Phantom Menace
by Jeff
Image text: We could go to the theater across town and see if it's opened THERE yet, but we don't want to lose our place in line.
Here we have Cueball and one other unidentified character, who is dressed as Darth Maul. Darth Maul is a Sith in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. The Sith are the group of characters in the Star Wars universe who embrace the dark side of the Force and are the enemies throughout the series. (Cueball is holding a lightsaber, which is the weapon used by the Jedi and the Sith. Jedi are the protagonists in the series.) Cueball and his friend dressed as Darth Maul are standing outside what they think is a theater waiting for the 3D edition of The Phantom Menace, which looks like it is releasing this February.
However, no one else is waiting with them because the Phantom Menace was the worst movie in the Star Wars series. Funny thing was, I didn't realize how bad it was the first time I saw it because I was so excited to just see new Star Wars stuff, but soon after I realized how terrible Jar Jar Binks was and how stilted all the performances were from all the human actors.
Needless to say, not that many people will be seeing the 3D release of The Phantom Menace, which is why Cueball and his friend are the only two in line.
Etymology
by Jeff
Image text: For some reason, my childhood suspension of disbelief had no problem with the fact that this ancient galaxy is full of humans, but was derailed by language. There's no Asia OR Europe there, so where'd they get all the Indo-European roots?
This comic is a reference to the sci-fi class Star Wars. If you haven't seen it, (I know, but there are some who read this site who have not) two characters, Obi-Wan Kenobi (on the left with the beard) and Luke Skywalker (who are on the left side of the table in the first frame) are trying to get off the planet Tatooine secretly and they enlist help from Han Solo and Chewbacca. Chewbacca is the very hairy one because he is a wookie from the planet Kashyyyk. Han Solo's ship is named the "Millennium Falcon".
Etymology is the study of the history of words, their origins, and how their form and meaning have changed over time. Randall (the author of the comic) wonders what Luke would say to Han if he had no idea what a falcon was. We as viewers accept it because of the etymology of the word in our world, but there is not evidence of a falcon in the Star Wars universe. (Especially for Luke who has been raised only on Tatooine, a desert world.)
In the image text, Randall references the fact that Star Wars is set "a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away" and is curious how humans came to be in the Star Wars universe even though they (or we I guess) were not yet on Earth. The reference to Ind0-European roots is another reference to etymology. As an example, certain words will have Indo-European roots because the word originated in Indo-European languages.
Let Go
by Jeff
Image text: After years of trying various methods, I broke this habit by pitting my impatience against my laziness. I decoupled the action and the neurological reward by setting up a simple 30-second delay I had to wait through, in which I couldn't do anything else, before any new page or chat client would load (and only allowed one to run at once). The urge to check all those sites magically vanished--and my 'productive' computer use was unaffected.
In this comic, the image text is a serious solution to a procrastination problem that we see in the comic.
The first two frame in this comic are the set-up. Both contain webpages CNN.com and reddit.com and thoughts over the top of them. In the 3rd frame, it starts to look a little different as the screen is not a computer but is in fact the targeting computer from Luke Skywalker's X-wing. But, before shutting down, he considers checking Facebook.
In the fourth frame, we finally get the movie reference from Star Wars as Princess Leia and one of the Rebel Alliance's generals are gathered around the holographic table that allows them to follow the battle. In the movie, Luke turns off his targeting computer because he uses the Force to fire the torpedoes at the right time. In the comic, Luke turns off the computer because he keeps getting distracted by Reddit and CNN. There is the joke in the comic.
But, shouldn't the reddit and CNN news be from a long time ago and a Galaxy far, far away instead of stories about Bees and the country of Oman?
Five-Minute Comics: Part 2
by Jeff
Image text: Dear Wiccan readers: I understand modern Wiccans are not usually all about the curses and hexes. But Darth Vader was recently converted from Episcopalianism and he's still figuring it all out.
Top Comic - This is a parody of the frequent conspiracy theories that have come about since the events of September 11, 2001. The use of the "grassy knoll" is a reference to the conspiracy theories surrounding the assassination of John F. Kennedy, a US President on Friday, November 22, 1963, in Dallas, Texas. Some people say they saw another or different shooter over on a "grassy knoll" by the road where JFK was shot.
Middle Left - Some people say that when women are pregnant, they have a certain glow about them, whether it is just their general happiness or something else. In this case, the woman is really pregnant and then promptly gives birth.
Middle - In this comic, the character says "Cogito Ergo Cogito" instead of the traditional phrase "Cogito Ergo Sum". The traditional phrase is Latin for I think therefore I am, which was said by René Descartes. In this comic, the character is playing it safe by just saying I think therefore I think.
Middle Left - This comic is a pun on the phrase "Bail out!" When it is used by fighter pilots, it means for them to hit their ejector seats and parachute to safety. In this comic, the pilots are using the phrase as would two people in a boat that is filling up with water.
Lower Middle - This is a joke on how in Star Wars they have lightsabers. In this case, they created black-lightsabers which use black light bulbs. Black lights just make every thing seem really eerie and you are able to see dust and dirt particles on everything.
Right - I think that one is pretty self explanatory and pretty gross.
Lower Middle Left - I'm not sure what is up with the sandwich making one, but it appears to be an inside joke somehow.
Bottom Left - This is a lawyer who is going to make a defense that will offend women and he prepared an opening statement incorrectly thinking there would be both men and women on the jury. This comic is an extension of the stereotypical lawyer opening "Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury...".
Bottom Right - From the start this is a full quote from Star Wars in which Conan Antonio Motti rips Darth Vader's ancient religion, which in the movie is The Force. Vader proceeds to force choke Motti until Moff Tarkin tells him to stop. In this comic, Vader's ancient religion is of course Wiccan.
Ahead Stop
by Jeff
Image text: They actually started the reversed-text practice in 1977 -- not for ease-of-reading reasons, but because too many people were driving backward down the highway blasting the Star Wars opening theme.
This comic is refers to how when words or instructions are written on the highway are always backwards from how you would read them. It seems that the "highway" engineers write the words as if you would read them as your car goes over them. Sometimes this approach works, other times (probably most of the time) it is terribly confusing. The sentence on the comic is: Highway Engineers Think I Read Backwards. I think adding the period is perfectly hilarious touch. Probably not too many periods on the highways.
The image text is referred to how the words at the beginning of Star Wars move from the bottom of the screen to the top so that it can be read by normal human being. However, the image text says the engineers initially reversed the text because people were driving BACKWARDS down the highway.
The title of the comic is also a reference to this phenomenon because the "Stop Ahead" instruction would be written on the highway as "Ahead" and then "Stop".
It is also kind of odd that there is a sidewalk next to the highway in this comic.
I Am
by Jeff
Image text: Great, LO-M. Do you speak Bocce? I'm supposed to find one that speaks Bocce.
The text in the first frame is a biblical reference as Abraham, Isaac and Jacob are all people from the Bible. The closest quote would be Exodus 3-5. The quote is from the burning bush passage in the Bible. It is possible the plant at the end of the tunnel could be a burning bush.
This comic is making an insinuation that the voice of God or God itself is C3PO from the Star Wars Universe.
In the Image text, the quote is from Star Wars: A New Hope in which Luke's uncle says the last two sentences of the image text to C3PO to make sure he speaks the same language as the moisture vaporators on their farm. Booce is the language spoken by those moisture vaporators.
The use of LO-M looks to be a double reference to Elohim which is used as the name of God in the Jewish religion and the LOM series droids from the Star Wars universe.
The tunnel could signify the Large Hadron Collider and the search for the "God" particle. The two particles falling behind the character in the first frame seems to signify that.
Force
by Jeff
Image text: Force-choking the chicken.
Please don't make me explain this one. It's fairly obvious if you are old enough. If you don't understand...just wait until you are older... keep waiting...
Movie Narrative Charts
by Jeff
(You absolutely have to click on the image to see it larger. It is quite detailed and impressive.)
Image text: In the LotR map, up and down correspond LOOSELY to northwest and southeast respectively.
Lord of the Rings is pretty self-explanatory if you have seen the movies based on the series by JRR Tolkien. It is important to note that the chart is based on the movie, not the books. Second, is the original Star Wars trilogy. If you haven't seen those, stop what you are doing right now and go get them. Third, is the original Jurrassic Park movie.
The joke in 12 Angry men graphic is that in the movie all 12 jurors are all in the same room the entire movie. They never move and they all always interact with each other, hence their lines stay straight and close to each other.
The last box is a movie called Primer from 2004, which became a cult classic. It is about accidentally discovering time travel. The plot is so convoluted and mixed up with the time travel between the original person and the so-called time travelling "double" that it is almost impossible to figure out where each character is at one time...as the comic illustrates.
UPDATE: These charts are roughly a reference to the map by Charles Joseph Minard that details the movements and losses of Napolean's troops on his failed conquest of Russia.
Example can be found here.
So Bad It’s Worse
by Jeff
Image text: You think it's so legendarily bad that you'll torrent it and sit through it just for the kitchy nerd cred. I, too, once thought as you did.
The Star Wars Holiday special was so terrible that George Lucas tries to act like it never existed. He gave the rights to "variety TV guys" to create the special and it was widely panned.
PROTIP is a tip intended to convert you from a novice to an expert in one easy step.