Your search for "grandparents" returned the following 19664 results:
Displaying results 1 to 25 sorted by recency. Sort by relevance.
[+] Are you ready for this one? I'm one week shy of turning 47, I had my tubes tied 4 ye... 39 replies
- do your parents have complete responsibility for them? A grandparent is completely different. My mind is just fine thank you.Why don't you have a child at 48 if it's so great. It's sad to think this child or young adult will possibly not have her around to see in their adulthood...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Are you ready for this one? I'm one week shy of turning 47, I had my tubes tied 4 years ago when I had my dd. Went to my obgyn for my routine appt yesterday....my period was 2 weeks late, but lately it has been early, late, whatever....I'm 6 weeks PREGNANT....wtf??? I have told no one yet, not even dh. I'm in shock.
39 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 05:27 PM Flag ]Do you already have dcs? How old? I bet they will be so excited too!
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:30 PM Flagcome on, a 13 yr.old with a 60 year old mother. awful.70 with a 23 year old. my god.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:39 PM FlagMy parents are in their mid 70s and are wonderful with my kids. They'd be terrific with a 23 yr old. Open your mind a little bit.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:41 PM Flagdo your parents have complete responsibility for them? A grandparent is completely different. My mind is just fine thank you.Why don't you have a child at 48 if it's so great. It's sad to think this child or young adult will possibly not have her around to see in their adulthood.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:48 PM Flag
-
-
So no one thinks there is a downside at having a baby at 48?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:07 PM Flag-
-
When I gave birth to my daughter the nurse said that in the past month they had had 3 women give birth after having their tubes tied. Nothing is foolproof I guess. GL to you!
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:10 PM FlagNow THAT'S a miracle. The cool thing is that on top of having a miracle baby, you can sue for malpractice the medical professional who did the tube tying. You should at least be able to get a couple hundred grand if not more. 2 cool things!
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:23 PM Flag
[+] please give me some positives of having an only child. It doesn't look like a second ... 22 replies
- I posted above. I come from a big family and DH is an only. The complement is perfect. When we do things with his family I love it, and my kids get all their grandparents' love. He has a blast when he's with my huge crazy family. However, in spite of having 6 siblings, DH is by far my best friend. Your DC will have a family of his/her own someday and you will not have to feel torn...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
please give me some positives of having an only child. It doesn't look like a second is in the cards for us.
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 10:43 AM Flag ]-
-
Your child will learn self-sufficiency. He/She will very likely be more mature than playmates because of spending a lot of time in adult company. You will have more time for yourself sooner (sorry but it's true) and for your marriage. You can give your child your full emotional attention when they need it. - signed oldest of 7, mother of 2, married to only speaking from extensive experience and observation
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:58 AM Flag-
As another only child I agree- I'm much more independent and self-sufficient than many people, less likely to be intimidated by a situation. Having said that: be careful to socialize DC well, and keep your DC from feeling like s/he is the center of the universe.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:07 PM Flag
-
-
We have an only by choice and it's all positives IMHO, and we've never regreted it. DC is 9 and has no desire for a sibling. It's positive for our family life, positive for dc who is independent yet has many friends and is known for being a thoughtful friend, and it's positive economically.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:02 PM Flagop: do you ever feel bad that your dc won't have anyone when you and dh pass away? I feel sad that my dc will be taking care of us and then all alone. I have to get passed it because there is nothing I can do to change the situation, but it still bothers me. Also, did you foster his friendships (playdates at a young age) because dh and I are introverts and we don't want the same for dc.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:05 PM Flagonly child poster above: by the time you are that age, your DC will be old enough to manage it just fine, and will potentially have a spouse/partner for help and support. Siblings, on the other hand, may or may not be helpful to each other- and can often spend more time squabbling than working together
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:09 PM FlagI have an only too; also not by choice. You have to stop beating yourself up. Yes, it's ideal to have siblings with whom you are close, both as a child and as an adult. But it sounds as if your child has two interested and happy parents. Just because a child has siblings doesn't mean that his life will be more meaningful or happier than your child's . . . There's divorce, bad parents, siblings with health problems, siblings who fight, etc. And remember being an introvert does not mean something is wrong with you. Not everyone is cut out to be a social butterfly. Focus on making sure your child is ha
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:13 PM FlagI am an only and I have an only by choice. No, I don't feel bad about that at all. I will care for my parents when they are elderly and DH will be my support. FWIW I don't think a sibling guarantees anything in this regard.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:17 PM FlagI posted above. I come from a big family and DH is an only. The complement is perfect. When we do things with his family I love it, and my kids get all their grandparents' love. He has a blast when he's with my huge crazy family. However, in spite of having 6 siblings, DH is by far my best friend. Your DC will have a family of his/her own someday and you will not have to feel torn but will easily be able to stay in touch with your DC and grand-kids.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:27 PM Flag
2-on-1 defense, you can't lose. With two kids you have to go to man-on-man or zone.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:20 PM FlagI am an only. DH has one sister with whom he is not close. I don't mean estranged - I mean I literally have acquitances that talk more than they do. They don't hate each other... more like a complete lack of emotion. So for me, there is no advantage and one of the reasons I made a choice to have an only.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:22 PM Flag
[+] Are things going to get worse if I tell DH that I have had enough and his parents are... 51 replies
- And? "I'm sorry if you feel that being a grandparent means being involved in every aspect of our lives, but it isn't how we feel, it isn't practical and it isn't healthy. Some grandparents see their kids/grandkids once a year. We feel that we are all very lucky to be so close and see each other as often as we...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Are things going to get worse if I tell DH that I have had enough and his parents are no longer welcome in our home every weekend. He can take the kids to his parents or I will be out of the house.
51 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 07:00 AM Flag ]-
-
NP - I want some me time to do "x, y, z" so would it be ok if I went and did that while your parents are here hanging with you and DC?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:03 AM FlagI can do that. Since they just had a huge fight with me he will know exactly what it means and will try to talk me out of it.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:06 AM Flagor: tell dh every weekend is too much. also, that when they do come over, you can't be a captive host because there are errands to run. This is when you purr at him saying that there are so many things you'd like to do on the weekend but can't because his parents are over and then give him an incredible bj. problem solved.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:22 AM Flag
-
what do you mean would you be out of the house? That's your home too. If your in laws are being rude or a complete pain in the ass and intruding on what most families have as their ONLY time for relaxation (your weekends) then you have every right to speak to him about it and just come up with a compromise
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:01 AM FlagThey just had a huge fight with me/us last weekend. Nothing is good enough for them. Short of us giving in to how they want things doesn't seem to work. I don't want to see them. I would rather roam the streets.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:05 AM Flagyou shouldn't have to put up with disrespect in your own home regardless who they are. They can visit every other weekend but you tell your dh that when they're around, you will run errands and not be there
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:06 AM Flag^^ did your dh tell them something when they fought with you? If he didn't I wish these DH's would grow a pair of balls and stick up for their wives
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:08 AM FlagThey where attacking me. Dh tried but they where addressing me all of the time.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:12 AM Flag-
Verbally not physically. According to them they have been depressed for 2 years now because we are no longer as close as they thought we where. I set some boundaries 2 years ago..
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:15 AM Flag-
-
i think there are too many boundaries between families in this society. they're not strangers.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:24 AM FlagOP: my ILs would love you. You would have to call them every day for an hour to report every little thing that happened and get their ok on how to handle. Every time you make plans you would have to coordinate with them. Your and your dcs social lifes would be your ILs with a few exceptions. Etc etc. I can not live like that as a 40 yo woman.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:31 AM FlagJust being open and having dinner would not be acceptable. It isn't about your open house it is about you sharing every minor detail and letting them make/participate in every decision. If they are visiting and you are not spending that time reporting every piece of minutia in your live then you are hiding something and are not being open with them.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:33 AM Flag
can you elaborate on what they're complaining about? I'm sorry they were attacking you
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:18 AM FlagThere are too many complaints to list but the bottom line is that they want us to completley coordinate our lives with them. They want to be envolved in every tedious detail/decision. They feel our nanny is more part of the family than they are because she is more involved in the day to day stuff. Etc etc
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:22 AM Flagwell then it's too bad. They had their chance to raise their kids, if they don't understand that your family needs alone time, it's their issue not yours. The world cannot revolve around MIL. I feel for you. My dh set his mom straight when she was calling our home at 6am or maybe sometimes 10 times a day to complain to me about her other family members. He also set her straight about being demanding with his time (he would visit once a week), etc. It got better once he put his foot down
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:25 AM FlagAnd? "I'm sorry if you feel that being a grandparent means being involved in every aspect of our lives, but it isn't how we feel, it isn't practical and it isn't healthy. Some grandparents see their kids/grandkids once a year. We feel that we are all very lucky to be so close and see each other as often as we do, but we need time to ourselves. Again, I'm sorry you don't feel the same." (change subject)
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:30 AM FlagOp: the bottom line is that the way I see things and the way they see things are on a different sides of the spectrum. They can't accept it and are fighting, making nasty comments and doing everything short of actually letting us be. Every weekend is unpleasant. I can no longer take it but giving in to their demands is giving up myself and I just can not do it.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:42 AM FlagI don't see how any reasonable person could argue w/your unwillingness to put with it any longer. I know someone who put up with her inlaws until they died and she cannot get over it. She is still angry, resentful and depressed that she let them walk all over her AND missed out on her own life while catering to them.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:47 AM Flag
-
np: I know you'll think this is harsh, but it is exactly what I would do if my IL's ever thought they could talk to me like I was their under-aged child. I would laugh as though they were joking. If they said another word, I would roll my eyes and say, "Well, if you don't like it, you know where the door is!" Any further discussion would be met with incredulous laughter and motioning to my husband that he'd better handle his parents or they'll be leaving.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:19 AM FlagOP: I wish I was you. It would actually work better than being nice. I am not capable...
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:25 AM Flagnp: I was in the same boat and about a year ago I told dh that he would have to set the ILs straight or I would and things would get nasty. He has had many talks with them and things have very slowly gotten better with boundries but the relationship is icy. It's uncomfortable having the tension in the air but I'm glad I finally stuck up for myself. I felt like a doormat and it was depressing.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:29 PM Flag
-
That sounds like a lot (I'm assuming they stay over) and I get along with my IL's. Maybe try scaling it back - do every other weekend now and then maybe go down to one weekend a month? But yes, if he wants to see them so much, he can just take the kids to their place on the other weekends.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:02 AM FlagThey don't stay over. They live close by. They feel that the arrangement we have now is too scaled back and are fighting over it. I am pretty sure that scaling it back further isn't going to make it better for the relationship. If they where nice during visits it would be one thing but it is like a war zone.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:10 AM Flag
Just suggest that they alternate visits so they aren't there every weekend. You married into the family so you can't get rid of them
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:03 AM Flag-
No. Have DH take them for "time with grandma". She'll love it
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:14 AM FlagShe is nurotic and will see it as an insult that I didn't come but I can no longer take it.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:17 AM Flagso, it's either "insult" her or go batshit crazy, I vote "insult" her
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:44 AM Flagop: thanks for the laugh. you are right. she will go batshit crazy on me, but I think it is better than the other way around.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:29 AM FlagITA. My MIL had some boundary issues, though nothing at all like this, and we found a way btwn my not going to every single visit, letting them babysit now and then, and of course making time for them, too. If she can't handle you not being there every time, tough s&*% for her.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:14 AM Flag
-
Are they from a different culture? I'm asking because I'm Hispanic and my parents have no sense of boundaries whatsoever. They invite themselves to stay over for 2 months in my small NYC apartment because they live in another country. I know they mean well and don't understand how that can be an inconvenience for my dh and I. They are extremely dramatic and act as though I don't want them around, which is not the case. I know many cultures are like that. I totally understand how you feel, op.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:18 AM Flag
-
[+] Please tell me what I should do. I have a wonderful dh who is also a great dad. He is... 7 replies
- How is this for your husband? If anything, it should be for your kids. It is one thing to put up with a bit of stress for your kids to have a relationship with their grandparents, but you can't jump through hoops or allow them to control you. Tell them you can drop them off or you'll see them next time. Being a bigger person is not necessary here....
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Please tell me what I should do. I have a wonderful dh who is also a great dad. He is the sole breadwinner and provides us with a great life. My dh's job requires him to be away from us sometimes 2 weeks at a time and during that time I would visit my in laws. Recently, I haven't been getting along with them and although I want to keep spending time with them for my dh's sake, I really can't get myself to do so. Any ideas on how to be a bigger person for my dh?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 05:05 AM Flag ]How is this for your husband? If anything, it should be for your kids. It is one thing to put up with a bit of stress for your kids to have a relationship with their grandparents, but you can't jump through hoops or allow them to control you. Tell them you can drop them off or you'll see them next time. Being a bigger person is not necessary here.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:51 AM Flag
[+] Who uses a camera to see what their nanny is doing with DC? have you ever been force... 12 replies
- it, but we're open about it so I don't feel like I'm spying or betraying someone's sense of privacy. We told everyone we interviewed that DH had gotten used to looking during the day when he missed DC (which was true), that grandparents sometimes liked to look in, etc., and that we wanted to be sure that whoever we hired was aware and comfortable with that. I'm glad we handled it that way, as it's much easier to address fixable things that you would only know...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Who uses a camera to see what their nanny is doing with DC? have you ever been forced to fire someone and do you tell friends you have a camera?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 02:02 PM Flag ]We've had a nanny cam since dc1 was born. We fired 2 nannies because of the nanny cam! And kept the third for 3 years.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:17 PM FlagWe had web cams since before hiring the nanny. Initially used them as monitors. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of a (hidden) "nanny cam" but DH felt strongly about having one. The compromise was that we have it, but we're open about it so I don't feel like I'm spying or betraying someone's sense of privacy. We told everyone we interviewed that DH had gotten used to looking during the day when he missed DC (which was true), that grandparents sometimes liked to look in, etc., and that we wanted to be sure that whoever we hired was aware and comfortable with that. I'm glad we handled it that way, as it's much easier to address fixable things that you would only know about if you had a cam (e.g., not talking on the phone when DS is eating a meal; making sure bathroom door is closed when DC (who climbs out of crib) goes down for nap). If all you want is to "bust" someone who is really negligent, then a hidden camera works, but otherwise I think letting them know it's there is more respectful and useful.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:21 PM Flag
Nope. Creepy and disrespectful (unless you let them know the camera is there). We pop in and also have gossipy neighbors. Everything gets back to me.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:06 PM FlagI told all prospective hires that we have a camera and pointed out where it is. Only one seemed put off by it; all appreciated being told, and I can't imagine having one under other circumstances. A couple mentioned that they had heard of parents bugging strollers or following (or hiring someone to follow!) nannies to the playground or library. Talk about creepy.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:48 PM Flag
[+] At the risk of being flamed, I am a pretty vain person. And this is what is stopping ... 55 replies
- it's probably all genetics. what do your parents/grandparents look like?...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
At the risk of being flamed, I am a pretty vain person. And this is what is stopping me from getting pregnant a third time. It is not necessarily about being skinny per se. I am thin and I don't THINK I will get "fat"-but maybe I will be a lot wider, have more cellulite, etc (stuff I can't control like I would with weight). Is being a blob inevitable with 3 kids? Is there anything I can do to mitigate this in pregnancy? With first 2 dc, I was SO SICK (hospital sick) from m/s throughout my pg so when I did have appetite, I overate. I never moved because I felt so ill all the time
55 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 10:18 AM Flag ]-
weight does. and the weight you put on in pregnancy can often lead tp cellulite
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:19 AM Flagneither do. genetics cause cellulite. not much you can do about it either.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:20 AM Flagwell my cellulite magically appeared after I gained 45 lbs with #2
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:21 AM Flagit was always there, trust me. also, you are getting older.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:22 AM Flag-
i know, but aging will cause skin to sag more and cellulite to show more. if you exercise throughout pregnancy that could help but there really isn't much you can do about cellulite, sadly. i was in my 20s and so skinny and i still had cellulite. working out (i do pilates) helps somewhat.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:25 AM Flag
-
It sounds like you have some issues in general. Maybe a third pg isn't a good idea because of them.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:20 AM Flagit's probably all genetics. what do your parents/grandparents look like?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:21 AM Flagugh. I am a size 0 but my mom, HER mom and her Mom were all very obese. They began to put on pounds with age. They were also pretty thin in younger years
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:22 AM Flagwhat about dad's mom. maybe you take after his side of family?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:24 AM Flag^^^I think this is why I am obsessed with my looks btw. My mom, grandmother, etc were all pretty thin and very beautiful and it all went downhill with age and having 4+ kids
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:24 AM FlagSo what happens if you're not satisfied with your looks after db? My mother obsessed over food and appearance. It's not easy being her daughter. Not saying don't have a db, not have a gameplan to deal with what may be insecurities. Therapy or whatever.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:28 AM Flag-
Then seriously, get some help dealing with it before you have more kids. My mother still obsesses and she's almost 70.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:33 AM Flagrelax, it gives her something to do. My mom is bored out of her mind and just eats.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:44 AM FlagIt's actually a huge problem with her. She still starves herself and can be really insulting if her kids aren't up to her standards. There are plenty of other healthy things to do.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:48 AM Flaghe problem is that she's a perfectionist and critical. Has nothing to do with weight.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:52 AM FlagTrue, but the manifestation of it wasn't helpful to her kids growing up. That's why I advocate getting help with obsessive vanity.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:56 AM Flagbut it's her personality to expect perfection, nitpick, and be critical. If she could change her personality, all the negative attributes associated with it would go away. This isn't a single issue, but a symptom of a larger issue. Can't fix one and not all of it.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:10 AM Flag
-
Do you want another child? That's the key. The other stuff is only temporary. No, "being a blob" is not inevitable with three kids. I know Moms of four kids who are in amazing shape. The key is if you really want another baby/toddler/child/teen and the responsibility that goes along with that. And if you have the patience to handle them (or the money to outsource).
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:21 AM FlagI have the financial means and I really do want another child. I don't feel like my family is complete yet.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:23 AM Flagnp. Do it. If you're thin after 2 children then you'll be able to keep off the weight after 3. And if there is something genetic to getting heavier with age that's about aging not # of children. Even then don't let it worry you. Women generally were not as athletic and fit back then.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:42 AM Flag
Either you want a kid or don't. Just make up your mind and move on. PS - you sound like someone who should not have another.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:32 AM Flagright. bc women are are concerned with their appearance make awful mothers. only fat, lazy women are good moms. whatever.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:34 AM FlagThere's a difference between mindfulness and obsessive vanity. Huge difference.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:39 AM Flag
If it is important to you and you are thin now, 1 more pg won't change that. You will have less time to work out etc., but after 3dc I am the same size as I was before dc. I had vericose vein issues and I have had them treated and the vein surgeon did say that typically the 3rd time is the charm in terms of vein damage (if you are genetically predisposed to it), but that being said they can be treated and it isn't too expensive so not a reason not to do it.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:19 AM Flag
-
[+] I don't know what to do about my ILs. MIL asked what we were doing for Easter (I'm Je... 70 replies
- a basketball game then to let your kids spend time on easter with their grandparents who obviously really wanted to see them?...
- the kids' grandparents asked several times if they could see the kids on easter. she chose to...
- Yes, that's what a good wife does. The kids and grandparents should be together on a major holiday....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
I don't know what to do about my ILs. MIL asked what we were doing for Easter (I'm Jewish, btw). I said that we were going to a basketball game with friends. She said, "Great. I wasn't up for having a big lunch and guests over. We'll either do something small and you guys can drop in or not, if you have time, or FIL and I will go out to the beach house." Later that night, she leaves a message saying that they changed their minds and FIL wants to host a big lunch on Sunday and she was wondering if we were going to attend or go to the game. I told her that we were still planning on the game (we'd purchased the tickets weeks ago), she said ok and asked if we wanted to leave the kids with them and attend the game alone. I said no, we were taking the kids as well. She said fine. On Saturday, FIL leaves a message for DH and asks if we had time to drop off the DCs before going to the game. DH calls back on Sunday and says yes, but by the time we contact anyone it's too late. FIL said, "If I had known that you were going to the game and not coming over, I never would have agreed throwing an Easter brunch. I do not want all of these people in the house and would have preferred a long beach weekend." DH explains that I told MIL that we were going to the game on Tuesday. FIL says, "No one ever told me." Then, MIL and I had planned for the DCs to come over today. She was going to take them to lunch and a movie; well it's nearly 12:30pm and I haven't heard from her. I've called her and no answer. I just don't get DH's family. Every get-together is a mess because they are terrible communicators.
70 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 09:22 AM Flag ]you think she's angry with you and that's why she hasn't shown up?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:25 AM FlagYes, this is how she gets when things don't go her way. She's incredibly passive aggressive. She can never speak up for what she wants, instead she drops hints and asks the same question a million times, then tells you everything is ok when it's not. I'm tired of the guessing game. Also, nothing every makes sense with them. First she says that she's not up going to host Easter, then she decides that she is, asks again if we're coming even though I already told her we have plans, then doesn't tell FIL that we're not coming so FIL is confused as to why we are not there. And yes, I'm certain that she's upset and I'm going to receive a lecture when I see her next. This has happened in the past.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:31 AM Flagif you're going to get a lecture, she's not passive aggresive. she is telling you what she wants.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:36 AM FlagWell, when I mean lecture, I mean something along the lines of this, "So....how was the game? Oh, that's great. It was pretty boring here. Not much fun when the grandkids aren't around. FIL and I got into an argument. He's such a grump. I hate having his family over for the holidays but he always insists that we do something. Everyone does depend on us. The only thing that makes it all tolerable is having the children around. He was really hoping to see the children....oh well....maybe next year...."
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:42 AM Flag
lecture her for standing up your kids. tell her they were dressed and ready and devastated when she didn't show up. tell her you are not comfortable making plans with her in the future, bc they always get changed around or disregarded and it is too difficult on your kids. hit her over the head with jewish guilt so she knows who she's dealing with. don't indulge her passive-aggressive nonsense!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:38 AM FlagI feel terrible. My DCs keep asking why we aren't going to Grandmas yet and I just told them that she has a cold and needs some rest. I'm taking them out instead, but I'll give her until 1pm to call.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:44 AM Flagyou have annoying ILs, sorry. that is probably why your dh made plans to go to a game on easter and avoid all this crap! and now he is at work and away from his mom not showing up.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:46 AM FlagThat's what he told me. When he told me about FIL's message from Saturday night, I told him, "I'll go to Easter brunch with the youngest and you take our eldest." DH was very agitated (he gets very agitated and anxious when dealing with his family) and said no. I left it alone because DH seemed on the verge of getting angry.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:53 AM Flagoh, come on. it's not like you can foist all of this on dh. when he said, how about we go to a basketball game on easter sunday, you easily could have said, let's not -- your parents may want to do something.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:01 AM Flagif dh doesn't want to see his parents, she is probably even less likely to want to see them.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:03 AM FlagYou're not reading everything in the post. DH bought the tickets and told me about it later. It was later when I realized that it was Easter Sunday. I told him, but considering his family history concerning the holiday, it was deemed perfectly acceptable. As I stated, FIL frequently goes out of town to attend golf events on Easter Sunday and MIL is always happy because it gives her a break. I think it's odd, but DH insists this is how his family functions.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:04 AM Flagok, but you know in reality that it's NOT how they really function and that they DO want to see the kids around the holidays, which shouldn't be a mystery. just agree with DH that, going forward, you won't plan anything on either of your major holidays and if it ends up being a day home with your family, that's fine.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:12 AM Flag
It seems like they really wanted to spend time with your family and if not that at least the kids on a major holiday. You insisted on going to a basketball game instead. shame on you.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:29 AM Flagwhat? she spent the holiday with her family and made it clear to ILs what her plans were. she doesn't even celebrate easter and presumably her Ils know this.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:32 AM Flagthe kids' grandparents asked several times if they could see the kids on easter. she chose to go to a basketball game instead. that is horrible.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:37 AM Flagno it's not. they obviously didn't ask until she had already bought tickets, so they weren't that concerned. and plenty of families make accommodations to celebrate holidays with mom and dad's families on different days. so they made plans to celebrate today, and MIL didn't show. THAT is horrible. she took her anger out on her grandkids? that is SICK.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:41 AM Flag
What???? First of all did you pick up on the fact that OP is Jewish? Second of all, OP said she offered to take one of the kids over and have just her DH go to the game with the other kid and DH said no they should all go to the game. DH himself said he prefered to not see his parents that day. What is OP going to do, insist that they go regardless? SHE'S JEWISH.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:06 AM Flag
why did you think it was more important to go to a basketball game then to let your kids spend time on easter with their grandparents who obviously really wanted to see them?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:30 AM FlagAre you raising the children Jewish? What typically has happened on past Easters?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:31 AM FlagWe've only had 5 Easters with DCs and they've gone as follows: 1) MIL was not up for hosting and canceled last minute. We later met up that night for dessert at a diner. 2)MIL & FIL flew out to SIL's new house. 3)MIL & FIL @ SIL's house again. 4) MIL decided last minute (Friday night) that she was going to host at their beach house. We had to decline due to the drive/work issue. 5) 2012 - see above. We are raising the children Jewish, but we take the DCs to their house for Christmas - even though we do not celebrate it at home. I'd have no problem taking them to their house for Easter, but this year DH made plans for the basketball game, so we did that instead.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:39 AM Flag
why would you make plans to go to a basketball game on easter sunday if your in laws celebrate the holiday? wouldn't you assume they'd likely want to host a holiday meal?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:41 AM Flagthis. it sounds like Easter has been an issue every single year. OP should bend over backwards to be accomodating, not make other plans!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:46 AM FlagMIL has only hosted Easter once in the 8 years that we've been married. MIL is not the domestic type. She is the first to joke that she only serves food that comes out of her toaster oven. She gets very stressed at the thought of hosting a holiday event, but she says that FIL insists that they do it. ILs are also not religious nor holiday observant people. They host parties often, but national/religious holidays are not more important than other days. In years past, FIL has often traveled out-of-state on Easter weekend to attend golf events and MIL relaxes at home. DH was the one who bought the tickets, weeks ago, and was excited to take his DS's to their first NBA game.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:49 AM Flag
I feel bad for MIL and FIL. Seems like they wanted to see the DCs on easter and got ditched for a basketball game.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:51 AM FlagI think you should discuss this with your husband and address it openly with the in-laws. Start out with "Sorry we were unable to attend your Easter brunch, we had these plans, etc. . . was there a reason you didn't show up on Monday to take DCs to lunch and a movie, as we had planned? What can we do in the future so that we don't have these miscommunications, etc.?"
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:52 AM FlagMy DH is jewish, and though I'm not jewish and neither are DCs, I would never dream of buying tickets to a basketball game on the first night of hannauka (still don't know how to spell it!). We don't always go to MILs house, but it would be thoughtless to foreclose the option.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:54 AM FlagI am grossed out by these responses. OP, your inlaws sound annoying as fuck. Everyone on here is acting like they spend Easter Sunday in deep prayer with all family members around them all day and it's the most family-oriented, important holiday of the year. You are NOT in the wrong here. I am pretty convinced that there is one grandma on here (maybe your MIL) who is bashing you. I'm pretty sure it's one person because honestly, who doesn't know that you have to click on the post to read the whole thing in a long post? And at least three people have been like "this story makes no sense!" because they didn't read it... and I know there can't be three UBers this stupid online right now.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:11 AM Flagi am amazed by the people who think that op shouldn't go to a game on easter. some people who were raised xtian didn't really do much for easter. obviously op's husband felt that a game was appropriate, and it sounds as if op's FIL didn't really want to do anything anyway. MIL is passive aggressive and seems to be the only one for whom Easter is a big deal. it's ridiculous to say that it's important to spend family time on Easter and not the next day. Family time isn't an only-on-holidays-thing, or a holidays-or-else thing.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:19 AM Flag
[+] My divorce was finalized in NY State, 3 years ago. I moved to another state/city last... 4 replies
Talk : : April 08, 2012
My divorce was finalized in NY State, 3 years ago. I moved to another state/city last year and lost the original divorce agreement. My ex dh has been decreasing the amount of child support each year so far, and he states that as our dc gets older it will keep decreasing... I am already deep in debt because of the legal costs of the divorce and having to relocate, find a new job... now I'm thinking that this does not make sense, as our son gets older (6 now) there are so many expenses, starting from child care, that I really don't know how this can be. Has anyone heard of this, that child support actually keeps decreasing? Also, he states that if dc will be visiting his grandparents in Europe over the summer, I am not entitled to child support those 2 months - or he may decide to give me a small percentage, just to be "nice" since he knows I am not doing great financially... is this true? Sorry, but I don't have the money to spend on a consultation with a lawyer right now, and very worried that my ex may be taking advantage. Thanks
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.08.12, 07:40 PM Flag ]Your ex- DH is a terrible father. No child support does not decrease as kids get older thats a comletely lie. And even if your child is in Europe he is still his child and he should be paying for him the same amount every month. Hes playing you for a fool. Take him to court and get the money.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:47 PM Flag
[+] Anyone else have a really frustrating relationship with their mother? It's weekends ... 15 replies
- I have next to nothing to do with her. Didn't speak for 7 years at one point. She topped off my kid's grandparent's day by saying "X doesn't like me"---in front of X....
Talk : : April 08, 2012
Anyone else have a really frustrating relationship with their mother? It's weekends like this one when I am happy to see Monday. How can I let her anger, negativity, and insecurity not bother me? Thanks for any tips.
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.08.12, 07:32 PM Flag ]Just realize she's going to die someday and picture her in her coffin. That will make you want to be more sympathetic and perhaps even tolerant. Someday she will be dead, dead, dead and you won't be able to argue with her then, so just enjoy and make the most of what you can now.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:39 PM FlagThanks for you opinion. This isn't very practical advice for dealing with her. I'm well aware of her mortality. I don't bother arguing as that's what she wants. I just can't be sympathetic to someone who is mean.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:51 PM FlagWell maybe you can get therapy for yourself and all the negativity you've had to deal with because if there's one thing I've learned it's you can't change a mean mother. So get therapy to talk about the issues she may have caused you so that you understand it was nothing to do with you but maybe just some shit she had on her own plate.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 08:50 PM FlagOr get therapy and figure out that, whatever were/ are the reasons for her behavior, you need to get on with your own life, and take care of your own family. You have dc, you can't afford to be all messed up about crazy woman pushing buttons. Eject her.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 08:58 PM FlagShe's not a tape. Maybe the can both go together to a good family shrink. Why is it always throw away a bad family member? We should have other family members insist that we don't fight and don't let us fight. We really have lost what it means to be a family, and traded it for therapy. I wish we were like some of those poorer nations where family is everything. They have got us beat in that area.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 09:32 PM Flag
Yes, me. Need to really limit visits because they seem to go better when we're together for less than 4 hours or so. Also - it is helpful/therapeutic for me to be able to vent with my sister about our mom. Sounds mean, I know, but it keeps us both from feeling like we're going crazy sometimes.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:39 PM FlagI have next to nothing to do with her. Didn't speak for 7 years at one point. She topped off my kid's grandparent's day by saying "X doesn't like me"---in front of X.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:55 PM FlagI used to. She used to control everything and that's over. For a while I was too busy to visit. And visits I had were short. She realized I didn't have to come "home" if I didn't want to. Once I could afford to, I stayed in a hotel for visits. I don't make a production and don't take her on but when she acts up, I find a reason to leave her presence. I dont have guts to confront her directly. Guess im still scared. Have no hope it'd make a difference, though in my head I know that's not the reason to avoid it. Closest I came was after she was gossiping about a neighbor who didn't get on a plane when her elderly mother was ill & I said, "maybe her mother's a bitch."
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 09:08 PM Flag
[+] I would appreciate some perspective on this situation. I'm 41yo, married, pg with sec... 32 replies
- ..to focus on them as DC's grandparents rather than as my parents, but it was short lived. They were so critical of the name we chose, child care, how long...
- They are coming in June so my mother can tell everyone what a great parent and grandparent she is by being here for the birth. She has told other family members that she was invited by me to be in the...
Talk : : April 08, 2012
I would appreciate some perspective on this situation. I'm 41yo, married, pg with second DC. I've never been close to my parents and in particular I can't stand my mother, a feeling that is mutual For over 20 years I've lived away from them, i went to college on the east coast then moved to NYC. They're on the west coast. I've seen them very little since then even though they often visit NYC to see my brother and his family. When i got married 8 yrs ago they didn't come because they don't approve of DH, he's the wrong religion per my mother. Anyway, I'm expecting DB in June and my father called today to say they're coming to NYC for three weeks in June, they've already booked their trip. Do I have to see them or have them see DB? I'm so stressed already about the birth, recovery, the last thing I need is the most critical, negative people I've ever known showing up uninvited to tell me what I'm doing wrong. They also put DH on edge as they've always been so hostile to him. Can I just tell them that June won't work for a visit? BTW well be in NJ post the birth do the only way we could see them is if they come and stay for a few days, they don't drive. WWYD?
32 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.08.12, 05:38 PM Flag ]This may be a somewhat overbearing way of trying to repair the relationship. Is it possible for them to stay with your brother and have him drive them to visit you?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:41 PM Flagyou're a grown woman. do what feels right for you. sounds like you are going to say no. might be nice to extend the olive branch as they seem to be trying, too.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:41 PM FlagDo you really think that them booking a trip without consulting me is trying? I find it totally obnoxious because they're very controlling. Rather than asking if it would suit us or if we need anything instead they just book the flights. They're in their late 70s, don't drive, don't use cell phones etc so if they show up they'll need a lot of attention to manage.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:57 PM Flag
It's kind sad that you're so distant from your parents. Why not re-kindle the relationship w/ new DB?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:42 PM Flag-
I am the same age as you and I lost my dad when I was 25 and I hate that my dc never knew him. He was far from perfect but I see glimpses of his positive traits in my 11 yo dd and my 7 yo ds and they love hearing stories about their eccentric grandpa. On the other hand, sometimes the people you are related to are awful and toxic. Go with your gut but be sure there are no redeeming traits there that you will regret your dcs missing out on.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:57 PM FlagAs annoying as it might be, can you come meet them in the city for lunch? That way it's neutral territory, finite time, and you'll be seen as at least making an effort. These horrible relationships have a way of weighing way more heavily once these chances at civility are gone forever.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:00 PM FlagThanks, i appreciate your thoughts. I always push myself to think about what it will be like once they've passed away. I believe that I will just feel a huge sense of relief, no more rejection and criticism. That's why I've distanced myself from them for so long. I also don't want my children to be exposed to their negativity, especially around my DH/ their father.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:08 PM FlagOR: It sounds like you know what to do then. You only get one chance to live your life and if you are happy with your life and the family you have built with your dh, that's lucky. No need to make yourself miserable out of obligation. But, although your dc is small, you should give some thought as to how you will explain the estrangement to your dc. It can be as simple as they were unhappy people that made mommy unhappy when I was with them and I didn't want you to see or feel that way. I only say this b/c you don't want to be caught off guard. (From the time my dc were about 4, they asked a lot of questions about things I never thought they would notice.)
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:19 PM Flag
I have the same relationship with mother. I've been trying to forgive her over the years but am nowhere near it. I would tell them you can't do it. I would explain the stress you're under and the stress you anticipate and I'd suggest another time they could visit or ask them to clue me in when they next visit your brother and you'll prepare to see them at that time. GL.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:05 PM FlagHi, I think that people who have great relationships with their parents can't relate to the rest of us. I stopped turning the other cheek and stopped trying to forgive. I decided I was worthy of love and happiness and the only way I can focus on that is by not looking back. Even the thought of a visit with them makes me stressed and miserable.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:19 PM FlagNp: fwiw, I have a good relationship with my parents, and I think you the most you should do is tell yours you need to play it by ear. "Give us a call after you get settled in the city." Then, if you feel like it, you can offer at that point to meet them at x place at y time, you can. If not, don't.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:30 PM FlagThanks, this is a good idea. I guess I've so much baggage and bad feelings about them it's just bugging me so much that they booked this trip without even consulting me.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:49 PM FlagNp: they obviously take a lot of liberties when it comes for you. Breathe, tell yourself that you will do whatever works for you, and don't worry a second more. Or, if it helps you to relax, just say no now so you can ease your mind. Bottom line, do what works for you and think not a second more about it.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 08:44 PM FlagIt's infuriating. And if you don't want to bother, don't. Don't even call them back. Seriously. And sorry your parents sucked. Good for you getting it together to have your own family. If my dealing with not half as cray parents is any indicator, I'm guessing you did a ton of work, and spent serious $ on shrinks to get where you are. Don't get pushed into blowing it. If you need distance to stay sane, keep the distance. Put them on ignore. Whatever you do, congrats on DB 2 & GL.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 08:50 PM Flag
what you describe is one of my greatest fears for my dc. I can't imagine them growing up to hate me and to have a visit from me be annoying and burdensome. How do you think you all got to this point?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:05 PM FlagMy parents were older when I was born, I was a mistake, I've always known that as they were not shy about saying it. I was a major burden to them and my mother in particular resented me. She still says that she wouldn't have minded so much if I'd been a boy. I moved out of home when I was 17 and have been independent since then, have had years of therapy which has helped me to be a loving wife and mother.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:14 PM Flag
Did they tell you why they are coming (i.e., is there a reason other than to visit your brother and his family) and why they chose June? Can you ask them? If not, are you close enough with your brother that you can ask him or ask him to find out for you? Because if there is no reason, I would tell them that since you are having 2nd db at that time so cannot see them then, you would love it if they would change the dates and come in [you name the month] when you are up to a visit.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:26 PM FlagThey are coming in June so my mother can tell everyone what a great parent and grandparent she is by being here for the birth. She has told other family members that she was invited by me to be in the delivery room. Shes always been self involved but even more so now that she's so old. As DH says, even if we dont see her she'll tell everyone she was there anyway lol.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:47 PM FlagWhoa, nelly. Let her tell people whatever she wants; *you* can tell *her* it's not convenient for you, and if she wants to come see the baby, you'd love to see her in [you name the date], full stop. She had 40-plus years to be a good mother and failed miserably; if she really wants to change now, she can wait another month. DH said recently that as people age, they become caricatures of themselves; sounds like your mother is well on the way to becoming a Hirschfeld... Oh, and if she says she can't switch dates and come later, invite them for a morning or afternoon visit on one day and do not get suckered into letting them stay. When you have a new baby isn't the time for houseguests, even non-toxic ones.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:00 PM FlagThey're going to come in June regardless of my wishes. I'm going to wait until after the birth and decide if I want to see them or not. I don't feel like I owe them anything anymore so will do what's best for me and my family b
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:17 PM FlagAbsolutely! I'm getting pissed off at them on your behalf, starting now ;-) Just don't cave in and let them stay with you; stay strong and do what is best for you and your family, like you say above. And major props to you for being so sane and centered despite your parents - I bet you are an awesome mom.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:22 PM Flag
I wouldn't see them. You don't need any more stress and, to boot, you should be able to enjoy your baby. They haven't earned the right to ask you to sacrifice any of that. Look out for yourself, your DH and your kids first. Your DH doesn't deserve to be uncomfortable right after his child is born either. Tell them they're welcome to visit [name month convenient for you].
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 08:38 PM Flag
[+] Someone used the word "jackass" in an earlier post to mean "schlepp." As in "I will h... 6 replies
- I heard it growing up from my grandparents generation which would have been WW1 era longshoreman - the term was usually said "to jackass back and forth" which meant to do a repetitive mindless task over and over again (as in unloading a cargo ship manually)...
Talk : : April 08, 2012
[+] DS fell asleep around 3:30 and is still out. He's 2.5. Would you wake him up? We're i... 1 reply
Talk : : April 08, 2012
[+] My feelings are extremely hurt and I want opinions on whether I'm being overly sensit... 25 replies
- Weird. Is it grandparent competitiveness on their part? The "modest" wouldn't bother me because I don't see that as pejorative, but the "not very nice" would. I would have DH talk to his mom and see what's going on....
Talk : : April 06, 2012
My feelings are extremely hurt and I want opinions on whether I'm being overly sensitive. I found out my MIL (who I have a good relationship with) has been telling her family how my parents live in a "humble, modest, not very nice home." That in itself didn't bother me too much, but BIL mentioned this and said that my parents must have been thrilled at the new place DH and I just bought because of how nice it is. My parents live in a 2000 square foot home, would be considered middle class. They are immigrants to the US, came with nothing, and own many homes, put me and my sibs through top tier colleges, and I'm really proud of them. I don't want to make a big issue about it, but MIL keeps bringing up how modestly they live in the context of our new house and I wish she'd shut up. I don't know a polite way to get them to stop talking about my parents and I'm not sure if I'm being overly sensitive about this. TIA!
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 06:42 PM Flag ]-
tell DH to tell his mother to shut the F up...and if she doesn't, tell your MIL that your parents aren't showy and don't need a big house to prove anything to anyone
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:44 PM FlagOP here. This is helpful - thanks. I told DH and he was really quiet and said he was embarrassed his mother would say that. He got angry and was going to talk to her, but told me that any confrontation would cause a big issue because his mother is a drama queen. He's right about that, so I asked him to please not say anything because I didn't want to cause tears and family drama. I just feel uncomfortable and want it to stop, and was hoping there was a polite way I could say something.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:47 PM FlagMy suggestion is for you or your DH to say something along the line of "perhaps Susie's parents were smarter than we are, not spending all their $$$ on one house" when MIL is making comparisons
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:52 PM FlagNp: It doesn't have to be a big confrontation. He could tell his brother "*I* don't appreciate the way mom talks about DW's family. DW is used to how she is, and I don't want to set her off. Mom needing to believe I saved DW from the streets is asinine, but it is what it is. Correcting her is not worth the drama. But do me a favor, don't repeat her lines."
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:10 PM Flag
OP here- thanks so much for all of your responses. This is really helpful. I guess I haven't said anything because I don't want to sound like I'm being overly defensive of my family. This entire thing makes me feel like I'm in an all white middle school again, being made fun of for having immigrant parents.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:58 PM FlagMIL wants to think her kid saved and uplifted you. Let her think that, but don't hesitate to tell others that you are proud of your parents' accomplishments.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:45 PM FlagI am like OP and married 20 years. ILs think that DH saved and uplifted me but it is I who gave DH purpose in life. I would not let ILs get away with crap. Be nice but also mention about how proud you are of your parents and how hard they WORKED for everything in life instead of taking it for granted. You feel that your parents gave you self-reliance and pride.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 09:13 PM Flag
I am from Manhattan. My DH was from a very sweet middle class family on LI. My mom actually cried begging me not to marry into the family - she said they were "provincial and nowhere." Last laugh is, my FIL hit it big in the internet boom and now they have ten times the money my parents do. My Mom has never gotten over the injustice.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 05:07 AM Flag
-
[+] Sigh...just got back from a girls trip in the Caribbean. 8 of us lovely ladies- mid 3... 19 replies
- OP: my kid was at her grandparents, one friend did the same with hers...
Talk : : April 06, 2012
Sigh...just got back from a girls trip in the Caribbean. 8 of us lovely ladies- mid 30's, went to college together...it was completely wonderful to just let our hair down for 6 days without DHs and DBs, and no black berries. Everyone still looks great, but at different points of our lives- newly wed, divorced, 3 kids, no kids, SAHM, WOHM, etc. However, we still have the same bond and love for each other that we had back in the day. So it is still possible to have that female bonding experience that UB would say doesn't exist anymore...
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 06:01 AM Flag ]happy you had a great time! BUT one question...ppl still use black berries? :)
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:06 AM Flagmy dh would never go for this. who watched the kids while you were away? glad you had a great time.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:09 AM Flagnp: why wouldn't your dh go for this? Hasn't he gone away ever with his friends or on business? Happy Wife, happy home!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:10 AM FlagSeriously, you DH can't watch his own kids for a week? Wow. Either he's incompetent or you're controlling and underestimate him. I can't believe a father wouldn't be able to watch his own children by himself for a few days. Wow.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:46 AM FlagIf they still have babies (under 3 years old), it would be tough for most dads to handle for more than a day, i think. I'm a single mom, and even i remember how tough it was to take care of DB alone without any help when he was newborn to 3 years old.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:53 AM FlagI just went away on a trip from Tuesday through Saturday night. DH didn't bat an eyelash at taking care of the kids (kids are 18mos and 3). I agree it's a big job but DH would never in a million years consider it not a part of parenting and being in a partnership.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:57 AM Flag
OR: dh works 6 days/week (leaves the house at 5 am). Home at 6:30ish. He is a great dad though. We have a part-time nanny only for the days that I work. Nice attitude you've got.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:56 AM FlagYou said you DH would "never go for this". I thik you're the one with the attitude problem. You DH should support what you need and help you figure out how to achieve it. If that means getting extra help with the kids os be it but you just accepting that "he would never go for it" Strikes me at pathetic.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:55 AM Flag
OP here: now i'm really sighing now...post has decomposed into UB snarkiness ... i def did not miss this!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:12 AM Flag
[+] omg. mil sent some music cd's for my 4yo daughter's birthday. she is so sure she ne... 39 replies
- , don't feel bad if they don't feel entirely close to you after the other set of grandparents who don't have millions constantly shower them with thoughtful things just because they saw it at the...and i do want them to have real toys and real gifts two times a year from grandparents who can afford it. they don't have to have a silver spoon out of every orifice but grandparents who think of them and give "generously" twice a year is more than within the realm of...
Talk : : April 05, 2012
omg. mil sent some music cd's for my 4yo daughter's birthday. she is so sure she needs more music in her life! i told her legos would probably be a better choice. it's going straight back to goddamn amazon.
39 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 07:27 PM Flag ]I'm missing something, what's wrong with CDs? Do you ever truly have "enough" music? (I would say there's no such thing as enough Legos, either, but if MIL prefers music to Legos, oh well--buy the Legos yourself. We have about 20 pounds of Legos bought by my DH at yard sales.)
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:29 PM Flagand she is so goddamn cheap! she has millions and she sends a fucking cd for a little girl's birthday! and my 7 yo son got a goddamn baloon pump and some noisy baloons for his birthday. wtf. she's just going to leave it to the goddamn church.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:29 PM Flagnp My mother has millions. Guess what my kids get for their birthdays? Nothing.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:31 PM Flag-
we don't need it. we have even more than she does. but what is wrong with sending something around $30 for her grandchildren? would it kill her to just buy some fucking legos or a doll house or something? we were on a year long trip. she hadn't sent the kids shit for x-mas or birthdays for over a year. so she says she'll take them to the toy store on her next visit out to us. we get to the store. first thing she says to the kids "you only get one!" wtf? she cant' spare $100 for 2 kids after a year of nothing. gets on my damn nerves.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:35 PM Flag
-
+1 She sounds so mean/bitter that I almost think this is fake. But not quite!
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:33 PM Flagpp: I hope someone clues your husband in on your vile attitude. And just curious, what was the last nice, decent, pleasant thing you did for your MIL?
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:36 PM Flaguh, i sent her a $250 camera for christmas? i sent her about $150 worth of outdoor sporting gear for her birthday? she sends me and hubby shit for our birthdays. and practically nothing for x-mas (ice clogs to walk down the driveway one year). and that is fine for us. we are adults. but why can't she be just a tiny weeny bitsy more generous to her grandkids. she sent a goddamn $1 toy from target for ds's 3rd birthday. she is out of it.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:38 PM Flag
ok. you chumps with mils who are not millionaires who get $100 gifts for dc's christmas, suck it. we have money. we spend it on kids. if you have millions and you can't part with $100 a year for the grandkids, don't feel bad if they don't feel entirely close to you after the other set of grandparents who don't have millions constantly shower them with thoughtful things just because they saw it at the store and thought some little boy or girl would really enjoy having it. screw youuuuuuu -- gotta go. must email amazon to cancel that retarded cd which we won't be needing.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:44 PM FlagI'd write you and your children right out of my will if you were my child or DIL. But I won't have to face this situation because my boys won't marry shallow, vile, materialistic shewolves.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 08:56 PM Flagi'd shed a tear to make you feel better but unfortunately, i already made a chunk working in finance. i don't need her money (which won't be coming cuz she's a religious freak) or your money, not that you have any. but i will be laughing when your boys will inevitably marry some woman with a hot bod despite your disapproval. i hope she'll always be gone to europe with the children in the summer to escape the heat so they unfortunately will be unable to visit. suck on it :p
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:10 PM Flagnp. Perhaps --just perhaps-- your MIL finds you to be a bit materialistic, and is hoping to teach her grandchildren that gifts=/=love, and that people are more important than things.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:43 PM Flaggtfo. i really can't believe you people are ok with a woman nearly in her 80's with a few million to her name who can't spare even $25 for a grandchild's birthday. she is nuts about this shit. she gets pissed if we try to pay for my BIL (her son) when we go out to dinner because everyone has to pay his way. and because of this dh used to let her pay for her own meals which i found so embarrassing and now he picks up her tab. and she's ok WITH THAT. then we go to visit her and we pick up some stuff at the grocery store for our stay and she actually sorts out *her* stuff and *our* stuff and says "you can pay for that." then, of course, it's embarrassing so i say, "no, you're opening up your home to us. we'll pay for all of it." and please, my children have no idea how much money any one of us has. my son constantly nags us to give him some cash because the kids in his class all have money from birthdays which they brag about. we gave him a quarter when he lost his tooth because money and children seem so crass. but they are children. and i do want them to have real toys and real gifts two times a year from grandparents who can afford it. they don't have to have a silver spoon out of every orifice but grandparents who think of them and give "generously" twice a year is more than within the realm of human expectations. and i'll bet $10 that you drive a fancier car and carry a fancier bag than i do even though we have over 50x the money my MIL does. there's nothing materialistic going on in this house. just a crazy MIL who's too damn cheap to make kids smile on birthdays.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 10:18 PM Flag-
^^And I think everyone is piling on because you sound really unhinged. I mean seriously, read your posts and pretend to be just a nameless stranger on UB and see how you sound. Now maybe you're not, but it's hard to believe after reading all of your rantings. Anyway, you can't change her, so just stop trying or you will drive yourself crazy even if you're not there already.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 11:40 PM Flag
-
[+] DD spent the night at my ILs. She comes back home and is bossy, sassy and generally ... 9 replies
- op - no she sleeps over at both sets of grandparents once in a while. She is 4 and MIL said she slept 12 hours straight....
- She was likely overindulged. A grandchild is like a princess at her grandparents' house...
Talk : : April 05, 2012
DD spent the night at my ILs. She comes back home and is bossy, sassy and generally rude to the caregivers - What could it be??
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 12:11 PM Flag ]Overtired? Overstimulated? How old is she? Was it her first time away?
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 12:11 PM FlagShe held it together for them, and now is in a safe place where she can let it all out. My dd was a piece of work after any type of sleepover. Too much stimulation, unfamiliar bed. I can't even sleep away from home without feeling it. So I don't expect any different from my child.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 12:27 PM Flag
[+] Whoops. I mentioned this morning in front of two colleagues that chest hair grosses ... 28 replies
- My DH is nordic! As were two (out of my 5 boyfriends in total). DH is blonde and blue eyed. Paternal grandparents from Norway, maternal grandparents are English....
Talk : : April 05, 2012
Whoops. I mentioned this morning in front of two colleagues that chest hair grosses me out. They promptly informed me that they both have copious amounts of chest hair. Oh well, must...think...harder...before...speaking!
28 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 11:15 AM Flag ]Laugh if off. Since you aren't planning on seeing these guys naked, it doesn't matter what you think, right?
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 11:17 AM FlagWe all laughed it off but these are literally the two people I work closest with on a daily basis.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 11:20 AM Flagwell, you'll never be tempted to sleep with these guys! I think they loved having the chance to brag about all of that chest hair
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 11:21 AM Flag
-
-
[+] I worry about my dcs. I grew up in another country but DH grew up in NY fairly privi... 9 replies
- much melodrama regarding class. life sucks. you got downgraded. stop straddling the other fancy existence. you can have friends over for dinner sometimes or make it potluck. you can't go on fancy vacations and weekends in the hamptons. if grandparents want to foot the bill, join on luxury leisure. otherwise, live like middle class people. if people aren't assholes, they'll understand. the end....
Talk : : April 05, 2012
I worry about my dcs. I grew up in another country but DH grew up in NY fairly priviliged, but not enough that he has a trust fund. Due to unemployment for a number of years and underemployment we have nothing saved and cannot afford the life of our friends or dhs family. We have friends that are more "like us" and dd likely will go to school with people like her. BUT we straddle this other very fancy existence with other friends and DHs family - how do you deal with that dynamic and explain it to a child? dcs are 5 and 1 fwiw...
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 10:04 AM Flag ]I wouldnt' bring it up. WHen DCs notice differences and ask, you say that everyone lives the life they can afford and that the most important thing is friends & family. If you don't make a big deal about your lack of fancy things, DCs may not think it's a big deal either. This all said, you should also try to readjust your lifestyle so that you can start saving.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 10:07 AM Flagwhy is there so much melodrama regarding class. life sucks. you got downgraded. stop straddling the other fancy existence. you can have friends over for dinner sometimes or make it potluck. you can't go on fancy vacations and weekends in the hamptons. if grandparents want to foot the bill, join on luxury leisure. otherwise, live like middle class people. if people aren't assholes, they'll understand. the end.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 10:26 AM Flag-
This. Reassess your own values system before you pass it along to your children. Children from stable homes with at least one loving parental figure will do okay in life. Money and status are not important! Teach them about financial responsibility and planning.. Teach them to be good people. Get over your childish jealousy.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 10:52 AM Flag
[+] My daughter just got her period for the very first time. I'm surprisingly freaked/str... 45 replies
- .) but maybe she'd like a more grown-up item of jewelry like a pretty birthstone necklace? Overall don't make a big deal of it. Especially not in front of dad/sibs/grandparents/friends/neighbors. The gift could be a special mom thing "just because" she's growing up. And make sure you have a heating pad, those early cramps are brutal....
Talk : : April 05, 2012
My daughter just got her period for the very first time. I'm surprisingly freaked/stressed about this--not ready for it to happen! Though I'm being calm and matter-of-fact with her, promise. She's not thrilled either. My questions are: how have others handled this? Was anyone able to get their daughters to use tampons successfully right away? I just think they're SO much easier, but she is really having trouble with the whole concept, understandably. And, did anyone do anything special to mark this for or with their daughters? I'm sort of bad at events, traditions, celebrations, and I don't particularly feel this is something to celebrate, but wonder if there's something sweet to do that would be meaningful and not embarrassing for her. Just want to do the right thing.
45 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 09:31 AM Flag ]Let her use pads first. She'll want to switch later. People can figure these things out by themselves. Its sad when they grow up :(
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:33 AM FlagBuy her a purse she likes for her "personal items". No need to celebrate, but no need to make a huge deal out of it. And don't force her to use tampons. Have both tampons and pads available, and let her use what whe wants to use.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:34 AM Flag^^Heh. My mother forbid me from using tampons. She thought you were no longer a virgin if you put a tampon inside. Ugh. That first summer I couldn't go swimming at camp and was too embarassed to tell anyone why. Then I pushed the issue and bought my own tampons.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:37 AM Flag
She's too young for tampons, and she's already embarassed enough about her period please do not celebrate it. I would be pissed if I came home and my mom had balloons and a cake that says "happy first period!"
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:43 AM FlagWhy too young for tampons? That is just silly. And you don't even know what age this girl is!
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:48 AM FlagThe girl has to be between the ages of 10-13, do you think someone that age can remember to take out a tampon at the right time? I know adults that don't remember to take out their tampons and will stick another up there. She's too young for tampons, I think 16 or 17 is an appropriate age to introduce it.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 10:04 AM FlagI really disagree. I used tampons starting at 12 and so did all 3 of my daughters. From my experience, teenage girls are fastidious when it comes to this stuff, especially if there is any risk of embarrassing blood stains at school!
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 10:25 AM FlagOk ladies, you can allow your dd to wear a tampon at 12. I personally would not let mine wear one at that age. To each his own..
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 10:47 AM FlagSure but IF you do have daughters, don't count on them waiting until you give them your permission to try tampons. Honestly, I've never known any girl or woman in my life who waited until 16 or 17 to use tampons? Maybe because I grew up near the ocean and bathing suits were what we wore 3 months of the year?
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 01:00 PM Flag
Make both pads and tampons available. Get a few types of pads so she can decide which one she likes and work well for her. For the tampons, buy the junior size and be sure that the in-package material is all there which explains exactly what to do. It depends on her personality how much she'll want to share this milestone with you. For me, the less made of it, the better! I'd be sure she knows you're there for ay questions or concerns but then back off. Do you know if any of her friends have their period yet? That helps a ton to not be the first.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:43 AM FlagOP: there are junior tampons? that's very helpful, thanks. I know she desperately wants to be able to swim at camp. Actually, this entire response is really helpful. I will back off. I think she's probably first among her friends, and she's not a talker, at least about this sort of thing. I just feel bad for her. It's hard to feel that this will make her life any easier, or to put an especially good spin on bleeding every month for the next 40 years!!
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:48 AM FlagIt's really no big deal. The smallest Tampax are the "Lites", then next smallest are slender regular. There is some information for girls new to tampons on the Tampax website. DO talk to her about proper disposal of everything, and the need to change tampons at least every 8 hours due to risk of toxic shock syndrome (Yes, I got it when I was 16 and it was really bad). Encourage pad use for overnights.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:55 AM FlagYou could maybe point her towards the BeingGirl website. My daughter watched that when she first got her period. http://www.beinggirl.com FWIW I wore tampons starting at age 12 and both my daughters did as well. Not being able to swim at camp would be a major bummer. But she also might not get regular periods for awhile, so she might be OK for the summer.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:58 AM FlagOB brand also makes very small ones. No applicator though - it's better for the environment, but might freak your DD out.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:59 AM Flag
My friend threw her dd a 'red party', inviting her closest friends and female family members.. My dd told me that if I did that for her she would kill me.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:45 AM FlagI gave my daughter the choice between tampons and pads. Just make sure you keep them stocked. They sometimes get embarrassed about asking for more.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:50 AM FlagIs there some small grown-up thing that she's been wanting to have/do that you've held off on? For me it was being allowed to wear lip gloss to school (oh, those were different times....) but maybe she'd like a more grown-up item of jewelry like a pretty birthstone necklace? Overall don't make a big deal of it. Especially not in front of dad/sibs/grandparents/friends/neighbors. The gift could be a special mom thing "just because" she's growing up. And make sure you have a heating pad, those early cramps are brutal.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:53 AM FlagI like the idea of buying her a new bag, something she really loves and maybe a bit of a splurge. One thing my mom did for me and my sisters was to always have a big stash of a variety of pads and tampons available in our bathroom closet. She'd replace stuff as it got used so we didn't need to ask or shop for it ourselves. I was pretty close to my mom and certainly told her when I first got my period but I figured out how to deal with it privately on my own.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:54 AM FlagThat sounds nice, but my 13yo has no issue telling me she needs more pads and we go to CVS and pick some out. I think this idea that it's secret or something is very old-fashioned. My dd told me some girls at her school have needed pads and she just hands them out in the bathroom (carries a few in her backpack). I don't think it should be so hush hush.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:55 AM FlagIt wasn't hush-hush, just very matter-of-fact. It was nice not having to ask. She also kept us stocked with toilet paper, shampoo, soap etc. I did feel pretty private about it all, like it was my own business and would have been embarrassed if she'd made a bigger deal of it. So I guess she understood that.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 11:39 AM Flag
No tampons until she is an old hand with the whole period situation. She'll ask for tampons when she's ready (meaing her friends are using them). And stop freaking out. It's part of her life as she grows. You don't have to celebrate but don't make her feel like it's a big hurdle
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 10:49 AM FlagI posted above that she's too young for tampons and I'm being told that is silly. I just can't imagine my twelve putting something up her vagina.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 10:58 AM FlagI didn't read all of the posts, but I agree with you. Let her get used to dealing with her period using pads. Once her friends are talking about using tampons and she is ready to try them, she'll let you know. I didn't use them until the summer I was 16. That seemed to be the usual time with my group of friends - and only then when we wanted to sunbath every day
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 11:01 AM Flag-
I think this is old fashioned thinking. My 12 yo chose pads, but many of her friends use tampons, especially those into sports.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 01:33 PM Flag
My dd knew she would be getting it eventually. When she did get it (at 11yr), I gave her a pad and helped her for a few days (adhering it properly). After like 2-3 days, she got the hang of it and does it herself now. I never even considered giving her a tampon. She was only 11yr. With toxic shock syndrome, she doesn't need to start this so young. She has her lifetime to start tampons.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 05:20 PM Flag
[+] Is it weird for someone Jewish to celebrate Easter? 61 replies
- np: this is great. growing up my best friend was jewish and i loved friday night dinners at her grandparents, getting presents at her house for hannukkah and she loved coming over to decorate our christmas tree and having a gift from santa at our house. great way for kids to celebrate the fun things and learn about other cultures....
Talk : : April 04, 2012
Is it weird for someone Jewish to celebrate Easter?
61 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.04.12, 01:20 PM Flag ]-
We're Jewish and we observe the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, as well as celebrate his resurrection on Easter Sunday.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:23 PM Flag-
Yes! http://www.jewsforjesus.org/
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:28 PM Flag-
This means you are "Jews for Jesus", otherwise known as Evangelical Christians who focus on converting Jews, and who use some superficial Jewish customs to make people feel they can convert without betraying their heritage.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:28 PM Flag-
-
-
-
not your faith. i expect the ethnicity aspect will disappear with the next generation.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:34 PM Flag-
Not so. "Jews for Jesus is a conservative, Christian evangelical organization that focuses on the conversion of Jews to Christianity."
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:34 PM Flag-
-
-
-
Given that the major theological difference between Judaism and Christianity is whether or not one believes that Jesus was the christ (messiah), that is a contradiction in terms. You may be ethnically Jewish, but you are not Jewish by religion.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:29 PM FlagNP: Believing whether or not Christ was the messiah, has nothing to do with whether he existed or not. Do not Jews acknowledge that He existed without claiming Him to be the messiah? If so, I do not see a problem w/ the OR being Jewish and observing Good Friday or Easter.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:37 PM FlagYou still have to believe the whole magical resurrection thing for Easter. Many Jews I know believe he may have existed as a mortal man who was sort of a radical rabbi in his time. Nobody believes he rose from the dead or was some sort of incarnation of god (beyond the sense that all living things have a spark of the divine).
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:40 PM Flag
Yes -- since according to christian teaching it was the jews who killed the savior
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:23 PM Flagmy best friend from high school is jewish. it was her family tradition to hold an easter egg hunt (not necessarily on easter sunday though). it often fell on passover - so i loved the easter egg hunt followed by matzoh brei
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:24 PM FlagEaster is a secular holiday regarding fertility and spring rites with pagan origins. It was merely co-opted by Christians during the early periods of the church to make Christianity appeal to a wider audience. It is very possible and not strange at all to celebrate the pagan/secular traditions of the holiday without delving into the religious significance of the crucifixion/resurrection of Jesus. There is a big difference between the two(Jesus didn't bring chocolate bunnies or colored eggs).
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:29 PM FlagI always tell ds that you go to birthday parties when it's not YOUR birthday. Likewise, it's okay to share celebrations with friends of different faiths, even if you do not observe that faith. I'd say attending mass might be a bit much, but Easter egg rolls? Sure!
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:31 PM FlagI think it's more like, would you go to someone's party if you thought THEY didn't exist?
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:51 PM Flag-
np: this is great. growing up my best friend was jewish and i loved friday night dinners at her grandparents, getting presents at her house for hannukkah and she loved coming over to decorate our christmas tree and having a gift from santa at our house. great way for kids to celebrate the fun things and learn about other cultures.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 02:57 PM Flag
-
Depends on how religious you are. If very, then yes, it's weird. If you're only casually observant, then no, probably not, assuming you're just eating chocolate and dying eggs. It's a very secular holiday. We grew up celebrating it (non-religious family) and generally thought of it as a candy-filled spring holiday.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 08:41 PM Flag
-
[+] Anyone go to med school when you already had kids? How'd it go? 25 replies
- , then it became 2% better in my 3rd year. It's a rough road, but I started the same year that my kids started K. I also have family nearby who are able to fill a lot of the emotional void. My DC's love their grandparents and are very close to them....
Talk : : April 03, 2012
Anyone go to med school when you already had kids? How'd it go?
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.03.12, 06:44 PM Flag ]Yes. I have two. I'm still in it. What do you want to know?
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 06:55 PM FlagIs it a crazy idea? It had always been my plan but I took time off to work in a lab and save money. When I had DDs, the work life balance was great. I know everyone makes choices in how they spend their time, but I'm afraid that if I go for it, I'll never see my kids. I had heard positive stories & thought it would be ok but the last two med school moms that I've talked too didn't even end up living with their DCs part of the time. How much time are you able to spend with your kids?
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 07:10 PM FlagThe first two years, I rarely saw the children, then it became 2% better in my 3rd year. It's a rough road, but I started the same year that my kids started K. I also have family nearby who are able to fill a lot of the emotional void. My DC's love their grandparents and are very close to them.
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 07:29 PM FlagMy hope is to start when younger on starts K too. We would all be starting school. How did you make the decision to go?
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 07:35 PM FlagAnd you haven't even started residency. Residency is much, much worse than medical school. Why would you be so selfish and do this to your family. It's disgusting IMHO.
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 08:09 PM FlagSeriously, OR. Why would you even think of pursuing a great career or helping people? YOU HAVE CHILDREN, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Do you think you're a man or something?
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 08:18 PM FlagThis was not a sexist/misogynistic comment. I think women should do whatever their heart desires, but going to medical school with young children is just mean to your family. Either go before kids or wait until the kids are older.
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 08:23 PM FlagI think that making this kind of career move when you have young kids is pretty selfish, unless the other parent is able to be home A LOT.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 04:45 AM Flag
OR: Hmmm...interesting. Most of my friends are having children during residency. I guess they are all EVIL. muahahahahahaha.
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 08:30 PM Flag-
Don't do it. Medicine is a terrible profession and work-life balance doesn't exist. Period.
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 07:19 PM Flag-
Physician mom here. Untrue. It really depends on what field of medicine you choose. Its one of the few professions where part-time jobs for a mom with young children are a realistic option. Also, the possibility to take off a year or two, and then smoothly reenter the workforce is also very common. Most other jobs don't give you this option. My work-life balance is as good or better than most of my working mom-friends. Especially since I've left the academic hospital jobs and switched to private practice (for flexibility since my children are toddlers now).
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 10:25 PM Flag
-
DH is a resident. Hasn't seen DB since Fri. Pretty sad if you ask me.
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 07:19 PM FlagLife's tough as a resident. But it only lasts a couple years, depending on your program. For most programs, the first year is the worst (internship), and every year gets better after that. And after residency is over (3-4 years), you have your pick of jobs. So your DH can choose the job that fits your family's life. What is it you do, BTW?
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 10:28 PM Flag
My sister tried but ultimately decided to become a nurse practitioner instead. She had to start with a post-bac pre-med program so she had a longer road to start but she also had her DCs very young (eary 20s) so she had the tome
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 04:01 AM Flagmd mom here- I didn't have my first kid until my last year of residency. But that said, there were a number of people in my med school class who started off with kids and/or had kids during med school. It's hard but doable if it's really what you want. If you have good family support it's totally worth it. I have a great part time job with job security. I teach residents and medical school students a few months a year. To me, it's an ideal setup
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 05:41 AM FlagJust keep in mind that in 3rd and 4th year, and in residency, your schedule is VERY unpredictable. My dh is halfway through residency, and all through his clinical rotations in Med school, and in residency, you don't get your rotation schedule until a week or so before it begins. We don't have kids yet, but when we do, we will have to hire childcare for every second I can't be with the kids, because although he might be home at some points to take care of them, he won't ever know far enough in advance to be able to schedule childcare around it. This is very much the case for most med schools and many residencies. I don't know what your dh does, but reliable childcare would be really important.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 05:44 AM Flag
[+] I am kind of shocked and I'm sure you'll tell me to STFU or grow a thicker skin. A fr... 25 replies
Talk : : April 02, 2012
I am kind of shocked and I'm sure you'll tell me to STFU or grow a thicker skin. A friend is planning what sounds like it will be an over-the-top first birthday party (with many guests invited beyond immediate family) for her DD and it looks like my family's invitation got "lost in the mail." I see all this talk about this event on her Facebook wall and it's going to take place later this month. This "friend" always comes to me for advice and opinions. FWIW this past winter we had a family celebration for my DB's birthday (DH, DB, me, grandparents, aunt and uncle) but no friends were invited. Just wanted to vent. Will shrug it off, I guess.
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.02.12, 07:26 PM Flag ]she sounds like an ass but maybe she was peeved or thought you wouldn't care because you only had family at yours.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 07:28 PM Flag-
consider yourself lucky you don't have to buy a gift. the party will be a zoo and no one will have a good time.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 07:29 PM FlagIDK. I would be totally pissed if that happened. If she comes to you for advice again, I would just ask her how the planning is going--say you saw it on FB. Just so she knows you know. Then you can move on.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 07:36 PM FlagWho has a birthday party for a 1 YO? Immediate family and grandparents. Anything bigger, and the party is for the parents, not the kid. She's probably an egomaniac.
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 05:51 AM FlagFB always made me feel inadequate. I never had the 400+ friends and everyones life always sounded so exciting but when i'd see those people in real life they looked miserable or stressed out. The party sounds stressful and be glad your're not going. I'm sure she looks like a wreck right about now.
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 04:51 PM FlagWhat about taking the high road? If you truly value her as a friend (and that's why you are upset at not being invited -- not because she "owes" you for the advice you've given), then go ahead and get a small gift or card for her dc. Maybe she'll get a better idea of how much you value her friendship.
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 05:01 PM Flag
[+] Spin off of the Shirley Chisholm post, what type of education did most of you receive... 9 replies
- Jean Toomer,---honestly, so many that I could fill an entire page. Black history featured so prominently in my life coming up. My mother & father were very much a part of the civil rights era and political struggle. My grandparents who graduated from HBCUs as legacies(their parents/my great-grandparents also attended) were very adamant that I should know my history as well. Ex: I remember my grandfather telling me with books about the middle passage at the age...
Talk : : April 02, 2012
Spin off of the Shirley Chisholm post, what type of education did most of you receive when it came to black history? Who were the main figures about whom you were taught. This is not a flame post, I'm truly curious
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.02.12, 06:22 PM Flag ]In no particular order - George Washington Carver, WEB DuBois, Harriet Tubman, Booker T Washington, Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X. Shirley Chisholm was in Congress when I was growing up, so she wasn't history - she was current events.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 06:30 PM Flag-
-
np: that's pretty amazing. I grew up in manhattan, went to tt (in the 1980s) and the only black history we learned in school was slave history and colonization. zero about egypt or african history, zero about black scientists, doctors, inventors, other innovators. Black history month was focused entirely on mlk. I didn't learn any comprehensive black history until college.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 07:07 PM Flag
-
-
Thanks for calling my post trash (more than trying to be incendiary regarding race,I am angry), but I didn't see your post and that's why I did not respond to it. My mother worked for Chisholm's campaign. My earliest memories are of my mother telling me about her and the large signed pic she had of her. In terms of other people: Paul Robeson, Marian Anderson(grew up in D.C.),Maya Angelou, Booker T. Washington, WEB DuBois, Carter G. Woodson(again D.C.), Harriet Tubman, MLK jr., Malcolm X, Marcus Garvey,Zora Neale Hurston, Langston Hughes, Alex Haley, Virginia Hamilton(favorite author as a child), Jean Toomer,---honestly, so many that I could fill an entire page. Black history featured so prominently in my life coming up. My mother & father were very much a part of the civil rights era and political struggle. My grandparents who graduated from HBCUs as legacies(their parents/my great-grandparents also attended) were very adamant that I should know my history as well. Ex: I remember my grandfather telling me with books about the middle passage at the age of 6.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 07:01 PM FlagThere's a quote from Shirley Chisholm on the wall of the Grace Church School dining room: Service is the rent we pay to live on the earth.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 07:02 PM FlagNone. History teacher had a fixation with Greeks and Romans. We got as far as 1066ad.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 07:07 PM Flag
[+] Adoptive parents or people who were raised in a family that adopted: Have you adopted... 4 replies
- my grandparents did this, my father's family, they ended up fostering and then adopting the child of a single mother, friend of my gran's, who passed away. my uncle was older than my father, and his four siblings, but had been around their family for years. it all worked...
Talk : : April 02, 2012
Adoptive parents or people who were raised in a family that adopted: Have you adopted an older child that was older than your biological child(ren)? Did you have any problems with birth order issues? I want to hear from you! (Ubers, please do not answer if this doesn't apply to you, please. Thank you)
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.02.12, 01:54 PM Flag ]I don't have experience yet but have been reading about it. If you google "adoption forums" & find one of the links w a lot of posts, you'll find a lot. Those guys are really knowledgeable.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 02:35 PM Flagmy grandparents did this, my father's family, they ended up fostering and then adopting the child of a single mother, friend of my gran's, who passed away. my uncle was older than my father, and his four siblings, but had been around their family for years. it all worked out fine, and nobody treats him any differently. GL
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 03:03 PM Flag
[+] Not trying to start a fight (but I probably will). Do your young DCs know about homos... 14 replies
- My kids know that sometimes kids have one mom/one dad, two moms, two dads, aunt/uncle, and grandparents that raise their friends and cousins. My brother has been married for 10 years (Canada) to his wonderful husband....
Talk : : April 02, 2012
Not trying to start a fight (but I probably will). Do your young DCs know about homosexuality. I'm a nanny for children who know many gay couples. They have friends with two dads, their parents have gay friends, I figured it was a non issue. But when I mentioned that boys could marry boys, 5 year old was oddly defiant. He said boys couldn't marry each other, when I asked him if that was the case how come his friends had two daddies, he said because they were both married to the mommy.
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.02.12, 01:17 PM Flag ]-
At age 5, lets hope they don't have that much info on heterosexuality. Preschoolers often want to marry their mothers and its a bit confusing as to where the baby came from to little tikes. Their our books on the issue that are age appropriate, perhaps you could suggest to the parents now might be a good time to get one.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 01:20 PM FlagTell them as they are ready, no reason for a fight. As he gets older he my ask you but I wouldn't push it. My kid's have had some great books, I think they are called "It's Perfectly Amazing," and "It's Perfectly Natural." I could be a bit off on the titles and I don't remember which one is for which age. What I really like about these books is that there are two characters - one is really interested in everything and one doesn't what to know too much and I like that both of their viewpoints are OK.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 01:22 PM FlagOP: I would never push this, especially with someone elses children. The only reason I brought it up was because I assume he knew, there are just so many gay couples in his life. I think the fact that it makes more sense to him that a couple is in a bigamous relationship with a woman DC's never met, than that two men are married, is sort of precious.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 01:30 PM Flag
DD has always known about and accepted homosexual couples as part of her life - the couple across the hall from us are gay men and DH's sister has been with her partner for the last 20 years. It was an issue in nursery school for her when she insisted that two girls could get married, but one of the boys said that wasn't possible. It was years ago and I don't remember how we dealt with it specifically, other than to say than to tell her that she was mostly right (the technical legalities were way over her 3 year old head).
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 01:42 PM FlagSort of. We have a neighbor in our building close to dc's age who has two moms, and I have some work friends who have families with same-gender partners. Older dc asked TONS of questions about biology when his brother was on the way, so he had the basics down before he turns 4. We distinguished between "growing a baby" and "raising a baby", and said that although most people had the same parents for both parts, not everyone does, and it takes both genders to start a baby growing.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 02:04 PM Flag
-
Subscribe to our newsletters!
Go »
Inside UrbanBaby
UrbanBabyBuzz
Probably the picture right to the side here, probably already has you judging this show. If so, Netflix’s description of the plot may turn you off still further: “Journey to the enchanted land of Equestria, where young unicorn ...
More »
UrbanBabyNewYork
A changing body during or after pregnancy means you’re ready to rethink your workout routine. Instead of denouncing the gym for weeks, then working yourself into a frenzy of Bikram yoga, spin and sprints in the park, it’s time for a ...
More »
