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[+] WWYD? My nanny asked us to be godparents to her kids at baptism next fall. She and h... 6 replies
Talk : : April 10, 2012
WWYD? My nanny asked us to be godparents to her kids at baptism next fall. She and her husband put us on the spot at our baby's birthday party, after a few drinks, and we said yes. Now we don't think it is a good idea because we have no relationship with these kids, have only met them once and we are having problems with nanny and don't want to feel bad about letting her go in the future. I don't know what they expect from us as godparents as we are not very religious. How horrible is it if we tell her that we don't feel comfortable being their godparents and think she should ask someone close to the children? ugh, i feel terrible!
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 09:24 PM Flag ]I was in the reverse situation. I asked a very dear friend to be Godmother during my pregnancy. She said no and was a little rude about it. In hindsight, thank God she said no!! It took one of us to realize she would've been a terrible Godmother (drinker, smoker, unstable...but at the time I was "non-judgmental" and looked past the red flags...hmmm). My point is this: someone has to step forward and be the voice of reason and, as much as it may hurt their feelings at first, in the long run EVERYONE involved will be very grateful and thankful that someone came to their senses and stopped this relationship from occuring. You have to back out...
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:48 PM FlagThe godparents are supposed to take care of the religious instruction for the child but it can also extend into a lot of giftgiving. The nanny was really overboard to ask this of you. You have to tell her that after thinking it over you are sure she needs to ask someone in her own church. It may feel awkward but you can't be stuck with this family for life
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:50 PM FlagOP: thank you for your replies. I think I know what we have to do and it stinks. I feel so bad because she is so sweet and calls us her angels. But I am so uncomfortable with it and I don't think we are the right people to be their godparents for many reasons. This is going to be a tough conversation.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:59 PM FlagIf you were close to the nanny and she felt like family, I would say go for it, but you said that there are problems and it might create a conflict of interest, so I would find a way to get out of it. But you have to be nice about it.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 11:35 PM Flag
[+] Birthday present ideas for a 4 year old girl who is into princesses (max $30)? 8 replies
Talk : : April 10, 2012
[+] Best birthday gift for 6 year old girl. Would like to spend $100. 21 replies
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Best birthday gift for 6 year old girl. Would like to spend $100.
21 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 05:13 PM Flag ]-
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If you can go up a bit, the 100 pc Magna Tile kit. For either sex.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:23 PM FlagGet her an entire village of barbies. I know it's cool to come up with these gender neutral gifts whenever it's a girl...but come on. Those of us who have daughters know that 80% of the time, they like the glittery princess-y over the top junk which is why manufacturers make it--because it sells.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:29 PM FlagI'd get her a big bag of loot--some bling, some hair doodads, a book, a feather pen, etc., etc. She's doesn't need or want a single big present. Kids like junky stuff that's fun.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:30 PM Flag-
Make an awesome art kit. My dd loves that stuff (6 yo). Markers, looms, spool knitter, fun yarn.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:42 PM Flag
[+] So... my ds received a 91% on the OLSAT going into the 1st grade ~sigh~ We are in dis... 31 replies
- he's been doing before he started school. I'm actually really shocked at the score. Last year he got a 99 in the OLSAT section but only a 9% on the BRSA (I found out he did not want to do the test because there was a birthday party in the class that he was pulled out of smh) Now I'm discouraged :(...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
So... my ds received a 91% on the OLSAT going into the 1st grade ~sigh~ We are in district 2. What are the chances of him getting into Lower Lab (should I get that out of my mind) how would you guys rank the district 2 schools?
31 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 12:43 PM Flag ]LL is filled with all 99's in the kindergarten. I assume there are 99's who will apply for 1st grade. They are adding probably 4 seats per class
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:48 PM Flag-
OP: ok so (before touring) I was going to rank LL, ps11, ps33, ps217, ps130 then ps198. Am I even likely to get into my second or third choices? Where do you guys find out home many seats are offered for the 1st grade?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 01:10 PM Flagwith 91 for 1st grade you will be lucky to get any spot. sorry, this is just reality.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 01:14 PM FlagI think the DOE guarantees a spot to all qualifying first graders. How happy are you with your zoned?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 01:37 PM Flag-
OP: I just went on the DOE site and hand 1st grade get guaranteed spots. At our zone school my ds isn't being challenged AT ALL. He's been reading chapter books since pre k knows his multiplication tables and much more. At this point his classwork consists of sounding out letters and matching lower case and upper case letters...things he's been doing before he started school. I'm actually really shocked at the score. Last year he got a 99 in the OLSAT section but only a 9% on the BRSA (I found out he did not want to do the test because there was a birthday party in the class that he was pulled out of smh) Now I'm discouraged :(
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 01:49 PM Flag
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Why would you rank 198G&T last? I understand LL being ranked higher, but based on my experience with D2 tours, 198G&T is definitely the next best. Of course, this is my opinion but the point is that you should go on the tours and assess which school best fits your child's needs - don't base decision on random UB comments!
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 02:25 PM Flag
[+] I'm new to the whole private school thing but why are there 7 year old in kindergarte... 25 replies
- 7 just at the very end of the year, maybe in May. I only know one kid like that, though. Sometimes the May birthdays don't get in to private school at all (too young, then too old.)...
- many suburban mom friends have red shirted their late spring/early summer boys. My son started K this past September at age 4y10m (birthday is November). I have a friend whose son started K in suburban Mass at age 6y3m. Her son will be 7 before...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
I'm new to the whole private school thing but why are there 7 year old in kindergarten?
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 10:16 AM Flag ]there aren't 7yr olds in K in the fall...IF there are 7yr olds, they are late spring bdays
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:17 AM FlagOP: i understand that but my dc has a spring bday and is turning 6, I think it's insane
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:19 AM Flagor: I'm with you but with many schools don't follow their own cutoffs. They come and say turn 6 by 9/1 for k BUT then they tell a boy that is a June bday that they are too young at 5yr and to wait a yr...so the kid will turn 7yr at the end of K. Insane. My ds is an end of October bday..he will start K just after turning 6yr. Not my fav but that's how it workds
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:22 AM Flag
np -- nd they screw up the whole curve of maturity/socialization. We have 3 dc turning 9 in my dc's 2nd grade class next week after my dc just turned 8 last week. One year age difference in a "school year" is unfair and unnecessary. I find this self-centered and unfair to younger dc who are placed in their proper grade.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:21 AM Flag
I'm a NYC public school mom... but I cannot even tell you how many suburban mom friends have red shirted their late spring/early summer boys. My son started K this past September at age 4y10m (birthday is November). I have a friend whose son started K in suburban Mass at age 6y3m. Her son will be 7 before K ends. My son won't be 7 until 2nd grade!
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:27 AM FlagNot the parents' fault if the school won't start a summer boy when he's just-turned-5.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:28 AM FlagMy ds is not yet 2 so this is still a while off for us and I am clueless. If his bday is in July, does that mean Ks will not take him right after he turns 5, and we have to wait until he turns 6? That seems nuts. Is it our choice or the schools' choice, or varies by school?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:45 AM Flag
Because the accomplishments of 6 and 7 year olds look fabulous when compared to the 5 year olds in public school. This lets the private schools justify their exorbitant tuition by pointing out how accomplished their kindergarteners are. Plus, they're easier to teach than younger kids, so you can get teachers to do it for less pay!
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:43 AM Flag
[+] I need help I can't decide if I should go to pilates or soul cycle this morning. Berg... 15 replies
- I realize this is a spoof, but I was in this predicament the other day. I just walked around with an iced green tea and planned my DD's birthday over the phone....
Talk : : April 10, 2012
I need help I can't decide if I should go to pilates or soul cycle this morning. Bergdorf's just opened so I could shop now and exercise later. I want to be out of the house while my housekeeper cleans and cooks. Also my nanny will be picking up dc from preschool and I don't want to be there during his play date as I might have to interact with him. Any suggestions? I got my hair highlighted yesterday so that's done. I know - massage, facial and a pedicure. Hope the driver isn't stuck in that stupid 2nd Avenue subway traffic. He keeps making me late and I cannot walk in these heels. Thanks for listening life can be stressful sometimes.
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 07:13 AM Flag ]lol. just remember, christ died on the cross so you wouldn't have to suffer so.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:13 AM FlagI find 4 inch designer heels make everything more stressful.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:20 AM FlagYou're a piker. I have a full staff of beauty technicians ride around with me in my car as I get Botoxed, plumped, smoothed, highlighted, lifted, Brazilian'ed and straightened.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:13 AM FlagYou are absolutely as brilliant as your perfectly highlighted hair. Why didn't I ever think of this. Sitting in traffic is such a waste of time. I mean if I read newspapers maybe but who wants to get print on your hands or read about depressing stuff. I could be multi-tasking. Question: do you need to pullover or wait for red lights in order to do the botox? Want to get it right.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:21 AM Flag
It sounds like your place is really too small, if you can't avoid these people in your own place, then,you need to move.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:18 AM FlagWe are doing a full renovation. Purchased the apartment next to us so we now have the entire floor. I want a separate apartment for nanny and dc's. Why see them if I don't have to. I could turn it into my beauty/spa room. Is 10,000 sq. ft. enough for us? We are waiting for the people upstairs to die then we can have a duplex. Is that where the term 'to die for' comes from? Probably.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:24 AM FlagUghhh one of my eyelash extensions just fell out, I gained a lb. this morning, my juice delivery service messed up my order and my nanny just told me that she has to leave early because her mother is in the hospital. Why do all these horrible things happen to ME? Life is so unfair.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:12 AM Flag
[+] Please tell me what I should do. I have a wonderful dh who is also a great dad. He is... 7 replies
- Old enough to start having social obligations. "Can't visit this week, Marcy is going to her first birthday party!"...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Please tell me what I should do. I have a wonderful dh who is also a great dad. He is the sole breadwinner and provides us with a great life. My dh's job requires him to be away from us sometimes 2 weeks at a time and during that time I would visit my in laws. Recently, I haven't been getting along with them and although I want to keep spending time with them for my dh's sake, I really can't get myself to do so. Any ideas on how to be a bigger person for my dh?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 05:05 AM Flag ]How is this for your husband? If anything, it should be for your kids. It is one thing to put up with a bit of stress for your kids to have a relationship with their grandparents, but you can't jump through hoops or allow them to control you. Tell them you can drop them off or you'll see them next time. Being a bigger person is not necessary here.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:51 AM Flag
[+] Why girls nowadays are so obsessed with all princess things ? Recently a girl from my... 15 replies
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Why girls nowadays are so obsessed with all princess things ? Recently a girl from my DD's class had a princess birthday party for which parents spent $ 75 per child. I think that is insane. I never exposed my DD to any princess things myself. I thought I will do it if she asks. This is not reality. There are no princesses nor princes , no one lives happily ever after. Why expose them to things which are imaginary and give them feelings that the life is a easy walk like these princesses. Everyone thinks so much
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 06:20 PM Flag ]part of it is the merchandising. You go to buy anything these days and it's princesses or superheroes; whether it's bikes, toothbrushes, even chapstick. It's ridiculous. I went to Target looking for kites once and there were two choice: spiderman or princess.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:25 PM Flagbecause they can make twice as much if parents with a boy and a girl have to buy a sparkly pink version of every toy.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:28 PM FlagI think Princesses are ok in moderation. Some dress up clothes, a dvd of Tangled and I'm fine. It's the sense of entitlement and helplessness that it seems to foster in some girls that really gets me. "I can't do that b/c I'm a diva or a princess...blah, blah, blah" Sara Silverman has a good line about that, she says there are no divas, only c*nts.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:37 PM FlagI have a dd who was crazy (I mean nuts) for dinosaurs and cars. She avoided pink princess stuff like the plague. Now ever since she started school (she is in a class with 16 or 17 girls) she is princess and doll crazy. She also went from a cool little blue jean style to wanting to wear nothing but dresses. I grew up a Tom boy in a military family, was never really exposed to the doll thing past the age of 2 or 3 so this is all killing me. I try to dissuade her as much as I can but it isn't much help. I just hope she grows out of it...... At least her favorite princess is repunzel and not aurora or snow white. I'm looking forward to another strong (non helpless) princess in disneys BRAVE coming out this summer.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:10 AM Flagyou post seems to have two themes. 1) the overcommercialization of childhood; and 2) the denigration of imagination. I agree for the most part on point 1. The princess stuff is over the top. I don't agree at all on point 2. Imagination and imaginary play have an important role in childhood. Fairy tales and folk tales have an important role in the transmission of culture and an understanding of the world. FWIW, no princess tale is an easy walk. you need to find where your are comfortable. I wouldn't buy my child disney princess things (unless it was a book), but others did and that was fine. when she went through a cinderella phase -- I work in comparative literature -- balancing disney with fair, brown and trembling, mufaro's beautiful daughters, yeh-shen, the rough-face girl, Cindy Ellen.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:42 AM Flag
[+] what are some books that I can read aloud to my 3 and 5 yo dds together? Neither of t... 5 replies
- I find early readers not good read-aloud books (with the exception of anything by Arnold Lobel and possibly the Little Bear books). I would try some nursery rhymes with beautiful pictures (Lavender' s Blue is a lovely version of Mother Goose). You might also try somethings by Anita Lobel (A Birthday for the Princess). Arnold Lobel's Frog and Toad and Mouse Tales are worth trying also....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
what are some books that I can read aloud to my 3 and 5 yo dds together? Neither of them have great attention spans fwiw.
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 05:25 PM Flag ]Early reader. They have familiar characters and simple plot lines, but are shorter.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:28 PM FlagI find early readers not good read-aloud books (with the exception of anything by Arnold Lobel and possibly the Little Bear books). I would try some nursery rhymes with beautiful pictures (Lavender' s Blue is a lovely version of Mother Goose). You might also try somethings by Anita Lobel (A Birthday for the Princess). Arnold Lobel's Frog and Toad and Mouse Tales are worth trying also.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:37 PM Flag
[+] Any ideas for what DH and I could give our second DS for his sixth birthday? At a los... 8 replies
- If he's the boy who has everything, do something spiritual. Sponsor a child in a third world country. Sponsor the planting f a tree or flowers in Central Park, that he can go visit. Plant a garden with him. Make a pact to teach him something, like tennis, or skiing, or chess, and then spend time doing it. You can build future birthdays into it by getting him equipment as he improves....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Any ideas for what DH and I could give our second DS for his sixth birthday? At a loss...
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 04:53 PM Flag ]what does he like? Does he need new a scooter, skateboard, bike, etc?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:55 PM Flag-
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If he's the boy who has everything, do something spiritual. Sponsor a child in a third world country. Sponsor the planting f a tree or flowers in Central Park, that he can go visit. Plant a garden with him. Make a pact to teach him something, like tennis, or skiing, or chess, and then spend time doing it. You can build future birthdays into it by getting him equipment as he improves.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:18 AM Flag
[+] I love eggs, but I just thought about what they are and what I am eating. Help me no... 19 replies
- OK, dog police. All dogs aren't bred for the track. Mine eat birthday cake and are still here to tell the tale....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
I love eggs, but I just thought about what they are and what I am eating. Help me not be grossed out.
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 01:57 PM Flag ]-
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Did you get past the second grade?? Of course they're not unhatched chicks! The eggs we eat are UNFERTILIZED eggs. Blanks. The "chick" starts out as a single fertilized cell inside the egg (like a human would), and starts to grow. The egg "white" is a shock absorber to keep the developing chick safe inside the egg during gestation. The yolk provides it nourishment (since it's not connected to its mother like a human fetus is).
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:03 PM Flag-
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Ditto!! Was just thinking about it yesterday (probably because I blew so many eggs--using a baby aspirator--on the weekend.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:21 PM FlagEggs are a nearly perfect food ... good balance of protein/fat, amino acids ... take them hardboiled for a quick snack.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:24 PM Flag-
Yes, but dietary cholesterol (the cholesterol you EAT) has virtually no effect on the cholesterol level in your bloodstream, 99% of which is manufactured by your own body. I eat about a dozen eggs a week and have low cholesterol (and before you say it's "genetic", everyone in my family is battling high cholesterol -- I tell them it's because they're eating all the wrong food, but what do I know, right? I'm just the one who's apparently doing it right, without drugs).
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:31 PM Flag
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[+] Divorce agreement has an 80/20 split for education, Hebrew school, etc. Nothing speci... 25 replies
- Our split on most things is 75 25 (I am the 75) but we split our son's birthday party 50-50. I really didn't care about it, but I think his Dad felt like he wanted to be able to have his name on invitation, invite people, etc. (I would have been okay with his doing that anyway, but I think on...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Divorce agreement has an 80/20 split for education, Hebrew school, etc. Nothing specific about the bar mitzvah. Would it be reasonable to ask to split it 50/50? 80/20 or something like 60/40?
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 10:52 AM Flag ]-
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Yes. There are 4 year colleges that cater to slower kids. U. of Bridgeport, Hartford, Cincinatti has a program as well.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:02 AM FlagMaybe it's not that they're "slow", it's that they shouldn't be in an academic program in the first place. Maybe they should be learning a trade like pipefitting or bricklaying.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:05 AM FlagJewish parents don't generally encourage their dcs to go into fields like this. I could see a situation where they encourage dc to become an electrician or a gym teacher, however. But still would push for an associate's degree. That said, I do know Jewish boys with no college degree bc they dropped out of community college and have been basically unemployed ever since.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:09 AM Flag
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Ok, college or 4 years of other post-secondary job training, if the child wishes to go. Seriously? Isn't there a recognition that to get ahead or even stay level nowadays a kid needs to go to college? Why wouldn't you address it in the settlement? You want to leave it up to chance years from now?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:57 AM Flag
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I'm not Jewish, but if you think of a bar mitzvah like a wedding, then the religious ceremony is what is important and the party is optional. I think all bets are off here. I'd decide how much you are comfortable paying, and who feel must be on the guest list, then ask your ex for his number and his list.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:57 AM FlagOur split on most things is 75 25 (I am the 75) but we split our son's birthday party 50-50. I really didn't care about it, but I think his Dad felt like he wanted to be able to have his name on invitation, invite people, etc. (I would have been okay with his doing that anyway, but I think on something so public he likes being able to say we each pay half.)
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:28 AM Flag
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[+] What is up with the sudden glut of Suzie homemaker blogs? They're all vaguely Christi... 18 replies
- LOL. NP. I think these crafty mommy blogs have readership of all kinds who enjoy the inspiration even if the readers themselves aren't SAHMs or devoted to daily decoupage. Like I skimmed some of these blogs for birthday party decor ideas....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
What is up with the sudden glut of Suzie homemaker blogs? They're all vaguely Christian, pastel colors, usually feature a very young mom who writes about couponing and organizing and scrapbooking. Can anyone explain this to me? Did these people always exist in middle America, but I only know about them now because of the Internet?
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 10:07 AM Flag ]Yes. They always existed. Nothing interesting imo. I can't believe Pioneer Mom got so popular. What gets me is why are people interested?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:13 AM FlagI think they've always been around. But education is not high on their list of life's priorities so you've probably never met them.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:33 AM FlagRight. "Education" is what would make them somehow "better"; obsessing over eating a piece of avocado and four almonds, obsessing over their ultimately meaningless NYC "wife" jobs while they juggle work, kids, yoga/pilates, mani/pedis, and generally walk around with a stick permanently rammed up their ass.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:37 AM FlagWow, there are uneducated Suzie homemakers amongst the UB crowd. Who knew?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:01 AM FlagWhat's you're point here? That both are sad? Because I agree with that. Not sure how it defends the "I'm so blessed let's decoupage something!" blogs
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:08 AM Flag
[+] If you get invited to a wedding and you cannot attend, do you still plan on sending a... 24 replies
- Yes I always send a gift. I do the same if we can't attend a kids birthday party. I noticed it's not always reciprocated. Maybe this is a different rule? Anyone know?...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
If you get invited to a wedding and you cannot attend, do you still plan on sending a gift? I'm planning on giving a gift, just wondering what others do. What about bridal showers and baby showers that you can't attend, do you still send a gift?
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 09:20 AM Flag ]-
Gift if it's someone I know ... no gift if it was a "duty invitation"...same for showers.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:26 AM FlagHijack: So when you got married did you receive gifts from guests that did not attend? I did not and didn't think much of it until I started getting invites to weddings I could not attend.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:46 AM FlagTo a wedding, I always give a gift even if I am not attending. With a shower, I only give a gift if it is a close friend, and I would normally be going if not for another obligation. Occasionally, I get shower invites from people I'm really not close to and who I never thought would invite me to their shower, I do not send a gift in that case. In fact, I am often suspicious that those invites are just a gift grab.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:43 AM Flag
[+] I don't know what to do...divorced, 2 DC. Have been dating my BF seriously for 2.5 y... 77 replies
- ^^every once and awhile for dinner and he rarely gets me a present on my birthday or Xmas. I'm not a materialistic person and really don't 'need' anything g but it's always nice to give a little so...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
I don't know what to do...divorced, 2 DC. Have been dating my BF seriously for 2.5 yrs. I love him - he's a gentleman, sensitive, I know w/o a doubt he loves me and my DC. He's 50 - never been married but a number of long term relationships. His last GF was a disaster and really traumatized him so he didn't date for about 3 yrs before he met me. Anyway, our relationship has lacked all sexual intimacy for months and months. We kiss and hug and regularly tell each other we love each other frequently but overall I'd say we lack affection. I've brought this to his attention many times and I know it's hard for him to hear but he's cognizant of my feelings and the importance I place on intimacy. We live together (no flames, pls) and he literally does nothing around the house, doesn't take the dog out even occasionally w/o me asking, doesn't wake up on holidays to watch kids open presents or find their Easter baskets. He's having a lot of financial issues (we keep everything separate but split all bills and rent)
77 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 08:53 AM Flag ]^^every once and awhile for dinner and he rarely gets me a present on my birthday or Xmas. I'm not a materialistic person and really don't 'need' anything g but it's always nice to give a little so
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:54 AM Flag^^^sorry. Nice to give a little something. Finally, I have a good job but I still live paycheck to paycheck. My parents v. generously help - they pay the balance btwn what we can afford in rent and the actual rent total, they put down thousands as a security deposit for the rental, they pay a couple utility bills, etc. My BF doesn't like my parents - they weren't extraordinarily keen about me living with him, etc and they worry as he has a good job but isn't solvent due to various bad real estate investments. Plus my parents just have some weird thoughts/beliefs that he doesn't agree with. Im torn btwn love and reality. It sucks.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:00 AM Flag
Sounds about right. This is what I would expect from someone who is 50, has never been married and is dating someone who is divorced with 2 kids. What's your question? Will you find someone better? No. Maybe different but not better.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:58 AM FlagYou give way too much credit to his last girlfriend. He is selfish. Yes, I remember all of your other posts.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:02 AM FlagYou're better off with a female roommate. The sex, affection and physical aspect is the distinguising feature between a significant other and all other relationships. If you were both fine without it, fine. But since you're not, I'd consider other options. He'll probably still be around if you want to come back.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:04 AM FlagI don't need a roommate - just don't know what the smart thing to do is b/c I when I love I love. I'm 38 so it sounds like maybe everything besides the intimacy and financial stuff could be due to his age/marital status. The intimacy thing makes me crazy as ex withheld it from me (he was abusive - everything but physically abusive) and I crave the connection.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:08 AM FlagJust read the rest of your post about how he doesn't help with anything, has financial troubles, etc. This guy is better than the abusive ex but you really need to keep setting the bar higher. He sounds like an old dog laying around that needs to eat but doesn't contribute. Warm body.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:14 AM Flagwe all have different needs, and it is good that you know and acknowledge yours. reading your posts, I would so rather not be in a relationship than be in the one you are in. i'm divorced, but for the sake of my kid would not enter into a relationship that put me in a worse financial situation. and if you need intimacy and he isn't offering it, what exactly is appealing about this relationship?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:17 AM Flag
Your 50 year-old bf is allowing your parents to contribute to his bills? Do you have any self-respect? Is he committed to your children? His ex has nothing to do with how poorly he treats you, and you put up with this.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:05 AM FlagI have self respect. The bill thing is most certainly one of the reasons my parents don't like him. It bothers me, too. I don't know what to do.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:11 AM FlagGeez. Seriously? Stop taking money from your parents. I've been sending money TO my widowed mother since I was 35. People who take money from their parents after the age of 25 disgust me. You should be ashamed of yourself. Move into a cheaper place. Spend less money. Be responsible.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:15 AM Flag
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If this is enough for you, then fine, but the guy is either gay or has a mother issue
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:16 AM FlagHe was adopted - lived until an orphanage until one so Mother issue is realistic.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:22 AM Flag-
Do you really think he would still have issues that cause certain behaviors at age 50? Do you think the things I've outlined sound like he's treating me like a 'Mother''? Although come to think of it, when we did have sex, he always asked if I'd role play as Mommy.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:41 AM Flag
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My two cents, with your history of relationships, you really need intensive counseling so you can get on with your life. You are still young and I am sure could find someone better. I am a strong believer in a positive attitude to attract the right people, that and common sense.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:11 AM FlagI know. I was actually in intensive counseling for yrs....individual and marital including domestic violence counseling. I was a hot mess as I was going through divorce and after. Picked/attracted/dated a few v. wrong guys but things started to click for me as time progressed. My BF fell into my lap via a mutual friend. I've outlined a lot of negatives but I felt like I finally found someone good and kind. Like I said, I love him but (not to beat a dead horse) there are nagging reservations that are boiling over. Idiosynchrocies that only become apparent once you live with someone and experience life's obstacles. The only difference - we're not married.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:26 AM Flag
Gay Uncle here. Sorry, babe, but your BF is a Friend of Dorothy. Not that you couldn't be perfectly happy with a gay man as a life partner, but even Liza tried it and it didn't end well.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:34 AM FlagWhy do you say this? Just wondering b/c obviously I'm clueless.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:40 AM FlagGay Uncle here. MEN NEED SEX. Yes, even the ugly ones and the old ones. And when a man needs sex, he seeks it out. If he's not getting it from you, he's getting it elsewhere. And given that you're not married, if it was with another woman, he would have left you for that other woman a long time ago; men are very simple this way. He's obviously gay and still in the closet; the only sex he might be getting could very well just be with his right hand. But the fact of the matter is, a man who doesn't fuck his wife/girlfriend generally is a man who doesn't want sex with women, period.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:48 AM FlagHmmm. To be a devil's advocate, how to explain my ex who withheld sex from me during our marriage out of cruelty. I know he did not cheat. I guess he used his hand. Question though - if a man consistently prefers anal, is that a fetish or a sign of something else?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:56 AM FlagMay be he's asexual or takes meds that gives him low libido
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:10 AM Flag-
depressives have low sex drives and their are PLENTY of male depressives in NYC. combined with the fact that he seems to sleep a lot this could be it. i still think she should move on though. i am however intrigued about her parent's wierd beliefs.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:46 AM Flag
Just curious, did you have a really difficult childhood that you are having such relationship issues now?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:18 AM FlagInteresting question. I have v. few memories of my childhood esp my mother. My Dad finally told me about 3 yrs ago that she was bi-polar/manic and had electric shock therapy as last resort when I was young as she couldn't function. My Dad quit his job on Wall St and started his own firm out of the house so he could look after my Mom and us (I'm 1 of 3). We were wealthy so I didn't want for anything material. However I remember having severe separation anxiety when I was 4/5/6 yrs and I had zero self confidence. I finally blosso
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:22 PM Flag-
^^blossomed in college but I was attracted to men like my father - strong personalities who were in charge.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:24 PM Flagalso, my anxiety re-surfaced on 9/11. I was on the corner of church & liberty - couldn't get through to anyone. 2nd plane hit while I was there. I eventually had to quit my job b/c I couldn't stand being separated by now ex DH. Had DC about a year later and was a SAHM for 4 yrs. Marriage was abusive, etc, etc. Divorced in '09.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:29 PM Flag
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[+] Has anyone gotten divorced because they can no longer tolerate an unhealthy/toxic rel... 28 replies
- well, my in laws weren't the reason, but having to see them only 1x/year (DC's birthday) is a HUGE benefit and thrills me to no end. My inlaws are monsters- my MIL told me that exDH cheated on me because it was my fault as I had clutter in the house and didn't wear enough makeup. I thought inlaws would still be unavoidable...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Has anyone gotten divorced because they can no longer tolerate an unhealthy/toxic relationship with their In-laws? Has anyone figured out a better solution?
28 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 08:00 AM Flag ]they will still be in your life even if you are divorced. as long as there are children, you're stuck with them.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:02 AM Flag-
He does. They are unbearable anyway. They take up all of our time and dominate everything. There is constant drama. I can not have them rule my life for the next 30 years.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:08 AM FlagThen, barring other reasons, I would never divorce my DH b/c of his parents. They would be out of our lives permanently before he or I would let that happen. And I don't know anyone else who has done so.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:11 AM FlagWhere do your parents live? If you wouldn't also be moving away from your parents, why not move to another city? Not saying it would be easy but unless DH is actually the problem, you should do this before divorce.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:14 AM FlagYou and DH should be the unpenetrable team. You two together need to come up with ways to set clear boundaries. And hopefully, you can support him as it's likely very difficult for him to deal with as well. if he isn't bothered, then you have a problem. if he is bothered and is willing to work on setting boundaries and finding a workable solution, then you need to work as a team to do so.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:19 AM FlagHe is bothered and is very torn. He loves his parents and is an only child. This is very difficult for him and they have no pity on him. However I am at a point of my life when I can no longer allow them to be the center point of my life. I am done.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:09 AM FlagThis is great news! He holds ALL the cards. He could literally do anything he wants to them and they have no choice but to comply or have nothing. Of course, hopefully, that won't be necessary, but the point is, you and DH have ALL the power, so there is no reason for you to put up with anything, assuming you are correct in your characterization of them as toxic.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:05 AM FlagDH needs to decide, unfortunately, whether his priority is his family (ie, you and DC) or his parents. Sounds like the hard truth is that his parents aren't respecting him and that he's in a tough spot of having to choose. It's a tough one, and i'm so sorry you have to go through this. i feel your pain.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:12 AM FlagThank you! DH's parents love him and grand-kids but in an incredibly selfish way. They only see their side of things and they feel that we have to live our lives under their control and the way they feel is right. They do not speak to us like to adults, they do not feel that we deserve respect, and they do not understand that their behavior can result in very unfortunate circumstances for everyone.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:29 AM Flag
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well, my in laws weren't the reason, but having to see them only 1x/year (DC's birthday) is a HUGE benefit and thrills me to no end. My inlaws are monsters- my MIL told me that exDH cheated on me because it was my fault as I had clutter in the house and didn't wear enough makeup. I thought inlaws would still be unavoidable post-divorce, but they're basically out of my life and it's fantastic. whenever i get upset about my divorce (going on 2 years now), I just think about how i never have to deal with them and it really makes me so happy!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:08 AM FlagThanks. I wonder if it is worth it for me. All of our free time is dominated by them and their drama anyway.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:07 AM Flagyou need to make DH understand the strain this puts you under. Perhaps couples counseling? DH needs to decide whether he's a man or a boy.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:17 AM FlagDH understands how difficult this is for me but he can not cut them off. ILs can not control themselves so short of cutting them off this will continue forever.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:31 AM FlagYou and DH need to come up with clear boundaries that work for both of you. You will need to be a little forgiving, seeing as they are his parents, and he will need to have the courage and strength to put the boundaries in place. We limited ILs to visits every other week for a meal, plus holidays, etc. and if they wanted to take DCs out for a special event, then that was usually fine too. They did NOT have keys to our apt. I just threw out or gave away the food MIL made and brought over, since it was easier than fighting about it.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:08 PM Flag
no, but my ILS are the reason we live in CA instead of NY. works for us.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:16 AM Flag-
[+] Neighbor with really smart dc says that if her dc doesn't get into NEST or Anderson a... 86 replies
- We were, people told us not to bother and apply as ther are NO spots, I distinctly remember the Saturday of the Olsat - we had a classmates birthday party and I almost didn't go - hence the need to correct people. It is a lottery but as in most lotteries someone wins....
Talk : : April 08, 2012
Neighbor with really smart dc says that if her dc doesn't get into NEST or Anderson again (trying for 1st grade spot now), they are leaving the city for good. She says they're sick of paying the high taxes and not getting the educational opportunity her dc deserves. I have to agree with her... and my dc is at a district G&T. Her dc is super smart and they can't d private and was Wait-Listed at Hunter.
86 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.08.12, 11:50 AM Flag ]The sibling nonsense makes it really hard for others, esp 99's who get trumped
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 11:52 AM FlagNP: So siblings get in irrespective of their own test results?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 11:58 AM FlagNo. The sibs have to qualify (90 for district G&T or 97 for Citywide), but once they qualify, they go to the top of the list, ahead of non-sibs with higher scores.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:01 PM FlagHmm. I get the 'loyalty' thing at privates, but at schools buoyed by taxes this is grossly unfair and 'un-meritocratic'. This needs to be officially addressed.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:21 PM FlagThe official line is that they want to keep families together - families with multiple DCs in one school tend to be more involved in the school - when you have to get multiple DCs to multiple schools at the same time, you don't have the ability to get involved in either school. Sibling policies only apply to elementary schools, so there is also the ease of commute factor when dealing with young DCs. (BTW - I have an only DC, so I don't get the benefit of a sibling policy).
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:30 PM FlagI guess this is one of those 'Life is unfair' situations. It's great if you get in but is absolutely unfair if you're OP's neighbor.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:39 PM FlagThere are so many 99's who fail to get into Anderson or NEST - even if you got rid of the sibling policy, it would barely make a dent. And the OLSAT is not a finely grained testing instrument (the DOE doesn't have any finely grained anythings). So a 97 v 99 doesn't mean that much. On the old Stanford Binet, you actually could see the difference a point often made. I don't think anyone can say that the 99s seem smarter than the 97s. The real problem is 1. a stupid test; & 2. not enough gifted programs. Why don't they just make more gifted programs?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:28 PM Flag-
oops, meant the DOE can't just wave a wand and create more G&t programs, especially citywides. There is a lot of opposition to it, some people see it as draining scarce resources meant for less advantaged kids. Also, my SIL works for a test contractor who has been in negotiations with the city for years on this and she says they can indeed change the criteria to make the cut off 99.5 (they just increase the number of questions the kids have to get right), which would cut the number of kids who qualify down to about 400. And the parents advisory groups are always dead set against it. So where do you stand on that? Would you feel better if fewer kids -- maybe your own? -- got a qualifying score?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:22 PM Flag
I don't buy the keep families together thing for g&t. Most families will take a better placement for their 2nd dc if available over keeping the family together. If you want to keep family together go to gen Ed.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:58 PM Flagreally? we only have one dc so the sibling preference works to our disadvantage, but really? you want to make people get two small children to two different elementary schools at the same time?? in the end, i guess it is about the kind of world you want. I want a world where families are valued, even though the particular results in this instance do not work in my favor.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 04:33 PM FlagMany of us have dcs in different schools anyway--my dcs are spread out so they've been in different schools for 3 yrs (1 in preschool/daycare) the other in g&t. Who knows if #2 will qualify so there's a good chance they'll stay at diff schools. I
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:29 PM FlagWe made a choice to keep sibs together in a district g&t even though we had a chance to put younger sib at a citywide. Studies show that parent involvement at a school has a significant impact on the child's performance. We felt it was more important for the kids to have a shared experience and for my husband and I to have more time to spend at the school. It is a very personal decision but it can be very challenging for working parents to have kids at two different schools.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:52 AM Flag
If you want to take action petition the DOE to create more seats - it is obviously what parents want - the UWS which has a large number of 99 qualifiers just watched the city cram a Success Charter school into the area - the justification was the the city needs more good schools and there is a huge demand for UWS Success - I would suggest that there is a larger demand for new citywide seats. If the Teachers Union had a freaking clue they would get behind these wildly successful union run schools instead of lurking in the shadows.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:16 AM Flagx100 -- The greatest shame of the sibling policy is not that a tiny number of seats go to siblings who like their older brother/sister rocked a silly set of tests -- it is that so many parents focus on it as the problem, not the fact that the DOE is not creating more seats.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:08 AM FlagAnderson tried to add seats, and was able to add a few, until the local schools saw how well Anderson had moved into the space in the O'Shea bldg. That's when the land grab began. PS 452 was created to help with overflow from the neighboring schools, although 452 actually enrolls many students from outside its own zone. Anderson had to stop the expansion it had embarked on. If you want more citywide seats, let your CEC members know.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 02:45 AM FlagWhy shouldn't more people have 452 as a choice? Why is Anderson somehow more deserving. That building belonged to district 3 middle school space, no matter what anyone says. That said, neither school should have been out there, but don't say the superior g&t is somehow more deserving.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:20 AM Flag
look 15-@0% of the seats go to siblings- you know how you can address the seats issue? create more seats - BSI took only 99s after 1 year - from nothing 2nd most sought after school in the city - again from nothing with no additional cost other than the $500K startup they give any new school including charters - the official line is ther is no room - really? It seems to me the city finds room for any charter they want - and why - because they claim they must meet parental choice demands.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:51 PM Flag
the sib policy makes no sense for citywides--if you choose a citywide, you shouldn't expect sib preference too. It's not fair for 1 family to get lucky once and then get lucky again. Share the chances people! (signed mom of dc who got 99 for k entry and for 1st grade entry but no decent g&t option). I have 2 dcs and will try again with #2 since #1 has no shot after 1st grade with 99s.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 11:58 AM FlagI should not have to jackass two kids to two different schools - make more seats - there is nothing magical about citywides - they can be put anywhere.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:54 PM FlagI have to trek my non-citywide g&t kids to two different district g&ts because older one's is no longer accepting classes. Before that, I spent 3 years taking them to two diff schools. Why should you get off easy just because you got lucky the first time?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:47 PM Flag^^Sorry--I just realized that you weren't arguing with me! I agree that they should make more seats! Whatever happened to the Downtown Brooklyn g&t plan? I heard that the principal had issues but why didn't they just pick a different principal?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:15 PM FlagIt was more than one thing - there was the Principal (who incidently a year later was exonerated), there was lackluster demand from the parents (i.e. people did not list it like they listed BSI /STEM, there was local opposition from community groups who wanted a charter (which they got the following year) and saw the citywide thing as a service to people not from the neighborhood. Incidently, not widely known BSI itself was nearly cancelled after the founding Principal stepped down - if the new Principal had not stepped up it might not have happened.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:41 PM FlagI hadn't heard that about BSI--the principal seemed great on the tour last year!
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 08:07 PM FlagShe apparently is perfect for that school, she was a corporate person, who became a teacher and went to the leadership academy, she apparently had submitted an idea for a new school and was picked for this one instead when the original Principal bowed out late in the process.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:08 AM Flag^it was in fact one of the reasons we did not select BSI - we recognized that the Principal would be a large factor in the success of the school and we did not want to take a chance that the Principal would quickly leave. It turns out she stayed and everything seemed to work out for BSI.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:22 AM Flag
Better yet Anderson had 3 classes which was reduced down to 2 - so 25 spots gone with the flick of the wrist, that is more than all the sibs that enter Anderson in any year.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:49 PM Flag
It makes sense when you are administering a school system with more than a million students. At the elementary school level, siblings get admissions preference. One policy for all elementary schools, period. Trying to apply two or three different systems (Citywide, District G&T, GenEd), sometimes within the same building gets to be too cumbersome. DOE has a hard enough time keeping the single preference system straight. Why make it more complicated?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:35 AM Flag
I think that people who are not open minded to see all the great things that can be learned in Gen Ed in addition to the academics SHOULD leave the city. Good Riddance and Good bye.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 01:24 PM FlagI can't speak for her district G&T but the work they are doing at my DC's school is more advanced than her friends at Anderson. So much of that has to do with the teacher and the peers. Has she toured both those schools? Has she toured the other options she might have in the city after test results? Saying that without even seeing what other kids are doing is crazy.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:06 PM FlagUnless you have a dc at Anderson, how could you possibly reach this conclusion with any degree of certainty?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:17 AM FlagNP- But my son who is at a great gen ed has a close friend in the building at Hunter and a close friend at Anderson. All of the moms in the building talk about school, teachers, homework, etc. I could tell you exactly what kids in 1st grade are doing at both Hunter and Anderson and my son doesn't go to either.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:30 PM FlagIn the grand scheme of a K-8 education what goes on between K-2 is not relevant. There is a larger range of abilities and it evens out by 3rd. Any acceleration at younger grades does not make for better grades later...it only stresses out the dc. The best privates in the city know this and live by this rule.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:30 PM Flag
While I do feel for them, hinging your decision whether to stay or leave the city on getting into Anderson or NEST is no different from saying that you would leave the city if you don't win the lottery. Many suburban schools don't have ANY G&T to speak of, even best districts in Westchester have an ad-hoc pull-out programs if any. So what are you gaining other than really high property taxes and smaller class size? Skipping middle/high schools admissions derby is certainly worth a lot, but it applies to all the kids in NYC, not just the smart ones.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:05 PM FlagThat is her choice. Personally I don't understand why she feels her DC "deserves" these opportunities. There are plenty of really smart kids in gen. ed. and most suburban school districts do not even have g&t programs. If she thinks it is better in the burbs then she should go. but her entitled attitude will not help her there either.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:26 PM FlagIf her kid is on the hunter wait list, I'd stick it out for a couple of years just for that. The wait list is small and often moves in the first few years. There is baasically no chance at NEST or Anderson. Also make sure she chooses the burb wisely. We moved to a burb with a highly rated school system and it was nothing compared to the NYC G&T I pulled my kids out of.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:03 PM Flag-
No chance for first grade at NEST or Anderson after K. Almost every spot that opens gets taken by a sibling.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:22 PM FlagSo last year there were 12 spots at NEST 5 were taken by sibs, my child got a 1st grade spot at NEST last year. Odds are slim but I would not say no chance. K class has 25 children if DOE expands them again to 28 (4 classes that is 12 spots plus attrition maybe a seat - minus sibs ~6 and you'll have 6 or 7 spots for 1st at NEST.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:34 PM FlagYou were lucky! My dd and at least 5 others from her district g&t all got 99s last year and all applied for NEST for first grade entry (all also got 99s for k entry the year before)--everyone's still at district.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 08:05 PM FlagWe were, people told us not to bother and apply as ther are NO spots, I distinctly remember the Saturday of the Olsat - we had a classmates birthday party and I almost didn't go - hence the need to correct people. It is a lottery but as in most lotteries someone wins.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:10 AM Flag
Was it an easy adjustment for your child to start at NEST in 1st grade?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:23 AM Flagnot at all socially, academically, it took a little while to catch up, maybe over a course of two three months, the school had a weekly lunch with the guidance counselor for all new kids by grade to make sure the kids were adjusting well. Now 6 months later you couldn't tell the difference between who started in K and who came in 1st.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:05 PM Flag
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Why do they think a suburban public school is going to do special things for their kid and cater to their needs? I don't get it. I think G&T and private is over-rated, but I do see why people think they are different than a public gen ed. What I don't understand is why people think that public schools in Scarsdale are going to be just like a private school.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 09:44 PM FlagThe OP did not equate public suburban schools with private schools.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:19 AM Flagnp: but she equated suburban school with Hunter. That is even more ridiculous.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:17 AM FlagExactly, I didn't phrase it well above but what I mean is, I really don't understand why people think a suburban public school is a perfect fit for a gifted dc while a public gen ed in the city isn't appropriate for them. Other than the fact that the kids are richer and whiter, what exactly is the difference?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:11 AM Flagactually, i think nyc public school teachers can be a lot more creative, smart and interesting than burb counterparts. they are far more likely to have MA from bank st or teachers college whereas LI teachers have MA from post or adelphi. have a ton of teacher friends and family in both places, FWIW. plus my kid is in gen ed, learning so much more than i did at the same age. she is reading children's classic books in school and studying artists and architecture, none of which i did in burb public.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:23 AM Flag
It is. Suburban schools in Westchester pay over 2x what Hunter pays its teachers. They invest in curriculum and professional development of their staff. They have gym more frequently. They expose children to all sorts of kids.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:05 AM Flagdo you know any of these burb teachers? I don't in Westchester and I do in LI. You would be horrified. Trust me. And all kinds of kids -- what?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:08 AM FlagTop westchester teachers make 6 figures. I think that kind of says everything doesn't it? Ask any top NYC principal where she loses her amazing teachers....
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:09 AM FlagIf they are over 50 y.o. The younger generations mostly want to live/work in the city. Just like UBers, they want to live and work here too, even if it means slightly lower salary. Not all, of course, but there is a similar divide in terms of the types of people who see themselves as urban vs. suburban.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:12 AM Flag
She sounds like a smart, rational person. My dc is at one of the schools OP would like and I feel like moving to the suburbs! There's no questions if you are upper middle class NYer who pay taxes like there's no tomorrow and you get zero value. Lots of folks try to pretend it's otherwise and I admire them--wish I could fool myself like that. Makes for happier times!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:38 AM Flagso tell us the great burb where you will not pay huge taxes.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:44 AM Flag-
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^^^we have friends in westchester and bergen cty who think their public schools are sub-par and send to HM, ECFS. Are they getting something more for their taxes? $72k, no less.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:06 AM FlagWell I understand you are impacted by your friends' experiences, it's only human. But statistically speaking there will always be the rich family who wants to spring for a hill school. But that in no way proves that Scarsdale and Bronxville public schools are superior to 99% of NYC public schools.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:10 AM FlagI guess when you say "superior," I am not sure what that means. Comparing Heathcote Elem. vs. ps 6, for example. I am not that familiar with Westchester schools like I am with LI schools. For those I am pretty confident saying the overall experience (academic and social) is better at a school like ps234.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:16 AM Flag
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This entire discussion is absurd. Anyone who truly believes that because their four year child was able to provide the textbook response to a set of given prompts on a particular day is an idiot and should have their children taken away from them to prevent further abuse.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:34 AM Flag
[+] Do you do anything to celebrate/remember the birthday/death date of a loved one who h... 7 replies
- yes, if i'm in town on my grandma's birthday we all go to her favorite restaurant for lunch, go for a walk in the botanical gardens and see her remembrance plaque there, and then go put flowers on her grave. i think even years later we are still broken-hearted over her passing, especially my mom and aunts, so it's nice to remember some of the things she loved....
Talk : : April 08, 2012
Do you do anything to celebrate/remember the birthday/death date of a loved one who has passed away?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.08.12, 10:20 AM Flag ]yes, if i'm in town on my grandma's birthday we all go to her favorite restaurant for lunch, go for a walk in the botanical gardens and see her remembrance plaque there, and then go put flowers on her grave. i think even years later we are still broken-hearted over her passing, especially my mom and aunts, so it's nice to remember some of the things she loved.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 10:22 AM FlagNo, but I always think that I should...before and after the date.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 10:23 AM Flaglife goes on. we focus on the living that's just how it is. plenty of streets, parks, libraries named in honor of the dead, but most have no collective interest in the dead, besides the ususals historical figures george washington, abe lincoln, MLK...
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 10:38 AM Flag
[+] I am from Europe and there we have bells for Easter and eggs in the garden. I am not... 9 replies
- OP: Is there jewellry part of Easter too? Diamonds sound like much. Maybe barette I have saved for birthdays?...
Talk : : April 07, 2012
I am from Europe and there we have bells for Easter and eggs in the garden. I am not sure about baskets. I do not want my children to feel upset in school. For each I obtained a picnic basket. I fill with Maison du Chocolat, a Steiff rabbit from FAO Schwartz, an iPod Touch, a new clothes from Bonpoint, and other little games like DS. Is this enough? My children will be OK in school to talk about Easter?
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.07.12, 07:11 PM Flag ]
[+] Best UB post ever is too broad. Let's categorize them. Name the category, or name t... 127 replies
- OK, I actually feel somewhat bad for these people, but the "I'm going to redshirt my spring birthday dc in hopes of getting into our first-choice tt next year because we got feedback that he/she seemed 'young' so I still have hope" posts....
Talk : : April 07, 2012
Best UB post ever is too broad. Let's categorize them. Name the category, or name the winners.
127 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.07.12, 01:34 PM Flag ]-
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The DMV shart that rolled on the floor because she had just gotten a wax and didn't have her "usual hair barrier"
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:07 PM Flag-
DMV Shart got deleted but here are some recaps: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/29641052, http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/11678996, http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/12295922
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:11 PM Flag
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Scroll down to tampon wax: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/10011054
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:28 PM Flag
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Category: Disgusting things I read (and laughed at) on UB that eventually happened to me. There was a post about a constipated woman whose poop didn't always come out so she felt she was walking around with poop stuck in her anus. I laughed at her until a few months later when it happened to me. I went back to that post to find the solutions and I got the help I needed. I don't laugh at people anymore.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 01:38 PM FlagBest private school admissions neurotic perseveration post.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 02:22 PM Flag-
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Are you kidding? The Kiwi person, followed by people who think she's "clever."
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 07:17 PM FlagDitto on KIWI.And I've been wondering if she's the one posting all of the tedious Fox News posts
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 08:41 PM Flag-
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Kiwi was originally called CRK (this was given to her, she didn't choose it). Then whenever someone would call her Kiwi she would say no i'm CRK, but she lost the battle and kiwi took over. You (i'm assuming you are the person who wrote Ditto on KIWI) are so annoying because you constantly accuse people of being kiwi, and try to blame kiwi on things and try to keep her spirit alive on this board or something. I can tell it's you because you always write KIWI in capital letters and no one else ever did that.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:28 PM Flag
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There was an annoying chick who always signed her name with a winky/smiley face... Jenni? ;-)
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:15 PM Flag
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****((((Out of 10 answers given, 4 of them were mine. These posts only work if you guys answer, not just add categories!))))**** (not OP, btw)
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:00 PM Flag-
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http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/52235306
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:35 AM Flag
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That's a close one between Gloves, Cat Eraser, Gate Mom, Ming Vase, and Pirates. Yes, I've been around forever and the board used to be a lot more entertaining.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:19 PM FlagOk, will you pretty please link to some? Only been on a year or two and don't think I know any of these!
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:21 PM FlagOnil: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/24769568
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:23 PM FlagStan's Helpers: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/1680191
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:24 PM FlagDMV Shart: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/11678996
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:24 PM FlagGate Mom: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/15262318
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:25 PM FlagDingleberry is too old and gone for good, but it's mentioned here: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/34902321
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:25 PM Flag-
I haven't been able to find Gloves, original Pirates, or Period Mom
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:27 PM Flag-
The Chone name poll that was a running joke for a long time: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/9119582
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:29 PM Flag
Cheeseburger on a Plane Mom. Too funny because it was in real-time :)
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:23 PM Flagepic! this one i fondly recall from just a few months ago: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/53402410
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:06 AM Flag
These are ybm, but they are old and more like classic UB: http://www.youbemom.com/forum/permalink/1361032 (nanny tlak happy) and http://www.youbemom.com/forum/permalink/1585568 (neighbor with red-haired kids and trees on property line).
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 09:29 PM FlagShaved Balls Dad was funny: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/52407915
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:29 AM Flag
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Out & out craziest? My vote goest to Joie de WIC from way back. Seems like her blog's been taken down. Guess she couldn't get gov't assistance to help fund her domain costs: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/51601932
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:16 AM Flag-
DH chained the fridge shut: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/51010757
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:18 AM Flag
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stripper au pair: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/54126354
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:40 AM Flag
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[+] Need help my sister wants to get a cool NY gift for an 8 year girl birthda party. I h... 4 replies
- Is there a really 'in' gift in the birthday party circuit right now?...
Talk : : April 06, 2012
[+] 4 years of marriage and both of us almost forgot our anniversary. I was reminded bc I... 4 replies
- We never celebrate our anniversary. It's enough to remember birthdays...
Talk : : April 05, 2012
4 years of marriage and both of us almost forgot our anniversary. I was reminded bc I received. Marketing spam email. Husband was on biz trip and came home but didnt bring me gift. We have 1 dc -- 2 yrs. I know life has gotten busier but is this a marriage headed into the wrong direction? (I got him a gift bit haven't given it to him yet bc he fell asleep)
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 09:23 PM Flag ]
[+] omg. mil sent some music cd's for my 4yo daughter's birthday. she is so sure she ne... 39 replies
- sends a fucking cd for a little girl's birthday! and my 7 yo son got a goddamn baloon...has millions. Guess what my kids get for their birthdays? Nothing....
- hadn't sent the kids shit for x-mas or birthdays for over a year. so she says she'll...$150 worth of outdoor sporting gear for her birthday? she sends me and hubby shit for our...the kids in his class all have money from birthdays which they brag about. we gave him a...
Talk : : April 05, 2012
omg. mil sent some music cd's for my 4yo daughter's birthday. she is so sure she needs more music in her life! i told her legos would probably be a better choice. it's going straight back to goddamn amazon.
39 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 07:27 PM Flag ]I'm missing something, what's wrong with CDs? Do you ever truly have "enough" music? (I would say there's no such thing as enough Legos, either, but if MIL prefers music to Legos, oh well--buy the Legos yourself. We have about 20 pounds of Legos bought by my DH at yard sales.)
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:29 PM Flagand she is so goddamn cheap! she has millions and she sends a fucking cd for a little girl's birthday! and my 7 yo son got a goddamn baloon pump and some noisy baloons for his birthday. wtf. she's just going to leave it to the goddamn church.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:29 PM Flagnp My mother has millions. Guess what my kids get for their birthdays? Nothing.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:31 PM Flag-
we don't need it. we have even more than she does. but what is wrong with sending something around $30 for her grandchildren? would it kill her to just buy some fucking legos or a doll house or something? we were on a year long trip. she hadn't sent the kids shit for x-mas or birthdays for over a year. so she says she'll take them to the toy store on her next visit out to us. we get to the store. first thing she says to the kids "you only get one!" wtf? she cant' spare $100 for 2 kids after a year of nothing. gets on my damn nerves.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:35 PM Flag
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+1 She sounds so mean/bitter that I almost think this is fake. But not quite!
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:33 PM Flagpp: I hope someone clues your husband in on your vile attitude. And just curious, what was the last nice, decent, pleasant thing you did for your MIL?
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:36 PM Flaguh, i sent her a $250 camera for christmas? i sent her about $150 worth of outdoor sporting gear for her birthday? she sends me and hubby shit for our birthdays. and practically nothing for x-mas (ice clogs to walk down the driveway one year). and that is fine for us. we are adults. but why can't she be just a tiny weeny bitsy more generous to her grandkids. she sent a goddamn $1 toy from target for ds's 3rd birthday. she is out of it.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:38 PM Flag
ok. you chumps with mils who are not millionaires who get $100 gifts for dc's christmas, suck it. we have money. we spend it on kids. if you have millions and you can't part with $100 a year for the grandkids, don't feel bad if they don't feel entirely close to you after the other set of grandparents who don't have millions constantly shower them with thoughtful things just because they saw it at the store and thought some little boy or girl would really enjoy having it. screw youuuuuuu -- gotta go. must email amazon to cancel that retarded cd which we won't be needing.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:44 PM FlagI'd write you and your children right out of my will if you were my child or DIL. But I won't have to face this situation because my boys won't marry shallow, vile, materialistic shewolves.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 08:56 PM Flagi'd shed a tear to make you feel better but unfortunately, i already made a chunk working in finance. i don't need her money (which won't be coming cuz she's a religious freak) or your money, not that you have any. but i will be laughing when your boys will inevitably marry some woman with a hot bod despite your disapproval. i hope she'll always be gone to europe with the children in the summer to escape the heat so they unfortunately will be unable to visit. suck on it :p
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:10 PM Flagnp. Perhaps --just perhaps-- your MIL finds you to be a bit materialistic, and is hoping to teach her grandchildren that gifts=/=love, and that people are more important than things.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:43 PM Flaggtfo. i really can't believe you people are ok with a woman nearly in her 80's with a few million to her name who can't spare even $25 for a grandchild's birthday. she is nuts about this shit. she gets pissed if we try to pay for my BIL (her son) when we go out to dinner because everyone has to pay his way. and because of this dh used to let her pay for her own meals which i found so embarrassing and now he picks up her tab. and she's ok WITH THAT. then we go to visit her and we pick up some stuff at the grocery store for our stay and she actually sorts out *her* stuff and *our* stuff and says "you can pay for that." then, of course, it's embarrassing so i say, "no, you're opening up your home to us. we'll pay for all of it." and please, my children have no idea how much money any one of us has. my son constantly nags us to give him some cash because the kids in his class all have money from birthdays which they brag about. we gave him a quarter when he lost his tooth because money and children seem so crass. but they are children. and i do want them to have real toys and real gifts two times a year from grandparents who can afford it. they don't have to have a silver spoon out of every orifice but grandparents who think of them and give "generously" twice a year is more than within the realm of human expectations. and i'll bet $10 that you drive a fancier car and carry a fancier bag than i do even though we have over 50x the money my MIL does. there's nothing materialistic going on in this house. just a crazy MIL who's too damn cheap to make kids smile on birthdays.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 10:18 PM Flag-
^^And I think everyone is piling on because you sound really unhinged. I mean seriously, read your posts and pretend to be just a nameless stranger on UB and see how you sound. Now maybe you're not, but it's hard to believe after reading all of your rantings. Anyway, you can't change her, so just stop trying or you will drive yourself crazy even if you're not there already.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 11:40 PM Flag
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[+] spring clothing is all cropped shirts, sheer/chiffon or flowy in an unflattering way.... 2 replies
- I just was given a few items from Modcloth for my birthday (yes really, the FB spammers) and I am delighted, for what it's worth, as I have the same complaint....
Talk : : April 05, 2012
[+] Just brought DD to the children's museum of Manhattan for the first time. That place... 28 replies
- My God, is that place still there? I still have nightmares when I remember the birthday parties there, LOL!...
Talk : : April 05, 2012
Just brought DD to the children's museum of Manhattan for the first time. That place is gross. The person selling us tickets didn't even take a beat from her personal phone conversation (she was ordering herself a bed, I gathered). So many flashing lights I felt like I was going to have a seizure, and weird odors abound. I won't be going back until DD is old enough to ask.
28 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 02:10 PM Flag ]I hate it there too, but I live two blocks away and sometimes it's just easy. My kids get sick every single time we go though, it's really a gymnasium of filth.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 02:16 PM Flag-
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The Brooklyn one is great -- much better than the Manhattan one.
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Surprised to hear that. The Children's Museum of Houston is incredible. It goes on and on. You really need two days to see it all. The cafe could use a little help, but otherwise it's v. nice, educational, modern, and fun.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 03:32 PM FlagThis is BS. We are members and have been going to CMOM at least once a week for the past four years (I have three dcs). I have NEVER seen any of the ticket people, stroller checkers or security people on the phone having personal conversations. It's a great, cheap place to play for a couple hours and that's it - what are you expecting, the Met?
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:29 PM Flag
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