Arjen Robben injures himself while laughing. (Getty)

Champions League final hosts Bayern Munich are favorites to beat Chelsea at their home ground, but if they do win, their prize money will be going into the pockets of Bundesliga rivals Schalke and Hoffenheim.

UEFA will pay Bayern a €9 million prize if they beat Chelsea, which also happens to be the combined total due in "success" clauses written into last summer's deal to bring goalkeeper Manuel Neuer from Schalke and the previous January's acquisition of Luiz Gustavo from Hoffenheim.

From Eurosport:

Schalke are already due €2 million for Bayern having reached the semi-finals, but they will be due a further €4 million from the Bavarian giants if they lift the trophy in two weeks' time.

And it doesn't stop there. Hoffenheim struck a smaller but otherwise almost identical deal with Bayern after they sold Luiz Gustavo for €17 million euros in January 2011.

Hoffenheim have already picked up a 1 million euro bonus for the Munich side making the semi-finals, and they'll be due another €2

Second-to-last-place Lausanne beat dead-last-place Sion 1-0 on Tuesday night and after the match, Sion's Serey Die gave a Lausanne ball boy his performance review in the form of a slap across the face.

Die apparently felt that the ball boy was too slow in his supply duties, so he scolded him and then hit him. The Swiss football association is now reviewing the matter and preparing to give Die a stiff punishment.

This is the exact opposite problem Vasco da Gama had with Botafogo ball girl Fernanda Maia a few days ago, when her quick throw led to an opportunistic goal. Here's the video...

Carolyn Still fought the law and the law won (PA)

Last September, 29-year-old Carolyn Still became the youngest CEO in English football when she took the helm at Conference side Mansfield Town. Two weeks after her appointment, she was engaged to club chairman John Radford (this handsome devil), and it has emerged that she used to work as an escort under the name "Luella."

Still now finds herself in trouble with the authorities after being arrested during Mansfield Town's crucial Conference semifinal first leg at York city  Wednesday night. Says a statement from North Yorkshire Police (via The Sun):

"A 29-year-old woman from Retford was arrested at 9pm on Wednesday 2 May 2012, on Grosvenor Terrace, York, for using threatening words and behaviour.

"She was given an adult caution before being released."

It's not entirely clear what an "adult" caution may entail in the context of a former escort, and one may wonder why Still was arrested on a neighboring street to York's Bootham Crescent Stadium at 9 p.m., precisely the kind of time she

Seattle's Fredy Montero scored his first goal of the season in stunning fashion during his side's 2-0 win over the LA Galaxy. With Seattle already up 1-0 in the 48th minute, Montero was given too much space in the middle of the pitch and he punished the Beckhamless Galaxy by launching a beauty into the top corner from 35 yards out.

The older woman they cut to immediately after he scored was clearly impressed, as were the 39,000 other people in attendance. Though it will probably be overshadowed by Papiss Cisse's absolutely mind-boggling goal for Newcastle a few hours earlier, this, my friends, is a bit of goal-scoring perfection.

Kaka laughs. (Getty)

Pepington. Hello.

First, I would like to congratulate you on beating Malaga. That must have been an enjoyable experience. Until I stepped on your happiness and did Macarena on it by winning La Liga right afterwards. Now my players -- the best players -- toss me towards the heavens while I shout for joy like this: "Ahhhhhh Peppleberries."

Note how Ramos does not drop me. This is because I am more special than Copa del Rey trophy. Which you can have because I do not need it anymore. It is beneath me now. Which is why it is perfect for you. I laugh now.

ESPN breaks some transfer news. (screengrab via Ahmad T.)

During the first half of Barcelona's 4-1 win over Malaga (in which Lionel Messi had a hat trick to break Gerd Muller's record of 67 goals in season), ESPN shared their handy graphic to show the top scorers in La Liga. Beneath the astonishing goal tallies for Messi and Ronaldo was the surprising information that Real Madrid's Gonzalo Higuain and Karim Benzema had scored a total of 41 goals for Barcelona this season.

It was obviously a mistake, but to make the error with both players is a bit curious. Sergio Ramos must somehow be at fault for this.

Anyway, here's Messi's record-setting 68th goal of the season across all competitions...

Real Madrid sealed their 32nd league title with a 3-0 win over Athletic in their third to last match of the season. Athletic's Javi Martinez was sent off in the 72nd minute for his second handball and after the final whistle blew and Madrid began their celebration at the San Mames, Martinez re-emerged to have a chat with Cristiano Ronaldo.

Feeling the furious joy of winning his first title in Spain (and fourth of his career), Ronaldo shouted at Martinez and gave him a "shove it" gesture before going on to celebrate with his teammates. Though Martinez was the target of this gesture, it was probably intended for many, many more people.

UPDATE: Martinez reportedly told Ronaldo, "Don't celebrate too much, I'm a World Cup champions and you're not, clown."

It's been a tremendously disappointing season for Fiorentina as they languish near the bottom of the table and during a match between relegation certainty Novara, it got much, much worse. Adem Ljajic was prematurely subbed out of the match two minutes after Novara went up 2-0 at the half-hour mark and as he made his way to the bench, he sarcastically applauded and gave a thumbs up to manager Delio Rossi.

Well, Rossi snapped and lunged at Ljajic, grabbing him by the neck and hitting him while other members of the staff tried to intervene. Here's another view of it...