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[-]I suffer from low level anxiety and depression some of it is situational some just the way I'm wired - I tried lexapro 10 mg and within 18 hours had a full fledged anxiety attack - never had one prior - dr is hesitant to prescribe anything - I really want to feel good - any suggestions? Thx
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreStay far away from drugs and psychobabble like "low-level anxiety" Eat right, exercise, help others, nurture yourself and just be happy.
[ Reply | More ]This. I have anxiety. I choose to not take anything for it. 1. I keep physically healthy. 2. I'm actively introspective, and I aim to eliminate dwelling, self-deprecation, irrational thinking and I question all negative thoughts I do have). 3. I try to be mindful of myself, my surroundings and others. 4. I keep things straightforward. It's a slow process to train my anxiety to not take over my life but I'm happy I'm actively helping myself.
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OR: I decided I wanted to be happy. I acknowledged that the way I was accustomed to thinking wasn't helping me be happy. I identified what I was doing/thinking that was unhealthy and I reversed them (eg. I stopped thinking the worst of people and started giving them the benefit of the doubt. I introduced a 'cost of doing business' principle to most things and people - so when disappoints or annoying things come up I don't lose it because I've made allowances that it would occur). I gave more thought to why things affected me the way they did and when I knew the reasons they stopped having such a hold on me. I became kinder and easier on myself - the person you should be most understanding and forgiving of is yourself because you know exactl...
[ Reply | More ]exactly how it feels to be in your situation. I eliminated stressors from my life, people and things, and adopted a simple approach to being. Basically I shifted my focus from bits of everything to a lot on me. It isn't as selfish as it sounds, once I looked after myself I was able to notice the positives in everything around me.
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[-]I don't understand how people spend $10 or fewer on groceries per day - basing off of those who suggested I can feed a family of four on $100 a week. I went to the store this morning and bought a 1lb container of mixed fruit $4, english muffins $4, eggs $4, tomato sauce $2, mozzarella cheese $2.50 and string cheese $2.50 = ~$19. I didn't even buy anything for dinner. That's just breakfast and lunch for two toddlers and me!
125 replies [ Reply | Watch | Morewhy are you buying mixed fruit? make your own. cheaper. you don't need both types of cheese.
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And toddlers usually eat only one egg apiece, and an adult maybe two. So how is a package of eggs just food for one day for OP and two toddlers? That's at least three breakfasts. If you really must have English muffins rather than less expensive toast, get store brand or BJ's bulk pack, you can get about two dozen of them for $4, so again, that is enough for multiple days for the whole family. BJ's/Costco packs of oatmeal or Cheerios are pennies per serving, too.
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The container of mixed fruit is prob more expensive than just buying fruit and cutting it yourself.
[ Reply | More ]OP: Not at all. A canteloupe is $2. 1 apple runs about $1 each, strawberries are still $4/pint, grapes are $2.79/lb...I find that buying the container of precut fruit is at least the same price as buying the fruit, if not cheaper. Strange but true.
[ Reply | More ]An average apple weighs about 1/2 pound. A pint of strawberries weighs a pound. Obviously a pound of grapes weighs a pound. A pound of these mixed will be less than $4 if you cut them up yourself.
[ Reply | More ]Apples = $1.99/lb (those on sale) divided by 4 = 50 cents + grapes $2.79/lb divided by 4 = 70 cents + canteloupe $2/lb divided by 4 = 50 cents + strawberries $4/2 = $2 = $3.70 at best. Buying the precut fruit is not ruining OP's budget.
[ Reply | More ]Sorry, that's for only 1lb. Now I see that OP is getting two pounds out of this, so she's definitely saving money by buying the precut fruit.
[ Reply | More ]you guys are idiots. i'm a millionaire but i rarely buy strawberries for $4/pint. i get it $2 at walmart. apples $1.50 or less, preferably 99cents. grapes $1.50 or less. i started doing this when i first got to the city after college and never stopped. you want to save money, you will find a way.
[ Reply | More ]ITA. I never take cabs (even with my 2 dcs) or buy daily $4coffee from starbucks, always buy everything on sale from the grocery stores, and cook most of the time during the week.
[ Reply | More ]Strawberries are $4/pint because they are not in season yet. When they are in season, they'll be $1.50/pint. duh.
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I agree. I have posted this before. It costs me a minimum of 150/week for a family of three. I buy string cheese at food emporium and it is almost $6.
[ Reply | More ]ditto on mixed fruit. where are you shopping that you pay $4 for eggs? you certainly don't have to if you look around.
[ Reply | More ]you need to know how and where to buy. When you're on a budget you find ways to buy more for less. Fruit I get at the local stand where it's more than 50% wholefoods, etc. I don't buy organic because I can't afford it
[ Reply | More ]Those are expensive eggs. Buy different fruit. Apples are a lot less than $4 a pound. Will you consume all this food for breakfast and lunch today or will there be leftovers?
[ Reply | More ]OP: Non-organic apples are about $1.99-$2.69/lb. One medium sized about is close to one pound. If I buy three of them for breakfast, that's already $3 and no one feels satisfied after eating one apple. That's why I spend $4 on the pre-cut mixed fruit containers. They weigh the fruit after it's been cut and it's only $1.99/lb. Above I said that this is a 1lb container, but it's actually a 2lb container. We get 2lbs of canteloupe, honeydew, watermelon, strawberries, apples and grapes for $4. For only a $1, I'll stick with the variety the containers offer.
[ Reply | More ]lol, then pay out the nose for it, but don't complain - you truly are not trying to spend less money, you just wnat to complain about the price of the items you purchased
[ Reply | More ]I'm not complaining about how much I spend. I have no problem spending $300+ on groceries per week. I was simply questioning how people are getting by on $10 or fewer per day.
[ Reply | More ]then the answer to your question is that many people are willing to compromise the items they purchase so that the price is lower - off brands vs name brands, whole fruit versus convenience cut up fruit, etc.
[ Reply | More ]np: But as OP stated, her precut fruit isn't anymore expensive than regular fruit and if she's buying a variety, it's actually cheaper to buy the precut fruit.
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it is only cheaper for her because she is too lazy to cut it up herself and then save it for the following days - her 1 lbs will last her a day with buying the fruit separately and then cutting it will last 2 or 3 at least
[ Reply | More ]You didn't read the breakdown above. When you buy fruit, you are also purchasing the weight that you are not consuming - the rind, peel, twigs, etc. Someone took the sale price per pound and divided it by four until they reached 2 pounds. It would cost her over $7 to buy retail what she's buying for $4 at wholesale - pre-cut. The store is cutting up the fruit and the non-edible portion is the sunk cost. This is quite common.
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if your english muffins are that pricey, how about you buy a loaf of bread for $2-3?
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Exactly. Cut up fruit and english muffins are not basics. Even DH and I only buy english muffins when they are buy 1 get 2 free and we make 6 figures. Otherwise it's plain bread. Db doesn't eat food yet, but DH and I spend about $10/day for the two of us, and we eat nicely (not organic, but we don't deprive ourselves). We also eat meat most nights, but usually a small amount - like we'll split 6 oz steak and make a salad.
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buy food in as basic a form as you can (butter, flour, sugar, eggs) and then make stuff.
[ Reply | More ]Miami Mom, I'm in South FL, too. You're getting hosed! I go to a Latino market and buy my fruits and veggies. An entire, overflowing cart is $25. I just bought 3 cantaloupe/honeydew hybrid melons for $1.98 (.99 each and buy 2 get 1 free), strawberries are $2 a large container, limes are 10 for $1, bell peppers are .75/lb, tomatoes .75/lb, bananas are .33/lb, etc. Publix always has BOGO free on english muffins, tomato sauce, coffee, cereal, etc. ALWAYS. Eggs are $1.89 at Publix and even cheaper at Target. No sympathy here. You're just a bad shopper.
[ Reply | More ]I wasn't asking for sympathy and I think you are a sad sack for shopping at those Latino markets. Are you ignorant or a douchebag?
[ Reply | More ]OR: What do you mean by "those" Latino markets. It's a produce market owned and operated by Latinos. As a Latina, I resent your disparaging remark. Go back to New Yawk where you came from and enjoy your $4 english muffins.
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Yes, I'm racist because I actually care about the farming and labor practices that are used to bring that cheap fruit to America. Do you know what goes on in those Latin markets? The OR is bragging about her cheap bananas and I feel like slapping her in the face. What a fucking moron.
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Yes, food sold by brown people is way inferior than food sold by white people. It's totally worth the mark up. Only an ignorant douchebag, as you put it, would shop at a market run by someone brown.
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Do you cook? Making stuff to last through multiple meals helps stretch what you spend. Also helps to have a well-stocked pantry so you have ingredients on hand and replace only as needed. If you buy by the meal, you'll get shellacked. That said, $10 a day, every day, would be tough to pull off.
[ Reply | More ]Because you aren't shopping right. Buy whole fruit and make your own fruit salad. That way you only cut up what you are using that day/s and the rest will keep. Buy actual cheese that you will use for a variety of things (sandwiches, on crackers, shredded in recipes) and cut it yourself, string cheese is totally unnecessary.
[ Reply | More ]People lie? String cheese alone is $7 in most NYC supermarkets, maybe $4.50 if you go to Trader Joe's.
[ Reply | More ]That's a lot of food for breakfast and lunch!! My kids and me get oatmeal for breakfast with milk, and a hard boiled egg each for lunch, and a couple of slices of cheese (from a block of cheese), a slice of bread and we split an apple. Plenty of food. Dinner will be rice, beans and vegetables. Maybe some chicken. We drink milk in the morning and they drink milk at night, but water during the day. And they are super active and healthy.
[ Reply | More ]That's so sad. Your kids only get vegetables for one meal. Maybe a 1/4 cup of peas? Are you in a camp?
[ Reply | More ]Why is that sad? They eat a lot of vegetables at dinner. We do stir fry, or if we do meat and rice, I serve three kinds of veggies. For lunch sometimes they eat leftovers from the night before. Do you mean are we in a camp like a prison camp? That is kind of a weird thing to say. The OP was asking how people eat on $10 a day or less. I am telling her.
[ Reply | More ]This. Oatmeal with a little honey for breakfast=pennies. Buy a bag of clementines in season for $4.99. This particular time of year is difficult for fresh fruit; I rely on dried fruit. Lunch: if dc has school lunch, it's $1.50. I make salad for myself, or pick up greek yogurt, either one with toast or tortilla. Supper: roast a chicken $12 kosher, feeds 3 or 4 of us with leftovers, that I'll make into pot pie or use in stir fry. Make stock from bones, then make a hearty soup. That's 3 or four meals from one chicken. Veggies with dinner, obviously. It might not be $10 every day, but many. Shop in chinatown: amazing fresh produce, inexpensive seafood.
[ Reply | More ]^Also, make fresh bread on weekends, make waffles and freeze for dc's breakfast during the week. Buy london broil, cut up and freeze, and use as accents in stir fry with lots of veggies. Home made tomato sauce with pasta. Buy in bulk when possible, look for specials, avoid prepackaged convenience foods.
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Join Costco and buy the recurring staples in bulk. also menu plan so you reuse things and aren't buying groceries for each meal.
[ Reply | More ]You're not buying smart - don't buy english muffins, buy bread and toast it. $4 worth of eggs should be at least about 16 eggs, how did you go through those in two meals? etc. And the mixed fruit isn't necessary. Buy a couple of apples. Later this week, buy a container of strawberries.
[ Reply | More ]WHERE IS GRAMMAR MOM????? "$10 or fewer?" OP needs to learn the difference between fewer and less.
[ Reply | More ]Huh? Math in the original post doesn't make sense. Feeding a family of four on $100/wk. does not equal spending less than $10 per day on groceries. It equals spending a bit over $14 per day. Totally doable if you buy staples in bulk/store brands when available/coupons, etc. Have been doing so for years, living in NYC. Some fairly hearty meals, like franks n' beans or sandwiches or chili or omelets, can be less than $5 worth of ingredients for the whole family.
[ Reply | More ]We do it on 150 for 2 adults and 1 toddler We cook 3 big dinners/week that can be eaten for leftovers for lunch or another dinner. We buy cereal, granola bars, crackers, etc in bulk at Costco. We always buy bananas and apples (cheapest) and then one other special fruit on sale/week (strawberries, peaches, kiwis, grapes, etc). we never buy string cheese - it's a racket. Buy a hunk of mozzarella and cut a chunk off for dc - it peels the same way and it's better quality cheese.
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[-]DH doesn't want me to attend his mother's birthday party weekend (out of town). Wants to just take DS. I am furious (feeling like it's grounds for divorce.) They speak a different language from me, but we are generally cordial. Am I over-reacting or would you be furious too?
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so do you make it stressful for him are you always questioning and wanting to be in the conversation or always asking what so and so is saying? have you made an attempt to learn the language? I am not saying this is reason enough to leave you out, but if he perceives stress from you being there and then him not being able to enjoy the visit with his family, it might be best to conceed
[ Reply | More ]I have tried to learn and speak a smattering - DS is fluent. I let them talk and rarely interrupt. Sometimes I ask DS to translate but usually I understand enough to be disinterested. Their conversations are not that exciting.
[ Reply | More ]np. Well that makes it sound like you don't care to have a relationship with them, nor have you put any effort into it. Is that accurate?
[ Reply | More ]I don't know how to answer - I work a lot and do what I can. I tried to learn the language and speak maybe a 1000 words. I only don't understand when they talk super fast. We are culturally very different
[ Reply | More ]But the way you described their conversations-- let's face it, most people's conversations aren't riveting. It's about community and family and relationship more than the conversation topic. Can't you join in (as much as possible) even if it's not a conversation that keeps you on the edge of your seat? It just sounds to me like you sit there and do nothing while the rest of the family is talking. That would be awkward, on both sides. I'm not solely blaming you for the dynamic, this is just what jumped out at me from this part of your responses.
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Do you really want to go? Or are you just bothered by the fact that you feel excluded? If you really want to go - really want to celebrate your MIL's birthday and can be a good happy guest who is happy to be there, stop fighting about it and go. But if you are going to spite your DH and are using the thought of keeping your DS at home just to make a point, that's not good. No one likes a guest under protest. Would you be a guest under protest?
[ Reply | More ]What language? what is their culture? I know some cultures are like that: leave a window open or get cold and you get sick. Or don't wipe sweat off the child and they get sick.
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Oh my god, your dh is leaving town with your kids and you're mad! What! Have a party, eat some sushi, drink a bottle of champagne and watch your favorite movies. Sleep in. O, maybe he can invite my dh and dcs.
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[-]any ideas for books or book series to read aloud to my 3 and 5 yo dds?
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[-]What do you make for dinner that's easy, quick, nutritious? I have 2 DCs now and finally need to start cooking regularly. We've been doing a lot of roasts with chopped vegetables but are starting to tire of the repetition. We need to go dairy and nut-free because my nursing DB seems to have dairy / nut sensitivities. TIA!
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreThis is dumb, but in a pinch ... browned lean ground beef, chef boyardee spaghettios, 1 can corn, 1 can mixed veggies. Not the world's most organic meal but the kids eat it. Actually I admit not in a pinch. I make this like 2x a week, send it to school in a thermos for lunches ... I multiply the recipe.
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[-]has anyone been able to get rid of their kids lice without a service?
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreFor boys, a buzz cut and nit comb afterwards. For girls a hot iron for straightening hair after doing treatments. Zaps the nits (you can hear/feel them pop) and it really made it go away quicker than the other time when we just did treatments. You of course had to vacuum, put stuffed things in bags, scarfs too--found a ton of lice eggs on my dd's knit scarf one winter--ick!
[ Reply | More ]This is a good non medicated way. Smother lice by applying heavy coating of margarine, mayo or Vaseline to dc's hair and scalp. Cover with a shower cap or plastic wrap and leave for several hours or overnight before washing it. Comb hair with fine tooth comb. Soak combs in alcohol for 1 hr. put clothing/bedding in plastic bags for 3-4 days until eggs have hatched and lice have died from lack of food.
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The Jewish lady coats the hair with a thick layer of Suave conditioner and then she uses a German-made lice comb (Nisska is the manufacturer) to comb the hair. It works like a charm. The first time we went to her and she showed us what to do and sold us a comb. the next two times, I did it on my own.
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[-]more good stuff from thomas sowell: A few years ago, when a faculty vote on affirmative action was proposed at the University of California at Berkeley, there was a fierce disagreement as to whether that vote should be taken by secret ballot or at an open faculty meeting.
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | More^^ Both sides understood that many professors would vote one way in secret and the opposite way in public. In short, hypocrisy is the norm in discussions of race -- and not just at Berkeley. Moreover, it is the norm among blacks as well as whites.
[ Reply | More ]the link in case you want to read the full article: http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2012/04/28/who_is_racist_part_ii_113993.html
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[-]I'm bad with directions, I'm bad the LSAT, poor with back-of-the envelope math. I can't figure out if I have poor analytical ability or a learning disorder. Thoughts?
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I always thought this was the most hilarious part of that Manzo kid on RHoNJ wanting to be a lawyer but claiming he needed accommodations because he had learning disabilities. Please, your Honor, get me THAT lawyer now !!
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As someone who has involuntarily been immersed in this world, I've come to believe that everyone has a little of something. If you imagine each of us as a machine with levers for all functions that are individually set, some on high, some within normal limits and some low. We could all be better performers if our levels were tweaked. People who need more help need more adjustments, but even the highest performing people have things that can be improved. By naming a difficulty, you've gone one step closer to tweaking and adjusting and maximizing.
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[-]I am not suicidal, but right now am going through a difficult time with teenager and it's affecting the whole fantasy. Keep closing my eyes and fantasizing on what blowing my head up would feel like. Ugh.
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreIt would utterly crush and wound your family and everyone who cared about you beyond belief. It would be tantamount to ripping their hearts out and they would walk around for weeks in a daze, unable to comprehend why you did it. They would scream, wail and cry at the news, and pray for hours and hours that you were in a better place at least, and not in hell. They would be completely crushed beyond belief, and might even give up on their goals in life, because it just wouldn't matter anymore. Some might even internalize what happened and the guilt might drive them to self destruction in other ways, drinking, or suicidal behavior themselves. Seek outside help with a therapist, and do whatever you can to not let the teenager affect you.
[ Reply | More ]Not even remotely thinking of doing it, but ds has put us in a real bind and it's causing all sorts of strains in the family (between dh and I, between us and in laws, etc..) Sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode on it's own. It's a weird escapist fantasy, I sort of imagine my brain matter exploding out in slow motion and wonder what that would feel like. It's odd.
[ Reply | More ]As the person who fantasized the other day about a helpful planet arriving to obliterate ours (because I was feeling the same way), OP is not serious, but it is its own brand of torture to have a difficult teenager. It is like having a bad boyfriend/girlfriend you love passionately but know you can't break up with. It is exhausting and heartbreaking to see them make bad choices. As a parent you question your very purpose for being here and it doesn't help to have Jackie in your head ... 'if you mess up raising your kids, nothing much else matters.'
[ Reply | More ]Yes, but teenagers are just like that sometimes. Don't take it personally. The more you try to control them, the more the rebel. They just have to go through that stage of rebeling against parents to find their own identity in adulthood. There are many cases of a rebel teen straightening up and coming back years later and feeling embarrassed and apologizing for their behavior. But don't expect that now. You have to be less sensitive and not take things so personally. It's not about you, even the personal attacks are not about you.
[ Reply | More ]Even the ones where they say, 'well, if I'm making so many mistakes and I have no future, that's not my fault, that's your fault, because you made me this way, so thanks mom & dad' ... that one is no fun. Just a bad cycle ... they do something, you punish them, then they claim that the only reason they drink/smoke/rebel is because you are such harsh parents and they need to escape. Catch 22. I'm waiting for 18. Or for the planet to hit.
[ Reply | More ]Get a family therapist to mediate. You need it at that point. When you look at them as they're smarting off and you have a passing thought to break their face, you need an intervention in the family dynamic. Tons of families do.
[ Reply | More ]Actually ... very good suggestion. I have been resisting that possibility just because I know DH won't participate and was wondering just how helpful it would be if we (me and dc) would resolve some differences but they could be left with "well I do this because my Dad does this" never being resolved. But it's a very good idea. Thank you, I am going to look into that.
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Actually, he's funny. He said to me this morning that no matter how you look at it, it's partly my fault. He said, 'yo mom, either nature or nurture, you know what I'm saying!"
[ Reply | More ]What is your fault? Just keep peeling the onion layers "And what's so bad about that?" until you get to the nitty gritty. "And why is that bad?" With teenagers it really helps to repeat back what they say to you to let tham know that you get it and you are listening. You'd be surprised how saying "So, (what they just said) and that means (x)?" really works.
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[-]Am crushed for 5yo DS. I'm the only FT WOHM in the neighborhood, but he'll be starting K with all the local kids in the fall. At a birthday party today, the birthday child walked up to him and said "My mommy didn't invite you! She only did it because she said it was polite!" DS then asked to sit next to the birthday boy, who said pretty fiercely no. Birthday boy apparently egged on a developmentally delayed kid to pick on DS, and I finally said "OK, we're going" when birthday boy took a swing at DS. DS was on his best behavior, and I'm crying for him. He doesn't want to talk about it. WWYD?
41 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreWhat a brat! And what a mother if she said outloud that she was inviting your son only to be polite. Can only tell you that there are always mean kids in any neighborhood and also in any school. On the up side, your ds will be meeting new kids in class and will find his own friends. He sounds like a sweetheart.
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OP: No, not fake. I didn't say anything one because I don't want to make waves and get told kids will be kids, and two because the parents also had a two year old of their own their, and a two week old baby at home, so I'm sure their thoughts were all over the place. What good would it do to confront at the party?
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I would have told the child that his mommy says things like that because she is unhappy- ask his Daddy about it with a sinister smile.
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This does kind of seem fake. How can you be the only FT WOHM in the neighborhood? Are you in a very very tiny town? And you're seriously saying that the birthday boy took a swing at your son and no other adults reacted? Did they not see this?
[ Reply | More ]I live in a small well-to-do neighborhood, where daddies go to work and mommies stay at home. A few moms do local part time make your own schedule type of gigs, but I'm the only one on a train before dawn, kwim?
[ Reply | More ]Have you never had any mom friends since you've lived in this town or were none of them at this party?
[ Reply | More ]Yes. One family and we are pretty tight, we're on good terms with at least three others, and this kid we had a playdate at our house once and see him around at other parties. My DS goes to day care though, so he sees most of these kids maybe 6 times a year at the occasional neighborhood party, whereas they all go to the same very-part-time preschool together, mom group much tighter. It is what it is for DS, but we moved here for the schools which he's about to start. I'm just crushed at the mean kid-ness.
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I always want to call fake on these types of posts, but I then I have to remember that there are mothers out there like that Teresa lady from that reality housewives show. There are some horribly spoiled children out there.
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OP, the other girl's mother was kind to give you a call to uninvite your daughter. The other girl could have just let your daughter come and then ignore your daughter. Imagine how your daughter feel if she were to be isolated by everyone at the sleepover ---- watching the other girls having fun on their own without being included? This was what your daughter did to the other little girl. She was heartbroken, and her mother was gracious to even give you a call.
[ Reply | More ]FTR, I have known horrible kids of nice parents. It's up to you to tell her what her ds was saying and doing if she happened to out of earshot. My 7th grade dd recounted a "friend" saying to her yesterday--"do I HAVE to go to your bat mitzvah service? Can't I just go to the party?" Dd said--I guess so... The girl then said "Never mind, my mother said I HAVE to go! She said it'll be GOOD for me". As if it were a punishment to be invited. I told my dd if she continues like this for the next month she can be told she doesn't HAVE to come to either part, with my blessings. I know the mom--she's very nice.
[ Reply | More ]There are obviously a couple of really bad eggs in this family. Hopefully, the whole town is not populated with freaks like this.
[ Reply | More ]If they all go to the same pre-school they're in a little pack, with their mothers. In our ongoing city school this is the case - big contigent of dc & parents from one pre-K and they are a club. When he gets to school there will be other dc. Try to make a point of initiating playdate with dc from other schools, groups than this one. The only thing a bully finds intolerable is being ignored.
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OP: There are plenty. Some towns like mine in which I don't live are Darien, Summit, Chappaqua, Scarsdale, etc. Think along those lines. I'm the breadwinner.
[ Reply | More ]^^and so I don't sound like an a-hole, I feel obliged to explain further - DH has an impressive-sounding but not-lucrative job right in town, and I commute to make the living. So it's a combination of convenience and access to great schools... but it's not a combination in any other households with kids my age, put it that way. I'm sure there must be some other moms in the area who do FT WOHM, but I've been here years and have yet to meet any with kids close to my age. I'm just wondering if we should have moved somewhere less "nice," less convenient for DH, but with more average families who have both parents work.
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[-]HELP. I'm 31 with first db only a few months old. I'm now officially a SAHM. I've worked since I was 22 and all my friends work. How do I make new mom friends? Go to the park and look for moms with babies? This is a new world for me.
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We've been in the suburbs for 1.5 years now. But that sad part is, we haven't even met our neighbors!--we've been working and busy in the city. We moved here because it was a great deal and we were TTC and we knew we wanted to raise our family here. Now is the time I'm supposed to start "settling in" but I don't even know where to start
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Take some classes - infant massage may be the only thing you can do at this point, but soon (when DB is six months) you can do swimming and (I think) Music Together.
[ Reply | More ]OP--I should add, I chose this and I am happy to start this venture in life but it's very foreign to me! I don't want to go back to work. I want to figure out how this SAHM thing works! I think once I make friends and have a routine, it will be great
[ Reply | More ]I made some friends at the park, but they were more like casual acquaintances. The way I really made closer friends was through a play group. We met every week at someone's house and it was fun and supportive. I also joined mom and me classes and made a friend that way. You can also do things that interest you (join a book club, take a pottery class) and make friends that way whether or not they have kids.
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A lot of Baby & Me classes and Mommy & Me classes are for connecting, not so much for the baby's sake. Keep trying, you'll find others. You can always start your own group too in your neighborhood--put up a flyer in places and offer to meet at the park or at a Starbucks etc...once you meet a few people you've got your group.
[ Reply | More ]I moved to the burbs after I had my daughter after 20 years in NYC and it was very hard to make new friends. I found I didn't necessarily have something in common with moms just because they had kids. So I joined book club sponsored by Newcomer's club. I love to read and found like-minded people of all ages. I was a older mother and didn't connect with the younger ones.
[ Reply | More ]Ditto classes and newcomers. Is there a new mom's group for your neighborhood? We have those in nyc and I met a ton of ladies. You also have to really put yourself out there. It's a bit like dating. Invite ladies for coffee. Invite them to come over post afternoon nap for a glass of wine. You can't sit and wait for invites or people will think you're not interested.
[ Reply | More ]Mommy and me classes and be proactive about getting together w other moms. I took a class when #1 was a DB, a couple of the moms organized a playgroup and those 7 ladies ended up being my closest friends in town, until we moved to another city. I was 38 and a lawyer and the other moms ranges from early 30s to 39 and a commensurate range of professional experience. First time motherhood is a great equalizer. I never would havr thought this and so would never have been the organizer and would have really missed out.
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[-]True or false: Starting out with money helps you get to the next level in any industry. Money begets money.
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money allows people with the drive and ambitiousness to get further in life (most of the time) than someone without - either contacts, the ability to keep funding something until it takes off, etc.
[ Reply | More ]there ain't never even money to fund a crap career. look at dylan's candy bar. sure, she gets to be in magazines but does that thing make any money at all?
[ Reply | More ]no idea if she makes money currently, maybe some day she will but at least she is not suffering while trying to make her business take off
[ Reply | More ]her shop has already become famous. the beauty of her situation is she has the luxury of time and money to let her store's reputation to continue to build.
[ Reply | More ]but what is that going to do for her? is someone going to come along and buy her crap business that makes no money? what is her profitable exit or growth strategy to take her cute little shop to the *next* level?
[ Reply | More ]depends what she wants out of it - the money she has affords her her dream, be it a money making dream or not
[ Reply | More ]yeah, it's like ferraris and holiday in sardinia. just luxuries but it does not build careers. some people dream of cruising around the mediterranean. others dream of fancy little candy shop that no one cares about. neither will get them anywhere in life.
[ Reply | More ]but why do they have to "be" anywhere in their life besides the place they want to be? why do you think they should have to have your dreams?
[ Reply | More ]look. the question is whether money brings people success in an industry. being a happy but unsuccessful business woman in a bleeding business is not the next level in an industry. if the question is whether money can buy happiness, i would concur that to a large extent, it can certainly go a long way.
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Op: you're right. I guess I was wondering if everyone else thought this. Connections, family money, it all helps.
[ Reply | More ]it sure does, I work for a very wealthy family and the experiences their children have sets them up nicely
[ Reply | More ]we are wealthy and don't think this will be the case for our two children. do you have examples? everyone i know who are very wealthy did it by the dint of their hard work. they might have had some advantages such as parents who made sure they got good education but that doesn't cost money.
[ Reply | More ]many of many friends had parents who either bought them apartments, helped fund their businesses. i am an attorney at a big firm. many first year associates are our clients kids
[ Reply | More ]examples would be they are world travelers and feel very comfortable in different environments, they have had wonderful educations that the majority of children do not get, they have interned in their parents friends business as well as their parents business, travel in circles of other heads of industry, etc. Just incredibly different from the environment I grew up with and the majority of my friends
[ Reply | More ]i know some of these kids. they just don't get anywhere unless they have the goods. knew two idiot kids whose fathers were on the boards of everything including their alma maters and connections at first job. one, totally failed and is doing nothing. second, actually knew something and is running his own business. it's the education. money allows someone to hand off educating his children to the help/tutors/private schools. that's a luxury. but an ordinary person sufficiently motivated can educate his/her children equally well if he/she gets personally involved at the expense of his/her time.
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no, but probably my children will be and i don't think they will have success in life unless they work hard like their parents did. but they will not be on their ass penniless and broke if they don't work hard. that's lucky for them but it's different from buying them successful careers.
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Of course it helps but it doesn't mean that if you don't have it after a good college you can't make it on your own. Of course if money is what you want your kids goals to be in life I suppose it's a good start.
[ Reply | More ]Money does not equal happiness. The shiny new feeling of buying something, like an expensive car. It's good, but it goes away after the newness wears off. I mean, mone can't be the only thing in life, or the most valuable thing in life, right? It's only one componet of a happy life, and I'm sick of peopl on this site acting like people have no problems, or feel no pain if they have money.
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If it made no difference people with money wouldn't spend so much money on their kids' education, lessons, travel, etc. They'd go to public school and scoop ice cream during the summer.
[ Reply | More ]Yeah but money doesn't equal love. Everyone knows this. Just because the spoiled child gets a new toy everytime they cry doesn't mean it's a happy family. Just because they're in a school mommy likes doesn't mean the child's happy. And sometimes the only way they can cope is by telling themselves they're better than others. Makes it all worthwhile, because if they're not then it loses a lot of the meaning. Yes, money is important. But it's not the only thing that matters, nor is it the most important thing. You really need to rethink your life if you believe that.
[ Reply | More ]i agree with all but one point. maybe i am too practical about this but i'd say money is the most important thing. love and poverty does not equal happiness. there has to be some measure of physical security. money to a level of security is the most important thing. beyond that brings very little but temporary bursts of euphoria.
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[-]So, according to my 8th grade dd and her friends, all the popular girls cut themselves. Doesn't seem to matter if it's selective public or private. "Everyone" does it. What?
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no, apparently it's a thing that is really popular with middle school girls right now.
[ Reply | More ]No it's not. Maybe in the crew she hangs with but it's not really popular to do right now.
[ Reply | More ]I'm reporting what 4 girls said about this. Each goes to a different school (they were friends from elementary) 3 girls are in public one is in private. I don't get it. But they were insistent that 'everyone' does it at their school and all the popular girls do it. I think I'm going to call the guidance counselor on Monday.
[ Reply | More ]But they are in the same type of group if they all hang out together. Doesn't matter if they are in different schools. All the girls that they run with might but it's less "popular" than they are making it seem.
[ Reply | More ]I'm not sure how similar they are, but they definitely like each other. Two are the smart nerdy kid, one is seemingly perfect - great grades, amazingly talented etc - and the fourth is a sweet, funny kid, she's probably the most 'popular'. maybe they're just messing with me. Still calling the school to get more info.
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that's comforting. they all have i-phones too, i hear. hopefully ours will skip the foolishness. maybe i can paint the door with some blood and the idiocy will pass us over.
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[-]Under what possible circumstances would you EVER let a (non-relative, or relative) known, convicted sex offender watch your 10 YO girl? Her family should be held liable for her rape & attempted strangulation as well for what happened to her: http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/story/2012-04-28/poster-child-missing-kids-rape/54602608/1
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreI'm not following that link, but there is no circumstance where that would ever knowingly happen if I was involved.
[ Reply | More ]Terrible tragedy. The sex offender was an abused child. Clearly no one in his family was looking out for his welfare either.
[ Reply | More ]I can actually think of a few circumstances. If it was one of the romeo-and-juliet cases where an eighteen-year-old is convicted for having sex with his seventeen-year-old girlfriend. Or one of the BS cases where a guy pees in an alley and ends up being listed as a convicted sex offender. Good people end up on the sex offender list... it's not all child rapists, unfortunately.
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[-]I'm a little late to the party. Do people love or hate Bethenny?
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Morei just find her and her shows and manufactured drama so dull. all the references to sex and the inappropriate comments to try to get attention and a rise out of people are juvenile. i also think that with her recent windfall she should get a stylist as her clothes never seem to fit right, her make up is orange on her face and then her neck is white..she needs to be more pulled together. her DD is beautiful and i hope she doesn't push Jason too far or he'll leave. i'm sure his parents hate her at this point.
[ Reply | More ]I actually like her clothes and hate her. Think her dd is adorable but no beautiful and getting less beautiful by the day. Think she's a fraud and I watched the show where she would leave her kid to her make up artist since she takes her dd to get manicures vs her grandparents since they are older. She's a freak and I hope her talk show falls into hell.
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[-]My 12 yo has been diagnosed with a learning disability. What private school options are out there for me? We live in Brooklyn, and would prefer a school nearby, but willing to travel for a good school that focuses on children who have learning disabilities. Public is not an option for me. Anyone BTDT? Any advice?
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