Your search for "single parent" returned the following 23126 results:
Displaying results 1 to 25 sorted by recency. Sort by relevance.
[+] Parents of kids with high scores <99 and up: what 'extra's do you do to mentor your k... 21 replies
- you don't do a single thing out of the ordinary?...
- their baby to shoaky influences. Unless you're like one of those parent who would name their baby Hitler or something....
- since infancy. That got his language developed early. I am a single mom, so I suppose I do talk to him about the world more than other parents may. My friend told me once that all of the other...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Parents of kids with high scores <99 and up: what 'extra's do you do to mentor your kids and coach them toward high scores? Baby Einstein, Baby Sign Language, etc? Thanks in advance for your tips.
21 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 06:26 PM Flag ]-
Some people are smarter than others from the start. Thinking you can manipulate intelligence by sitting a kid in front of Baby Einstein (which was proven to be a crock, fwiw), is ridiculous.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:31 PM FlagUm actually, I watched the today show and a child genius was on there talking about how his he composed something on his Baby Einstein toy. Now whether there's a correalation, I can't say. But I can't believe parents don't do anything. Teach them ABC's and 123's? Something?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:11 PM Flag
well let's see, I WOH f/t and they spend 50 hrs a week with an uneducated nanny. Don't force them to eat foods they don't like, so they eat a lot of yogurt and pasta and not much broccoli. They watch at least an hour of TV every day - real TV not baby einstein.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:34 PM FlagMy son had high scores on SB and OLSAT and I honestly did nothing but reas to him a ton since infancy. That got his language developed early. I am a single mom, so I suppose I do talk to him about the world more than other parents may. My friend told me once that all of the other moms were convinced that I was secretly doing flash cars or something at home. Nope.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:31 PM FlagRead tons. Plus, talk a lot to them and ask qs to make sure they understand. For example, I read 10 books to my 4 year old every damn night after work. And I try to pick stories that have rich subtexts, not dr Seuss type books. And every chance I get, I ask questions to help her see what's going on beneath the surface (why do you think the cat feels lucky? Why do you think the raccoon and the owl are friends? What does the bear think is happening and what is actually happening?) No baby Einstein. That's junk IMO. Also, we let our dd use scissors, tape, glue, stapler, etc and we have done so since she was 3. If you give the kids room to do this stuff, they will become much more able. Also, we did no tv until she was 2 and even now we limit it significantly. And we play a lot of games - go fish, old maid, gin rummy. And in general make sure they understand what you're saying. Kids soak things up in a way that adults cannot. They love to chat with their mom, so they will listen to anything you have to say. Take advantage of that.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:32 PM Flag
-
[+] 50 year old father of two here. I've been dating for about 3 years now (divorced for ... 121 replies
- common with a never-married childless woman to even attempt a single date. I didn't realize that age difference was such..., if they have things in common (like both are parents)...
- might be sleeping with others simultaneously. I hadn't been single since mid 90's and everything seemed so different. I...time and getting put out about "exclusivity"'; claiming every single woman you have recently dated is crazy, arrogant, shallow,...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
50 year old father of two here. I've been dating for about 3 years now (divorced for 6 years) and at this point I feel like every single woman out there is wrong for me. Everyone I meet seems self-absorbed, arrogant, pushy, shallow, boring, mean, crazy, or just plain stupid. I'm not arrogant, but I'm a nice guy with some good qualities. I just want to find a normal girl, who is nice and smart. That's all. Is that too much? What am I doing wrong?
121 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 05:07 PM Flag ]-
-
-
No, old guy comes on here complaining that all of the "girls" that he meets are dreadful and we're supposed to say what? Agree? Please. He sounds like he's his own problem. He's 50..yet the majority of the women he's dating are in their 30s and 40s (likely early 40s)and more than likely child free themselves. His primary focus is likely looks and he probably looks passable at best. I'm sorry--50 with kids? He's not exactly eligible bachelor material: men die younger than women. These women see depends and ornery step kids in their future and they're not taking him seriously. OP, try dating 50 year old single mothers. Stay in your lane and you'll have better results.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:26 PM FlagI only date single mothers. As I have said in a response below, I don't feel that I have enough in common with a never-married childless woman to even attempt a single date. I didn't realize that age difference was such a big deal. Most of the women I date are in their 40s, the youngest one was 37 (when I was 48).
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:29 PM Flag
-
I fing divorced men whith children want a woman to help him with the kids when he has them. If she isn't interested he calls her selfish. This is why I dont date men with kids. I'm not gonna help you do the dirty work.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:44 PM Flag
-
-
-
How old are the women you're dating? Where are you meeting them? What are you doing with them datewise - dinner, movies, museums?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:09 PM Flag-
I am dating women in their late 30s and 40s. The youngest woman I've dated was 37 (I was 48 at the time). I don't discriminate on age, but women who are under 35 have no interest in me.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:11 PM Flagnp: that's good to know. You need to try to stay away from where you're meeting these wrong women. Seems like the women I know that are my age (43) and aren't married are a little pushy, nutty and demanding to get married. Maybe try looking in places that are very different for you. Have you been fixed up by friends?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:13 PM Flag
If you're 50 and looking for a "girl," and every "woman" you meet is a nut, I think you have your answer.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:09 PM FlagIt was a figure of speech, a mistake, sorry. I don't care about age, but most of the women that I date are in their 40s, only a handful have been in their late 30s.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:27 PM Flag
I'm single, pretty, super nice, and a doctor. 31. I'd be reluctant to date someone with kids. Maybe you should date older women? 45+?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:17 PM Flagnp: when you meet a man who is 50yrs, I'd hope he'd have at least one dc..if no kids, no ex wife, no ex fiance that would be a big red flag for me. I'd run
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:19 PM FlagDitto. After age 30 or so if you don't have any baggage, there's something wrong.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:20 PM FlagI'm dating men around my age to 38 or so who have never been married. Think 50 yo dad should date w/i his age bracket instead of blaming all women for being mean, crazy, stupid, etc.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:24 PM FlagWell, I agree with that on the age range. But frankly, don't you think he probably is encountering some nutty types?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:26 PM FlagSome nutty types, sure...but only mean/crazy/selfish etc women in 3 years of dating? no way. I think the problem's with OP, not every single woman he's dated!
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:30 PM Flagnp: with all of the WACK JOBS here on UB, I can only imagine how hard it's been to date for this 50 yr old man. Women are Freaking Crazy. Men too...but there's a reason why I don't have a lot of female friends....many are total PITA, bitchy and bratty. Not a lot of difference btwn lots of single ladies these days and the same teens I went to all girls school with. Coo-Koo
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:38 PM Flag
What is my age bracket. I had kids later in life, so I find that I have more in common with a 40 yo mom (who has kids) a 47 yo single woman with no kids.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:31 PM FlagAnd a normal well adjusted 40 y/o with small kids of her own is looking for a man 10 years older with small kids because. . .
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:38 PM FlagMy kids are not small, but why would that be a problem? What do well adjusted women with young kids look for? A never married guy with no kids?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:39 PM Flagnp: because most of the time women are much more mature than men and for a single 43yr old with young kids to date a single man the same age...it's not a match. At this age we want no bullshit. Just a nice, relaxing, comfortable date...not a 43yr old man who still think he's 24 and wants to HANG that way
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:40 PM Flag
What about women who are kind of plain, maybe a bit plump, not flashy but just solid and dependable?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:18 PM Flagthe way you describe women above does not sound inviting. it doesn't sound like you have a good opinion of women or any vision of the qualities of a woman who would be a good fit, from your post, anyway. women may be picking up on your frustration and current state of disappointment and negativity. that is not attractive.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:24 PM Flag
It is hard to find someone in NYC. People here are so ambitious. Always looking to be better and "one-up" the next person. You want to date someone smart and sexy. But also genuine and decent and kind. It's a really hard mix to find. I think many women would concur it is hard to find the same exact things in a man.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:29 PM Flagstart by making changes in the way you think and speak. disillusionment, unsuccessful, gripes, are words from your last response and your original post was negative as well. focus on being an upbeat, optimistic, kind, funny, creative, interesting, inspiring person and you will attract same.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:38 PM FlagI am an optimistic person, but I've tried dating for 3 years (actively dating) with very little luck. This is a negative post because I have a problem. If everything was great, I wouldn't be posting asking for advice. When I go out on a date, I don't kick it off by complaining about all the other women out there, obviously.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:41 PM FlagI have been divorced for three years and only dated two men briefly. Both times I broke it off because I felt like he was seeing at least 4-5 other women and I didn't know how comfortable I was getting intimate with someone who might be sleeping with others simultaneously. I hadn't been single since mid 90's and everything seemed so different. I get what you are saying because I feel like men are the same way that you are describing women. I am in my late 30's, very thin, attractive, smart, etc. but have not had good success with dating. I think it's a timing thing. When it is right, it will happen. I swore off internet dating. Just waiting for the right thing to happen the old fashioned way.....
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:46 PM FlagUnless we have a conversation about being exclusive, I expect that the woman I am dating is seeing other people, and I hope that she expects the same from me. Realistically, though, there's very little time in my schedule to be carrying on multiple relationships. When I get serious about someone, I try to spend as much time as I can with them, which sort of takes care of the "other women" problem on its own.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:51 PM FlagWhat is your longest relationship? When did you have the exclusivity convo?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:01 PM FlagThe longest one after the divorce lasted for 7 months. She brought up exclusivity about 3 weeks into it (after 4 dates) and I consented. She turned out to be incredibly jealous, clingy, and a bit nuts.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:03 PM FlagWell 7 months is a nice long run. I would say you should just "hang in there." I think you'll meet someone if you keep your eyes out. Don't be afraid to talk to strangers. Have a business card you could hand to someone if she catches your eye in a coffee shop.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:07 PM Flag
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
I am a research scientist and tenured professor. I own a two bedroom apartment on the Upper West Side and a small house in Cambridge MA. A bit in savings, retirement and my kids' future is well planned for. Nothing flashy or glamorous, but I can afford a very nice dinner for two a couple of times per week, if that's what you mean.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:01 PM Flag-
-
-
-
-
-
I am well-read, curious, intellectual, average height, athletic, thin, have all my hair, no particularly hideous features. I am securely employed, financially stable. I want a woman who is sweet, kind, intelligent, intellectual, well-read, cultured, has kids, and is not insane.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:05 PM FlagToo bad this is an anonymous board or you'd probably get some dates tonight. lol
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:08 PM Flag-
-
I have this hysterical vision in my head that you are really a group of women who are drinking and having fun "playing" this whole posting.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:22 PM FlagI am for real (unfortunately). Although this wasn't as productive as I hoped. My fault, I guess. It's hard to get the point across online.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:25 PM FlagActually, you are getting very real answers. There are some gems of truth in what people are saying. Some wackos too. Being on UB is kind of like riding the subway.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:30 PM Flagnp you sound attractive to me, although I am a little wary of your science-orientation as the stereotype is that science folk aren't great communicators. BTW, while I am married I am trying to figure out my exit. I am pretty normal, but to be honest the combo of crappy marriage, 3 kids and sorting out my career in this downturn are making me crazy. I digress from your issues...sorry. Misplaced Adderal Rx, in all seriousness.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:34 PM Flag
-
This will sound awful, but are the women you date mostly from Manhattan?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:18 PM FlagTo be honest, watching my mother take care of my much older father as he aged is not something I'd want to repeat, and I'd keep that in mind if I were dating right now. I think you'd have better luck being on the same page with someone over 45. Other than that, I don't know. Good luck.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:39 PM FlagSomehow I feel creeped out by this post. Did you come here to pick-up women or just get a ton of attention from the ladies? I know you're just answering questions, but your responses sound like a personals add.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:20 PM FlagMajor red flags in the OPs posts: Calling adult women "girls"; dating multiple women at the same time and getting put out about "exclusivity"'; claiming every single woman you have recently dated is crazy, arrogant, shallow, stupid, etc.; saying you are looking for someone the exact opposite of your ex
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:13 PM Flag
Bummer that this is an anonymous board and I can't screen you because I have a friend I'd set you up with. 47, doctor, owns her own practice, no kids but loves other people's children, nice, normal, funny and attractive. Oh, well....
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:26 PM Flag
-
[+] Any advice for constipated toddler? We are already doing Mirilax every single day. Po... 57 replies
- countless hard work later, I am NOT easy on parents who play with their child's health, self...are thin now but eat atrociously and too many parents who say I can't do anything--bullsh*t....
- ^ and too many parents who say I can't do anything--bullsh*t....be advocating that it's okay for modern parents to follow in your mother's footsteps....
- be advocating that it's okay for modern parents to follow in your mother's footsteps....
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Any advice for constipated toddler? We are already doing Mirilax every single day. Potty trained for a week which is making it worse but not the cause. I don't know what else to do other than Mirilax. She wont eat fruits and veggies or juice which is not helping but is that the cause?
57 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 04:07 PM Flag ]-
She just wont eat it. Offer it to her and she refuses and eats around it. Should I shove it down her throat?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:15 PM Flagwhat will she eat? And yes, that is the cause. You can work around it, though
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:18 PM Flagop- most meats like chicken, pork, baked beans, rice, pasta, sandwiches with ham or turkey ect.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:19 PM Flagdo you put anything on the pasta? My dds will eat marinara on the pasta and you can blend in fresh veggies before you put it on. I also shred veggies and mix into the rice. There is a whole thread today about moms who disagree with this method, but it works for me.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:22 PM Flag
OR: I have never heard of a child who would not eat one.single.type.of.produce. Puree it. Hide it in a drink. Offer her a piece of fresh peach on top of a spoonful of ice cream. Good lord woman, use some common sense. I'm going to guess you're a SAHM or have a nanny, because this is a problem a regular person who couldn't be so indulgent would never have.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:22 PM FlagI have tried the fruit inside ice cream but did with strawberries. She ate around it. Yes I have failed somewhere down the line. Not sure how to fix it. I gave in to it in past and now she is used to not eating it. She loved fruit until about 18months, stopped and then never went back. Thought it was a phase. I am SAHM. What do you mean indulgent?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:25 PM FlagIn other words...what can I do to not indulge her. Say eat the broccoli or no dinner? Withold the chicken or rice unless she eats broc?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:26 PM FlagOR: I am kinda sorry to sound mean about it, but OTOH the only people I know with kids who won't take a bottle, won't eat x, etc. are kids with moms who SAHM and have the luxury of working around the kid. Talk to your doctor, but at some point, I'd imagine it will involve something along the lines of "this is not a diner, eat your dinner if you want a cookie" to your kid. Good luck. Really.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:28 PM Flag
I'd love to know what would happen if she just stays constipated...
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:30 PM FlagWe had the same problem with now 4 yo ds. Also not a big fruit/veg eater. I saw a pediatric gastroenterologist who I highly recommend - Nancy Pittman. She gave us a program that worked (Miralax was involved). Also she said not to sweat the fruit & veg - they can get fiber from waffles, cereals, other whole grains. A lot of the problem for these kids is psychological. They get backed up and scared of pooping so they hold it and it becomes a vicious cycle.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:37 PM FlagMineral oil...buy it at CVS....my dd used to get very constipated so I put a tablespoon in her milk every night and it really helped. GL
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:42 PM FlagThe oil referenced above is likely a form of Mineral Oil. We used Kondremul (available on drugstore) as it has an acceptable or no flavor when mixed with a drink. Worked fairly well for #1. My #3 also had more severe issues. I have introduced Fiber Gummies, which even I eat daily, into all my dc's diets and it helps a ton. None are big veggie eaters and prune juice never worked for us. All the usual: fluids, high fiber foods, exercise, belly massage are worth trying. There are also OTC kids' versions of MOM and Colace. If all else fails, for emergency, the glycerin suppository truly worked for us.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:43 PM FlagBe honest with her. When it's painful and bleeding let her know that fruits and vegetables are what stops it being so.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:50 PM FlagPlease tell me that you don't have children. Surely you can't have raised any humans.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:10 PM Flagnp. why? my 2.5 who has had exactly the same problem for the last 2 months actually got it. I kept telling him that dates help him and he needs to eat them. He wouldn't touch them before but now eats 1 or 2. And repeats my words about how they help his tummy.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:20 PM Flag
Your kid eats like crap. This is why she is unable to crap. This is a form of abuse, neglect at the very least. She's a toddler. She doesn't control what she eats. She's not buying the groceries, nor is she cooking the meals. You are lazy, uninformed, or both. Include vegetables and whole grain fiber rich foods in your everyday cooking: Add spinach to your marinara sauce and use brown rice spaghetti, mash up cauliflower and substitute it for mashed potatoes, purchase whole grain and sprouted breads, make smoothies from fruits & vegetables with Greek yogurt. Most of the time your toddler will not know. Much of the time she will seek her dietary clues from your own eating(you probably have a horrible diet as well). On some things she might need to be offered several times before she likes it. There is simply no reason to treat your child like a garbage disposal which is what your doing if you're not doing everything possible to make sure that she's getting the necessary nutrition. And miralax on a regular basis for a child? RIDICULOUS.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:20 PM FlagJesus, I'm the OR above who took OP to task, and you need to lighten up and not be completely horrible to her. She *is* asking for help, even if I gave it to her pretty straight. I think she realizes she's screwed up. It's not neglect, it's over-catering. Lighten up. Before you know it, with that kind of attitude, your kids will be getting pregnant in the back seat of some car, but OP's won't.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:28 PM Flagnp: Op's won't bec no one wants to get it on with a constipated girl...
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:33 PM FlagNo, OP's kids will be dropping dead from an early cardiac arrest or they simply won't be able to fit in the back seat of any car which I suppose is a kind of birth control. Hey, I signed up for the job. I take the job seriously. I am hard on OP because OP was my mother. A 189 lb weight loss and countless hard work later, I am NOT easy on parents who play with their child's health, self concept/esteem, opportunities, and even social life in such a way. I know what happens to the over catered/over indulged kids. They grow up to be fat unhappy adults and it's a lot harder to change things as an adult than it is for parents to man/woman up and do what's necessary. I see too many fat kids and too many kids who are thin now but eat atrociously and too many parents who say I can't do anything--bullsh*t. Also OP came in here looking for help for her kid's constipation ("because the miralax isn't working") not for solutions for the root cause, diet.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:38 PM Flag^ and too many parents who say I can't do anything--bullsh*t. Also OP came in here looking for help for her kid's constipation ("because the miralax isn't working") not for solutions for the root cause, diet.--signed OR.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:39 PM FlagOK, net police - first, to be clear, you're an NP, and I'm the OR who originally called out OP and is now defending her. Second, there is a difference between pointing something out firmly but constructively, and being an asshole. You are being an asshole and projecting your mommy issues. My mom fed me a steady diet of Entenmann's fudge golden cake and Ruffles. I didn't turn out obese, but mommy sure as hell didn't cater to me in other ways - it was just how she ate, and thus how we ate. You don't call someone looking for help abusive. FFS, lady, she's not coming here saying "my husband can't keep his dick out of our child, what should I do?"
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:48 PM FlagActually, I am the OR. The OR is an original responder. My initial response was to the OP(original poster). I would only be an np(next poster) if I was responding to your post. I was not. You responded to me. You are therefore the np to me. A few people responded to you. I then responded again maintaining my or status. In terms of my tone: OP did not come on here looking for help for her child's diet. Let's get that straight. She just wanted help getting her kid to poop. She feeds her kid junk and then to rectify the child's naturally occurring constipation, feeds the child a laxative...every day. That is abusive. It might not be sexual abuse but abuse is not generally extremes but composed of various shades of gray. There is no doctor that would okay the constant(daily) administering of a laxative to a child under the age of 5. People have "nicely" suggested changing the child's diet and the mother in her responses cops an attitude at the mere suggestion. So you were blessed genetically(growing up on a diet of fudge cake and ruffles). Many people judging by what I see and know are not. Those were also very different times. Surely you cannot be advocating that it's okay for modern parents to follow in your mother's footsteps.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:14 PM Flag-that would okay the constant(daily) administering of a laxative to a child under the age of 5. People have "nicely" suggested changing the child's diet and the mother in her responses cops an attitude at the mere suggestion. So you were blessed genetically(growing up on a diet of fudge cake and ruffles). Many people judging by what I see and know are not. Those were also very different times. Surely you cannot be advocating that it's okay for modern parents to follow in your mother's footsteps.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:15 PM FlagDid some of that 189lbs go to your brain? Seriously? I originally posted "ya think" and had the convo with OP. You're a johnny-come-lately responder. So don't confuse us. You're right about the laxative use, but you're going batshit crazy about OP to the point that it's obvious nothing she said about admitting to being too indulgent sunk in. And if I was cruel in that first sentence - think about how being called an abuser must be to OP. Deal with your own issues about your body before you're ready to call out the SWAT team over a lack of fiber. I don't follow in my mom's footsteps with my own kids. It doesn't mean I'm abusive, or she's deserving of being called abusive. It probably means that she, and OP, are somewhat lazy, probably exhausted, and don't have the need to make this happen, and now are going "oh crap."
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:19 PM FlagYou are so out of UB order and your ego is crowding my computer screen. NO ONE calls OR because they made the first post to the OP. The right to call OR is given to every person responding directly to the OP and the usage of the OR title is generally only hauled out during protracted responses such as this to distinguish the person that responded directly to the OP from those responding to the person who responded directly to the op. You would only be able to call yourself an OR rightfully when someone directly responded to your post. Don't try to project your own guilt for your dumb a$$ non helpful glib comment that was nothing but straight snark that you now feel bad about. Please. If you're going to make a snarky comment, own it. Now grow some.--signed O freaking R
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:20 PM Flag
Make sure you're doing enough miralax. It takes quite a bit.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:50 PM FlagLots of water/tea/liquids (milk is constipating, so you may cut back temporarily). See if she will eat fruit crisp. Switch to white whole wheat flour (whole foods carries this) and whole wheat pasta (more protein and fiber than the rice pasta suggested above). See if dips/Parmesan "fairy dust" makes veggies more appealing. Involve her in shopping and cooking to help with the food phobias. Last, we had much better luck with fiber gummies than Miralax. Good luck!
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:30 PM FlagWe have had this issue, as well. Try Benefiber, too (can't remember the amount--I believe a teaspoon in her milk; ask doc). NO cheese. Do the Plum Organic smoothie Prunes drink, or try giving her actual prunes--they are so sweet, my dc loves them. No bananas, no applesauce (essentially the opposite of the BRAT diet--no rice or toast either.) Give her as much water as she'll drink, and cut out the pasta if you can for now--too much can be a bad thing.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:36 PM Flagdon't screw around with prune juice, etc. this is happening because he's having too much milk at the exclusion of other things. it's ok. just get 100% soluble fiber powder at any mass retailer (walmart, walgreens, target, cvs, etc.) it'll be generic. put it into anything -- milk, juice, formula, tea, water. 3 tsp over a day should do it. then if she drinks a lot of milk, give her a tsp every day in her milk. she'll get over it someday when she stops drinks so much milk. it will be ok.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:51 PM FlagHow hold is she? If she doesn't want to poop on the potty and she holds it, it will become hard making it more difficult and more painful to go. Maybe she's just not ready to be trained or after having one or two painful experiences she just wants to hold it in. Can you talk to her about it? My ds has had a few bouts with constipation and talking helps. I explain that drinking lots of water makes his poop feel better and that letting his poop out feels good and is a relief (crazy, I know) but it works. No laxatives necessary.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:55 PM Flag
-
[+] Are things going to get worse if I tell DH that I have had enough and his parents are... 51 replies
- do on the weekend but can't because his parents are over and then give him an incredible bj...
- my home is always open (even to parents who stop by hungry), as is our wallet....he must lay down the law with his parents to stop their complaining. so emphasizing just how...a way btwn my not going to every single visit, letting them babysit now and then, and of...I'm asking because I'm Hispanic and my parents have no sense of boundaries whatsoever. They invite...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Are things going to get worse if I tell DH that I have had enough and his parents are no longer welcome in our home every weekend. He can take the kids to his parents or I will be out of the house.
51 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 07:00 AM Flag ]-
-
NP - I want some me time to do "x, y, z" so would it be ok if I went and did that while your parents are here hanging with you and DC?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:03 AM FlagI can do that. Since they just had a huge fight with me he will know exactly what it means and will try to talk me out of it.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:06 AM Flagor: tell dh every weekend is too much. also, that when they do come over, you can't be a captive host because there are errands to run. This is when you purr at him saying that there are so many things you'd like to do on the weekend but can't because his parents are over and then give him an incredible bj. problem solved.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:22 AM Flag
-
what do you mean would you be out of the house? That's your home too. If your in laws are being rude or a complete pain in the ass and intruding on what most families have as their ONLY time for relaxation (your weekends) then you have every right to speak to him about it and just come up with a compromise
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:01 AM FlagThey just had a huge fight with me/us last weekend. Nothing is good enough for them. Short of us giving in to how they want things doesn't seem to work. I don't want to see them. I would rather roam the streets.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:05 AM Flagyou shouldn't have to put up with disrespect in your own home regardless who they are. They can visit every other weekend but you tell your dh that when they're around, you will run errands and not be there
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:06 AM Flag^^ did your dh tell them something when they fought with you? If he didn't I wish these DH's would grow a pair of balls and stick up for their wives
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:08 AM FlagThey where attacking me. Dh tried but they where addressing me all of the time.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:12 AM Flag-
Verbally not physically. According to them they have been depressed for 2 years now because we are no longer as close as they thought we where. I set some boundaries 2 years ago..
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:15 AM Flag-
-
i think there are too many boundaries between families in this society. they're not strangers.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:24 AM FlagOP: my ILs would love you. You would have to call them every day for an hour to report every little thing that happened and get their ok on how to handle. Every time you make plans you would have to coordinate with them. Your and your dcs social lifes would be your ILs with a few exceptions. Etc etc. I can not live like that as a 40 yo woman.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:31 AM FlagJust being open and having dinner would not be acceptable. It isn't about your open house it is about you sharing every minor detail and letting them make/participate in every decision. If they are visiting and you are not spending that time reporting every piece of minutia in your live then you are hiding something and are not being open with them.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:33 AM Flag
can you elaborate on what they're complaining about? I'm sorry they were attacking you
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:18 AM FlagThere are too many complaints to list but the bottom line is that they want us to completley coordinate our lives with them. They want to be envolved in every tedious detail/decision. They feel our nanny is more part of the family than they are because she is more involved in the day to day stuff. Etc etc
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:22 AM Flagwell then it's too bad. They had their chance to raise their kids, if they don't understand that your family needs alone time, it's their issue not yours. The world cannot revolve around MIL. I feel for you. My dh set his mom straight when she was calling our home at 6am or maybe sometimes 10 times a day to complain to me about her other family members. He also set her straight about being demanding with his time (he would visit once a week), etc. It got better once he put his foot down
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:25 AM FlagAnd? "I'm sorry if you feel that being a grandparent means being involved in every aspect of our lives, but it isn't how we feel, it isn't practical and it isn't healthy. Some grandparents see their kids/grandkids once a year. We feel that we are all very lucky to be so close and see each other as often as we do, but we need time to ourselves. Again, I'm sorry you don't feel the same." (change subject)
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:30 AM FlagOp: the bottom line is that the way I see things and the way they see things are on a different sides of the spectrum. They can't accept it and are fighting, making nasty comments and doing everything short of actually letting us be. Every weekend is unpleasant. I can no longer take it but giving in to their demands is giving up myself and I just can not do it.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:42 AM FlagI don't see how any reasonable person could argue w/your unwillingness to put with it any longer. I know someone who put up with her inlaws until they died and she cannot get over it. She is still angry, resentful and depressed that she let them walk all over her AND missed out on her own life while catering to them.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:47 AM Flag
-
np: I know you'll think this is harsh, but it is exactly what I would do if my IL's ever thought they could talk to me like I was their under-aged child. I would laugh as though they were joking. If they said another word, I would roll my eyes and say, "Well, if you don't like it, you know where the door is!" Any further discussion would be met with incredulous laughter and motioning to my husband that he'd better handle his parents or they'll be leaving.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:19 AM FlagOP: I wish I was you. It would actually work better than being nice. I am not capable...
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:25 AM Flagnp: I was in the same boat and about a year ago I told dh that he would have to set the ILs straight or I would and things would get nasty. He has had many talks with them and things have very slowly gotten better with boundries but the relationship is icy. It's uncomfortable having the tension in the air but I'm glad I finally stuck up for myself. I felt like a doormat and it was depressing.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:29 PM Flag
-
That sounds like a lot (I'm assuming they stay over) and I get along with my IL's. Maybe try scaling it back - do every other weekend now and then maybe go down to one weekend a month? But yes, if he wants to see them so much, he can just take the kids to their place on the other weekends.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:02 AM FlagThey don't stay over. They live close by. They feel that the arrangement we have now is too scaled back and are fighting over it. I am pretty sure that scaling it back further isn't going to make it better for the relationship. If they where nice during visits it would be one thing but it is like a war zone.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:10 AM Flag
Just suggest that they alternate visits so they aren't there every weekend. You married into the family so you can't get rid of them
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:03 AM Flag-
No. Have DH take them for "time with grandma". She'll love it
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:14 AM FlagShe is nurotic and will see it as an insult that I didn't come but I can no longer take it.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:17 AM Flagso, it's either "insult" her or go batshit crazy, I vote "insult" her
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:44 AM Flagop: thanks for the laugh. you are right. she will go batshit crazy on me, but I think it is better than the other way around.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:29 AM FlagITA. My MIL had some boundary issues, though nothing at all like this, and we found a way btwn my not going to every single visit, letting them babysit now and then, and of course making time for them, too. If she can't handle you not being there every time, tough s&*% for her.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:14 AM Flag
-
Are they from a different culture? I'm asking because I'm Hispanic and my parents have no sense of boundaries whatsoever. They invite themselves to stay over for 2 months in my small NYC apartment because they live in another country. I know they mean well and don't understand how that can be an inconvenience for my dh and I. They are extremely dramatic and act as though I don't want them around, which is not the case. I know many cultures are like that. I totally understand how you feel, op.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:18 AM Flag
-
[+] Is it normal to constantly be reminding 9 & 1/2 year old girls to brush their teeth, ... 56 replies
- she already knows that means go do it. Please tell me how you suggest I "man up & parent"....
- My dds are the same way, they are 8 & 10. I have to remind every single day or they walk out the door with unbrushed hair and teeth. I'm at a loss. One time I was really sick and forgot...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Is it normal to constantly be reminding 9 & 1/2 year old girls to brush their teeth, put on glasses, wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? I am always micromanaging and I want them to be more responsible. The only thing I really do for them is make dinner. They usually make their own cereal, toast, lunch on weekends. What's the worst that can happen if I just drop it all? Well, my daughter will touch everything including food after pooping, and 2 of them had cavities.
56 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 05:18 AM Flag ]Depends on the kid, but I'd say it's normal. Would you feel differently if she were a boy? I think the expectations are higher for girls.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:21 AM Flag-
Nagging them? Are you out of your mind? Have you ever tried to get 3 kids under 9 up and ready for school and out the door on time? It would not happen without nagging. Yes you can let them fail and be late but then the bus leaves or they then make other kids late because the bus waited for them. Sorry but for most moms nagging and morning go together.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:32 AM FlagYes I am able to do that but you said micromanaging which is code for nagging-if they want to have bad breath and have kids make fun of them for their green teeth so be it....peer pressure works wonders ....and if they want to wear sandals in snow or red shoes with green socks who cares
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:41 AM FlagBad breath isn't the problem with not brushing your teeth, it's dental hygiene and it's not negotiable. Ditto handwashing after the bathroom. You can't control what they do at school or outside of your house, but I do think you've got to stay on them in the house, in restaurants, etc.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:04 AM Flag
Let me guess you're one of those moms with a full time nanny who arrives at 7:00am. You leave for your pilates, trainer or spin class while the nanny gets dcs off to school and deals with all the stress involved and then you try and tell other moms what to do?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:33 AM Flag
-
WHat happens if she doesn't do it? I have the same issue with cavities and handwashing.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:36 AM Flagthe washing hands and brushing teeth isn't negotiable. tell her that, and don't let her do anything until she's done those. really, these are training issues that you should have addressed much earlier so you can save your energy for the big stuff that comes now.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:45 AM Flag
OP: My mother was not very involved with us so I am all up in their business. I realized that I don't want to be a control freak so I am not all over everything they do anymore. I have let a lot of stuff go, a lot of stuff, but hand washing and teeth cleaning is not excessive! I don't want poop germs in my bread bag! I don't want my children to have painful teeth problems as adults.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:03 AM Flag
have extra set of toothbrushes and purell in the kitchen. Have a post it note on the door to the kitchen. Tell them to brush and wash before breakfast...
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:47 AM Flagstop with the purell, it doesn't help - it makes things worse. tell them to do as they're told. sheeesh. don't hide from the hard stuff. man up and be a parent.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:49 AM FlagOP: Umm, I tell them to brush their teeth. Often times I have to tell them again 10 minutes later. I ask one in particular if she washed her hands after using the restroom and 75% of the time, she hasn't...she already knows that means go do it. Please tell me how you suggest I "man up & parent".
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:07 AM FlagI don't think that's really what she's asking about. She wants to know when she can stop telling them to "do as their told" so they can do it themselves. Right?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:25 AM Flag-
Sure. But sometimes they don't do it, especially when they get to the age when they start doing things for themselves. I worked in a middle school for a period of time and almost NONE of the girls washed their hands in the bathroom. If they did, they rinsed the tip of their fingers and that was it. No soap. I'm sure their mothers told them to wash all throughout their young lives and set a routine.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:49 AM Flag-
-
If you want to raise irresponsible children who don't listen - sure. Otherwise stop the nagging. If you catch them 'forgetting' to do something run of the mill like brush teeth or wash hands, lose a privilege for a day. 2days next time. 3 the next time. No nagging, no reminding. Just set expectations.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:35 AM FlagSo, you are not going to ask them or you are going to ask them and then take a privilege? Sounds like nagging to me.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:48 AM FlagNo - my kids know they need to do basic things like wash their hands and brush their teeth - they've been doing it since 1YO. If I caught them forgetting, I'd tell them to go do it and if I caught them again, no ______ today. If I caught them again, they'd lose the privilege and I'd remind them why and that if it happened again, they'd lose it for 2-days... They wouldn't forget again because they know I am serious.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:52 AM Flag
I'm really surprised at these responses. What is the big deal about telling a CHILD "honey, don't forget to brush your teeth" or "please go brush your teeth now"? I remind my kids (10 and 6) every morning and every evening to brush their teeth and do a million other things (put on your coat, take off your shoes, put your hw in your bag, brush your hair etc.).
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:42 AM FlagMy dds are the same way, they are 8 & 10. I have to remind every single day or they walk out the door with unbrushed hair and teeth. I'm at a loss. One time I was really sick and forgot to remind them to shower and they both went at least five days without bathing. UGH
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:45 AM Flagmy ds is 12 and I still remind him. Not really about washing his hands after going to the bathroom (he's got the down) but definitely about brushing his teeth and other things. Boys are slobs though. He went to sleepaway camp and his toothpaste and soap seemed unused when he came home
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 11:02 AM Flag^^will add, it was a boys sleepaway camp and I think they were all slobs collectively. My DH says that once he starts being interested in girls, it will take care of itself. and I think that might be the case for girls too (once they are interested in boys, they will care more about grooming, not wanting to have bad breath or uncombed hair or whatever)
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 11:10 AM Flag
[+] Moms - what do you typically do with your DCs when you go to the bathroom? Bring the... 20 replies
- Keep the door open. DC is now 3 and is losing interest in accompanying me every single time....
- with me. I've worked with children for years and I know they can make up stories, and I do not want a parent accusing me of doing something inappropriate to their child....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Moms - what do you typically do with your DCs when you go to the bathroom? Bring them with you, keep the door open, confine them to crib or childproof room, or let them fend for themselves?
20 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 07:08 PM Flag ]-
OP: mine are infant and 3 - I don't really have a hard time with this issue but was reading the post about this situation with nannies and was wondering what moms do. I usually bring either the baby or the 3 year old in the bathroom with me because I figure baby is safe and happy in crib and DD is okay playing by herself for a minute or two... don't trust the two of them togethe though!!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:13 PM Flag
-
[+] Hijack from the post below, ds will be 3 in August and doesn't know his colors. Is th... 11 replies
- Oh come on, do you really think it's that important for your kid to be able to spout off every single color of the rainbow at age 2- I mean, for reasons other than Dalton admissions? Why not just let him enjoy childhood?...
- np: OK, "intrusive" is perhaps not the best word, but I know what she's getting at. These uptight parents who constantly correct their toddler's imperfect speech ("It is 'Daddy and I', Olivia, not 'Daddy and me', say it...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Hijack from the post below, ds will be 3 in August and doesn't know his colors. Is that normal?
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 05:30 PM Flag ]They see the colors. They appreciate the colors. Why is that not enough? They may not remember all the names for the colors and it is beyond intrusive to keep being asked to perform like a trained seal.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:34 PM FlagNp what is wrong with you people. How do you know what he knows?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:39 PM Flagnnp: well if the child is not colorblind (always good to get him checked for that if you are really worried OP), he is going to see and appreciate colors. What's the rush to have him name them all correctly? I don't get your "how do you know what he knows" comment I guess.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:43 PM Flag
-
Oh come on, do you really think it's that important for your kid to be able to spout off every single color of the rainbow at age 2- I mean, for reasons other than Dalton admissions? Why not just let him enjoy childhood? I wouldn't have phrased it quite like the OR but yeah, in a way it is kind of intrusive. No one likes being constantly quizzed. Just let him enjoy.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:46 PM FlagI watched a Dad ask his son what color something was. The DS said "Red?" obviously guessing. The dad said, "Come on you know it's not red, what color is it?" Kid tried green?, yellow? blue? etc. Both of them grew very frustrated. Just what is the POINT of such an exercise? What difference does it make and no the DC is not colorblind, why would that even be a thought in anyone's mind.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:58 PM Flag
np: OK, "intrusive" is perhaps not the best word, but I know what she's getting at. These uptight parents who constantly correct their toddler's imperfect speech ("It is 'Daddy and I', Olivia, not 'Daddy and me', say it with me, 'Daddy and I'.) and keep asking them to demonstrate their knowledge as reassurance that their dc is smart.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:39 PM Flag
I might have a warped perception of "normal," but IMO kids at that age (and every age) excel at some things and are often average or even a bit behind in others. All of which are normal. My dd is 2.4 and knows all her colors, but is behind verbally. Don't worry until there's something to worry about!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:00 PM Flag
[+] Have to vent. Every single night I get in a fight with my dc over homework. It is tru... 14 replies
- No more fighting, no more yelling. It's his responsibility. Let him face the consequences at school. Parents are WAY too involved in homework IMHO. It's not teaching DC to be responsible at all....
- me for a quick pee, but she doesn't need to see me change a tampon. I have worked for some crazy parents, and even the most overprotective has never had a problem with me doing this....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Have to vent. Every single night I get in a fight with my dc over homework. It is truly stressful. Any advice? He could have been done an hour ago but just makes excuse after excuse and gets up so many times I end up yelling. I can't do this anymore. Has anyone else btdt?
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 03:28 PM Flag ]Yes - and we stopped yelling. How old is your DC? In about third grade, we told her it was her responsibility, we would make a quiet place for her to do it, and help her if asked, but if she doesn't get it done, it's her problem (and said what good grades/bad grades lead to - types of jobs, choices, etc.) You know what, she started getting it done.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:31 PM FlagI have a boy and it's also third grade. Maybe that's the magic grade where this push back happens. I tell him to do it on his own and that I am here for any questions. It is just all the not so smart distractions. Thanks you made me feel better.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:36 PM FlagYes, 3d grade, I told my dc to do the homeowork on their own and then I'd correct and go over it with them, but I wanted them to make the initial effort. In exceptional cases, I'd help them understand the problem and get them started, and would usually be humbled by the fact that it took me, in my 40's, several minutes to also understand what the question was asking.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:52 PM Flag
Yes! DD is in 4th grade. We've set a time limit on homework (reasonable given the amount and the recommendation from her school) and after that, it's pencils down. She needs time to be a kid, to have free time, to shower and have family time. I think knowing that she has to finish it in a certain timeframe has helped. Also, we insist that she have an hour of free time after school before she starts her homework. She needs a break right after school. This has really helped us with the homework battles.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:36 PM Flagop again: Thank you. When you say pencils down does that mean if it's not done you send her to school with it incomplete? Good advice either way, bet that won't happen more than once.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:37 PM FlagYes, but that has never happened. If I really thought she was focused and committed to finishing, I wouldn't pull the plug. But my kid is the type who will spend 45 minutes trying to figure something out on her own before asking for help and then not finish. With the approach I've described, she can't get hung up on one thing. She has to either ask for help or move on to the next question and come back to the ones she stuck on.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:05 PM Flag
I make him give me push ups or sit ups if he is dilly dallying.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:42 PM FlagOh I am thankful for all this advice. Also happy to not feel like the only one. I dream of a life where wohm come home and homework is complete, dinner is over with, kids are in bed and their life is so much better. I know this isn't the case and I know that most of them do double duty. Just fantasizing about my ex-career and it's seeming very desirable.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:21 PM Flag
No more fighting, no more yelling. It's his responsibility. Let him face the consequences at school. Parents are WAY too involved in homework IMHO. It's not teaching DC to be responsible at all.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:40 PM FlagNanny here: it's crazy not to grant your nanny that little bit of privacy. I'll take a 2 year old in with me for a quick pee, but she doesn't need to see me change a tampon. I have worked for some crazy parents, and even the most overprotective has never had a problem with me doing this.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:48 PM Flag
[+] If you were single and poor but 30 years old, would you have a baby? 73 replies
- realize that right? The vast majority of poor single mothers are not able to offer their children...You don't think that the kids of single mothers face an incredible disadvantage using pretty much...scholarships and opportunities for less "fortunate" children, a parent must be willing to put their time into...
- i was a single parent at 23 - hardest thing i ever...you to school and develop your child. Most single moms in this country don't have the...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
If you were single and poor but 30 years old, would you have a baby?
73 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 03:09 PM Flag ]I did. Dc highly gifted. It's hard, I'm struggling but dc amazing.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:13 PM FlagI wouldn't on purpose. But, if I got pg by accident, I would keep it.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:14 PM Flagonly if I wanted to be 40 and single and poor with a 10 year old.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:14 PM Flagnot in a million years, in terms of planning to do it. so not fair to the child. if i found myself with an unplanned pregnancy, i guess it would be a different situation.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:20 PM FlagMy child is missing nothing except I can't afford private school but since he is gifted the school he attends is as good or better than private schools. I teach him piano, my brother taught him guitar, he speaks two languages, what's he missing again? A bigger apartment?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:24 PM FlagThen you are the exception. You realize that right? The vast majority of poor single mothers are not able to offer their children the home they deserve. Statistically, a poor single mom's children start life at a great disadvantage.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:33 PM FlagI must completely disagree. I live on an extremely low income of 9000$ per year, living in housing. I'm just being the best parent I can be. I do have a college degree just can't find any work paying me based on my knowledge so I take whatever jobs I can but work part time to be my son's main teacher. I grew up in a communist country where people get educated for the fun of it not for the money in it. It ends up I don't care much for the money either...I don't care to own anyone or anything. Just a different way of living...
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:37 PM FlagYou completely disagree that you are a statistical anomaly? You don't think that the kids of single mothers face an incredible disadvantage using pretty much any educational/health/achievement outcome that you care to look at? Do you live on Mars? These are facts, you can't simply disagree and then ramble on about growing up in a communist country.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:39 PM FlagFine, but still think its up to the parents, isn't it? If I can do it, why can't others? Actually, there are other parents like me out there except they're Chinese or Mexican. Everyone wants their child to do well and try to do their best, ultimately it is not about pumping money into a child. It's about teaching them right from wrong and that anyone can do. There are so many scholarships and opportunities for less "fortunate" children, a parent must be willing to put their time into it.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:45 PM FlagWith all due respect, you are completely discounting the strong educational base you've acquired in that communist country. You might've immigrated with no physical possessions, but you came with the tools that enabled you to advance. This same base allows you to school and develop your child. Most single moms in this country don't have the same luxury.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:08 PM Flag
-
I responded above and was responding to the age and not financial status. I knew I wanted to be a mother but at 30 wasn't worried about missing my fertility window before finding a partner. At 40, I would have been. This and not $ would have motivated my decision, though $ would have impacted having more than one
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:28 PM Flag
I think so (we'll never know, I can't go back), unless I was literally starving on the street. I'm pretty sure my family would have helped me find a way to raise DC.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:29 PM FlagI was single and poor at 30. I then excelled in my career and was making a great income. I worked 60+ hours a week, met a great guy and didn't have dc to mid 40's. Some times I think I would have rather begun earlier and been able to have more children. It's a tradeoff.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:30 PM FlagI did. My child is perfectly happy living off of more responsible people than myself (thanks taxpayers!)
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:36 PM FlagNo. I think it would be fine to be single and adopt a baby. In that case, there is already a child on earth who needs a home. I don't think it's fair to bring a child into the world without two committed parents though. After the child is here, there are no guarantees of course. One parent could take off. But I think the biggest gift you can give a child is a good start--two parents who want them here and are 100% devoted to bringing them up.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:38 PM FlagI'd give myself a two years to focus on finding a good husband. Then reconsider.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:44 PM FlagYou are only 30! you still have some time. Work on improving your financial situation.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:46 PM Flagnope, not me - but I never had that MOMMY urge like so many women seem to have. I have children, but if I was not married, then I would not have had them.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:17 PM FlagWhat about fostering or adopting through the state? I have a friend who is poor and she has three adopted children. They work with you (sometimes you get a stipend), insurance is covered and college is too (at least in CT) Her kids get free lunch as well. She said they told her that they would rather assist someone who wants to care for a child but has no money than have a child go w/out a loving home.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:44 PM FlagOP: This is actually the case. I am trying to decide whether to foster a specific child (which could turn into long term or adoption). I don't think that I could give the child as much as some other families that could afford much more or have more time to spend at home with her. I also wonder about what I would be giving up for myself. I would probably be giving up the opportunity to go back to school, take career risks, dive full force into a new career and really prove myself, have time and freedom to meet someone, fall in love, and start a family with a partner.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:58 PM Flag
What's poor? Do you have an education, a profession? And I'm not talking Big Law, necessarily. If you can make a good living as a hairdresser or cop, that counts too. Another poster is right -a lot can happen between 30-35-and she's right.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:08 PM Flagi was a single parent at 23 - hardest thing i ever did and the father and his parents (and my parents) were all around to support me. i love my ds but honestly i would have never chosen this life. at 30 maybe you have more experiences than i did (and wanted to) at 23. good luck.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:48 PM FlagThis is the dumbest post ever. Why would anyone in that situation CHOOSE to have a child? So irresponsible.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:53 AM Flag
[+] My husband and I are both attractive and dc not so good-looking. It is really embarra... 24 replies
- us. We are very average and my dc is very attractive and I had a parent comment on how surprised they were about it. She didn't even get that it...
- The 'true for us' post was me responding to the 'entirely ordinary parents' and somehow it ended up other this other post....
- for the ignorant: she's one of those brown skinned people. For you to single this child out of the other adopted and biological children of Jolie and Pitt as...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
My husband and I are both attractive and dc not so good-looking. It is really embarrassing for us at family summer parties. Getting to point we want to have dc make other plans. Any way to bring her up to par? Strange how this gene did not get passed on to dc.
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 01:42 PM Flag ]-
-
Actually, it's more like: my husband and I are are entirely ordinary and *very* far from extremely attractive, and dc (14)is just so beautiful. How did this happen? Genetics are inexplicable at times
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:47 PM Flag-
-
-
Okay...let me tell you why your comment was an inappropriate, racially motivated, example of your own ignorance. 1) Zahara is adopted, this means that there is zero genetic relationship between she and her adoptive parents. Zero genetic relationship means zero opportunity of passing along anything other than the common cold, okay? 2) she is actually very pretty for what she is: a child. Her features roughly meet both the Fibonnaci sequence and pi standard for beauty symmetry. Zahara is Ethiopian or for the ignorant: she's one of those brown skinned people. For you to single this child out of the other adopted and biological children of Jolie and Pitt as being "the ugly one" says that it's more likely that you come from a European biased standard of beauty more than anything being wrong with the specific child in question. In truth, both scientifically and culturally, beauty is diversity. Now, you are dismissed.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:06 PM Flag
-
same here. we are thinking about a possible switch at the hoispital. LOL.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:54 PM FlagIt's such an easy fix you're actually really lucky. I found a surgeon who agreed to perform rhinoplasty, cheek and chin implants on my 6 yo dd. Then I had her hair chemically straightened and highlighted. I had Soul Cycle make her a bike her size so she can spin for 2 hours a day. Definitely don't want her pretty new self getting chunky.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:58 PM Flag
-
-
[+] As a mom of color, I feel as though divorce is either not an option for me or only in... 33 replies
- It's related to the reason why many african american single women refuse to marry outside of the community. This idea...the subject? There is notoriously an invisible wall between single and married women regardless of color. Of those friends how...be the best in order to provide the ideal--two parent family. Now...or become involved because of the vitriol directed at single mothers and especially those who can't say they...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
As a mom of color, I feel as though divorce is either not an option for me or only in the most severe circumstances. Meaning I can't wake up one day and decide dh and myself are no longer "good" together or we've grown apart. Divorce is only an option in the case of severe abuse or infidelity(and for some W.O.C. I know, not even then). Part of this is because of the statistics surrounding marriage and women of color. Marriage has become a status symbol among many women of color, one of the things that distinguishes you from the lower classes. Thoughts from the peanut gallery?
33 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 12:19 PM Flag ]this peanut thinks you re (1) a writer or (2) a student or (3) just bored
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:21 PM Flagop: I am 1 & 2. Now how does that preclude me from being a mom, someone of color, and married? lol. Not bored, but just thinking about all of the divorce posts that end up on the board.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:25 PM FlagOK you're just being trollish. are you considering divorce? if not, then you're stirring up trouble. if you are considering divorce, you can certainly make decisions the same way as any white person. if you disagree, that's something you;re putting on yourself.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:28 PM Flag
-
I'm not trolling. I was actually bringing up a legitimate concern for me as an african american wife and mother. Perhaps I should have been more specific. After all the statistical concerns are not the same for other groups-Asian, Hispanic, etc. Yet the women in those groups are of course women of color. I guess I kind of used it as a politically correct shorthand of sorts.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:28 PM FlagI don't agree with you. Half of my AA friends are married and the other half is happy and successful without marriage. I do not view marriage as a status symbol and neither do my friends. Perhaps this is a class thing among you and your friends but I don't notice this among my peers. Signed AA mom who is in an AA sorority and graduated from a HBCU.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:36 PM FlagYou don't have to agree with me. We do have similar backgrounds. I will say that. However let's bring the entire house down, shall we? You said that half of your friends are married and the other half happy and successful without marriage. I am not disputing any of that. However of the half that are happy and successful without marriage--do they want to marry? Have you ever truly been on the inside of their conversations regarding the subject? There is notoriously an invisible wall between single and married women regardless of color. Of those friends how many are divorced for reasons other than the obvious: infidelity or abuse,etc.? From your response I take it that you're married so this would mean that you have an entirely different perspective. Of the married ones--how many are happily married? How many are considering or would consider divorce? It is airing a bit of dirty laundry and there is a knee jerk desire to defend and protect, but it is an anonymous women's board and this is an issue of intersectionality where gender and culture/race meet.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:00 PM Flag
i think YOUR marriage is a status symbol for YOU to look down on people. Don't make this a mom of color thing. This is about your need for superiority. signed, mom of color.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:22 PM FlagWell, I've talked with other African American moms and its not that divorce doesn't happen but there is a certain issue going on there, one that might not readily be recognized by those outside of the community or who've married outside of the community. It's related to the reason why many african american single women refuse to marry outside of the community. This idea of the black family as next to holiness, and coupled with a college education as symbolizing that you "made it" It becomes one of the places where women's issues/womanhood and race matters intersect...unfortunately.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:34 PM FlagYou sound like you are writing a college paper, and I am inside the community and very educated. No one thinks/talks like this. We are all living our lives, like every other mother. Who has time to analyze the black family when you are working, making a home, being a wife and mother to one every day? I think this is fake.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:37 PM Flagop: No one in the black community has time to think? Do you really want to go on record as saying that? Lol. Not fake. I am a writer(even "formally" trained---ha![laughing at myself]) so even in relaying my thoughts, there is going to be a certain format that I am simply unable to move away from...well I could, but why? Many people think and talk like this...and they still find time to make a home, be a wife, and mother. The fact that you question the possibility says that Womanism and feminism have a long way to go, lol. Think about it, I'm not chatting you up about this at the grocery store or after a PTA meeting. This is an anonymous board where things can be hashed over a bit more than in the normal confusion of day to day living. We probably know one another or know of one another and you'd never know I was thinking this.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:07 PM Flag
-
I'm AA. I faced an unplanned pregnancy and tried everything including therapy to provide a stable two parent home for dd. Ultimately I broke off my engagement. Every once in a while I would encounter someone who was shocked that I did not marry dd's father because he is (a) white (b) wealthy (c) dd's father. He was also cruel, controlling and abusive. I realized that by remaining with him I was not the joyful, successful, wonderful mom to my dd that I knew I should be and am now. I was constantly scared, depressed and intimidated. I may not be married to her father however I provide a warm, loving, enriching home for her filled with joy and peace. Go ahead and look down on me.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:34 PM FlagGreat answer. It would never occur to me to look at this as a race issue (I am white).
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:44 PM Flaguh, so, what made you shack up with the dude? some things just don't make no sense.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:56 PM FlagActually it makes perfect sense, you're just drawing conclusions without assessing the underlining circumstances. Long story however we dated in graduate school however did not live together. We got engaged and moved in together after dd was born. I mentioned above that the pregnancy was not planned. The abuse did NOT manifest until AFTER we moved in together. There is a reason why many people advise couples to live together before marriage. Both he and his father wonderfully endearing men in public yet controlling and abusive in private towards the women in their lives. So to answer your question: "I shacked up with the dude" because he we were engaged and had a child together and were planning a life together. And prior to moving in together he would not threaten me, call me derogatory names in front of dd or throw objects across the room!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:04 PM Flag
op: I AM NOT LOOKING down on you, my dear(and I mean that as a term of endearment). The issues you pose are the germ of what I am posting about AND WHY I posted! YES! For people to come in here and act like I'm off my rocker while you post this scenario says that someone is lying or protecting and I don't think it's either of us. In the community there is a very real influence that women should marry men who are not up to par and STAY with men who might not be the best in order to provide the ideal--two parent family. Now...it's usually even more heightened for those who married within the community(the entire black family ideal) but its there for black women period. You stay because a two parent home is some sort of luxury, especially for black children...how dare you deny your children. You stay or become involved because of the vitriol directed at single mothers and especially those who can't say they were ever married to the father...which since one cannot walk around with a sign telling of your post divorce state, works out to being an issue for all women with children sans a ring. I understand and I'm not looking down.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:15 PM Flag
A lot of AA women put up with bullshit just to say that they're married. I have no problems being single.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:03 PM Flagop: I know. I know. I am slowly dismantling this for myself and trying to communicate it to my younger sister who seems hell bent on rushing into things just to be able to wear the ring. Because you know the media/pop culture says black women are in dire straits and if we don't grab whatever is "available" then we'll die alone and being alone as a woman is just awful--not my beliefs by the way. I've realized that we hide it behind race but really it comes down to another side of a women's issue--control and a denial of self agency. In a world where marriage even in our society is still about an unequal balance of power, divorce does become one of those landscapes where gender issues present.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:20 PM Flag
[+] At the risk of being flamed, I am a pretty vain person. And this is what is stopping ... 55 replies
- it's probably all genetics. what do your parents/grandparents look like?...
- critical. If she could change her personality, all the negative attributes associated with it would go away. This isn't a single issue, but a symptom of a larger issue. Can't fix one and not all of it....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
At the risk of being flamed, I am a pretty vain person. And this is what is stopping me from getting pregnant a third time. It is not necessarily about being skinny per se. I am thin and I don't THINK I will get "fat"-but maybe I will be a lot wider, have more cellulite, etc (stuff I can't control like I would with weight). Is being a blob inevitable with 3 kids? Is there anything I can do to mitigate this in pregnancy? With first 2 dc, I was SO SICK (hospital sick) from m/s throughout my pg so when I did have appetite, I overate. I never moved because I felt so ill all the time
55 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 10:18 AM Flag ]-
weight does. and the weight you put on in pregnancy can often lead tp cellulite
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:19 AM Flagneither do. genetics cause cellulite. not much you can do about it either.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:20 AM Flagwell my cellulite magically appeared after I gained 45 lbs with #2
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:21 AM Flagit was always there, trust me. also, you are getting older.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:22 AM Flag-
i know, but aging will cause skin to sag more and cellulite to show more. if you exercise throughout pregnancy that could help but there really isn't much you can do about cellulite, sadly. i was in my 20s and so skinny and i still had cellulite. working out (i do pilates) helps somewhat.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:25 AM Flag
-
It sounds like you have some issues in general. Maybe a third pg isn't a good idea because of them.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:20 AM Flagit's probably all genetics. what do your parents/grandparents look like?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:21 AM Flagugh. I am a size 0 but my mom, HER mom and her Mom were all very obese. They began to put on pounds with age. They were also pretty thin in younger years
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:22 AM Flagwhat about dad's mom. maybe you take after his side of family?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:24 AM Flag^^^I think this is why I am obsessed with my looks btw. My mom, grandmother, etc were all pretty thin and very beautiful and it all went downhill with age and having 4+ kids
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:24 AM FlagSo what happens if you're not satisfied with your looks after db? My mother obsessed over food and appearance. It's not easy being her daughter. Not saying don't have a db, not have a gameplan to deal with what may be insecurities. Therapy or whatever.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:28 AM Flag-
Then seriously, get some help dealing with it before you have more kids. My mother still obsesses and she's almost 70.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:33 AM Flagrelax, it gives her something to do. My mom is bored out of her mind and just eats.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:44 AM FlagIt's actually a huge problem with her. She still starves herself and can be really insulting if her kids aren't up to her standards. There are plenty of other healthy things to do.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:48 AM Flaghe problem is that she's a perfectionist and critical. Has nothing to do with weight.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:52 AM FlagTrue, but the manifestation of it wasn't helpful to her kids growing up. That's why I advocate getting help with obsessive vanity.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:56 AM Flagbut it's her personality to expect perfection, nitpick, and be critical. If she could change her personality, all the negative attributes associated with it would go away. This isn't a single issue, but a symptom of a larger issue. Can't fix one and not all of it.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:10 AM Flag
-
Do you want another child? That's the key. The other stuff is only temporary. No, "being a blob" is not inevitable with three kids. I know Moms of four kids who are in amazing shape. The key is if you really want another baby/toddler/child/teen and the responsibility that goes along with that. And if you have the patience to handle them (or the money to outsource).
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:21 AM FlagI have the financial means and I really do want another child. I don't feel like my family is complete yet.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:23 AM Flagnp. Do it. If you're thin after 2 children then you'll be able to keep off the weight after 3. And if there is something genetic to getting heavier with age that's about aging not # of children. Even then don't let it worry you. Women generally were not as athletic and fit back then.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:42 AM Flag
Either you want a kid or don't. Just make up your mind and move on. PS - you sound like someone who should not have another.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:32 AM Flagright. bc women are are concerned with their appearance make awful mothers. only fat, lazy women are good moms. whatever.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:34 AM FlagThere's a difference between mindfulness and obsessive vanity. Huge difference.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:39 AM Flag
If it is important to you and you are thin now, 1 more pg won't change that. You will have less time to work out etc., but after 3dc I am the same size as I was before dc. I had vericose vein issues and I have had them treated and the vein surgeon did say that typically the 3rd time is the charm in terms of vein damage (if you are genetically predisposed to it), but that being said they can be treated and it isn't too expensive so not a reason not to do it.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:19 AM Flag
-
[+] I don't know what to do about my ILs. MIL asked what we were doing for Easter (I'm Je... 70 replies
- it sounds like Easter has been an issue every single year. OP should bend over backwards to be accomodating...easily could have said, let's not -- your parents may want to do something....
- if dh doesn't want to see his parents, she is probably even less likely to want to...himself said he prefered to not see his parents that day. What is OP going to do,...'t want to spend the holidays with his parents? Then what? SHe should override him?...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
I don't know what to do about my ILs. MIL asked what we were doing for Easter (I'm Jewish, btw). I said that we were going to a basketball game with friends. She said, "Great. I wasn't up for having a big lunch and guests over. We'll either do something small and you guys can drop in or not, if you have time, or FIL and I will go out to the beach house." Later that night, she leaves a message saying that they changed their minds and FIL wants to host a big lunch on Sunday and she was wondering if we were going to attend or go to the game. I told her that we were still planning on the game (we'd purchased the tickets weeks ago), she said ok and asked if we wanted to leave the kids with them and attend the game alone. I said no, we were taking the kids as well. She said fine. On Saturday, FIL leaves a message for DH and asks if we had time to drop off the DCs before going to the game. DH calls back on Sunday and says yes, but by the time we contact anyone it's too late. FIL said, "If I had known that you were going to the game and not coming over, I never would have agreed throwing an Easter brunch. I do not want all of these people in the house and would have preferred a long beach weekend." DH explains that I told MIL that we were going to the game on Tuesday. FIL says, "No one ever told me." Then, MIL and I had planned for the DCs to come over today. She was going to take them to lunch and a movie; well it's nearly 12:30pm and I haven't heard from her. I've called her and no answer. I just don't get DH's family. Every get-together is a mess because they are terrible communicators.
70 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 09:22 AM Flag ]you think she's angry with you and that's why she hasn't shown up?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:25 AM FlagYes, this is how she gets when things don't go her way. She's incredibly passive aggressive. She can never speak up for what she wants, instead she drops hints and asks the same question a million times, then tells you everything is ok when it's not. I'm tired of the guessing game. Also, nothing every makes sense with them. First she says that she's not up going to host Easter, then she decides that she is, asks again if we're coming even though I already told her we have plans, then doesn't tell FIL that we're not coming so FIL is confused as to why we are not there. And yes, I'm certain that she's upset and I'm going to receive a lecture when I see her next. This has happened in the past.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:31 AM Flagif you're going to get a lecture, she's not passive aggresive. she is telling you what she wants.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:36 AM FlagWell, when I mean lecture, I mean something along the lines of this, "So....how was the game? Oh, that's great. It was pretty boring here. Not much fun when the grandkids aren't around. FIL and I got into an argument. He's such a grump. I hate having his family over for the holidays but he always insists that we do something. Everyone does depend on us. The only thing that makes it all tolerable is having the children around. He was really hoping to see the children....oh well....maybe next year...."
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:42 AM Flag
lecture her for standing up your kids. tell her they were dressed and ready and devastated when she didn't show up. tell her you are not comfortable making plans with her in the future, bc they always get changed around or disregarded and it is too difficult on your kids. hit her over the head with jewish guilt so she knows who she's dealing with. don't indulge her passive-aggressive nonsense!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:38 AM FlagI feel terrible. My DCs keep asking why we aren't going to Grandmas yet and I just told them that she has a cold and needs some rest. I'm taking them out instead, but I'll give her until 1pm to call.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:44 AM Flagyou have annoying ILs, sorry. that is probably why your dh made plans to go to a game on easter and avoid all this crap! and now he is at work and away from his mom not showing up.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:46 AM FlagThat's what he told me. When he told me about FIL's message from Saturday night, I told him, "I'll go to Easter brunch with the youngest and you take our eldest." DH was very agitated (he gets very agitated and anxious when dealing with his family) and said no. I left it alone because DH seemed on the verge of getting angry.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:53 AM Flagoh, come on. it's not like you can foist all of this on dh. when he said, how about we go to a basketball game on easter sunday, you easily could have said, let's not -- your parents may want to do something.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:01 AM Flagif dh doesn't want to see his parents, she is probably even less likely to want to see them.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:03 AM FlagYou're not reading everything in the post. DH bought the tickets and told me about it later. It was later when I realized that it was Easter Sunday. I told him, but considering his family history concerning the holiday, it was deemed perfectly acceptable. As I stated, FIL frequently goes out of town to attend golf events on Easter Sunday and MIL is always happy because it gives her a break. I think it's odd, but DH insists this is how his family functions.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:04 AM Flagok, but you know in reality that it's NOT how they really function and that they DO want to see the kids around the holidays, which shouldn't be a mystery. just agree with DH that, going forward, you won't plan anything on either of your major holidays and if it ends up being a day home with your family, that's fine.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:12 AM Flag
It seems like they really wanted to spend time with your family and if not that at least the kids on a major holiday. You insisted on going to a basketball game instead. shame on you.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:29 AM Flagwhat? she spent the holiday with her family and made it clear to ILs what her plans were. she doesn't even celebrate easter and presumably her Ils know this.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:32 AM Flagthe kids' grandparents asked several times if they could see the kids on easter. she chose to go to a basketball game instead. that is horrible.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:37 AM Flagno it's not. they obviously didn't ask until she had already bought tickets, so they weren't that concerned. and plenty of families make accommodations to celebrate holidays with mom and dad's families on different days. so they made plans to celebrate today, and MIL didn't show. THAT is horrible. she took her anger out on her grandkids? that is SICK.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:41 AM Flag
What???? First of all did you pick up on the fact that OP is Jewish? Second of all, OP said she offered to take one of the kids over and have just her DH go to the game with the other kid and DH said no they should all go to the game. DH himself said he prefered to not see his parents that day. What is OP going to do, insist that they go regardless? SHE'S JEWISH.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:06 AM Flag
why did you think it was more important to go to a basketball game then to let your kids spend time on easter with their grandparents who obviously really wanted to see them?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:30 AM FlagAre you raising the children Jewish? What typically has happened on past Easters?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:31 AM FlagWe've only had 5 Easters with DCs and they've gone as follows: 1) MIL was not up for hosting and canceled last minute. We later met up that night for dessert at a diner. 2)MIL & FIL flew out to SIL's new house. 3)MIL & FIL @ SIL's house again. 4) MIL decided last minute (Friday night) that she was going to host at their beach house. We had to decline due to the drive/work issue. 5) 2012 - see above. We are raising the children Jewish, but we take the DCs to their house for Christmas - even though we do not celebrate it at home. I'd have no problem taking them to their house for Easter, but this year DH made plans for the basketball game, so we did that instead.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:39 AM Flag
why would you make plans to go to a basketball game on easter sunday if your in laws celebrate the holiday? wouldn't you assume they'd likely want to host a holiday meal?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:41 AM Flagthis. it sounds like Easter has been an issue every single year. OP should bend over backwards to be accomodating, not make other plans!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:46 AM FlagMIL has only hosted Easter once in the 8 years that we've been married. MIL is not the domestic type. She is the first to joke that she only serves food that comes out of her toaster oven. She gets very stressed at the thought of hosting a holiday event, but she says that FIL insists that they do it. ILs are also not religious nor holiday observant people. They host parties often, but national/religious holidays are not more important than other days. In years past, FIL has often traveled out-of-state on Easter weekend to attend golf events and MIL relaxes at home. DH was the one who bought the tickets, weeks ago, and was excited to take his DS's to their first NBA game.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:49 AM Flag
I feel bad for MIL and FIL. Seems like they wanted to see the DCs on easter and got ditched for a basketball game.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:51 AM FlagI think you should discuss this with your husband and address it openly with the in-laws. Start out with "Sorry we were unable to attend your Easter brunch, we had these plans, etc. . . was there a reason you didn't show up on Monday to take DCs to lunch and a movie, as we had planned? What can we do in the future so that we don't have these miscommunications, etc.?"
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:52 AM FlagMy DH is jewish, and though I'm not jewish and neither are DCs, I would never dream of buying tickets to a basketball game on the first night of hannauka (still don't know how to spell it!). We don't always go to MILs house, but it would be thoughtless to foreclose the option.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:54 AM FlagI am grossed out by these responses. OP, your inlaws sound annoying as fuck. Everyone on here is acting like they spend Easter Sunday in deep prayer with all family members around them all day and it's the most family-oriented, important holiday of the year. You are NOT in the wrong here. I am pretty convinced that there is one grandma on here (maybe your MIL) who is bashing you. I'm pretty sure it's one person because honestly, who doesn't know that you have to click on the post to read the whole thing in a long post? And at least three people have been like "this story makes no sense!" because they didn't read it... and I know there can't be three UBers this stupid online right now.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:11 AM Flagi am amazed by the people who think that op shouldn't go to a game on easter. some people who were raised xtian didn't really do much for easter. obviously op's husband felt that a game was appropriate, and it sounds as if op's FIL didn't really want to do anything anyway. MIL is passive aggressive and seems to be the only one for whom Easter is a big deal. it's ridiculous to say that it's important to spend family time on Easter and not the next day. Family time isn't an only-on-holidays-thing, or a holidays-or-else thing.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:19 AM Flag
[+] Any other couples here on UB into swinging, group sex or other alternative lifestyles... 38 replies
- key parties blew my mind when I found out my parents generation did stuff like that. Imagine Carol and Greg Brady...'s always like the Twilight Zone to find out your parents can be human, or into sex. Victorian porn and erotica...: I found a copy of The Pearl in my parents' bookshelf when I was home sick in high school. Needlessto...a completely separate, secret "alternative lifestyle," hooking hook up with singles and couples with his roster of "girlfriends." He found...
Talk : : April 08, 2012
Any other couples here on UB into swinging, group sex or other alternative lifestyles?
38 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.08.12, 03:52 PM Flag ]-
Those sixties and seventies key parties blew my mind when I found out my parents generation did stuff like that. Imagine Carol and Greg Brady kissing the kids goodnight "Ok kids, we're going to a party." So, it was THAT kind of party you went to, huh? It's always like the Twilight Zone to find out your parents can be human, or into sex. Victorian porn and erotica like "The Pearl" shocks the hell out of me. The graffiti on the walls of the brothels of Pompeii shock the hell out of me too. Everyone gets freaky. I mean maybe this is why the bible is so angry towards sex. Everyone was having wild sex orgies and the person who wrote it just wanted a little peace and a little less sex and angrily wrote mean things about the sexifiers... no, that couldn't be it. I digress.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 04:03 PM FlagI thought I was the only one with a secret copy of 'the Pearl.' Next thing you tell me, everyone had a copy of Scruples and Princess Daisy.:)
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 04:26 PM Flag-
I found my copy on a turning rack at the local public library. I mean children probably could have found it. Incidently, much of those stories I have to skip because of incest and age inappropriateness. But hearing about school age boys frig themselves in 1880's England, they should humanize these people and teach that in schools. I also accidently downloaded "My Secret Life" to my phone so I used to read through that during a lull in class. It's so dirty, yet looks so bookish, words on a page.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:09 PM Flag-
-
-
-
had a vacation at hedonism years and years ago, that was the only time - once was enough for us
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 04:31 PM Flag-
I think those practices are fun in soft porn or to "pretend" with DH while doing sex. I have always feel it is a muddy territory and I will not feel good about it. DH and I had talk about it and agreed on this, we keep it on fantasy land.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 04:39 PM FlagI know couples who are into this and openly share their escapades. What I do know is that the women involve are not the 'type' you would ever, ever think would do these things. It just goes to show that you never know people. What both women have in common is that they have been bi-sexual in the past so I wonder if that is the common link. I mean, I'm open about sex but honestly would never have group sex or sex with a women. Just not my thing.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 04:48 PM Flag
DH and I have been talking about it a lot for the past year and very much want to swap with another couple. We've tried to drop hints with other couples, but it usually just ends in nervous laughter. After some intense screening, we tried one Craigslist date. Attraction just wasn't there. Everyone says they are "fit" and "attractive," yet really not that way in person. Any ideas where to meet other couples at a bar that's not a sex place? Any ideas on how to drop hints that are interpreted as more than just playful flirting?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 04:44 PM FlagMy ex-husband would be a great source for you. He led a completely separate, secret "alternative lifestyle," hooking hook up with singles and couples with his roster of "girlfriends." He found partners online at alt.com, adult friendfinder, craigslist of course and I guess IRL by mentioning casual things in conversation and seeing where it led. Ugh, just glad I didn't catch any STDs from him.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:32 PM Flagyou. are. very. lucky. SERIOUSLY. I am so sorry... My ex cheated on me with at least two women and I got HPV. I'll never forget the moment when my HPV test came back positive and my doctor said "are you in a monogamous marriage?" I started to cry right there with feet in stirrups because I knew I wasn't. I just didn't have the proof yet. I hope you are in a better place. I am in a lonely place now. Better. But not happier.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:38 PM Flag
-
[+] To all you really successful people: How did you know what you wanted to do with your... 48 replies
- Er, I'm single and embarrassed to say that I'm in my...'s income. Anyway, I try to encourage that parent to pick it up again and find a...if I can so easily. Basically, is my parent correct, successful people?...
- college. Second? 2As, a B, and an F!! Parents wouldn't fund my downward spiral lifestyle. Went...be careful. Dealing with a difficult or struggling parent is hard. And when you're both grieving...
Talk : : April 08, 2012
To all you really successful people: How did you know what you wanted to do with your career? How did you get into it? Some people just always know, then others kind of luck into it. Did you always know that you wanted to do what you're currently doing career wise? Was it damn hard to decide? Have you ever felt lost, ever?
48 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.08.12, 01:37 PM Flag ]Op: are you married or are you a 20-something starting out?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 01:38 PM FlagEr, I'm single and embarrassed to say that I'm in my mid to late twenties but in the midst of a career change because what I thought I wanted to do as a 19 year old isn't what I want to do as an adult.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 01:40 PM Flag-
I am not unemployed. I just don't like my current job and want a more fufilling career.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:01 PM FlagAssuming you have to earn money, I'd avoid graduate school and even most certification programs. Only worth it if you have good reason to believe it will get you a particular job. And caveat emptor. Don't believe the school or program's PR. Talk to grads, check into what they're doing, who paid for their degrees, what they earn etc....
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:11 PM Flag-
-
Some jobs absolutely mandate it. Like Librarian Science. I mean if it's superfluous thing, sure, but sometimes it's not just extra nothingness. Sometimes you really can't do a certain job without that grad degree.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:46 PM FlagIf you want to be a librarian, and have some reason beyond, say NYU's, PR about its wonderful program, to believe you'll get a job that makes the tuition and opportunity cost worthwhile, by all means go for it. CPA, MBA, MSW, etc... may make sense. An advanced degree in many other may not be worth it. And certificates--like those in design--rarely are. The point is to consider the costs. In spite of the drumbeat about all the good jobs requiring education, it's not smart to assume the advanced degree will get you anywhere.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:33 PM Flag
-
-
Do you think your job has to be fulfilling, in an almost spiritual sense? Do you think a job is who you are as a person? I think many of the non-broke are plagued by the notion they should have a "passion." Don't worry too much about the color of your parachute. If you have a degree, focus on a job you can get. If you have family or alum connections, start there. If uncle so and so can get you in the door at an insurance company, that's what youre dying to learn about. Once you're in, focus on getting really good at work your given and ask for more. If nothing is happening after a while, focus on getting another job, one that pays more, has more opportunity for promotion or suits your other needs. Keep going.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 01:52 PM FlagSo chase the money is your way, huh? I mean, that is understandable. Money is vital. I'm really not trying to be snarly, but to me that seems like making the most of whatever you can. It's like taking whatever life gives you and trying to excel at that. I just wanted to do something different. Like Frank Sinatra "I did it my way!" I guess that's silly?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:06 PM FlagNot silly. Just tough if don't know what you want, and have to pay bills. Money buys freedom to pursue interests that don't pay--or are tough to make pay without either living in poverty, of having someone who'll subsidize you while you get started. Being politically active, maintaining relationships, making stuff (crafting, fine art, gardening, cooking) learning (reading, traveling), writing, being fit, are some of the things people can better enjoy if bills are paid. Just saying, fwiw, it's ok for the paid job not to be the end all--can be a means to the end. Of course the work universe needed know that. Even if theyre great performers, people who are perceived as not all about the work, company, etc... tend not to advance. And colleagues who see themselves as their job title, can be sensitive. If you don't look at the world their way, and you aren't careful, you can be written off as a snob.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:30 PM FlagMoney CAN buy freedom to enjoy other interests. BUT you'd be surprised how little money you need to be truly happy. If you don't like your job and end up spending 60+ hours a week there, how much time are you going to have left to do the things you care about? Not much. Personally, I think it's better to find work the is fulfilling to you. You'll be happier overall, even if you are poorer
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 03:02 PM FlagWhat if you like doing something but you're kind of a failure at it? See, I know it sounds ludicrous, but I really worry about what successful people think of me. At parties it is so embarrassing to be asked what your profession is and to have to conflate it to something "esteemed." So, if I am not successful than it would be really devasting because I think people would judge me for it, and I just want people to really like me. If I could major in people liking me, and liking others, I would, lol. Ok but seriously, I do worry about it.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 03:46 PM Flag
^^ i'm back. Point just that to use discretion, be savvy about how you talk about working to live so to speak. It's smart to stay ambitious, not telegraph that this is what you endure so you can be who you are. The company doesn't need to know you're just not that into it. Not just bosses either. Colleagues who see themselves as their job title, can be sensitive. If you don't look at the world their way, and you aren't careful, you can be written off as a snob.ย It's smart to stay ambitious. If you can't be genuinely ambitious, at least be sure to avoid inadvertently insulting those who live for the work.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:46 PM FlagOk, yeah I see. This is like unspoken rule I always felt but now has been spoken. It makes sense. I wish I could be like those people though, getting such joy out of the company, but really I'm probably an anarchist in their eyes. If they knew how I really felt anyway.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 09:02 PM Flag
I don't think really successful people are on UB. There are some women who count as their "success" in life snagging a rich husband, but you will not find many really successful people
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:30 PM Flagwhere would they be? facebook? lol. op: you will very likely have to go back to school if you want to go into the traditional successful ny careers. if that's not your tea, find something you will pursue very passionately. that's very hard to do because most jobs are just that -- jobs. but if you can pursue something with all your might. success will come because others in the field won't be doing that. a large chunk of it is also personality. i always wanted to make good money for security purposes and so did my husband. that was an important part of our getting into good schools and doing well in finance. good luck.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 03:31 PM FlagOk, this is the OP. This might sound strange but I really am lost. My family, parent died and my other parent doesn't want to work anymore because they are so used to the other's income. Anyway, I try to encourage that parent to pick it up again and find a vocation in life, but I'm struggling to do that myself. I know this is a personal problem, but I feel that it's hard to see my parent say "I don't like working for other people. If you're not in business for yourself, you're working for other people." They absolutely hate the idea of a traditional job. They tell me all the time to go into business of my own. As if I can so easily. Basically, is my parent correct, successful people?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 03:43 PM FlagOR: yes, most very successful people are not lawyers, bankers, plastic surgeons. they are just the people you hear about. most rich people are entrepreneurs. i knew someone in small/mid cap M&A. the people she said were wealthy went to no name schools or dropped out but started some personal care (soap, etc.) or food or industrial (small parts) business and hit it rich. they don't hit it rich like $200MM. most of that is bankers and tech guys. but the small millionaires doing $10MM, most are entrepreneurs. that said, there is an incredibly high failure rate in business. it is said that a successful person will fail 6-7 businesses before finding the one that sticks. but if you are careful about leverage and dogged about diversifying your customer base, there is decent resilience/resistance to total bankruptcy. so yes, for most people, entrepreneurship is the way to go. odds are much better that way than to try to go work for a hedge fund.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 04:13 PM Flagmost successful people worked for other people FIRST at some point in their lives. You need to build skills and a base of capital before you launch your own business. I agree, working for other people sucks and it's not a long-term plan to get rich. It will get you to upper middle class at best, and you will probably hate the work more and more as you climb the ladder. At the small business I work for, the people in management are just as dedicated to the company as the owner/president and work the same, if not more hours, yet they take home probably 1/3 of the total pay. Jokes' on them.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 04:37 PM Flag
So sorry for your loss. Be good to yourself. Now might not be the time to aim too high in re changing things. Consider options, but be careful. Dealing with a difficult or struggling parent is hard. And when you're both grieving it's especially hard to figure out where you end and they begin. You have a lot in common, but need different things. Figure out how to take care of yourself. Talk to a therapist. It might feel selfish, or that your problems are relatively trivial. But, if you do that work, you will find it easier to figure out the career piece. And you will be of better use to your surviving parent. Hang in.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 08:06 PM Flag
It depends of what you think "successful" means. I feel I am a very successful person. My life has been one with great leaps. I love love love my work, which seems to be a rare thing. I am not in big law, in medicine or finance. My job is flexible, stable and intellectually challenging, yet its useful and has impact. I make 95K a year. I have a great family and my DH and I are very committed and work intensely in our relationship. I do feel successful. I would not change my job for a half a million finance job, not a chance.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 04:35 PM FlagReally? So you're one of those "if I won the lottery I'd still keep working"? I hope to aspire to that, actually. That, to me, is ultimate freedom. I like pople who are so secure enough in themselves that they can walk away from money and really, and totally not be in fear of not having it. Because that is a rare, rare person.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:25 PM Flag
Got a 4.0 first semester in college. Second? 2As, a B, and an F!! Parents wouldn't fund my downward spiral lifestyle. Went home for the summer and they told me to get a job or get out. I got a temp job on Wall Street. Worked there for a few months, went back to school and stayed on part-time for the remainder of college. Still there.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:26 PM Flag
[+] Neighbor with really smart dc says that if her dc doesn't get into NEST or Anderson a... 86 replies
- year later was exonerated), there was lackluster demand from the parents (i.e. people did not list it like they listed BSI...too cumbersome. DOE has a hard enough time keeping the single preference system straight. Why make it more complicated?...
- to put younger sib at a citywide. Studies show that parent involvement at a school has a significant impact on...of kids who qualify down to about 400. And the parents advisory groups are always dead set against it. So...
Talk : : April 08, 2012
Neighbor with really smart dc says that if her dc doesn't get into NEST or Anderson again (trying for 1st grade spot now), they are leaving the city for good. She says they're sick of paying the high taxes and not getting the educational opportunity her dc deserves. I have to agree with her... and my dc is at a district G&T. Her dc is super smart and they can't d private and was Wait-Listed at Hunter.
86 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.08.12, 11:50 AM Flag ]The sibling nonsense makes it really hard for others, esp 99's who get trumped
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 11:52 AM FlagNP: So siblings get in irrespective of their own test results?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 11:58 AM FlagNo. The sibs have to qualify (90 for district G&T or 97 for Citywide), but once they qualify, they go to the top of the list, ahead of non-sibs with higher scores.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:01 PM FlagHmm. I get the 'loyalty' thing at privates, but at schools buoyed by taxes this is grossly unfair and 'un-meritocratic'. This needs to be officially addressed.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:21 PM FlagThe official line is that they want to keep families together - families with multiple DCs in one school tend to be more involved in the school - when you have to get multiple DCs to multiple schools at the same time, you don't have the ability to get involved in either school. Sibling policies only apply to elementary schools, so there is also the ease of commute factor when dealing with young DCs. (BTW - I have an only DC, so I don't get the benefit of a sibling policy).
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:30 PM FlagI guess this is one of those 'Life is unfair' situations. It's great if you get in but is absolutely unfair if you're OP's neighbor.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:39 PM FlagThere are so many 99's who fail to get into Anderson or NEST - even if you got rid of the sibling policy, it would barely make a dent. And the OLSAT is not a finely grained testing instrument (the DOE doesn't have any finely grained anythings). So a 97 v 99 doesn't mean that much. On the old Stanford Binet, you actually could see the difference a point often made. I don't think anyone can say that the 99s seem smarter than the 97s. The real problem is 1. a stupid test; & 2. not enough gifted programs. Why don't they just make more gifted programs?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:28 PM Flag-
oops, meant the DOE can't just wave a wand and create more G&t programs, especially citywides. There is a lot of opposition to it, some people see it as draining scarce resources meant for less advantaged kids. Also, my SIL works for a test contractor who has been in negotiations with the city for years on this and she says they can indeed change the criteria to make the cut off 99.5 (they just increase the number of questions the kids have to get right), which would cut the number of kids who qualify down to about 400. And the parents advisory groups are always dead set against it. So where do you stand on that? Would you feel better if fewer kids -- maybe your own? -- got a qualifying score?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:22 PM Flag
I don't buy the keep families together thing for g&t. Most families will take a better placement for their 2nd dc if available over keeping the family together. If you want to keep family together go to gen Ed.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:58 PM Flagreally? we only have one dc so the sibling preference works to our disadvantage, but really? you want to make people get two small children to two different elementary schools at the same time?? in the end, i guess it is about the kind of world you want. I want a world where families are valued, even though the particular results in this instance do not work in my favor.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 04:33 PM FlagMany of us have dcs in different schools anyway--my dcs are spread out so they've been in different schools for 3 yrs (1 in preschool/daycare) the other in g&t. Who knows if #2 will qualify so there's a good chance they'll stay at diff schools. I
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:29 PM FlagWe made a choice to keep sibs together in a district g&t even though we had a chance to put younger sib at a citywide. Studies show that parent involvement at a school has a significant impact on the child's performance. We felt it was more important for the kids to have a shared experience and for my husband and I to have more time to spend at the school. It is a very personal decision but it can be very challenging for working parents to have kids at two different schools.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:52 AM Flag
If you want to take action petition the DOE to create more seats - it is obviously what parents want - the UWS which has a large number of 99 qualifiers just watched the city cram a Success Charter school into the area - the justification was the the city needs more good schools and there is a huge demand for UWS Success - I would suggest that there is a larger demand for new citywide seats. If the Teachers Union had a freaking clue they would get behind these wildly successful union run schools instead of lurking in the shadows.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:16 AM Flagx100 -- The greatest shame of the sibling policy is not that a tiny number of seats go to siblings who like their older brother/sister rocked a silly set of tests -- it is that so many parents focus on it as the problem, not the fact that the DOE is not creating more seats.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:08 AM FlagAnderson tried to add seats, and was able to add a few, until the local schools saw how well Anderson had moved into the space in the O'Shea bldg. That's when the land grab began. PS 452 was created to help with overflow from the neighboring schools, although 452 actually enrolls many students from outside its own zone. Anderson had to stop the expansion it had embarked on. If you want more citywide seats, let your CEC members know.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 02:45 AM FlagWhy shouldn't more people have 452 as a choice? Why is Anderson somehow more deserving. That building belonged to district 3 middle school space, no matter what anyone says. That said, neither school should have been out there, but don't say the superior g&t is somehow more deserving.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:20 AM Flag
look 15-@0% of the seats go to siblings- you know how you can address the seats issue? create more seats - BSI took only 99s after 1 year - from nothing 2nd most sought after school in the city - again from nothing with no additional cost other than the $500K startup they give any new school including charters - the official line is ther is no room - really? It seems to me the city finds room for any charter they want - and why - because they claim they must meet parental choice demands.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:51 PM Flag
the sib policy makes no sense for citywides--if you choose a citywide, you shouldn't expect sib preference too. It's not fair for 1 family to get lucky once and then get lucky again. Share the chances people! (signed mom of dc who got 99 for k entry and for 1st grade entry but no decent g&t option). I have 2 dcs and will try again with #2 since #1 has no shot after 1st grade with 99s.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 11:58 AM FlagI should not have to jackass two kids to two different schools - make more seats - there is nothing magical about citywides - they can be put anywhere.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:54 PM FlagI have to trek my non-citywide g&t kids to two different district g&ts because older one's is no longer accepting classes. Before that, I spent 3 years taking them to two diff schools. Why should you get off easy just because you got lucky the first time?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:47 PM Flag^^Sorry--I just realized that you weren't arguing with me! I agree that they should make more seats! Whatever happened to the Downtown Brooklyn g&t plan? I heard that the principal had issues but why didn't they just pick a different principal?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:15 PM FlagIt was more than one thing - there was the Principal (who incidently a year later was exonerated), there was lackluster demand from the parents (i.e. people did not list it like they listed BSI /STEM, there was local opposition from community groups who wanted a charter (which they got the following year) and saw the citywide thing as a service to people not from the neighborhood. Incidently, not widely known BSI itself was nearly cancelled after the founding Principal stepped down - if the new Principal had not stepped up it might not have happened.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:41 PM FlagI hadn't heard that about BSI--the principal seemed great on the tour last year!
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 08:07 PM FlagShe apparently is perfect for that school, she was a corporate person, who became a teacher and went to the leadership academy, she apparently had submitted an idea for a new school and was picked for this one instead when the original Principal bowed out late in the process.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:08 AM Flag^it was in fact one of the reasons we did not select BSI - we recognized that the Principal would be a large factor in the success of the school and we did not want to take a chance that the Principal would quickly leave. It turns out she stayed and everything seemed to work out for BSI.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:22 AM Flag
Better yet Anderson had 3 classes which was reduced down to 2 - so 25 spots gone with the flick of the wrist, that is more than all the sibs that enter Anderson in any year.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:49 PM Flag
It makes sense when you are administering a school system with more than a million students. At the elementary school level, siblings get admissions preference. One policy for all elementary schools, period. Trying to apply two or three different systems (Citywide, District G&T, GenEd), sometimes within the same building gets to be too cumbersome. DOE has a hard enough time keeping the single preference system straight. Why make it more complicated?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:35 AM Flag
I think that people who are not open minded to see all the great things that can be learned in Gen Ed in addition to the academics SHOULD leave the city. Good Riddance and Good bye.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 01:24 PM FlagI can't speak for her district G&T but the work they are doing at my DC's school is more advanced than her friends at Anderson. So much of that has to do with the teacher and the peers. Has she toured both those schools? Has she toured the other options she might have in the city after test results? Saying that without even seeing what other kids are doing is crazy.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:06 PM FlagUnless you have a dc at Anderson, how could you possibly reach this conclusion with any degree of certainty?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:17 AM FlagNP- But my son who is at a great gen ed has a close friend in the building at Hunter and a close friend at Anderson. All of the moms in the building talk about school, teachers, homework, etc. I could tell you exactly what kids in 1st grade are doing at both Hunter and Anderson and my son doesn't go to either.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:30 PM FlagIn the grand scheme of a K-8 education what goes on between K-2 is not relevant. There is a larger range of abilities and it evens out by 3rd. Any acceleration at younger grades does not make for better grades later...it only stresses out the dc. The best privates in the city know this and live by this rule.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:30 PM Flag
While I do feel for them, hinging your decision whether to stay or leave the city on getting into Anderson or NEST is no different from saying that you would leave the city if you don't win the lottery. Many suburban schools don't have ANY G&T to speak of, even best districts in Westchester have an ad-hoc pull-out programs if any. So what are you gaining other than really high property taxes and smaller class size? Skipping middle/high schools admissions derby is certainly worth a lot, but it applies to all the kids in NYC, not just the smart ones.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:05 PM FlagThat is her choice. Personally I don't understand why she feels her DC "deserves" these opportunities. There are plenty of really smart kids in gen. ed. and most suburban school districts do not even have g&t programs. If she thinks it is better in the burbs then she should go. but her entitled attitude will not help her there either.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:26 PM FlagIf her kid is on the hunter wait list, I'd stick it out for a couple of years just for that. The wait list is small and often moves in the first few years. There is baasically no chance at NEST or Anderson. Also make sure she chooses the burb wisely. We moved to a burb with a highly rated school system and it was nothing compared to the NYC G&T I pulled my kids out of.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:03 PM Flag-
No chance for first grade at NEST or Anderson after K. Almost every spot that opens gets taken by a sibling.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:22 PM FlagSo last year there were 12 spots at NEST 5 were taken by sibs, my child got a 1st grade spot at NEST last year. Odds are slim but I would not say no chance. K class has 25 children if DOE expands them again to 28 (4 classes that is 12 spots plus attrition maybe a seat - minus sibs ~6 and you'll have 6 or 7 spots for 1st at NEST.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:34 PM FlagYou were lucky! My dd and at least 5 others from her district g&t all got 99s last year and all applied for NEST for first grade entry (all also got 99s for k entry the year before)--everyone's still at district.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 08:05 PM FlagWe were, people told us not to bother and apply as ther are NO spots, I distinctly remember the Saturday of the Olsat - we had a classmates birthday party and I almost didn't go - hence the need to correct people. It is a lottery but as in most lotteries someone wins.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:10 AM Flag
Was it an easy adjustment for your child to start at NEST in 1st grade?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:23 AM Flagnot at all socially, academically, it took a little while to catch up, maybe over a course of two three months, the school had a weekly lunch with the guidance counselor for all new kids by grade to make sure the kids were adjusting well. Now 6 months later you couldn't tell the difference between who started in K and who came in 1st.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:05 PM Flag
-
Why do they think a suburban public school is going to do special things for their kid and cater to their needs? I don't get it. I think G&T and private is over-rated, but I do see why people think they are different than a public gen ed. What I don't understand is why people think that public schools in Scarsdale are going to be just like a private school.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 09:44 PM FlagThe OP did not equate public suburban schools with private schools.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:19 AM Flagnp: but she equated suburban school with Hunter. That is even more ridiculous.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:17 AM FlagExactly, I didn't phrase it well above but what I mean is, I really don't understand why people think a suburban public school is a perfect fit for a gifted dc while a public gen ed in the city isn't appropriate for them. Other than the fact that the kids are richer and whiter, what exactly is the difference?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:11 AM Flagactually, i think nyc public school teachers can be a lot more creative, smart and interesting than burb counterparts. they are far more likely to have MA from bank st or teachers college whereas LI teachers have MA from post or adelphi. have a ton of teacher friends and family in both places, FWIW. plus my kid is in gen ed, learning so much more than i did at the same age. she is reading children's classic books in school and studying artists and architecture, none of which i did in burb public.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:23 AM Flag
It is. Suburban schools in Westchester pay over 2x what Hunter pays its teachers. They invest in curriculum and professional development of their staff. They have gym more frequently. They expose children to all sorts of kids.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:05 AM Flagdo you know any of these burb teachers? I don't in Westchester and I do in LI. You would be horrified. Trust me. And all kinds of kids -- what?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:08 AM FlagTop westchester teachers make 6 figures. I think that kind of says everything doesn't it? Ask any top NYC principal where she loses her amazing teachers....
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:09 AM FlagIf they are over 50 y.o. The younger generations mostly want to live/work in the city. Just like UBers, they want to live and work here too, even if it means slightly lower salary. Not all, of course, but there is a similar divide in terms of the types of people who see themselves as urban vs. suburban.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:12 AM Flag
She sounds like a smart, rational person. My dc is at one of the schools OP would like and I feel like moving to the suburbs! There's no questions if you are upper middle class NYer who pay taxes like there's no tomorrow and you get zero value. Lots of folks try to pretend it's otherwise and I admire them--wish I could fool myself like that. Makes for happier times!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:38 AM Flagso tell us the great burb where you will not pay huge taxes.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:44 AM Flag-
-
^^^we have friends in westchester and bergen cty who think their public schools are sub-par and send to HM, ECFS. Are they getting something more for their taxes? $72k, no less.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:06 AM FlagWell I understand you are impacted by your friends' experiences, it's only human. But statistically speaking there will always be the rich family who wants to spring for a hill school. But that in no way proves that Scarsdale and Bronxville public schools are superior to 99% of NYC public schools.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:10 AM FlagI guess when you say "superior," I am not sure what that means. Comparing Heathcote Elem. vs. ps 6, for example. I am not that familiar with Westchester schools like I am with LI schools. For those I am pretty confident saying the overall experience (academic and social) is better at a school like ps234.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:16 AM Flag
-
-
This entire discussion is absurd. Anyone who truly believes that because their four year child was able to provide the textbook response to a set of given prompts on a particular day is an idiot and should have their children taken away from them to prevent further abuse.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:34 AM Flag
[+] Every time we go to my in-laws DH wants to bring laundry like we're in college. His m... 9 replies
- How much could a single load of sheets possibly cost? Tell your DH I will personally mail him $5 every time you was sheets, so he can leave his poor mother alone...
Talk : : April 08, 2012
Every time we go to my in-laws DH wants to bring laundry like we're in college. His mother is a micro-manager and could never let us just do the laundry without interfering and it got so annoying that I told DH no more laundry at your parents, I rather do it ourselves in our basement. But he insists on just sheets and towels, so he brings them, and MIL "helps" by throwing in some of her stuff and our laundry bag which is red, and now my white/grey colorblock sheets are pink. PINK! Now, MIL is bleaching everything by hand in the sink. I'm oddly amused by all of this.
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.08.12, 07:44 AM Flag ]
[+] I can't believe some of youladies wait a month before having sex with a guy you're da... 23 replies
- all women had sex on a first date. As they say why buy the cow when the milk is free? While I may be old fashioned-the divorce rates speak for itself. Is it really worth being a single parent?...
Talk : : April 07, 2012
I can't believe some of youladies wait a month before having sex with a guy you're dating. Don't you assume that they're sleeping with other women while they're waiting for you to 'not be a slut'?
23 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.07.12, 08:53 PM Flag ]I think you over estimate the number of women who watch the calendar that closely
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 08:54 PM Flagfrom the responses below, I don't think I overestimate. Not with this crowd.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 08:56 PM FlagDidn't know you were talking to someone specific. I don't know anybody who waited beyond the second or third date
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 08:57 PM Flag
My DH waited for me. It was about 6 months. He was not sleeping with anyone else (he did go on one date with someone else before we were exclusive, but it didn't go anywhere). Not all guys jump into bed at the first provocation.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 04:42 AM Flag-
-
I would wait as long as I wanted to. Seriously there are academic articles about men having serial sex with 1 woman after the next. If I was a man I wouldn't get married if all women had sex on a first date. As they say why buy the cow when the milk is free? While I may be old fashioned-the divorce rates speak for itself. Is it really worth being a single parent?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:01 AM FlagIf everything is going really well the only reason I'd wait to sleep with a guy is if I'm not attracted to him.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 09:55 AM Flagyour response is just as sad to me as them waiting a month if they don't feel like it. if you want to have sex, you should have sex. you shouldn't have to play games. you shouldn't have to have sex to keep them from sleeping with other women. i am so glad that i knew the guys i did when i was dating. if you have to do all this stupid stuff, chances are you will not end up with somebody worth keeping.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 10:13 AM Flag
[+] I want to stop engaging anti-teacher mom. I just can't stand it that I have this job... 29 replies
- for the school district. I wrote my other post "Parents please talk to us about your kids" because so...want to hear, etc. etc. It really is the parents that are difficult to get along with and make...I can't really bring that up unless a parent seems desirous to know. I don't even know...out he had shit his pants. Coupled with frustrating parents I can't do it anymore. My last hope...times I don't love, I respect. Every single conference I thank my children's teachers for...
Talk : : April 07, 2012
I want to stop engaging anti-teacher mom. I just can't stand it that I have this job that I love and I honestly almost never complain about and people start yelling that I am my colleagues are lazy, stupid and entitled. We're smart and funny. We are always looking for ways to do better. Last week I had to deal with a death in our community, while staying up until 2 am writing comments for 100 kids and starting a new program several nights. I also had a lot of family responsibilities that week and I almost went crazy. It was just a bad week, and again, I love my job, but the hate just hurts and enrages me.
29 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.07.12, 03:34 PM Flag ]I would feel the same. My children have had fabulous, bright,creative teachers. I can only think of one "bad" teacher between them...and the school resolved that situation. Don't understand the need to bash you guys. Let's just all ignore that poster. As with kids, don't let her neg behaivor get attention.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:39 PM FlagI posted in that thread too. I've been teaching for 10 years and love it. But God DAMN, I still get pissed off at posts like that -- I really, truly think that the teacher-bashing is a reason we lose good, well-educated teachers early. If you're smart, and if you're getting the message that your job is for not-smart people, it's easy to see what the takeaway is.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:41 PM FlagOP here, I know I said I would walk away ... Anyway, I'm glad I'm not alone! I used to always get, "Oh, you are such a saint." Now I get, "You poor thing!" I just feel lucky to have a job and one that I like. But not victimized or overly rewarded.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:43 PM Flagexactly. the erosion of benefits/pensions is a big problem, too. I went into teaching fully aware that I was taking a lower salary BUT knowing that it would all even out in the long term. for people just entering now, there's no such bargain. and I think that's going to further diminish the profession.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:46 PM Flag
I wrote and replied to some posts too from that OP. I am a preschool teacher now, in school to become an educator, and about to work for the school district. I wrote my other post "Parents please talk to us about your kids" because so many parents in the preschool stress me out. I have all of this knowledge and they don't want to hear, etc. etc. It really is the parents that are difficult to get along with and make me want to cry. The kids I can handle. I can look away uncomfortably when I see two kindergarten boys kiss or one say "I wish I was a baby so you could kiss me" or push two other boys heads together and say "Kiss!" But I can't really bring that up unless a parent seems desirous to know. I don't even know if that's right to bring up? All these little things stress me out. the other day a kid, normally well behaved was complaining about everything and later I found out he had shit his pants. Coupled with frustrating parents I can't do it anymore. My last hope is that a grade level school will be more professional and urbane, but if not it's art school or something else for me. Too stressful.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 04:52 PM Flag
Thanks for the nice replies. I know some teachers are jerks and some are idiots and when my DC has one of those, I will be pissed. I just have to step away from the computer now. Thanks again!!!
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:41 PM Flag
[+] Best UB post ever is too broad. Let's categorize them. Name the category, or name t... 127 replies
- mentioned here: California broad who has a live-in slave and brags about how little she pays her and how she does every single thing to maintain the house/kids....
- that your DC is being abused and you don't know it, that he is going to die crossing the street, etc. Parenting is all about being afraid for her....
Talk : : April 07, 2012
Best UB post ever is too broad. Let's categorize them. Name the category, or name the winners.
127 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.07.12, 01:34 PM Flag ]-
-
-
-
-
-
-
The DMV shart that rolled on the floor because she had just gotten a wax and didn't have her "usual hair barrier"
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:07 PM Flag-
DMV Shart got deleted but here are some recaps: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/29641052, http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/11678996, http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/12295922
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:11 PM Flag
-
Scroll down to tampon wax: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/10011054
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:28 PM Flag
-
Category: Disgusting things I read (and laughed at) on UB that eventually happened to me. There was a post about a constipated woman whose poop didn't always come out so she felt she was walking around with poop stuck in her anus. I laughed at her until a few months later when it happened to me. I went back to that post to find the solutions and I got the help I needed. I don't laugh at people anymore.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 01:38 PM FlagBest private school admissions neurotic perseveration post.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 02:22 PM Flag-
-
-
-
Are you kidding? The Kiwi person, followed by people who think she's "clever."
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 07:17 PM FlagDitto on KIWI.And I've been wondering if she's the one posting all of the tedious Fox News posts
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 08:41 PM Flag-
-
Kiwi was originally called CRK (this was given to her, she didn't choose it). Then whenever someone would call her Kiwi she would say no i'm CRK, but she lost the battle and kiwi took over. You (i'm assuming you are the person who wrote Ditto on KIWI) are so annoying because you constantly accuse people of being kiwi, and try to blame kiwi on things and try to keep her spirit alive on this board or something. I can tell it's you because you always write KIWI in capital letters and no one else ever did that.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:28 PM Flag
-
-
There was an annoying chick who always signed her name with a winky/smiley face... Jenni? ;-)
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:15 PM Flag
-
****((((Out of 10 answers given, 4 of them were mine. These posts only work if you guys answer, not just add categories!))))**** (not OP, btw)
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:00 PM Flag-
-
-
http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/52235306
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:35 AM Flag
-
-
-
That's a close one between Gloves, Cat Eraser, Gate Mom, Ming Vase, and Pirates. Yes, I've been around forever and the board used to be a lot more entertaining.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:19 PM FlagOk, will you pretty please link to some? Only been on a year or two and don't think I know any of these!
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:21 PM FlagOnil: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/24769568
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:23 PM FlagStan's Helpers: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/1680191
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:24 PM FlagDMV Shart: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/11678996
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:24 PM FlagGate Mom: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/15262318
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:25 PM FlagDingleberry is too old and gone for good, but it's mentioned here: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/34902321
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:25 PM Flag-
I haven't been able to find Gloves, original Pirates, or Period Mom
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:27 PM Flag-
The Chone name poll that was a running joke for a long time: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/9119582
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:29 PM Flag
Cheeseburger on a Plane Mom. Too funny because it was in real-time :)
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:23 PM Flagepic! this one i fondly recall from just a few months ago: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/53402410
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:06 AM Flag
These are ybm, but they are old and more like classic UB: http://www.youbemom.com/forum/permalink/1361032 (nanny tlak happy) and http://www.youbemom.com/forum/permalink/1585568 (neighbor with red-haired kids and trees on property line).
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 09:29 PM FlagShaved Balls Dad was funny: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/52407915
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:29 AM Flag
-
-
-
-
Out & out craziest? My vote goest to Joie de WIC from way back. Seems like her blog's been taken down. Guess she couldn't get gov't assistance to help fund her domain costs: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/51601932
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:16 AM Flag-
DH chained the fridge shut: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/51010757
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:18 AM Flag
-
stripper au pair: http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/54126354
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:40 AM Flag
-
-
[+] Walked in on ds 17 and his girlfriend having sex. I apologized. Am I missing anything... 154 replies
- answer this question, you need some therapy or at least parenting classes....
- I honestly cannot believe the sense of entitlement that certain parents foster in their kids...
- think we have a single poster who thinks being a BFF to her DCs equates to parenting...
- is not unreasonable. Having sex in the house while parents (or - younger siblings!) might possibly walk in is...
Talk : : April 06, 2012
Walked in on ds 17 and his girlfriend having sex. I apologized. Am I missing anything else to do?
154 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 03:00 PM Flag ]I only have a toddler, so I'm just imagining here. I think that I'd redo the safe sex talk. Ask him what kind of protection they're using.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:03 PM FlagMakes sense, guess I have to do it though. I do not want any grandbabies.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:04 PM FlagI also agree with the poster who said it's disrespectful to you that he did it while you were home. If it's not too corny, maybe have a general talk about sex and respect - respecting your home, respecting the girlfriend (not that he isn't), etc.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:10 PM FlagAlong these lines, keep in mind the gf might be afraid to tell either of her parents. They may refuse to put her on birth control. In my case only, in my state it is legal for a 16 yo girl to get birth control without parental consent. I was ready to take the gf myself if it came to that. Yes, this would be a violation of another parent's belief in their own rights, but if it comes to a choice between teen fatherhood for my son or another mom's beliefs, sorry, have to choose my son. Sue me later.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:14 PM Flag
Yes, Buy him condoms. And sit down with him and explain that it is disrespectful to have sex under your roof while you are walking around the house, etc. If he wants to be an adult, great- he can make dinner tonight and do some laundry while he's out it
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:03 PM FlagI am a little pissed he would do that, at least wait until tommorow when I am out of the house. Maybe I will have dh say something as well.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:06 PM Flag-
-
I meant YOUR car. Obviously teens only have cars in Kansas, hello.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:29 PM FlagParents don't let their kids drive their cars in NYC. You obviously have no clue.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:31 PM FlagI thought she meant it was pointless to suggest the car since that's not an option, hence, if they don't do it in the house, where should they go? Also you don't have to drive a car to have sex in it. Don't be a bitch just because you misunderstood her post. I have a car and I am not from Kansas.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:36 PM Flag
-
Yes. That is not unreasonable. Having sex in the house while parents (or - younger siblings!) might possibly walk in is something that needs to be corrected. It's not a free-for-all. It's a "we know this is going to happen and we expect you will do everything you need to do to keep this as part of your private life - that's what private life means"
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:45 PM Flag
Yeah, call the girls mom so that her mother can place her on birth control
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:05 PM Flag-
Terrible idea? If your daughter were having unprotected sex and you didn't know it... wouldn't you like a heads up so you could talk to her and take her to the doctor? If you're worried about embarrassing her, I think that being pregnant your senior year of high school would be a little worse
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:14 PM FlagI wouldn't be worried about embarrassing her, I'd be worried about violating her privacy. She's 17, not 10. I think a 17 YO can make decisions about her sex life, as long as she's being safe and isn't being abused or coerced (doesn't sound like the case here - they're two teenagers going out with each other).
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:17 PM Flag
not going to tell the girl's mother. she can do that herself.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:07 PM FlagIt is not disrespectful to suggest that you will now need to limit their time together until ds's gf can talk to her mother and they can make decisions together for her on bc. Until then they must understand you can't give them opportunities to have unprotected sex. This is not just about your rules, it's about protecting their health and their futures.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:15 PM FlagNP: This is extremely intrusive and I actually do find it disrespectful. I would not have forgiven my parents if they had treated me like that. It's time to start untying those apron strings and letting go. He will be in college in 5 to 17 months.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:36 PM FlagIt's not intrusive to protect your child. This is actually part of the parenting process, if my ds or dd came to me at 18, 19 or 20 and wanted to ask about sex or birth control, it's not like you would say "no, you're an adult, you're on your own."
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:08 PM FlagDo you not see the difference between offering advice and coercing your son's gf into talking to her parents about her sex life by threatening to keep them apart?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:15 PM FlagJesus. Not threatening to keep them apart. Limiting their time together. That means they sit in the living room in full view. Not keeping them apart. I also posted elsewhere in this thread that if gf felt that her parents would crucify her, I'd help her get bc on her own. LEGAL where I am. I left it open. Fortunately gf's mom and I turned out to be like thinkers, there was no need for this.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:48 PM FlagOn this note, in my particular case re: coercing my ds's gf to talk to her parents, they were actually due to go with gf and parents to their vacation home for a weekend. In this case (MY case) I said ds could not go to their vacation home without gf's parents being aware that they were active. That was not keeping them apart, it was just being as respectful and smart as I knew how to be. There was some exigency in the sharing of information, not that unplanned teen pregnancy isn't exigent enough alone.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 05:06 PM Flag
-
-
-
I agree with the response. What else are you going to do? It is what it is. The important part is not making them feel horrible and setting themselves up for a lifetime of those crappy shameful feelings. Sex is human and normal, and if biology didn't make teenagers and 20's hormonally charged, it would be a sad state of affairs if only the 30 somethings and could procreate. We'd die out fast.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:53 PM Flag
-
-
-
Yes, it's like walking in on your parents having sex. You know it is, what it is ... but echhh. No way around it. You just have to mentally block it out ... you know your parents had sex, but you exile even the frisson of that idea to Mars. Have to do the same thing with your kids.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:55 PM Flag
-
The conversation that sex under my roof is not permitted. Have you had it? If not, you need to do so pronto. If you have had it then the appropriate consequence (take away the cell phone for 2 weeks).
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:11 PM Flag-
Really? Does he have any rules? Seems to me this is one of the top 10.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:15 PM FlagI did not even know he was sexually active to be honest. I failed...
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:16 PM FlagDon't beat yourself up, just move forward. Tell DS that sex is not permitted in your house while he is in High School and you made a mistake by thinking he would not need this spelled out for him.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:20 PM FlagNo, you didn't fail. You can't be there 24/7. Also, even a rule of not in your house won't necessarily work. They find ways. Many of us did, too.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:20 PM FlagI posted many days ago on this subject. The very first thing I did when I found out my ds was active was to buy a huge assortment of condoms on Amazon. You can buy variety packs of 50 of all different sizes and kinds so they can find one they are comfortable with on their own. I wish he didn't have sex, but knowing that I can't 100% control it, I at least want to do what I can to keep something undesirable from turning into a flat-out catastrophe.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:24 PM FlagThanks. I wish it didn't have to come to this either but I have to do it now.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:25 PM FlagI know. It's no fun. But this is a prime example of one of those times when parenting is a hard job. However, it stinks for them, too, to get caught. Best thing to do is not to shame them, let them know they are normal, but that like anything, if they are going to enter the adult world by having sex, they have to be responsible about it.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:11 PM Flag
-
He's 17. Not 14. I think it's fine. Just make sure he knows about protection. My ds is 20 and has a boyfriend. What difference is 3 years?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:14 PM FlagAt that age a lot. First, 18 is legal age, not 17. Regardless, by 20 you normally have lived on your own and taken responsibility for your life. OP's kid is living off his parents still.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:16 PM FlagSo you waited until 18 then? Just curious. Seems this board is always full of contradictions in behavior. Ideally you can try and tell your kid not to have sex, but honestly no kid who has already started is going to hold off for another 12 months, or 2 months or however many months until 18.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:20 PM FlagI did not have sex before I was 18 and certainly never had it under my parent's roof until I was engaged. I was taught respect.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:22 PM Flagnp I, the boys I dated, and all of my girlfriends certainly did. I don't find it disrespectful because i was not taught that sex is wrong or evil. I find your attitude extremely retrograde.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:49 PM FlagYou read to much into my post. I was never taught sex was evil or bad, only that you needed to have protection and that while I was a teen my parents preferred that I waited for someone special and that one of the rules of the house was they did not condone sex in their house.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:56 PM Flag
All I can say is I hope every naysayer here has a teen under their roof at least. So, you say "not in my house". Well I suppose the car, the beach, the movies are all OK? Rules seem a lot different when you have a 17 year old.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:16 PM FlagMuch more difficult to have sex in the car (which most NYC teens do not have access to), the Beach (winters are out and its a long hall from Manhattan to the beach) and the movies (too crowded in NYC). So, you don't condone it in your house, not likely to happen as often.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:18 PM FlagNo, they'll go into a staircase at their high school or middle school (yes, the principal of our MS has to do checks in bathrooms and stairwells all the time and last year kids WERE hooking up there). They go to parties....it happens.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:21 PM FlagYes it does but why sanction it in your home. Its not like its going to stop it from happening elsewhere. Do you also let your kids cheat on tests, steal from the corner store and bully other kids because it happens ??
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:28 PM FlagSex is not the same as cheating, stealing and bullying. Sex is actually something you have to train your children for in the future, to be successful at it, in order to maintain long-term relationships and/or procreate. Sex is something we all do. It's not wrong, it's a part of life. And it's nothing you didn't do yourself, as a parent.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 05:10 PM Flag
What kind of shitty school is that where middle school CHILDREN are being sexual with one another in the bathrooms and stairwells?! Unreal.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:05 PM FlagIf kids are being sexual with one another in a middle school in the bathrooms and stairwells, that's a shitty school. If *some* of them are trying to be sexual with each other in the bathrooms and stairwells, that's a crapshoot among any school in the USA. And possibly worse in the elite private coed boarding schools that cost $$$$.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 05:12 PM Flag-
Let's guess, you also buy your kids alcohol and let them drink it at home so they don't do it at parties...HAHHH!!!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:19 PM FlagMy 17 year old was allowed a glass of wine or liquor if he wanted. He drinks at school so why not?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:22 PM FlagThis speaks volumes. Putting aside that drinking at 17 is illegal, why don't you ground/punish him for drinks at school and how is he supposed to be concentrating on studying if he is drinking.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:25 PM FlagMy ds is in college. He's 20. But at home at 17 he was allowed to try wine and alcohol. He didn't drink at parties (he never drove so I knew when I picked him up if he was drinking). I think it's fine to introduce wine and alcohol in a controlled setting. My 13 year old has a small glass with us too. (2-3oz).
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:28 PM Flag
If you need someone to answer this question, you need some therapy or at least parenting classes.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:26 PM FlagNot true--all of Europe allow teens to drink at the dinner table (smallish cup). They go on to appreciate drinking vs. getting drunk. I went to college. 90% of the kids there decided it was fun to get so drunk they binged on it. Why? Forbidden fruit. My kids really aren't that interested in partying. Including my 20yo. He'll have a beer but not a keg. Quite different.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:54 PM Flag
I think a lot of posters here are deluded about their own kids and teens in general. I never knew anyone who let a little parental disrespect get in the way of getting laid. Furthermore, I actually don't see what is disrespectful about it. 17 is a normal age to become sexually active. Just drill into him the importance of using a condom every. Single. Time. Even if the gf claims she's on the pill.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:28 PM FlagI agree that some 17 yr olds have sex and to drill in about the condoms but I disagree with not setting boundaries about what is permitted in your house.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:33 PM FlagIt's his house too, and he is legally of age in the state of NY (according to Wikipedia). I do not understand why it is any parent's business at that age. You have to acknowledge at some point that your child's sex life is off limits to you, though you can of course offer guidance and advice.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:43 PM FlagIf your DC is not paying rent then your house and your rules.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 03:50 PM FlagReally? Do you inform guests you consider it disrespectful if they have sex in your house too, and that they are not entitled to a say because they don't pay rent?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:00 PM FlagIf they are teen guests, then the same rules apply but its apples and oranges comparing your DCs who you are responsible for to guests
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:03 PM FlagI don't agree; I think their sex lives are equally not your business. I actually find it disturbing that so many think it is. And people wonder why DILs never like their MILs.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:09 PM FlagIf I am going to be supporting potential Grand babies, definitely my business
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:18 PM FlagYou will note that my initial point was to stress the importance of protection. By the time your child is a sexually active (nearly) adult, all you can really do is offer advice and hope the lessons you have taught over the years have sunk in. Or are you planning to purchase a chastity belt for the college years?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:34 PM Flag
np It's about RESPECT. I met my dh when I was 28, and I know for a fact that if we'd visited his parents back then, we'd have been put in separate bedrooms--where we'd have remained as we were in *their* home, not one of ours.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:08 PM FlagWhy is it disrespectful? I met my DH at 18, in college, and we slept in the same room at his parents' house and mine. Nobody batted an eye.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:12 PM FlagThat's probably why your views aren't much different. You probably talk like a sailor in front of your parents and take shots of whiskey. Most parents place a high importance in raising children that respect them (and in turn understand the importance of respect in general). Your parents obviously did not and neither do you.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:17 PM FlagNp: all add, that you were in college. Not the same as living at home as a junior in HS
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:20 PM FlagThe age difference is one year, and most teens live at home during college summers. The point is that I don't view it as disrespectful and no one has articulated why they find it so. Why does a 17yo's decision to have sex with his girlfriend, in his bed at home, have anything to do with his parents? I see nothing inherently wrong with the activity itself, so I do not understand why it would be disrespectful.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:28 PM Flag? It wouldn't be my decision. Are you suggesting that it is only appropriate to have sex if you are prepared to have a baby? I do not subscribe to your apparent view that the only acceptable sex is at a time and with a person with whom you are prepared to procreate. Many people wouldn't have sex until their 30s if that were the case.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 05:14 PM Flag
I agree it's totally about respect ... you earn respect by making a conscious effort to make sure your sexual life never bleeds over into the lives of others. It's enough among strangers, much less your family. Sex = adult decision, behave like an adult. Do your own private stuff privately. Doesn't mean we still can't publish pamphlets & discuss condoms theoretically.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:01 PM Flag
-
Hi, no disrespect at all intended, I am just really interested in your opinion, because I'm the Mom aside from the OP who is in this thread who has the nearly 17 yo having sex. I bought him condoms and forced the conversation between gf and her mom about bc before I would let ds go away with them, as her parents didn't know they were active. Are you a Dad, are you a younger single male or female? Are you coming from left field? I don't discount anything you say but think the way you phrased your response is one I agree with. It just seemed phrased differently.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 05:25 PM FlagI am probably younger than most here (28) and female. I definitely understand your point about not letting your son go away with his gf's family before making them aware of the situation, and I likely would have done the same (my dd is only 9 months so it hasn't come up!). In that situation you are in an uncomfortable position b/c of the information asymetry between you and the girl's parents, and it is right that the couple should alleviate that. I seem to differ from most posters in that I think sexual relationship between older teens, in the context of a romantic (and hopefully loving and healthy) relationship is fine, assuming they use protection. It's part of growing up. I am certainly glad my parents and my now DH's parents were laid back and respectful of us when we were 18.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 05:34 PM FlagP.S. I'm the one who met my DH at 18, first semester of college.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 05:43 PM FlagExactly. DH and I were HYP, top of our class, we met freshman year, had sex, also had sex either at his parents' or at mine. Their rules did not keep us from finding ways to have sex, although we followed them 'strictly' .. we've been together 25 years today, 20 years married, I will definitely not say because my ds has sex 1 yr before I did that he is failing or a loser or whatever.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:21 PM Flag
Well, I wasn't allowed to sleep with DH until we were married at my parents house and same rules applied at DHs parents house (and that was only 5 years ago). Of course we were having sex, but it is nice to have parents that set healthy boundaries with you and don't try to act like your bff. We respected both parents rules with no issues. I have a great relationship with my parents, but it is definitely a respectful one; I wouldn't swear around my parents either, or get drunk, or smoke a cigarette...I hope my DC's treat me with the same respect.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:12 PM Flag-
I have an 18 yo ds. He's had a girlfriend (17 yo) for over a year now. Sex...definitely. Her mom and I got together to talk about it...made sure we were on the same page about birth control, respect, etc. I also told my ds that even if his gf was on the pill, he still needed to use a condom. I also told him that "no means no" even if they've had sex in the past. My dh has spoken with him also. Good luck...they grow up mighty quickly.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:40 PM FlagWhat's your belief system about sex? For me, it is fine, though I will be clear than when there are people awake in the house then it is a No NO. if I am not in the house, or I am sleep then it is ok. I would never talk with the girl mother, specially if you dont know where they stand about this. Maybe the parents are totally backwards about it and you may be the only adult this girl can talk talk about it, I would not close that door. Plus, she is 17, almost an adult in any other country, why would you embarrass her like that.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 05:23 PM FlagI disagree with the posters that claim that it is DS sex life and it is his house. There is no way I will allow DS to bring every woman he want to get laid with to my home at whatever time he wants. Can you picture that ?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 05:26 PM FlagI would MUCH rather have them having sex in my house than some random place - so I'd be careful about the disrespectful talk... you don't know what their alternatives are.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:23 PM FlagThis, this, this. My immediate reaction was to agree with the "not in my house" / respect posts, which is how I was raised. But then I recalled that under current law in some states, being caught having sex - or even stuff short of sex - in public (eg beach, park, even car) is a sexual offense that can lead to having to register as a sex offender that can have ruinous effects for the rest of the kids' life. I'm not sure if it's the case in NY, but some of the laws are nuts. Now that's a conversation to have re unintended repercussions.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 12:10 AM Flag
Safe sex talk again. I would probably make up a rule like no sex on school nights because I wouldn't want them doing it all the time at my house but I wouldn't want them doing it in the school bathroom either. I dread this day though. DREAD IT! Don't make it a huge deal though. It's already happened and probably has been happening so nothing left to do but to make sure it's safe when it's happening.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:16 PM Flag
[+] Who needs friends? My sister asked me if dh cheated on me, who would I feel comfortab... 16 replies
- My two best friends. I tell them every single thing. They probably know more about me than DH....
- dh's head if I stayed with him. Can't think of a female friend I would tell though. I would tell my parents, too....
Talk : : April 06, 2012
Who needs friends? My sister asked me if dh cheated on me, who would I feel comfortable telling. I couldn't think of a single person. I am close to my sis but she is much younger so I would never burden her with my issues. Do you have someone? Is it necessary I have someone like that?
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 10:12 AM Flag ]I don't have anyone to tell if DH were to cheat on me. I keep all of my marital issues to myself.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 10:13 AM FlagI have a dear old friend who lives in another state. We met in the 90s on vacation, she doesn't know anyone in my real life and I don't know anyone in hers. We use each other for these types of things. Every time I have ever shared something close to this with anyone in IRL they have gone and shared it with others and I have regretted it. People will gossip even when they genuinely believe they were "being concerned" and I was sorry I'd ever opened up in the first place.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 10:33 AM FlagNever told anyone what happened with us except therapist. Still wouldn't. DH told best friend from high school because BF's marriage was going to pot and he was trying to tell him how to get out of it. Would only tell if it could help someone, because really don't know anyone who wouldn't be judgmental (including myself in that). People just can't help but take sides and then it ruins the friendship when they don't agree with how you have chosen to handle it. Will tell you, it has been VERY hard be able to talk about such life altering events. Has made me very lonely that is for sure.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 10:55 AM FlagI have close friends but never told anyone, DH just told his friend in a last ditch attempt to get him to stop cheating because the ramifications is not worth it.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:08 AM Flag-
[+] Wwyd? My 10 yo dd wants to become a vegetarian. I cook almost every night and I spe... 133 replies
- call other people controlling for making their own parenting decisions. You can give your opinion without implying...Vegetarinism for young ones is nutrion lessons for parents of young ones....
- Of course,but being a parent doesn't mean you have to be a...story straight? I haven't lied about a single thing. She has always enjoyed meat. She eats...though. She was unable to listen to one single opinion that went against her own, had to...
Talk : : April 06, 2012
Wwyd? My 10 yo dd wants to become a vegetarian. I cook almost every night and I spend a lot of time on our meals and I can't imagine having to make something different for her every night. Even if she starts cooking for herself I will still have to oversee her meals and shop extra. This is such a hassle. Do you think I can just say no? Tia.
133 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 06:10 AM Flag ]I wouldn't just say no. I would sit down with her and go over the meals for the week and ask her to brainstorm with you what she can substitute for the meat dishes you're making. Maybe have her research the nutritional substitutes that she'll need for iron and vitamins that she'd otherwise get from meat, and have her make you a list so that you won't have to make a separate shopping trip. Give her the tools she needs to take charge of it. As she gets older, you'll be thankful that you taught her this responsibility and it'll give her appreciation of how much work it is to shop and cook for the family. Could even be a way to bond with her.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:15 AM FlagI would not cook something extra - I would make her figure out her meals based off of what you are cooking. Make her read a few nutrition books, etc.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:16 AM FlagWhy do you need to serve meat to your family every night? It could be good for all of you to alternate.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:19 AM Flagnp: it doesn't have to be meat, it could be chicken. Protein is essential. If her dd wants to be a veg, let her read, research and plan her own menu around what the mom is making that evening
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:30 AM Flag-
meant she doesn't have to red meat (many ppl don't do this a lot because it's not healthy
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:53 AM FlagYes, but vegetarians typically do not eat chicken eat. Or fish. Anything with eyes. It can be a challenge to get enough protein in witout eating meats.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:42 AM FlagThat is SO not true. Protein deficiency is not an issue for most Americans, and vegetarians have no problem obtaining protein. A far bigger problem facing most Americans is not eating enough fruit and vegetables, and at least vegetarian kids are more likely to get more of those.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:02 PM Flag
-
I would say yes!!! Then I would do what the poster above suggested: have her read some books and work on menu planning with you. This is a great opportunity for her to take control of her diet in a positive way. Whether she sticks with it or not it will be a great learning experience. Congratulate yourself on such a self aware daughter. And no, I am not a vegetarian.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:21 AM FlagShe is 10. Of course, you can say no. Tell her she can make that decision when she is 16 and has researched the subject to the point that she knows how to combine foods to still get all the nutrients she needs to be healthy.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:22 AM FlagNP One might argue, though, that being a vegetarian may be a lot healthier. I'm not, neither are my kids, but after the pink slime/arsenic in the chicken/etc. it's hard NOT to think reducing meat and animal products is a smart move. That said, OP should not be doubling her workload, the kid is going to have to lend a hand.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:24 AM FlagIt certainly can be healtier, but it is a complicated project that involves much more than simply skipping meat. I'm not against it in any way. I just think 10 is too young.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:27 AM Flagnp: not that complicated and ten is the perfect age to want to try it out. At ten she probably is thinking about animals, developing a conscience. Encourage this. My mom would have said great, it is your body, you decide what goes in it. I can see why I adore my mom so much while so many friends have such simmering rage for theirs. Do not be a controlling b, let your daughter make this decision for herself.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:41 AM Flagnp: don't call other people controlling for making their own parenting decisions. You can give your opinion without implying your way is the only way
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:45 AM FlagSh eased my opinion and I will call them what I want. It is insanely controlling to force a ten-year-old to eat meat because that's what you like to cook. I think it's ridiculous and disrespectful of a kid. It takes very little time to make pasta or beans or salad and a 10 yr old can do it herself. Providing ingredients for that is NOT extra work, and I think anyone who forces a 10-yr-old to put into her mouth and stomach something she does not ant to, knowing how passionate and empathetic a 10-yr-old can be, is VERY CONTROLLING. Sorry, but you cannot control my opinion, and it sounds like you have some control issues.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:50 AM FlagOP: Nobody is FORCING anyone to do anything. Chill out lady! She has only mentioned it once. You obviously have some serious food and eating issues yourself which are clouding your opinion.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:08 AM FlagShe mentioned it once and you posted asking for advice? What is wrong with you? Go get a job!!!!!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:15 AM FlagI HAVE a job you idiot. People come on here to ask if it's OK to wear sandals today. I can't ask about a topic that has potential to change our whole family's lifestyle?!!!! Give me a break.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:20 AM FlagOh but by the way, DD doesn't really want to be a vegetarian, it was something she just mentioned in passing, she loves meat and I already said the perfect thing to her, I was just asking so you would ask me! Tee hee I am such a great cook and spend a lot of time on my meat so I want you to know that, too! I took classes at ICE! Yay me!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:23 AM Flag
My sister became a vegetarian at 15, but 15 and 10 are very different. She obviously doesn't have the resources to feed herself, and it is okay for you to explain that she can't pull that hard on your already stretched resources. However, maybe the compromise is some of what the posters above are talking about? One night a week the family goes vegetarian, and the two of you do that meal planning, and she does more of the cooking (supervised) that one night a week. If she still wants to be veg after months of doing that, she'll have the tools to do so.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:24 AM FlagYou can't really make her eat meat,that would be mean. Just make sides that she can make into a meal.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:26 AM FlagOR: "mean" or not, I don't think you want to convey that 10-year-olds have control of major decisions that drastically affect Mom's life. OP is allowed to continue to be the parent here, and one parental worry is that 10-year-olds need proper nutrition.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:40 AM FlagOf course,but being a parent doesn't mean you have to be a dictator. Many vegetarians are really grossed out by meat,forcing someone to eat something find disgusting seems cruel to me. This could be an opportunity for mom to relinquish some control and allow her child to gain some autonomy in a very healthy way. I find it interesting that op thinks she can say no to this.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:53 AM Flag
NP: It is such a crucial time for girls in terms of beginning puberty that the more positive control she has over what she eats the better. This could be really empowering
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:27 AM FlagI think it is a reasonable decision at age 10 and you should support it. I am not a vegetarian but several in my DC's class are, including the teacher. So many reports coming out about how bad meat is for you, why not try to go with it? Maybe ask her to eliminate red meat first and still cook chicken, but the meat every day diet is apparently very unhealthy. If she gets you to cook more vegetable sides and so on, this can only be good Or she can start eating nice salads, which you should have on the side anyway. I would look at is as a fun adventure together and be totally supportive and use it as an excuse to cut down on meat anyway. Also if you already spend a lot of time on your meals, you must like cooking, and you must know that you can make many, many delicious meals without meat. Give it a go and take a meat break! ALso, sounds like yoga re not making good heathy side dishes of veggies if you are so meat dependent.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:33 AM FlagBTDT with an 8 y/o. Yes, it's a PITA sometimes, but all of us ended up eating a much healthier diet. DD does eat fish, so we end up eating fish one or two nights a week, pasta 2x a week, order in/eat out 1x a week and she eats leftovers the other 2 or 3 nights or I will make a side dish that she can eat as her main course (lentil salad or rice & beans, etc.) It's takes a little extra effort, but for us, it was worth eliminating the arguing over meals and getting DH to eat a healthier diet. Talk to your DD, figure out why she wants to try this and engage her in helping to plan/prepare meals.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:36 AM FlagOP: hi, thanks for responding. I suppose I could do this, but I really do already cook very healthy balanced meals so I think it is a huge PITA! My dd is already very small for her age so I don't want to just leave out protein.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:51 AM FlagGood grief, lady, we get that you are just so into your cooking but you cannot force your daughter to eat meat. She will go into the bathroom and puke it up and be EALLY unhealthy if you carry on this way. It is not such a big deal, the PITA is YOU. Treat her with the respect you would any guest in your home who politely declines meat. She does not want to eat meat. Period the end. It is probably a phase but you will only strengthen her conviction if you insist on force-feeding meat to your own child. Ugh, I miss my mom, people like you... UGH.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:56 AM FlagOP: lol. chill out lady. I am not force feeding anyone anything. My dd happens to enjoy meat. She isn't going to be puking anything. You are sort of a freak.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:03 AM FlagIf she enjoys meat she will go back to it. If he wants to be a vegetarian she will not be eating meat. You can't get your story straight and you cannot listen to anyone who doesn't support what you already decided you want to do. So glad I don't have to eat your slaved-over roast chickens!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:09 AM FlagOP: wtf are you talking about that I can't get my story straight? I haven't lied about a single thing. She has always enjoyed meat. She eats bacon by the pound! She came home this week and said "I think I want to be a vegetarian." Not one person has asked me what I SAID. only assumed.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:12 AM FlagYOU told us she wanted to be a vegetarian and wwyd. YOU told us it would be such a huge PITA for you. YOU did not day it was some passing fancy possible flying thought. YOU are a piece of work and I am done trying to help you. YOU asked for advice when yoga ctually did not want it. why should we ask what you said? WE DON'T CARE, you ASKED what we would do because you seems to want opinions but you want us to ask what you did? WHY? My daughter has not asked to be a vegetarian so I do not seek your advice. OY.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:15 AM Flag
I "suppose" you didn't really mean to ask "wwyd" but just wanted to whine and defend your position. I disagree with your position, but it will be your daughter complaining about you in therapy some day, not mine. Go ahead and cling to you reed to make roast chicken, you sound absurd, get a life.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:00 AM FlagOP: it was a freaking example! You people are freaks. You do know that most of the planet eats meat, right?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:04 AM FlagThis has nothing to do with meat. You asked for other opinions and all you can do is defend your own. You are a freaking control freak ad your daughter is trying to get out from under your smothering ways. You cannot stop yourself from basing every opinion except your own. You are a stifling personality.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:07 AM FlagOP: you are right, I asked for opinions, but what I got were accusations. Totally wrong ones! My dd is not passionate about this, she just mentioned it. Not one person has ASKED ME how I responded to my dd when she mentioned it. Not one. They all just assumed that I said no and that now I'm planning some elaborate controlling method of force feeding.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:10 AM FlagWHY WOULD WE ASK YOU WHAT YOU SAID? YOU ASKED US WHAT WE WOULD DO, AS IF YOU NEEDED ADVICE, NOT AS IF YOU JUST WANTED TO SHOW OFF WHAT YOU SAID. YOU TOLD US IT WAS A PITA AND YOU SPEND A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY ON YOUR BAKED CHICKENS. WHO WOULD WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID OR SAID? IF YOU FEEL CERTAIN OF WHAT YOU DID OR SAID, WHY WOULD YOU COME HERE ASKING? IF THIS WAS A PASSING THOUGHT SHE MENTIONED ONCE, WHY WOULD YOU BE FANTASIZING A LIFE OF COOKING SIDE VEGETABLES THAT SEEMED TO MUCH FOR YOU? GO AHEAD AND ACCUSE EVERYONE ELSE OF NOT EVEN ASKING YOU WHAT YOU DID, MY GOODNESS, YOU SO DON'T GET IT YOU ARE JUST AN IDIOT. YOU ARE RAISING MY BLOOD PRESSURE WITH YOUR STUPIDITY, LOGGING OFF, BYE.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:18 AM Flag
You need to work with your DD on this. Forcing the issue is going to create bigger problems. You cannot force feed her and if she eats around the meat that you put on her plate she's not going to be eating the healthy, balanced diet you are preparing. So unless you are prepared to be my grandmother and put last night's meat on the plate for breakfast, you are going to have to give on this one. Readjust your concept of what makes a balanced diet to include more lentils and dairy and less meat and get DD to help with meal preparation. This might be a phase or it might be the rest of her life.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:06 AM Flag
It is REALLY not such a hassle if you are cooking healthy, well-balanced meals If meat is always your main course, don't you have side dishes and sales and pasta and couscous, etc? Sounds like you are cooking really unhealthy if it is all about meat. I am not a vegetarian but always have plenty of veggies and one starch (pasta, rice, couscous) and a salad; a vegetarian would be fine if they passed on the chicken or beef or fish.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:36 AM Flagwhat are you spending all that time on? is every meal really all about meat? sounds like she will help you make healthier meals. be more open-minded. it is only a hassle if you make it one. you already like spending time on meals, just redirect the time a little.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:38 AM FlagWHY would you have to make something different every meal? Are you really eating meat EVERY meal and nothing else? You need to change anyway.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:39 AM FlagOP: fine not every meal. don't be so literal. But if I'm making a roasted chicken with vegetables and potatoes which is a family favorite, I don't want to have to make a separate protein.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:42 AM Flagstart thinking a little out of the box, would not take much to add quinoa to that meal to give her protein - the veggies and quinoa are perfect, unless she is being really adamant about no meat type product touching her food - ie wont eat the veggies cooked with the roast chicken
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:46 AM FlagJust put some of the veg and potatoes in separate dish and toss on top of some pasta or she can make a salad or help her make a vegetarian lasagna or casserole or vegetarian soup or stew (lentils, black beans) to dip into during the week. Or just give her a peanut butter sandwich with her vegetables. I think you would be super, super wrong to tell her she cannot do this, and you asked, so just giving you my opinion.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:47 AM Flag
OP: sheesh. I forgot you have to be totally literal on this site. OK not EVERY night. We sometimes eat pasta, couscous, lentils, homemade pizza so on those nights I won't have to make anything different. I thought it was obvious that I was talking about the nights I make fish, chicken, pork or beef. For a short time I thought I wanted to be a chef and I took courses at ICE. We do not eat unhealthy!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:49 AM FlagOh, well, if you took courses at ICE, in that case... !!! So a few nights a week is the issue? The night you are making your roast chicken? Jeez, let up and lighten up. Sounds like you are very invested in your cooking and you want to force the issue. Let her try the vegetarian thing and have fun with it. It is probably a phase but if not, let her take a class sat ICE herself in some vegetarian cooking. You sound like this is a power battle for you because yoga re so invested in your cooking. Back off on this one. You asked for advice so don't be like 80% of the people here and ask what others would do and then just priced to defend your position. Most of us think you should let her try to be vegetarian and not force the issue so if you care to entertain he advice you asked for, that's it.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:54 AM FlagOP: I only mentioned ICE to defend against the accusation that we must be eating so unhealthy since we are "really eating meat EVERY meal and nothing else."
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:58 AM FlagStop defending and just listen. That may be a problem for you and may be why your daughter wants to exercise a modicum of control over something in her life. Shut up and LISTEN.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:01 AM FlagOP: oh my god. My dd came home this week and said, "I think I'm going to become a vegetarian." This is HARDLY a contentious situation in our home but you people have jumped all over me making absurd assumptions. She has one foot in an ED clinic and the other in a therapist's office already to you people are really F'ed up about food!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:06 AM Flagthat is not how you presented it - we are only feeding off what you have told us, read and learn a few have done it already and few others have great ideas - it just sounds like you do not want your daughter to do this and was hoping for a unanimous NO, but that did not happen - sorry
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:12 AM FlagOP: But now I can't even see the real opinions because I'm so busy defending myself from being accused of a chicken-roasting monster. This was a mistake, I get it. You people are probably feeding off of it because you're all so hungry.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:15 AM Flag
My dd has been a vegetarian for the past three years and it is a pain in the butt. If I could go back I would definitely tell her she couldn't do it. Not only is the making extra meals a pain, but I honestly do not think she makes a good vegetarian. The reality is that her diet (and all the other tween vegetarians she knows) is really carb heavy because they don't really like a full range of vegetables. So she ears eggs, cheese, tofu, carb carb carb carb carb carb , vegetable. And dd is better than some in that she likes spinach and other leafy greens. Vegetarinism for young ones is nutrion lessons for parents of young ones.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:51 AM FlagWhat do you mean "if you could go back"? You either let your kid decide what she wants to eat or you don't. If you really believe it is okay to force a kid who wants to be a vegetarian to eat meat, force her now. Same diff.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:58 AM FlagYes,get out the gun and put it to her head and FORCE her to eat meat. Sounds perfectly reasonable.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:00 AM FlagYeah, my point is that it is as unreasonable at 10 as at 14. A ten-year-old is old enough to decide what she puts into her body. Very, very wrong to say no to this. Trust me, if you say no she will hate yoga nd she will hide the food in her mouth and throw it up later and you will begin her on the road of eating disorders. Had a friend with a mom like this and now she is bulimic, I thank Gd every day for my fantastic mom who was so cool about food.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:03 AM Flag
I have read through the thread and it is clear to me that you, OP, have some real food issues and control issues and you should really let DD try this. Sounds like you are spending too much time planning and thinking about meals if a roast chicken takes it out of you. It's just too much. Do you have a job? You are too precious about the food and it is driving her nuts inside.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:04 AM FlagMy dd said the same thing. I told her we would talk to the ped about it. The ped told her she's too young. dd agreed, but she doesn't really like meat and is a huge animal lover. I try to accommodate her as much as possible.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:06 AM FlagYour ped has a very different opinion than mine. We discussed it with our ped when DD was 5; she was using meat as a vehicle for ketchup and making it abundantly clear that she didn't like it at all. As long as she is getting protein from other sources (eggs, milk, cheese, yogurt, lentils) not eating meat was really not a problem. Even growing DCs need less protein that people think. Fortunately, we have a DD who thinks asparagus is a treat and will eat two handfulls of raw cauliflower as a snack, so her diet is not entirely carbs.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:12 AM Flag
Thanks for what? You didn't shut your yap to listen to any other opinion for one second. If you really want other opinions besides your own, I would say Okay, let's try it as a week... give it a fair week's shot and after a week she will probably be craving meat, and if not you will have gathered good info about how to help her eat vegetarian.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:12 AM FlagOP: That is VERY close to what I said to her actually but I came seeking advice after the fact and (admittedly) trying to figure out how to discourage her because it really does not fit with our lifestyle. The whole post got hijacked because this place is so ED crazy. They all assumed I was forcing a chicken down her throat as we speak. I get it. I'll leave.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:19 AM FlagNo. You do not get it. Read this thread in a week and see how incredibly defensive and posturing you are, and how you didn't really want advice and the thread spun out because you refused to listen to anyone saying it wasn't such a PITA. You spun and defended and got crazy and made everyone crazy. Honey, it is you not them.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:25 AM FlagOP: I am defensive because I was totally wronged on this thread. Sorry, but that's the fact. I was obviously not clear enough in my OP about the lack of conviction that my dd currently has about becoming vegetarian, and that was a mistake. But the vitriol that came for my "force feeding" and "controlling" my dd was completely unwarranted. But I appreciate you speaking to me in lower case letters.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:29 AM Flag
WARNING: ALTHOUGH OP ASKS WHAT WE WOULD DO AND ASKS IF SHE CAN JUST SAY NO, SHE APPARENTLY JUST WANTS US TO ASK HER WHAT SHE SAID AND TO TELL HER SHE IS AWESOME AND A WONDERFUL COOK WHO SURELY DID THE RIGHT THING, AND OH PLEASE TELL US WHAT YOU SAID BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH YOU CAME HER FOR ADVICE, YOU SOMEHOW WANT US TO ASK AND YOU CAN ADVIZE US. MEANING... DO NOT BOTHER ANSWERING THIS RIDICULOUS OP WHO DOES NOTW ANT ADVICE AT ALL, BECAUSE AS IT TURNS OUT ER DAUGHTER REALLY DOESN'T WANT TO BE A VEGETARIAN, LOVES BACON (VERY VERY UNHEALTHY BY THE WAY), AND OP ALREADY ANSWERED HER ANYWAY AND WANTS US TO ASK HER WHAT SHE ALREADY SAID.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:21 AM FlagOP: I thought you were logging off. You are a complete lunatic.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:25 AM FlagOP, you do not need to respond to every single post that you don't like. You really seem like a nutter, posting for advice and then claiming you already said something great and DD didn't really want to become veg anyway because she loves her bacon. You so silly.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:28 AM Flag
I would have the whole family go largely vegetarian as the base meal, then you can make a little something with meat as an add on. However, if she's going vegetarian, make sure she does the research to do it right, nutritionally. So many teen vegetarians end up eating like crap.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:22 AM FlagOP: see, this is what I don't want. I don't want to change the entire family's meal planning to accommodate her. It just doesn't mesh with our lifestyle. Call me selfish, but I don't think a 10yo should be calling the shots on this. I won't let her eat like crap.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:39 AM Flag
I've been there done that, and I wished I had said no to my child when she wanted to become a vegetarian at age 11. Girls usually get their full growth within two years of menarche. This is when you want your child to eat a lot of protein. I also think there's a slippery slope when it comes to food control in a child of this age. Vegetarianism can be a precursor of eating disorders.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:24 AM Flag^^^ Here's a link on the connection: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1889742,00.html
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:27 AM FlagOP: thank you. How old is your dd now and is she still vegetarian? Did you cook for her separately or just leave out whatever meat you were serving? She is not yet decided but I would very much like to discourage her, both because she is very small and because it would also be a PITA (yes, bad mommy).
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:32 AM FlagSo the only person you thank is one who support your desires... ha ha ha you are a piece of work, truly. One in 100 may agree with you but you will find that one. There was tons of good advice here but you would not listen unless it was what you wanted. Yes, you are a bad mommy, but not for the reasons you think we are saying.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:35 AM FlagDaughter is now 15. She eats more broadly now, but more along the lines of meat mixed into a dish (things like chili with ground turkey, or a chicken pasta dish). She will eat a meat serving without fuss when eating at a friends house. I am so happy she is a gracious guest.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:03 AM Flag
Don't bother with this OP. It is kind of hilarious, though. She was unable to listen to one single opinion that went against her own, had to respond to and attack every piece of advice she didn't like, had to defend and change her story... what a piece of work. And level of self-awareness? Zero.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:27 AM FlagI am OR with a vegetarian sister who suggested the "once-a-week" compromise. OP, you are not being too controlling telling a ten-year-old what to do, and I'm perturbed by the number of people who think you are. But there are issues of power and separation here -- this is about more than just food -- so however you handle this may set a pattern for your parenting of the next few years.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:29 AM FlagOP: Thank you. I am back on track now and I realize I should have ignored the attackers. I told dd that it was a big decision to make and that we would need to speak to her pediatrician first because she has always been on the very end of the H/W percentages. I think I will give her some homework and have her look for some recipes she would like to try.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:36 AM FlagYou were just dying to tell everyone what you a;ready said, hunh? Why did you actually post your initial post?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:40 AM FlagOR again: That sounds reasonable to me. Realize also that this is about food BECAUSE you make such an effort when it comes to mealtime. If you put a lot of energy into dressing the family, this would be about clothing. She is not critiquing you, she is just trying to define herself, and she starts with the center of mom's domain. Totally normal adolescence, and if you guide her choices (and let her know it's okay to separate -- slowly) you are helping her. GL!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:45 AM Flag
I would say we can try it. No, I don't think you can just say no.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:42 AM FlagI tend to cook non-meat dishes and veggie side dishes to go with meat/chicken/fish dishes. Our meals are usually vegetable heavy. She would be able to pick and choose what she'll eat from what I already make. No way would I have time or inclination to make a whole separate other meal solely for her.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:43 AM FlagGo spend time on farms where they deal with cattle and chickens and you, too, may want to be vegetarian. I just did and it was disgusting. Not just the fact that the cows "raised as beef" are being killed, but the dirtiness... made me want to go vegan. The diary cows are lying about tin their own pee and shit, the equipment doesn't look sterile in any way (this was at all the farms), the cows are inseminated every year to keep the milk flowing daily, the chickens are all in the stink... it is so utterly gross I left wanting to be vegan, and I am trying to get over my taste for beef. Truly the meat industry here is GROSS. It is not like when we hunted and ate from the hunt. It is a machine industry but the animals are not machines. And did you just read latest studies? A serving of bacon every day, etc. significantly increases chance of early death.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:49 AM Flagare you for real OP? how hard is it to boil some pasta or some eggs. A 10 yo can even do this herself. And you can do it in batches vs daily to save time - will last several days.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 09:45 AM FlagI'm not the OP, but I wouldn't allow my dd to become a vegetarian until 16. After working a long day I do not want to come home and cook two meals. I wouldn't be happy with her eating an egg and pasta all the time. Being a vegetarian and vegan is a big commitment and I don't think a ten year old can handle that on her own, and I don't have the time for that either.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 10:49 AM Flag
maybe you can tell make a large pot of lentils and one of chickpeas on the weekend (with the caveat that she is there from start to finish for the cooking) and she can have that alongside whatever else non veg you are eating. unless you make a lot of casseroles it should work. she can also boil an egg to go along with dinner. no one in my house is vegetarian although often just DH eats the animal protein but we eat a lot of lentils and chickpeas and i guess we make a lot of discrete dishes (salads, potatoes, quinoa, soup, rice plus), because i don't think it would be so hard. don't bother with soy or its substitutes. too much trouble. i assume she eats lunch at school and little animal protein for breakfast ( i know you said she likes bacon but the only thing we have time to cook in the morn in my house is oatmeal)
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 10:57 AM FlagTen year olds come home all the time with something new to do. Cook your normal meals as usual and leave meat off of her plate for two weeks, and this phase will pass.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:00 AM FlagMy son become vegetarian at 15 or 16, I just started cooking differently - I would cook one dish that everyone would eat, and separate into to loads, adding tofu/beans to one load and meat to the rest. ALways had something in the fridge ready to defrost and eat, as vegetarian dishes defenitely take more time to cook. And yes, it helped the whole family to eat better - on some days I would only cook vegetarian food, and if DH still wanted meat, it's quick to toss a chicken breast or piece of fish on the skillet , in 10 min it's done.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:07 PM FlagLet her try it for a while and see how it goes. She's 10 - this will prob pass too. But I would make her responsible for cooking her own protein if she's not eating what the family is.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 01:54 PM FlagYou may want to ask her what this means to her...total veg or eating chicken and/or fish. She may not have fully thought this out. I'd also ask her to help me plan a few veg meals a wk and she may "compromise" a bit and live with that. She does need protein now, pre-puberty so needs to understand the nutritional facts.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 02:02 PM Flag
I was a vegetarian from age 10 to my late 20s. No one else in my family was. The notion of eating meat grossed me out after dissecting cow's lungs in about 4th grade. I did not make a big fuss about it and ate plenty of protein in the form of nuts, legumes and tofu. I have eaten very little meat since then and after watching the China study do not feed my family meat on a regular basis.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 02:26 PM Flag
[+] Sigh...just got back from a girls trip in the Caribbean. 8 of us lovely ladies- mid 3... 19 replies
- years old), it would be tough for most dads to handle for more than a day, i think. I'm a single mom, and even i remember how tough it was to take care of DB alone without any help when he was newborn.... I agree it's a big job but DH would never in a million years consider it not a part of parenting and being in a partnership....
- poster above here: I'm still a single mom, can we share your DH? He sounds lovely :)...
Talk : : April 06, 2012
Sigh...just got back from a girls trip in the Caribbean. 8 of us lovely ladies- mid 30's, went to college together...it was completely wonderful to just let our hair down for 6 days without DHs and DBs, and no black berries. Everyone still looks great, but at different points of our lives- newly wed, divorced, 3 kids, no kids, SAHM, WOHM, etc. However, we still have the same bond and love for each other that we had back in the day. So it is still possible to have that female bonding experience that UB would say doesn't exist anymore...
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 06:01 AM Flag ]happy you had a great time! BUT one question...ppl still use black berries? :)
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:06 AM Flagmy dh would never go for this. who watched the kids while you were away? glad you had a great time.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:09 AM Flagnp: why wouldn't your dh go for this? Hasn't he gone away ever with his friends or on business? Happy Wife, happy home!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:10 AM FlagSeriously, you DH can't watch his own kids for a week? Wow. Either he's incompetent or you're controlling and underestimate him. I can't believe a father wouldn't be able to watch his own children by himself for a few days. Wow.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:46 AM FlagIf they still have babies (under 3 years old), it would be tough for most dads to handle for more than a day, i think. I'm a single mom, and even i remember how tough it was to take care of DB alone without any help when he was newborn to 3 years old.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:53 AM FlagI just went away on a trip from Tuesday through Saturday night. DH didn't bat an eyelash at taking care of the kids (kids are 18mos and 3). I agree it's a big job but DH would never in a million years consider it not a part of parenting and being in a partnership.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:57 AM Flag
OR: dh works 6 days/week (leaves the house at 5 am). Home at 6:30ish. He is a great dad though. We have a part-time nanny only for the days that I work. Nice attitude you've got.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:56 AM FlagYou said you DH would "never go for this". I thik you're the one with the attitude problem. You DH should support what you need and help you figure out how to achieve it. If that means getting extra help with the kids os be it but you just accepting that "he would never go for it" Strikes me at pathetic.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:55 AM Flag
OP here: now i'm really sighing now...post has decomposed into UB snarkiness ... i def did not miss this!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:12 AM Flag
[+] is it better to be divorced with children or never to have married and be without chi... 12 replies
- i should have asked this on some young singles site. it's a theoretical question and i...LOVE being divorced. I can be the best parent alone (couldn't with the wrong man)....
- have a wonderful marriage with no DCs. Every single person who responded picked wonderful marriage over being a single mom...are plenty of other ways of being a single mom that don't require co-parenting with an...
Talk : : April 05, 2012
is it better to be divorced with children or never to have married and be without children at all if you could have been able to foresee the future?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 09:01 PM Flag ]My goodness, you ask this question as though being divorced with kids is such a terrible fate! believe me, it is not. Having children is a wonderful thing, whether or not you have a partner.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:18 PM Flagwell, now that i've poted, i can see that it was very badly worded and maybe not right for UB b/c we all already have children and who can imagine life without them. maybe i should have asked this on some young singles site. it's a theoretical question and i wanted to see what people thought unbiasedly -- but i think we are all too biased at this point.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:21 PM Flagnp: But if you have never had dc how can you know what you would be giving up if you never had them? Your theoretical question is unanswerable.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 05:59 AM FlagI remember a post here several months ago where someone asked if you would rather have DCs and raise them ALONE or have a wonderful marriage with no DCs. Every single person who responded picked wonderful marriage over being a single mom...except for myself and two others. One woman put it best: DCs--I could never miss out on this. I was so shocked there were only three of us in agreement! (Fast forward to now, and here I am in the middle of a messy divorce. And I wouldn't miss this for anything, still.)
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:06 PM Flag
She is asking because she is contemplating marrying the wrong man for the sake of having children. Right, OP? Settling is a very hard journey, so do be sure you can't do it on our own or be happily single. You might want to rephrase this as is it better to be alone or unhappily married.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 10:56 PM Flag-
Depends on why you think you might get divorced, and how old you are. If you're just someone who's scared of marriage, I say go for it. If you are marrying a jerk just for the sake of kids, don't do it. These days there are plenty of other ways of being a single mom that don't require co-parenting with an a-hole.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 05:12 AM Flag
Subscribe to our newsletters!
Go »Inside UrbanBaby
UrbanBabyBuzz
Probably the picture right to the side here, probably already has you judging this show. If so, Netflix’s description of the plot may turn you off still further: “Journey to the enchanted land of Equestria, where young unicorn ...
More »
UrbanBabyNewYork
A changing body during or after pregnancy means you’re ready to rethink your workout routine. Instead of denouncing the gym for weeks, then working yourself into a frenzy of Bikram yoga, spin and sprints in the park, it’s time for a ...
More »