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[+] My 3 year old loves coffee, I have to hide mine or she sips it when I'm not looking. ... 19 replies
- Haha. Child endangerment! Ugh. Bailey's makes me sick to my stomach. Always has, always will. I avoid it like the plague....
- No way should you be giving your 3 year old coffee. You need to work on getting her to eat more in the morning and not trying to be lazy and give her coffee. Be a parent not a barista....
Talk : : April 10, 2012
My 3 year old loves coffee, I have to hide mine or she sips it when I'm not looking. I have been having a hard time getting her to eat in the morning & our pediatrician said to give her pediasure in the morning but she hates it. Even though it would be against every maternal instinct I have, I am considering adding a splash of my coffee to her pediasure & putting it in a travel coffee mug for her (btw already tried just pediasure in coffee mug - didn't work). Just how horrid is this idea?
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 08:22 PM Flag ]Every kid my mother raised drank milk with a bit of coffee and sugar. We're all fine. But what about something like Carnation Instant Breakfast. Add a splash of coffee to that and you've got breakfast to go
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:29 PM FlagI suppose desperate times and all that. However, if she isn't taking the pediasure either, it's probably something else. Is there enough time between wake up and the next thing? Maybe she hasn't had enough time to be hungry?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:29 PM FlagThat's probably part of it. On weekends, she will pick at food slowly (as in one grape, go play, come back for another grape). She also really doesn't like any food with nutrients... If it were up to her, she would only eat grapes, clementines, cheese its & maybe if she's hungry enough a banana. I need to get something in her before school because daycare is too distracting and she would rather talk & play than eat!!
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:37 PM Flag
Coffee has invaded our society. When I was growing up, I couldn't imagine a more disgusting drink than coffee. Blech! It wasn't until after college that I grew to tolerate it. How did a 3 yo even have the opportunity to taste coffee in the first place?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:30 PM Flaglol -- i'm the first OR -- we gave our 2 yo a sip of bailey's on a flight b/c she wanted it and hey, it was included with the flight -- told ya horrible parents! the flight attendant was a little surprised, but it was just a teeny weensy sip. you gotta knock those kids out on flights - j/k. kids want crap you're having. but i still cannot stand the taste of coffee -- especially that aftertaste. yuck-o.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:33 PM FlagHaha. Child endangerment! Ugh. Bailey's makes me sick to my stomach. Always has, always will. I avoid it like the plague.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:37 PM FlagHaha - the flight attended probably thought you were the best parents on the flight!! How have you lasted on UB?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:40 PM Flag
[+] Is it normal to constantly be reminding 9 & 1/2 year old girls to brush their teeth, ... 56 replies
- I have ds's and posted this morning about how stressful this morning was. I'm tired of reminding...for them. Sorry but for most moms nagging and morning go together....
- OP: I don't nag often. I nagged this morning, hence the frustrated post. We've been doing this..."? I remind my kids (10 and 6) every morning and every evening to brush their teeth and do...'m at a loss. One time I was really sick and forgot to remind them to shower and they...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Is it normal to constantly be reminding 9 & 1/2 year old girls to brush their teeth, put on glasses, wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? I am always micromanaging and I want them to be more responsible. The only thing I really do for them is make dinner. They usually make their own cereal, toast, lunch on weekends. What's the worst that can happen if I just drop it all? Well, my daughter will touch everything including food after pooping, and 2 of them had cavities.
56 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 05:18 AM Flag ]Depends on the kid, but I'd say it's normal. Would you feel differently if she were a boy? I think the expectations are higher for girls.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:21 AM Flag-
Nagging them? Are you out of your mind? Have you ever tried to get 3 kids under 9 up and ready for school and out the door on time? It would not happen without nagging. Yes you can let them fail and be late but then the bus leaves or they then make other kids late because the bus waited for them. Sorry but for most moms nagging and morning go together.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:32 AM FlagYes I am able to do that but you said micromanaging which is code for nagging-if they want to have bad breath and have kids make fun of them for their green teeth so be it....peer pressure works wonders ....and if they want to wear sandals in snow or red shoes with green socks who cares
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:41 AM FlagBad breath isn't the problem with not brushing your teeth, it's dental hygiene and it's not negotiable. Ditto handwashing after the bathroom. You can't control what they do at school or outside of your house, but I do think you've got to stay on them in the house, in restaurants, etc.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:04 AM Flag
Let me guess you're one of those moms with a full time nanny who arrives at 7:00am. You leave for your pilates, trainer or spin class while the nanny gets dcs off to school and deals with all the stress involved and then you try and tell other moms what to do?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:33 AM Flag
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WHat happens if she doesn't do it? I have the same issue with cavities and handwashing.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:36 AM Flagthe washing hands and brushing teeth isn't negotiable. tell her that, and don't let her do anything until she's done those. really, these are training issues that you should have addressed much earlier so you can save your energy for the big stuff that comes now.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:45 AM Flag
OP: My mother was not very involved with us so I am all up in their business. I realized that I don't want to be a control freak so I am not all over everything they do anymore. I have let a lot of stuff go, a lot of stuff, but hand washing and teeth cleaning is not excessive! I don't want poop germs in my bread bag! I don't want my children to have painful teeth problems as adults.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:03 AM Flag
have extra set of toothbrushes and purell in the kitchen. Have a post it note on the door to the kitchen. Tell them to brush and wash before breakfast...
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:47 AM Flagstop with the purell, it doesn't help - it makes things worse. tell them to do as they're told. sheeesh. don't hide from the hard stuff. man up and be a parent.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:49 AM FlagOP: Umm, I tell them to brush their teeth. Often times I have to tell them again 10 minutes later. I ask one in particular if she washed her hands after using the restroom and 75% of the time, she hasn't...she already knows that means go do it. Please tell me how you suggest I "man up & parent".
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:07 AM FlagI don't think that's really what she's asking about. She wants to know when she can stop telling them to "do as their told" so they can do it themselves. Right?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:25 AM Flag-
Sure. But sometimes they don't do it, especially when they get to the age when they start doing things for themselves. I worked in a middle school for a period of time and almost NONE of the girls washed their hands in the bathroom. If they did, they rinsed the tip of their fingers and that was it. No soap. I'm sure their mothers told them to wash all throughout their young lives and set a routine.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:49 AM Flag-
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If you want to raise irresponsible children who don't listen - sure. Otherwise stop the nagging. If you catch them 'forgetting' to do something run of the mill like brush teeth or wash hands, lose a privilege for a day. 2days next time. 3 the next time. No nagging, no reminding. Just set expectations.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:35 AM FlagSo, you are not going to ask them or you are going to ask them and then take a privilege? Sounds like nagging to me.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:48 AM FlagNo - my kids know they need to do basic things like wash their hands and brush their teeth - they've been doing it since 1YO. If I caught them forgetting, I'd tell them to go do it and if I caught them again, no ______ today. If I caught them again, they'd lose the privilege and I'd remind them why and that if it happened again, they'd lose it for 2-days... They wouldn't forget again because they know I am serious.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:52 AM Flag
I'm really surprised at these responses. What is the big deal about telling a CHILD "honey, don't forget to brush your teeth" or "please go brush your teeth now"? I remind my kids (10 and 6) every morning and every evening to brush their teeth and do a million other things (put on your coat, take off your shoes, put your hw in your bag, brush your hair etc.).
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:42 AM FlagMy dds are the same way, they are 8 & 10. I have to remind every single day or they walk out the door with unbrushed hair and teeth. I'm at a loss. One time I was really sick and forgot to remind them to shower and they both went at least five days without bathing. UGH
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:45 AM Flagmy ds is 12 and I still remind him. Not really about washing his hands after going to the bathroom (he's got the down) but definitely about brushing his teeth and other things. Boys are slobs though. He went to sleepaway camp and his toothpaste and soap seemed unused when he came home
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 11:02 AM Flag^^will add, it was a boys sleepaway camp and I think they were all slobs collectively. My DH says that once he starts being interested in girls, it will take care of itself. and I think that might be the case for girls too (once they are interested in boys, they will care more about grooming, not wanting to have bad breath or uncombed hair or whatever)
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 11:10 AM Flag
[+] I feel so bad I yelled at my dc this morning. He was so annoying, complained about th... 6 replies
- op again: does anyone have tips to for non-stressful mornings? Mornings always seem stressful around here....
- I'm right there with you! Although I have so much patience in the morning, I can really get ANNOYED in the evening!...
- My kids annoy me every morning lol sometimes yelling is what it takes to get them to behave. I find setting my alarm 15 minutes earlier very helpful in...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
I feel so bad I yelled at my dc this morning. He was so annoying, complained about the egg sandwich I made him and is becoming negative. I should know better and I yelled that I was sick of his attitude. I apologized but just feel badly. Anyone else think their kids is annoying? Please no flames. Love my dc and morning just off to a poor start.
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 04:47 AM Flag ]
[+] what do you do when everything is effort and you have zero motivation for anything? M... 4 replies
- are you having morning sickness? Mine went away at 12 weeks and I started feeling more motivated at work. Not THAT motivated, but not as bad as before...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
what do you do when everything is effort and you have zero motivation for anything? My OB says this is normal symptom of pg, but I'm worried I will get fired. I am letting everyone one down, and still can't get my act together.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 05:54 PM Flag ]Half the time I just phone my job in. But I am really good at faking that I work really hard. ha ha. I really mean that. I excel at making it look like I do an amazing job. But I don't. What I really care about and pour all my energy into is my kids. They are number one. Job is number 3.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:03 PM Flaghow far along are you? I felt like this for the first 10 weeks of pregnancy. Its getting better now in the second trimester. I still don't feel terribly motivated but I have more energy and I'm doing better at my job
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:04 PM Flag-
[+] When did you tell your family/close friends you were expecting? When did you tell wor... 7 replies
- Mom found out when I was 8 weeks and had an attack of morning sickness in her house. Dad found out later that day (I know Mom couldn't keep something like that from him, so I called him). ILs/friends found out around 12 weeks. I told my boss at 20 weeks (who looked at me and said "I was wondering when you were going to say something.")...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
When did you tell your family/close friends you were expecting? When did you tell work?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 01:00 PM Flag ]Mom found out when I was 8 weeks and had an attack of morning sickness in her house. Dad found out later that day (I know Mom couldn't keep something like that from him, so I called him). ILs/friends found out around 12 weeks. I told my boss at 20 weeks (who looked at me and said "I was wondering when you were going to say something.")
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:03 PM FlagWith #1, we told pretty much everyone when we found out--insane. With #2, I told my best friend when I found out, then everyone else at 12 weeks or so. Told mil and fil and the rest of dh's family at about 25 weeks (I'd had a m/c just before #2 was conceived and we told ils at 6 weeks--also told them not to tell anyone. Mil didn't listen. So we told them very late the next time). #3, 12 weeks.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:15 PM Flag
[+] Nanny here. On Friday I was home-bound with the kids because the baby was sick. I sta... 207 replies
- in writing because she leaves before I arrive in the morning, and often leaves notes for me. Though I wish she'...with a text about borrowing a tampon or taking her sick child to the store!", or who would think to tell...
- 2 tampons is a mooch? You prefer she drag your sick baby to the store? Ridiculous!...
- at night, obviously. The OP posted a few times late morning, and not since....
- A question. If the dc were not sick, would you have driven...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Nanny here. On Friday I was home-bound with the kids because the baby was sick. I started my period and realized I didn't have tampons with me, so throughout the day I used a couple of tampons from my boss's bathroom. A room I am in all the time because I have cleaning a laundry duties. Today I arrived at work to a note from her saying "I know you are using my tampons, and possibly other items" and went on to rant about trust, me "snooping", and how much this bothered her. This is probably the third or so time in 2.5 years that I've used anything of hers, and I wasn't "snooping". I know exactly where they are because I do the shopping and putting away of these items! Using a couple seemed more logical than dragging a sick baby out to buy them. I'm trying to calm down, but I'm a bit surprised and hurt by this. Who's being unreasonable here?
207 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 07:15 AM Flag ]-
ITA insane. So passive aggressive and bizarre. Wow that would make me furious if i were you, OP!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:18 AM Flag^^^I would speak to her face to face, OP -- and ask her what she'd suggest in the future. Can you a) keep your tampons at her house in case of an emergency and b) if you get your period or need some sort of basic health supply and the baby is sick, would she prefer that you take the baby out with you to CVS? This is so infuriating I am actually annoyed on your behalf!!!!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:19 AM Flag
I guess maybe you should have texted her to ask if you could borrow, but I also think she is being unreasonable.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:19 AM FlagReally? I would be kind of like WHAT? if someone texted me at work to ask if they could borrow a bandaid, or a few tylenol, or a tampon. This boss sounds awful but at least she's gone before OP arrives so she doesn't have to deal w/her too much.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:21 AM FlagI posted below that I thought OP should've told her employer. I don't think I expect a text asking permission but a "Oh, I had to use some of your tampons" at the end of the day would've avoided a lot of problems.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:23 AM Flagnp: This. She may just feel like her personal space was violated.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:25 AM FlagOP: But I'm the one who purchases and organizes ALL of her products in this bathroom. I also do all of her laundry and put it away. So I'm in this area ALL the time. If I was regularly using her products, I would understand but we're talking about something that has happened maybe 3 times in 2.5 years.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:27 AM Flag
Dear Boss: Today I used 7.5 squares of toliet paper, three tampons and one bottle of Fiji water. I hope this is OK. Best, Nanny X.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:28 AM Flag
If only to avoid what has happened - the mom is now able to make all kinds of insane claims on missing items etc. If nanny had texted to ask, the mom wouldn't have that.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:24 AM Flag
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She's overreacting but maybe you should've told her you borrowed some of her items.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:20 AM FlagIt's one of those things that just didn't cross my mind at the time. She has Costco sized packages of every size tampon in her bathroom closet. I used two, and this is truly one of two or three times ever that I've used something of theirs (including food, band-aids, etc.). With the baby being sick on top of that it didn't even cross my mind that it would be an issue. Clearly I will ask about everything going forward.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:23 AM Flag
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for not telling. THat's it. Not for using, just for not communicating. Sometimes having a job takes a degree of shit eating. THis is one of those points if op wants to continue to work for this babe.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:09 AM FlagOP: I agree with this. I am going to explain what happened and tell her that I'm sorry I wasn't clear with her about it. I don't feel like I really did anything wrong, but I also don't think that's the main point. She's my boss, it is her house, and if it's something that really bothers her it's my job to act accordingly. I think she's being petty, but I think we're all petty about certain things. I'm not going to give her some grand apology for my "snooping", as I was not doing that at all. But apologizing for the misunderstanding and lack of communication is reasonable even if she's mad for silly reasons.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:38 AM Flag
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That's insane. I hear stuff like this all the time from our nanny's friends. I don't know how you guys work for people like this.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:21 AM FlagThis was in writing? Crazy mommy alert. Very briefly tell her what happened - got period, no tampons, used yours rather than drag DCs to store, know where they are bc I put them away. Tell her she is wrong and that you are very offended that she would accuse you of these things. Basically, give her a chance to step up and apologize. If she doesn't, start looking.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:22 AM FlagYes, it was in writing because she leaves before I arrive in the morning, and often leaves notes for me. Though I wish she'd just waited and talked to me about it at the end of the day.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:26 AM FlagShe certainly should have waited. I really do think that she needs to be set straight so that she can apologize. I'm an employer (live-in) and if I actually thought that she was snooping it would totally poison our relationship. I would rather be embarrassed by my own overreaction to something and still have a great nanny than feel I needed to start looking for a replacement for a nanny I no longer trusted.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:29 AM Flag
She's feeling violated and probably guilty that she wasn't there for her sick baby so she's childishly lashing out. Talk to her, but she sounds like a childish a-hole.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:22 AM FlagOMG they're freaking tampons, not like you were leaving used ones in plain site. She needs to get a grip. TELL HER WHY YOU USED THEM. Make her feel like shit (in a nice tone of course)
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:28 AM FlagLook for a new job. This woman is clearly NOT a woman if she would begrudge you a few tampons.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:32 AM FlagOP: I'm not quite ready to do that as I have been with them a long time and this behavior is the exception. We'll see how things go when we talk tonight.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:37 AM FlagI'm glad you're going to talk to her because she is acting like her tampons are made out of gold or she's smuggling drugs in them or diamonds. She should know that you were in a bind and put the care of her dcs ahead of anything that day.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:39 AM Flag^^ and bring her a small box of tampons to replace the ones that you used so she could feel like shit after you tell her about putting her kids first
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:41 AM FlagI have the same kind with me today, since today I remembered to bring some from home. I'll have to be sure to give her the replacements when we talk tonight.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:45 AM FlagDon't do that OP - then you are directly calling out her for being petty and that's not the issue here for her or for you
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:47 AM Flagnp; What? Her boss needs to be called out. She can tell her that it was her intention all along to replace what she used but she was caught in a bind since the kids were sick. If the boss isn't a nutjob she will not accept it and tell her it's ok I over reacted
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:57 AM Flag
OP: Thanks for the responses! I think I'm going to talk to her tonight, explain what I used and why, and ask her how she'd prefer I handle it in the future. I don't really think I have anything to apologize for other than the "sorry for the misunderstanding" sort of apology. Part of me wants to ask her more directly where she gets off being mad about this after all the time and effort I've put in to this job. But I'm thinking I should leave that alone unless her response to me tonight continues to be as angry as this letter.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:44 AM FlagGood luck OP. Maybe don't ask her where she gets off but DO say that you were hurt by the accusations because they couldn't be further from the truth.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:46 AM FlagOP: Thanks:) I know "where do you get off..." would not be the ideal phrasing! I'm going to start with telling her what happened, and see what she says. Then I'll probably say I'm hurt and confused by being accused of snooping and/or being untrustworthy, but it depends on how she responds.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:49 AM FlagI agree with this. In order to clear your mind of hurt of the unjust accusation, I think I would mention that you felt hurt by her suspicions and this is the only time you took something and you love working with her family and would never want them to not trust you. That's the basic issue after all -- trust.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:51 AM Flag
OP: The more I think about this, the weirder it seems that she even noticed I used these. How do you notice two tampons when you have an entire shelf of jumbo sized boxes in every size? I wasn't intentionally hiding that I used these, but it'
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:52 AM Flag-
I agree. Things aren't adding up. How would mom notice 2 tampons missing? Why would she, in writing, accuse OP of snooping. Even the craziest employer is unlikely to do this. And, OP says she does the shopping for the tampons then later she makes it sound like the mom buys large bulk stuff from COstco. I have a feeling that this isn't fake, but that something LIKE this happened, but that we're not getting the whole story
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:30 AM Flag-
^all of the mom's shopping for things like tampons and all of the mom's laundry?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:31 AM FlagOP: This has been part of my job description for awhile. They offered me a raise in exchange for handling everyone's laundry, grocery shopping, and some light cleaning around the house. I gladly took them up on this as I can use the money and can manage the extra duties. I know other nannies with responsibilities like this. It all depends on the needs of the family, what they are willing to pay, and what the nanny is willing to do.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:42 AM Flag
OP: 1. I am as baffled as you as to how she noticed, and posted as much above. 2. It was done in writing because she typically leaves me notes as she is already gone when I arrive in the morning. And I'm as confused as you by the snooping accusation (as I said). 3. I do the Costco shopping for the family. As well as a lot of other shopping. It's not part of every nanny's job description, but it is a part of mine. What I have recounted is what happened.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:34 AM Flagnp Has anything like this happened before? Is there anything else going on that might explain some of this? I don't think this is fake either, but I'm curious....is there more to the story, OP?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:34 AM FlagOP: No. Unless there is something I don't know about. I do not use there stuff. This is REALLY the second or third time that something like this has happened ever. I can think of maybe once that I've used a band-aid, and there's probably been a time or two I don't recall in 2.5 years. But there was no other issue I'm aware of that led to this. I used the two tampons Friday, and came in to this note today.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:31 AM Flag
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nutcase but next time, just write a note saying you had to use it so she knows you know she knows. are you sure you don't want to get a new job?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:17 AM FlagOP: It's not something that had even crossed my mind prior to this. And one incident might be a silly reason to throw away 2.5 years of generally good times. But we'll see how I feel after I talk to her.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:18 AM Flagbe careful when you talk to her, though. i wouldn't say anything about getting a new job and i wouldn't even allude to it. the market is very, very tough for nannies. even really good ones are having a hell of a time finding a new job. i know good nannies who have been out of work for over a year. i'm sure OP is aware of this.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:24 AM FlagOP: I certainly would not bring that up in this conversation. It's not even something I'm considering unless our talk tonight goes in a really bad direction.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:37 AM Flagthat's my point though, even if it does go in a bad direction, you should not threaten to quit unless you can afford to be out of work for a long time. you should find a new job before you mention anything about quitting.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:40 AM FlagI am not planning to bring it up tonight. What I meant was quitting is something that I would not even consider internally unless our conversation goes very poorly. Even then I would give myself a lot of time to think about it and consider my options before saying anything to my boss.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:57 AM Flag
Kinda weird. I've always told our nanny that she can make herself tea or take a Tylenol if she needs one, etc., and just let me know so that I realize when we need to replenish (our nanny doesn't do the shopping).
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:26 AM FlagOP: My boss is kind to me in many ways. She's never really discussed use of this stuff one way or the other, and the VAST majority of the time I've never touched anything of theirs, so it's never been an issue. I don't want her to sound like a completely insane boss, because generally, I have no complaints. This situation took me by surprise, though.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:19 AM Flag
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OP: Like I said above, the fact that she even noticed is kind of odd to me...
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:35 AM FlagIt's her home, OP. Do you have a home where someone doesn't go through your things and use whatever they want?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:44 AM FlagI don't go through her things and use whatever I want. I used 2 tampons. The third or so time in my entire history with them that I've used ANYTHING of theirs, including food, medicine, lotion, band-aids, etc. I was not trying to be sneaky, just saying I'm surprised she noticed at all because there is an entire shelf of tampons in every size in her bathroom. An entire shelf that I do the shopping and restocking for, so it's not unusual for me to be in there. I was simply surprised that she would notice two tampons at all considering our arrangement.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:02 AM Flag-
I posted above. Somebody could steal all of my tampons, box and all, and I wouldn't notice.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:09 AM Flag-
No, the point is who was being unreasonable. We're maintaining that the homeowner has been unreasonable here.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:37 PM Flag-
Because she made wild accusations in note form, totally out of par with the scope of the "offense".
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:47 PM Flag-
It kind of was. It was 2 tampons, right? Who's to say that she could have misplaced them in an alternate purse. Is she inventorying tampons at the end of each day? This is crazy behavior. I would absolutely never value 2 tampons over a happy relationship with my nanny.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:02 PM Flag
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if you don't mind sharing, OP, what are your hours and how much are you paid? also, are you in NYC?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:40 AM FlagNot NYC. I'm in Charlotte, NC. Work 7:30am - 6:30pm, M-F, and am expected to be available to stay late on short notice. If I want to do something specific after work in the evening, I tell them about it at least 3-4 days in advance. Two kids. Ages 2.5, and 9 months. I make $40,000 on the books.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:11 AM FlagWait, wait - you have no guarantee of working or being paid for those extra hours, but you're supposed to apprise them of your availability?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:20 AM FlagNo, no. If I work the extra hours, I'm paid for them at an hourly rate. And because they know it will happen somewhat often we agreed that I would keep the few hours after work open OR give them a few days notice if I had plans immediately after work. I'm fine with this arrangement because I'm paid accordingly.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:25 AM FlagYou should know that this is a huge coup for them to be able to count on your time but not have to compensate you for keeping that time open.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:38 PM Flagbeing flexible and available to stay late at a moment's notice is within a normal nanny job description. it's not like OP is required to keep her weekends open.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:04 PM Flag+1. I'm a nanny with a similar arrangement. This is common enough. It's not like OP can't do things on week nights. She just has to let them know if there is a night she definitely needs to leave on time. Same with my job. It has never even one time caused me to miss something I wanted to do, and I'm paid extra for agreeing to this.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:18 AM Flag
OP: No, because they pay me extra for being willing to do this. They also pay me double time when I actually work those hours AND any time I want to do something I simply have to let them know a few days ahead of time. Not to mention that it only happens once a week at most.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:57 AM Flag
wait, you have to clear your own personal evening plans with them a few days in advance? are you live in?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:26 AM FlagI live out. If I have plans that require me to leave right at 6:30, I clear that with them a couple days in advance. This is something I agreed to, and was paid a little extra for up front. It's not an issue for me since my evening plans tend to be flexible, and they always accommodate when I tell them in advance.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:29 AM Flag^By "clear that with them", I mean I tell them. As long as I tell them a few days ahead of time, they make sure to be home on time. It's not like they can veto my evening plans. They just need the heads up because it's not uncommon with their work to end up working later than expected.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:31 AM Flag
You should have asked. That is just the way it is. If you couldn't ask BEFORE you used them, you should have told her afterwards. I have had the misfortune of having a nanny read every piece of mail, use whatever she wanted, and basically had a free-for-all in my house. It is not fun.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:43 AM FlagAre you equating taking two tampons with reading mail? God, you people are insane.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:10 AM FlagI have been with them for 2.5 years and never use her stuff or read her mail. Obviously I will ask going forward, but I don't see how I should have seen this coming. She is extremely busy at work. I contact her with questions when they are very important only, and even then she may or may not get back to me for an hour. When I realized I had started my choices were to drive a couple miles to a CVS with a very sick baby and a toddler, text her and wait an hour or so for a response, or just put the tampon in. Clearly this is something that bothers her, so in the future I'll do something different. But what I did makes sense, and is nothing like reading mail.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:15 AM Flag^^Also, I agree that if I can not ask I'll tell her afterwards in the future. It was an extremely busy day with a sick baby, and it just did not cross my mind. It was a non-event in the grand scramble of the day. Going forward I will do this, but I don't think I was in the wrong. Particularly in a way that warrants accusations of snooping and questioning her trust in me.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:23 AM Flag
What about your story has anything to do with the OP's? Using a couple tampons and "basically having a free-for-all" are drastically different things.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:07 AM Flag-
Using a couple of tampons is no big deal, but since you didn't mention it after the fact (and she somehow found out you took the tampons), she is probably assuming that you take/use her other stuff as well. If you'd said, "I hope you don't mind, I took a couple of tampons the other day. I started my period early and didn't want to run to the store with a sick db," I'm sure she wouldn't care. It's the fact that you didn't tell her that's bugging her. She probably thinks you take/use her stuff all the time and this is the one time she caught you at it. She thinks you're a sneaky freeloader.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:32 AM FlagOh come on, the OP took 2 tampons!?! Who cares (or even notices?!?) that sort of thing? The OP's boss is crazy as far as I am concerned. The OP in this post sounds very rational and mature (even-keeled and a good head on her shoulders). As someone who has had nannies/babysitters, I'd actually feel weirder about someone feeling the need to explain that they got their period, needed tampons etc... I don't need to know!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:42 AM FlagOP: I will certainly tell her in the future. It was a crazy day, and it never crossed my mind. Especially since I do all the restocking of these items, and generally know more about what is on hand in her house than she does because of my job description. Beyond that I have been with them for such a long time that discovering 2 missing tampons should not lead her to the conclusion that I use things all the time (I don't...ever). It's hurtful to think something so small would lead her to question my trustworthiness.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:45 AM Flag-
np It's weird to me that even a few of you have this view point. The nanny has been with them for a long time. If she was using their things inappropriately they would have figured this out long before two tampons went missing. Further, I think the most normal thing to do is what the OP did. Who would think "Oh, I better bother my boss at work with a text about borrowing a tampon or taking her sick child to the store!", or who would think to tell someone they used a tampon?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:02 AM FlagOR: I guess I'm a strange person, then, because I wouldn't take something from my boss (or any person, other than a family member or good friend) without letting them know!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:53 PM FlagWhen you're a nanny you practically live in someone's house. I'm a nanny (not OP) and my jobs have always been very much like being in the home of a family member or good friend. They are my employers, but we have a close relationship that is very similar to my friends. In the situation OP describes it would not cross my mind to mention a tampon to my boss. Not out of deception. It just simply would not enter my mind that this is something she'd even WANT to know.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:03 AM Flag
Gay Uncle here. I think we're all missing a salient point here (except for a few sharp posters): who the hell notices two tampons missing from a box?? Especially a supposedly busy working mom. Seriously? Does she also keep an accurate count of the number of Ritz crackers left in the box, too? How about Kleenex or toilet paper -- or does nanny actually get a pass on using those?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:53 AM Flag-
Popular post! Out of curiousity, how old are you, OP? What's your educational background, your experience with kids, and how long have you been a nanny?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:35 AM Flag-
It sounds like she's become convinced you're pilfering her supplies, shopping from her Costco closet. Or she's mad about other things she can't name and is focusing on this "misdeed". What keeps you in Charlotte?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:19 PM FlagBe careful. Someone she knows or her might be reading this. Maybe you want to get caught?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:56 PM FlagYes, the OP better be careful or she might get outed for menstruating while working for a crazy person.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:59 PM FlagLulz, this. I just read through this post and I can't believe anyone here is defending the mom. Newsflash: if you're on the mom's side here, you have just learned that you're probably a total PITA to your own nanny. Congratulations.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:07 PM FlagIf your employee feels you are a PITA- she should leave. You have the right to ask people not to use your things in your house.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:10 PM Flag-
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The question was reasonableness. You can ask somebody to do whatever you want, but that doesn't mean it's reasonable.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:38 PM FlagITA. My nanny once tried to urinate in my bathroom, can you imagine? Using my water and my toilet paper without checking first OR apologizing after. I can't stand this new breed of entitled help.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:40 PM FlagSo you think that nanny has to bring her own toilet paper, tissues, paper towels, etc. when she come to work or else she's "using things" in her employers house in an unacceptable way? Do you bring all of that stuff to your office?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:48 PM Flag-
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the women you work for is a psycho to leave a note like that. there are a lot of them in new york in every occupation. this is how you deal with psychos: you need to call them out on everything, face to face. when you have a moment of time with her, bring it up politely and professionally. tell her the position you were in and the reason why you did it -- and then don't think about it ever again. i do understand why your boss would be a little annoyed however -- you need to tell her these things upfront -- don't wait a day or for her to find out.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:25 PM FlagI think the way you plan to handle it sounds great, OP. GL. My only suggestion would be to show empathy, which can go a long way. Something like, I understand that it can be hard to have someone in your home all the time, and I can understand why my not mentioning it could make you upset, but I didn't mention it because I so rarely ever use anything of yours and I really didn't think it was a big deal, especially because I did it to protect db from being taken out in the cold. I really value our relationship and I enjoy working with the kids, so I hope you'll just continue to communicate with me if you think something needs to be improved. I think something like that should put you both back on the right track. and btw, I think it's fairly clear why she wrote a letter -- she felt uncomfortable confronting you in person, but she had something she wanted to say. I wouldn't get wound up about that -- better that she say something in a letter than quietly resent you for reasons you cannot fathom. GL.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:49 PM Flag^^ and btw, I think it's fairly clear why she wrote a letter -- she felt uncomfortable confronting you in person, but she had something she wanted to say. I wouldn't get wound up about that -- better that she say something in a letter than quietly resent you for reasons you cannot fathom. GL.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:02 PM FlagNO! Way too groveling a response to a situation where the OP did nothing wrong.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:11 PM FlagOR, here: in this particular situation, there is no "right and wrong". This is strictly a matter of employer vs. employee perspective. Doing it as I have suggested will save OP's job, smooth things over, and get the relationship back on track. Doing things your way (I did nothing wrong!) could well get her fired before she's ready to lose her job, and that's not helpful for anyone.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:03 AM Flag
The truth is, we are getting your version of events. Every mom I have ever known has been so protective and careful with their nannies that they let them get away with A LOT. In addition, her baby was sick. I find it hard to believe that she is picking a fight over a couple of tampons. There may have been more, there may be a camera, OP may have snooped and not realized what the Mom knows. The way that it is presented here cannot possibly be true. If the nanny does ALL the tampon shopping and putting away and there are boxes and boxes, how COULD the Mom know nanny used two tampons?? Nanny isn't telling the whole story.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:20 PM FlagA question. If the dc were not sick, would you have driven all the way to the drug store to buy some tampons, or would you have used hers. Just curious. You would have been totally in the right to use them, I was just interested to hear how you would have handled it.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:50 PM FlagOK. This is bothering me, too: how would she have known they're gone? My theory is that a wrapper was left in the trash and was visible. If that's not true, this is one crazy mamma. Nanny, please update us.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:28 PM Flaghttp://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/54233896
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:20 AM Flag
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[+] I have to wake up teen DS in the middle of the night every night for medicine. He has... 11 replies
- Just greet him every morning with whatever curses he gave you the night before. "Oh, f!@#-head! You're alive! Thank goodness you have such a...into kissing their kids' asses, aren't they? When I was growing up, we never dreamed of cursing at our parents -- sick or not. If my brother ever -- EVER, even to this day -- cursed at our mother, Dad would have smashed his face...
Talk : : April 07, 2012
I have to wake up teen DS in the middle of the night every night for medicine. He hasn't ben able to have a full night sleep in awhile, which is pretty devastating in terms of exhaustion, etc. How understanding/pissed would you be if, given the fact that he is in a dead sleep, and very hard to awaken, he cursed you out almost every time? It's failr clear from some other nonsensical stuff he says that he really isn't awake, and is having a very hard time waking up. It's not just to take a quick pill, either. It's more complicated.
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.07.12, 02:46 AM Flag ]I'm sorry about this. It must be frustrating. I wouldn't be posses at him. Remember when he was a baby screaming wat night? Now he can talk. He's just upset.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 05:04 AM FlagJust greet him every morning with whatever curses he gave you the night before. "Oh, f!@#-head! You're alive! Thank goodness you have such a wonderful mother who makes it so!"
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 06:11 AM Flagbetter to be the adult and say "Honey, I know it's hard to have to wake up, but I have to do it too and I'd appreciate you not cursing at me." Said while looking sternly straight into his eyes.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 06:19 AM FlagWow. Mothers today are really into kissing their kids' asses, aren't they? When I was growing up, we never dreamed of cursing at our parents -- sick or not. If my brother ever -- EVER, even to this day -- cursed at our mother, Dad would have smashed his face in, and rightfully so.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 12:47 PM Flag
i don't think there is much you can do about it. i think teenage boys are cursers and if he's not quite awake that's probably what comes out. someone here once said that had a rule with DH during baby days that anything said after 2am didn't count. if you really think he's asleep than i would just let it go. dealing with whatever makes him need the meds is already a lot.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 12:44 PM Flag
[+] pet peeve: there are eight stalls in the bathroom. the woman who enters the bathroom ... 65 replies
- What's not healthy about pooping in the morning before you leave home?...
- it in during the day if you have to go. If you're naturally a morning pooper, great! But if you get in the habit of holding it in all day...
- so sick of that term...
Talk : : April 06, 2012
pet peeve: there are eight stalls in the bathroom. the woman who enters the bathroom while you're in stall 2 should NOT choose stall 1 or stall 3. is this my OCD or are we in agreement?
65 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 11:18 AM Flag ]I don't care which stalls are chosen. I just wince at the women who feel fine letting out rip roaring farts and sighs as they do their business. This is how I also feel about people who burp loudly in the company of others.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:27 AM FlagI don't like when people go to the next open stall when there are a ton open. I've heard guys complain about this too,
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:27 AM FlagI hate when I think I have some privacy/need to do a 2 and then people stand at the mirror for 10 minutes talking.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:28 AM Flag-
np. Not all of us are blessed with the ability to schedule our shit.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:43 AM Flag-
You are just precious. Some people struggle with painful stomach/bowel issues. Get over yourself. Seriously.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:46 AM Flag-
NP I do, as well as the family I nanny for. It's really not uncommon.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:49 AM Flag-
You discuss your BMs with your employer and they with you? Really?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:52 AM FlagI've worked for them for years, and they're like family. So yes, I have discussed it with the mom (not the dad). It's pretty obvious when one of us rushes in from the car and goes straight to the bathroom without stopping (which doesn't happen often, but in several years of employment, it is not unheard of on either of our parts). Also, when it is the kids dealing with things of this nature, it's my JOB to discuss it with their parents/their need to discuss it with me.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:56 AM Flag
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You should get over yourself if you expect privacy in a public toilet.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:48 AM Flag-
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jeez, she expressed a preference (that about 50% of people here seem to agree with) and you used it as an opportunity to take out your anger and aggression by coming out swinging. seems your problem is going to be a whole lot more difficult to "solve" than OR's. wow.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:53 AM Flag
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Agreed. Give a little bit of a buffer if the rest of the stalls are empty. Common restroom etiquette.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:40 AM Flag-
I don't have OCD and I totally agree with OP. It's just good etiquette.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:50 AM Flaglol. Beyond not dripping on the seat, or leaving any other evidence of your visit on the seat, and being sure to wash your hands, there's no "etiquette" requirement in a public restroom.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:58 AM FlagNever said it was a "requirement." It's just what nice people do. Etiquette is polite behavior in society. Clearly that doesn't really exist anymore.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:03 PM Flag-
well, i guess you've just named yourself the etiquette of bathroom behavior lol.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:07 PM Flag-
I agree completely, of course I once posted about how no one should ever poop at work, so there's that. Also, I work at a University and am often in the bathroom with students. More than once I have sat next to someone talking on the phone while they go. Gross!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:44 PM FlagI just choose the cleanest stall I can find. If you want privacy, don't choose a stall in the middle of the pack- stick to an end. And I thought it was OK to fart in the bathroom!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 02:56 PM Flag
[+] My wife is acting very strange. She's been very withdrawn for the past two days. She ... 123 replies
- day or two? You would if she had the flu, right? I've done this for DH when he was in a funk or was sick, it's not that big a deal....
- FIGURE IT OUT! Or shut the hell up. Good grief. How do you figure out how to get dressed and go to work in the morning?...
Talk : : April 06, 2012
My wife is acting very strange. She's been very withdrawn for the past two days. She seems very depressed and the house has been a huge mess when I get home. It's like she's given up on life. Last night, I told her that I'd do the laundry and she said, "Please just do the laundry that you plan to fold. It does nothing for me when you do loads of laundry and just leave the baskets of clean clothes lying around so the kids can get into it." We have two toddlers who like to throw laundry around the house. I thought this was rude and she didn't apologize even when I told her it was rude. Then, she didn't come to bed until 2am, was on the computer with her headphones on all night, didn't speak to me this morning and when I left, she didn't say goodbye. I cannot live like this anymore.
123 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 06:52 AM Flag ]-
FWIW, so do I. "I can't live with this anymore"? My ass! She swallows her resentment of you every freaking day and the second it starts to actually come out in full force, your egomaniacal self-esteem can't handle the negativity, it's too much to bear. Your mother must be so relieved you found someone new to shit on.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 09:03 AM Flag
you cannot live like this after 2 days? Are you a tad dramatic? Why don't you sit your wife down WITHOUT AN ATTITUDE or JUDGING and ask her "from the heart" what's wrong? Tell her you feel she's withdrawn and seems depressed. Ask her if you can do anything to help. Lots of women have to suffer in silence because they want to be strong for the kids but raising a family is hard. Also think back at something you may have done..maybe without the intent of hurting her but she may be hurt, etc
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:55 AM FlagI am always hurting her feelings, so I can probably already take the fault here. She did just find out that her stepfather is in very poor health, but I doubt she cares since he's an asshole. She has stated several times that she hates him. Otherwise, I cannot tell what has changed.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:59 AM Flagwell emotions and guilt can definitely play with the mind - give her time, give her space and when you do laundry, do the laundry it includes folding and putting a way. Just do none load completely, not all half assed - same for any other "chore" you want to help with
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:03 AM Flagyou can start by telling her and owning up to your faults by apologizing about hurting her feelings. BUT if you're not sincere, she will know and the apology will mean nothing. Sincerity and understanding really helps a lot. Regardless if she hates him, she may be having a hard time with it regardless or maybe she's worried about how it's impacting her mom..or maybe she's thinking of her life. You know how you tend to reflect about your own issues when someone close to you is dying or has died
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:03 AM Flag-
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I hate the way DH folds and I'd rather I do it. In any case it sounds like they have a division of labor, and he offered to help wtih something and she was a little bitchy aboutit.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:03 AM Flagthat's your problem with your dh. But sandwich dad is everyone's problem...
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:06 AM Flag-
It's the OP. He is famous for initially posting that his wife had been in labor and he went out to get a sandwich while she was in the hospital giving birth, didn't check his phone, was gone for like 2 hours eating his sandwich, and then came back right as she was pushing. He missed like 3 voicemails from her because he was too busy sitting in the cafe eating his sandwich! He is a royal mess.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 02:27 PM Flag
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ugh...You had a good point, she had a good point, and it led to nothing good. Two toddlers are really, really hard to live with, but it is short term. You have to make an effort, even when she doesn't, to make things really change. Divorce probably is not a good answer, if you love your kids and have loved your wife in the past. You need help. Try, this week, to do one load of laundry 2-3 times, all the way through to putting it away. Try to help her when she is cleaning or making any effort. Bring the woman flowers and say something nice about the future, like, "I love our kids, but I miss you and cannot wait until they are off at college so that we can travel/go to dinner/whatever you did as a new couple"
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:57 AM FlagI did two loads last night - even folded them, but I didn't put it all away since I don't know where everything goes. I also tidied up our room a little. I did tell her that we should take a trip to Disney World for a long weekend, since she's been wanting to take the children, and she seemed enthused, but then she had to be snarky about the laundry and her mood went downhill.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:03 AM FlagGood, just keep chipping away at the backlog of work and try to be kind and attentive without any expectations in return. If she's not reacting positively in a month, you should ask for a heart to heart and tell her you're worried about her. Maybe she's dealing with depression or something else.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:06 AM FlagNp: consider looking in drawers and finding where things go. It's not difficult. You sound really high maintenance.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:17 AM Flag
__I've btdt, make positive changes and create positive experiences. Usually, once you can break through her feelings of isolation and make her feel loved/valued again, she'll start to perk back up and things will make a huge shift to a better place. I understand wanting to relax after work, I really do. Your kids are just at the age of little relaxation for anyone unless you get a sitter and go out to dinner alone. Trust me, making changes now is a lot easier than a divorce or letting it get farther downhill before you try to fix things.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:04 AM Flag
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Oh, no, she doesn't stay at home but she has an easier schedule than I do.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:12 AM Flagshe may have an easier schedule at work but if she's expected to do it all at home, then her daily schedule is a lot more than yours. Did you ask if anything happened at work? Maybe finances? Something is weighing her down. Also, there are hormonal changes when we age...has she been to the GYN for her yrly schedule? Maybe she needs to have her levels checked out
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:21 AM FlagShe's still in her 20s and she's been to the doctor recently. I will admit that she has it harder than I do, but we need a clean house.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:23 AM Flagthen set it up..don't wait for her to do it. If she's worried about money and if and only if you can afford it, do it. If you can't do it then have your assistant set it up.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:25 AM FlagI don't know how to set it up. I also don't know if we can afford it. I think we can, but she doesn't. We disagree on how much it should cost.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:27 AM Flaghow do you not know what you can or cannot afford? This is your financial situation, you should be in the know. As for setting it up, ask a friend for a recommendation for a cleaning lady
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:29 AM FlagWe disagree about how much it should cost. She says that the rate is $12-$15 an hour. I told her that was ridiculous and we should be able to find someone for $8 an hour. A few months ago, a cleaning woman posted a flier in our lobby. My wife called her and the woman told her $13 an hour. I told my wife that was negotiable and we could get it to $9. My wife said that she wasn't going to offer $9 and she never bothered to follow up with the woman.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:33 AM Flag
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Something must have happened. Did she get bad news? A bill you can't pay? Something terrible at work? Find out! In the mean time, be supportive and do all the housework and kids for a few days.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:03 AM FlagYes, some bad news, but nothing terrible. I cannot do all the housework. It's too much work.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:05 AM Flagcan you afford for someone to come in and clean once a week?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:07 AM FlagYes, but she's never set it up. She says that we cannot afford it.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:13 AM Flag-
I don't know how to set it up. How am I supposed to do that? She also said that we cannot afford it, so I cannot just do it now or else she'll get pissed.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:24 AM Flagdo you not know your finances? Ask a friend for a recommendation for a cleaning lady
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:28 AM Flag-
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^^^ if so here's a great deal http://nyc.lifebooker.com/getloot/5668?utm_campaign=NY%20LOOT%204-6&utm_medium=email&utm_source=internal&utm_content=position2&utm_term=New_York_City_emails
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:38 AM Flag-
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Just for a day or two? You would if she had the flu, right? I've done this for DH when he was in a funk or was sick, it's not that big a deal.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:07 AM FlagI've done a lot of things for her already this year. I took half the day off when she needed to go to the doctor, then another half day when she had minor surgery and I came home early when she had the stomach flu. It's not like I never do anything.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:16 AM Flagumm, two half days and coming home early are not what I mean. I mean do EVERYTHING for 48 hours straight. My DH and I do this for each other on occasion. Something is wrong, let her work through it!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:23 AM FlagI cannot do everything because I have a job that requires me to work until 9pm.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:29 AM FlagI guess there is no solution, right? No way around this. Jesus Christ!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:33 AM Flag-
How important is your wife's happiness, and how significant is this particular crisis? If she's just in a two day slump, you could call some of her gfriends/sister, etc and a babysitter and arrange a night out. If it's more than that, check your insurance and see what kind of mental health coverage you have, then maybe suggest therapy (either for her or as a couple). Hire a cleaning person for 2 hrs once a week (that's less than $40 per week. Check craigslist). Most of all, talk to your wife (or e-mail her from work if that's easier) and tell her you are thinking about her and ways to make things easier/happier for both of you.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:44 AM Flag
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you are the greatest husband in the history of husbands. You deserve better than your wife. You should just leave her and go far far away.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:24 AM FlagI realize that you are being sarcastic, but you don't understand my work. I have a lot of pressure on me at work. An enormous amount. I have a lot of pressure to meet impossible deadlines. When I take time off of work, it's a big fucking deal because it means that I will be up until 1am for the next few nights in order to make up for it.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:36 AM FlagDude, what do you do for a living? I ask because DH and I are both in biglaw. granted this means we have money for 2x/month housekeeper but we work our butts off and we *still* both spend lots of time w/2 DCs AND clean up after ourselves. In fact, he does all the laundry, including folding and putting away. You guys need to have a serious talk about assigning HH tasks if you are not going to outsource them, and boo hoo about 1 a.m., that's what I do all the damn time so I can come home and play with my kids and put them to bed.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:01 AM FlagYou are not spending "lots" of time with your DCs if you work in biglaw.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:06 AM FlagOR above: I'm not here to start an argument about my hours. I'm just sayin', if DH and I can make it home by a reasonable hour at night, play with kids, clean up after ourselves and suck it up and work late afterwards, this guy shouldn't be whingeing about having to work late once in a while to make some contributions as a husband and parent.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:11 AM Flag
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Sounds like you may generally just get things half done, which actually makes things harder for her. If you are really committed to doing your share, finish what you start. My DH used to do this, and it was more work for me to undo what he did halfway and do it right. She may just be fed up and I suspect this half-commitment is something that's been going on a while, and not just in housework.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:13 AM FlagThat's what she says, but I don't know how much more committed I need to be.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:17 AM Flagnp: I'm like your wife and I'll tell you what I want. I want DH to STEP UP. Don't call me b/c db has a fever and ask me what to do. Take the temp and give motrin. Don't ask me where the laundry goes, figure it out. Find a cleaning person, see how much it is and show her that you can afford it. DO IT. Don't make her have to sign off on every decision.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:32 AM Flag
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I'll repeat, the fact that you don't know where the laundry goes is very telling - you should not be 'helping', you should be sharing the workload. Your house, your kids. Man up and do your part.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:19 AM FlagMy wife is very organized and I don't understand her system.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:24 AM Flagnp: your original post is misleading. I think this is not a 2 day thing, your wife is fed up and stressed out. It sounds like she does all the heavy lifting b/c her schedule is more flexible. I would draw up a list of everything that needs to be done on a daily, weekly and monthly basis and see how the division of labor falls. You may be surprised.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:27 AM Flag
My husband works very hard and I'm a stay at home mom. I do all the laundry. I figure its my job since he works so hard out of the house. Its really not that difficult to keep the house clean and the laundry folded and put away. I have 2500 Sq foot house and 11 acres. I do it all and I'm happy to keep my end of the bargin. I never get these stay at home moms who can't keep the house clean. I know somedays are harder than others, but come on!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:41 AM Flag-
You're being intentionally helpless. I'd be mad at you, too.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:38 AM FlagShe is exhausted because she is working FT and nearly 100% of the HH and kid duties. When you do laundry without folding and let the kids throw it around you are making more work for her. Ask her how you can help. Or better yet take the kids out and leave her in peace for a while. Whatever you do, don't sit and relax after work. She doesn't get that chance, why should you.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 09:37 AM Flag-
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[+] On average, when does morning sickness end? I hit 12 weeks and woke up feeling like ... 5 replies
- My morning sickness stopped at 12 weeks with first db, I was a bit freaked out because I didn't feel pregnant anymore. Luckily the 12 week scan happened a few days later and showed a healthy baby in there....
Talk : : April 05, 2012
[+] Interviewing a nanny for the first time. One candidate said she needs to take home $1... 65 replies
- You need to talk about sick days, vacation, holidays (religious & US), if she works extra hours and if she were...
- Thanks. I'm going to call her this morning and ask her regarding the gross versus net. Do you think an experienced educator would..., one she chooses and one we choose; about 10 holidays; and one week of sick/ personal days. Both DH and I work ft and told her there won't...
Talk : : April 05, 2012
Interviewing a nanny for the first time. One candidate said she needs to take home $1,000 a week and wants to be paid in full on the books and for me to withhold all taxes. Any idea what this translates to on a gross basis? TIA
65 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 04:39 PM Flag ]Where are all the moms who claim to pay their nannies on the books?
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 05:16 PM Flag-
Unless she has a degree in Early Childhood Education that is nuts. Normal pay should be between $650 and $850 for a normal day. The avg hourly salary is $15.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 05:34 PM Flagmost of the family payroll service sites have calculators to help you figure it out. she is clearly crazy fwiw. our nanny makes $18/hour, works 35 hours/week, and is paid in full on the books with all taxes withheld. her weekly check is about $500. so either your candidate is trying to pressure you into a huge hourly wage, or else you're asking for around 70 hours.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 05:34 PM FlagOP here, thank you. It's a 55 hour work week for 1 year old twins. The nanny has 15 years of experience, an undergrad degree and excellent references. You think I'm nuts?
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 05:47 PM Flag-
OP, can you please tell me why. How much should I offer to pay her per hour based on her experience and having two charges? TIA
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 05:54 PM Flag-
OP here, she has twins experience, she's recommended by a friend of a friend, she's more articulate/experienced/friendly than anyone else we've met. Having said all that, it's the first time we're interviewing and hiring a nanny and I don't want to be a sucker.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 06:04 PM FlagOK. fair enough but I think it's too much. I would not offer to pay her more than $900 on the books which I think is still way too high. Remember she is going to expect a raise in a year. How many nannies have you interviewed?
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 06:08 PM FlagI pute togther a detailed job description and shared it with friends and posted on several wwws. Since then I have phone interviewed about 40, DH and I have met with over 10, we narrowed it down to 3 but we both really like this one candidate. She just presents herself very well, she has a confidence, calm, pleasant energy that most of them did not have...That is a good point that she will expect a raise every year, anything else I should be thinking about? If we hire her we won't be paying a fee to an agency and also she has her own health insurance.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 06:15 PM Flag
55 is a lot of hours. maybe she's calculating time and a half for some of the hours over 40? is there a different average wage for twins? the $18 gross we pay our nanny is for 2 kids, but one is in preschool until 3.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 05:55 PM Flag
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Bwahahhahahahahahaha. This is a joke yes? Netting $1k per week in NYC require that her gross be around $75k. For the employer you would have another at least 10% so employer cost of around $83-85k. She must be Mary Popins with a PhD. Otherwise you deserve to be ripped off.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 05:41 PM Flag-
this cannot be true. are you a celebrity or requiring her to do some out-of-ordinary stuff? seriously. this is not even close to the going rate. $1,000 gross would be beyond expensive.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:03 PM FlagIt's $65K gross. I was bringing home $2105 every paycheck (2 weeks pay) on $65K gross and I had two dependents. I'm assuming that she doesn't have dependents, so she's going to be hit a little harder. Possibly close to $70K?? You'd have to run it through a calculator. I find that astonishing. That was my pay as a resident.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:12 PM FlagNanny here: That is a high salary, more than most nannies in the city make, more than I make. However, some nannies can command such a price. These are usually nannies with decades of experience, education, and are generally just great. I don't agree with the people suggesting she is scamming you, you said out of 40 people she was far and away the best. If you don't want to pay her what she wants, go with one of the other nannies you interviewed, I'm sure your kids will be fine. The kids I care for are doing well, and I don't make 1K a week.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:57 PM FlagSUper high salary for a nanny and not even a graduate degree... wow. But if you loved her and can afford it, go for it. I don't understand the dealing with net pay, though, and I find that weird of her to ask. She wants to be paid on the books and should pay her taxes herself like any other human. So she should just ask for her gross (actual) pay and pay her taxes. Sounds like she wants about 1500 a week. Hope she is fab. You can for sure get an experienced teacher/educator for that pay, by the way.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 02:27 AM FlagThanks. I'm going to call her this morning and ask her regarding the gross versus net. Do you think an experienced educator would want to take care of twins for 11 hours a day though? All of my friends have advised me to hire a career nanny, not someone looking for a career change who may not realize what she's getting herself in for.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:42 AM FlagI agree, hire a career nanny if you are looking to keep the same person for many years, just saying she is asking for a pretty ridiculously high salary (in my estimate, 75-80 grand a year, but she should give you an hourly or weekly wage and not just say, hey, I way to pocket tis much - that would set off alarm bells for me, it is very entitled and strange to demand a net pay. She is a grown-up and how she does her taxes is not your business. What salary does she want? It's probably so crazy high she is going about it obliquely. I'm already annoyed by her but hey, if you and DH loved her... also set up expectations of vacation and holidays. How many weeks a year does she want and will she choose the weeks or be willing to go with the weeks that work for you? You do know that when you go away you still have to pay her, right? Do you also realize that she will expect a xmas bonus and probably a pretty hefty one given what she is already asking? I know one person who overpaid her nanny and wound up letting her go because she felt taken advaage of after realizing she was paying much more than ANYONE else at our preschool. It's good you are checking around, and make sure you feel okay spending so much more than the going rate.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:47 AM FlagHi, she seems like a reasonable person overall and has a resume that includes written references from four former employers. It is possible that we misinterpreted what she meant when she said 'net' per week. She's asking for two weeks of vacation, one she chooses and one we choose; about 10 holidays; and one week of sick/ personal days. Both DH and I work ft and told her there won't be any extra time off when we don't need her. It took us years to get pg so were old and find the twins exhausting!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 05:58 AM FlagNanny here: this unfortunately is the way the Nanny world works. When I started speaking with agencies they would all ask me what I expected to net? I asked how an employer could offer me that not knowing my other financials, and had the difference between gross and ner explained to me like a child. It's just the way the industry works.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:18 AM Flag
[+] Anyone else's dh completely unhelpful/unconcerned when you are sick? So tired of dh's... 3 replies
- So many are like this, wondering if you've done your usual job and annoyed if you haven't no matter if your are sick, tired, just given birth, whatever. I feel so bad for you right now. The stomach virus is awful. I hope you feel better soon and wish you could get sick right on those stupid shirts. Sometimes you need to turn to Mom or girlfriends to get through these times....
Talk : : April 05, 2012
Anyone else's dh completely unhelpful/unconcerned when you are sick? So tired of dh's lack of empathy. Sick right now with stomach virus and first thing this morning, he asked if his shirts were back from laundry. Never asked once how I am feeling. Btw, I am completely not a hypochondriac.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 08:37 AM Flag ]So many are like this, wondering if you've done your usual job and annoyed if you haven't no matter if your are sick, tired, just given birth, whatever. I feel so bad for you right now. The stomach virus is awful. I hope you feel better soon and wish you could get sick right on those stupid shirts. Sometimes you need to turn to Mom or girlfriends to get through these times.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 08:43 AM Flag
[+] 12 weeks pregnant and have had diarrhea for the past 5 days. Called my doctor's offi... 4 replies
Talk : : April 05, 2012
12 weeks pregnant and have had diarrhea for the past 5 days. Called my doctor's office and they said there is nothing I can take and just need to let it run it's course. If it continues to persist, need to give a stool sample. Anyone had this before? Could this just be a part of morning sickness/hormones or should I assume it is something more serious? Been sticking to bland foods (the BRAT diet) but nothing is helping.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 08:30 AM Flag ]BTDT, It turned out that I had a wheat allergy that came out when I got pregnant. Your general immune system is depressed to keep you from " rejecting" the baby and allergies can appear. I had horrible D for my entire pregnancy. When it didnt go away went to gastro who diagnosed Celiac....GL
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:55 AM Flag
[+] Am being asked to go on a reality tv show about pregnant women... really not my thing... 40 replies
- I read somewhere that there is a theory that excessive morning sickness (all day sickness) can be caused by h. pylori (the bacteria that...I do realize that the idea of eating broccoli is horrific if you have morning sickness. Hope this helps. I had morning sickness, not as bad as yours until week sixteen and could not stomach...
- Yes. There is a theory that starvation during pregnancy (which happens with extreme morning sickness) damages the brain....
Talk : : April 04, 2012
Am being asked to go on a reality tv show about pregnant women... really not my thing. Any reason to do this or is it really as ridiculous as I fear?
40 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.04.12, 02:56 PM Flag ]-
Don't know about paid (would doubt it), nothing to hawk, though I do have a cause I want to promote and could do so through the show. I personally don't ever watch reality tv and find if ridiculous, but have never been presented with this kind of opportunity before
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:03 PM Flagis your cause natural childbirth with a midwife? If so, go for it. Americans don't see that very often and you'd be doing a great service by helping normalize drug free birth.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:22 PM FlagNo, its a pregnancy complication that isn't well understood and I'd love to be able to tell people about it.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:34 PM Flag-
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my friend had that for both pregnancies. They had her on a really strong drug and both her girls are autistic. She doesn't know if there is a connection, but she says there's practically no research on that drug (I don't remember the name) and autism.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 04:07 PM FlagI don't know if this could help you but I believe I read somewhere that there is a theory that excessive morning sickness (all day sickness) can be caused by h. pylori (the bacteria that causes ulcers). I have read that eating broccoli (I know weird) can keep h. pylori in line. I do realize that the idea of eating broccoli is horrific if you have morning sickness. Hope this helps. I had morning sickness, not as bad as yours until week sixteen and could not stomach broccoli or cauliflower. Good luck.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:00 AM Flag
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Depends what the subject matter is. If you're an old, young, midget, and/or non-white pregnant woman, or Octomom, then it's probably not going to paint you in a good light. The show could be about anything, so we don't know.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:04 PM FlagRemember that no one wants to watch a tv show about normal women who go about their everyday lives (while pregnant). They want to watch a show with some kind of conflict. Reality tv producers are brilliant at storytelling and finding the bits of conflict in their footage. So you may not like the end results.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:08 PM FlagYes, this is what I'm thinking. It would only be one (part of an) episode, so not a lot of time for storytelling. Seems pretty benign but then I've never actually seen the show.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:09 PM FlagIf it's only one part of an episode, perhaps you can figure out what the story is going to be. It is possible that it is benign if you are just a side character. But remember that you have no control over it, and have a sense of humor. For example, if a main character interacts with you, she could later make some cutting remark ("wasn't she dressed like a hag!") As long as you have a strong sense of yourself, it is completely fine, since if there are any remarks, they usually make the person saying them look bad. But if you are thin-skinned you may not want to risk it.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:17 PM Flag
I wouldn't. You have no editorial control and the potential downsides (reputation destroyed, loss of anonymity) far outweigh the potential upsides (which are...a little money, I guess, unless you are promoting something and perceive this as beneficial to your business).
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:17 PM FlagWell, if the show is already on, watch the show. It could be a perfectly harmless premise like A Baby Story, or it could be a Pregnant-zilla premise. IIRC they cast RHoNY on the premise of "Manhattan Moms" and look how that turned out. Either you think that's a positive thing or a negative thing for those women and their kids.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:26 PM Flag-
[+] Spin-off from the nanny cash post: Do you expect your nanny to be buying toys, books... 28 replies
- Of course I have, but if I ran out, I would go out in the morning myself and get it before work. I do have the luxury of a deli on my corner so that helps. I don't really expect my...her that has money for cabs if it is pouring rain and she is juggling both dcs at pick up, especially if one is already sick; or if I need her to buy something specific that day/week like milk or a leotard; or to add money to the laundry card...
Talk : : April 04, 2012
Spin-off from the nanny cash post: Do you expect your nanny to be buying toys, books, and treats for your dc? IMO leaving money for it means that you expect this.
28 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.04.12, 11:00 AM Flag ]I was wondering this too! I leave money for museum admissions and a metro card, and if there is a special occasion when we agree she is going to get pizza or something for them and for herself, but otherwise what would the money be for? Of course we always have the house stocked with lunch, snacks and drinks for the kids and for her to help herself. She usually packs a healthy snack for the kids from our pantry when she goes out.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 11:03 AM Flag-
OP: no, not while dc was a baby and when older it wouldn't be a big deal.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 11:07 AM FlagOf course I have, but if I ran out, I would go out in the morning myself and get it before work. I do have the luxury of a deli on my corner so that helps. I don't really expect my nanny to run my errands for me.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 11:08 AM FlagI see. To me, it's simpler to leave the money for the nanny than to do this. I mean, the milk is for DC, so I see it as part of her job responsibilities. Having said that, she's only had to do it like twice in three years.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 11:09 AM Flag
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No- I think that's the parent's option. It's for day to day expenses.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 11:04 AM FlagI know they have occasional treats, which I leave money for. Not toys and books. They do stuff - we have a little fire museum they love - it's $6 for all of them to go. There's a daily pupped show ($15) that they might attend on a rainy day to get out of the house... Ice cream (clearly we don't live in Park Slope) and days when we don't have all that much food in the house or run out of milk. We don't leave a ton of cash, but certainly trust her to use her discretion w/ it. They eat healthy food from home 90% of the time - unless she's selling it on the side - they eat every single crumb! I don't care if they have pizza or even mcdonalds once in a while! They do Panera mostly, which I find to be a happy medium for a treat.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 11:12 AM FlagI think it means things change with older DCs. With a toddler, you are generally not more than 15 blocks from home and likely to have a stroller to carry a days worth of food/water. With a school aged DC, you are more likely to get caught in sudden rainstorm on the other side of town on your way home from a piano lesson and looking for a cab instead of standing out in the rain waiting for a bus. You are also more likely to be out with DCs friends and being asked "can we go to the movies with Joey instead of going to the playground?" on a brutally hot summer afternoon.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 11:13 AM FlagNo. We have a petty cash tin for her that has money for cabs if it is pouring rain and she is juggling both dcs at pick up, especially if one is already sick; or if I need her to buy something specific that day/week like milk or a leotard; or to add money to the laundry card since she does the laundry; or to tip fresh direct delivery guy, or other service provider when appropriate. the tin also has our museum and zoo membership cards.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:29 PM Flag
[+] So after almost a year of ttc and then months and months of tests and then a few fail... 15 replies
- IVF is (1) the psychological impact/worry about not getting pregnant, (2) getting your blood drawn every morning and (3) the litany of medicine combos that they might try. I would just assume it will take...
- Sure. Emotional and physical. But they all passed. I've had terrible morning sickness now for almost a month, and it'll pass too. One day at a time, and keep your eyes on the prize....
Talk : : April 04, 2012
So after almost a year of ttc and then months and months of tests and then a few failed iui and all kinds of things getting in the way...I am finally starting ivf tonight. I am excited and hopeful and a nervous wreck. So scared about how I will respond to the drugs. Any words of advice?
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.04.12, 08:14 AM Flag ]I think the bigger issues IMO in IVF is (1) the psychological impact/worry about not getting pregnant, (2) getting your blood drawn every morning and (3) the litany of medicine combos that they might try. I would just assume it will take a while and brace yourself for the hassle and you will hopefully be pleasantly surprised.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 08:18 AM FlagTry to stay positive and focused on your goal. "Just do it". Many times I was sad or in pain, and thought I couldn't face yet another injection. Other times, my DH wasn't home for the intramuscular injections and I feared doing them myself. Just take a deep breath and do it. The pain is temporary for such an important goal. And remember. You are not the only one. Lots of women have done this; even though many don't talk about it. You'll get through it. Good luck! I'm now 10 weeks pregnant after 3 rounds of Clomid, 2 IUIs and 3 IVFs.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 08:20 AM Flagop-thanks so much. I had a 5 yold ds and what is getting me through is being able to sit him down and tell him he is going to be a big brother. He is desperate to have a sibling and it is breaking my heart. 3 ivf's you are a rock star. that was a lot of commitment
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 08:23 AM Flag
I've done 3 IVFs and am headed for more! I was SO nervous before the first one. And it just wasn't that bad. Acupuncture might have helped, it definitely helped with the stress. But I was shocked at what a non big deal it was for me and have had plenty of friends say the same thing. A lot of people don't have any kind of bad reaction to the meds and the injections were in my love handles and didn't hurt for more than a few seconds. I'm not afraid of needles but I'm not a superwoman about pain either, and all I had was a bit of bloating and very mild twinges. It might be much better than you're anticipating for you too!
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:18 PM Flag-
Yes, two out of the three. The middle one didn't work and that was tough, but we were very lucky to have two DDs. Helps to have support. I went (and am still on) fertilityfriend.com. There's an ivf board with tons of newbies and ivf recyclers on it--lots of support and advice. Besides something like that and acupuncture, I also recommend distraction! Watch a ,ot of funny movies, take walks, eat well, get lots of rest, go on dates--it all helps to lower the stress of it!
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 02:52 PM Flag
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[+] For the people that judged me for carrying on an affair for 3 years I say this - it i... 14 replies
- ego. You are trading the respect of your children and opening them and their mother to ridicule. I feel bad for your family, but feel worse for you. I'm sick at heart at what my spouse is doing, but I can wake up in the morning knowing I am honest with everyone in my life....
Talk : : April 03, 2012
For the people that judged me for carrying on an affair for 3 years I say this - it is hard to break up a marriage and it is hard to end something that makes you feel alive again even if it is for all the wrong reasons. Don't be so judgmental. Life is difficult.
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.03.12, 06:13 PM Flag ]-
I only judge your standards for feeling alive, because obviously there is nothing larger in your life besides your sexual parts and ego. You are trading the respect of your children and opening them and their mother to ridicule. I feel bad for your family, but feel worse for you. I'm sick at heart at what my spouse is doing, but I can wake up in the morning knowing I am honest with everyone in my life.
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 06:33 PM Flag-
So honest that I choose the security and ignorance of my children over my dignity. It's not fun to hear them ask all the time 'Where's Daddy' and I tell them 'Daddy's working' ... even at 11pm on a Sunday. 'When is Daddy coming home' is a refrain in our house, as is my response, 'I don't know'
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 06:50 PM Flag
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[+] 7 weeks pregnant and worried. Tmi sorry. Havent had a good bowel movement since la... 16 replies
- the end of the day I'm burping and farting every couple of seconds. And it isn't like I'm eating a lot of vegetables that would cause gas; the morning sickness is such that I can't come near broccolli or cauliflower....
- How is the morning sickness? Have you been eating?...
Talk : : April 03, 2012
7 weeks pregnant and worried. Tmi sorry. Havent had a good bowel movement since last wed and a small one onsaturday. Strangeley i dont have the urge to go. This cant be good. Im starting to think that my bowels arent working.
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.03.12, 10:07 AM Flag ]Mine jammed up RIGHT away when pg. Drink lots of water and eat lots of fiber (obviously I know). Also ask OB if you can take Colace, I took it throughout on my OB's recommendation. Sorry to say but it only helped the problem a tinsy bit, worst part of my pg!
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 10:09 AM FlagI'm at 10 weeks. It is brutal. I've been eating 5 prunes every day, and at least two Fiber Rich crackers. My doctor said to stay away from most laxatives as they might cause uterine contractions/miscarriage, but that if I was really suffering to take Metameucil or other fiber supplement. Honestly the gas is just as bad or worse. Extremely painful and embarrassing. Buy the end of the day I'm burping and farting every couple of seconds. And it isn't like I'm eating a lot of vegetables that would cause gas; the morning sickness is such that I can't come near broccolli or cauliflower.
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 10:20 AM Flagtmi alert - i had severe constipation. it was so horrible (and it hurt so much when I had a bowel movement) that my doc told me to get lube and a glove and do it that way. it sounds like you don't have to go now, but when you do, after not going for days, it could be bad, so i'd keep this in mind just in case. made my life SO SO SO much easier :-)
[ Reply | More ]04.03.12, 10:49 AM Flag
[+] Getting so tired of a friend who constantly brings the drama. She's been divorced for... 22 replies
- OP IMHO I think they both alienate the kids from the other. I think I am venting this morning because I was a child of acrimoniously divorced parents and I see this from the perspective of the kids. I'm only in contact...some friends and thay I was selfish for wanting to see them. On and off again I get the excuse that they are too sick for me to come pick them up - I go anyway and my child who has asthma at best might be a little...
Talk : : April 02, 2012
Getting so tired of a friend who constantly brings the drama. She's been divorced for four years with two dcs she shares custody of and still sends me every. single. piece. of text or email correspondence she has with the ex. IMHO both of them live merely to make the other one miserable. I feel so sorry for the kids. I feel like I am literally watching their parents royally screw them up.
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.02.12, 03:37 AM Flag ]-
sorry, I read that too quick, the loss of one's child is very painful, I can see how this dynamic would develop very easily
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 04:28 AM Flag-
have you suggested that she not respond to the ex? That way even if she does, she won't feel like showing you.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 05:03 AM FlagEX-DH here that would be my suggestion - just do what the court order says and no more - my ex was completely pleasant when she thought she was getting money and the kids to walk out of the marriage and then became a lunatic when the court ordered a 50/50 split and only a fraction of support to her.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 05:11 AM Flag
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No, fortunately no loss of a child, just shared custody. Just sorry because the parents seem to play lots of games using the kids between them.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 05:19 AM Flagthen you don't understand, I very much predict that both sides see part of the fight as a loss of their children, not dead loss but sitting at a park watching a baseball game with other kids the same age playing while your child is off elsewhere who knows kinda loss
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 05:21 AM FlagOP, sorry, yes I agree with you but was addressing that seemed to think my friend had a child who passed away. That would be something I wouldn't expect a friend to ever get over. In this case I just feel bad because the kids are obviously stressed. Right now (tweens) they are not even speaking to their mother, they refuse to come to the phone. That to me is stressed.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 05:47 AM Flag
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Can you try to have compassion for her instead of being "tired" of it? She must have a very difficult situation.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 05:04 AM FlagShe might be creating the problem for all we know, perhaps she is alienating the children from their father.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 05:10 AM FlagOP IMHO I think they both alienate the kids from the other. I think I am venting this morning because I was a child of acrimoniously divorced parents and I see this from the perspective of the kids. I'm only in contact with my friend but see the ex's emails and just eye roll when I see one asking the other for exactly 19.98 as half the cost of the birthday cake and the other objects because they didn't have a say in whether the cake was purchased or made from scratch. Just ridiculous. I think I need to create an email filter and just dump these into a file for when I've had my coffee. Thanks everyone for listening to my brief vent this morning.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 05:23 AM FlagYep, and I am responding as a dad going through a divorce who gets their kid once a week and yesterday the day I was supposed to have them learned that they were excited to go do some fun stuff with some friends and thay I was selfish for wanting to see them. On and off again I get the excuse that they are too sick for me to come pick them up - I go anyway and my child who has asthma at best might be a little congested from the pollen. The only way to avoid acrimony in my situation is to give my ex everything that she wants without question.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 05:26 AM FlagOP - I'm sorry you have this situation. You are right, as frustrating as it can feel to be a fly on the wall, it's nothing compared to the difficulty of living through it. I am chastened.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 05:34 AM Flagthe irony perhaps is that you may not in fact be helping her, she needs to get out of this endless loop - and for that she may need a therapist or other coping mechanism - for me I took my new found spare time started making alot more money and touring around on my bike, there is no doubt that the kids are being damaged but not a whole lot I can do about it
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 05:45 AM Flag
OP, yes she does have a very difficult situation, the frustrating part is that she and the ex constantly bait one another. Neither one of them can really spare the funds but money is always available for the lawyers. She's just been dropped by her last lawyer because she's in arrears for the bills. When I make gentle suggestions that something is not so much about the kids but perhaps about the ex, she doesn't respond. Some days I open my email and it's just more "can you BELIEVE he's doing this??!!" Well, yes, I can because it's been going on for 4 years. Very old friend. Can't just drop the friendship but get exhausted.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 05:17 AM Flag
I don't get these responses. At a minimum, stop reading email from her. It's not as if reading it spares you the play by play when you speak to her. I'd keep suggesting therapy, and that these are the things she should talk about with someone objective. Be a broken record, try to change the subject. Be gentle of course but you have to take care of yourself. If you think she would understand, tell her you want to be there for her, but as kids continue acting out or reacting, you're finding it very painful.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 05:36 AM Flag
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[+] I can't WAIT to have my baby but I'm really not a huge fan of pregnancy so far. Is t... 4 replies
Talk : : April 01, 2012
[+] ugh! We pay our nanny well and when we hired her she lived in Manhattan on the UES, s... 139 replies
- when you don't need her and then she owes you that time whenever you do want her - e.g., Saturday night, Sunday morning? Otherwise, all that seems to have changed is that she can no longer go home during her 50 hours and, I presume, you...while you have private time), and fulfills her job reqs why does it matter? Just keep paying her rent unless you are sick of her or your needs have changed & then just let her go....
Talk : : April 01, 2012
ugh! We pay our nanny well and when we hired her she lived in Manhattan on the UES, so she was close by. Having a nanny very near us was/is important. She and her dh do not have children and I know they have an HHI of 130K before taxes (I do their taxes). Now she is saying she can't afford to live in Manhattan and will be moving to an outer borough. WTF?! YES, she can definitely afford to live in Manhattan!
139 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.01.12, 10:57 AM Flag ]Why do you care where she lives as long as she shows up to work on time. And yes, she may be able to live in Manhattan if you're just look at things in a black and white way, but perhaps they have somehting they want to save for, or have other asperations besides living in Manhattan and being someone's nanny forever. Good lord you're sound like a bitch.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 10:59 AM Flagthey have made the decision that they cannot afford the life they want so they are moving, this has nothing to do with you even though you think it does. Did she say she was going to have to change her schedule because of the move? did she say sh wants to quit because of the move?
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:00 AM FlagShe may want to put more away for retirement, or when she has kids someday? Perhaps they care for an aging parent, or give money to siblings or cousins? I am sorry that you are upset but if she is on time and does her job this should not even be an issue so long as she continues to do her job and be on time. If she is not on time that is a problem, but I would not worry yet.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:00 AM FlagOP here. we pay half her rent, she and dh are doing fine living on 130K in Manhattan. I want her close by because she goes home during her on hours if I don't need her for an hour or so(something she requested) and I need her to be able to come over right when I call.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:01 AM FlagMaybe she's tired of being your slave, tethered by an invisible leash.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:04 AM Flaghow is she like my slave, she isn't on call during her off hours and she is only on 50 hours a week.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:06 AM Flag-
OP here. how is that bullshit???? I work more hours than that a week!
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:08 AM FlagYOUR choice. When your nanny starts getting YOUR pay and career advancement opportunities that those 50 hours a week can bring, then it's not bullshit anymore.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:12 AM Flagnp - lol, nannies know what they are up against when takign a job and 50 hrs is not excessive for a nanny - the woman pays well and they had expectations that now the nanny is going back on - sounds like you are just an angry troll
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:22 AM Flag50 hours is "excessive" for anybody, and in particular nannies. Just because it's done often doesn't make it right.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:25 AM Flaglol you sound incredibly lazy. What job do you have where you only work 40 hours?
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:28 AM Flag-
WOW. "The Man" really has you brainwashed, doesn't he? 40 hours of work a week is "lazy"? Believe it or not, not all of us are willing to take it up the ass like you for a paycheck. Just because we have spines doesn't mean we're "lazy". It just means YOU are whipped.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:48 AM Flag
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Then you are clearly an idiot: http://www.businessinsider.com/working-more-than-40-hours-a-week-is-useless-2012-3
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:13 AM Flag
Who the fuck wants to work ten hours a day as a domestic servant? Oy.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:08 AM Flagnp. Nanny-> I have to say, 50 hours a week, getting to go home for some of those hours, with her pay and getting half her rent paid for sounds like an amazing deal. I don't really get why people are jumping on OP for this part.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:12 AM FlagWe don't know what her pay is. We only know that she and her husband together make $130K. DH could be bringing in $100K and nanny is slaving away for only $30K.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:14 AM FlagI posted this elsewhere. We pay her 90K, no counting the rent.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:16 AM FlagYour generosity doesn't mean she is your slave. Get over yourself.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:17 AM FlagI'm not asking for a slave, I'm asking her to work 50 hours a week and if she wants to go home during those hours, then she needs to be able to get to the house right when she is told to. How is this crazy? I can't just go up to the bronx during my work hours.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:19 AM Flag
I would happily do your nanny's job instead of mine. With her rent added in, she makes about as much as me; she has better job security; and there are times when she has nothing to do.. it sounds great to me.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 12:40 PM Flag
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that is a little different, guess she is going to have to find a way to busy herself in your place when you do not need her and maybe you have to discuss her rent benefit going away since it no longer works in your favor
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:05 AM Flagyes, I'm not looking forward to this. When she said she was moving, she kind of laughed and said that "our" rent would get a lot more space now. By "our" she didn't mean she and her husband.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:07 AM FlagI'm guessing she probably did mean her husbands and hers. Good lord, you don't OWN this women. The rent subsidy you give is really just income to them. Wow, you really need a reality check.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:12 AM FlagThis woman has worked for me for ten years, I know what she was saying.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:14 AM FlagSo now you're claiming ownership, is that what this is about? You know slavery was abolished in the 1860s, right?
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:15 AM FlagI would hope you'd have some understanding for a person whose worked for you that long...
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:16 AM Flag
I'll bite. I don't get it. If they move, she won't be able to go home during the work day. Why is this a problem? Is there some reason you need her out of your house?
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:59 AM Flag
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What was the initial agreement about paying her rent? Do you pay her during the hour she runs home during the day?
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:20 AM Flagyes, she get paid when she goes home. The initial agreement was about five years ago when she got married. She had been a live-in, but when she married she obviously wanted to live with her dh. We wanted them close by, so we asked if they could live near us if we paid half. That is pretty much the entire agreement. Nothing else about it was ever said.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:27 AM FlagHmmm... I'm a nanny and I think I am paid pretty well but it's much less than you pay. I think that you need to remind her that your agreement was to pay half so that she would live close and that benefit will cease if she moves. If she moves & her total compensation decreases by the amount of 1/2 the rent, I can see that causing discord... Has she gotten too comfortable working with you? Lost boundaries?
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:45 AM FlagI think this is part of it. I will tell her on Monday that the rent is only for leaving nearby, but I really am dreading it. I don't want to look for a new nanny...
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:50 AM Flag^^Hello you are making 3.5mm and you are afraid to speak to your employee? ROTFLMAO. You don't have subordinates-maybe an entire department to take care of with that salary? And the lowly NANNY that you wouldn't socially give the the time of day rattles you? still rotflmao.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:56 AM Flag
How is this a problem, OP? You say that she is only on call during her 50 hours. I'm understanding that to mean that she works 10 hrs, 5 days a week but gets to go home during that time. This sounds like an amazing deal. Are you actually saying that you send her home when you don't need her and then she owes you that time whenever you do want her - e.g., Saturday night, Sunday morning? Otherwise, all that seems to have changed is that she can no longer go home during her 50 hours and, I presume, you no longer need to pay part of her rent. FWIW, I have a live-in so completely understand wanting someone with flexibility, etc. but that isn't what it sounded like you were saying.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:41 AM Flaghuh? no, she goes home when she isn't needed during those 50 hours, but is still paid for them, she doesn't make them up. I'm saying when I need her to come back during her on hours, that is when I expect her to be able to come back right when I need her.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:46 AM FlagPP: then I really don't see what the problem is, OP. Now she will be at your house 50 hrs a week and will not be able to go home -- she must understand that this is part of the deal if she is moving far away.. How is this such a major problem for you? She will still be available to you for exactly the same hours and you (presumably) won't need to susidize her rent anymore
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:59 AM FlagI guess I am worried she will think she can go home (I'm starting to realize how stupid I am about this one) or that she will still expect us to pay half her rent (this I actually am sure she believes).
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 12:03 PM Flag-
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Ha! This is why I prefer to live in BK. $2.5K down the drain to have your nanny close by...? You sound insufferable.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 12:25 PM Flag-
It's insufferable to think that $2.5k a month buys you a lifetime human on a leash
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 12:45 PM Flagnp: come on now. That's NOT what she's saying. Her main concern... and she's admitted this was rash thinking... was that the nanny would expect to go home during the paid off-time during the day. Which she's said SEVERAL times was clearly silly thinking on her part. The other concern is the understandable anxiety of having a conversation about the rent benefit going away. You're CLEARLY not a very careful reader.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 05:04 PM Flag
np. seriously? Wouldn't anyone on here appreciate it if their boss offered to pay half the rent in Manhattan, so they can go home during the hours they are not needed but still paid? How is this different than corporate apartments for example? someone I know was given a tiny studio in Midtown so he stay here 4 nights a week while his family continued living in Massachusetts, which was obviously his family's choice. I could understand the judging if OP needed the nanny after hours or on night call.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 12:48 PM Flag
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Nanny, I understand that you want to move and that is absolutely what you should do if you want to. But the reason I am willing to pay 2500/month for your rent was so that you'd be nearby. If you don't want to be nearby, that is fine, but my only reason for paying the rent was because I wanted you nearby and Manhattan is expensive. If you want to still live nearby, I'll continue paying the 2500. I
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 12:46 PM Flag
I don't get why people are jumping on you. As long as you specifically indicated that the rent subsidy was b/c you need her to be close to you, you have every right to take that back. About being upset, you can't be. We can afford to live in Manhattan but chose not to. Everyone with half a brain would know SS will be bankrupt in our near future and should be saving anything they can. Or she may have other priorities, like space, family, travel. This move may also mean she doesn't care about having this job now, so she's trying to see if this move will work. Or she may feel like she's indispensable at this point. Be ready to lose her.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 11:48 AM FlagSo basically you pay $120,000 a year for your nanny - or $46/hour?
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 12:27 PM FlagShe has worked for us for ten years. The rent was only so she could live nearby. also, we do really love her and she is a wonderful nanny to our children.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 12:33 PM FlagThe problem with nannies and babysitters is that they tend to only be able to see their own pov in these situations. So expect her to not understand and to say that what do you care where she lives if she's not going to go home during the day? From her pov, you paid her X so you could have her at any point during the 10 hr day. You would still have her at any point during the 10 hr day in the new arrangement. So why are you paying her less?
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 12:51 PM Flag
Confused. For years you gave her an extra $2500 a month so she could go home for an hour during the day? It seems having her close by was for HER convenience, not yours. Why would you do this?
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 01:38 PM FlagYeah I don't understand why you were paying her rent? Why do you care of she is close? As long as she shows up on time, stays all day (or sits at a nearby coffee shop while you have private time), and fulfills her job reqs why does it matter? Just keep paying her rent unless you are sick of her or your needs have changed & then just let her go.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 02:32 PM FlagSo you're a SAHM with more money than brains that is so freaked out by the idea of caring for her children alone that you've been paying a 50/week salary plus $2500 rent? Can't hardly blame the nanny on this one. I'd try to get you to pay my rent in queens too.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 04:31 PM Flag-
This thread would be so much shorter and a lot of time saved if OP had given all of the pertinent info up front instead of coming off like a cray cray.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 05:42 PM FlagYour nanny sounds like an idiot. She makes $90K, lives in Manhattan in a $5,000K apartment, gets to go home during the day, has an employer who loves her, and is risking jepordizing that??
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 06:03 PM Flag-
Posts like this make me sorry I am raising my children in Manhattan around people like you and your progeny.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 06:50 PM FlagResponders are nuts! The nanny makes an extra 60k to live in Manhattan and you all are talking about an indentured servant?! WTF!
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 07:49 PM Flag-
[+] Vanity post. I am a WOHM and could not give a rat's a$$ what other moms do to fill th... 16 replies
- Sure you "feel bad" about other women not having "sick figures despite all the effort". lololol!...
- do exercise for my sanity not to have a sick figure which I don't. I think the women...have pt help and don't care about a sick figure. Happy family, being well-read, fit and healthy are...on my priority list. You have some issues if "sick figure" is what you see as biggest SAH...the kids are in bed or early on weekend mornings when the kids are still waking up. Say...
Talk : : March 31, 2012
Vanity post. I am a WOHM and could not give a rat's a$$ what other moms do to fill their days. I do know I am better suited to working and wish I could work part-time but it's not really acceptable or feasible in my field. I do know I'd have a bangin bod if I could SAH and hire help! I know some women who SAH and Soulcycle, do pilates, and I feel bad that they don't have sick figures despite all the effort. Call me petty, but this is the only part about which I am jealous (SAH with help).
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.31.12, 12:53 PM Flag ]Sure you "feel bad" about other women not having "sick figures despite all the effort". lololol!
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:55 PM FlagYes! I do. They spend their days exercising and don't look that great. Don't get me wrong, there are a few who look amazing and I wish I had that stamina or those genes. But many still look blah.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:56 PM FlagI only started exercising when I decided to stay home. It was my choice and I don't regret it but it can be monotonous and ds's take a ton of energy. I do exercise for my sanity not to have a sick figure which I don't. I think the women you are speaking of may be addicted to exercise.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 01:05 PM Flag
I'm a WOHM, but have been on vacation for the past two weeks (private school teacher on spring break) and have been a total gym rat. It has been great -
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 01:04 PM FlagI am a SAH mom don't do all that Soulcycle, pilates, gym rat stuff. I don't SAH to relax and worry about how great I look. I SAH so that I can be with my kids not so I can spend 3 hours a day at the gym everyday.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 01:32 PM FlagI WOHM FT and I go to SoulCycle 3-4x/week. Either late at night when the kids are in bed or early on weekend mornings when the kids are still waking up. Say what you will about SoulCycle, it's a great way to force you to squeeze working out into your schedule. And sure, I could probably lose 10 lbs by UB standards but I think I look pretty good and for me it's more about health anyway. Just sayin'.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 02:02 PM Flag
[+] What do stay at home moms do all day! Really - answer me! 122 replies
- of organization/ event planning/ grant writing. Others are studying or caring for aging/ sick family members. I am having chemo, and basically I am either having treatment, going...a babysitter. Life without a sitter is VERY different. Plus, if a kid is sick, you are home with them 24/7 and get nothing done. I drop kid...(across town) to finish preparing dinner (maybe put the marinated food from the morning in the slow cooker). I rush back across town to pick up the...
Talk : : March 31, 2012
What do stay at home moms do all day! Really - answer me!
122 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.31.12, 12:05 PM Flag ]Up at 6:00am get everyone up, make breakfast for dc's and dh, take dc's to school, come back and clean up, make beds, do laundry, clean bathrooms, go grocery shopping, pay bills, work on a few projects, go to gym, pick up dc's, take them to sports (no babysitter) and after school stuff, bring them home, cook dinner, bathe them, read, cleanup dinner dishes, put out all clothes for next day, go to bed at 10:30pm. It's extremely exciting.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:10 PM Flagwhat are those 'projects' because there are a lot of daytime hours unaccounted for there?
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:11 PM Flag-
NP: Are you kidding? How long do you think it takes to do laundry, clean the bathrooms, go grocery shopping, pay bills, go to the gym, etc? Because I'm a WOHM and this could easily take me all day, were I to stay home. I have no trouble imagining how a SAHM fills her day.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:17 PM FlagYou must be crazily inefficient, I posted above- an hour or two at best. Gym I also do 30-60 every day and I work.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:19 PM FlagUghh, you sound insufferable. It sounds like you are just out to bash SAHMs. Go ahead, but it's pathetic.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:21 PM FlagAt least I am not sad enough to use the word insufferable. LOL.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:22 PM Flagnp- FYI, just because you type LOL doesn't make it funny. I think I'll see pp's insufferable and raise her relentless.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:28 PM Flag-
um, no. You are most certainly the loser in this situation. We're all pretty damn happy! You're the one complaining.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:35 PM Flag-
Honestly I have no idea why you are jealous but you either are very jealous or you are just a narcissistic idiot that can't believe that anyone who chooses differently than you could be choosing correctly. Take your pick. I don't know why you care what we do. Can you explain it?
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:45 PM FlagI think you are the narcissistic one. My posts say nothing of the sort. The idea that they do because they stir undesirable feelings in you does not change their words. I am telling you how efficient working people tend to see it. That includes men and women.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:46 PM Flag
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np- you may be super efficient, but you may just not doing any of those things thoroughly. 30 min a day (unless you don't stretch, warm up, or do strength or resistance training) isn't much of a workout. Similarly, you can make a bed (pull covers up, throw pillows on) in 30 seconds or take 5-10 minutes to pull everything out, retuck, straighten etc. You can go to the nearest store and grab six frozen entrees and be out of the grocery store in 10 minutes, or you can go to citarella, wait at the fish counter and get fresh fish and then go to the green market for vegetables. Not saying one way is better, but most things can be done quickly or slowly and everyone gets to decide how they choose to do them.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:21 PM FlagI do 30 minutes sprint on elliptical 3 times a week- 4 miles and yoga the rest. I am in great condition. I know how to properly make a bed and even to fold fitted sheets correctly. If you had full time staff, your expectation would not be that it would take an individual 7-8 hours per day for routine tidying. Sorry. I only shop at smaller stores but that is because I am European and generally prefer smaller fresher trips. You are incorrect that because I do not dilly dally our lifestyle is inferior.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:24 PM Flagwhere on earth did you see someone comment about 7-8 hours of 'routine tidying'? The poster above mentioned groceries, laundry, child care, paperwork, exercise and a number of other things. There are 24 hours in a day, everyone gets to spend them as they wish. (however, if you were the person who said they spend an hour or two each week grocery shopping, but now you are saying that you shop only at small stores (and I assume daily, if you are european), no matter where you live, that is more than an hour a week.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:29 PM FlagWell, I do all those things and do well at my job so I know how long they take. Not really, I select what looks good at the market on my way home. It doesn't take an hour in that scenario. How could that POSSIBLY be your experience picking up a couple of things from Citarella?
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:30 PM Flaguh, unless you are on your way home from work at 10am, there is usually a nice long slow line at each of fish, meat and checkout counters at citarella. As far as doing 'well' at a job-a person can work in finance 15 hours a day, or they can be a social worker for 6 hours a day. Different educational background, different time commitment, different time allotment left for other activities.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:33 PM Flag
Not one poster has said they "tidy" for 7-8 hours a day. If you want to exaggerate and be willfully obtuse you can have this conversation by yourself.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:32 PM FlagHow deeply are you girls cleaning every day? Be truthful here.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:33 PM Flag'np' from above: I personally am not cleaning- I'm so inefficient that I have a full time housekeeper. Or, get this, I have a housekeeper because I can afford it and choose not to spend any of my hours cleaning. Leaves me plenty of time for the line at the meat counter at citarella ;)
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:35 PM FlagI don't clean the entire apartment every day. I do all the tidying and then I do one big cleaning project a day, so either the bathrooms or all of the vacuuming, dusting, ironing, clean out the fridge or a closet or kitchen cabinets, etc. I have a once a week housekeeper who comes in to a really clean apartment and makes it even cleaner.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:39 PM Flag
You also have a babysitter. Life without a sitter is VERY different. Plus, if a kid is sick, you are home with them 24/7 and get nothing done. I drop kid off at school at 8:45, write for 2 hours, spend about 1.5 hours cleaning or doing laundry or organizing, spend about 1 hr or so online (SO DO YOU WOHM, you're just getting paid for it). RUn for 1 hour, shower/get dressed ready for 30 mins, ... uh, that's the day.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:24 PM Flag-
Because everyone I know with office jobs spends a whole lot of time on facebook and email.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:27 PM Flag-
How do you get to the gym for an hour and work 8 hours a day? Where are your kids?
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:30 PM FlagLunch I will spend sometimes on the elliptical, sometimes 30 minutes on the way home. It's not that hard if you are truly interested. Not for nothing, my SAHM friends have a harder time staying in shape because of the all day snacking.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:32 PM FlagI am not the OP. What is your question? Do my friends read trashy novels? No, I never said they did. Do they go to the spa? No, I never said they did. Do they complain about gaining weight because of the all day snacking? Yes. What do you think I am avoiding? How does your husband endure this clouded thinking?
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:55 PM Flag
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I guess some people have really low standards for cleanliness. Ick.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:27 PM Flag
Are you serious? Most of us do all of this except the after school taking to sports, while WOH. Some with more help at home can reduce it a little, but still! We do laundry one day a week, takes about 2 hours. Takes about 15 min. to clean the bathroom. Even my 6-year-old is capable of making his own bed. Paying bills is mostly automated these days, but takes about 20 min. a month. Breakfast, eating, and cleanup for everyone takes less than an hour unless you're making a leisurely brunch of it.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 03:44 PM Flag
NP: there really isn't a ton of completely unaccounted for time. School is 6 hours and with commute time if you aren't in your local P.S. it's down to 5. Gym for an hour then go home and shower, down to 3 1/2. Making beds, straightening up, laundry, cleaning, eat something, etc is an hour down to 2 1/2. An hour to read the paper, surf the net, UB, etc. 1 1/2.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:26 PM FlagWhere do your children attend that is 8-2 and you travel 30 minutes each way. If you had a cleaning woman doing that level of cleaning for that many hours, you would find it outrageous.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:27 PM Flag-
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she just suggested an entire hour of cleaning plus lunch plus laundry. I hardly think anyone out there thinks doing all 3 of those things in an hour is outrageously slow.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:51 PM Flag
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I swim, do yoga, have massages, manis/pedis, shop and prepare dinners, bake, go out for lunch, run errands for household, read, clean and tidy, spend time on my projects.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:17 PM FlagAnd thus it will be hard to pity you when you find yourself in a bind when the impossible inevitably occurs.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:19 PM FlagIndependent wealth have undone all binds I've found myself in, can't see why it won't when the impossible occurs. Which is what exactly?
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:31 PM FlagIf you are truly wealthy, then you have friends in the same position to whom the impossible occurred. Otherwise you are just pretending for a message board.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:37 PM FlagWhat impossibility which inevitably occurs are you talking about?! If it's divorce most women I know have the brains to settle well and are still living the good lives they had during marriage.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:44 PM FlagNp: I'm not at all wealthy, and have no idea what you're talking about. Tell!
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 01:05 PM Flag
Most of the ones I know with school aged DBS, are involved with the PTA. It raises over 500k per year for specials which takes a lot of organization/ event planning/ grant writing. Others are studying or caring for aging/ sick family members. I am having chemo, and basically I am either having treatment, going for an MD appointment or resting.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:20 PM FlagOh please, I WOHM and we donate 4 k annually. Would it really be worth more if I spend a ton of my time baking and selling cup cakes?
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:25 PM Flagnp: This is where you are wrong. I don't know about your school, but we do a lot more than bake sales and it takes a lot of time and effort and planning. Not saying your time would be better spent doing so yourself, but saying you could at least acknowledge the effort and time that goes into making these events a success and if parents (both woh and sah) don't do them, they don't occur and therefore the money isn't raised.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:32 PM FlagPTA at our school spends more time figuring out how to spend the money rather than raising it. There are very few events, we are just asked to donate. I also put my time in to do what I find imprtant or have skills to do: help run web site etc. I acknowledge that parent participation is important but it doesn't all come from SAHMs. I bet if there was overall analysis done SAHMs don't do more for our school.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 01:42 PM FlagI did say in my post that both working and at home parents contribute. Our school is different in that we do schedule a lot of fundraisers that require planning -- donations, foods, activities, soliciting businesses, etc. At our school a lot of the logistics are planned by SAHp's -- this is not a dig at wohp's at all. The working parents contribute with either money or some other expertise. The point is that people contribute in the way they can and sahp's contribute time (which is equally as valuable as money) because that is what some of them have. I have a friend who donates both in HUGE amount of time and money. My response was based on the impression that you were knocking sahm's contributions to the school, but I see now that we just have diff't experiences with school fundraising.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 01:52 PM Flag
i have fibromyalgia. i basically do nothing. feel free to feel superior to me, you've earned it.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:22 PM FlagIt varies, but I can tell you it's much more fulfilling and healthy an experience for me than working in an office ever was!
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:26 PM FlagI'm a wah, but I don't do much of my work until night time or naptime. I still have a little one at home so I clean up the same three messes about three times a day, play, activities, gym for me, volunteer very heavily at older dc's school which means meetings at school (with little one in tow), emails organizing events, writing up plans for events, I fully confess to meeting other sah friends with kids lunch or playdates, and then when dc's are in bed, I start my work. I don't have a sitter or cleaning person, and I'm pretty happy.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 12:29 PM Flag-
you know all that stuff as a WOHM you "wish" you had time for - exercise, errands, keeping a clean house, spending more time with dcs, etc.? All those things that keep falling to the wayside? We get to do those things -- all day.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 04:55 PM FlagI cuddle and play with my kids. That's why I chose to take advantage of wealth and stay home. So they can feel limitless love at a formative age. When I have time bc they are in nursery school, I clean up, eat, grocery shop. I grocery shop about twice or thrice a week, and if you don't want to bore your DCs, you go when they are in school. Sometimes I get about an hr a day (before they sleep) to read the news. But not often.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 05:07 PM FlagI get up at 5am with my 3yr old, start making lunch for my other 2 dc. Wake the other 2 dcs up at 6am, feed, dress, brush hair and leave the home with 3 kids at 7am to catch a crosstown bus to drop off 2 kids at school. Get back home with the 3 yr old by 9am. At 9:30 my 3yr old goes down for a nap until 11:15. While he naps, I clean up the entire home and start marinating for that nights dinner. When my 3 yr old gets up, I feed him lunch, dress him and we leave at 12:20 to be at his school at 1pm. Once I drop him off I either do errands (bank, grocery, etc) or I go back home (across town) to finish preparing dinner (maybe put the marinated food from the morning in the slow cooker). I rush back across town to pick up the older 2 kids at 3pm and then the preschooler at 3:30. IF we have no afterschool activities, we go straight home by 4pm to cook...if not then we get home btwn 5-6:30 (depending on the day). By 8pm I'm exhausted from all of the running around...it's non stop. I don't have hired help and really I did esp. to take the kids to the diff. activities.
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 05:26 PM Flag-
I get up at 5 and am busy most of the day. I occasionally have coffee by myself or with a friend. Otherwise some combination of: cleaning, cooking, meal planning, grocery shopping, volunteering at school, exercising, laundry, planning trips, generally managing the household, errands, assisting with homework, bathing dc....
[ Reply | More ]03.31.12, 08:20 PM FlagI am a sahm with a f/t nanny and p/t housekeeper. My DH is independently wealthy and does a trip or so a month, but other than that he doesn't really work much either. We have a private teacher for our three kids, we travel a lot with them, and during the day I play with them, have lunch with dh or friends, work on an interior design project or two at a time (which is more of a hobby, but I do make a little money), read, cook, blog, and generally live a life of leisure enjoying my family.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 06:51 AM Flag
[+] Help - took first dose of lexapro last nite and have been feeling sluggish and nauseo... 10 replies
- meds. Years ago I tried Zoloft and had an anxiety attack so bad I hid in my closet for 3 days. Changed to Effexor and that did the trick. Everyone's body chemistry is different. Sounds like Lexapro is not the med for you. Good luck. Go home sick if you have to....
Talk : : March 28, 2012
Help - took first dose of lexapro last nite and have been feeling sluggish and nauseous all morning and then out of nowhere had a major anxiety attack - have never had an anxiety attack in my life. Was curled up in a ball under my desk sweating profusely for 10 minutes - wtf is this?????
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.28.12, 09:05 AM Flag ]I don't know, but I didn't think lexapro could really affect you much so early?
[ Reply | More ]03.28.12, 09:06 AM FlagStop. Change meds. Years ago I tried Zoloft and had an anxiety attack so bad I hid in my closet for 3 days. Changed to Effexor and that did the trick. Everyone's body chemistry is different. Sounds like Lexapro is not the med for you. Good luck. Go home sick if you have to.
[ Reply | More ]03.28.12, 09:14 AM FlagWhat dose did you take? I took Lexapro but started with a miniscule dose, like 2.5 mg, and gradually ramped up to 20 mg. Call your prescribing doctor. Agree with PP that if this continues, you should try another SSRI, but I would give it at least 2 weeks if you can stick it out. You can take Xanax for the panic attacks. It takes 2 weeks for the SSRIs to change brain chemistry, and during those 2 weeks symptoms usually intensify before improving. GL.
[ Reply | More ]03.28.12, 09:49 AM Flag
[+] I’m so sick of hearing the word “fair” from the left during discussions about t... 8 replies
Talk : : March 27, 2012
I’m so sick of hearing the word “fair” from the left during discussions about taxes that my head almost exploded this morning when I heard the latest audio from Al Sharpton. 97% of taxpaying Americans pay 12% income tax…not 30%! And HALF of America pays ZERO income tax!
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.27.12, 07:16 AM Flag ]-
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Many Americans make very little money and their income taxes are offset by credits designed to help poorer families. Earned income credit for wage earners with children is for families making under 35K, if I remember correctly. That's not a lot of money to live on. Poorer workers are still paying into payroll taxes and social security at a much higher percentage of their income than richer people.
[ Reply | More ]03.27.12, 07:22 AM FlagI agree. We shouldn't tax people to the point where they can't live. Its necessary for people who have and make more money to contribute more. However, I do agree that people shouldn't be using the word "fair". I mean why is 36% less "fair" than 39% if its already a lot higher than the lowest rate. Capital gains rate at 10% vs 20% vs higher doesn't change the "fairness". I think the word that is relevant is "necessary". Its necessary for those with more $$ to pay higher taxes (even from here).. and its necessary for us to cut spending (including entitlement spending).
[ Reply | More ]03.27.12, 07:32 AM FlagI was just about to ask OP how much she would think would be fair to expect from a family of 4 living on $40,000 a year, who do pay sales and payroll taxes. What OP probably would spend to sent one DC to a private K, families are paying to feed their families (sales tax), housing (passed on property tax), transportation (gas tax), etc. This whole argument that the rich pay too much, 50% of you pay ZERO is such a waste of time and energy. Finger pointing is not a solution.
[ Reply | More ]03.27.12, 07:35 AM Flag
Are you an idiot? Your stats just prove what the problem is: the only reason any American pays 0 income tax is because they earn almost nothing. Why? Because the only jobs available pay crappy wages. And if you are paying high income taxes, that means you make at least 10x as much as those people paying nothing. And yet, you are so selfish. 10 or 15 years ago, rich people paid MORE in taxes than you did. 30 years ago, rich people paid FAR MORE. But that made the economy strong, not this crappy economy because rich people pay so little tax and are making all the money.
[ Reply | More ]03.27.12, 08:12 AM FlagYou are so selfish and greedy. Rich Americans used to pay MORE taxes and the country was far better off. Now we have lots of rich people like you who are completely greedy and can't see that higher taxes benefit their long-term interests. They'd rather pay low taxes and turn this country into a third world state with rich people living behind guarded walls and the majority of poor people struggling. Shame on you.
[ Reply | More ]03.27.12, 08:14 AM Flag
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