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[+] My 3 year old loves coffee, I have to hide mine or she sips it when I'm not looking. ... 19 replies
- If it were up to her, she would only eat grapes, clementines, cheese its & maybe if she's hungry enough a banana. I need to get something in her before school because daycare is too distracting and she would rather talk & play than eat!!...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
My 3 year old loves coffee, I have to hide mine or she sips it when I'm not looking. I have been having a hard time getting her to eat in the morning & our pediatrician said to give her pediasure in the morning but she hates it. Even though it would be against every maternal instinct I have, I am considering adding a splash of my coffee to her pediasure & putting it in a travel coffee mug for her (btw already tried just pediasure in coffee mug - didn't work). Just how horrid is this idea?
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 08:22 PM Flag ]Every kid my mother raised drank milk with a bit of coffee and sugar. We're all fine. But what about something like Carnation Instant Breakfast. Add a splash of coffee to that and you've got breakfast to go
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:29 PM FlagI suppose desperate times and all that. However, if she isn't taking the pediasure either, it's probably something else. Is there enough time between wake up and the next thing? Maybe she hasn't had enough time to be hungry?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:29 PM FlagThat's probably part of it. On weekends, she will pick at food slowly (as in one grape, go play, come back for another grape). She also really doesn't like any food with nutrients... If it were up to her, she would only eat grapes, clementines, cheese its & maybe if she's hungry enough a banana. I need to get something in her before school because daycare is too distracting and she would rather talk & play than eat!!
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:37 PM Flag
Coffee has invaded our society. When I was growing up, I couldn't imagine a more disgusting drink than coffee. Blech! It wasn't until after college that I grew to tolerate it. How did a 3 yo even have the opportunity to taste coffee in the first place?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:30 PM Flaglol -- i'm the first OR -- we gave our 2 yo a sip of bailey's on a flight b/c she wanted it and hey, it was included with the flight -- told ya horrible parents! the flight attendant was a little surprised, but it was just a teeny weensy sip. you gotta knock those kids out on flights - j/k. kids want crap you're having. but i still cannot stand the taste of coffee -- especially that aftertaste. yuck-o.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:33 PM FlagHaha. Child endangerment! Ugh. Bailey's makes me sick to my stomach. Always has, always will. I avoid it like the plague.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:37 PM FlagHaha - the flight attended probably thought you were the best parents on the flight!! How have you lasted on UB?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:40 PM Flag
[+] My last question about G&T results and then can let it go. If a dc scored super high ... 5 replies
- The Bracken is pretty meaningless. It tests not reasoning, but memorized facts and vocab that most kids know if they've been in daycare or preschool....
Talk : : April 10, 2012
My last question about G&T results and then can let it go. If a dc scored super high on the Bracken (BSRA) part of the test and quite low on the OLSAT part, how would you interpret that? Why the discrepancy?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 02:11 PM Flag ]The OLSAT has been reviewed as an unreliable test. My DD had the same situation. The way that they questions are phrased on the OLSAT and the way the tester is limited in the way they present the test seem to have a lot to do with this. Google OLSAT and you'll get a feel for what I am talking about.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 02:16 PM FlagDC is well developed. Knows his colors, numbers, letters, shapes. Pattern and matching type of reasoning is less well developed.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 02:19 PM Flag
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[+] 4.5 year old DC only missed one OLSAT q and got 100% on Bracken...I wish they'd split... 14 replies
- STEM and all our zoned ones, we don't live in Manhattan and there was no logistical way for us to get dc to school anywhere else (little bro's daycare is near home)....
Talk : : April 10, 2012
4.5 year old DC only missed one OLSAT q and got 100% on Bracken...I wish they'd split the 99 or move to raw #'s like Hunter did with the SB. Would be much more fair.
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 12:43 PM Flag ]As mom to a zero errors kid last year (who got shut out of both citywides and our zoned G&T), I'm biased to agree with you.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:47 PM FlagActually, I wish g&t was given in like 2nd grade, and went from 2nd or 3rd grade through 8th grade. Think it would make more sence and be more meaningful to the children who qualify.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:52 PM FlagLook - my dc got 99 a few years running and never got a decent placement offer. It's all B.S.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 01:47 PM Flag
[+] Mom who interviewed nanny who asked for $1000 net - did you hire her and for how much... 7 replies
- How much is daycare in SF?...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Mom who interviewed nanny who asked for $1000 net - did you hire her and for how much?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 11:51 AM Flag ]
[+] Does anyone know of a preschool or alt program (pref UWS) that will take children in ... 2 replies
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Does anyone know of a preschool or alt program (pref UWS) that will take children in September that are less than 2 (my daughter will be 22 mos)? I am a SAHM so I don't need a full day daycare program - just a few hours for her to socialize and learn with others......
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 09:47 AM Flag ]
[+] Sometimes I wish I had inherited wealth. But other days, I think that I probably woul... 15 replies
- Then it is scary to think there is more than one! I just mentioned it because I always thought, good thing she has money, because she has no life skills otherwise. Who knows, though, for all I know she is a doggie daycare mogul these days. I hope there was something to fall back on....
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Sometimes I wish I had inherited wealth. But other days, I think that I probably wouldn't have worked as hard, and continue to work hard, with all the ensuing benefits, if I knew that I'd eventually get a boatload of money.
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 04:24 AM Flag ]I thought it totally messed up one girl I used to know. She had been to like four colleges without ever getting a degree, and in the time I knew her she bounced around like five different career attempts ... Lots of pie in the sky stuff that her family funded, like trying to open her own gym and trying to buy a vineyard. I read a few years ago that her trust was wiped out in the Madoff business.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:44 AM Flag-
First and last letters of both her names are in the first and last 6 letters of the alphabet.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:19 AM Flag-
Then it is scary to think there is more than one! I just mentioned it because I always thought, good thing she has money, because she has no life skills otherwise. Who knows, though, for all I know she is a doggie daycare mogul these days. I hope there was something to fall back on.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:49 AM Flag
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I flunked out of/dropped out of college several times. Had several different careers. I don't come from money.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:31 AM FlagIt's not a 100% correlation. Some kids rise to the occasion of having privilege and money. Others flame out, sometimes spectacularly. I have known people who were examples of both. It just sometimes seems extraordinary when someone who potentially has the resources to do "anything" still ends up doing nothing, all the while squandering enormous amounts of money they didn't earn, often in really miscalculated directions. You try to open a restaurant with Daddy's money while not having worked your way up to know the business, you are asking to self-destruct.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:28 AM Flag
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I know 4 people who have big trust funds and not one of them has had a steady job for the past 15 years. It really does seem to affect your motivation.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:05 AM Flag-
I never saw that documentary a few years back on HBO about money but supposedly everyone rich kid who grew up rich was just a miserable and lonely soul.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:21 AM Flag
[+] I think that my toddler is probably going to have special needs. She is getting EI n... 3 replies
- Former daycare worker here. #1 issue will be teacher to child ratio. GL!...
- If you're in NY, she may be eligible for free preschool from age 3 if she qualifies when evaluated for transition to CPSE from EI. If you're using a mainstream daycare, you want one that will accommodate visits from whatever therapists EI/CPSE authorizes....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
I think that my toddler is probably going to have special needs. She is getting EI now and will be evaluated by the town when she turns 3. My mom has been babysitting but now I need to put her in a full time daycare center. What should I look for in a center given that she will probably need extra help?
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 08:47 PM Flag ]
[+] WESTCHESTER/NY moms: I'm a newly single mom about to rent in Westchester. I can't aff... 18 replies
- OP: I make $120k; about $8000/month (take home) to work with, including child support. I have affordable childcare right now, but depending on where I move, I might have to figure something new out (likely daycare, with my budget). Figure $1200/month for childcare (ex will pay the other $1200)....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
WESTCHESTER/NY moms: I'm a newly single mom about to rent in Westchester. I can't afford to buy, so I'm looking to rent in the best area for public schooling. I have two dcs, both under 3. Where should I look? Would like to have a 45-minute train commute to NYC, and am hoping to live somewhere that is not too too rich (I want my DCs to grow up comfortably, not being envious of their peers). I like Croton on Hudson, Pocantico Hills, Rye, Eastchester. Any suggestions? Am I missing any good towns? (My favorite is Bxville, but too $$). THANKS!!
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 06:09 PM Flag ]-
OP: I have heard mixed things about the schools. Do you know anyone with dcs there, by any chance?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:11 PM FlagCheck out Edgemont - great schools and economically mixed. There are a number of apt complexes along Central Park Avenue - mostly coops and condos, but some rentals. Try Scarsdale Ridge, The Edgemont, Scarsdale Meadows. Look at properties between $0 and $5000 on houlihanlawerence.com (or any other real estate website). GL
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:03 PM Flag
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OP: I make $120k; about $8000/month (take home) to work with, including child support. I have affordable childcare right now, but depending on where I move, I might have to figure something new out (likely daycare, with my budget). Figure $1200/month for childcare (ex will pay the other $1200).
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:15 PM Flag
Where do you live now? Are you working in NY? How much do you have to spend on rent? What about Forest Hills Queens or Riverdale?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:20 PM FlagOP: I can't move to Queens (have to stay within 30 miles of ex, and he'll be in Riverdale, actually.) I'm staying with my sister an hour north of the city and it's too far for me to commute. I'd like to spend $2100 or less on rent (I have no savings so I'm trying to put a ton away each month.)
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:24 PM FlagWhy not Riverdale then? Do you work? Where did you live when married? I really don't think you will find much in Westchester for 2100 in a good school district within 45 mins of the city.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:30 PM FlagOP: my dcs will share a room, and I've found some affordable 2-bedrooms online. I just am not all that well versed on the schools. Yes, I work (see above $120k salary). I will look into Riverdale. I just didn't think of it as a good school district. Thanks
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:33 PM FlagDefinitely good elementary publics in Riverdale. Not sure about middle. Do you have joint custody. If you want to co-parent at all being in the same town will be incredibly helpful. What about parts of NJ. I know nothing, but wonder if there is something there that meets your criteria.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:46 PM Flag
Think about this, it is not just time on Metro North. Most train stations in Westchester have 3+yr waiting lists for their parking lots. How will you get to the train and where will you park? Answers to these questions will increase commute time. I think you should consider a non-Manhattan borough of NYC.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:44 PM Flag
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[+] I'm completely befuddled by nannies people hire! Went to the park today (midtown east... 43 replies
- aisles of TJmaxx then have them at a daycare center. Trust me when I say this....
- It depends on the daycare. Some daycares have great programs are you will see 3...used to school. I understand the concern with daycare, but great caring teachers can be found in...
- NP: I have also worked at a daycare, and my experience was 100% different than what...kids could grow up in that environment. High-quality daycares are awesome....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
I'm completely befuddled by nannies people hire! Went to the park today (midtown east) half the park is filled with carribean nannies screaming as they try to converse with one another while their charges are strapped in the strollers. How do these parents think that people who act this wy are good examples for their children?
43 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 05:46 PM Flag ]Yawn. Please search "nanny" and "strapped in stroller" with the search feature, you can relive this amazingly interesting debate many times over.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:48 PM FlagWho said parents think their nannies are good examples for their children? Parents seem more concerned about the almighty hourly rate, the tampon quotient, and the Fiji water than the all day every day relationship that develops between the nanny and the DCs.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:50 PM Flagthey do it because they don't want to watch their kids or because they can't. nannies don't love a child like the mother does or care for her the same way the mother would. but it probably doesn't matter as long as mom is back in the picture by the time the kids are 8-ish. wealthy families with lifelong nannies, a different story.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:56 PM Flag-
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The wealthy families lifelong nannies thing are probably a better match. I have to agree though, the family I worked for was so strange about little things. I'm sorry they felt that they lacked that much control because I was afraid for my job all the time. Anyway, I don't want to work for a family like that anymore. It's too easy to step on toes, and you're there all the time, sometimes you can feel like the emotional whipping boy only your whip is with snide comments. And the parents that I worked for were a bit out of touch with their children. They would be too indulgent, and then that would backfire later on. I was like "can't you see what you're doing?" But they couldn't. Yeah, when I did that I was young and had more respect for adlts, simply because they were adults. But now I know they are people.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:33 PM Flag
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Op: the way they talk to each other is so crass - loud and such poor language. And the kids in the stroller - cmon people they should be engaging with these children in the park! Some of the strollers had kids not sven facing the nannies and I'm talking about 2 year olds just sitting there with a paci
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:57 PM Flagnp: If they're cursing in front of the kids, IA, not good, but I'm curious as to what the problem is with "loud" as I know plenty of loud moms. I personally don't think kids will be damaged by not being spoken to in the Queen's English every second of the day.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:32 PM Flag
+1000 totally shocked by what I see. Also see them all the time in TJMaxx or other stores while the child (toddler even) is awake in the stroller. Makes me sad.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:00 PM FlagI think human nature has us focus on the out of the ordinary. We had a fantastic nanny who absolutely loved and played with my dc's and still visits them to this day and they think of her as part of the family. Trusted her with dc's more than family members and I consider her a friend.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:22 PM Flag
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Because day care workers are a totally different kind of caregiver than nannies.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:28 PM Flagbecause day care workers can't talk on the phone all day. because kids at daycare aren't strapped in strollers all day. because most daycares don't bring kids on field trips to stroll the aisles at tj max, duane read, cvs, etc.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:33 PM FlagFirst of all, I guarantee you every dc home with their mom has gone on "field trips to CVS". That's called running errands. Second of all, you're fooling yourself if you think that babies in day care don't spend a chunk of the day strapped in bouncy seats or that day care workers are "actively engaged" in a way that nannies are not. I'm really not trying to bash day care but this claim that day care is educational while nanny = brain rot is just showing that day care parents are just as likely as SAHM's and parents with nannies to believe that their situation is better than everyone else's.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:45 PM FlagIt depends on the daycare. Some daycares have great programs are you will see 3 and 4 year olds doing daily worksheets, designed for them. They learn letters earlier, "blends," and have weekly scheduled with a certain level of academic rigor (for their age of course). They also interact with children their same age and develop social skills. Teachers can usually tell the kids who have attended preschool beforehand, and the ones who have not because they are already used to school. I understand the concern with daycare, but great caring teachers can be found in preschools, and I would take those teachers over a TJ Maxx shopping nanny, sure. I'm not sure if the nanny is up to par in the teaching and program level.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:43 PM Flag
Lol! I used to work at a daycare, and I would rather have my child with a nanny that talks on the phone and stroll the aisles of TJmaxx then have them at a daycare center. Trust me when I say this.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:47 PM FlagNP: I have also worked at a daycare, and my experience was 100% different than what yours seemed to be. Everyone I worked with wanted to be there, and all the lead teachers had at least a masters-level education in child development. Overall, they were true professionals and so warm and loving too. I would be thrilled if all kids could grow up in that environment. High-quality daycares are awesome.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:56 PM Flag
I am not Caribbean but in my culture, we are very loud. I don't know what you mean that crass and poor language - Are they swearing? Or are you referring to their command of the English language? Being loud doesn't harm the kids and it is not a sign of aggression, it is just how some cultures are.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:39 PM Flagnp: I'm glad you chimed in with this. I'm not Caribbean but work with several women who are and I sort of wanted to say that - it's a cultural difference, they're not being mean or rude, it's just how they talk and sound to people from different backgrounds. (In the same way that WASP's often think Italian-Americans are "loud", for example.)
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:48 PM Flag
My cousin babysits and is always telling me about how she hates the way that she sees SOME (not all) of the nannies yelling at the kids, but otherwise ignoring them to chat with the other nannies. She feels that if parents could see the "interactions" going on, they'd be horrified and probably start searching for alternate arrangements immediately. That being said, there are some wonderful nannies who watch the young kids in my apt building and many are from the Caribbean too. If I ever had the $$ to hire a nanny I'd probably ask her to stay away from the hangouts where all the nannies congregate - might increase the chances of her actually focusing on the child.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:53 PM Flag
[+] Any mom's of bilingual dc on? If your dc had little exposure to English prior to nur... 9 replies
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Any mom's of bilingual dc on? If your dc had little exposure to English prior to nursery/daycare what do you think is the best age to start to make sure dc is ready for school?
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 01:21 PM Flag ]you child will learn English in school. No need to start it before.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:44 PM Flagop: it is not an easy situation to through a 5 yo into. I agree nursery school is not a must in most circumstances but this is one of the exceptions IMO.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:52 PM FlagThat's not true - they pick it up almost instantly. PreK is a good idea in general because of the high expectations in K now. My sons go to a dual-language program that is 90% Spanish in K. Most kids don't speak Spanish to start and pick it up almost instantly. It's amazing to watch.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:12 PM Flag
My impression has always been that they pick it up really quickly at school, particularly at that age. My sister lives in Russia and has tried to speak English to her kids, but although they 'understand' it, once they started school, they really just adjusted to the language they're surrounded by outside the home. In fact they prefer it, she speaks to them in English and they respond in Russian.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:33 PM FlagIt is a common myth that kids pick up language immediately like that.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:46 PM FlagRight. Shame this myth won't die already. It has taken my DD 3 years to be demonstrably fluent in her 2nd language. I think she was fluent a bit before the 3 year mark, but was v. shy. Where we live, we are surrounded by the 2nd language - but speak only English at home. Even today, DD vocab in the 2nd language is thinner than her English vocab.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:14 PM FlagSorry to generalize, I really was sharing only my personal experience with my sister. Also here in the US having known several parents of older adopted kids. Granted, now that I think about it, they're delayed. I guess my 'normal' is a bit skewed. I apologize.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:27 PM Flag
[+] Just found out DB got into daycare for August. We currently have a nanny who we like... 9 replies
- Tell her NOW. Emphasize it's not her, mention you're choosing daycare for other reasons (financial, socialization, etc.) Tell her you'll give her...job when she finds one. Did you not know you were considering daycare when you hired her just 3-4 months ago?...
- OP - We've been on a waiting list for this daycare for about 8 months - I just found a job in...So yes, the plan was that DB would ultimately be in daycare but we didn't know when that would happen....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Just found out DB got into daycare for August. We currently have a nanny who we like (a couple of minor issues here and there, but overall she is wonderful and DB loves her). Any suggestions for how to let her go with dignity and minimal drama? Notice vs. no notice? Severance? TIA!
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 01:18 PM Flag ]How long has she been with you? If your relationship is good, she will most likely be willing to stay until August. That is prime nanny hiring season, people often are in the market for a nanny as camp and vacation season is ending.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:20 PM FlagOP - she's been with us since January. I'm a little nervous about telling her in advance in case she flakes - DH and I aren't able to take time off work and don't have family in the area to help out...any ideas? FWIW I plan on helping her find another job/paying severance.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:23 PM FlagIf only that short, then yeah I'd be worried she will flake. She would be in the right to take/start a new job when she finds one. Did you not know you were considering daycare when you hired her just 3-4 months ago?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:35 PM FlagOP - We've been on a waiting list for this daycare for about 8 months - I just found a job in January and we needed childcare in the interim while waiting for a spot to open up. DB got accepted for the next "school year" at the end of August. So yes, the plan was that DB would ultimately be in daycare but we didn't know when that would happen.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:38 PM Flag
I would tell her at the end of May, offer her a month's severance is she stays with you and tell her you will help her find another job
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:42 PM Flag
[+] Spinoff from the two poster who are alluding to abuse. This is a message to moms: ple... 22 replies
- Or good daycare/preschools. In that case there are also often things in place to make it more safe such as more than one adult in the room at all times, rooms visable to other rooms etc....
Talk : : April 08, 2012
Spinoff from the two poster who are alluding to abuse. This is a message to moms: please be ever so careful with your children. do not just trust people because you want time off from your children.Try not to judge the over protective helicopter moms. They may have good reason to be this way. I was abused growing up and I don't need to speak about details but I do want to say that the abuser was a person of authority (not clergy), was very respected, intelligent, charming, and people trusted him. These people who prey on children are very good at it. I'm not trying to send fear waves I'm just saying take the time to really know who your children are around, be it school, church, sports, childcare.
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.08.12, 06:12 PM Flag ]Thank for the reminder. I attended a child sexual abuse seminar this winter for my job and it was pretty scary, but I also learned so much. The most important thing was to be aware of signs, be involved and if you suspect something is happening with dcs to trust your gut, you can stop things before they go further.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:16 PM FlagI will never forget this strange couple who always sought time with little kids at a church I attended. When I was pregnant they bought me maternity clothes that were very expensive. It was on over-the-top gift that was odd. But they were respected and warm. When our baby was born and he was about 10 months old we asked them to watch him one afternoon. When we returned and were changing his diaper, for the first time, he covered his private parts with his hand when being changed. I was a SAHM and he had never done that before. We had such an uneasy feeling that we cut off complete contact and it was very hurtful to the couple. But I still think we did the right thing.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:20 PM Flagop here: Wow. Was this at a school? I'm happy to hear this is being talked about and the signs are there. However, most kids never tell. I never, ever told and my siblings never, ever told. I'm not sure why we didn't but we didn't.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:20 PM FlagMy response was to the person who went to the seminar. Good for you with the gut instinct about the baby. That sounds awfully young and odd that it would be a couple but who knows. You sound like aware parents.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:22 PM FlagI work with Social Workers. The seminar didn't say that kids always say something, but the might shy away from a person, say they don't want a certain sitter anymore...there was more to it. Also profiled some types of pedophiles, apparently some will "groom" a child for years building a relationship with the family to build trust before acting. CREEPERS UGH.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:28 PM FlagI posted above about the couple from the church - I felt like they were trying to "groom" us like this. Gain our trust. Bought us presents. Kept saying "go get a mani/ pedi and we'll watch db. " I felt like they kept offering free babysitting and it was weird. So unsettling. Yet they were so warm and friendly and participated in so many respected activities. My gut said NO. So I listened...and I don't regret it despte the hurt it seemed to cause them.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:32 PM Flag
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They are everywhere that children are. Again, not to send fear waves. There are also numerous caring, wonderful people who love children. It's a very hard balancing act being a parent. We need to teach our kids to trust the world but have a healthy skepticism. I think just always being around them, knowing who they are with and being a constant force goes along way.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:24 PM Flag
[+] Neighbor with really smart dc says that if her dc doesn't get into NEST or Anderson a... 86 replies
- Many of us have dcs in different schools anyway--my dcs are spread out so they've been in different schools for 3 yrs (1 in preschool/daycare) the other in g&t. Who knows if #2 will qualify so there's a good chance they'll stay at diff schools. I...
Talk : : April 08, 2012
Neighbor with really smart dc says that if her dc doesn't get into NEST or Anderson again (trying for 1st grade spot now), they are leaving the city for good. She says they're sick of paying the high taxes and not getting the educational opportunity her dc deserves. I have to agree with her... and my dc is at a district G&T. Her dc is super smart and they can't d private and was Wait-Listed at Hunter.
86 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.08.12, 11:50 AM Flag ]The sibling nonsense makes it really hard for others, esp 99's who get trumped
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 11:52 AM FlagNP: So siblings get in irrespective of their own test results?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 11:58 AM FlagNo. The sibs have to qualify (90 for district G&T or 97 for Citywide), but once they qualify, they go to the top of the list, ahead of non-sibs with higher scores.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:01 PM FlagHmm. I get the 'loyalty' thing at privates, but at schools buoyed by taxes this is grossly unfair and 'un-meritocratic'. This needs to be officially addressed.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:21 PM FlagThe official line is that they want to keep families together - families with multiple DCs in one school tend to be more involved in the school - when you have to get multiple DCs to multiple schools at the same time, you don't have the ability to get involved in either school. Sibling policies only apply to elementary schools, so there is also the ease of commute factor when dealing with young DCs. (BTW - I have an only DC, so I don't get the benefit of a sibling policy).
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:30 PM FlagI guess this is one of those 'Life is unfair' situations. It's great if you get in but is absolutely unfair if you're OP's neighbor.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:39 PM FlagThere are so many 99's who fail to get into Anderson or NEST - even if you got rid of the sibling policy, it would barely make a dent. And the OLSAT is not a finely grained testing instrument (the DOE doesn't have any finely grained anythings). So a 97 v 99 doesn't mean that much. On the old Stanford Binet, you actually could see the difference a point often made. I don't think anyone can say that the 99s seem smarter than the 97s. The real problem is 1. a stupid test; & 2. not enough gifted programs. Why don't they just make more gifted programs?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:28 PM Flag-
oops, meant the DOE can't just wave a wand and create more G&t programs, especially citywides. There is a lot of opposition to it, some people see it as draining scarce resources meant for less advantaged kids. Also, my SIL works for a test contractor who has been in negotiations with the city for years on this and she says they can indeed change the criteria to make the cut off 99.5 (they just increase the number of questions the kids have to get right), which would cut the number of kids who qualify down to about 400. And the parents advisory groups are always dead set against it. So where do you stand on that? Would you feel better if fewer kids -- maybe your own? -- got a qualifying score?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:22 PM Flag
I don't buy the keep families together thing for g&t. Most families will take a better placement for their 2nd dc if available over keeping the family together. If you want to keep family together go to gen Ed.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:58 PM Flagreally? we only have one dc so the sibling preference works to our disadvantage, but really? you want to make people get two small children to two different elementary schools at the same time?? in the end, i guess it is about the kind of world you want. I want a world where families are valued, even though the particular results in this instance do not work in my favor.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 04:33 PM FlagMany of us have dcs in different schools anyway--my dcs are spread out so they've been in different schools for 3 yrs (1 in preschool/daycare) the other in g&t. Who knows if #2 will qualify so there's a good chance they'll stay at diff schools. I
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:29 PM FlagWe made a choice to keep sibs together in a district g&t even though we had a chance to put younger sib at a citywide. Studies show that parent involvement at a school has a significant impact on the child's performance. We felt it was more important for the kids to have a shared experience and for my husband and I to have more time to spend at the school. It is a very personal decision but it can be very challenging for working parents to have kids at two different schools.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:52 AM Flag
If you want to take action petition the DOE to create more seats - it is obviously what parents want - the UWS which has a large number of 99 qualifiers just watched the city cram a Success Charter school into the area - the justification was the the city needs more good schools and there is a huge demand for UWS Success - I would suggest that there is a larger demand for new citywide seats. If the Teachers Union had a freaking clue they would get behind these wildly successful union run schools instead of lurking in the shadows.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:16 AM Flagx100 -- The greatest shame of the sibling policy is not that a tiny number of seats go to siblings who like their older brother/sister rocked a silly set of tests -- it is that so many parents focus on it as the problem, not the fact that the DOE is not creating more seats.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:08 AM FlagAnderson tried to add seats, and was able to add a few, until the local schools saw how well Anderson had moved into the space in the O'Shea bldg. That's when the land grab began. PS 452 was created to help with overflow from the neighboring schools, although 452 actually enrolls many students from outside its own zone. Anderson had to stop the expansion it had embarked on. If you want more citywide seats, let your CEC members know.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 02:45 AM FlagWhy shouldn't more people have 452 as a choice? Why is Anderson somehow more deserving. That building belonged to district 3 middle school space, no matter what anyone says. That said, neither school should have been out there, but don't say the superior g&t is somehow more deserving.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:20 AM Flag
look 15-@0% of the seats go to siblings- you know how you can address the seats issue? create more seats - BSI took only 99s after 1 year - from nothing 2nd most sought after school in the city - again from nothing with no additional cost other than the $500K startup they give any new school including charters - the official line is ther is no room - really? It seems to me the city finds room for any charter they want - and why - because they claim they must meet parental choice demands.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:51 PM Flag
the sib policy makes no sense for citywides--if you choose a citywide, you shouldn't expect sib preference too. It's not fair for 1 family to get lucky once and then get lucky again. Share the chances people! (signed mom of dc who got 99 for k entry and for 1st grade entry but no decent g&t option). I have 2 dcs and will try again with #2 since #1 has no shot after 1st grade with 99s.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 11:58 AM FlagI should not have to jackass two kids to two different schools - make more seats - there is nothing magical about citywides - they can be put anywhere.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:54 PM FlagI have to trek my non-citywide g&t kids to two different district g&ts because older one's is no longer accepting classes. Before that, I spent 3 years taking them to two diff schools. Why should you get off easy just because you got lucky the first time?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:47 PM Flag^^Sorry--I just realized that you weren't arguing with me! I agree that they should make more seats! Whatever happened to the Downtown Brooklyn g&t plan? I heard that the principal had issues but why didn't they just pick a different principal?
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:15 PM FlagIt was more than one thing - there was the Principal (who incidently a year later was exonerated), there was lackluster demand from the parents (i.e. people did not list it like they listed BSI /STEM, there was local opposition from community groups who wanted a charter (which they got the following year) and saw the citywide thing as a service to people not from the neighborhood. Incidently, not widely known BSI itself was nearly cancelled after the founding Principal stepped down - if the new Principal had not stepped up it might not have happened.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:41 PM FlagI hadn't heard that about BSI--the principal seemed great on the tour last year!
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 08:07 PM FlagShe apparently is perfect for that school, she was a corporate person, who became a teacher and went to the leadership academy, she apparently had submitted an idea for a new school and was picked for this one instead when the original Principal bowed out late in the process.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:08 AM Flag^it was in fact one of the reasons we did not select BSI - we recognized that the Principal would be a large factor in the success of the school and we did not want to take a chance that the Principal would quickly leave. It turns out she stayed and everything seemed to work out for BSI.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:22 AM Flag
Better yet Anderson had 3 classes which was reduced down to 2 - so 25 spots gone with the flick of the wrist, that is more than all the sibs that enter Anderson in any year.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:49 PM Flag
It makes sense when you are administering a school system with more than a million students. At the elementary school level, siblings get admissions preference. One policy for all elementary schools, period. Trying to apply two or three different systems (Citywide, District G&T, GenEd), sometimes within the same building gets to be too cumbersome. DOE has a hard enough time keeping the single preference system straight. Why make it more complicated?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:35 AM Flag
I think that people who are not open minded to see all the great things that can be learned in Gen Ed in addition to the academics SHOULD leave the city. Good Riddance and Good bye.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 01:24 PM FlagI can't speak for her district G&T but the work they are doing at my DC's school is more advanced than her friends at Anderson. So much of that has to do with the teacher and the peers. Has she toured both those schools? Has she toured the other options she might have in the city after test results? Saying that without even seeing what other kids are doing is crazy.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 02:06 PM FlagUnless you have a dc at Anderson, how could you possibly reach this conclusion with any degree of certainty?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:17 AM FlagNP- But my son who is at a great gen ed has a close friend in the building at Hunter and a close friend at Anderson. All of the moms in the building talk about school, teachers, homework, etc. I could tell you exactly what kids in 1st grade are doing at both Hunter and Anderson and my son doesn't go to either.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:30 PM FlagIn the grand scheme of a K-8 education what goes on between K-2 is not relevant. There is a larger range of abilities and it evens out by 3rd. Any acceleration at younger grades does not make for better grades later...it only stresses out the dc. The best privates in the city know this and live by this rule.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:30 PM Flag
While I do feel for them, hinging your decision whether to stay or leave the city on getting into Anderson or NEST is no different from saying that you would leave the city if you don't win the lottery. Many suburban schools don't have ANY G&T to speak of, even best districts in Westchester have an ad-hoc pull-out programs if any. So what are you gaining other than really high property taxes and smaller class size? Skipping middle/high schools admissions derby is certainly worth a lot, but it applies to all the kids in NYC, not just the smart ones.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 05:05 PM FlagThat is her choice. Personally I don't understand why she feels her DC "deserves" these opportunities. There are plenty of really smart kids in gen. ed. and most suburban school districts do not even have g&t programs. If she thinks it is better in the burbs then she should go. but her entitled attitude will not help her there either.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:26 PM FlagIf her kid is on the hunter wait list, I'd stick it out for a couple of years just for that. The wait list is small and often moves in the first few years. There is baasically no chance at NEST or Anderson. Also make sure she chooses the burb wisely. We moved to a burb with a highly rated school system and it was nothing compared to the NYC G&T I pulled my kids out of.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:03 PM Flag-
No chance for first grade at NEST or Anderson after K. Almost every spot that opens gets taken by a sibling.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:22 PM FlagSo last year there were 12 spots at NEST 5 were taken by sibs, my child got a 1st grade spot at NEST last year. Odds are slim but I would not say no chance. K class has 25 children if DOE expands them again to 28 (4 classes that is 12 spots plus attrition maybe a seat - minus sibs ~6 and you'll have 6 or 7 spots for 1st at NEST.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:34 PM FlagYou were lucky! My dd and at least 5 others from her district g&t all got 99s last year and all applied for NEST for first grade entry (all also got 99s for k entry the year before)--everyone's still at district.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 08:05 PM FlagWe were, people told us not to bother and apply as ther are NO spots, I distinctly remember the Saturday of the Olsat - we had a classmates birthday party and I almost didn't go - hence the need to correct people. It is a lottery but as in most lotteries someone wins.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 04:10 AM Flag
Was it an easy adjustment for your child to start at NEST in 1st grade?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:23 AM Flagnot at all socially, academically, it took a little while to catch up, maybe over a course of two three months, the school had a weekly lunch with the guidance counselor for all new kids by grade to make sure the kids were adjusting well. Now 6 months later you couldn't tell the difference between who started in K and who came in 1st.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:05 PM Flag
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Why do they think a suburban public school is going to do special things for their kid and cater to their needs? I don't get it. I think G&T and private is over-rated, but I do see why people think they are different than a public gen ed. What I don't understand is why people think that public schools in Scarsdale are going to be just like a private school.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 09:44 PM FlagThe OP did not equate public suburban schools with private schools.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 03:19 AM Flagnp: but she equated suburban school with Hunter. That is even more ridiculous.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:17 AM FlagExactly, I didn't phrase it well above but what I mean is, I really don't understand why people think a suburban public school is a perfect fit for a gifted dc while a public gen ed in the city isn't appropriate for them. Other than the fact that the kids are richer and whiter, what exactly is the difference?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:11 AM Flagactually, i think nyc public school teachers can be a lot more creative, smart and interesting than burb counterparts. they are far more likely to have MA from bank st or teachers college whereas LI teachers have MA from post or adelphi. have a ton of teacher friends and family in both places, FWIW. plus my kid is in gen ed, learning so much more than i did at the same age. she is reading children's classic books in school and studying artists and architecture, none of which i did in burb public.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:23 AM Flag
It is. Suburban schools in Westchester pay over 2x what Hunter pays its teachers. They invest in curriculum and professional development of their staff. They have gym more frequently. They expose children to all sorts of kids.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:05 AM Flagdo you know any of these burb teachers? I don't in Westchester and I do in LI. You would be horrified. Trust me. And all kinds of kids -- what?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:08 AM FlagTop westchester teachers make 6 figures. I think that kind of says everything doesn't it? Ask any top NYC principal where she loses her amazing teachers....
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:09 AM FlagIf they are over 50 y.o. The younger generations mostly want to live/work in the city. Just like UBers, they want to live and work here too, even if it means slightly lower salary. Not all, of course, but there is a similar divide in terms of the types of people who see themselves as urban vs. suburban.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:12 AM Flag
She sounds like a smart, rational person. My dc is at one of the schools OP would like and I feel like moving to the suburbs! There's no questions if you are upper middle class NYer who pay taxes like there's no tomorrow and you get zero value. Lots of folks try to pretend it's otherwise and I admire them--wish I could fool myself like that. Makes for happier times!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:38 AM Flagso tell us the great burb where you will not pay huge taxes.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:44 AM Flag-
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^^^we have friends in westchester and bergen cty who think their public schools are sub-par and send to HM, ECFS. Are they getting something more for their taxes? $72k, no less.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:06 AM FlagWell I understand you are impacted by your friends' experiences, it's only human. But statistically speaking there will always be the rich family who wants to spring for a hill school. But that in no way proves that Scarsdale and Bronxville public schools are superior to 99% of NYC public schools.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:10 AM FlagI guess when you say "superior," I am not sure what that means. Comparing Heathcote Elem. vs. ps 6, for example. I am not that familiar with Westchester schools like I am with LI schools. For those I am pretty confident saying the overall experience (academic and social) is better at a school like ps234.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:16 AM Flag
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This entire discussion is absurd. Anyone who truly believes that because their four year child was able to provide the textbook response to a set of given prompts on a particular day is an idiot and should have their children taken away from them to prevent further abuse.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:34 AM Flag
[+] Dear Teachers: This is an anonymous post. Aside from crazy poster today what's your w... 37 replies
- I taught at a daycare/preschool and the worst parents were the ones who brought their children in sick and miserable. We called a mom one afternoon b/c her dd had a fever and the mom was right back at the school the next a.m. I feel sorry for...
Talk : : April 07, 2012
Dear Teachers: This is an anonymous post. Aside from crazy poster today what's your worst parent story ever. We won't tell.
37 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.07.12, 03:53 PM Flag ]This was actually hard to come up with. I had a parent recalculate a grade and say I was off by .2%. We used letter grades so it did not matter and I used a spreadsheet, so it wasn't a math mistake, but a detail in the formula. Another parent didn't call me back when I was calling her from the EMERGENCY room on December 23rd and couldn't get to the hospital for 4 and a half hours!!! No last minute Xmas presents for my nephews!
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:58 PM FlagI teach preschool and get at least one parent a year who tells me how stupid my job and preschool in general is. It is usually a Dad and he is usually a very rich lawyer/finance guy. Every fucking year.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 03:59 PM FlagOh my this should be a movie. Imagine if you went into his job and criticized his position.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 04:00 PM FlagI find it so rude. Especially when it is during a parent/teacher conference. Some of the dads are so rude I wish they didn't come. If you can't take off your sunglasses,stay home.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 04:03 PM Flag-
That I can understand. It is rude,but people have busy lives. I once had a guy lay in the beanbag and check his email while his wife and I conducted the conference. A mom once showed up for a Halloween party in a costume with thigh highs and heels. She looked like a whore and I was embarrassed for her.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 04:10 PM Flag
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I have a theory that a lot of the anti-teacher posts on UB come from dh's. I remember one post started by a teacher that attracted a heckler that sounded very male to me for some reason. I think a lot of it is men in law and finance who think anyone who goes into any other profession is stupid.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 06:25 PM Flag
I had a parent tell me that her kid didn't have to respect me because 1) her nanny earned more than me and 2) she taught her to respect intelligence and ambition, not the bottom 5% of the graduating class. Also, in a public school, I got punched in the face.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 04:01 PM FlagHow old was the dd who said that? I would feel like a failure as a parent if my dc's ever spoke to a teacher or any grown up like that. Sorry.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 04:05 PM Flag
I taught at a daycare/preschool and the worst parents were the ones who brought their children in sick and miserable. We called a mom one afternoon b/c her dd had a fever and the mom was right back at the school the next a.m. I feel sorry for parents without backup, but making everyone else in the school sick is not the solution.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 04:18 PM FlagI have stories from the private school world and the public school world. Private School Story: a mom called me 15 minutes after a final to tell me that her daughter felt her essay question was unfair (they were all different). Public School Story: Aside from the kids sleeping on dirty mattresses on the floor, I once had a mom tell me she had bought a funeral insurance policy for her foster son because she thought he'd get shot in less than three years. Gang stuff, etc.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 07:01 PM FlagI've not had too many obnoxious parent stories, but I have had a bunch of sad ones. One was a parent who was locking her children in their apartment for 18 hours a day in the summer with no food and no AC. Her kid would call me at home (yes, I gave him my number out of fear for him) crying. Called dept. of children and family and they couldn't prove anything. The social worker was lovely though. I wanted to adopt the student and would have taken his brother and sister too. The mom yanked them out of our school because of it. The student is a grown man now and he is doing okay. I also had a mentally ill mother of a student who was also probably mentally ill. I went to visit her at her home. They were on the 3rd floor. The 2nd floor "tenants" below them were at least a dozen prostitutes all living together in a one bedroom apartment. The student's apartment had only one entrance, totally in violation of fire code. The mom couldn't afford to pay for heat so she used space heaters and left the oven door open. All my parent stories are the sad kind.
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 07:23 PM Flagteaching nearly 20 years, so too many funny/terribly sad: parents who wrote absence note to excuse DC for missing an exam to audition for "American Idol", parent who told me the poor grade I gave DC would prevent her from becoming an astronaut, parent who told me I couldn't tell her identical twins apart when one was a miserable bitch and the other, a saint. I could go on...
[ Reply | More ]04.07.12, 11:21 PM FlagSo I worked at a preschool for a little while and couldn't stand it. I loved the kids. But it was eh after awhile. I tried, I really did. But parents snapping at me, I can't handle it. Some parents nag at me and I can't say anything back because the kids are right there in the room and I don't want to upset one by arguing with their parent in front of them. Another mom snapped at me for something I didn't even do/ hadn't been trained on. Just the attitude of "you owe me this, because I am giving all of this money to the school" really irks me. Well, folks I don't make enough to be your emotional whipping boy so that is why I don't work there anymore. There were awesome parents, but the parents with issues I have absolutely no patience for, especially when it is just their personality.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 12:39 PM Flag
[+] What's a good business my DH could start? Without outrageous start-up costs? He has a... 21 replies
- He wants to open doggie daycare with a bar so people can sit and have a drink after work with their dog. I'm trying to think of something better! ; )...
Talk : : April 06, 2012
What's a good business my DH could start? Without outrageous start-up costs? He has an MBA. He is a director of operations and a purchasing manager at a construction company right now.
21 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 01:53 PM Flag ]If he can't think of a business to start, he probably shouldn't start one. It's just too much work.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 01:56 PM FlagHe wants to open doggie daycare with a bar so people can sit and have a drink after work with their dog. I'm trying to think of something better! ; )
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 01:59 PM Flagoh boy. That is terrible. Sounds like he should stick to working for the man.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 02:02 PM FlagThere's a fun dog bar in Williamsburg. I love dogs on bars. Tell him to put in washers and dryers and serve PBR tall boys and all the hipsters will love the bar.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 02:11 PM Flag
Anonymous remailer. I send you the letter to send to my DH's skanky girlfriend of the "I know who you are and I saw what you did" variety, and you send it from the anonymous mailbox in a town near you, nowhere near me. I'd pay the $30.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 02:07 PM FlagHow about a website where people "friend" each other and post photos and messages that their friends can look at and comment on?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 02:43 PM Flag
[+] Nanny told me she tried to stop my DS from having a tantrum over a DVD by putting her... 81 replies
- Question: Was she there to purchase something? Or was she using it as daycare/museum. Kids don't get that they are in a store to window shop. Once I figured out it was too tempting to take my kids into toy stores or any stores where they might find something they wanted, I stopped. Trying to explain...
Talk : : April 06, 2012
Nanny told me she tried to stop my DS from having a tantrum over a DVD by putting her hand over his mouth and restraining DS from hitting by holding his arms down. I am not happy because I think her tactics are too severe but I am a first time mom. Would you try to find a new nanny?
81 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 12:17 PM Flag ]How old is DS? And the fact that she told you seems to me she is keeper. Don't agree with hand over the mouth but definitely okay to hold his arms down if he was hitting.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:21 PM Flag^^though real question is why is a DVD in the picture if you have a nanny.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:21 PM FlagNanny again. Oh goodness, you lost me there. Some families are completely fine with DVDs/TV (gasp--even when the nanny is there!). Others are not. Don't judge her or her nanny based on your TV viewing preferences. Plus, this post doesn't even tell us that the nanny was letting him watch TV! Sounds just the opposite to me!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:26 PM Flag
Nanny here, and I agree. I also think it depends on how long she put her hand over his mouth. If it was just for a couple seconds to get his attention, no big deal, but imo it's not ok to clamp a hand over his mouth and keep it there for a long time. That would be scary for a child. Also, I'm assuming these were two separate incidents, is that right OP?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:24 PM FlagWhen DS starts flailing and hitting, screaming and kicking, it goes on for 10-20 minutes. Same incidents over and over
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:26 PM FlagNanny. Ok, so was she holding him with one arm in a "bear hug" position while also clamping her hand over his mouth for a long time? Fire. Was she trying these methods separately, even if during the same fit (and not holding mouth shut for a long time)? Then not a big deal, she was just trying to see if different methods would get through to him. FWIW, it's very hard to be a nanny in public with an out of control child. That doesn't excuse it if she went too far, just something to keep in mind.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:30 PM Flag
DS is 2years and 4 months. They were at a bookstore and he wanted a DVD. Whenever anyone says no lately he has been having epic tantrums.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:25 PM Flag
I'd tell her to keep her hands off of him for any reason. Let him have a tantrum. Don't give him any attention except an occasional "are you feeling better now?" or "ready to do something else now?" tell her to be patient and ride it out. No physical restraint.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:21 PM FlagSanctimommy alert!!! The nanny is never to land a hand on the child...really? What if DC is slugging another kid?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:23 PM FlagNot really. I'm German and don't get hysterical or use physical force to do a job that will work itself out with patience. Try it sometime!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:25 PM FlagNP: If your kid is beating up another kid, I would certainly hope you'd physically remove/restrain him.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:28 PM FlagSo the 3 yo is hitting then 9 month old and you stand bye and let it work itself out? Really?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:28 PM FlagWhen we are out with DS, he is not able to calm himself down and will continue violent tantrum for what seems like forever
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:28 PM Flag-
Definitely. The hand over the mouth is especially troubling and, fwiw, will not stop a tantrum.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:22 PM FlagHow long did she have her hand over his mouth? If they were in a bookstore and noise level is an issue, I can understand trying to silence him. Holding his arms down is also understandable if they were in a store. No one wants a tantruming child destroying stock.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:34 PM FlagThere is no reason why a 2.4 yo knows what a DVD is. I totally blame the parents on this one. You dangle crack in front of your kid, your nanny says no and then your kid throws a tantrum and now you want to fire the nanny???? Really? Look in the mirror and start parenting not relying on your nanny to enforce rules that you clearly do not keep at home.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:41 PM FlagIt's dangerous and I wouldn't allow it. Restraining a child for something as normal as a tantrum is not good. Why not let him flail and scream? Just ignore and you've basically taken away the power of the tantrum.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:49 PM Flag-
Of course you could. You throw the child in the stroller and leave immediately. The more you try to placate a public tantrum, the more likely it is to occur again.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:54 PM FlagHave you ever tried to get a seriously, violently tantruming 2 and a half year old in to a stroller, buckled, and out of the store? It's not as easy as it sounds. Plus, maybe she was trying! We only have a very small look into this episode with what OP gave us.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:58 PM FlagAt that age, you put hm under one arm and carry him outside, stroller in the other. Hand over mouth is not less disturbing.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:59 PM FlagI agree that with most kids this would work. But what if the kid is a biter? What if he kicks all the books off the shelves on the way out? What if he is big for his age and, adding the kicking and flailing to that, the nanny can't get him out that way? I'm just saying, there are a LOT of variables here about which we know nothing.Besides, now you're saying that she should restrain him for something as normal as a tantrum," just in a different way than she chose in the heat of the moment.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 01:05 PM Flag
Was she actually shopping? DVDs, books etc are tempting to a kid. Of course they want it. I stopped shopping with my own kids at that age. What's the point. Unless she was on an errand, skip it. Sounds cruel in a way--you're hungry and nanny takes you to a store full of food and says--no we can't buy anything. Same with a 2 year old. They have no idea what a store is, why they can't take something and they are strapped in.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 02:25 PM Flag
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You say that he had this tantrum in a bookstore - what should be a quiet place. I would have left immediately but maybe she was waiting in line or something? I'm not saying that she should have covered his mouth but I don't think it's a fireable offense given the context. I also think that the fact she told you this story means that she wants to let you know your kid is a little out of control. Maybe she's hoping you'll do something about it.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 12:56 PM FlagNanny should be able to re-direct DS or wait it out.. I wouldn't do this to my child and wouldn't want my nanny to do it. Epic tantrums will work themselves out as DS develops. That's all normal 2 yo stuff. Why would she need to clamp his mouth shut? My DD had huge tantrums at that age and her personality is just temperamental and sensitive, in general, but she has improved a lot with time and patience. Discipline is a process and, I don't know, I just wouldn't do this or like anyone else to...
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 02:00 PM FlagQuestion: Was she there to purchase something? Or was she using it as daycare/museum. Kids don't get that they are in a store to window shop. Once I figured out it was too tempting to take my kids into toy stores or any stores where they might find something they wanted, I stopped. Trying to explain to a 2 yo they are not there to get HIM something is too tempting. No wonder he had a tantrum. Just skip those things that turn kids into rabid animals. When they are older and at another stage they can be more reasonable. I still don't think the hand over mouth/restraining method is nice or efficient.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 02:23 PM Flag
[+] I don't like the idea of leaving my 4 y/o dd in a camp where the dc are swimming in t... 19 replies
- In that case, find a different camp or go with a daycare...
Talk : : April 06, 2012
I don't like the idea of leaving my 4 y/o dd in a camp where the dc are swimming in the pool on a daily basis. Is this strange? DH thinks i'm weird for feeling this way.
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 09:51 AM Flag ]are you afraid of water? They are closely supervised at all times and especially when around the pool, but don't do it if you're going to freak
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 09:54 AM Flag-
Depends on the camp. I think a lot of daycamps are run in a way where the supervision isn't really sufficient for a child that young, and I personally plan to wait until 6 or so before putting dc in a real day camp. For now, ds just goes to "camp" at his preschool - no pool, but they do have sprinklers, and I think that's enough for now.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 09:56 AM FlagOP: that's exactly what i'm looking for. unfortunately, her preschool is closed during the summer.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 09:57 AM Flag
I think the opposite. Great way for her to learn to swim, which is very important for her safety.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 10:06 AM FlagI was a camp counselor for 4 summers and worked with kids her age the whole time. The supervision should be constant and sharp - if it's not it's not a good camp. Plus if the program has kids this age then there should be an appropriate sized pool, not too deep. This is the age where a lot of campers learn to swim and that is an important safety skill IMHO. Sometimes it is too hot to run around and do activities safely, so camps use the pools to help the kids stay cool and avoid heatstroke. If you find an alternate camp without a pool, make sure to find out what they do to keep the kids cool and comfortable on super hot days. As for the skin condition, talk to her dr.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 11:37 AM Flag
[+] Dh is always saying, "I worry because I believe that one of these days you are just g... 14 replies
- Yes, that's how I take it. I do get stressed about not making it to the DC's daycare on time and am always running very close to being late. I am not a great cook, so whenever I try things they don't always turn out well. I forget the dry cleaning often, the house is always a mess and one of our DCs may be learning...
Talk : : April 06, 2012
Dh is always saying, "I worry because I believe that one of these days you are just going to leave us because this is just too much work." Whenever he says this I feel like it's a dig at me for not being able to do everything as well as he would like. It's really annoying and he says it nearly every day.
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 06:56 AM Flag ]Seriously? That's how yuo interpret that statement? I would interpret it as him saying this is a lot of work, I'm glad you're here to share it with me because I don't think I could handle it alone. Please don't leave.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:58 AM FlagYes, that's how I take it. I do get stressed about not making it to the DC's daycare on time and am always running very close to being late. I am not a great cook, so whenever I try things they don't always turn out well. I forget the dry cleaning often, the house is always a mess and one of our DCs may be learning disabled. I always feel like I'm failing and DH walks in, looks around and says, "Rough day? I do worry that you are going to leave us. This is so hard for you." It just hurts. A lot.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:09 AM FlagNP: I would also take what's said as a bash. He might not mean it as such, but he needs to know that that's not how you commiserate and thank your wife for a rough day. What he's saying, when he's saying it, and how he's saying sounds very condescending, critical, insincere and sarcastic.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:21 AM FlagBeing in a family isn't a cooking competition or an errand-running contest. He doesnt care about that stuff and neither does your kid. They DO care that they have a warm, fun, sweet wife/mom who acts like she basically enjoys their company.too many moms today think of it as Martha Stewarting, which isn't the point. Your family wouldn't care if you ordered in, and laughed when your DH came home -- "look at this mess! It's like a tornado happened, haha!" Being fun and relaxed makes a home. Not how clean it is or how gourmet the food is.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 10:38 AM Flag
unless he is saying it in some kind of weird way...I would think you are hearing it correctly - I see it more of an admission from him that he is not helping as much as he should and that it all falls on you and he is worried you are going to get fed up and leave - sounds like you guys need to discuss his insecurity
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:07 AM FlagThis is about him, not about you so... stop taking it as a dig at you. Figure out his issue. Did his mother leave the family when he was a kid? Some other woman relative? Is he insecure about marriage? Is he the one overwhelmed? This is a sign of something he really does worry about
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 09:48 AM Flag
[+] Just as an FYI, you cannot always trust the words coming out of a 4-6yos mouth. Sound... 13 replies
- I so agree-in my DS's daycare they would believe everything that came out of a child's mouth...
Talk : : April 05, 2012
Just as an FYI, you cannot always trust the words coming out of a 4-6yos mouth. Sounds pretty basic, but I'm amazed at the people who are ready to jump all over another mother because her DC says something like, "Oh, we never...I always...Mommy/Daddy/Nanny did this...." Mine goes around telling people stories of things that he has never witnessed - i.e. a dog attacking an alligator in Central Park. He firmly believes he has witnessed this once.
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 06:50 AM Flag ]-
Maybe OP is talking about the fact that some people always believe what their DC says, especially concerning caregivers. I see this on UB a lot. I agree with OP.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 06:58 AM Flag-
who DOESNT agree with OP? that's what makes it (ahem) obvious
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:01 AM FlagThat's just it - every other week there's a post on here along these lines: "My DC said that her teacher hit her. Should I call the cops or just hire a lawyer?" So there are plenty of people who just assume that their kids always tell the truth. I'm not saying to assume the kids are lying either, but I agree with OP that kids of this age are terribly unreliable witnesses.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:03 AM FlagThey are also very easy to lead. DC is crying and if I say, "Did daddy hit you? (DH will not even be there) and DC will say, "No." Then I can say, "Are you sure? I just saw daddy come out of the room and then I went in and you were crying." Then he will say, "Oh, I think so. Yes. I remember he was in my room and then I was playing and now I'm so sad." I've never done this, but my 8yo nephew has done this to my son in order to get out of trouble for hitting my son.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:14 AM Flag
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I so agree-in my DS's daycare they would believe everything that came out of a child's mouth
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:03 AM FlagFYI DD is the opposite she always tells the truth no matter how absurd it sounds, it has always been the truth.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:17 AM Flag
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[+] I'm freaking about retirement. I'm single, 31, make 60,000 (gross.) I put 10% into a ... 13 replies
- Up it to 15%. Next time you get a raise put the new money on the 401k before you get used to it. I know its hard but then you'll get married and have a baby and either SAH or pay for daycare and it'll be even harder....
Talk : : April 04, 2012
I'm freaking about retirement. I'm single, 31, make 60,000 (gross.) I put 10% into a 401k but my employer stopped matching. Should I up it to 15% instead? It'll make things a little tight, but I can swing it.
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.04.12, 08:34 PM Flag ]
[+] Am looking to start DB at daycare. How do I go about finding out if a daycare is lic... 3 replies
- Thanks I checked that and couldn't find the daycare I am interested in. Should I be concerned? Are many unlicensed?...
- Call the daycare and mention this. Pay attention to how they respond. Can they provide a license number or do they give you a story?...
Talk : : April 04, 2012
Am looking to start DB at daycare. How do I go about finding out if a daycare is licensed in NYS or NYC? Their website says they are licensed but doesn't provide a License #. I've tried finding the daycare center on the NYC licensed daycare website to no avail. Any help appreciated!
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.04.12, 05:29 PM Flag ]The Department of Health has info on this. See link: http://www.nyc.gov/html/doh/html/dc/dc-find.shtml.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 05:30 PM Flag
[+] Does your nanny have a smart phone? I was shocked by how many had them on the playgr... 14 replies
- I don't know. DC goes to a daycare and the caregivers aren't allowed to have their private phones while they work, there's just a "house phone"...
- I'm bragging about my daycare's awesome policy, obviously....
Talk : : April 04, 2012
Does your nanny have a smart phone? I was shocked by how many had them on the playground - I don't even have one
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.04.12, 04:56 PM Flag ]-
you know it's not like 4-5 yrs ago when only the rich had them. They're so inexpensive now, even 12 yr olds have it
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 05:02 PM Flag-
Her husband has an iPhone - she just got it for him as a gift because he never buys himself anything. I give her a phone - it's got web and a full keyboard - not sure if that makes it 'smart' - but it was 'free' when I added a line for her. I don't have a house phone and her phone was unreliable. Not all nannies are 'poor.'
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 05:07 PM FlagYou're probably also shocked by how many people have those newfangled flat-screen TVs (the only kind in production for about a decade now).
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 06:03 PM FlagI don't know. DC goes to a daycare and the caregivers aren't allowed to have their private phones while they work, there's just a "house phone" in case they need to call parents or vice versa. (They can use their own phones on their breaks when they're in the back office, obviously.)
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:07 AM Flag
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[+] Almost all of my teacher friends who have off work for a few days this holiday are st... 24 replies
Talk : : April 04, 2012
Almost all of my teacher friends who have off work for a few days this holiday are still sending their kids to a full day of daycare everyday they are off. How sad. I'm keeping mine home for one of those days the FULL day and I can't wait to spend some quality time with them, regardless of the fact that the day is paid for. They're my kids and they're worth it.
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.04.12, 02:58 PM Flag ]Stunning! How did you manage it OP?! Somehow you merged UB teacher hate, UB wohm hate, and UB sahm hate into one meaningful post. Amazing.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:02 PM FlagI don't hate teachers. We just have time off that some other people don't get--I could have just said "working moms with time off" and it would be the same thing. I don't hate anybody. I just feel bad for the kids. And I said nothing about SAHMs. And I'm not hating on WOHMs either, because they obviously aren't working those days. Your post doesn't hold much water.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:07 PM Flag
You are so special..jeez, can't anyone have a day to themselves. Good for mental health.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:04 PM Flagmaybe they'll do some errands, cleaning and laundry so that when they have dcs for the day they can just play.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:06 PM Flag-
I'm sorry but they work with students/kids all day and then still come home to deal with their own. I can understand why they would find it necessary to have a true break and get some time away from ALL children.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:10 PM Flagto DEAL with their own. some parents like to come home to their kids. some of us love to spend time with them, even if we need a break sometimes. you sound like a sad, awful mother. if you need 4 days away from your own kids so you don't have to deal with you should send them to boarding school. and abort any future ones.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:18 PM FlagYou sound like an ignorant mom who is self conscious about other aspects of her life so she finds small things to nitpick about in the lives of others to inflate her own self perception. That is truly sad. Those other moms are living their lives and at the end of the day, their children will love them the same. Actually probably more than yours who will probably avoid you as they grow older because you're too intense and needy. Moms like you become those needy older parents who can't let go.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:49 PM Flag
I am not a teacher, but I do work outside the home and I have to say I agree. I am always a little surprised that people don't use time off to be with their kids. I absolutely think a day to onesself is great, but how often do you get full days off with no plans with your kids? I would plan fun things, have a great time with them, etc.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 04:53 PM FlagI'm a great mom - but sometimes you need a break!!!! We take secret days off and have 'day dates' a few times a year. It's amazing! We'll go to a museum, get lunch, go to a movie, get a massage, and come home refreshed and ready to hit the playground. Every weekend is a kid marathon and there's nothing wrong w/ letting the kids continue their weekday routine (especially if you're paying either way) and to have a BREAK.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 05:15 PM Flag
[+] my ds has been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder... he is 5.5, mostly sensit... 107 replies
- I think it's really unfair of people not to recognize that there is such a disorder. I think that's what I had as a kid but it wasn't diagnosed back then. Daycare was torture for me - I really hated the noise, I just couldn't take it. I was so happy when elementary school started and kids were supposed to sit quietly most of the day. It was a huge relief for me. To this day, I can't take...
Talk : : April 04, 2012
my ds has been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder... he is 5.5, mostly sensitive to being touched by other kids and has a short fuse.... he is very smart, sociable and outgoing, just gets mad really easily and still has tantrums over minor things, such as a coat being zipped up or anything being lost or out of place.... i am so unsure of the diagnosis, though he is really difficult... people act like he is really spoiled/ badly behaved... i am exhausted by him and by other people's opinions... do children grow out of sensory disorder or does it just transform into somthing else? any help appreciated...
107 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.04.12, 12:08 PM Flag ]- [ Removed by moderator ] [ More ]04.04.12, 12:10 PM
np: I used to work with a guy whose son had this dx. He and his wife were good, disciplined parents.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:12 PM Flag-
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How much time did you spend with them? People do one thing but say another and consistency is key which is often the problem.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:18 PM Flag-
I just don't believe you can make a sound judgment about parents from talking to them.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:23 PM FlagYou are a fool if you don't get why this is being bandied about- it is NOT the parents.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:25 PM FlagOf course it's never the parents. Never ever ever. Especially the mother. It's always someone else's fault.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:26 PM FlagParents will go to enormous lengths to deny that anything is there fault. Why else would so many parents desperately latch on to vaccines, or environmental issues as explanations for autism, ADD/ADHD, and SPD when the real reason is used-past-the-expiration date sperm and eggs or just bad parenting? Because any answer that puts the responsibility on the parents is just soooo wrong. LOL.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 11:05 AM Flag
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Ooooh. And I'm sure that any bad parenting habits would have immediately come to light during your "talks" with them.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:18 PM Flagpp: I have little trouble believing you don't have people close enough in your life that you feel you know them.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:24 PM Flagnp: Every single parent I know with a child who is just you know a boy, or difficult and oppositional etc has parents who make excuses. There are real disorders and there are BS disorders.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:30 PM Flagpp: I have two boys. One as easy as pie. Hell easier than pie. He's easy as brownies from a box. The other one is hard as nails. Fights me on everything. It isn't a disorder, it is just a different kid. #2 is willful and strong. It will probably serve him really well in life but right now, it is aging me. But the ds of my friend, that is something completely different. I don't know enough about psych to talk about the diagnosis and the disorder -- but there was more there than just the effects of poor parenting choices.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:49 PM Flag
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ITA. Everything is a "disorder" these days. It's a win-win for everyone, except the child; the parents get the blame shifted away from them, the medical industry gets to "treat" yet another dreamed-up "disorder", but the kids, in the end, don't get what they really need: proper parenting.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:13 PM FlagYou have no idea. It just means he is a quirky kid. The SCHOOLS do this crap so they can maintain no-child-left-behind high scores and get funding. It is a racket and NOT the parents' fault. In fact, there is no real PROBLEM, so it is NO ONE's fault.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:19 PM FlagI have to say, I might agree with this. We found out that at our kids preschool, if they could get one kid diagnosed with something, they got an extra teacher in the classroom, paid for by the city, they also leaned on us very hard to go through a particular agency for our evaluation. It made us uncomfortable and we did it a different way, through our doctor.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:27 PM FlagYou know, the Board of Ed does not recognize sensory disorders (or dyslexia, for that matter). The schools often have to spend $2500 to get kids diagnosed and $5000 on services and they only get $3000 a year on services. I find that there is an element of fudging on every end, but while some kids are needlessly diagnosed, more kids need diagnosis than have them.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 04:27 PM Flag
I think this is a made-up diagnosis to make people feel better for not having their kid labeled somewhere along the spectrum of unpalatable diagnoses. My son is a year older than yours, has those behaviors, and was diagnosed as autism spectrum disorder. I am a social worker and I think he could as easily have been diagnosed as ADHD or even an Anxiety Disorder. The label doesn't matter - it is the treatment that does. For my son, after we exhausted all other treatments, we started him on a small dose of risperdal and it helped tamp down his impulsivitiy and aggression. It hasn't gotten him all the way there, but this plus natural maturing has helped a lot.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 04:27 PM Flagnp -maybe you should re-read your post, because it's unbelievably undisciplined in pretty much every possible way
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 06:13 PM Flag-
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My DS has a different, very mild iteration of SPD. I think it is something lots of children had when we were young, and most outgrew or learned coping mechanisms, but if OT will help then why not get him the best resources to help him through it?
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:15 PM Flaghe gets OT, and help at his school, but i feel like he is getting more and more pathalogized..we have lots of techniques that he uses to calm down, but at the core he has such a short fuse. he is a full blooded BOY type. he won't sit still in class, his responses are very fast and short tempered... he does have a sweet side, and is aware of his behavior and want to " be less aggressive"...
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:18 PM FlagOf course "lots" of children have it when they're young -- ALL children have it, in fact. It's called a BLANK SLATE. They "outgrow" it mostly through parental teaching and discipline -- you know, LIFE.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:19 PM Flag-
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I don't know much about this issue, but I do know that the so-called "blank slate" concept of the child psyche has long been discarded as a viable model. You shouldn't be pressing so hard with your argument if you don't know even the basics of child development. How could you possibly know what constitutes a disorder?
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 05:05 PM Flag
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If you want to improve things faster go to an OT. They can help with the sensitivities. A sensory gym is great if you can afford it. I will say by 6.5 my ds is finally outgrowing some of his sensory issues but sometimes he is still difficult. Ignore the idiots on this board who say it is poor parenting - there is something going on and your job as a parent is to help him learn to cope with it.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:19 PM FlagWe have heard this term bandied about in reference to our son too, by people at his school, but when we asked our pediatrician about it she just laughed. I think it is the new disorder of the hour but there is not much scientific research behind it. I hope you won't worry too much, I think kids just mature at different rates. Rather than talking to a special Ed teacher, I would take him to your pediatrician if you are worried. After all, they have an MD.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:20 PM Flag-
My point was, she had heard this BS "diagnosis" with increasing frequency and it is not a medical condition and real doctors think it is bunk. She gave us a referral to a wonderful OT provider and we are doing OT on the off chance that it could help, but people need to know this is probably a fad and not worry that there is something seriously wrong with their kid.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:30 PM Flag
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They can overcome this with help. It is a tough road, and the widespread ignorance makes it harder. But it can get easier. Frontload the intervention. Individual OT and a social group with the OT. Consider a camp oriented toward kids with these issued. It's a drag it took this long to figure out what's going on, but with help you'll see progress. When he gets better the bitches will say he just outgrew his behavior problems and you wasted time and money. Or they'll say you finally got tough. Put them on ignore, and if you're fragile, just don't discuss with anyone you don't know in advance is informed. GL.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:25 PM FlagI don't know anything about sensory processing disorder - but my DD can be very frustrating in this way as well. One thing to note, tantrums do last into the 6's. I think that they are learning things like being flexable, rolling with the punches, etc. My approach has been to work on learning to control yourself (DC). We have bought books to read together - Calm Down and Work Through Anger is a good one - it is a kid's book. We have worked on removing yourself from the situation, counting to ten, breathing techniques.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:26 PM Flagthank you everyone so far, i am so appreciative... at my wits end, anything positive is helpful...
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:26 PM FlagHang in. It's expensive but if you can get in to see a good OT, it's worth doing. Your DS will be so much better off having more help now, before all his ideas about being a not good at school, not good with other kids, are even firmer in his mind. Be careful how you talk about him. Don't let frustration define who he is. He is still developing, give him support to build around the difficulties.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:44 PM Flag
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I think it's really unfair of people not to recognize that there is such a disorder. I think that's what I had as a kid but it wasn't diagnosed back then. Daycare was torture for me - I really hated the noise, I just couldn't take it. I was so happy when elementary school started and kids were supposed to sit quietly most of the day. It was a huge relief for me. To this day, I can't take extremely noisy restaurants like Pastis, but mostly, I don't have an issue with it anymore.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:30 PM FlagFriends ds was dx'd with this in preschool. He's now a teen. He hasn't outgrown it per se, but has learned how to deal with it in a more socially acceptable way. He does sometimes wear ear phones to block stimuli, has a 504/IEP in school for test taking, classroom adaptations (he's allowed to walk around). It's not parenting b/c her 2 other kids are "normal". He has food adversions and does not eat well. He also is dx'd with Asperger Syndrome. He has O/T and some counseling and drug therapy. GL!
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:50 PM FlagOur younger ds has this (and FWIW is well-behaved, but nearly starved himself because he was so sensitive to having anything touch his mouth). His neurologist says you don't "fix" it, but rather work on de-sensitizing the child so they can tolerate everyday stimuli better and help them develop socially acceptable coping mechanisms. It is overdiagnosed and abused as a label these days, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 12:58 PM Flagmy friend's son had exactly this. He was exhausting but he really did not want to be bad. You could see that he could not help himself (he could also not go to the movie theater, was picky eater, etc). He is now the loveliest most adventurous 10 year old you will ever meet. He still needs to have special socks without seams and a couple of other sensory accommodations but, other than that, he has completely outgrown this.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:11 PM FlagWho is diagnosing these kids w/ this BS 'disorder' - your DS is a 5YO BOY. Most 2-5YO boys are like this to some extent - it's not a disorder. My DS has a melt down if anything is out of pattern and he's tired. He's not disordered, he's 3.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:13 PM FlagI may have had the same opinion as you had my 3rd DC not been born. From his infancy he was different from my older DCs. Very sensitive to everything. Lights, sounds, smells, etc. at 18 months he was having hour long uncontrollable tantrums. I had NEVER seen anything like this in my older DCs. He would refuse to eat anything but certain foods, he would freak out if his body positioning was slanted while being held. He was so HARD, and we were very devoted to parenting/discipling him correctly. 5 yrs of OT, and he is a new child- not perfect but enjoyable, and most people who have known him through the years have made comments on how much he has changed.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:21 PM FlagI'm not suggesting that it has to do w/ parenting - just that it's COMMON and NORMAL - not a disorder. And it's nothing new. I guess what used to be family experience and sharing has become OT. Some kids have serious issues and need therapy. At least 75% of the kids I know are just normal kids walking around w/ labels. I have a fair amount of experience w/ the 0-6 crew. Nothing OP described is 'disordered'
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 05:26 PM FlagReally? How normal is it for my 3 yr old son to demand an all liquid diet, and to not eat anything for three days in protest of not being provided an Ensure drink. Have you ever seen a 4 yr old tantrum for more than an hour because they were upset by the smell of burnt food or the sound of a hair blow dryer? YOU KNOW NOTHING about this disorder. Crawl back under your bridge, troll.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 09:23 PM Flag
Do you really know about OT and sensory disorders? Some kids really can't tolerate textures, loud noises, foods, etc. They act out because of it, and it has nothing to do with parenting.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:48 PM Flagnp - my DS would chew the heck out of his shirts, run into walls deliberately in unstructured times (like waiting for teacher to open classroom door at preschool drop off), make loud noises, bump other kids, fall down on purpose. 149 on Hunter test. Now after OT it's so much better. OT gym helped wiht body awareness and we were able to segue into regular sports which also help to get out energy, work on balance and strength, and settle. When he's really hyper we wll wrap tight in a blanket or say jump up and down 10 times and those things help. It may not be a true disorder but it caused social problems and no private school would touch him.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 06:20 PM Flag
It is real and you can help your child by getting them OT - they will work on this and then dc will nto be as bothered. Yes, they will learn to deal at some pt. but why not help them. Also, whne upset, tell dc, I understand that this is really upsetting you - how about we try to work it out this way. By validating their feeling, they start to calm down. Why make your childs and your life harder when there are things that can be done to help?
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:15 PM FlagSo many adults are in therapy to deal with anger management, substance abuse, anxiety, etc. yet people think that disorders in kids are just bad parenting? I don't understand - maybe if kids learn to cope with their issues at a young age, they won't need so much help as adults. My younger child is more sensative to sensory changes - more likely to get overwhelmed when it's loud or crowded, has more difficulty handling his emotions, etc. - not to the point that it's really a problem, but definitely in a way that makes him a more challenging child to parent and where my traditional strict discipline isn't always the answer. Sure there are a lot of undisciplined kids out there, but some of them may simply have parents whose "normal" parenting methods don't work and are trying to figure out what to do.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 01:21 PM FlagMy ds has this issue (minor) . Nothing to do with discipline. They need therapy, but district doesn't fund for this. My kids appear to be the worst behaved, it's so overwhelming , exhausting, and depressing at times. Ds is gifted, has your ds been evaluated? ( iq test is given) I believe they will grow out of it. Very high intelligence is a symptom of this, apparently their little brains are on overload. My 3 yo can memorize a book after we read it to him once. People who say undisciplined clearly have no clue, so ignore
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 02:19 PM Flagyes, he's also supposedly gifted, he did the hunter test and got 154, has done really well on other tests... he has an ear for language and is smart, but he doesn't seem so smart compared to other kids i have seen but i think its very hard to tell.... he has good days and bad days, he is also left handed which sometimes supposedly contributes to all this sensory stuff
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 02:26 PM FlagBoth of my boys appear to be left handed. Both speak 2 languages. Both kids have annunciation issues. Sounds like your dc is gifted. Doctor and therapists have said when a child is this bright, they are just wired differently. they try to help through therapy, but when the district sees such high scores, they won't foot the bill for this. maybe dc doesn't seem smart because of behavior? My kids behave like 2 and 3 yo frat boys. People just don't understand! It's tough
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 02:33 PM Flag-
This is what I don't get about this board. People are so quick to brag about their DC's high test scores, etc. Yet no one ever seems to also have "gifted" kids with all the issues that come along with it. Gifted kids present many challenges! And the people who say these diagnoses are bunk have clearly never parented kids with special needs.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:10 PM Flag
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I know this will get flames - but, I find that my son's sensory issues are much worst when I find artificial food colors in his diet. He does not have SPD, but is in OT for other reasons. But I find the tantrums, touchiness, etc. go way up based on his intake of dyes. And unfortunately, not just food (chewable childen's medicine makes him crazy). OT has been wonderful for my son - he has made huge leaps (he just turned 5, started OT in October). Some books I have found are, "The Out of Sync Child," & "Raising Spirited Kids." There are also so many resources on the internet. Often times you just need to find the sensory stimulation and have them control it - hopefully you will learn some good coping skills at OT. Good luck.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 02:59 PM FlagNo flames from me. My son was diagnosed with SPD and has improved greatly with therapy, but we also saw a dramatic change in behavior when we went on an all natural (mostly organic) diet. It is a lot of work not to maintain, but has been so beneficial to him. Would recommend it to anyone w SPD child.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 03:27 PM Flag
SPD is a made up illness. It replaces SID (Sensory Intergration Disorder) which NO one would ever accept - so they changed it and tried again. Take care of your son - don't dx him now. Wait until the end of 3rd grade. If still problems THEN do something. BTDT.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 04:00 PM FlagThis is stupid. People can be vision or hearing impaired, why can't they have other things wrong with their senses? Believe me, if your sense of touch were out of whack, it'd affect how you behaved. I had damage to my olfactory nerve as a complication of anaesthesia during surgery years ago, it took me months to learn to deal with the overwhelming change in sensory input, and that was as an adult.
[ Reply | More ]04.04.12, 06:26 PM Flag
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