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[+] almost 32, one ds 4 yo. need to work on my career to position myself better long ter... 2 replies
Talk : : April 10, 2012
[+] Any advice for constipated toddler? We are already doing Mirilax every single day. Po... 57 replies
- peach on top of a spoonful of ice cream. Good lord woman, use some common sense. I'm going to guess you're a SAHM or have a nanny, because this is a problem a regular person who couldn't be so indulgent would never have....
- OTOH the only people I know with kids who won't take a bottle, won't eat x, etc. are kids with moms who SAHM and have the luxury of working around the kid. Talk to your doctor, but at some point, I'd imagine it will involve...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Any advice for constipated toddler? We are already doing Mirilax every single day. Potty trained for a week which is making it worse but not the cause. I don't know what else to do other than Mirilax. She wont eat fruits and veggies or juice which is not helping but is that the cause?
57 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 04:07 PM Flag ]-
She just wont eat it. Offer it to her and she refuses and eats around it. Should I shove it down her throat?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:15 PM Flagwhat will she eat? And yes, that is the cause. You can work around it, though
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:18 PM Flagop- most meats like chicken, pork, baked beans, rice, pasta, sandwiches with ham or turkey ect.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:19 PM Flagdo you put anything on the pasta? My dds will eat marinara on the pasta and you can blend in fresh veggies before you put it on. I also shred veggies and mix into the rice. There is a whole thread today about moms who disagree with this method, but it works for me.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:22 PM Flag
OR: I have never heard of a child who would not eat one.single.type.of.produce. Puree it. Hide it in a drink. Offer her a piece of fresh peach on top of a spoonful of ice cream. Good lord woman, use some common sense. I'm going to guess you're a SAHM or have a nanny, because this is a problem a regular person who couldn't be so indulgent would never have.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:22 PM FlagI have tried the fruit inside ice cream but did with strawberries. She ate around it. Yes I have failed somewhere down the line. Not sure how to fix it. I gave in to it in past and now she is used to not eating it. She loved fruit until about 18months, stopped and then never went back. Thought it was a phase. I am SAHM. What do you mean indulgent?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:25 PM FlagIn other words...what can I do to not indulge her. Say eat the broccoli or no dinner? Withold the chicken or rice unless she eats broc?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:26 PM FlagOR: I am kinda sorry to sound mean about it, but OTOH the only people I know with kids who won't take a bottle, won't eat x, etc. are kids with moms who SAHM and have the luxury of working around the kid. Talk to your doctor, but at some point, I'd imagine it will involve something along the lines of "this is not a diner, eat your dinner if you want a cookie" to your kid. Good luck. Really.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:28 PM Flag
I'd love to know what would happen if she just stays constipated...
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:30 PM FlagWe had the same problem with now 4 yo ds. Also not a big fruit/veg eater. I saw a pediatric gastroenterologist who I highly recommend - Nancy Pittman. She gave us a program that worked (Miralax was involved). Also she said not to sweat the fruit & veg - they can get fiber from waffles, cereals, other whole grains. A lot of the problem for these kids is psychological. They get backed up and scared of pooping so they hold it and it becomes a vicious cycle.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:37 PM FlagMineral oil...buy it at CVS....my dd used to get very constipated so I put a tablespoon in her milk every night and it really helped. GL
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:42 PM FlagThe oil referenced above is likely a form of Mineral Oil. We used Kondremul (available on drugstore) as it has an acceptable or no flavor when mixed with a drink. Worked fairly well for #1. My #3 also had more severe issues. I have introduced Fiber Gummies, which even I eat daily, into all my dc's diets and it helps a ton. None are big veggie eaters and prune juice never worked for us. All the usual: fluids, high fiber foods, exercise, belly massage are worth trying. There are also OTC kids' versions of MOM and Colace. If all else fails, for emergency, the glycerin suppository truly worked for us.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:43 PM FlagBe honest with her. When it's painful and bleeding let her know that fruits and vegetables are what stops it being so.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 04:50 PM FlagPlease tell me that you don't have children. Surely you can't have raised any humans.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:10 PM Flagnp. why? my 2.5 who has had exactly the same problem for the last 2 months actually got it. I kept telling him that dates help him and he needs to eat them. He wouldn't touch them before but now eats 1 or 2. And repeats my words about how they help his tummy.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:20 PM Flag
Your kid eats like crap. This is why she is unable to crap. This is a form of abuse, neglect at the very least. She's a toddler. She doesn't control what she eats. She's not buying the groceries, nor is she cooking the meals. You are lazy, uninformed, or both. Include vegetables and whole grain fiber rich foods in your everyday cooking: Add spinach to your marinara sauce and use brown rice spaghetti, mash up cauliflower and substitute it for mashed potatoes, purchase whole grain and sprouted breads, make smoothies from fruits & vegetables with Greek yogurt. Most of the time your toddler will not know. Much of the time she will seek her dietary clues from your own eating(you probably have a horrible diet as well). On some things she might need to be offered several times before she likes it. There is simply no reason to treat your child like a garbage disposal which is what your doing if you're not doing everything possible to make sure that she's getting the necessary nutrition. And miralax on a regular basis for a child? RIDICULOUS.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:20 PM FlagJesus, I'm the OR above who took OP to task, and you need to lighten up and not be completely horrible to her. She *is* asking for help, even if I gave it to her pretty straight. I think she realizes she's screwed up. It's not neglect, it's over-catering. Lighten up. Before you know it, with that kind of attitude, your kids will be getting pregnant in the back seat of some car, but OP's won't.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:28 PM Flagnp: Op's won't bec no one wants to get it on with a constipated girl...
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:33 PM FlagNo, OP's kids will be dropping dead from an early cardiac arrest or they simply won't be able to fit in the back seat of any car which I suppose is a kind of birth control. Hey, I signed up for the job. I take the job seriously. I am hard on OP because OP was my mother. A 189 lb weight loss and countless hard work later, I am NOT easy on parents who play with their child's health, self concept/esteem, opportunities, and even social life in such a way. I know what happens to the over catered/over indulged kids. They grow up to be fat unhappy adults and it's a lot harder to change things as an adult than it is for parents to man/woman up and do what's necessary. I see too many fat kids and too many kids who are thin now but eat atrociously and too many parents who say I can't do anything--bullsh*t. Also OP came in here looking for help for her kid's constipation ("because the miralax isn't working") not for solutions for the root cause, diet.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:38 PM Flag^ and too many parents who say I can't do anything--bullsh*t. Also OP came in here looking for help for her kid's constipation ("because the miralax isn't working") not for solutions for the root cause, diet.--signed OR.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:39 PM FlagOK, net police - first, to be clear, you're an NP, and I'm the OR who originally called out OP and is now defending her. Second, there is a difference between pointing something out firmly but constructively, and being an asshole. You are being an asshole and projecting your mommy issues. My mom fed me a steady diet of Entenmann's fudge golden cake and Ruffles. I didn't turn out obese, but mommy sure as hell didn't cater to me in other ways - it was just how she ate, and thus how we ate. You don't call someone looking for help abusive. FFS, lady, she's not coming here saying "my husband can't keep his dick out of our child, what should I do?"
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:48 PM FlagActually, I am the OR. The OR is an original responder. My initial response was to the OP(original poster). I would only be an np(next poster) if I was responding to your post. I was not. You responded to me. You are therefore the np to me. A few people responded to you. I then responded again maintaining my or status. In terms of my tone: OP did not come on here looking for help for her child's diet. Let's get that straight. She just wanted help getting her kid to poop. She feeds her kid junk and then to rectify the child's naturally occurring constipation, feeds the child a laxative...every day. That is abusive. It might not be sexual abuse but abuse is not generally extremes but composed of various shades of gray. There is no doctor that would okay the constant(daily) administering of a laxative to a child under the age of 5. People have "nicely" suggested changing the child's diet and the mother in her responses cops an attitude at the mere suggestion. So you were blessed genetically(growing up on a diet of fudge cake and ruffles). Many people judging by what I see and know are not. Those were also very different times. Surely you cannot be advocating that it's okay for modern parents to follow in your mother's footsteps.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:14 PM Flag-that would okay the constant(daily) administering of a laxative to a child under the age of 5. People have "nicely" suggested changing the child's diet and the mother in her responses cops an attitude at the mere suggestion. So you were blessed genetically(growing up on a diet of fudge cake and ruffles). Many people judging by what I see and know are not. Those were also very different times. Surely you cannot be advocating that it's okay for modern parents to follow in your mother's footsteps.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:15 PM FlagDid some of that 189lbs go to your brain? Seriously? I originally posted "ya think" and had the convo with OP. You're a johnny-come-lately responder. So don't confuse us. You're right about the laxative use, but you're going batshit crazy about OP to the point that it's obvious nothing she said about admitting to being too indulgent sunk in. And if I was cruel in that first sentence - think about how being called an abuser must be to OP. Deal with your own issues about your body before you're ready to call out the SWAT team over a lack of fiber. I don't follow in my mom's footsteps with my own kids. It doesn't mean I'm abusive, or she's deserving of being called abusive. It probably means that she, and OP, are somewhat lazy, probably exhausted, and don't have the need to make this happen, and now are going "oh crap."
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:19 PM FlagYou are so out of UB order and your ego is crowding my computer screen. NO ONE calls OR because they made the first post to the OP. The right to call OR is given to every person responding directly to the OP and the usage of the OR title is generally only hauled out during protracted responses such as this to distinguish the person that responded directly to the OP from those responding to the person who responded directly to the op. You would only be able to call yourself an OR rightfully when someone directly responded to your post. Don't try to project your own guilt for your dumb a$$ non helpful glib comment that was nothing but straight snark that you now feel bad about. Please. If you're going to make a snarky comment, own it. Now grow some.--signed O freaking R
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:20 PM Flag
Make sure you're doing enough miralax. It takes quite a bit.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 05:50 PM FlagLots of water/tea/liquids (milk is constipating, so you may cut back temporarily). See if she will eat fruit crisp. Switch to white whole wheat flour (whole foods carries this) and whole wheat pasta (more protein and fiber than the rice pasta suggested above). See if dips/Parmesan "fairy dust" makes veggies more appealing. Involve her in shopping and cooking to help with the food phobias. Last, we had much better luck with fiber gummies than Miralax. Good luck!
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:30 PM FlagWe have had this issue, as well. Try Benefiber, too (can't remember the amount--I believe a teaspoon in her milk; ask doc). NO cheese. Do the Plum Organic smoothie Prunes drink, or try giving her actual prunes--they are so sweet, my dc loves them. No bananas, no applesauce (essentially the opposite of the BRAT diet--no rice or toast either.) Give her as much water as she'll drink, and cut out the pasta if you can for now--too much can be a bad thing.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:36 PM Flagdon't screw around with prune juice, etc. this is happening because he's having too much milk at the exclusion of other things. it's ok. just get 100% soluble fiber powder at any mass retailer (walmart, walgreens, target, cvs, etc.) it'll be generic. put it into anything -- milk, juice, formula, tea, water. 3 tsp over a day should do it. then if she drinks a lot of milk, give her a tsp every day in her milk. she'll get over it someday when she stops drinks so much milk. it will be ok.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:51 PM FlagHow hold is she? If she doesn't want to poop on the potty and she holds it, it will become hard making it more difficult and more painful to go. Maybe she's just not ready to be trained or after having one or two painful experiences she just wants to hold it in. Can you talk to her about it? My ds has had a few bouts with constipation and talking helps. I explain that drinking lots of water makes his poop feel better and that letting his poop out feels good and is a relief (crazy, I know) but it works. No laxatives necessary.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:55 PM Flag
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[+] I'm a nanny and spend most of my time chasing kids around outside. I prefer wearing f... 11 replies
- Totally worth the investment. I am a SAHM, so do the smae types of activities you do. The Maria Sharapova ones are the best. The even look good after being in the sandbox. I got mine last spring and they still look great....
Talk : : April 10, 2012
I'm a nanny and spend most of my time chasing kids around outside. I prefer wearing flats to tennis shoes, but worry about my feet getting enough support. I've been looking at the Cole Haan's w/Nike Air. Are they worth it? I don't think I've spent more than $30 - $40ish on flats, but I could if they were truly comfortable, supportive and durable. Any opinions on the CH flats, or other recommendations?
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 10:27 AM Flag ]I'd love to hear responses too! I have always just worn Easy Spirit since they are the only work type shoes that don't give me blisters. But lately they don't seem as comfy or well-made and I have been considering CH also.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:33 AM FlagOP: I have never spent much time looking at Cole Haan, and was surprised at the cute options they had for flats!
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:34 AM Flagor: me too! I only looked online, but they looked great. though i am simple and just like black/brown flats or wedge heels for nice/casual work attire. I, too, am willing to spend the money if it is worth it. fwiw, i do think easy spirit is a decent, inexpensive alternative that doesn't hurt, lasts fairly well and has good sales.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:45 AM Flag
[+] Does anyone know of a preschool or alt program (pref UWS) that will take children in ... 2 replies
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Does anyone know of a preschool or alt program (pref UWS) that will take children in September that are less than 2 (my daughter will be 22 mos)? I am a SAHM so I don't need a full day daycare program - just a few hours for her to socialize and learn with others......
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 09:47 AM Flag ]
[+] Anyone here a SAHM who doesn't wear jeans? What else to you wear that is stylish and ... 8 replies
Talk : : April 10, 2012
Anyone here a SAHM who doesn't wear jeans? What else to you wear that is stylish and practical? I am small but I find jeans are absolutely the least flattering thing I wear, I have narrow hips and thick thighs and jeans just draw attention to this area. I wnter I wear leggings and longer sweaters a lot but I only like leggings with boots, I think they look silly with ballet flats etc. what are my other options? It is too cold for skirts and khakis make me feel frumpy. Help.
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 08:47 AM Flag ]-
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I WOH but I do get to wear jeans sometimes! I think you are getting the wrong jeans. I have narrow hips but bigger legs too, it's an unfortunate quirk of bone structure where essentially my legs just aren't hung off my body all that far apart, and I hate how I look in pants but I have had good success with AG brand jeans, especially boot-cut. Go to Barneys or a boutique with knowledgeable salespeople and try on different kinds.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:27 AM Flag
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[+] DH here. This culture amongst women (in NY at least) of being so passive about commun... 119 replies
- Are you also one of those nitwits that claim you HAVE to be a SAHM and your DH HAS to be a hedgie because you are "wired differently"?...
- No, not a nitwit. Yes, SAHM for now. No, DH not a hedge funder and would be happy to have another arrangement. Yes, I am aware of the biological...
Talk : : April 10, 2012
DH here. This culture amongst women (in NY at least) of being so passive about communication during the early days of dating is not the way to go. We aren't living in victorian times with rules about a 'ladies role' . Most men find a confident and strong woman who will call to arrange a second date very appealing. Did the feminist movement bypass NY?
119 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 07:27 AM Flag ]Are you waiting for someone to ask you out? Wrong place to post. I am a feminist and I'm a modern woman but in the beginning of dating my now husband, he asked me out the first few times. This way you know where you stand. Any man will say yes to a date if the woman asks. I wanted to know he wanted to date me. I did modern things like offer to pay for taxi's if he paid for dinner, or offer to buy a round of drinks. But I still think the man should do the asking in the beginning.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:31 AM FlagLet's put it this way when your dd starts dating how would you feel if she did all the asking?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:32 AM Flag-
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New Flash: It was partly about equality. There is no equality if a woman is so passive.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:39 AM Flag-
i think it does. she is waiting to be called. By definition that is passive.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:43 AM Flagnp: no, she doesn't give a shit if you call or not. if you call, she'll take you into consideration. if you don't call, she doesn't craft weird voodoo chant to psych you into calling. you're just not on her radar. your loss and she moves on to the next dude who appreciates her fine qualities. museums and stores don't solicit visitors with mail and calls. they have the goods and that's enough. the only time they try to get you in is when they have crap they can't get rid of. ladies, don't be loser goods that need coupon fliers.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:02 AM Flagso if she is into a guy, she won't care if he calls or not? this is not true.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:26 AM Flagwhy do women get all pumped up on first date? it's like that woman last night who got all psyched up and started emailing/texting/chatting with a guy she met on first date the night before. just don't get all up in a tizzy because some dude is not bad looking, has table manners and knows walt whitman as well as richard feynman. there was a guy i dated and on our first date i thought i might marry him. we had a long term relationship that didn't work out. but i still wouldn't have cared if the hadn't called after the first date (which he did the same night). i would have been surprised but i didn't even know the dude. it's like a kid getting all excited about the release of the next lego star wars video game. it's jut a game. there will be others.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:39 AM Flag
maybe you are a drag and she doesn't want to see you again-or you have a tiny penis-get over yourself.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:58 AM Flag
Not so: Enforced passivity relates to inequality, but having the freedom to engage at will and choosing not to engage means status. I'm not sure what world you're living in, but no woman really has to work to engage a man- men are plentiful and always presenting themselves. Only those that perservere and make an impression will be seriously considered, or even remembered. So don't define feminism as playing a man's game when we don't have to...and call already, before she forgets!
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:57 AM Flag
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Men always claim this, but this plays out very differently. Women base this on experience.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:34 AM Flag-
DH, you're wrong. Sorry, but in NY, if you are assertive in the early stages, men run. You are the exception. I think men say they want this, but really don't.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:38 AM Flaghow can you be with a man who runs if you are assertive. How insecure are they?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:40 AM Flagmen i know like assertive women who are busy, focused and making moves. they actually find a woman more assertive if she is doing her thing and they have to reach out to her hoping she will take a pause to go out with them. They don't want a woman who is waiting by the phone.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:53 AM FlagRight, but women after being assertive building their independent lives in case they don't find a man, then want to marry and settle down and stop having to be so damn assertive all the time. At that point, it is better to be with a man who wants to be with you and will proactively do so, enabling you to freaking relax finally.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:57 AM FlagI agree and I don't think women using that assertiveness in their dating life really works. Just thinking of my female friends. Some of them did ask men out and follow-up etc... And after a time they all stopped because they realized these guys were only going through the motions because they were asking.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:02 AM FlagSo once they became suitably passive did they all instantly land their Prince Charming?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:17 AM FlagNot a fair question because I don't think any of them saw it as becoming passive. They were just sick of dealing with guys who weren't interested in them, but also wouldn't be transparent about not being interested so it was a constant runaround. And yes, they are all married now to men who showed interest. they showed interest back of course, but it was a different dynamic from what they were experiencing before.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:22 AM Flag
I agree. I think it's partly because attraction for a man is binary: he either is into you or not. He can't be "won over" or "worn down." Women can be - our attraction to a man is far more subjective and less physical. Some people would argue that women who are won over "settled" - and no doubt this is true in some cases - but I know plenty of women who were not initially that into their husbands who are now very much in love.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 01:08 PM Flag
yuck, if a man wants me to call him for 2nd date then he's not my type
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:42 AM FlagSingle dad here. Speak for yourself DH. There's a fine line between "strong" and "confident" ... and "psycho". The last two women I dated were so assertive -- even just after the first date -- that it bordered on stalking. I was just waiting to come home to a boiled bunny on the stove. Seriously. There is nothing attractive about this generation of "working women" in NYC; I've found that generally speaking, if a woman isn't married by 30, there's a damn good reason why. It's almost enough to make me go gay.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:46 AM Flaghow do you feel about a man who isnt married by the time he's 37?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:47 AM Flag-
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That is so offensive. I don't mind waiting for a man to ask me out, but I certainly won't put my life on hold until I find someone and I won't settle for someone just so I don't end up single at 30. Maybe it has something to do with the women you're dating, but I'd bet it has more to do with you. If I ever met someone who said that to me in person, it doesn't matter what you have going for you, i wouldn't give you a second glance. I can see why you're single. Jerk.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:08 PM Flag
I'll go further, I know people who have even gotten married and the wife asked the husband out first and guess what- they divorce. He just wasn't that into her.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:48 AM Flag-
It does- but this is an early signifier of him just not being that into you,
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:52 AM Flagso you are saying that you can tell the likelihood of divorce after the reaction two people have after the first date? That is insane.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:55 AM FlagNo, I am saying that if a man isn't that interested in a woman to pursue her, he eventually finds one that DOES interest him that way.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:00 AM Flag-
that's the regular dudes. the dudes who can't figure out what they want or are too shy/diffident to muster up the courage just go with the flow and marry sometimes. it's a loser's move to go with one of those.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:44 AM FlagBut isn't the end game here to get some guy - any guy - to marry you?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:50 AM Flagno, you want to marry some dude who's going to go slay the beast to keep the progeny going -- dudes who have the confidence and risk-taking to ask out a woman who might say no because she's got plenty of other options. you marry any dude, you'll end up doing all the bacon-bringing, frying it up, arranging date nights, trying to keep peace with various in-laws. really, why would anybody do that?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:53 AM Flag
I agree. I initially turned down my ex but then decided I wanted to pursue a relationship after we became friends. I thought it was okay to pursue it because he had initially been interested, but it was probably short term interest, whereas I wanted a relationship. It ended up being a terrible relationship, and I think a large part was due to the fact that he didn't do the asking - I think when a man is ready to date, HE will ask. Otherwise, you're wasting your time.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:00 PM Flag
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DH here. Depends on whether the woman is smoking hot/attractive/confident/sexy/etc or not. If she is, by all means, call/text/email me. If she's not, then she'd better wait until I get in touch.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 07:59 AM FlagNote that the women telling other women to follow these stupid rules are "single moms with TONS of dating experience". In other words, total failures at the thing at which they profess expertise.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:08 AM FlagYou seem to equate asking for a 2nd date with confidence. I believe being certain that he had a good time, wants to see you again and WILL call for more displays more confidence.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:08 AM Flag-
Dh here: in my opinion if 2 people like each other it doesn't matter who asks who out.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:13 AM FlagExactly the point of most of the responses, I think. Someone has to make the first move. We have settled into the man being the pursuer b/c that is where our strengths lie. IN GENERAL, women like attention, compliments, being pursued. Men don't care for it as much. Once the woman agrees to go out, he's good. If fact, it's often very difficult to convince him otherwise. You may argue that, if the roles were reversed, we would evolve those needs and no longer enjoy being pursued, but at present, most people aren't comfortable with a reversal. There would have to be a LOT of miscommunication in the meantime in order to affect that change.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:20 AM Flag
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Yes, the feminist movement bypassed NY (or at least UB). You're just realizing this now?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:13 AM FlagThis makes me think about one of my family members. Many women have pursued him and he would go out with them. He even brought a couple to family gatherings. And I would ask him how things were going and he definitely said he liked them and would see where it goes. He was always very laid back about it, until the one woman who wasn't so sure she wanted something too serious because she was focusing on her career. It was the first time he told me that he found the one and now they are engaged. So he found women who asked him out appealing enough, but when he found the woman he really wanted to be with he made it happen.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:13 AM Flagi think it's fine for a woman to ask a man out. she just shouldn'
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:39 AM Flagoops, got cut off. she just shouldn't ask for the second date or be too available in the early days. men like confident women but i also think they like the chase and feeling like the other person has an active other life. i think coming on strong and then cooling off is a good tactic if you are into tactics. people always want to change whatever they did wrong and "win you back" so to speak.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 08:49 AM Flag
There's a difference between sexy-strong and aggresive-strong. Most "strong" NYC women are the latter. And speaking from experience, most men do NOT like that kind of woman. I think I have a very strong personality, but I know when and where to use it, and how to be equally nurturing and sweet to my DH. I have "strong" friends who are really just aggresive and domineering. I am thinking of one beautiful friend in particular who is still single for that very reason, great looks aside.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:03 AM Flagwhat is her problem that she is beautiful and guys don't bang down her door? is she one of these too nice women who keep chasing guys because she wants to take the pressure off them and they don't like desperate women? wake up and smell the coffee. tons of aggressive-strong women are hitched. they are the asshole moms at school who get on your damn nerves.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:12 AM FlagI think she comes off too strong, aggresive, etc. She attracts a lot of guys initially (she doesn't have to chase them), but then she quickly becomes overbearing. She can be too bossy and stubborn, frankly. She has a problem getting relationships to stick because she wants to be with a man who is equally strong, where she would be more compatible with a weaker man.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:41 AM Flagno, she would NOT be compatible with a weaker man. she is so alpha herself, she can't find an equal alpha. this is not the same problem. she has very high standards, one probably being a partner who earns as much as she does -- a toughie. she has to decide for herself whether a nice man (who asks her out) but doesn't pull in the same money will be good enough or she needs that extra icing of the CEO/HF manager to make it work for her. nothing to do with strong-aggressive not working for men. it works for them. they're not working for her.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:49 AM Flag
In other words, you were willing to pretend to be someone you aren't to get the guy, and your "beautiful friend" wasn't. Question is - what happens when you decide to quit pretending?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:12 AM FlagUh, no. What I mean is that I am a strong woman at work, in my career, voicing opinions about current events, politics, religion, etc. I am ambitious and successful and I like to engage in intellectual debats and witty banter. I am also emotionally strong and stable and don't have a co-dependent personality or rely on others for affirmation. But at home and around my DH and kids, I am extremely nurturing. I (usually) know when I am being too stubborn and when to just give on certain things. My soft, feminine, nurturing side at home is not "pretending" - that is my real personality. But at work, I can be a bulldog.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:35 AM FlagWhy can't you be intellectual and witty and have opinions about current events, politics and religion at home?
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 11:23 AM FlagWhere did you possibly get the impression that I am not? Don't be an idiot. Since you seem to be picking a fight, "at work, in my career, voicing opinions about current events, politics, religion, etc." are three separate clauses separate by commas, and the third clause does not modify the first two.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 12:09 PM Flag
my dh is the first man was I was completely open with. No holding back, no games, no cutsie crap. I told him how I was, what I liked, disliked, etc and we've been together 20 yrs
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 09:24 AM FlagFor women, being the initiator in the early dating stages just doesn't work with most men. They may "like" it because it flatters their ego, but they lose interest. It isn't about equality or lack there of, there are just certain fundamental differences that don't change.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 10:07 AM FlagBecause we've learned it generally doesn't work for women to be assertive. I have seen plenty of my friends be assertive over the years in a dating context - arranging second dates, being proactive - and in virtually every case the guy ended up breaking up with them, cheating on them, not wanting to commit, or not treating them well. And it's not that these girls were stalking these guys at all. Now in our mid 30s most of these gals are married, but to guys who pursued them. Of my circle of 20 or so close female friends who are married, not a single one really initiated much the first few dates with their now husband. Many of these girls are assertive in general, and were the aggressor in previous relationships, but the guy they ended up marrying pursued them.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 01:03 PM Flag
[+] What time do you have to wakeup with dc's in the morning? I wake up at 6:00am every d... 18 replies
- I wake up at 7 but am usually up until 1 or 2, so I am always tired. Sometimes I nap in the middle of the day (SAHM) and those naps are the BEST sleep I get, but my sleep schedule is all screwed up....
Talk : : April 10, 2012
What time do you have to wakeup with dc's in the morning? I wake up at 6:00am every day and even on weekends. I'm so tired. Even when I can sleep, like if dh offers to get up, my body is now trained to wakeup. Any advice from good sleepers?
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 06:41 AM Flag ]Have same problem. Was advised to start going to bed at 10:30 pm instead of usual midnight - 12:30. Makes a huge difference.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:44 AM FlagI wake up at 7 AM with DH (when the alarm goes off) then try to go back to sleep until DC wakes up, which usually happens around 8. On the days I have to work, I reset the alarm for 8 just in case. On the weekend, we both sleep until DC wakes up, usually around 8, 8:30 if we're very lucky. I'm PG with #2 and so I know this will come crashing down on me very soon.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:47 AM Flag
[+] I have a tour at a nursery school today and I was wondering what's appropriate to wea... 4 replies
- If you are a wohm wear what you would normally wear to work. If you are a sahm for now just wear nice slacks and a sweater or blouse. GL....
Talk : : April 10, 2012
I have a tour at a nursery school today and I was wondering what's appropriate to wear? Thanks!
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.10.12, 06:18 AM Flag ]If you are a wohm wear what you would normally wear to work. If you are a sahm for now just wear nice slacks and a sweater or blouse. GL.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:22 AM FlagIt doesn't matter as long as you don't smell. Don't overthink it.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:28 AM FlagIt definitely matters. You don't have to be dressed to the nines but the admissions office is trying to figure out who you are as a family and being neatly groomed goes a long way.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 06:36 AM FlagBullshit. What do you mean by neatly groomed? If you come in in stained sweatpants with cat hair all over it, I'm with you. If you are dressed like a regular person, you're absolutely fine. They don't admit students based on the shoes their parents wear. And if they do, maybe that's not the right school for those who care about the environment where their kids will be spending the next three years of their lives.
[ Reply | More ]04.10.12, 11:05 AM Flag
[+] I'm completely befuddled by nannies people hire! Went to the park today (midtown east... 43 replies
- care workers are "actively engaged" in a way that nannies are not. I'm really not trying to bash day care but this claim that day care is educational while nanny = brain rot is just showing that day care parents are just as likely as SAHM's and parents with nannies to believe that their situation is better than everyone else's....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
I'm completely befuddled by nannies people hire! Went to the park today (midtown east) half the park is filled with carribean nannies screaming as they try to converse with one another while their charges are strapped in the strollers. How do these parents think that people who act this wy are good examples for their children?
43 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 05:46 PM Flag ]Yawn. Please search "nanny" and "strapped in stroller" with the search feature, you can relive this amazingly interesting debate many times over.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:48 PM FlagWho said parents think their nannies are good examples for their children? Parents seem more concerned about the almighty hourly rate, the tampon quotient, and the Fiji water than the all day every day relationship that develops between the nanny and the DCs.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:50 PM Flagthey do it because they don't want to watch their kids or because they can't. nannies don't love a child like the mother does or care for her the same way the mother would. but it probably doesn't matter as long as mom is back in the picture by the time the kids are 8-ish. wealthy families with lifelong nannies, a different story.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:56 PM Flag-
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The wealthy families lifelong nannies thing are probably a better match. I have to agree though, the family I worked for was so strange about little things. I'm sorry they felt that they lacked that much control because I was afraid for my job all the time. Anyway, I don't want to work for a family like that anymore. It's too easy to step on toes, and you're there all the time, sometimes you can feel like the emotional whipping boy only your whip is with snide comments. And the parents that I worked for were a bit out of touch with their children. They would be too indulgent, and then that would backfire later on. I was like "can't you see what you're doing?" But they couldn't. Yeah, when I did that I was young and had more respect for adlts, simply because they were adults. But now I know they are people.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:33 PM Flag
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Op: the way they talk to each other is so crass - loud and such poor language. And the kids in the stroller - cmon people they should be engaging with these children in the park! Some of the strollers had kids not sven facing the nannies and I'm talking about 2 year olds just sitting there with a paci
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:57 PM Flagnp: If they're cursing in front of the kids, IA, not good, but I'm curious as to what the problem is with "loud" as I know plenty of loud moms. I personally don't think kids will be damaged by not being spoken to in the Queen's English every second of the day.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:32 PM Flag
+1000 totally shocked by what I see. Also see them all the time in TJMaxx or other stores while the child (toddler even) is awake in the stroller. Makes me sad.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:00 PM FlagI think human nature has us focus on the out of the ordinary. We had a fantastic nanny who absolutely loved and played with my dc's and still visits them to this day and they think of her as part of the family. Trusted her with dc's more than family members and I consider her a friend.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:22 PM Flag
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Because day care workers are a totally different kind of caregiver than nannies.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:28 PM Flagbecause day care workers can't talk on the phone all day. because kids at daycare aren't strapped in strollers all day. because most daycares don't bring kids on field trips to stroll the aisles at tj max, duane read, cvs, etc.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:33 PM FlagFirst of all, I guarantee you every dc home with their mom has gone on "field trips to CVS". That's called running errands. Second of all, you're fooling yourself if you think that babies in day care don't spend a chunk of the day strapped in bouncy seats or that day care workers are "actively engaged" in a way that nannies are not. I'm really not trying to bash day care but this claim that day care is educational while nanny = brain rot is just showing that day care parents are just as likely as SAHM's and parents with nannies to believe that their situation is better than everyone else's.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:45 PM FlagIt depends on the daycare. Some daycares have great programs are you will see 3 and 4 year olds doing daily worksheets, designed for them. They learn letters earlier, "blends," and have weekly scheduled with a certain level of academic rigor (for their age of course). They also interact with children their same age and develop social skills. Teachers can usually tell the kids who have attended preschool beforehand, and the ones who have not because they are already used to school. I understand the concern with daycare, but great caring teachers can be found in preschools, and I would take those teachers over a TJ Maxx shopping nanny, sure. I'm not sure if the nanny is up to par in the teaching and program level.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:43 PM Flag
Lol! I used to work at a daycare, and I would rather have my child with a nanny that talks on the phone and stroll the aisles of TJmaxx then have them at a daycare center. Trust me when I say this.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:47 PM FlagNP: I have also worked at a daycare, and my experience was 100% different than what yours seemed to be. Everyone I worked with wanted to be there, and all the lead teachers had at least a masters-level education in child development. Overall, they were true professionals and so warm and loving too. I would be thrilled if all kids could grow up in that environment. High-quality daycares are awesome.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:56 PM Flag
I am not Caribbean but in my culture, we are very loud. I don't know what you mean that crass and poor language - Are they swearing? Or are you referring to their command of the English language? Being loud doesn't harm the kids and it is not a sign of aggression, it is just how some cultures are.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:39 PM Flagnp: I'm glad you chimed in with this. I'm not Caribbean but work with several women who are and I sort of wanted to say that - it's a cultural difference, they're not being mean or rude, it's just how they talk and sound to people from different backgrounds. (In the same way that WASP's often think Italian-Americans are "loud", for example.)
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:48 PM Flag
My cousin babysits and is always telling me about how she hates the way that she sees SOME (not all) of the nannies yelling at the kids, but otherwise ignoring them to chat with the other nannies. She feels that if parents could see the "interactions" going on, they'd be horrified and probably start searching for alternate arrangements immediately. That being said, there are some wonderful nannies who watch the young kids in my apt building and many are from the Caribbean too. If I ever had the $$ to hire a nanny I'd probably ask her to stay away from the hangouts where all the nannies congregate - might increase the chances of her actually focusing on the child.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:53 PM Flag
[+] I will be going back to work in a few weeks after having been a SAHM for 2 years. Any...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
[+] Any WOHM with kids in grades K+ who do not have a nanny - what do your kids do for af... 6 replies
- I kept my nanny for this reason. During the school day shs works for two other families who have SAHMs and small kids and just need a few hours to themselves. After school she is with my kids. Works great!...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Any WOHM with kids in grades K+ who do not have a nanny - what do your kids do for afterschool? Do they go to afterschool at their elementary school every day? Who picks them up? I've been looking at the afterschool options on various websites and a lot of the programs end at 4:30, 5 at the latest.
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 10:13 AM Flag ]I have an unemployed DH. But the families I know with 2 working parents with jobs that require work past 5 either use a group of college sitters, but a pain every semester when schedules change and you usually need more than one sitter, or they pay a nanny full time and expect nanny to pick up more household chores or they hire a housekeeper willing to watch kids or they hire an au pair (that option is popular with the burbs crowd).
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:35 AM Flag
[+] What is up with the sudden glut of Suzie homemaker blogs? They're all vaguely Christi... 18 replies
- LOL. NP. I think these crafty mommy blogs have readership of all kinds who enjoy the inspiration even if the readers themselves aren't SAHMs or devoted to daily decoupage. Like I skimmed some of these blogs for birthday party decor ideas....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
What is up with the sudden glut of Suzie homemaker blogs? They're all vaguely Christian, pastel colors, usually feature a very young mom who writes about couponing and organizing and scrapbooking. Can anyone explain this to me? Did these people always exist in middle America, but I only know about them now because of the Internet?
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 10:07 AM Flag ]Yes. They always existed. Nothing interesting imo. I can't believe Pioneer Mom got so popular. What gets me is why are people interested?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:13 AM FlagI think they've always been around. But education is not high on their list of life's priorities so you've probably never met them.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:33 AM FlagRight. "Education" is what would make them somehow "better"; obsessing over eating a piece of avocado and four almonds, obsessing over their ultimately meaningless NYC "wife" jobs while they juggle work, kids, yoga/pilates, mani/pedis, and generally walk around with a stick permanently rammed up their ass.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:37 AM FlagWow, there are uneducated Suzie homemakers amongst the UB crowd. Who knew?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:01 AM FlagWhat's you're point here? That both are sad? Because I agree with that. Not sure how it defends the "I'm so blessed let's decoupage something!" blogs
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:08 AM Flag
[+] I don't know what to do...divorced, 2 DC. Have been dating my BF seriously for 2.5 y... 77 replies
- the corner of church & liberty - couldn't get through to anyone. 2nd plane hit while I was there. I eventually had to quit my job b/c I couldn't stand being separated by now ex DH. Had DC about a year later and was a SAHM for 4 yrs. Marriage was abusive, etc, etc. Divorced in '09....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
I don't know what to do...divorced, 2 DC. Have been dating my BF seriously for 2.5 yrs. I love him - he's a gentleman, sensitive, I know w/o a doubt he loves me and my DC. He's 50 - never been married but a number of long term relationships. His last GF was a disaster and really traumatized him so he didn't date for about 3 yrs before he met me. Anyway, our relationship has lacked all sexual intimacy for months and months. We kiss and hug and regularly tell each other we love each other frequently but overall I'd say we lack affection. I've brought this to his attention many times and I know it's hard for him to hear but he's cognizant of my feelings and the importance I place on intimacy. We live together (no flames, pls) and he literally does nothing around the house, doesn't take the dog out even occasionally w/o me asking, doesn't wake up on holidays to watch kids open presents or find their Easter baskets. He's having a lot of financial issues (we keep everything separate but split all bills and rent)
77 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 08:53 AM Flag ]^^every once and awhile for dinner and he rarely gets me a present on my birthday or Xmas. I'm not a materialistic person and really don't 'need' anything g but it's always nice to give a little so
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:54 AM Flag^^^sorry. Nice to give a little something. Finally, I have a good job but I still live paycheck to paycheck. My parents v. generously help - they pay the balance btwn what we can afford in rent and the actual rent total, they put down thousands as a security deposit for the rental, they pay a couple utility bills, etc. My BF doesn't like my parents - they weren't extraordinarily keen about me living with him, etc and they worry as he has a good job but isn't solvent due to various bad real estate investments. Plus my parents just have some weird thoughts/beliefs that he doesn't agree with. Im torn btwn love and reality. It sucks.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:00 AM Flag
Sounds about right. This is what I would expect from someone who is 50, has never been married and is dating someone who is divorced with 2 kids. What's your question? Will you find someone better? No. Maybe different but not better.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:58 AM FlagYou give way too much credit to his last girlfriend. He is selfish. Yes, I remember all of your other posts.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:02 AM FlagYou're better off with a female roommate. The sex, affection and physical aspect is the distinguising feature between a significant other and all other relationships. If you were both fine without it, fine. But since you're not, I'd consider other options. He'll probably still be around if you want to come back.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:04 AM FlagI don't need a roommate - just don't know what the smart thing to do is b/c I when I love I love. I'm 38 so it sounds like maybe everything besides the intimacy and financial stuff could be due to his age/marital status. The intimacy thing makes me crazy as ex withheld it from me (he was abusive - everything but physically abusive) and I crave the connection.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:08 AM FlagJust read the rest of your post about how he doesn't help with anything, has financial troubles, etc. This guy is better than the abusive ex but you really need to keep setting the bar higher. He sounds like an old dog laying around that needs to eat but doesn't contribute. Warm body.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:14 AM Flagwe all have different needs, and it is good that you know and acknowledge yours. reading your posts, I would so rather not be in a relationship than be in the one you are in. i'm divorced, but for the sake of my kid would not enter into a relationship that put me in a worse financial situation. and if you need intimacy and he isn't offering it, what exactly is appealing about this relationship?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:17 AM Flag
Your 50 year-old bf is allowing your parents to contribute to his bills? Do you have any self-respect? Is he committed to your children? His ex has nothing to do with how poorly he treats you, and you put up with this.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:05 AM FlagI have self respect. The bill thing is most certainly one of the reasons my parents don't like him. It bothers me, too. I don't know what to do.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:11 AM FlagGeez. Seriously? Stop taking money from your parents. I've been sending money TO my widowed mother since I was 35. People who take money from their parents after the age of 25 disgust me. You should be ashamed of yourself. Move into a cheaper place. Spend less money. Be responsible.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:15 AM Flag
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If this is enough for you, then fine, but the guy is either gay or has a mother issue
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:16 AM FlagHe was adopted - lived until an orphanage until one so Mother issue is realistic.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:22 AM Flag-
Do you really think he would still have issues that cause certain behaviors at age 50? Do you think the things I've outlined sound like he's treating me like a 'Mother''? Although come to think of it, when we did have sex, he always asked if I'd role play as Mommy.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:41 AM Flag
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My two cents, with your history of relationships, you really need intensive counseling so you can get on with your life. You are still young and I am sure could find someone better. I am a strong believer in a positive attitude to attract the right people, that and common sense.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:11 AM FlagI know. I was actually in intensive counseling for yrs....individual and marital including domestic violence counseling. I was a hot mess as I was going through divorce and after. Picked/attracted/dated a few v. wrong guys but things started to click for me as time progressed. My BF fell into my lap via a mutual friend. I've outlined a lot of negatives but I felt like I finally found someone good and kind. Like I said, I love him but (not to beat a dead horse) there are nagging reservations that are boiling over. Idiosynchrocies that only become apparent once you live with someone and experience life's obstacles. The only difference - we're not married.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:26 AM Flag
Gay Uncle here. Sorry, babe, but your BF is a Friend of Dorothy. Not that you couldn't be perfectly happy with a gay man as a life partner, but even Liza tried it and it didn't end well.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:34 AM FlagWhy do you say this? Just wondering b/c obviously I'm clueless.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:40 AM FlagGay Uncle here. MEN NEED SEX. Yes, even the ugly ones and the old ones. And when a man needs sex, he seeks it out. If he's not getting it from you, he's getting it elsewhere. And given that you're not married, if it was with another woman, he would have left you for that other woman a long time ago; men are very simple this way. He's obviously gay and still in the closet; the only sex he might be getting could very well just be with his right hand. But the fact of the matter is, a man who doesn't fuck his wife/girlfriend generally is a man who doesn't want sex with women, period.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:48 AM FlagHmmm. To be a devil's advocate, how to explain my ex who withheld sex from me during our marriage out of cruelty. I know he did not cheat. I guess he used his hand. Question though - if a man consistently prefers anal, is that a fetish or a sign of something else?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:56 AM FlagMay be he's asexual or takes meds that gives him low libido
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:10 AM Flag-
depressives have low sex drives and their are PLENTY of male depressives in NYC. combined with the fact that he seems to sleep a lot this could be it. i still think she should move on though. i am however intrigued about her parent's wierd beliefs.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:46 AM Flag
Just curious, did you have a really difficult childhood that you are having such relationship issues now?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:18 AM FlagInteresting question. I have v. few memories of my childhood esp my mother. My Dad finally told me about 3 yrs ago that she was bi-polar/manic and had electric shock therapy as last resort when I was young as she couldn't function. My Dad quit his job on Wall St and started his own firm out of the house so he could look after my Mom and us (I'm 1 of 3). We were wealthy so I didn't want for anything material. However I remember having severe separation anxiety when I was 4/5/6 yrs and I had zero self confidence. I finally blosso
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:22 PM Flag-
^^blossomed in college but I was attracted to men like my father - strong personalities who were in charge.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:24 PM Flagalso, my anxiety re-surfaced on 9/11. I was on the corner of church & liberty - couldn't get through to anyone. 2nd plane hit while I was there. I eventually had to quit my job b/c I couldn't stand being separated by now ex DH. Had DC about a year later and was a SAHM for 4 yrs. Marriage was abusive, etc, etc. Divorced in '09.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:29 PM Flag
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[+] Most impressive mom you know, and why? 12 replies
- I really admire her as well. And I know people who know her (I don't) and they always say how amazing she is. I think it's impressive that she is a working Mom and still juggles four kids. (I'm a sahm and always think it's impressive when people can manage to do it all. I felt like I couldn't.)...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
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I really admire her as well. And I know people who know her (I don't) and they always say how amazing she is. I think it's impressive that she is a working Mom and still juggles four kids. (I'm a sahm and always think it's impressive when people can manage to do it all. I felt like I couldn't.)
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 09:07 AM Flag
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One of my coworkers. Her kids (late teens, early 20s) are amazing, kind and wonderful kids. They are both successful (one is in Med School and the other is in Finance), love her to death and and call her frequently. She is very successful at work but manages to keep balance. She is also very grounded and led an interesting life. She was born in Pakistan and moved on her own to Canada to study Electrical Engineering because females in Pakistan were not allowed to study EE at the time.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:40 AM FlagI guess I don't think any one person has the "total package", whether with respect to motherhood, work or whatever. I think some Moms may be great nurturers but disorganized, some have everything in place but no emotional intelligence, some are great work role models but have little time, and so on. I see aspects of every Mom that I admire but don't think I've ever met a person who is across the board perfect in every way.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:43 AM Flag(1) the mom who stays at home with her kids, enjoys it, spends quality time with them, does things with them that promote learning, etc., is patient, AND can still socialize with friends without needing to talk about crayons and poop. (2) the WOHMs who are successful in their own rights but still have very strong relationships with their kids and spend a good amount of quality time with them because they don't do much else.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:43 AM Flag
[+] I used to go to a church (kind of non-denominational) with a female minister who had ... 25 replies
- np: get your head out of women's studies 101. women and men are wired different. you are definitely lucky if your husband is with the program. signed, sahm with sahd who doesn't do nearly 50% of anything but is still a great husband....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
I used to go to a church (kind of non-denominational) with a female minister who had such positive energy about female roles. I am still kind of shocked at how much I had grown to denigrate and not value much of what women do in families.
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 07:24 AM Flag ]-
OK if you are looking to pick a fight, then just ignore and move on. But it includes: support a family, earn a living, make the holidays happen, prepare meals, provide a place where people are happy to gather - with love
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:31 AM FlagNP: Both DH & I do these things. Does that make him a woman? I'm actually not that great at 1/2 the list and end up outsourcing much of it. Does that make me a man?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:33 AM FlagSo do you want to fight? Just curious. I know that for so long i was totally tied up in career and actually did not know how to do some of these 'female role' things and when I did them I did them badly. I do think we (my family) have missed out as a result.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:35 AM FlagNo - I don't want to fight - you just sound completely ridiculous. My family doesn't miss out on a damn thing and my boys will hopefully never think such nonsense about gender roles. We all do the laundry, but I'll certainly be the one teaching them how to change a tire - DH isn't what you would call mechanically inclined.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:41 AM Flag
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Your husband and father did all (or 50%) of the childcare, cooking and cleaning? You lucky duck!
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:46 AM Flag
Ha ha most of those angry posts come from one person. Oh well. She may change over the course of your life, or may not. Sorry if the way I worded my post triggered something for you. Anyway. I have come to realize there are some things I do in the family, that may fall into that category of role of the female, and as well I do others that are not. Like I maintain the cars. OK, dumbass? Don't make assumptions based on two sentences.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 10:39 AM Flag-
[+] OMG, just read a post where a mother described the process of researching schools (el... 16 replies
- I'm a SAHM, have worked outside of the house FT and have been through the school process for 2 dcs. When you're applying...
- The typical UB SAHM isn't a multitasker. Have you not noticed this?...
- OP: I am specifically specifically about a poster who was advising another SAHM about the school process. She told her to hire a consultant because the process is so...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
OMG, just read a post where a mother described the process of researching schools (elementary) as a FT job. Oy. Some of you really don't understand what it means to actually work? signed, SAHM.
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 06:53 AM Flag ]I'm a SAHM, have worked outside of the house FT and have been through the school process for 2 dcs. When you're applying to many schools (we applied to 8 many yrs ago), it takes up most of your days for all of the fall and beginning of winter. I had 3 visits per school (tour, dc visit and our interview). On maybe 2 occasions I was lucky to get my tour and interview on the same day but that didn't work out for most schools. Have you been through the process? I'm going to go through the process next yr for 2 kids at once..one for HS and one for K (diff. sex this time). I am not looking forward to that but will be very organized
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:03 AM FlagAssume the poster was being a little facetious and meant that she doesn't feel that she could have done it well and taken care of DCs on top if she was also working at a job. Of course, the insecure people will assume she means that THEY did a crappy job of either childcare or school app process if they also WOH. SAH simply can't win. They are accused of being lazy if they like being at home w DC and unfit to SAH if they complain about how hard it can be.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:09 AM FlagEh, I've heard people with FT jobs say this. It's an exaggeration, of course.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:50 AM FlagOP: I am specifically specifically about a poster who was advising another SAHM about the school process. She told her to hire a consultant because the process is so arduous and time consuming. I'm at a loss. I've been through the process three times and I'm about to go through it again. It makes the fall a bit more busy, but it's no where near a full time job.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:53 AM FlagMe, too. I've heard people with demanding (mom who is MD at bulge bracket ibank, for example) say this. They are exaggerating, but I think the point is that running around to these appointments (if you apply to 10 schools, at 3 visits each, that is 36 mornings out of the office in a 3 month period, so you are potentially out about 50% of the mornings) plus getting and completing application and essay, researching school, getting rec letters/school report etc is a lot of physical time and mental energy.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 07:57 AM FlagThis is why 10 schools is too many. A reach, a safety, and two or three in the middle.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:28 AM Flag10 is not too many if you really want private. Lots of people get SO - even the connected ones. There is a lot of competition. You do what you have to do if you work FT and have to go through the process with this many schools in the mix. You need to be super organized and you need to realize that you can't do everything. Personal stuff takes a back seat until the process is over. Leaving work in the middle of the day means that the work needs to get done at some point- typically in the late evenings. I don't know of anyone who will admit to using a consultant. I suppose people do though....
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 08:40 AM Flag
[+] Any SAHM's build successful writing careers? I have always harbored a dream of writin... 8 replies
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Any SAHM's build successful writing careers? I have always harbored a dream of writing fiction and just found out my first short story is going to be published! I am feeling like this could be a good "me" thing, though I do not have much uninterrupted time to work. Any tips?
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 06:23 AM Flag ]
[+] 6mo DB sleeps 9pm to 8:30 or 9am. I love this schedule for now (get lots done in the ... 10 replies
- Only downside would be if you needed to go back to work and drop at daycare. If you're a sahm, then awesome....
Talk : : April 09, 2012
6mo DB sleeps 9pm to 8:30 or 9am. I love this schedule for now (get lots done in the weekday AM before she wakes up and we can sleep in on weekends). Any downside to having such a late to bed/late to rise baby?
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 06:13 AM Flag ]Is this a fake to make us all envious? It's working! If it's not broken don't fix it.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:16 AM FlagDon't worry about it - it will more than likely change. This was my #2, then she want to 7:30ish to 5:30-6, which was much worse. Since @12 mos she has been pretty consistently 7(now 7:15 to 7/7:30. I put waaay to much pressure on myself (and her) to try to get her on a normal schedule bc #1 had been a great 7-7/8 sleeper.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:25 AM FlagThis is a great schedule if you SAH. Enjoy it while it lasts! Sleep habits change over time, you never know when she wii start waking up at 6am. Who cares about baby classes? If they are for you to meet new moms, do them, but the weather is getting nice, all you really need is a playground and park.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:57 AM FlagI would try to change it an earlier bedtime. For this age, babies should go to bed between 6pm-8pm. As he gets older and the naps drop, 9pm will be a late bedtime. You might as well get him used to a schedule that he will stick to for a while as opposed to changing it later when it will be much harder to fix especially after 1yo.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:16 PM FlagMy DC has been going to bed at 7:30 since he was 5mo (now 2yo). I am able to have alone time with DH every night. If people come over for dinner, I can enjoy myself while DC is sleeping. Also, very easy to get a babysitter since there is nothing to do after 7:30. Seriously, the best thing I ever did.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:25 PM Flag
[+] Should I be worried that my husband is suddenly freaking out about the condition of h... 40 replies
- I figure she's a sahm...
Talk : : April 09, 2012
Should I be worried that my husband is suddenly freaking out about the condition of his undershirts and underwear? He lost it on me the other day and demanded I buy him new stuff. I think it's strange. The white undershirts have a some random stains, but nothing major and nothing gross. The underwear, he claims is stretched out. I asked him who is going to see it and he got so pissed. Cheating?
40 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.09.12, 05:53 AM Flag ]Probably not. I think he would buy it himself if he were cheating. Has he lost weight and just needs new things? Join a new gym where his underwear has been seen? Look for other signs - does he mention a co-worker or any other women's name often, wants to be all of a sudden fit, vague about plans, etc... there are signs if it's that. For right now don't worry.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:58 AM Flagtell him to go buy his own fucking underwear? wtf, is he 3 yrs old?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:58 AM FlagI suspected my ex was cheating because he had brand new underwear and socks. Normally he wore his holly streached out underwear around me. Well, he was cheating.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 05:59 AM FlagIt would be pretty shitty for him to demand you buy him new underwear to impress his girlfriend. I think that if he were cheating, it's more likely that he would buy them himself.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:42 AM Flagfirst of all, if he has any stains on them, they are from his own body or his own behavior. second, he can buy his own.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:47 PM FlagDH here: if you work in and office and wear button-downs and slacks, you will ultimately freak out about shirts/boxers. stretched out t-shirts are the anti-christ (pulling and tugging at sleeves and collar; EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE). boxers: try sitting on your nuts all day in boxers that don't fit right. or ones that have a flap that opens in front so the head of your dick rubs your zipper. it's like having sex with a cheese grater. i freak out about this to my wife too, it makes me miserable. but it's not her job to get me new stuff. he sounds like a whiny punk bitch. maybe his mommy should buy him new underroos.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 12:56 PM FlagAnother DH here. Never had the dickhead/zipper problem because I wear bikini briefs that don't have an opening. But when I get a woody it does pop out down my leg hole, so I guess it's a similar problem. Here's a problem I've not seen other guys have -- lots of precum leaking right through to my suit pants, leaving an embarrassing dark wet spot. Sometimes I have to stick a hanky or kleenex in there to keep things dry. Anyone else have this problem?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:19 PM Flag-
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Really? So you get several erections during the course of the business day?
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:37 PM FlagYep. At least once a day I have to "take care of business", otherwise I'd be too damn distracted.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 01:49 PM FlagAnother DH and I'm the same way. I often wonder if we're in the majority or not.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:02 PM FlagI think we are. I see a lot of spent spunk on the floor and seats in the men's room at work. I need to jerk it usually mid-afternoon if I expect to get any work done.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:06 PM FlagI'm the "leaker" DH. I can't speak for other guys, but I'm pretty horny in general. But the workplace can be a particularly sexualized setting, without people realizing it. Guys in particular get off on power, and there's certainly no lack of that power play stuff at work. I'm also bi, so I'm easily attracted to both women and men. (OK, I'm a closet case -- who am I kidding.)
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 02:28 PM Flag
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[+] Spinoff from the two poster who are alluding to abuse. This is a message to moms: ple... 22 replies
- warm. When our baby was born and he was about 10 months old we asked them to watch him one afternoon. When we returned and were changing his diaper, for the first time, he covered his private parts with his hand when being changed. I was a SAHM and he had never done that before. We had such an uneasy feeling that we cut off complete contact and it was very hurtful to the couple. But I still think we did the right thing....
Talk : : April 08, 2012
Spinoff from the two poster who are alluding to abuse. This is a message to moms: please be ever so careful with your children. do not just trust people because you want time off from your children.Try not to judge the over protective helicopter moms. They may have good reason to be this way. I was abused growing up and I don't need to speak about details but I do want to say that the abuser was a person of authority (not clergy), was very respected, intelligent, charming, and people trusted him. These people who prey on children are very good at it. I'm not trying to send fear waves I'm just saying take the time to really know who your children are around, be it school, church, sports, childcare.
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.08.12, 06:12 PM Flag ]Thank for the reminder. I attended a child sexual abuse seminar this winter for my job and it was pretty scary, but I also learned so much. The most important thing was to be aware of signs, be involved and if you suspect something is happening with dcs to trust your gut, you can stop things before they go further.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:16 PM FlagI will never forget this strange couple who always sought time with little kids at a church I attended. When I was pregnant they bought me maternity clothes that were very expensive. It was on over-the-top gift that was odd. But they were respected and warm. When our baby was born and he was about 10 months old we asked them to watch him one afternoon. When we returned and were changing his diaper, for the first time, he covered his private parts with his hand when being changed. I was a SAHM and he had never done that before. We had such an uneasy feeling that we cut off complete contact and it was very hurtful to the couple. But I still think we did the right thing.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:20 PM Flagop here: Wow. Was this at a school? I'm happy to hear this is being talked about and the signs are there. However, most kids never tell. I never, ever told and my siblings never, ever told. I'm not sure why we didn't but we didn't.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:20 PM FlagMy response was to the person who went to the seminar. Good for you with the gut instinct about the baby. That sounds awfully young and odd that it would be a couple but who knows. You sound like aware parents.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:22 PM FlagI work with Social Workers. The seminar didn't say that kids always say something, but the might shy away from a person, say they don't want a certain sitter anymore...there was more to it. Also profiled some types of pedophiles, apparently some will "groom" a child for years building a relationship with the family to build trust before acting. CREEPERS UGH.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:28 PM FlagI posted above about the couple from the church - I felt like they were trying to "groom" us like this. Gain our trust. Bought us presents. Kept saying "go get a mani/ pedi and we'll watch db. " I felt like they kept offering free babysitting and it was weird. So unsettling. Yet they were so warm and friendly and participated in so many respected activities. My gut said NO. So I listened...and I don't regret it despte the hurt it seemed to cause them.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:32 PM Flag
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They are everywhere that children are. Again, not to send fear waves. There are also numerous caring, wonderful people who love children. It's a very hard balancing act being a parent. We need to teach our kids to trust the world but have a healthy skepticism. I think just always being around them, knowing who they are with and being a constant force goes along way.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:24 PM Flag
[+] A friend directed me to this board. New to NYC . The move here in late March was unex... 29 replies
- Are you going to be a SAHM , a WOHM , WAHM --will you have a nanny ? These matter. Use the consultant and use any corporate pressure your husband can muster to get your daughter in the best possible school. A lot will depend on how she is evaluated ....
Talk : : April 08, 2012
A friend directed me to this board. New to NYC . The move here in late March was unexpected due to my husband's job transfer which was out of nowhere and with no option to refuse. We are ok financially and the company paid for the move and expedited the condo purchase. I need help with navigating the school system. Two children : son , age 5 and daughter age 9 ( she will stay and finish this term in Chicago).
29 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.08.12, 06:04 PM Flag ]-
Probably private if the public options are not good. That is my problem : I know nothing about NYC . We live in Battery Park City. I am totally a midwesterner.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:08 PM FlagUnfortunately you bought a condo in a neighborhood that is sort of far away from a lot of schools. This will prove challenging. Do you know what your zoned school is? This will be like a full-time job for you until you get this figured out. Start a binder. Begin researching. Talk to everyone. Start signing up for everything possible to see what you like. You might need to move into a good zoned district for public as a fall-back.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:13 PM FlagThank you. I will do all of what you suggested. It seems that there is supposedly a good public school in Tribeca . We did not research the neighborhood that well -- when I said that the condo purchase was "expedited" --that had some implications .
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:18 PM FlagI replied below. If you want public, you are in a very good situation. 276 or 89 are both good (you will be zoned for one or the other). 234 in Tribeca is good as well. All are overcrowded and have waitlists for K so you need to call. It is only if you need/want to go private that you are in a "bad" neightborhood
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:20 PM FlagYes. Sometimes large companies will move families into purchases that they want to offload. It's not a disaster. You can be very happy there. Just be VERY careful about the public school options. I taught in a supposedly respected public school on the uppper east side and I was appalled at what went on there. My two dd's attend a private school that is all-girls but they have a 90% scholarship there. We are very very lucky. Research all the gifted and talented programs. Hunter, Stuyvesant (for high school), Anderson School, etc. There are a few new private schools downtown that are near you. I think one begins with a C but I can't remember. Also look into good Brooklyn private schools like St Anns, Poly Prep. That's not too far.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:24 PM Flag
Why not investigate the public options first? You'd save yourself a ton of money and hassle, and contrary to what some here may lead you to believe, there are some fabulous public schools around. I don't know the schools down there, but thought they were considered very good.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:14 PM FlagSince at this point in the admissions cycle, you might not get a spot at a pvt school you really like. Why not use your local public school for this this Sept. You can apply to pvt if you don't like it on the regular admissions schedule for '13. I think all the public schools in BPC/Tribeca are good. If you go pvt, you might want to look downtown and the Village - St. Lukes, Grace, VCS, Little Red, Brit. Intl...and, if you have a car, Bklyn. You could bus uptown but that could be a bit of a haul. Try public first and see where that goes.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:55 PM Flag
Figure out which zone - PS276 or 89 you are in and call tomorrow. Both are good schools. Private options downtown are limited - plenty of people do commute uptown - but you are way late to apply. If you really do want private, there are many and you would likely be able to get on waitlists if your DCs are good candidates. Second the educational consultant suggestion - if company paid for everything else, this should be something they will cover. Otherwise, cost is @$3,000.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:18 PM FlagThank you ! Thank you all. Yes , my husband's firm will pay for whatever we need -- I never heard of this type of consultant.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:22 PM FlagPlease don't fall for this. This is obviously spam. No one uses these consultants in the city! They are a huge way of scamming naive people out of money. Please, please do not call one of these consulting firms. Just contact the Parents League and read a book on NY private schools. Start limiting your choices and then speak to other parents - take what you hear on online message boards with a grain of salt! and then tour the schools.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 06:55 AM FlagOP, I'm not sure if you are still reading this but I just looked back in and saw the "scam" post. If you have been here for years and are applying on-time, yes, no need to use. We moved from overseas and applies well after deadline just like you would be doing. They were tremendously helpful in cutting through the morass. FWIW, they were also the vendor contracted by my DHs employer (bank) for relocations and so we were far from the only people to use them. I listed a particular one but do a search and you will find references to others.
[ Reply | More ]04.09.12, 11:13 AM Flag
If you can afford it you might wish to hire an Educational Consultant to guide you. It is tricky.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:10 PM FlagCall The Parents League (organization on East 82nd St) and explain your situation. They can help you make expedited plans, ie - you need to get your kids tested by ERB, get school list, get applications etc. There's often attrition in summer when big payments are due and schools often opt to offer them to transplants.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:17 PM Flag
You might want to look at www.insideschools.org This site is for public schools, I think there are some good ones downtown. You can search there for schools near you, there will be a phone # listed for a "parent coordinator" that could answer some questions. If you explain your situation maybe they would allow you to tour the schools.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:12 PM FlagStart taking your son the the local playgrounds when you are here and asking other moms what they do(in addition to some of the above suggestions)
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:18 PM FlagHa, this reminds me of that Neil Patrick Harris movie with Tracy Ulman and they go around on zany hijinx trying to impress the administration of a fancy school to let their daughter in. Hilarious.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:29 PM FlagPublic Schools are off this coming week so don't get annoyed if you don't hear back from Parent Coordinators. Same for UB, some of the public school families might be away. You might want to post again after April 16th.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 06:32 PM FlagLove Battery Park City! Very happy with schools so far. Join HRPMamas. Great networking site for downtown mothers. BPC is a good neighborhood to come to when you are not used to NYC, because the parks are nice, and it feels like a neighborhood.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:16 PM Flaggreat --thank you --- i do love the parks and the river --in Chicago we overlooked Lake Michigan --- stressful on such short notice but choice of having husband go to NYC and get back to Chicago only on two weekends a month was not what we wanted --this project is behind schedule and has encountered serious structural/environmental problems which are my husband's area of proven expertise -- it will be fine for our son , more of an adjustment for our daughter --she is in Catholic School now but that is not a necessity to continue but will look into CSH on UES ---
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:26 PM FlagThere is a Catholic School in the Village too. St. Joseph's. Don't know anything about it though. Would try to get your son in public though. The vast majority of kids in neighborhood (even the very wealthy ones) go to public,so they all play together in the neighborhood. The older kids scatter more, so casting a wider net for her makes sense.
[ Reply | More ]04.08.12, 07:36 PM Flag
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[+] American women are masculine, lazy and UGLY. 19 replies
- They probably mean "less submissive", which is why misogynists like to marry mail order brides from Eastern Europe and Asia who are content to SAHM and get an allowance while their dh cheats....
Talk : : April 07, 2012
[+] I'm applying for a job as an assistant to a director (fundraising) of a nonprofit. Ho... 13 replies
- i would not mention SAHM, just put the freelancing on my resume for that period of time....
- don't address it. It's unnecessary. Doesn't sound like you were SAHM, anyway....
Talk : : April 06, 2012
I'm applying for a job as an assistant to a director (fundraising) of a nonprofit. How do I address the fact that I've been a SAHM for the past 5 years? Do I mention this in my cover letter? I've been doing freelance work in a nonrelated field....ugh, I hate this....................
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 08:05 AM Flag ]How consistent was your freelance work? How long have you been freelancing? If with the freelance work you don't have much of a gap, I wouldn't mention sah in the cover letter.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:10 AM Flag-
no reason to mention you sah, because honestly it sounds like you were wah anyway. highlight your accomplishments during your freelance period. In an interview unless the interviewer presses about why you were not working full time, don't mention it. If they do press, you could just say the freelancing was good for you during this time period. They don't need to know about your dc or anything.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:20 AM Flag-
I was working full time when I was free lancing. I've been working 60-80hrs a week.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:22 AM Flag-
Np: seriously. You have your own business op! And even if the field is different, the work is not unrelated. You've got skills. You need to talk to someone savvy who can help you see what's already there. Do you have any friends or family who are good at the job hunt stuff? Being pessimistic has probably helped you but you need to change how you think of yourself. Or at least fake it until you change.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:35 AM Flag
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[+] Sigh...just got back from a girls trip in the Caribbean. 8 of us lovely ladies- mid 3... 19 replies
Talk : : April 06, 2012
Sigh...just got back from a girls trip in the Caribbean. 8 of us lovely ladies- mid 30's, went to college together...it was completely wonderful to just let our hair down for 6 days without DHs and DBs, and no black berries. Everyone still looks great, but at different points of our lives- newly wed, divorced, 3 kids, no kids, SAHM, WOHM, etc. However, we still have the same bond and love for each other that we had back in the day. So it is still possible to have that female bonding experience that UB would say doesn't exist anymore...
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 06:01 AM Flag ]happy you had a great time! BUT one question...ppl still use black berries? :)
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:06 AM Flagmy dh would never go for this. who watched the kids while you were away? glad you had a great time.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:09 AM Flagnp: why wouldn't your dh go for this? Hasn't he gone away ever with his friends or on business? Happy Wife, happy home!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:10 AM FlagSeriously, you DH can't watch his own kids for a week? Wow. Either he's incompetent or you're controlling and underestimate him. I can't believe a father wouldn't be able to watch his own children by himself for a few days. Wow.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:46 AM FlagIf they still have babies (under 3 years old), it would be tough for most dads to handle for more than a day, i think. I'm a single mom, and even i remember how tough it was to take care of DB alone without any help when he was newborn to 3 years old.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:53 AM FlagI just went away on a trip from Tuesday through Saturday night. DH didn't bat an eyelash at taking care of the kids (kids are 18mos and 3). I agree it's a big job but DH would never in a million years consider it not a part of parenting and being in a partnership.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:57 AM Flag
OR: dh works 6 days/week (leaves the house at 5 am). Home at 6:30ish. He is a great dad though. We have a part-time nanny only for the days that I work. Nice attitude you've got.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:56 AM FlagYou said you DH would "never go for this". I thik you're the one with the attitude problem. You DH should support what you need and help you figure out how to achieve it. If that means getting extra help with the kids os be it but you just accepting that "he would never go for it" Strikes me at pathetic.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:55 AM Flag
OP here: now i'm really sighing now...post has decomposed into UB snarkiness ... i def did not miss this!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 08:12 AM Flag
[+] Anyone still on? Trying to decide if I should take a job offer. It pays $50K. Our FT ... 10 replies
- i'm on. i guess it depends on whether something better might come along. do you need a job, any job, to start your career after a long sahm hiatus? is this your first offer after a year of looking. sorry it's a tough decision....
Talk : : April 05, 2012
Anyone still on? Trying to decide if I should take a job offer. It pays $50K. Our FT childcare costs would be $2000 a month. I would only be bringing in $1200 a month, minus any costs associated with working.
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 09:44 PM Flag ]i'm on. i guess it depends on whether something better might come along. do you need a job, any job, to start your career after a long sahm hiatus? is this your first offer after a year of looking. sorry it's a tough decision.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:48 PM FlagIt's my first job offer and it's not in my field. It would be taking a step back, but pickings are slim right now. I don't need the job, but any extra money would be appreciated.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:54 PM Flagok. central time here and i HAVE to go to sleep -- what is wrong with me? if it's a first job offer after more than 9 months of looking and you're looking for a career switch, i think i would. if it's a job not in your field because that was the best you could do or it's your first offer in 4-5 months, maybe think about it some more. i do agree that it's very slim picking right now.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 09:58 PM FlagI just started looking two weeks ago. I interviewed last week and was made an offer on Wednesday. I have until Monday to get back to them. I am not looking to be in this field, my ideal is to go back to grad school since I had to put it off after DC was born. I was planning to do that once he starts K, which is next year.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:41 AM Flag
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Do you need the money or is the job for fun? Either way, I guess you should take it
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:26 AM Flag
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Inside UrbanBaby
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