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[+] A CIO question for the Friday night crowd! For those of you who are anti-CIO, do you... 7 replies
- don't want to constantly pick him up and you don't want to CIO, then maybe some reading to calm him down &/or soothing music until...has many many bad years ahead of them. I didn't do formal CIO but there have been times where everything is ok, and I've been...so I say, give her the comfort she needs. I don't believe CIO is a healthy option....
- I don't think what you're discribing is a CIO situation. A bit of whining and vetching is just a way to discharge some energy...
Talk : : April 06, 2012
A CIO question for the Friday night crowd! For those of you who are anti-CIO, do you allow absolutely NO crying in the crib? For example, you put your 1.5 year old to bed and while you know he is tired, he whines to get out on and off for 30 minutes until he falls asleep. Situations like this, that aren't textbook "sleep training"...what do you do?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.06.12, 04:32 PM Flag ]Interestingly, we have an almost 4.5 month old and I thought that I was anti-CIO, anti-training, et cetera whatever...I think that any kind of whining or fussing of any age child placed in to bed awake (or almost asleep/asleep) that is then judiciously ignored, counts as sleep training. It sounds great that your 18 month old then fell asleep!!! Maybe start bedtime 15 min earlier and see if there is less whining/fussing/crying?
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 04:46 PM FlagI was anti-CIO and did pick up DD when she cried. If she was just whining/fussing, that's another story, and I'd try to help her calm down. She is now 2.5 and a truly amazing sleeper - but the whole time I was picking her up, I really had my doubts about whether I was doing the right thing. Now I'm happy that followed my own instinct about what she needed - and my advice to you would be to follow yours, too. You probably have a sense of what path you want to take here - just take it!
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 06:43 PM FlagI think anyone who won't allow any crying in the crib at all has many many bad years ahead of them. I didn't do formal CIO but there have been times where everything is ok, and I've been in a few times where I let him cry a little bit because I know it is just limit testing. I think you can judge the severity and type of cry and how long you should let it go. But I don't know if that qualifies as anti cio. I think some crying is necessary sometimes but not under rigid guidelines. Go by your own instinct. If you need to tend to your child do it, but if that isn't working maybe a little crying is best for both of you.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:26 PM FlagDd is 20 mos and sometimes needs a good 30 mins of rolling around, a little whining, etc before falling asleep but she doesn't want to do it alone. I sit in a chair and relax, shush her sometimes to calm or answer when she calls out mama to let her know I'm there and she generally falls asleep on her own (meaning wo picking up and rocking or the like). I'm ok with the way I'm doing things, esp being tat she's teething terribly right now. They aren't this young forever and she's my only right now so I say, give her the comfort she needs. I don't believe CIO is a healthy option.
[ Reply | More ]04.06.12, 07:51 PM Flag
[+] Describe your 13 mo DS's day. Mine seems mighty bored. 17 replies
- I would try to fix the nap. Try to cio to get at least one good nap in there. It'll be tough but its worth a try. Sounds like he's overtired, not bored....
Talk : : April 05, 2012
Describe your 13 mo DS's day. Mine seems mighty bored.
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | More04.05.12, 06:36 PM Flag ]You're projecting. a 13mos old can be excited by tupperware and wooden spoons. You're kid isn't bored you are.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 06:40 PM FlagI would like to think that, but he doesn't seem to enjoy my idea of a good time - trips to the museum, long walks outside in the stroller in central park springtime, being on the blanket in the park, getting coffee. he likes music, the baby gym, groups of kids -- but I can't afford any supplements like classes.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 06:51 PM Flag
Wakes up at 7, breakfast, playtime, nap 9am, playtime, lunch 11:30, go out to the park, nap 1:30, playtime & I read to him, dinner, bath, more reading, light off 7pm. He's very curious about everything. I can't imagine a bored 13mo unless you cage him in a playpen all day with nothing.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:04 PM FlagI don't at all but see above. Also, he doesn't nap. I put him down in his crib when he yawns a few hours after waking, but he cries and cries, then I take him out so he can sleep in stroller, but he looks around, might not sleep till early afternoon, then only briefly. Or will go all afternoon like six hours without a nap, Help!
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:07 PM Flag
I couldn't afford classes for my dc's at this age either and I don't think they need them to have fun. You could start taking dc to playgrounds and using baby swings even if db isn't walking yet. You will meet some other moms/nannies and could schedule 1:1 playdates even if once a week. Spring is here and this will look up soon!
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:06 PM FlagIf he likes to socialize with other kids you could look for a playgroup in the neighborhood.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:08 PM FlagMy DS is 14 mo and nanny arranges playdates, he has gym class on Monday, storytime at library on Tuesday, free play at kiddie gym on Wednesday, music class on Friday. Between the scheduled classes and play dates, my DB has a very active schedule!!
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:10 PM FlagIt sounds like you are doing plenty. I have never met a bored db in my life. If he is bored he will be screaming all day long. If he can read and likes to swing as you describe then I bet he is getting plenty of stimulation. We have a 17 mo dd and she loves to listen to music at home. No classes for her until she is 2 most likely. Or maybe 2 1/2.
[ Reply | More ]04.05.12, 07:24 PM Flag
[+] What books would you recommend to a first-time mom? Which popular books are not worth... 20 replies
- found the mayo clinic book most helpful during pregnancy, but honestly, I found watching episodes of A Baby Story most helpful for the labor and delivery part! Once db was here, Weisbluth was a great help. Even if you don't want to CIO, it's great for observing nap patterns, etc....
Talk : : April 01, 2012
What books would you recommend to a first-time mom? Which popular books are not worth buying?
20 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreI hated What to Expect. Filled with fear-mongering and you-better-eat-healthy diet tips
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 04:13 PM FlagI found the mayo clinic book most helpful during pregnancy, but honestly, I found watching episodes of A Baby Story most helpful for the labor and delivery part! Once db was here, Weisbluth was a great help. Even if you don't want to CIO, it's great for observing nap patterns, etc.
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 04:18 PM FlagYou don't need a book. Trust your instincts, love your kids, pay attention to them, lead by example. It's not difficult. People make it very difficult. Remember to pay attention to your marriage and to talk!
[ Reply | More ]04.01.12, 05:09 PM FlagI'm pretty low-key and have always used books. They're not always how-tos, they're often just informational, i.e. "What the hell do I do if my kid pees in his eye?" Instinct doesn't necessarily walk you through this stuff. Always liked Brazelton. I liked the What to Expect series because I liked how it was laid out. As to sleep, I loved Happiest Baby on the Block.
[ Reply | More ]04.02.12, 07:23 AM Flag
[+] at what month did you sleep train your baby? what method did you use? please give as ... 17 replies
- i guess technically cio from the beginning almost - he always slept in his crib - if he fell asleep while nursing, I would just put him...
- 4 mo, Weissbluth's method. At that age, DC was put down for naps every 2 hrs. DC slept from 7pm-6:30am. CIO for 1 week. There was 1 night feeding up until 9mo, during growth spurt periods DC would wake up for a brief feeding...
Talk : : March 19, 2012
at what month did you sleep train your baby? what method did you use? please give as many details as possible. TIA!
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.19.12, 04:24 PM Flag ]Around 7-8 months. We were tired of rocking him to sleep, so we put him in his crib and let him cry until he fell asleep. It is SO hard and heart-wrenching, but it works really quickly--ds was falling asleep by himself (without crying) in just a few days. Good luck!
[ Reply | More ]03.19.12, 04:29 PM Flag-
Stopped rocking them to sleep when they were too big and squirmy. Somewhere around 8 months? Put them in the crib sleepy, closed the door, got them in the morning. Easy. People get too anxious about this crap. Create a bedtime routine and stick to it. DC might cry a bit the first few nights - but set a timer for 10 min. and you likely won't get to 10 min. The worst thing you can do is go in - it restarts the crying and validates that crying will get you to come in.
[ Reply | More ]03.19.12, 05:42 PM Flagi guess technically cio from the beginning almost - he always slept in his crib - if he fell asleep while nursing, I would just put him in his crib, same if he did not fall asleep I always just put him in his crib...some nights he was fussy most nights just settled in and slept - I know we were very lucky
[ Reply | More ]03.19.12, 06:03 PM Flag6 months for #1, 4 months for #2. I put them in the crib and let them figure it out ie Weissbluth. #1 cried for 20mins first night, 10 mins the next night, and 5 mins for the following week. He didn't wake in the middle of the night except when hungry. #2 cried 15 mins first night, 5 mins next and then no more. She woke up at night a few times, cried a little and went back to sleep. GL!
[ Reply | More ]03.19.12, 06:06 PM Flag3/4 mo with both. I weaned them off middle-of-night feedings, but kept rubbing their backs, soothing them, letting them know I was there. It took maybe 5 times the first night, three the second, and eventually they learned to self-soothe. I don't believe in CIO. I think the method we did is Ferber? Also, dc #1 was in her crib/own room at 3 mo, dc #2 was still in bassinet in our room until 6mo. This wasn't on purpose, I just was lazy about moving dc #2 into her room. They both are amazing sleepers now.
[ Reply | More ]03.19.12, 06:09 PM Flag4 mo, Weissbluth's method. At that age, DC was put down for naps every 2 hrs. DC slept from 7pm-6:30am. CIO for 1 week. There was 1 night feeding up until 9mo, during growth spurt periods DC would wake up for a brief feeding at 5am. DC would go right back to sleep after the feedings. DC (2yo now) still goes to bed at 7pm. Great sleeper now. DH & I are happy we started early. We've enjoyed our alone time after 7pm every night since then. Best thing we did.
[ Reply | More ]03.19.12, 08:17 PM Flag
[+] Anyone else have a baby with a very late bedtime? My 6 mo old won't fall asleep until... 13 replies
- Check weissbluth. It's not well written so tough to extract the useful info, but there is good info re sleep patterns, when they change. He's a fan of CIO after 4 or 5 months but there's more to the book than that. Helped us figure out that db was having 3 nap to 2 nap to 1 nap transitions n...
Talk : : March 18, 2012
Anyone else have a baby with a very late bedtime? My 6 mo old won't fall asleep until 11 pm. After he's asleep, he'll sleep ten hours and wake happy at 9am. He takes a few 30 minute naps during the day as well. I am EBF, and he likes his last BF session to be for about an hour, and he'll fall semi-asleep while nursing and let's me move him to the crib. If I set the routine too early, he doesn't get sleepy, and he wakes when i put him in the crib. Basically, It backfires and I have to give him another BF session and we are up even later! I LOVE how he sleeps 10 hrs at night so I'm also afraid to mess this up. Advice? Not a CIO fan....
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.18.12, 10:55 PM Flag ]He'll move to an earlier bedtime soon. I forget when it happened for us, but it was around 6mos. For a while he wake up at
[ Reply | More ]03.18.12, 11:11 PM Flag-
Check weissbluth. It's not well written so tough to extract the useful info, but there is good info re sleep patterns, when they change. He's a fan of CIO after 4 or 5 months but there's more to the book than that. Helped us figure out that db was having 3 nap to 2 nap to 1 nap transitions n
[ Reply | More ]03.19.12, 12:00 AM FlagNP: Yes, I second Weissbluth's book. There is a lot of helpful info on baby sleep habits at different stages. 11pm is quite late. Most babies at that age group go to sleep between 6-8pm and wake up at 6-7am. You should try to move up the bedtime earlier for the baby and for yourself. After I moved my db's bedtime to 7pm, it changed our lives for the better, seriously! Since DB is still young, it will be much easier to change his sleep habits now. The closer you get to 1 yo, the harder it will be to break any habits that have formed.
[ Reply | More ]03.19.12, 06:36 AM Flag
My kids are older now and the beginning is a complete and total blur. If your baby is getting enough sleep and happy, and the one glitch is that he thinks he lives on an island west of California just keep it going! My DD gradually got to an earlier bedtime I think over the course of a year. The other baby nappped and slept like clockwork.
[ Reply | More ]03.19.12, 04:21 AM Flag
[+] 20 month old DS. Good night sleeper since 6 mo. Par napper (1-2 hours, around 1-3) . ... 1 reply
- Don't bring him to bed with you tonight. Eventually he will go to sleep, might have to CIO...
Talk : : March 17, 2012
[+] Need advice. DB is 8.5 m and still only sleeps 1-2 hours at a time. He is EBF and c... 12 replies
- Not all dbs respond to traditional sleep training. I had one db who did terribly with CIO done "correctly," both major methods, for 10+ days on two separate trials. I just accepted that he was a child with high needs for physical contact and we were both much happier....
Talk : : March 14, 2012
Need advice. DB is 8.5 m and still only sleeps 1-2 hours at a time. He is EBF and cosleeps. I've tried putting him in the crib but he wint stay asleep in there either and stands himself up looking for me. How do I sleep train a baby like this?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.14.12, 05:08 PM Flag ]Not all dbs respond to traditional sleep training. I had one db who did terribly with CIO done "correctly," both major methods, for 10+ days on two separate trials. I just accepted that he was a child with high needs for physical contact and we were both much happier.
[ Reply | More ]03.14.12, 05:40 PM Flag
[+] Okay ladies, you've convinced me to pull my 2.4 yo's nap and bedtime bottles. Any str... 7 replies
Talk : : March 13, 2012
Okay ladies, you've convinced me to pull my 2.4 yo's nap and bedtime bottles. Any strategies besides just "you're too old for a bottle" and letting him CIO? He's way more attached to it than my first one was. TIA.
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.13.12, 06:08 PM Flag ]does he get a sippy? just switch toa sippy at night and bedtime and then drop that. I like doing things gradually. That worked w/ my 18 m/o
[ Reply | More ]03.13.12, 06:11 PM Flaghe gets a sippy for water and watered-down juice, but won't have have milk from it.
[ Reply | More ]03.13.12, 06:12 PM FlagYea my son got only water in a sippy and it took a few days for him to get used to it. I started w/ mid day milk in it so it didn't affect sleep. Then he was used to having milk in a sippy and I switched to bedtime sippy then eliminated sippy just for bed to avoid the milk on teeth. And no crying whatsoever about it. But he was younger than 2 so I don't know if that matters.
[ Reply | More ]03.13.12, 06:15 PM Flag
i had a lot of success watering down the bottle til eventually it was just water by 3 he was totally over it.
[ Reply | More ]03.13.12, 06:23 PM Flag+1. Did this at under 2 for night time. During the day, give him a straw cup and supplement w yogurt until you're comfortable that he is getting enough dairy. Give milk w meal and yogurt (w/fruit) as snack. Don't give milk as stand alone - milk or water is drinkl, snacks are food w a drink.
[ Reply | More ]03.13.12, 07:13 PM Flag
[+] Okay ladies, you've convinced me to pull my 2.4 yo's nap and bedtime bottles. Any str... 3 replies
Talk : : March 13, 2012
Okay ladies, you've convinced me to pull my 2.4 yo's nap and bedtime bottles. Any strategies besides just "you're too old for a bottle" and letting him CIO? He's way more attached to it than my first one was. TIA.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.13.12, 06:08 PM Flag ]I did the same, he was over it in about five days but he never drank milk again and now he's four. I wish I'd let him keep the nap bottle a little longer....if you are sure you want to do it just get rid of them, kids are so in the moment he'll forget all about it in a few days (but yeah can be rough for a short time there) Good luck.
[ Reply | More ]03.13.12, 06:11 PM Flag
[+] Has anyone read the sleep training book 12 hours by 12 weeks? Thoughts? Is it good? T... 4 replies
- I am a pro CIO but waaaay to early and too unrealistic....
- CIO at that age is neglect if not abuse. Even Weissbluth who is pretty hard core and Ferber say that before 6 months is inappropriate. If you are the poster with the 5.5 month old twins and the baby for a husband, please read a book about how to get your DH to grow up rather than having your babies cry....
Talk : : March 09, 2012
Has anyone read the sleep training book 12 hours by 12 weeks? Thoughts? Is it good? TIA
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.09.12, 05:36 AM Flag ]CIO at that age is neglect if not abuse. Even Weissbluth who is pretty hard core and Ferber say that before 6 months is inappropriate. If you are the poster with the 5.5 month old twins and the baby for a husband, please read a book about how to get your DH to grow up rather than having your babies cry.
[ Reply | More ]03.09.12, 07:35 AM Flag
[+] My 10-month old goes to bed around 6:30pm wakes up around 11 (fine) or so, but we can... 5 replies
- ^^^To answer your Qs, you should definitely continue with CIO and I would not feed DB at either time. He needs to learn to self-soothe and does not need calories in the night....
- My 9 month is the same way! CIO doesn't work he will cry for hours. I rock him at 3AM with no feeding but I am sooo tired....
Talk : : March 07, 2012
My 10-month old goes to bed around 6:30pm wakes up around 11 (fine) or so, but we can't seem to get rid of the 3AM feeding. He usually only takes a few ounces so I know it's more of a comfort thing. Wakes up at 6:30 happy as can be. But, I'm exhausted. We did the CIO for a couple days, worked, then started waking again. Do I stick with it? Also, when do they stop the 11pmish feeding?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.07.12, 01:55 PM Flag ]
[+] Last night DH had a meltdown and completely lashed out. We have 5.5 month old twins w... 55 replies
- I will probably get flamed for a) formula feeding exclusively and b) CIOing but I promise you my DCs are extremely healthy, happy, smart,...
- NP mom of 7mo twins--I also did CIO (at 5mo) and feed and put them down for naps at the...
- ^^did CIO with both of them in the same room. Probably took a little longer than with a singleton, but did work....
- I did CIO with both of them in the same room.np...
Talk : : March 06, 2012
Last night DH had a meltdown and completely lashed out. We have 5.5 month old twins who are not sleeping through the night, we can hear everything, and they woke up crying a couple of times. We knew we had to let them cry because to early to be hungry. He started lashing out at me and said, "Why was I cursed with twins. Fuck them, they've ruined my life." He continued to say horrible things like he gets nothing back from having them, is sick of dealing with them, hates that they take me away from him, etc. Of course I defended my dcs and he yells predictable, you don't even care about me or yourself anymore. I feel so hurt, they're innocent babies what am i supposed to do?!
55 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.06.12, 03:59 AM Flag ]Do you belong to Mothers of Twins? Can you get a babysitter & go on a date night? Let DH spend night at hotel? My guess is that this is stress & exhaustion talking not his true feelings.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 04:02 AM FlagI hope it is stress and exhaustion. The truth is it is not the first time he has said things like this since they were born. He says he is sick of pretending to be positive. Not a part of Mothers with Twins, we have a babysitter come three days a week for 5 hours and we go to lunch when she is here if he can get off work then. My parents have taken them for 4 weekends and will take them next weekend for us, when they do we get the whole weekend to ourselves. So yes it is stressful and hard, but we get more breaks than most.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 04:05 AM FlagTwin mom here: Wow, you've got a great support system! The thing is, sometimes getting all those "tastes" of the way life "used to be" can sometimes make it harder to go back to the grind? You're lucky to have a lot of help and breaks but the reality (which your DH must come to grips with) is that this job of being a twin parents IS hard and it IS forever.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 07:28 AM Flag
+1-- as a mom of twins, I know all about that exhaustion, and it is exhausting! My husband and I had a "rule", that anything we said to each other after 2AM didn't count! Having said that, I still the above poster had a good idea--you need a break of some kind--
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 04:06 AM Flagop here- thanks all. will try the 12 hours by 12 weeks. i have tried healthy sleep habits happy child, i can't really understand his philosophy on timing naps at 9 and 1, they do nap pretty well though through out the day. they are just not synced up at all which is the hard part, there is never a break! they are such different babies with diffrent needs so dont want to impose the exact same schedule on both. i guess having twins is and will be the hardest thing i ever do and hopefully a great accomplishment. i agree with most, my dh is being insensitive and does need to grow the hell up in all honesty, he did REALLY want kids after all. i understand what he is going through and there is certainly can understand some complaining but i will no let last night happen again
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 08:46 AM FlagNP and twin mom: if you want to follow Weissbluth, here is what I did with my twins at about the same age. When one woke up for the day, I would wake #2. Nap was around 9 AM, regardless of who was tired or not. They slept in the same room but did not seem to bother each other. For naps, I would let cry up to one hour (per W's rec); usually, both were asleep within 10-15 mins. Let them sleep for as long as they wanted (usually about 90 mins). Nap #2 was around 1 PM; same approach. They both took a 3rd mini-nap around 4:30 for 45ish mins. Bedtime at 7 PM. I began sleep training at 4 months and both were sleeping 12 hours by 5 months (which I say only to let you know that it is possible to get both babies sleeping through the night at 5.5 months, but you do need to let them cry, as you seem to be doing). I fed them at the same times (bottle fed, not breast) and pretty much did everything simultaneously. I appreciate that you don't want to treat them identically when they are not identical BUT you need to put YOUR sanity first. This is a marathon, not a sprint. If possible, get additional help during the week so that you have some more time to recuperate and get away from the insanity. And I would second (third?) the suggestion to join a Mothers of Twins club in your area. It's very, very helpful to be around other mothers of multiples. I found that being around mothers of singletons, and even multiple siblings of different ages, was depressing in the beginning. Other twin moms totally 'get it' and will support you in this very stressful time in your life. It's hard; it took me about 18 months to fully settle in and then it started to get easier and easier. Now my twins are 5+ and it's sooooo easy, easier than having just one if you can believe it. GL!
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 10:39 AM Flag^^^PS I will probably get flamed for a) formula feeding exclusively and b) CIOing but I promise you my DCs are extremely healthy, happy, smart, well-adjusted children :) Do what you need to do to get through the day (and night) and they will be just fine, I promise!
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 10:41 AM FlagAnother twin mom here and man, you sound nice! :) I agree with almost all of this... although I actually did manage to breastfeed (or bottle-feed breastmilk) my twins (honestly the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and, in hindsight, sort of masochistic! I would have enjoyed that first year far more if I'd supplemented with formula I think). I also followed Weissluth's advice but we napped the babies in separate rooms, it just went more smoothly that way (one in babies' room, one in pack-n-play in our room). They slept in same room at night but naps were more erratic, different lengths, less predictable. ITA about not getting any support from singleton moms, it is a TOTALLY different situation. I actually found a support group for twins online which was a HUGE help (for practical reasons/questions/logistics but also moral support and a shoulder to cry on/ears to listen). I've met many of those twin moms in real life and still stay in touch (most of our "babies" are now 7-10 years old!) It does get SO MUCH easier... and incredibly fun too!
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 10:47 AM Flag
Sleep deprivation and the realization (if these are your first babies) that The Weekend Never Comes When You Have Small Kids can do that. My DH and I had the worst fights between 6-9 months with my first (not twins!) I also encourage you to try to get a break, but remind him you're a team, his needs do count, you both will work out a workable life but it may take a couple years, and it will only hurt if you are yelling at each other.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 04:19 AM FlagWell put. Life changes so drastically and the sleep deprivation takes away our good senses! Your dh doesn't mean what he said I am sure, just be very patient and know that things will get easier soon. Successful sleep training will make a huuuge change for the better so don't give up. I have a 19mo and a 5mo and on some hairy occasions I've thought and said some awful things I absolutely did not mean. It gets very hard at times but hang in there and plan a fun date night for you and dh. GL!!
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 05:21 AM Flag
Once you are at 10-11 months it will get a lot better. Men aren't that into babies. When the twins start interacting at 10-11 months, he will like them a lot better. They will also be a little more self-sufficient at that age so you will at least be able to watch them from your couch. Just babyproof and between when they are sitting up and before they are really walking create an enclosed play area with their toys that is safe and it will give you a little more mental sanity. It gets so much better at 1 yo.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 04:45 AM FlagI know this might be small consolation, but I think those feelings are pretty honest, however difficult they may be to hear. A df described it accurately that having a baby "rocked my world". Nothing is the same, and esp. the first six months, things are brutal. And that's without twins. The babies don't actually care at ths point what he is saying since they don't understand it, and at some point soon, he will love them. What he needs now is reassurance from you (in actions, not just words) that 1) someday he will have a life back and 2) he is still really important to you.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 04:50 AM FlagNP: Op, these are the hell years. Thank God you have a level head! Ignore your dh, he is frustrated and doesn't know how to cope. Be kind to yourself and try to get as much help as you can (other than your dh that is!). I promise you it gets better with each month.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 05:10 AM FlagIt is sleep deprivation. The first 6-9mos DO kind of suck because it's almost all work and you DO get very little back from DCs. Just keep pushing through and DH will almost certainly begin to enjoy the babies at 1yr+ when they really start to "give" you something.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 05:18 AM FlagI can't believe everyone is defending your prick of a dh. A person can think what he said, and every parent has thought something like that at some point, but most don't actually say it out loud. Why should you be burdened with his inability to deal coupled with cruelty? Either you're in this together, or you're not. I'd stop speaking to him until he got his shit together and apologized.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 05:26 AM FlagI have said things like this in the middle of the night (am a DW). I still love DC more than anything in the world. Everyone can crack now and then.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 05:28 AM Flag-
what can she say to him? 'You really flew off the handle but I'll make it all better and take care of the twins and you too!' Like it or not (in his case 'not') they have twins and for the time being, the twins are the center of the family. It won't be that way forever. If he's too childish to accept that his wife can't put him first for now, and if he can't put his kids' needs before his own for a while, and he can't bring himself to be kind to hus wife, what can she say to him?
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 05:47 AM Flag
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2 yo and 5 weeks. DH is an adult and knows his kids are not something that has been done to him. We all get frustrated andniss our pre-kids life, and we all snap from time-to-time, but op's dh has said stuff like before. My dh and I have a 'do-over' rule (when something comes out all wrong you call 'do over' and correct yourself with no grudges held by the other. This doesn't apply in op's case because he dh meant to hurt her).
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 05:41 AM Flag
Right because what two sleep-deprived parents dealing with twins need is to start playing the "who sucks worse" game and dealing out the silent treatment to each other.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 05:41 AM FlagIt's much better to say, "I was much happier without them and oh, by the way, I resent that you put them first before me"? Once, you get a pass, but op'd dh has said this shit before. He needs to grow up and hold his tongue. I just don't see what she can say to him to makeit better. He has to make it better, not her. It's not like keeping the peace with him is going to make her life any easier right now. Not having him say anything to her might, though.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 05:59 AM FlagWell, in my marriage I try to treat my DH like I'd like him to treat me. No silent treatment, no Monday morning quarterbacking. If I'd lost it several times that my life sucks with twins and no sleep (which doesn't seem that hard to understand) I would want him to sit down with me to reassure me that things will get back and to figure out what we can do meantime, not decide I need to "grown up." I AM assuming a baseline of mutual respect.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 07:07 AM Flag
I don't have twins but do have 4 kids and it's really hard in the beginning. Ignore what he said. He's just stressed and exhausted. Try to go out at least once a week together without the kids if you can swing it. I remember my dh and I had a huge fight too in the middle of the night after our 3rd was born. We were both just exhausted. Of course, we both really wanted all of our kids but the little ones are tiring! FWIW, they get much more fun as they get older.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 05:30 AM Flagop here- thanks for all the thoughtful responses. my dh has always had a lower stress tolerance than me, so i suspect it was the sleep deprivation, but it was just the viciousness with which he said those things that stung last night. i too find myself resenting the babies sometimes, and wishing i didn't have twins, and then i feel so guilty thinking that. no offense to moms with one baby, but i am just so jealous at how easy it seems in comparison, twins are just a whole new level, plus they are our first. am hoping it will get better when they start to interact more and interact with dh. i do care about his feelings and try to reassure him that he is still my #1, but someone has got to keep it together and be there for dcs, i don't want both of us stomping around pissed at them all the time because of our changed lives, so i guess i keep those feelings in and he doesn't think i ever think that way
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 05:41 AM FlagIt is truly okay to feel that way. My SIL & BIL had twins and she left them at our house one afternoon sobbing that she could not do it any more. They are 11, delightful boys, and they went on to have a third. I agree ideally your DH would not say those things, but I would hang in there a little longer without getting too judgey about it.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 05:44 AM FlagDo you have a babysitter? Can you afford some help? One night of sleep and a date once a week does wonders.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 05:46 AM FlagOp here- we have a sitter on mon/wed/fri from 9 to 2 which is very helpful, but not much of a break as I get stuff done like groceries, laundry, bills, meals etc. we do occasionally meet for lunch though which is nice and I manage to work out which keeps me sane and helps me de stress. My parents just agreed to take them this weekend so hopefully we will get some sleep and time together
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 06:24 AM Flag
why is he still your #1? shouldn't the babies come first for BOTH of you? not forever, but for a little while? They are helpless and needy, your dh is not. But I hope it works out for you and that everyone gets more sleep.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 06:05 AM Flag
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12 hours by we 12 weeks is GREAT. works for twins too. it's ok that they are more than 12 wks btw, the concept still applies. try that. I found that a schedule duirng the day really set them up for a schedule in the evening. I am sorry but what I find difficult is that your DH was so vicious, when it seems that you are more overwhelmed during the day w them (mostly) alone. you also do get a fair amount of help, so I feel like the degree of his anger is a bit out of proportion. but hopefully he will apologize and you guys can move on.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 06:38 AM Flag-
Ditto. I posted above about how I scheduled them at 5 months; I followed him religiously and my twins are great sleepers. Don't be afraid to put them both on the same schedule; it will not take long for them to adjust to the routine and I think if you and your DH start getting a full night's *uninterrupted* sleep, a lot of things will become a lot easier overnight (literally).
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 10:44 AM Flag
Okay, I am going to be the mean one here, but your DH needs to grow up. I would have a huge, HUGE problem with my DH acting like a baby like that. He sounds gross and very immature. Your kids are your kids, they need you guys to take care of them, not to resent their needs. And not for nothing, but your parents taking them all weekend, for 4-5 weekends - already you've had more time to yourselves than DH and I have had in the last 6 years (we have three kids who are now 2, 4, and 6). I get that it's hard, I get that it sucks, but he needs to pull it together or go somewhere else. Frustration is one thing, having a tantrum and saying vicious things is something else entirely. A pattern of saying things like that isn't a momentary lapse, it's the truth talking. And he needs to take a good look, realize that he's not the center of the universe any longer and get over himself. UGH. They take you away from him... WAH! What a baby (and I don't mean the infants).
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 07:16 AM FlagSo human, so normal. I think it's better that he said those things aloud than held it in and it's amazing that he's feeling the resentment too, some men sleep soundly through the newborn phase and don't know why the woman, who is up all by herself, is "complaining". That's another kind of hell. This guy is here with you in the trenches. Tell him this hell is well known and TEMPORARY. You will all get your lives back and the twins will bring you decades of joy. Just need to be in survival mode now.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 07:16 AM FlagDH still can't handle children awake after 10 p.m. (and they are 12 and 6). Read this - it gave us a good laugh
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 07:50 AM Flaghttp://nymag.com/news/features/67024/
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 07:50 AM Flag-
The divorce rate for multiples is very high, I only say that so you understand this is not unusual with twins or triplets. As others have said, try to have a date, this too will pass, realize he probably overwhelmed and not the center of attention anymore. At least he said you did not care about yourself anymore which shows you he does notice you and you matter to him too. Hang in there...it's a new day.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 08:06 AM FlagMy husband was like this too, and now he loves, loves our daughters. Don't worry. It just takes men a while to get used to the new dynamic. I think women just bond much faster than men, so for the first few months, my husband just saw the downside and felt that I was taken away from him. It will get better soon.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 08:18 AM FlagI'm a mother of twins, and is the hardest thing you will ever do. I've been there screaming and crying in the middle of the night. I don't do well with lack of sleep, however it will not get any better until they are about 9-11 months. We went through a period where one slept and the other did not and then they switched. It was horrible, no sleep for me or DH for weeks. You guys are actually getting a break with the grandparents taking them for the weekend. At this point tell him what my DH told me one time I broke down. You wanted kids and now we have them, can't return then so growth the F.... up and deal with it. I did and have now at 18 months looked back and put things in perspective. Tell him while you understand his frustrations, he needs to be supportive as hard as may be for him.
[ Reply | More ]03.06.12, 08:25 AM Flag
[+] My 3 month old only sleeps for 4 hours at night and then only about an hour at a time... 9 replies
- you are not alone. it will get better. comfort him. try having him sleep near you - like in a boppy on the bed or arms reach bassinet. at 6 months you can "cio" - modified or other. cluster feed starting at 5pm. don't change diapers at night unless stinky. keep lights low/off. get starbucks frequent shopper card....
Talk : : March 05, 2012
My 3 month old only sleeps for 4 hours at night and then only about an hour at a time after that. I cringe when I hear of other moms writing how their babies sleep for like 8 hours by 3 months. Please tell me I am not alone and that it will get better. Any tips? Thanks
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.05.12, 09:58 AM Flag ]You're not alone and 3 months old is really too long to sleep a full 8 hours. They still need overnight feeds at that point. Signed, pediatric NP
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 10:00 AM FlagOh come on. I'm not saying you should let them "cry it out" if they wake up hungry. By 3 months my kid only woke up 1x a night around 4 am (after going down at 7 pm), and the doctor certainly was not suggesting I wake him up since he was gaining weight/growing. Even by 4-6 weeks, any doctor will tell you if the baby is gaining weight, let them sleep 12 a long time. Every baby is different, and I think at 3 months some babies still need to eat, but don't act like parents whose babies sleep 12 hours a night at 3 months are being neglectful.
[ Reply | More ]03.07.12, 08:34 AM Flag
you are not alone. it will get better. comfort him. try having him sleep near you - like in a boppy on the bed or arms reach bassinet. at 6 months you can "cio" - modified or other. cluster feed starting at 5pm. don't change diapers at night unless stinky. keep lights low/off. get starbucks frequent shopper card.
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 10:03 AM Flagwhen my twins were that age they woke up frequently for feedings (growth spurt period). it got better during the 4th month when we started to sleep train them. they started sleeping through the night with one night feeding, then went back to sleep. hang in there.
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 10:04 AM Flagi think every baby is different. some really need to eat at night more than others, some are just better sleepers. my older one wasn't night weaned until he was 1yo and therefore didn't sleep through until then. OTOH, w 1 feeding when i went to bed and one in the middle of the night, he slept a total of 12 hours at night so no early morning playtime! my younger one was a tummy sleeper from an early age and slept more soundly as a result and gave up night feedings around 8 months. but he never really did 12 hours at night either, always more like 10-11.
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 10:33 AM Flag
[+] Has anyone had an Insomniac toddler. I am desperately in need of sleep. I need tips m... 22 replies
- That's horrible!! Have you tried CIO? Desperate times call for desperate measures...
Talk : : March 05, 2012
Has anyone had an Insomniac toddler. I am desperately in need of sleep. I need tips my ped's advice is not helping. I would like to go back to work but that is not a possibility until this kids starts to sleep.
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.05.12, 07:26 AM Flag ]i think they have spurts of insomnia. probably just have to ride it out. sorry.
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 07:33 AM FlagShe has never been a good sleeper but for the past 6mo it has been horrible. She sleeps 9pm - midnight, then wakes up and doesn't go back to sleep until 5:30-7:00 am. I end up waking up her older brother at 6am to get ready for school. So that leaves me getting 2hours a night of sleep. I am going to snap, I can feel it. I need sleep.
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 07:39 AM Flag
How old exactly? Still in crib? Is dc crying from 12-5? or playing in bed?
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 07:41 AM FlagDD is 3yo and is just running around the house, going in the fridge, getting toys, trying to turn on TV. I am running behind her putting her back in bed every night. DH now sleeps in the guest room because he says he can't get any sleep with her. Don't flame him he has to sleep he is an ER doctor and has to sleep.
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 07:47 AM FlagTake a week-be firm, do the thing where first you sleep next to dd bed, then near door, then in hallway. Don't give in. Say NO TALKING, NO GETTING OUT OF BED. Offer a prize each morning(sticker should be enough) on a chart and then at the end of the week if dd gets all stickers a "big" prize(like book or figurine, or train).
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 07:52 AM FlagI might consider a lock on the door - simple hook and eye for a couple of weeks until she realizes that she cannot leave her room
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 07:52 AM FlagI haven't tried it, and I am desperate. I will ask DH to put one on. I hope he agrees.
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 07:56 AM Flagmy parents had to do it for me (I used to wonder at night and the staircase scared them) my mom said it only took a couple of weeks for me to stop trying the door and banging on it, but the first couple of nights were complete hell she said - many nights they found me asleep right next to the door. I have no memory now of any of it
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 08:09 AM Flag
That's horrible!! Have you tried CIO? Desperate times call for desperate measures...
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 07:46 AM FlagCheck "out of sync child". There may be some ideas in there--activities you can do during the day--that would her. I domDesensitizing her to certain stimuli, and enabling her to calm herself.
[ Reply | More ]03.05.12, 07:54 AM Flag
[+] My sister has an 8-month-old db. I have one ds, 4yo. I thought her having a db would ... 46 replies
- but the rest, meh. How is the schedule working out for them? Does DB nap well and sleep through the night? Why would anyone else need to feed DB if she is SAHM? I was a bit this way w #1. Slept through the night at 12 weeks (no CIO) and we started to go out at nght regularly at 6mos when we got a regular sitter. At 3 and a couple of months, nobody but DH and I have ever put him to bed other than when we were movig and left him w grandparents for 3 nights. #2 was...
Talk : : March 01, 2012
My sister has an 8-month-old db. I have one ds, 4yo. I thought her having a db would bring us closer together, but it's actually driven us apart. She and her DH (who is a SAHD) have a lot of strict rules. Nobody is allowed to feed their db except them, and they will only give db bottles when they are at home (and nobody else can be there, because they don't want db to get "distracted" and not eat). Nobody can play with db after he eats, because he needs time to sit upright and digest. They are always worried that any stimulation will upset db. She won't take him anywhere because of his very strict sleeping/eating schedule. It sucks because we can't ever hang out anymore.
46 replies [ Reply | Watch | More03.01.12, 04:15 PM Flag ]I can't stand uptight parents. This kind of stuff is so weird to me.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 04:17 PM FlagOP: I know, seriously. I was kind of uptight with my own ds, but nowhere near my sister's craziness. My mom went to visit my sister today. My sister said she could come at 1:15, when db got up from his nap, and could stay until his next bottle at 2pm. And then at 1:15 she decided her DH needed to take db to Babies R Us, so my mom would have to wait until 2:30 to see him. So my mom had to kill time for an hour, waiting.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 04:20 PM Flag
hmm.. i understand how you must feel. perhaps if you can wait it out a little, they may learn to relax & realize that the db is not as fragile as they think. new parents can be a tad over-anxious.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 04:17 PM FlagNew parent syndrome. Wait till they have a 2nd, they'll relax.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 04:18 PM FlagYes, I was like this with my first. He was hard to feed and severely underweight so it stressed me out whenever he would not drink his milk. I didn't let anyone else feed him because that made him fussier and he wouldn't drink anything. They may also be doing sleep training which explains the schedule. I always felt guilty if DB wasn't on schedule with his naps. I felt like I would undo the training. After #2 & #3, I have no energy to be particular.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 05:00 PM Flag
Jay-sus. How do they think the world functions with such controlling natures? Wait until they have a second kid. By then my second one was practically eating on the run as we flew around with 2nd kid. BTW, both my kids are extremely flexible kids in nature, are able to go with the flow. They are setting up kids that might not be able to function if there's a change up.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 04:29 PM FlagOP: I know. I've tried to talk to her a million times, telling her she's not doing db any favors by keeping him isolated when he eats and keeping him away from all noise and stimulation. She tells me to "stop judging." It's become a sore spot between us, especially when it affects the rest of our family, like my mom today who had to arrange her whole day so she could spend 40 minutes with her grandson. My mom LOVES taking care of babies and she can't even give my sister's kid a bottle, ever. My sister's DH gives him all his bottles and changes all his diapers. My sister barely does any of it. It's weird.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 04:33 PM Flag
NP: Honestly this just sounds awful. I don't mean to make you feel worse, but it almost seems OCD like maybe she/they need therapy or an intervention from their pedi or something. I knew a couple like this and later learned the mom had bad PPD. Not sure if it was chicken or egg, but I think somehow it had to be related. I think people like this do not enjoy their children's babyhood. Was just talking to an acquaintance who said it's always naptime or bottle time, always worried whether DB finishes bottle, and literally said "nothing is fun anymore." IME these people do get kids who are good sleepers (which mine are not) but what is the point when you can never have any fun? Again, I think this sounds OTT and might need some help.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 04:39 PM FlagOP: Thanks for the input. I don't think she has OCD or anything, but I think she's being overly influenced by her DH. He has become really controlling and overbearing with anything related to the baby.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 04:50 PM FlagSorry but I just really don't think it's good for the DB. Maybe I feel strongly because I subconsciously want to justify my kids' lack of routine. Do they seem to take pleasure in the child? Do they play with him? Is he meeting milestones like sitting, crawling? The one baby I knew who was raised this way seems to be a normal 3yo now and the parents clearly adore him. But at the time I was mildly horrified. He even developed torticollis (sp?) which I truly thought was from them always holding him and shoving a bottle into his mouth instead of letting him roll around.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 04:53 PM Flag^^See, the way I feel about this is that it treats the DB like an animal to be trained, or a robot, or a project to be managed, and not like a little person. When in fact around 8 months they have a very distinct personality already starting to emerge. To remove all spontaneity seems like it has to remove all fun. I really hate this. Sorry.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 04:58 PM FlagOP: But is there anything I can do? It's really upsetting me. I imagined we would hang out with the kids all the time and bond, but it's been the complete opposite.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 05:00 PM FlagI am so sorry, I'm spouting my reaction to this and I would be super-upset if this were my sister, but I honestly don't think there is anything you can do. If your sis won't listen and you can't talk to her DH, I guess this is just one of those things. Do you think his controlling is at a dangerous/pathological level for her?
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 05:03 PM Flagthey will loosen up in a few months when the baby turns 1. just give them space to learn on their own. there is nothing worse when people are nagging you to do one thing or another especially if she still has ppd. the nagging/judgements may make her more closed off.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 05:12 PM Flag
The bottle thing seems weird - only at home w nobody around, but the rest, meh. How is the schedule working out for them? Does DB nap well and sleep through the night? Why would anyone else need to feed DB if she is SAHM? I was a bit this way w #1. Slept through the night at 12 weeks (no CIO) and we started to go out at nght regularly at 6mos when we got a regular sitter. At 3 and a couple of months, nobody but DH and I have ever put him to bed other than when we were movig and left him w grandparents for 3 nights. #2 was more challenging and it was closer to a year before we got our lives back. I guess some people would have just said "let the sitter deal w it"
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 04:43 PM FlagNP: Do people really act like this? Are you actually serious? Does anyone tolerate you IRL?
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 04:53 PM FlagIn all seriousness, what parts do you have a problem with? Why should anyone else feed the DB if there is a SAHP? Why do we need to hire a sitter to come at 6:00 to put our DB to bed for us when we can just defer plans until 8:00? How does it impact you or anyone else? (I agree that the OP's sister not wanting anyone else in the house is a problem).
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 05:24 PM FlagYou sound insufferable "some people would let the sitter deal w/ it" everything about your post oozes insecurity - like you need to convince yourself that your way is the best way. I do find it a bit odd that you've never left a 3YO w/ anyone else and you seem to wear it as some badge of honor. There's nothing wrong w/ having your own life too - who is hiring a sitter for family time in the evenings anyway? And for someone so sanctimonious, you might want to try eating meals w/ your child.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 06:15 PM FlagWhat do you mean eating meals w my child? Do you mean eating meals w/o my child? I'm actually trying to say we have a pretty full social life, go out a lot, just not before DCs are in bed. Accordingly, no reason to be hiring someone to put them to bed. Why is that a problem for anyone? Who said anything about not having a life? Why is it better that I want a sitter to come earlier and put kids to bed for me/us? Really, what are you judging? Not letting family in the house can when DC eats can be a problem, I recognize that, but the rest of it, what's the issue?
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 06:43 PM FlagYou said you wait to eat w/ DH until DC is asleep. That's not exactly family meals. You just seem neurotic and preachy. I don't think there's anything wrong w/ putting your kid to bed most nights - but never missing a bedtime and acting like it's the 'right' way is annoying and nothing to be proud of.... The woman OP describes is like a 12 on the nutcase scale - I'd put you around an 8. Maybe you just need a vacation without your snowflake to come back down to Earth...
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 07:20 PM FlagReading comprehension. I said why would anyone else need to feed DB if there is a SAHP. Was also explaining that we have a very full social life without having to sacrifice things like feeding our kids and putting them to be. I was taking you seriously and really trying to figure out what you were having issues with. Now, I think you are actually the defensive, insecure one. You seem to just throw out insults for no apparent good reason. BTW, we have two "snowflakes".
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 07:29 PM FlagI have no comprehension problems - I have problems w/ your attitude. I put my kids to bed 98% of the time and would never insinuate that there's anything wrong w/ doing otherwise. It's not feeding your kids or putting them to bed that is annoying - it's the implication that only you can do it the right way - and you have to do it 100% of the time (save 3 days for a move). Normal life isn't a 'sacrifice.' And regular people understand that it's not rocket science -a sitter, sibling, or parent can do it just as well as you can. I'm not defensive, nor insecure. People who speak in absolute terms irk me. People who live in absolute terms scare me.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 09:54 PM Flag
Actually, I'm all for putting my own babies to bed, but it can actually be worse for the littlest ones to have you put them to bed but some stranger there to soothe them if they wake in the night. Even a known sitter is confusing if she wasn't there at bedtime.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 07:03 PM Flag
Their schedule is working out ok. DB takes lots of little short naps, which is a little weird, but he sleeps through the night. (It's her DH who's the SAH parent.) The bottle thing is weird because even when my parents come over, they can't give him a bottle. They'd like to feed him, because it's a nice bonding thing to give a baby a bottle, but my sister and her DH don't let them. At first, they were allowed to watch her DH give db a bottle, but then they decided that was too distracting so they aren't allowed in the same room while db is eating.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 04:54 PM Flag
Does the baby have reflux/colic? My first ds was miserable, and we were crazy when it came to feeding time. No one could feed him correctly, burp him enough it was so awful. If someone had to watch him for a few hours, he would cry for hours because he was so sensitive during feeding times
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 05:56 PM Flag+1 Vote for the OCD issues. Your sister is in for a rude awakening the first time her kid projectile vomits all over his crib, or throws a tantrum at 17 months, or hits her or her husband. The disproportionate amounts of control they are exerting on this child are not healthy. Sounds OCD to me.
[ Reply | More ]03.01.12, 06:54 PM FlagA lot of parents are super uptight about their first. My SIL was like that. The kid couldn't eat this, couldn't be put down (had to be carried by human arms or in a pack at all times) etc. She's got four now and at this point she practically throws chicken nuggets at their heads.
[ Reply | More ]03.02.12, 07:10 AM Flag
[+] Dear upstairs neighbor: Thanks so much for pounding your floor at 3am to give me the ... 19 replies
- any way. I picked him right up and soothed him and gave him a bottle and it stopped. And I think them being frustrated with baby noise is completely acceptable. But I just don't understand why banging so instantly would help. If I were doing CIO, I would understand. But we never did CIO. He's always been a solid sleeper. If it were some sort of elective sound like a stereo, sure. But it's not like I had warning that he was going to wake up upset and could...
Talk : : February 26, 2012
Dear upstairs neighbor: Thanks so much for pounding your floor at 3am to give me the heads up that there was a wailing teething 9 month old in my apartment. I was actually aware. Every other night he sleeps 12 hours straight. You couldn't let one night go?
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | More02.26.12, 01:26 AM Flag ]Lived below the most obnoxious family with a 9 year old precious singleton who they let skateboard across their house all hours of the night. When confronted they sincerely had no idea why we were upset. Trust me, whatever us happening inside your apartment and what your neighbors are putting up with is much much worse than you imagine it is.
[ Reply | More ]02.26.12, 04:31 AM FlagOther people don't care to be awake at 3 am on account of your/your kids' noise.
[ Reply | More ]02.26.12, 04:43 AM Flaghow about an apology? your kid woke your neighbor at 3am. what's wrong with you?
[ Reply | More ]02.26.12, 05:07 AM FlagDon't apologize for standard BABY behavior. You've done nothing wrong.
[ Reply | More ]02.26.12, 05:10 AM Flagoh jesus christ. you live in a community. while op didn't do anything WRONG with a crying kid, she should certainly be aware that her child's behavior impacted others. if my kid cries on a bus, i apologize. i didn't MAKE him cry, but it doesn't mean those around me aren't entitled to an apology. same goes for middle of the night crying. what sort of an entitled self absorbed asshole doesn't see this?
[ Reply | More ]02.26.12, 05:15 AM Flag
OP: Am I getting mildly flamed? Nice, I feel kind of accepted now on UB. :) I agree my tone sounded rude. I was just frustrated that they banged before I could even get across the room to the crib. So it wasn't sustained crying in any way. I picked him right up and soothed him and gave him a bottle and it stopped. And I think them being frustrated with baby noise is completely acceptable. But I just don't understand why banging so instantly would help. If I were doing CIO, I would understand. But we never did CIO. He's always been a solid sleeper. If it were some sort of elective sound like a stereo, sure. But it's not like I had warning that he was going to wake up upset and could have somehow gotten to him sooner. And fwiw we're very conscientious about baby noise. Rugs and mats cover our floors to combat dropped toys. We don't wear shoes in the apartment. I'm certain there's noise that I don't realize they hear, but we've been doing apartment living for a long time, so we're very mindful. I also don't ever complain about the freakishly loud sex they have on a regular basis. If they don't watch out, they might have a crying baby on their hands soon. :)
[ Reply | More ]02.26.12, 06:35 AM Flagwe're very conscientious about baby noise. Rugs and mats cover our floors to combat dropped toys. We don't wear shoes in the apartment. I'm certain there's noise that I don't realize they hear, but we've been doing apartment living for a long time, so we're very mindful. I also don't ever complain about the freakishly loud sex they have on a regular basis. If they don't watch out, they might have a crying baby on their hands soon. :)
[ Reply | More ]02.26.12, 06:38 AM Flag
The longer i live here (new york city). the more confused i get....do people think they are living in the country where the only sounds are the buzzing of bees and the rustling of leaves as the wind blows.... sounds nice right? this is nyc and there are all types of noises at all hours of the day and night. I've lived here my whole life and have dealt with fighting and screaming neighbors, alarms, babies, etc., and i live with it all. I've always been accommodating, but when i had children i did not get the same consideration back-- I'm not talking about isolated incidences, I'm talking about normal levels of "noise" at "normal" hours--I had the worst next door neighbors-- they never left the apt so you can imagine, every sound we made bothered them--and i mean every sound--one time i put the blender on, and they called the police!!
[ Reply | More ]02.26.12, 09:01 AM Flag
[+] How do I get my 2.5 year old to sleep until later? She had been sleeping from 9-7 for... 11 replies
- Buy the tot clock and then enforce it. the clock works like an alarm that let's them know when they are allowed to get out of bed. If you let them, they will ignore it, but if you stick with it for a few days (think of it like cio - short term issue for long term gain) they will follow. It doesn't work well if the dc are sharing a room....
Talk : : February 20, 2012
How do I get my 2.5 year old to sleep until later? She had been sleeping from 9-7 for about a year, but recently has been waking up at 5:30am. Is this just something I must accept and deal with, or is it something I can change? I am getting seriously sleep deprived because I work late until about 12:30, then sleep around 1.
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | More02.20.12, 05:24 PM Flag ]Buy the tot clock and then enforce it. the clock works like an alarm that let's them know when they are allowed to get out of bed. If you let them, they will ignore it, but if you stick with it for a few days (think of it like cio - short term issue for long term gain) they will follow. It doesn't work well if the dc are sharing a room.
[ Reply | More ]02.20.12, 05:27 PM Flag
[+] If you did CIO, how many hours did db cry and how many nights? 12 replies
- I did CIO when db was 6.5mo (per ped's advice). First night - 20min crying. Second night - 5 min...to try anything before deciding whether or not it's working. Letting her CIO was terrible and caused us huge stress but it was the right thing...he was 12 mo and I was so exhausted I said no more. CIO was like a two or three night thing then and was hard but...
- We started CIO at 4 mo. Db cried for 1 hr the first night, then...
Talk : : February 20, 2012
If you did CIO, how many hours did db cry and how many nights?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | More02.20.12, 04:31 PM Flag ]3 months. first night 45 minutes, second around 30, done by the third day. No issue after that. First night was the worst - had to wear headphones.
[ Reply | More ]02.20.12, 04:59 PM FlagI'm sorry, I rarely bite at these posts, but OP, if your dc is 3 mos or younger, please do not try CIO. This is WAY too young to teach self-soothing. Ask any reputable pediatrician. 45 minutes of crying at 3 mo old is really pushing it. I don't want to sound judgmental towards OR, but I'm sorry, it's way too young IMO, since OP asked.
[ Reply | More ]02.20.12, 05:48 PM Flag
Just under 5 months. My DD cried a long, long time. Longer than the other posters. (She has, as my ped said, "an extraordinary amount of stamina.") And, it took more than one night-- it was a gradual improvement over 1-2 weeks, though after 3 nights we saw progress and after one week we saw huge progress. Don't be discouraged if the problem isn't resolved in 3 nights! I think people for whom it takes longer are just less likely to talk about it. My pediatrician said two weeks is a reasonable amount of time to try anything before deciding whether or not it's working. Letting her CIO was terrible and caused us huge stress but it was the right thing for her and I have absolutely no regrets. At 6 months she now goes down easily and usually sleeps all night. (BTW we had tried Ferber first and checking in on her only made it worse.)
[ Reply | More ]02.20.12, 05:21 PM FlagNp: that sinus exactly like our experience when we tried Ferber at aroun
[ Reply | More ]02.20.12, 05:44 PM Flag^^^^ iPad ugh anyway, we tried Ferber at 6 mo and it was horrific. We gave up after much fighting between DH and I. I continued to get up at night with db until he was 12 mo and I was so exhausted I said no more. CIO was like a two or three night thing then and was hard but not bad. Maybe 30 min the first night. Next baby I'm doing it at 6 mo and not looking back.
[ Reply | More ]02.20.12, 05:46 PM Flag
We started CIO at 4 mo. Db cried for 1 hr the first night, then less and less the following nights. It took about 1 week or less to get db used to the bedtime routine. At 5 mo we started nap training. We only allowed her to cry for 1 hr max for naps. Then kept trying until she got used to it. It took about 1-2 weeks for nap training. Db is over 1 yo now. No regrets. It is so worth The effort! Good luck!
[ Reply | More ]02.20.12, 05:58 PM Flag
[+] 4mo db slept through the night last night and didn't eat between 7:30pm and 6:15am. A... 15 replies
- OP here thanks all!! This is actually something she learned, I sleep trained her last week. Before that she was waking all the time. I let her CIO for just a couple of minutes in the middle of the night last night and she slept through till morning so I guess I might've cut her habit of waking up for an ounce of milk. Very smart baby ;-)...
Talk : : February 17, 2012
4mo db slept through the night last night and didn't eat between 7:30pm and 6:15am. Am I suppose to wake her or is it possible they're just not hungry in the middle of the night, even that young?
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | More02.17.12, 07:51 PM Flag ]No, do not wake her. Unless of course weight has been a concern--if that's so, ask Ped.
[ Reply | More ]02.17.12, 07:53 PM FlagMy DB was sleeping through the night from 6 weeks on (he would eat his last feeding around 10pm and sleep until 5am/6am - we were thrilled he then put himself on a schedule where his last feeding was at 7pm(around 3-4 months) and woke up at 5:30am/6am - you and DB are golden - enjoy the sleep!!!
[ Reply | More ]02.17.12, 07:56 PM Flag
From my sample of two, agree - she's not a newborn who needs wakening. She's capable of letting you know she's hungry. Get down on your knees and thank the deity of your choosing that she sleeps this long.
[ Reply | More ]02.17.12, 08:01 PM FlagWow you are one of the lucky ones. Enjoy your sleep and do NOT wake up that little one ;-) BTW, in a couple more months, db might start teething and will go back to waking up a lot in the night :-/ at least that was my experience. My dd also slept longer periods (not as long as your db) at 4 mos. And then up every few hours when started teething. GL!
[ Reply | More ]02.17.12, 08:16 PM FlagOP here thanks all!! This is actually something she learned, I sleep trained her last week. Before that she was waking all the time. I let her CIO for just a couple of minutes in the middle of the night last night and she slept through till morning so I guess I might've cut her habit of waking up for an ounce of milk. Very smart baby ;-)
[ Reply | More ]02.17.12, 08:48 PM Flag
[+] 4 month DD goes down beautifully at night but absolutely HATES naps. Trying CIO for t... 6 replies
Talk : : February 16, 2012
4 month DD goes down beautifully at night but absolutely HATES naps. Trying CIO for the naps as we speak. Anyone have experience? Will this mess up the amazing night time sleep?
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | More02.16.12, 01:14 PM Flag ]Yep just last week same age. Don't worry it won't mess up nighttime. Make sure db is super tired when going down. She will cry for a few days but it will get better. Naps suck because you don't know how long they'll nap for and when they wake you're unsure of whether they'll go back to sleep. My 4mo typically goes back down 2.5 hours after waking up from the last nap. Be consistent, calm and firm and it will work out. The Weissbluth book helps alot. GL!
[ Reply | More ]02.16.12, 01:18 PM FlagI followed Weissbluth and for naps he recommends letting them cry for an hour, then go and get them (if they seem sleepy at that point, you can put them back down and see what happens but do not let cry for more than 15 mins or so). Shouldn't affect night sleep. Agree with above poster that naps should occur after about 2-3 hours of wake time (i.e. if she's waking at 7 AM, back for a nap by 9ish; waiting too long will make her overtired and have a harder time falling asleep).
[ Reply | More ]02.16.12, 01:27 PM Flag-
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[+] I fear I am out myself but here it goes. 5 mo old db screams when MIL goes near him,... 30 replies
- dh has not agreed to it with his mother but told me he thinks it may be good. MIL believes in letting CIO but we are against. DS is a calm baby except with her. He is fine with FIL fwiw...
Talk : : February 12, 2012
I fear I am out myself but here it goes. 5 mo old db screams when MIL goes near him, picks him up or talks to him. She has now asked me to let him have a "sleepover" at their place so that he can get over his deal with her. I dont want to do this - dh feels that she is just trying to bond with him and we should let her - what would you do?
30 replies [ Reply | Watch | More02.12.12, 07:09 PM Flag ]My dd was like this with my mom. She was just super clingy and my mom tried too hard, was always picking her up, etc. We went away for the weekend and when we came back dd was mad for grandma. It worked.
[ Reply | More ]02.12.12, 07:11 PM FlagI think you and dh should come, but more ensure would be great. #1 was like this with my mother and lots of other people (ok when ear, but not if picked up, left alone, ect) we went to Miami together at 9 months and after 5 days, her separation anxiety was Much better.
[ Reply | More ]02.12.12, 07:13 PM FlagI would tell my DH that if he wanted to take our DB to his parents' house for the night, I'd be okay, as long as DG agreed that he would be watchful, hands-on and intervene as often as necessary. But this would only work if your really trusted that your DH just wouldn't hand your DB over to his mom and let them "bond" no matter how it upset our DB. Luckily my DH would never have put me in this position.
[ Reply | More ]02.12.12, 07:14 PM FlagThat would terrorize him. Let him go with your DH, and -- as others said -- your DH needs to be 'there' if Db needs him.
[ Reply | More ]02.12.12, 07:17 PM FlagI would not do it. Every db is different and if yours is scared of your MIL then help him bond with her, slowly. You could really upset your db, and for what? MIl's ego? Invite M
[ Reply | More ]02.12.12, 07:21 PM Flagwould NEVER subject my baby to a night of screaming with someone he's not yet comfortable with. babies go through little phases of anxiety about people. my first wouldn't let my MIL anywhere near her at that age, and MIL came over every week to spend time. eventually she passed through the phase and grew to adore her grandma. she's 5 now, they're thick as thieves. tell your MIL that you feel her pain, but it's your baby's pain you need to respect more, and to be patient and DB will come around.
[ Reply | More ]02.12.12, 07:22 PM Flagno. no one would ask to do that if they had an ounce of good intuition. I would never allow it. You don't need to be rude or cold about it but YOU ARE THE MOTHER. Don't let people pressure you to make them feel better. Have her sleep over and be with you and the dh and the baby.
[ Reply | More ]02.12.12, 07:23 PM FlagYour DH is so not into you. He wants to give your baby to his mom. And you're considering this. You need to nip this nonsense OP. Do him, db and yourself a favor and pretend to have boundaries, and eventually you'll have boundaries. Then, MIL will likely give up absurd fantasies about taking your baby, and stop making inappropriate requests. If she doesn't, you will blow her off. And you won't need to take a poll for validation. Take care of this now, or you're in for a rough road OP. You need to help dh separate, or you'll grow to resent him too much to stay married.
[ Reply | More ]02.12.12, 09:57 PM Flag
[+] 5 mo ds is regressing and wakes up screaming every hour during the night. Ped. sugges... 14 replies
- CIO will teach your child to soothe himself to sleep...that I just have to get used to the CIO idea and commit...
- I am anti CIO, though dd has made me really consider it. Now...
- Not a CIO fan by any means, but it woman who's...
- I just have to respond here-- courage? CIO teaches a kid to give up bc no one...
Talk : : February 10, 2012
5 mo ds is regressing and wakes up screaming every hour during the night. Ped. suggested CIO..soothing him at 10, 20, 40, 80, 160, etc., minute intervals. Can talk, touch, adjust, but don't pick up. Just read an article that a woman successfully used ferber method, but now her kid won't cuddle. Don't know what to do. Also, for this method, does each duration start at t=0 (e.g., put kid down at 8, go in at 8:10, 8:20, 8:40, etc., or is it 8:10, 8:30, 9:10, etc.)?
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | More-
I doubt her kid doesn't cuddle because of CIO. As a matter of fact it sounds like a pile of horse shit to me... CIO will teach your child to soothe himself to sleep and will make you feel like a human being again. All it takes is courage.
[ Reply | More ]02.10.12, 06:00 PM FlagI just have to respond here-- courage? CIO teaches a kid to give up bc no one is coming to aid him. I admit, this may be necessary for many parents who have to work it he a.m., etc. and must make their sleep needs trump the needs, emotional or otherwise, of db, so I don't fault those who use CIO. But please don't imply that those of us opposed to it lack courage, that's ridiculous.
[ Reply | More ]02.11.12, 07:00 AM Flag
5 MO is likely teething or going through a growth spurt. Comfort and feed if necessary. Don't go in immediately - give it 5 or even 10 min.. longer than that, go in and comfort - feed if you feel he's hungry. Tylenol if you think he's teething (red cheeks, diaper rash, chewing on everything??) I'm not against CIO- very against running in every time they fuss - but there's def. something in the middle. You're the mom - you know the cries. If he's in real distress, go in and comfort!
[ Reply | More ]02.10.12, 06:01 PM FlagOP: went to dr. today to make sure he was ok...has had an ear infection in past. Dr. said he was fine and no sign of teething. No growth spurt that I can tell. Got rid of his swaddle last week. Went through 3 nights of hell, great on day 4, every night since is getting progressively worse. Got rid of swaddle because he was breaking out - we had used the miracle blanket.
[ Reply | More ]02.10.12, 06:07 PM Flag-
probably, but I'm told that I'm establishing a pattern of coming in and picking him up to calm him (he won't settle otherwise...trust me I tried. Often times the only way he doesn't scream is to put him in the swing. I think that I just have to get used to the CIO idea and commit...it is just not my first choice, but I'm obviously not making progress...not looking forward to it.
[ Reply | More ]02.10.12, 06:23 PM FlagI hate to say this, being the de-binkying mom tonight, but that's how my two got through this stage. They used binkies as tiny infants, lost interest, and then at 4-6 months - WAH! If a feeding and a snuggle didn't soothe them, binky did. Yes, we had separation issues a year (or two) down the road, but it apparently was a devlopmental stepping stone they needed. To each his own.
[ Reply | More ]02.10.12, 07:45 PM Flag
I am anti CIO, though dd has made me really consider it. Now that I've outted myself on my POV, I just want to say that your ped has no expertise or special, magic wisdom on sleep training. Just bc they are docs doesn't make their word gospel on this, they can only tell you that it's not an ear infection so train if you want. Every hour waking sounds like pain, not habit, IMO. Go w your gut. And, btw, teething pain can be excruciating long before you can see bulging gums and other signs. GL
[ Reply | More ]02.10.12, 06:44 PM FlagNot a CIO fan by any means, but it woman who's kid won't cuddle
[ Reply | More ]02.10.12, 07:49 PM Flag
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[+] 9 mo keeps standing up in her crib and then can't get back down. I keep going in to p... 8 replies
- When we did cio at 9 months ds sometimes fell asleep standing and slumped down as he slept. When she gets tired enough, it will happen....
Talk : : February 06, 2012
9 mo keeps standing up in her crib and then can't get back down. I keep going in to put her back down but she stands up again almost immediately and starts screaming. She so desperately needs a nap. What do I do? Leave her in the hopes she'll fall down before our time for a nap is up, or keep going in to help her down?
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | More02.06.12, 10:47 AM Flag ]leave her (if you can handle the crying). she'll eventually go down.
[ Reply | More ]02.06.12, 10:48 AM Flagi'm going through the same thing now. i usually go in to feed db one or two ozs to calm him down, then leave him. usually he comes down.
[ Reply | More ]02.06.12, 10:51 AM Flagop: Thank you for the advice. She's never come down before -- this is the first day she's done this. I fear that if I try to feed her, she'll fall asleep immediately and then she'll get all worked up again when I try to transfer her. The whole situation is so pathetic.
[ Reply | More ]02.06.12, 10:55 AM Flag
It's amazing how quickly you forget things (I have an 18 month old) but the same exact thing happened. I agree with leaving her at one point DH went in and held her down gently she was really exhausted, it was bedtime. Within a few days she got the hang of it. Also, make sure that your crib is now on a lower (or even the lowest setting).
[ Reply | More ]02.06.12, 10:59 AM Flagmy db is 11mo. when she learned to pull herself up at 8-9mo she did the exact same thing. Usually I do not let her cry for more than 1 hr when putting her down for naps. I usually go in to lay her down once or twice, but i do it quickly without looking at her. if she is still crying, I'll feed her to calm her down. if she is still crying after an hr, then I take her out and wait for the next nap. if naps are missed then i put her to bed early that day. eventually she learned to come down herself and does not cry much before naps now. hang in there.
[ Reply | More ]02.06.12, 11:37 AM Flag
[+] Anybody on whose DB slept really well early on? how early? Which # DC 17 replies
- DS and DD were raised the same way - no CIO or sleep training, bf, attention at night if seemed necessary. DS is an awesome sleeper, and was born that way. DD was the kind of baby who would scream intensely the minute she was out of our arms (awake or asleep), and is still a...
Talk : : February 01, 2012
Anybody on whose DB slept really well early on? how early? Which # DC
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | More02.01.12, 06:27 PM Flag ]Mom of 4 here. First slept terribly because we did not know what we were doing and spoiled her terriv
[ Reply | More ]02.01.12, 06:29 PM FlagSorry...terribly (picked her up at slightest whimper etc.). Next 3 sleep great. When they were fussy we knew they were tired and let them put themselves to sleep from day 1.
[ Reply | More ]02.01.12, 06:31 PM Flag-
Since I started when they were young ( few days old), they would only fuss a few minutes. If they ever really screamed at this age, I would know that there was a real issue and pick them up to figure it out. I always tried to put them down awake. To this day, 2
[ Reply | More ]02.01.12, 06:36 PM Flag
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DC #1 sleep well from the beginning. He slept in our room one night and I knew I'd be listening and responding to every sound and whimper. Moved him to crib on night 2. (No baby monitor in those days) He slept in long stretches, probably 6 or 7 hours at 6 weeks. DC #2 not so much. BF both.
[ Reply | More ]02.01.12, 07:00 PM FlagWe let DB fuss for a few minutes and then he'd soothe himself. If he was really crying, then we'd comfort him but DH convinced me to let him cry himself to sleep and it worked like a charm. DB is 1yo now and has been sleeping for 10-12 hours straight for close to 9 months. Occasionally he wakes up if he drops his pacifier but goes back to sleep once we put it back in his mouth.
[ Reply | More ]02.01.12, 07:14 PM FlagDS and DD were raised the same way - no CIO or sleep training, bf, attention at night if seemed necessary. DS is an awesome sleeper, and was born that way. DD was the kind of baby who would scream intensely the minute she was out of our arms (awake or asleep), and is still a light sleeper. She has gotten a lot better over the years, though. Our best friends have two DDs, one a great sleeper and the other not. Same "parenting techniques" used with both.
[ Reply | More ]02.01.12, 07:27 PM Flag
[+] Jeesh 15wo only sleeps while being held (naps and nighttime). How do I transition her... 26 replies
- CIO and "sleep training" are for moms who don't want to be inconvenienced by their very own living, breathing, crying DBs....
- a good "schedule" (whether she is sleeping in a swing, your arms, etc) for a few days before you try anything drastic. Know your baby, some do great with CIO, some not so much. GL...
Talk : : January 31, 2012
Jeesh 15wo only sleeps while being held (naps and nighttime). How do I transition her to crib? I need a plan of action and I'm not against CIO so no flames thanks!
26 replies [ Reply | Watch | More01.31.12, 06:37 PM Flag ]Relax. This is not going to last forever. I'd recommend reading "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" for a nice, gentle practical approach.
[ Reply | More ]01.31.12, 06:41 PM Flag-
OP here it didn't work for #1 either. I was very successful with Ferberizing at 6mo but have heard and read I can start at 16wo.
[ Reply | More ]01.31.12, 06:46 PM Flagyou probably can but........i personally find it very young. But then my dd did sleep in the crib but after me walking and singing to her for 40 mins. And I did this 2-3 times a day. Not sure how I will deal when DB#2 comes along
[ Reply | More ]01.31.12, 06:48 PM Flag#1 is 17mo and very spirited... I don't have that luxury :-(
[ Reply | More ]01.31.12, 06:51 PM Flag
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This was me. You just have to do it. My son only napped in my arms. He will get it eventually but it will be rough on you for a while. I think we let him cry for 2 mins, then started building up. Good to have a set routine before naps and sleep. We always did a bottle which made him sleep and helped.
[ Reply | More ]01.31.12, 06:42 PM FlagDo you mean she wakes up when you move her to the crib or that she needs to be held only to fall asleep initially?
[ Reply | More ]01.31.12, 06:47 PM Flagi started sleep training at 4 months. weissbluth's method worked wonders for my db. took about 1 week of CIO.
[ Reply | More ]01.31.12, 06:48 PM Flag-
Have you tried the Rock n Play or even a Pack n Play? My DD wouldn't sleep in the crib until she was seven months old; it was too big for her. We did the RnP till she could roll, which was a lifesaver, and then the PnP, and finally the crib.
[ Reply | More ]01.31.12, 06:53 PM FlagCIO and "sleep training" are for moms who don't want to be inconvenienced by their very own living, breathing, crying DBs.
[ Reply | More ]01.31.12, 06:56 PM FlagI would read Weissbluth re: tips for a good schedule & cues to look for when your baby is sleepy. If you do this, then you may be able to put her down awake but drowsy without "crying" per se. I was able to do this with DB #2 with a pacifier in her mouth & I would just talk softly to her (even just counting in a soft voice) to get her to fall asleep. DB #1 wanted to be held all the time & would only fall asleep in my arms. I followed Sears approach to wait until he was in deep sleep (is the arm limp when you lift it up) & then put him down in the crib then & he would not cry. Usually this was 15 minutes after he would fall asleep. My mother who is a nurse, also told me a PT trick for putting babies in their crib (especially if her Moro reflex is still bad). As soon as you place the baby down, place your hand on their belly for pressure so they don't feel like they are falling back. Then slowly release the arms & legs. I would focus on really knowing your babies sleep cues & getting her on a good "schedule" (whether she is sleeping in a swing, your arms, etc) for a few days before you try anything drastic. Know your baby, some do great with CIO, some not so much. GL
[ Reply | More ]01.31.12, 09:49 PM Flag
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