03.16.2012 Jennifer Lopez’s Manager Isn’t Going to be Jennifer Lopez’s Manager Much Longer

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Benny Medina is a high powered manager of celebrity clientele with a resume boasting not only JLo, but also Diddy and Tyra Banks amongst others. His rise to power most likely came from his ability to handle the gentle egos of pop stars by tactfully responding to the press about sensitive personal issues. Here’s his response to a question about Lopez’s boyfriend who is 18 years younger than her, via New York Post:

The thing that I always sort of wished is that she would give herself time to just naturally meet someone, instead of having obsessive guys pursue her,” says Medina. “The ease with which that obsession becomes a relationship I think sometimes works against her ability to have a real meaningful relationship.

Nicely done. So, JLo likes a completely superficial facade of a relationship based solely on a young man’s desire to boast to his friends about hitting that from behind. Check out the kid gloves Medina used on his past clients:

On Diddy’s famous “White Parties”:

I’ve always wanted to plan a lavish affair without having to be subtle about how much cocaine will be around, but I’ve never had anyone willing to attach their name to it.

On singer Brandy’s transportation needs:

Never, under any circumstances, give her the keys to anything with an engine.

Did I include shots of how Marc Anthony’s penis has been passing the time since JLo starting here? Yes, yes I did.


(Image Source = Shannon De Lima’s Twitter, Splash News)

03.16.2012 George Clooney Got Arrested

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George Cloney getting arrested will probably be the biggest story of the day even though it wasn’t for something really macho like throwing a cell phone like a girl while wearing girl’s clothing. It’s important to point out that Clooney’s manager had a prepared statement for the press, so it’s likely that this whole incident was anticipated, if not intentional to heighten awareness of an important cause. via TMZ:

They were protesting the violence committed by the government of Sudan on its own innocent men, women and children. They were demanding they allow humanitarian aid into the country before it becomes the largest humanitarian crisis in the world.

The arrest follows Clooney’s testimony before Congress on Wednesday, where he points out the disgusting fact that the only way to get China to intervene (not for humanitarian purposes, mind you, but solely for their reliance on Sudanese oil) is from timely U.S. pressure. It’s time for America to go to bat for a worthy international cause and while we’re at it, let’s not for get to recognize what a sweet piece of ass(below) a geriatric can get just for being a fabulously wealthy and handsome actor. USA! USA!


(Image Source = Getty, Splash News)

03.16.2012 Lady Gaga is Concerned About Her Privacy

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At first I thought story about Lady Gaga “quitting the press,” whatever the hell that means, was total horseshit because vaginas don’t photograph themselves and I’m pretty certain that if hers isn’t in print once a month it seals up forever. Here’s part of the conversation between possibly the two biggest media whores of all time via AOL Music:

Other than this interview, Oprah, I do not intend to speak to anyone for a very long time,” the singer told the media mogul. “No press, no television, if my mom calls and says, ‘Did you hear about …’ I shut it all off … I don’t read a damn thing.

She continued, “Just like you Oprah, I’m retiring from the spotlight. From now on you’ll only see me producing other artists under a moniker plastered with my name but from time to time I’ll conduct exclusive interviews which will be heavily marketed and in actuality the only content anyone is still interested in from me. But other than that, completely off the radar.”


(Image Source = Terry Richardson)

03.16.2012 January Jones Represents Hard-Working Single Moms Now

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I’ll pause for a moment so all of the other single moms can put down their champagne glass and hand off their child to an army of Filipino housekeepers to get the scoop here. via Us Weekly:

I was back when the baby was only 6 or 7 weeks old so it was difficult,” the actress, 34, told Us Weekly about her return to the set at Mad Men’s Season 5 premiere in Hollywood Wednesday. “It was difficult to be a working mom and just juggling all of that. But everyone made it work and it was great.

To be honest this is an easily attacked line we hear from just about every celebrity mom, but in the case of an ice-hearted bitch whose illegitimate pregnancy almost broke up a marriage, it’s hard not to draw attention to it. Also, let’s not forget that January’s character on ‘Mad Men’ last season had about a collective half hour of screen time, so unless they left a ton on the cutting room floor (yes, I believe they still edit film reels with scissors while chain-smoking) I’m sure she wasn’t exactly putting in 16 hour days.


(Image Source = Bauer-Griffin, Getty, Splash News)

03.16.2012 ‘Dark Shadows’ Has a Trailer, Suprise It’s Terrible

It’s no secret that Tim Burton no longer directs a film without casting his wife, Johnny Depp Helena Bonham Carter. There are a few other things that you can almost always count on from Tim, all of which appear in the new trailer for ‘Dark Shadows.’

- Recycled dark set pieces from ‘Edward Scissorhands,’ ‘Beetlejuice,’ ‘Batman,’ ‘Sleepy Hollow,’ ‘Sweeney Todd…’
- An awful, dry joke with a reaction shot of Johnny raising an eyebrow. (What a card!)
- 70’s funk and rock. Ok, admittedly this is not a consistent element of Burton’s films but warrants mention in this case because, seriously Barry fucking White?! At this point Depp should just be mugging directly to the camera with a line like “If they think Nixon is bad, wait’ll they get a loada me.”

Oh look, Eva Green is in this movie and has fantastic breasts, so at least there’s that.


(Image Source = Getty)

03.15.2012 Nicki Minaj in a Bikini

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Welcome to only the second time Nicki Minaj has ever gotten her own post here. The first was when she said good morning to America using her nipples and now she’s wearing a bikini with a bottom made of enough fabric to tarp a boat. Note that none of this has to do with her inexplicably popular music or the fact that she’s ever done anything newsworthy other than being mostly naked in public. That being said, I’m sure upon reading this her publicist set to lubing the inside of her bra so we’ll be seeing her real soon.


(Image Source = Fame/Flynet, Splash News)

03.15.2012 Tag Heuer Paid Cameron Diaz To Put Watches Next to Her Face

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Bravo, money well spent.

Further proof of why Cameron Diaz shouldn’t be modeling anything but ski masks.


(Image Source = Getty, INFDaily, Splash News)

03.15.2012 It Costs Jennifer Aniston 141K a Year to Look This Good

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According to a website called Shine via New York Post, it costs a shit-ton of cash to still not compare to Angelina Jolie:

Jennifer Aniston was recently dubbed the “Hottest Woman of All Time” by Men’s Health magazine but, according to a new report, the “Wanderlust” spends $141, 037 a year maintaining her appearance.

Sure you could say the math in that article doesn’t in any way add up to $141,000, or even that I deliberately picked shots of her not looking her best. And you would be right on both accounts, but how is any of that is ever going make Brad Pitt forget that her vagina is a dusty chamber of sadness from which only Gerard Butler and he have escaped only to be driven directly to that succubus whore?


(Image Source = Getty, Pacific Coast News)

03.15.2012 Selena Gomez & Vanessa Hudgens Are in Bikinis Part 2

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I noticed in yesterday’s ‘Spring Breakers’ post that I forgot to mention that Ashley Benson is also in this movie. But it seems that even the paparazzi don’t care about her because she’s literally in five of these shots. Only one of which shows anything but her face, which by the look of these production candids will have little to do with the plot of this movie. ‘What if they decide to rob the bank wearing bikinis?!’ is almost definitely something that was said during a table read.


(Image Source = INFDaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News)

03.15.2012 Ice Cube Knows What’s Really Going on Here

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Channing Tatum may be the worst actor of all time, but he somehow managed to talk his way into Jenna Dewan’s arms and more importantly, vagina. So the guy deserves a modicum of credit. That is, until he basically got outed by Ice Cube who costars with Channing and Jonah Hill in ‘21 Jump Street.’ via People:

White men love bro-mances, man,” costar Ice Cube says with a laugh. “They are very into it. God bless ‘em. Hopefully they’ll be happy together.

Wow. It’s one thing for Ice Cube to insinuate that these two are about to embark on a homosexual life union (which they are, without question), but to toss out a stereotype about all white men based on one quite obviously gay relationship is taking it a little far, no? It wouldn’t be fair if I said all black people love Tyler Perry movies just because all of you love them. That’s racism.


(Image Source = Getty, Splash News)

03.15.2012 Cissy Houston Doesn’t Believe in True Love

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Yesterday we learned that Nick Gordon went on Twitter to publicly announce that he’s banging Bobbi Kristina, daughter of the late Whitney Houston, who also happened to be Nick’s “adoptive mother” for all intents and purposes. He then denied it exclusively to ABCNews, a move that doesn’t at all sound like someone’s shopping a story around and/or isn’t a colossal lie as proven by this video.

Now their public grab-ass session has not only confirmed any speculation about their relationship, but also royally pissed off Cissy Houston, Whitney’s mom. And with good reason. Whitney cashed in her future on some rock and a waste of life partner. Bobbi’s already got the former covered and looks to be humpin’ around on her brother. See what I did there? They’re siblings who fuck.


(Image Source = Splash News)

03.15.2012 I Found Brendon!

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Wait. Nevermind. It’s just Kellan Lutz.


(Image Source = Splash News)