The Sherman Dodge Sign

Big is beautiful. Since the days of Manifest Destiny and the Texas-sized struggle to fence in the West's endless dusky vistas, Americans have hungered for the vast and uncontained.

These days, much of California is a resource-guzzling megalopolis and even the barren salt flats of Utah are swarmin' with Mormons. But we're still driving SUVs, making the important decision to get our food supersized and watching Anna Nicole Smith do her big oversized thing, whatever that may be, exactly.

Didn't she marry a Texas millionaire, come to think of it...?

Perhaps its memories of the buffalo — "the supermarket of the prairie" — that make us associate big size with big value. And maybe it's just this sort of thinking that caused Sherman Dodge of Skokie, Ill. to dub itself "the nation's largest Dodge dealership."

Except that, by their own admission, they're not.

A Chicago commuter whipping past their billboard near Belmont and Clark could never read the little disclaimer. Even a pedestrian with 20/20 vision would be hard-pressed to pick it up.

But squint for long enough, and the truth becomes clear: Sherman Dodge is "out to be" the largest Dodge dealership in the United States. Ah. Aspirations to be big. Hopes of being the largest. Dreams of not getting sued by genuinely large, irate competitors. But is being merely big really such a great aspiration?

How about being the best Dodge dealership? Bland, sure, but it implies that the customer might pick up some of the earthy tangibles associated with being the "best" (qualities including but not limited to good prices, friendly service and free coffee on the display floor).

How about being the sexiest Dodge dealership? Disturbingly vague, sure. But it's nothing a good art director and PR team can't clear up.

No one wants to be known as the weirdest Dodge dealership, nor the kinkiest, nor the hairiest, nor the "most totally reckless." But lots of positive superlative adjectives remain, and the good news is that they're subjective, unlike "biggest" which can actually be measured to some extent.

But until Sherman Dodge steps up to the challenge and chooses a more appropriate adjective for itself, they'll just have to stick with the obvious: Weaseliest.

— James Norton (jrnorton@flakmag.com)