The 1,001 Worries of Sarah Palin

This morning's New York Times opened up a big ol' treasure chest of Sarah Palin-related news tidbits, running down a list of actual or potential hurdles to the Alaska Governor's race to the Naval Observatory.

There's a lot to keep straight. In fact, recalling the Simpsons episode wherein Mr. Burns learns that he has so many diseases that he is essentially healthy due to gridlock, none of the following tiffs and scandals may mean much, ultimately: there's just too much going on.

That said, here's a rundown of much of what's floating around, along with a perceived and actual damage index, ranked from 1 to 10. A 1 is equivalent to Roger Clinton, 10 is Gart Hart on the Monkey Business.

Hubby Has a DUI
Face Value: 2
Real Value: 0

The Times revaled that Todd Palin was busted 22 years ago for drinking and driving. So un-interesting it shouldn't even be news. If Sarah Palin herself had been busted for DUI, once, decades ago, that would have been marginally interesting but ultimately not worth dwelling on. But it doesn't speak to any kind of significant pattern on the part of Palin or her husband.

Bristol Got Knocked up
Face Value: 7
Real Value: 2

Uh-oh! Sarah Palin's daughter is havin' a knock-up baby! Well, hold your horses, would-be capitalizers on this news. This is the natural consequence of Sarah Palin sticking to her politically popular "abstinence and ignorance only" convictions, and Sarah Palin is handling it as all conservatives would want to see it handled: Shotgun wedding, keep the baby, grit your teeth and make it work. No shame in any of that, and it actually enhances her conservative cred. If anything, this is a plus for her, except for the fact that it calls McCain's vetting process — if, at this point, we can call it that — into question.

Bristol is Trig's Real Mom
Face Value: 9
Real Value: 3

The Talking Points Memo presentation on how Bristol may be the REAL mom of Down Syndrome-having Trig Palin is at least somewhat convincing. For starters: Palin spent about 18 hours traveling from Texas, including multiple plane changes and a three-hour drive to her home town, in order to "give birth" to Trig in rural Alaska. Granted that hospitals in the lower 48 won't typically let you go through the birthing process on a polar bear rug while punching a moose.

Still, why endanger the child and mother by embarking on a massive Texas-to-Alaska journey? Perry Mason voice: Unless there was never a child to endanger in the first place!

So let's say that Trig is really Bristol's kid, and her Mom, Sarah, took ownership of the kid, quite possibly to stop her daughter from having the child aborted, or given up for adoption. So what? Taking on that kind of burden to help your own daughter (and a baby) is fundamentally sympathetic. Sure, there was a lot of public deception involved, but, hell — it's a family thing.

Attacking Palin for this, if it in fact turns out to be true, is cruel without any clear purpose, and will likely backfire for anyone who attempts it.

Alaskan Independence Party Membership
Face Value: 3
Real Value: 2-6

The non-spectacular news that Sarah Palin was a member of the Alaskan Independence Party for a couple years in the '90s gets more interesting when you learn that the party was associated with advocating the state's secession. That's not only "eccentric," to be polite, but bad form for a woman now interested in being the second-ranking person in government. It does enhance her maverick status, but not necessarily in a good way — the party has rubbed shoulders with neo-Confederates.

If Palin can be tied to Independence Party loopyness — and the Democratic equivalent of Karl Rove is working on it, if he or she actually exists — this could wind up hurting her. It depends on what comes up, and how it's used. The fact that she provided a video address to the party's convention this year doesn't much help matters, either.

For the Bridge to Nowhere Before She Was Against It
Face Value: 6
Real Value: 6

It's politics as usual: A politician truthfully claims to have stood up against something bad but also, as it turns out, once supported that same bad thing. Welcome to politics. That said: A shiny faced maverick unknown distinguished for standing up to the powers-that-be will be hurt when it turns out that she didn't so much "stand up" as "tack with the prevailing wind." Add to this: she hustled like crazy for earmarks while mayor of tiny Wasilla. On a similar note, Palin was an organizer of Sen. Ted "Corruption Inc." Stevens's 527 group.

Alaska Troopergate
Face Value: 7
Real Value: 2-10

A lot's at stake with the investigation of Palin's role in the firing of an Alaskan state trooper, her former brother-in-law. If she illegally manipulated government to punish an enemy, she loses the cute, clean, voice-of-change halo that McCain has attempted to imbue her with, and could actually face criminal charges. A lot is riding on the actual yet-to-be-determined facts of the matter, which makes this a ticking time bomb with an unknown payload. Again, one has to wonder about the vetting process and/or McCain's state of mind.

Should a Mother of Five Be Doing This?
Face Value: 4
Real Value: 8

One of the real sleeper issues that's just starting to emerge amid all the baby madness is whether mother-of-five (and mother of a Down Syndrome child) should be leaving her family in the care of others as she jets around on a punishing schedule. Palin's framed it as "family first" versus "country first," but, seriously: How is that going to play among the wives and mothers that Palin is supposed to be winning over? Look for this sticky debate to roil onward in all manner of guises for months to come.

Assuming, of course, that Palin sticks around as the GOP veep choice.