Congratulations!

I think if you’re using a pacifier at all, it is typically reducing suckling time, so it could affect the return of fertility.

You can ovulate before you have a period, so the best way to to determine the return of fertility is charting, keeping an eye out for fertile mucus.

BTW - Creighton Method considers only the first 56 days postpartum as infertile if exclusively breastfeeding. Six months seems like rather a long time to count on infertility without charting, although many women (myself included) have continued to be infertile for much longer.

Using a pacifier does mean that all the the “components” of ecological breastfeeding are not being fulfilled. That said, we didn’t own a pacifier with our oldest 4 kids, but both #5 and #6 used a pacifier for short car rides (i.e. carpool trips, to/from stores, etc) and I didn’t experience a return to fertility any earlier or differently than I did with my older kids (I average a return right around 14 mos).  Not only is each woman’s body different, but each baby is so very different as is each situation.
To keep me from losing my mind while driving the car (unavoidable in my case), I used a pacifier for those little trips, but we also began using a combination of STM and Marquette Method, just to be sure of what was going on with my cycles.
Congrats on your new bundle of sweet joy!!

I’ve heard of women who did all the components of ecological breastfeeding and still returned to fertility after only a few months. So it really does depend on your body, as Mary Kate said. My OB said I would still be able to see the mucus signs to know when my fertility returned, but like many others I had what seemed like constant mucus during breastfeeding, so it was extremely difficult to know what the heck was going on. Using a fertility monitor (ala the Marquette Method) is probably the best way I’ve heard of knowing when you ovulate before that first postpartum menses. (nfp.marquette.edu—they have a breastfeeding protocol). Good luck!

Thanks everyone!  I am not experiencing any mucus right now—nor do I remember experiencing any before my period returned with my last pregnancy/nursing… so it is helpful to hear that I should be able to use the usual mucus signs to determine the return of fertility if it happens before my 1st period.  (With my other pregnancy/nursing, my period returned right at 6 mos (three days after I introduced solids along with breastfeeding!), but I had thought I was infertile before then so did not chart.  News to hear it’s only the first 56 days!!  Good to know!)

We used the Marquette method while I was breastfeeding simply because we knew that women’s fertility can return regardless of breastfeeding status.  The Marquette method (utilizing a fertility monitor) worked great for us through breastfeeding 2 children.

We used a pacifier for my daughter and my fertility returned at 10 months. I was nervous, too, but we abstained if I ever had any mucous at all. And, because I was so nervous, I often used ovulation prediction sticks (bought off amazon.com) if I suspected that I could be ovulating, to double-check myself. That said, when I did ovulate, it was VERY obvious. I had very tender nipples and very fertile mucous. And, lo and behold, my period arrived exactly 2 weeks afterward. Best wishes, and congrats on your sweet newborn.

Prayers!!!  I cannot imagine your grief.  Again, prayers!  And hugs….

Dear Ashley,
Continued prayers for you & for your precious family!  May this coming Advent be a spiritually fruitful time for you all!  Christ’s peace!

I am so sorry. Best wishes with trying to conceive!

What color is the sky in his world? Sure I know women who are like clockwork but I can be anywhere from 28-37 days, usually 31-35.

Something is obtuse about the OB.  In my thirties, my cycles changed from their normal pattern of 29-33 days to 22-28 days.  And there is nothing abnormal here.

Eh? I’m 30 and in the past six months my cycles have been: 36, 33, 27, 30, 26, 22 days (hurrah for the iPhone period tracker!). There’s no obvious cause for the fluctuation, and I’m not that bothered by it - just one of my body’s quirks.

Post-ovulation length shouldn’t vary much for each woman; pre-ovulation can vary hugely - which is why the rhythm method didn’t work so well.  What does he do, not accept patients with pcos or postpartum changes or whatever?  Or maybe all his patients are on the pill, in which case yes, the length of their “cycle” (not a true cycle, it’s just a bleed due to the hormone shift, but not a real period) would be exactly the same every month.

Thank you ladies for affirming what I already thought. Anna, this is an NFP only doctor, so he isn’t seeing ladies on the pill. What he actually said was that unless the woman had PCOS or other health problems the cycles wouldn’t vary more than two days. But that still sounds like bunk to me given my experience (and the experience of the women here). Unfortunately, even though I am glad that he is NFP only, I wasn’t very impressed with his expertise.

lol!  And this guy is an OB?!?!  My cycles were WILD while I was breastfeeding my daughter.  Whether she was cutting teeth (read: nursing almost constantly) or we were visiting my parents (read: having too much fun at grandma and grandpa’s to nurse as much) seemed to have a big difference on the length of my cycle & whether or not it came that month at all.  Not to mention that my luteal phase was 6 days when my period first returned while nursing & did not extend to 9 days for *months* (and the only reason it didn’t work its way back up to its usual 11 or 12 days is because, um, I got pregnant before it had the chance!)  Now… this said, I would not write this guy off just YET.  Unless you have other reasons to be worried by him, why not present him with everyone’s evidence of variant cycles (ie, tell him you asked on a mom’s blog & got x-number of responses from women with widely-variant cycles) & ask him if maybe you misunderstood what he was trying to communicate?  Afterall, he may have mentally been excluding nursing moms, people with anorexic amenorrhea (which I had in high school—another reason for cycle craziness!), etc & only been referring to a certain segment of his patients.  Yeah, that’s a stretch… but I would still give him one chance to explain, given the obvious testimonials you now have from all of us here.  If he can’t explain himself in a way that makes you , though… well, then I would ditch him and find someone else!  Good luck…

24-32 days here.

Perhaps your doc has women mostly on birth control so their cycles are atrifically tampered with?

Christina, I think the man may be so daft because most of us just smile and nod at their stupidity.  However, the luteal phase tends to be relatively consistent - within about 2 days, so he got it partly right!  Our bodies are so subject to fatigue, stress, diet, and all sorts of other things.  Cycle lengths vary - month to month and year to year.

Well, I am not much for your case as I am usually 25 or 26 days. That said, he is wrong. Many of my close friends have very erratic cycles.

Natural remidies scare me on account of being too unregulated (ie, if I have a side-effect from them, what to tell my doc?  I drank six cups of such-and-such herbal tea or ate three scoops of this-or-that?  How strong was my tea?  How big were my scoops?  I would think he’d need to know an exact amount to determine the strength of my body’s sensitivity / allergy / reaction…)  So that is why I stay away, personally.  BUT my elderly neighbors swear by flax seed and believe it has helped them to maintain good health and fitness well into their old age.  They eat some in their yogurt every morning, from what I understand (though I do not know how much “some” is—can you tell I’m married to a mathematician who cares about exact numbers, lol?!).  That’s the best I can offer in terms of anecdotal evidence in favor of flax seed.  The neighbors really do swear by it, though…

I started taking flax oil supplements, originally 2 g per day. I’ve found it to be a help in regulating my cycle, and in reducing my very heavy periods. Oh, I should also mention that I up the flax oil to 3 g/day in the 2nd half of my cycle. I did find that when I ran out one month, and didn’t refill, my cycle was again very heavy…back on the flax oil, and things were better. I don’t remember off-hand, but my thought was that she recommended an even higher dose—but I decided to go with the lower dose and see if it had an effect. I have also heard that it is even better to grind fresh seed yourself, and add it to cereal, yogurt, etc. and that would be even better for your health. I doubt it could hurt to try it for say 2 months, and see if you notice a difference.

Bear Naked brand makes an oat cereal like granola that has flax seed in it, so I added that for the Omega 3 fatty acids.  I mix it with Greek yogurt - yum.  I have noticed no change and didn’t notice a change when I added vitamins either, but I’m waiting for time to tell.  I have read her book thoroughly, and have never taken supplements before, but I find her to be knowledgeable and trustworthy.

Flax seed oil is great and have never heard of any negative side effect.  I have always found Marilyn Shannon’s advice very helpful.  I’ve followed her suggestions for supplements for at least 10 years (and I have the 5 children after age 47 to prove it - lol!)

opps! that should read “after age 37”  not “47”;-)

Just wanted to say that flax seed needs to be ground up to receive the omegas.  If taken in bulk, it will just help with your digestion.   The best way to get the benefits is through freshly grinding them in your food processor and using fresh (sprinkle on cereal or oatmeal or put in smoothie) or taking a HIGH QUALITY flax supplemental oil. 

I just wanted to add my two cents about supplementation (I’m pretty passionate about this )  It is nearly impossilbe for us to get all the nutrients we need from our diet. The way our food is grown and processed; the environmental toxins and just physical stress we’re exposed to, well, our bodies just need more than we ever did (they’re working harder to process all this) and the fact that we’re just so busy that 9/10 americans are lacking key nutrients in their diet.

Okay, off soapbox.   It’s just amazing to me all the changes I’ve seen in people who have only supplemented nutrionally- once our bodies get the raw ingredients it needs to function (protein, vitamins, minerals, EFAs) so much can be straightened out by itself!

One thing that is important is which vitamin you choose. You do pay for the science and the ingredients. Personally, I would rather take none than take the synthetic vitamins produced in a lab that are sold at drugstores.  A lot of them don’t dissolve well or aren’t absorbed or even have additives to them. (I know a lot of people that when they change their brands feel a huge difference.)

Congratulations on getting married soon!!  

We abstained for our honeymoon & you know what?  I’m SO glad we did!  From what I understand (from our personal experience + the tearful phonecalls from a few shocked girlfriends of mine who have phoned me on their honeymoons), the “first time” for two virgins in their mid-twenties is no picnic.  At risk of TMI, it can be a bit painful for the girl & rather terrifying for the guy (who doesn’t want to look like a moron but actually has no idea what he’s doing <—- please don’t ever let him know you realize that, though!)  Anyways, while my husband and I were bummed to have to abstain during our honeymoon, in retrospect we were SO shocked by the un-movie-like quality of first intimacy, that it really was nice it did not interfere with our lovely honeymoon-vacation.  Now you may not be in that same boat as us… but if you are, I give you my personal story to fall back on if you decide that postponing pregnancy would be for the best.  Enjoy your honeymoon with your new husband, get used to all the other new experiences of marriage (like waking up to find someone IN YOUR ROOM!!!  Oh my gosh, for the first week I woke up in a cold sweat every night because I forgot I was married and was SURE someone was breaking into the hotel room!  It was my husband coming back from the bathroom… :s )  Doubtless your new husband will be bummed, but it is not so bad to kick off marriage with the experience of waiting just a liiiiiiiiiiitle bit longer for something you REALLY WANT on account of a much “greater good” to come (in this case, doing what’s best for your future family by abstaining now).  Congrats again & I hope your honeymoon is dreamy no matter what you decide in this regard!!

Hi Kim - prayers for you and your fiance during this wonderful time.  My husband and I have been married for 3 and a half years and were in a similar boat.  I actually could have written your post!   We were engaged 4 months after meeting and married 6 months later.   to top it all off, we were married 10 months before my husband was to start medical residency training.  We started taking NFP classes on the theory that the prudent thing to do would be to wait a couple years before having kids - I mean in residency pays very little and the schedule is crazy.  Anyway, we started taking NFP classes and my heart really started changing.  Admittedly part of it was the prospect of abstaining on our honeymoon, but another part of it was fear of NFP (we started taking Billings classes, which honestly really did not jive with my Type A personality at the time) and a growing strong desire to have a family (which surprised me).  Eventually my husband changed too and we decided a couple months before the wedding to let it go.  By all indicators we should have had a honeymoon baby, but we did not (although not long after we did conceive our wonderful son! ). This is all to say, I can empathize with how you feel.

Others may have different advice, but here’s mine:

(1) like my husband and me, it sounds like you have very just reasons to avoid pregnancy.  So really, whatever you decide, be at peace with this.  Practicing NFP will be difficult at times, but it’s a good hard when entered into purposefully and with trust in God’s grace.  Two children later, NFP has blessed our marriage more than I can express.
(2) if you and your fiance really discern that being totally open to God’s will for this part of your marriage is what you should do, then do it.  While we had very good and just reasons to avoid pregnancy, our hearts led us to choose another path. Having babies in residency wasn’t easy, but we love them and are SO grateful for them.  Pray and talk - only you two have the grace to make this decision.
(3) once you are married, remember that the beauty of NFP is that you don’t have to make hard and fast timelines about how long you should avoid pregnancy.  All God asks of us is to open our heart each cycle, consider each month (or so) what we think He is calling us to that cycle.  For me, this realization was tremendously freeing.  That is NOT to say NFP is all peaches and cream.  It’s not.  It can be very hard, BUT the sacrifice involved can bring incredible blessings and rectifies intentions.
(4) I’m not sure what method you are currently using, but we have found the Marquette Method (combination of fertility monitor and mucus observation) very useful.  We’ve had great success with it, particularly in narrowing down my actual fertile window (I never felt 100% comfortable with my mucus observations until I started using the fertility monitor to corroborate - also, for me at least, the temp sign was always delayed and thus lengthened my “fertile window” unnecessarily).  Ironically, developing a comfort level with NFP has in some ways enabled my husband and I to really focus on God’s will for our family rather than “am I reading this right?!?”

We’ll be praying for you!

P.S. ~ (I’m the annonymous from above) I did not mean to suggest you should not be “generous with God, “etc.  That is entirely your call with regard to what you and your new husband can honestly handle in terms of finances, change, etc.  But I just want to add that “so that we don’t have to abstain on the honeymoon” does not need to be a motivator to be open to conception.  I recommend making your decision no matter what impact it has on the honeymoon & hope my personal story above illustrated that honeymoon-abstinance does not have to be a grey cloud for you and your husband.  And if you do have to abstain, be sure to pack your days so full of sight-seeing that you’re happy to sleep all night & have something to DO all day. K, I’m done talking now…

We got married when I was just about 27 and my husband 30.  We dated for almost 2 years before marriage.  Neither of us was financially well established as he finished grad school at 28 and I finished my professional internship at 26.  We started marriage with minimal savings.  We had lived frugally but had invested money in our educations.

We took NFP classes prior to marriage.  We were both virgins when we married.  I had been on the birth control pill due to suspected endometriosis and it did a great job of controlling my symptoms with no side effects.  We took NFP classes about 6 months before marriage and I went off the pill.  Our big decision was whether to wait 6 months to conceive or start right away.  We wanted kids.  We felt we were older and we were ready to go.

We were fully aware that we were fertile on our honeymoon. I had a pre-conception physical prior to marriage and made sure to take a prenatal vitamin.  We came back expecting to be pregnant and we were.  We conceived our second and third 22 and 29 months apart.  There were no surprises and we conceived the first month we tried.  We really overestimated our own abilities and limitations because we had such a deep love for children and for God.

Those early years were very very hard.  I don’t have time to share the details but we were put thru the fire early on and not just with abstaining.  The reality is most couples find they need to abstain alot during breastfeeding.  The NFP classes were misleading.  We could not use NFP to space our kids and still have sex.  So whether you abstain during your honeymoon or not you may find you have lots of abstinance later.  We did not have the troubles others mentioned on our honeymoon.  My fertilty returned at 56-60 days with each child so again NFP classes were misleading promising some breastfeeding infertility.

We sometimes are envious of other couples who had couple time in their marriage before kids.  We had an enormous amount of stress in our marriage early on and it would have been helpful to not dive right into child bearing.  It did have an emotional and physical cost that took its toll.  On the other hand we would not trade our honeymoom baby for the world.  He is a gift.  Fortunately, we had a strong foundation and are very compatible.  We’ve seen other couples date for years and get married, use NFP to avoid conception for a time to settle into married life and then wind up getting divorce when the kids come along.  So having time together before kids does not necessarily correlate to a stronger marriage.  Other couples who thought they were just good at NFP realized they were infertile when it came time for them to try to conceive.  So we all have our stories and no one has the perfect plan.

We managed financially in the long run.  However, I have seen other couples be forever in the red without any emergency funds which does make life stressful.  The reality is it does cost money to raise of family and provide for kids.  Health insurance is costly.  There are home repairs and braces.  I don’t agree with some of the reports that come out about how much it costs to raise a child but at the same time it is hard to provide for a family in this economy and that does need to be taken into consideration.  Especially if you want one of you to stay at home with the baby.  As a young couple I think it is important to realize that raising a family is costly and you should be prepared for that.

Before our marriage we were surrounded by a culture that promoted having alot of kids early on.  Couples who waited to have babies were suspiciously viewed as selfish.  I don’t agree with that and I think having some couple time before kids come along can be very valuable.

You sound relieved!  I hope Our Lord blesses you with peace of mind and with the children he wants you to have, or with the freedom to do other things, if that is His Will!  God bless you!  Enjoy popping right out of bed!

Marie, I hope you have good luck with the Marquette method. We found it very useful in the postpartum stage. My youngest is nearly 16 months and my cycles still aren’t quite regular but with the monitor I know exactly what’s going on. I think there are face-to-face instructors, but I feel like they are rare. You should ask on the forum. The instructions online are very weak, lacking lots of specific information, but the forums are great. Type a short note with all of your details and they’ll tell you exactly what to do. If you use their online charting as you go forward, they’ll be able to access that and help you figure out what’s going on. Good luck!

Thanks Kansas mom. Where do I access the forums you refer to? I do not see it at first glance on the website. Thanks.

I would guess that the Dear Frustrated with MM… I can’t say I’ve had any cycles with no “highs,” but I have had 3 in the last 5 cycles with missed Peaks.  I suspect one cycle was an anovulatory cycle, but the other two (one I’m currently in) Has had definite peak type mucus like usual just not a lot like most cycles, so maybe the LH surge wasn’t as strong as usual.  I just called the Clearblue Easy company today and they are sending me something to download my monitor information to and send back.  I’ve been using a monitor since spring ‘06, I’ve been pregnant two times so I’ve had about 24 months of use out of it. The first missed peak I had was in July this year. I don’t know what is going on and I’m also a bit frustrated.  Only issue here is that I teach the method so I have to get it going well.  I have never bought the OPK’s like are suggested.  I too feel like that is an extra amount of money that I would only do if I couldn’t identify peak type mucus at all. One nice thing about the method is that after 6 cycles you can use the past 6 peaks to have an end of fertility for the 10% of missed peaks.  You are right that there is a lot of missing information on the website. They have updated information as they do research but it is very expensive to change the website as they progress with it.  The website is free and they do have a great forum with good and quick advice.

Another thing is to be sure you are collecting your first morning urine and dipping the stick for 15 seconds instead of holding it in your urine stream. It’s supposed to be the most accurate way to test.  Just some things to consider.  I do hope you stick with it.  I do agree, it’s frustrating to have spent all the money on something that isn’t proving to be very reliable at times.

sorry about that crazy typo… just ignore those first few words..

I don’t know anything about Marquette but we do Symptothermal and if you notice peak day fertile mucus, you’re good to go after 3 dry days after that. If you are getting weird readings, might be worth reading the “rules” of another method like Symptothermal and sorta combining systems. The point is to maximize spousal consummation without becoming pregnant if you’ve prayerfully decided it’d be imprudent to do so, not to be a slave to one method or another, right?
Anyway, good luck! (like I said I know nothing about Marquette method so sorry if my comment isn’t actually applicable to your situation!)

Thanks Sara for your insights, and for the reminder about the 6 cycles. Tho I wonder if no highs and no peaks would affect that? I’ve seen people talk about doing the collect and dip… tho I thought just people who couldn’t hold it all night were supposed to do that! lol I’ll give it a try next month. Again, something else they don’t tell you in the instructions! That part of the site is just a PDF file, which seems to me would be easy to change. I don’t think it’s a problem with the monitor, as I just bought it new in July. If you don’t mind my asking you another question I had, which I didn’t really get an answer on the website (maybe I didn’t explain myself very well)—would you have any mucus at all in an anovulatory cycle? Sometimes I have more than in other months, but it does seem like peak mucus to me. I wish I had an expert next to me that I could show the mucus to who could tell me, Yes, that’s peak! Or no, just high! Or even if it’s something else!
L - Thanks but I do mucus observations as well but I don’t like to rely solely on them because they have been unreliable in the past. Temperature was not reliable either, first because of a thyroid problem, then because of kids waking me up at all hours. Thanks for your comments tho!

There is no way to tell whether it’s an anovulatory cycle or not unless you had serial ultrasounds done.  You could have peak type mucus with an anovulatory cycle, the follicle being completely mature and prepared to ovulate but it just doesn’t release, this would cause peak type mucus because of the highest levels of estrogens being released. So really… you just have to   all cycles are ovulatory but know it’s not unusual for you to have an anovulatory cycle once a year.  It’s also not unusual to have a missed monitor peak once or twice a year.  Remember that peak type mucus is clear, slippery, and super stretchy- it just has to have one of those qualities- not all 3. And you are probably seeing peak type mucus if you think it is peak type.  Also- you could see it one time only on one day or you could see it all day for 3+ days.  I like to describe “slippery” as feeling like you have to wipe over and over when you go to the bathroom or even feeling like you have to go to the bathroom just to wipe.

“you just have to ASSUME all cycles are ovulatory”  Another typo- sorry

Thank you so much, Sara! I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions! Maybe I should trust the mucus, more, too, and continue to monitor. I used to have textbook mucus before kids, but things got all screwy after that, so it was hard for me to tell what was going on. Again, thanks so much for your help!