Hi- I have a similar problem- I bought my husband a memory form pillow (when on sale), we use a humidifier and occasionally he uses the nose strips! It all has help as a whole and seperately! I will say a little prayer for you to get some sleep next to your husband! God Bless

sleepless,

I am the snorer not my husband.  It was hard for him.  I wound up getting a sleep study done which shows mild sleep apnea (I’m not overweight) and got prescribed a CPAP machine which does continuous air flow thru your nose and stops the snoring.  My motivation in getting this done was to give my husband some peace.  Perhaps your husband should consider it?  Have him talk to his PCP.  I tried everything before this including taping a tennis ball to my back so I would stay on my side (no snoring on my side!!) and boy id my back hurt after that continually rolling over on a ball all night.

observe him at night.  loud snoring is often associated with apnea.  my husband noticed me stopping breathing and gasping for air.  CPAP has made a huge difference.  you do not need to be overweight to have apnea- I have apnea but I am 5 foot 4 and 115 pounds.  if he has apnea there is an increased risk of stroke and other medical problems.  people with apnea are also very sleep deprived and sometimes fall asleep at the wheel.

I have slept on the couch or in a different room most of my married life. Some of the time it is due to nighttime parenting a newborn/infant, mostly because I just don’t get good sleep in bed with my husband. Wearing foam earplugs is the most help. I only started a couple years ago and don’t know why I didn’t a decade ago.
*I* snore loudly and probably should have a sleep study. I have no tonsils or adenoids but am overweight and dh isn’t sure if I stop breathing or not. Dh does not stop breathing and he doesn’t actually snore very loudly, he has other sounds that just drive me CRAZY. I’m one of those people that can’t take repetitive noise like a clicking pen, or tapping shoe. Screaaming baby in my ear, no problem….toe tapping 8 year old..crazy woman.
Sleeping separately isn’t ideal but I need sleep not to lay awake next to my husband getting more and more aggravated by the minute. It doesn’t help that he can fall asleep in about 15 seconds while I take at least 30 minutes of reading/praying/winding down.
A) find out if his snorning is pathalogical (see the doc and possibly have a sleep study)
B) get ear plugs
C) do what you need to do to get sleep

I too am married to a snorer and we sleep in separate bedrooms unless we are traveling.
We’ve tried everything, including surgery but nothing has helped.  At this point, we are just managing the problem as best we can.  When we travel I used sleeping pills and wax ear plugs.  It’s not ideal, but it works for us.  At first it upset us that we couldn’t sleep together, but we’re over it now.  I’d rather sleep in separate beds than be up all night.

I second the ear plugs. We also have a white noise machine running all night in our room, and that helps. The most significant factor, though, is when my husband starting using Nasonex. We knew he had some allergies, but we didn’t think that was affecting his snoring. I guess it was, though!

I’m concerned that he thinks of this is “your” problem rather than “our” problem.  Have you tried the nose strips or a different pillow?  Does it help if he rolls over?  He needs to be willing to try small adjustments for the sake of your health and your marriage.

My husband was a terrible snorer for YEARS!  He denied how violently he snored until I video taped him (even then, seeing himself in the video, he said, “That’s not me!”)  He did get tested for sleep apnea and tried to use a CPap (although he took it off in his sleep, constantly).  He had surgery to correct his obstruction and while he no longer had apnea (after surgery), he kept snoring (just not the kind that shook the walls and woke the neighbors in the house next door!).  It has been a PLEASURE to sleep, truly SLEEP, with him again after he started wearing the Pure Sleep mouth piece, recommended by his dentist.  The website to look into it and/or order is http://puresleep.com/  The cost is about $60 and it TRULY works!  I wish you peaceful sleep soon!

praying!

Remember to boost his ego as much as possible.  His self-image is probably in the gutter as a result of his unemployment.

I’ll be praying for you and that your husband will find something.  May God give you peace.

Kathy,
Very sorry to hear what you are going through.  I will pray for you both.  We are in a similar situation.  My husband has been working part-time for 8 months now and I am 5 months preg with baby #7.  I homeschool our children, so there is no way for me to go and get a job.  Of course, after 14 yrs at home with kids, I am in no way skilled for anything higher than Mcd’s!!  He has been applying to jobs for months, even out of state, although we have no desire to uproot our children and move from both sets of our parents.  We are trusting in the Lord, that as long as we are faithful to Him, he will not let us fall.  It has been a rough year, but we have learned to tighten our belts on everything.  Christmas will be a very merry, albeit small Christmas.  But our children know the situation and it will still be a joyous time.  So many others are so much worse off, we must count our blessings.  Keep the faith, keep praying and know that as much resentment you may be finding in him, he is probably already feeling in himself.  A man’s main job is to support his family financially.  He knows he is not doing that.  Try to be lovng and patient with him.  Satan will try to take this situation and tear you two apart.  Do not let satan have that power over you and your marriage.  Start a novena to St Joseph or Jose Maria Escriva.  I am sure some can be found online.  Blessings to you both.

Angie and Kathy, I am so sorry for what you’re both going through.  I will pray for both of you.

I have a lot of sympathy for you. My husband has been out of work for eleven months. I guess I should thank God it’s just the two of us. We have nearly spent all our savings, too. Besides resenting my husband for being unemployed, I sometimes feel resentment when every cycle we have to avoid/postpone pregnancy. I will pray for you. Please pray for me too.

Prayers coming your way!  We were faced with a similar situation last year:  my husband came home from work early one Friday to tell me that he’d been laid off.  Even though it was terribly disappointing and downright scary, I smiled at him and told him that it was probably the best thing for his career and he looked at me like I was nuts.  We had a baby and had just purchased a house.  It was a very tough time, and I also had to go back to work after being a SAHM.  I did resent having to work, but I tried to remain as cheerful as possible.  He eventually did find a job, and his new company has plenty of work, better hours and flextime, and no travel involved.  Our daughter loved having Daddy around more too!

A few things that did help us:  1) he continued to do all the bills 2) he did lots of cheap home improvement projects around the house (painting, finishing, pulling out the hedges, etc) to stay busy, and 3) we had Friday “coffee and dessert nights” with some fellow laid-off families from the same company.  We took turns hosting each week and just made a pot of coffee and baked a dessert.  The kids all played while the adults socialized.  A cheap way to commiserate-  the guys would share job leads and the ladies would share coupons!

First:
We’ve been through this twice. The first time DH was out it took a lot of his time to network make his resume etc and only a few months to get a job. The second time the was less for him to do: fewer jobs to apply for and his resume was already done. It took over 7 months to get a job and he’s seriously underemployed.

God has a reason! He is the only man in this department with any guts, the management treats people like trash. He puts his crucifix on his desk and doesn’t put up with it (while still being polite and calm.) Turns out some of the women had been praying for a solution. Just pray for God to Bless him.

Second:
God loves your children! He did NOT call you to homeschooling because you are not capable of anything else! Try substitute teaching. It only requires 2 years of college to make a decent amoun, you can say no any day he has an interview and leave him a list of school and house things to cover you on. You’ll be home soon enough to make dinner still.
You Are Capable and Valued by God Himself—an ordinary human will hire you. (if God is willing that you stop homeschooling everyday) He might even want you out of the house long enough to learn to let your husband run the house differently than you do. That is much harder than homeschooling or working

I totally recommend handing over bill pay.

My husband is bad with money but I handed over bill pay knowing there would be a few mistakes.  There have been but the good thing is that his “want lists” have decreased and his sense of responsibility and leadership has increased.  I just ask for what I want and a time when he will be able to budget it and he does it.  It makes me feel provided for even though he isn’t currently working (he is disabled).

If that’s the case, then she should give you two the money to set up the policy, right? Then you’d get the coverage you wanted.  And you would be named the beneficiary.  You should also get life insurance for you- imagine if hubby had to pay for childcare and all the other things a SAHM does!

It sounds to me like she is a very generous person who cares for her son and his family.  What would be the harm in letting her do it, saying thank you and just forgetting about it?  Then you’ll have the coverage if you ever need it.

As far as paying the $30 per month for 30 years and not getting any of it back- I heard once that life insurance is there for when you need it (God forbid), so it is an investment in peace of mind.  It’s not like a savings account that you are going to withdraw money from in the future.  So, if you think it is like a savings account, of course it seems like a rip off, but if you look at it as money that will be there if for some reason you end up needing it, then it is well worth it.

Every man with a wife and children needs life insurance.  My parents had nothing (at all) but one thing they always did was keep their life insurance policies up to date.  When my dad passed away, my mom was able to pay all his medical bills and pay off some debt.  It was really one of their very few long term investments and it was worth it for the peace of mind after my dad passed away.

It’s funny how different people see things different ways.  To me, this is downright creepy.  Life insurance is important!  We have plenty—on both of us—to maintain our lifestyle if one of us should die.  But neither my mother nor his mother has anything to do with this—I don’t even think they KNOW about it!  If he wants to ignore his mother’s request, you should too.  If she approaches you, just pass the phone right over to him and let him handle her.

I agree with Regina, I just didn’t want to be the first one to say it.  (I am a chicken).  I think it is slightly creepy and I can’t help but wonder if she wants to have the policy in her name so that she can make sure she keeps the grandchildren in her life by being the distributer of the money.

I dunno…I might be way off base but it sounds like the set up of a Lifetime movie.  I think you should just ignore the suggestion and get your own life insurance policy.  Like Regina said- pass the phone to hubby.

Your husband does not have insurance and is the main provider for your family with little children.  If something happened to him, what would happen to you?  It seems that your MIL is gifting your family with a backup plan.  Right now, you are gambling that nothing will happen to him and you won’t be left destitute.  You are upset about the insurance because the gamble is that your MIL will have the money hanging over your head.  Although I admit that would be annoying, the chances that it will happen are as small as the chances that your husband will die unexpectedly.  Personally, if offered a choice between the huge debt just to bury a person…or the uncomfortable notion that my MIL would have to pay for the funeral expenses and I would “owe” her or she might feel that she could pick out the casket instead of me…and both choice was in the unlikely distant future, I would go with the latter.  It is irresponsible for a man with a wife and children who depend on them to not have as much life insurance as the family can afford (unless of course, you are independently wealthy).  My husband has enough on him to make sure that, prudently invested and used, I would not have to get a job to put food on the table.  I have enough that, prudently invested and used, he could afford to hire a nanny or housekeeper.  If your husband died, you and your family would need to have over $10,000 for the burial and then you would have none of his income.  Do you think your families would feel they had to step in and help?  Do you think with your husband dead a week, you’d be in the mood to look for a job?  It seems that your MIL is protecting herself and her grandchildren and doing your your husband has failed to do.

Dear looming:
Just want to give you some encouragement here. My husband and I just decided on a disability insurance after a year of deliberations and learning. We knew SQUAT before we started the whole process. We also looked into life insurance - but haven’t made a move there - it takes us a really long time to make decisions:) Anyway - maybe you could try to educate yourself on life insurance and long-term investments so you know what you’d be getting, how much it would cost, etc. I think the whole experience would empower you to have an educated conversation with your husband about it - and it wouldn’t be so emotional, especially since it involves your mil.

You most certainly do have time to have kids.  I didn’t even get married until I was in my mid-thirties and I had no trouble having kids.  You’ve got plenty of time so don’t panic.  I know it’s hard but try to give it all over to God and then relax.

Heather, I don’t have any advice except to REALLY encourage him to seek counseling even if she won’t.  As someone married to a spouse with recurring depression, counseling has given me the skills to know how to deal with it.  My husband used to say things like the things you SIL is saying, and counseling helped me to learn to not react or freak out, and helped me to learn what to say in response, calmly and maturely. When I quit giving the panicked response, his comments dropped off and finally ceased.  And of course, lots and lots of prayer.

No, the new CPAP’s are NOT loud at all!  My DH just got a new one and it’s basically a very quiet “hiss.”

Sleepless, I find it a bit…arrogant, maybe? that your DH “isn’t interested in seeing a doctor” about HIS snoring.  It just seems so unlike the usual male response of “x is a problem, y is a solution, let’s do y and get it solved.” 

Explain it to him like this:  what if you had something going on that made you have horrible breath (for example) and he didn’t want to kiss you.  Wouldn’t he expect you to get in to a doc as soon as possible?  It’s affecting you both. To me, this seems doubly urgent b/c I’ll bet his snoring is depriving *him* of a good solid restful sleep, and of *YOU* of the little bit of restful sleep you can catch w/kids.

Sleep is just so important…but I guess you can guess I feel strongly about it, couldn’t you!

That’s fine if you can sleep through the snoring.  I am a very light sleeper and any noise will wake me up.  The dog could move downstairs in the basement and I would hear it!

GM,

It does sound unusual.  Does your husband know how you feel?  Let him know you would like to spend time with him some of those nights.  Your concerns seem very reasonable to me.  Do you ever get to get away or have a break?

That kind of behavior is very weird.  If it were me, I would ask him to go to counseling as a couple.

Do you know what he goes there (parents’ or bar) to do?
Maybe he needs a little alone time?  TV/sports time? Food/snacks?  I don’t know, I’m just throwing ideas out here.
With 3 small children of our own, I know there are plenty of times *I* feel like escaping at the end of the day!
Whatever it is, pick an appropriate time (e.g., *not* right before he walks out the door, or just as he is returning from an evening out) and bring it up.  You could even be playful aobut it and say something like, “Hey honey, what does a gal need to do to keep her man home at night? (wink, wink) ” 
And by all means, when he does stay home, make sure it’s a night he’ll remember & want to stick close to home for in the future!