I have wish lists on Amazon for my children so family members know what they want/need.  Some family members find it helpful and will only buy things they know the kids want while others are put off by the fact that we have a list of things that would make great age appropriate gifts. 

I feel really guilty when I have to go through the toys and cull what is not needed/excessive especially when the item was a gift.  As a result, we have way too many toys.

When my children receive gifts that aren’t needed [things that I know will never be played with] or duplicates of things we already have I put them in a bin to be donated to toy drives around Christmas.  I’m looking forward to emptying that bin sometime in the next week or so.

Until very recently I used to repair toys that broke, if that was a possibility, but I have adopted a new policy of tossing anything that breaks.

My kids are older now ( my baby is 15)  but I do still buy for quite a few small children. Personally, I would rather prople be honest with me and request a book or even a savings bond ( which is usually what I give) rather than keep quiet while I buy a toy that I think will be appreciated only to find that it was donated a month later. I may not get the ” face lighting up” reaction from the child when it is open but in 15-20 years ( where my kids are now)  there is a good chance that I will have my moment.

This year I am giving my brothers and sisters who are still quite young (9 and younger) gifts of homemade candy and sweets.  I know how small my parents house is, and I also know how many toys they already have.  I prefer to give gifts that I know will make the kids happy and not give the parents trouble, so when I give a gift I try to take into account all circumstances.  That said, I appreciate it when someone says things to the effect of “We just can never have enough books around here!” Or something like that, so I know what they’d like/appreciate/use. I think the Amazon wishlist sounds helpful!

We have this problem too, big time! I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t feel guilty about donating toys that had been gifts, but our family/friends tend not to notice or mind so I can see how that could be a sticky situation for some. As the giver, I appreciate wish lists or other suggestions so that I can give a useful gift but I also would not care if the gift were donated at some point. I’m glad some other boy or girl will have the chance to enjoy it!

Some gift suggestions I’ve made as the (parent of the) recipient are:

-Outdoor toys. We have room in the garage for toys and it keeps them out of the house. Sleds, snowman kit, snowball/fort makers, balls, etc. have all been hits with our kids.
- Kids cook items. This isn’t great if kitchen space is at a premium, but I keep non-essential cooking/baking items in the pantry or basement anyway. (And it’s out of the play room!) Williams-Sonoma has a great line of kids cook stuff (pancake molds, cookie cutters, gingerbread house kit, etc.) but it can be found lots of places. I suggested this as an idea last Christmas and my MIL loved the pictures I sent her of all the cooking fun.
- Accessories for toys they already use. Things like doll clothes, additions to a train set, lego/playmobil, doll house furniture/dolls have been great things for us. It gives new life to an already beloved toy.
- Gifts of outings or memberships. Trips to the zoo, children’s museum, sporting events and nature centers have all been very well received by our kids (and the extra time spent with the giver is its own gift!).
- Charitable donations. We’ve had the best luck with this when the donation is accompanied by a small related item that the child opens. My daughter’s favorite gift of this kind was adopting an owl at the local nature center. She received a special certificate and photo of the owl and her name is on the owl’s enclosure. It’s like re-opening the gift every time we visit and she sees her name listed there!

I look forward to hearing others’ strategies!

When asked, we ask for consumables (like coloring or craft supplies) or an add-on to toy types we know the kids play with (little people, toy cars etc).
If someone gives a gift that’s not played with much after the moment of opening I rotate it to the basement toy supply that gets played with when the kids are down there “helping” Daddy with a project.  They seem to suddenly like it again.

Most of our relatives ask me what she’d like or what she needs, so I answer them honestly.  I also try to point them towards things that are useful, but also fun.  For example, my soon to be sister-in-law asked me what Elizabeth wanted for her birthday (with a birthday and Christmas in December, we really get overrun) so I told her that she needed winter clothes, but Elizabeth loved wearing dresses lately, so warmer dresses would be particularly appreciated so that she can be both warm and “a pwincess!”  (And she sent a beautiful dress and matching coat.  Love her.)  I’ve also started keeping a Pinterest board for presents for Elizabeth (http://pinterest.com/herewegoajen/presents-for-dibits/- in case anyone cares) that has a mix of things on it that are both books, practical things, and toys that I think would stick around.  I only give that out if someone asks for a list though. 

From the perspective of the giver, I always try to give things that would not annoy me to receive.  I give a lot of books.  I gave Elizabeth’s best friend a set of wooden play food because he loved playing with hers and his mom mentioned that she liked it too.  My absolute favorite birthday gift to give to kids is to get a personalized shirt for the child on Etsy with their age and name embroidered on it.  I mentioned that at a moms group thing and started getting invited to ALL the birthday parties all of a sudden, so I think it is a popular choice.

I used to have this problem when the boys were smaller (they are 11 and 14 now)~my house was run over by toys from others. They just loved buying something to see my boys faces light up…I NEVER liked the loud toys (and there are so many for boys) and many times had to take the batteries out just for my sanity! But I knew how much it meant to them to see my boys so happy and that my boys knew it came from them. Coincidentally, as a gift giver to children, I’m the same way…love seeing their faces as they unwrap the gift and knowing the joy it brings them.

My husband and I just spent over 8 hours this weekend “purging” our house of clutter, mainly in the way of toys. We’ve been incredibly blessed to have family with children just a few years older than ours. So on top of generous family gift givers, we’ve also been the recipients of hand-me-down toys (and clothes). It has been an amazing “problem” to have, but in the process we’ve accumulated too much stuff!

This is a very timely article because it seems we are in the very same situation. I am looking forward to getting some ideas. Although now that my son is 3, he is starting to grasp the concept of helping others. When his birthday came and went recently, we talked with him about the idea of giving some of his unopened gifts to a “little boy who doesn’t have any toys.” He absolutely loved the idea.

With that said, we accept the gifts graciously and instead of opening them immediately, we assess what to do next after the gift givers have left. Sometimes they are donated unopened. Sometimes they are just put away for a later day.

One thing I have done that seems to work is “bundle” toys. I have about 5 Rubbermaid boxes filled with toys. The kids only gets 1 or 2 of those boxes at a time. The others are put away. After a few weeks, I rotate some new toys in. This is a nice way to keep boredom at bay and to keep the playroom a little more orderly.

Thanks to an extremely generous grandma and 4 birthday’s during the Advent/Christmas Season, we receive an extreme amount of toys. I no longer try to control what junky toys they ask for and usually receive.  I just go with it   It’s a relatively short season of life.  Instead, I try to prepare for the onslaught of toys.  I donate and get rid of unused toys in October/NOvember, so I begin with more room.  I am pretty hard core about getting rid of toys they don’t play with—one year, I even gave to the St Vincent DePaul store about $1000 of wooden train stuff (this, after years of begging my 6 kids to play with it.)  They were never in to it and as much as I wanted them to be, it wasn’t going to happen. The grandparents receive such joy from giving the kids their “dream” toy, that I don’t really prevent it anymore.  I do it more for our parents then the kids.

Additionally, I’ve also encouraged the purchase of annual memberships to local museums and/or gift certificates for classes the kids are interested in—like rock climbing, cooking, art classes etc. Those are great gifts too.

Before St. Nick’s day, we had our kids put together a bag of toys for donation. St. Nick came and took the bag away the other night, leaving in its place something our kids all needed (shoes, this year). We will do this again after Christmas and again before birthdays. We’ve also made it known that we do this, and some relatives (the sentimental type) have changed their own giving style from buying loads and loads of random cheap toys to asking us what our kids need because said relative does not want her gifts going out in the next donation pile.

What also helps is limiting our own gift giving. We don’t give gifts to all our nieces and nephews or brothers and sisters, just to god children. We like to give cookies and other treats to neighbors and friends in hopes that they won’t give toys in return. This works, usually, although we do have a few friends who always give toys. But our kids aren’t getting gifts from numerous aunts and uncles and cousins.

We try not to be mean or strict, but we have a small house and, let’s be honest, only one or two toys get any play. Right now, I’m listening to my kids play in a laundry basket upstairs while I’m staring at a broken tow truck down here.

For the kiddos in my life I try to give gifts that they will like based on their personalities.  For example I got my 17 year old nephew a subscription to gamefly so he can go nuts on his xbox.  My little nephews (4,5 and 7) I got them all a single ant farm and individually I made them walking sticks with a compasse in the handle.  My neice 19 and away at college got a Kroger’s gift card so she can eat something other than Ramen.  What they do with those presents after the fact is their business.  I try not to attach expectations on the presents.  If they never use the ant farm I suppose I would be disappointed but it is my brothers and sister’s choice in their homes what to do with the presents.

I had this problem with grandparents who wanted to spend a set amount of money, but didn’t see the children enough to know what they would like. About 5 years ago, we asked (nicely) for them to consider spending the bulk of the money on a savings bond and wrapping up a small toy to open for Christmas and Birthdays. This usually a set of matchbox cars, a new train for the set, or art supplies. The kids love cheap toys as much as expensive ones, and they are each building quite a nest egg in the process. the Granparents are all very practical, and they appreciated the permission to do this as well.

When I give to children, I try to go the consumable route, like art supplies, a craft kit, or books. Although this year I bought recordable story books for my young nieces and had my older children record the stories. I think this will be a big hit, since they only see each other a couple of times a year.

I am ruthless about culling out my toy population and I do so frequently and without knowledge of the children.  I am no longer surprised that they never ask for a particular toy after it has disappeared.  Such is life.  So I accept toys lovingly, then regift, reuse or recycle. 
When my children were in the preschool/early elementary school, I would ask my parents and in laws for $ to pay for ballet, karate and gymnastics classes.  If you have 3 or 4 kids, those classes add up and I found that my parents and in laws seemed to get a lot of pleasure at providing enrichment rather than just a plastic hunk of junk.

As a mom of many young children, I would love (and they would too!) to receive mittens, warm coats, snow or rain boots, socks, underwear. We have way too many toys, and our toys are purged down to the well-loved and played with already. Grandma calls to ask ‘what does the baby need’ and I say ‘diapers’ and she says ‘boring!’ But really, does a baby care about another toy? My in-laws never ask what the kids need or want, they just send stuff. They have no idea who we are, who the kids are or what they like, or what they even have already. As someone who is extremely frugal with money, it makes me physically ill to watch my kids open presents on Christmas morning, and watch them discard the gift only to play with the wrapping paper. I think of the hundreds of dollars spent on something that will just be donated or broken. I have a closet-full of too-small sweaters and expensive jewelry (I don’t wear jewelry!) that my in-laws have given me. One time I tried to tell my father-in-law that the size wasn’t right, or the gift was too mature for one of our kids. He chastised me up and down, saying that I had no right to tell him what he could or couldn’t buy “his grandkids”. At that point I learned to just keep my mouth shut and politely say thank you. If he wants to waste his money, that is his problem. That money isn’t mine to spend or receive. I wish he’d put it in a college savings account instead though! or buy us groceries :(

I think you can offer ideas to your parents for your kids’ gifts, but it might be too much to give ideas to uncles/aunts/godparents/etc—UNLESS they ask.

One way we have dealt with the overpopulation of toys in our house of many kids is to package up some of the toys (especially the ones that have millions of pieces/parts) and put them in the attic for a while. Then a year or two later, give them as a gift to one of the younger children!! So if you have a hard time getting rid of a given toy, you can always pack it up and save it for later . . .

My aunt does give us a membeship every year.  She also gives each of the kids a few dollars in Baskin Robbins certificates because that is a treat we don’t normally spend money on.

This is very timely.  Tonight I’m hosting a book group discussion on Simplicity Parenting, and I’m sure there will be a lot of focus on the gift issue. 

As a parent, I have no guilt about donating.  Anyone close to me is well aware of the fact that I have a small house and that my son already has an abundance of toys.  I am also pretty open about the fact that I don’t want him overwhelmed with gifts and toys, because I’m concerned that it could promote greed and materialism, and also that he could lose interest and play less productively if he’s overwhelmed with too many choices.  That being said, I am certainly grateful to anyone who wants to be generous to my son, and I want to help him develop appreciation too.  My first choice would be for people to check with me, in which case I would encourage them to check the small wishlist that I have for him on Amazon.com, or to give a gift certificate to a local museum, indoor playground, etc, or to give something consumable (like arts and crafts supplies) that another commenter had mentioned.  My son’s birthday is two weeks after Christmas, and I plan to request “no presents” on the party invitations, as I did last year.  I always make sure he has something to open for his birthday, and he is perfectly happy with one or two gifts.  He doesn’t need more than that. 

As a giver, I always check with parents.  I understand that some parents feel awkward about answering questions as to what to give their kids.  I push the issue more if it’s a family like me who has a small house and shares my concerns on this topic.  When that’s the case, I’ll just level with them and say that I know what it’s like to be inundated with toys in a small space, and that I don’t want to make things harder for them.  When I approach it that way, people are more willing to tell me what their kids could really use.  My older niece has an Amazon wishlist, so this year I got her gift from there.  My 18-month old niece hardly had anything on her Amazon wishlist, so I used that as an excuse to get her a Madeline doll (this was a thrill for me, since I don’t have daughters).  I know for a fact that she doesn’t have one, so I’m hoping it will be well received.

My family is really good about asking what the kids want/need. I really like to stress books, because I have two bookworms. If they get a gift that they just don’t get into, I’ll put it in the basement. If it hangs around for awhile (a few months) being rotated between basement and upstairs, and they still don’t play with it, it goes! I don’t feel guilty, but my husband sometimes does. So I don’t tell him. shhhh If it’s a very special something and possible able to be grown into, I will let it hang around for awhile. So far, so good. We’ll see how things continue to work out.

We have been blessed with four boys, ages 7, 8, 10 and 11.  Though we live simply, we have had a rough past few years financially, and just can’t do the “first world” Christmas expectation of the living room full o’toys.  The boys only have two grandmas, who are both on very fixed incomes, so we don’t need to worry about them “spoiling” them.  We live in Southern California, so this Christmas, instead of more Legos—which they have plenty of!—we hope to take them to a family-friendly amusement park for one day over their Christmas vacation (either Legoland or Knott’s Berry Farm—we’re still working out our discount options).  They’ve only been to a park a few times in their lives, so it will be very special to them.  This way, instead of adding clutter, we hope to create happy family *memories*!  We’ll still have some candy in their stockings, though.  Gotta have stockings, hahaha!

We do not have an overload of toys (well, maybe too many legos) due to constant viligence.  We do “no gifts” at birthdays and they get one present from us the parents.  For Christmas they get two or three presents from us.  Although relatives load them down (despite our pleas not to every year) I always cull through it as soon as we get home and immediately take away about 2/3 of it to give to charity.  I am particular about the types of toys they are allowed to have.  Now that they are getting older there will be less of the problem of toys and more of the problem of “what do you get for teens that isn’t electronic?”

My husband’s mom buys a months activity, like pays for the fee for Basketball or Gymnastics or a summer camp. Now I have a 10 year old daughter she is taking her on a shopping spree. She mailed the letter with a certificate all official and when she comes to visit they go out on a date.

We have done two things recently.  First, on my side of the family, instead of exchanging gifts at Christmas, we “gift” each other with a trip to a water park exactly half way between my house and everyone else’s house.  Each family pays their own way instead of giving gifts to all the nieces and nephews, and each my generation splits the cost of my parents’ stay as our gift.  We get together one more time than we normally would each year, and we don’t have extra gifts around.  On my husband’s side, we treat everyone (sibs, and their families) to bowling and lunch when we visit them after Christmas.
The second thing I recommend is putting at least half the toys away before they are even taken out of the box!!  We have done this every year.  Some years they get taken out later when I need a break, sometimes they are just not needed at all.  This year we have at least 4 brand new toys left from last Christmas to donate to Toys for Tots.  My kids don’t even miss them, but we do live far from family so they wouldn’t really know we are doing it.  I also recommend keeping a list of things your kids actually NEED.  Refrain from buying some of it yourself.  We have asked for winter coats and boots in past years.  My parents have bought all my kids’ (and their cousins’) bedding sets.  This year our son asked for flannel sheets!  Not exciting, but really they are going to fixate on the legos this year anyway.

This is not just a problem with toys - I have similar issues with gifts I personally receive.  I’m at a point where I don’t really *need* anything, and I’m particular about what I want and don’t want (I don’t want to dust it, whatever it is!).  While there is not much I can do about what other people give me or my children, unless they ask me first, it has affected how I give gifts to others.  For adults, I tend to go for consumable things: coffee, tea, wine, cookies, etc (and if they re-gift that bottle of chianti, that’s fine!).  For non-related children (like at birthday parties), I tend to go for something inexpensive and crafty (consumable!).  For my 2 nieces and 1 nephew, I tend to give books, which I hope they read once.  But if they give them away afterward, I’m fine with that.  Last year, I even shopped exclusively at the used book store so I bought them several books a piece.  My sister and SIL where cool with that - they are on budgets, and I have 6 kids where they have 3 total.  Buying used books didn’t make them feel badly for not giving each of my kids something, although I think my sister did get them $5 McDonalds gift cards, which they LOVED, especially since I let them get Happy Meals which they never get!  It’s my husband’s side and ours are the only grandchildren/nieces/nephews and they tend to be overly generous.  We know they are just showing their love.

This is going to sound tacky, but for the nice toys that we were given by my mom or my sisters, I have saved them and regifted them now that we have a “younger” generation (my nieces now have children).  I basically told them they will probably never get a new gift from us.  They actually enjoy seeing the item that they originally gave us (whether played with a lot, or a little) given back for their child or grandchild.  They like the fact that it was something my kids had before them, and they had picked it out.  Some of them were stored for 7 years or so, which would be hard for some people with limited space to do.  I’ve even mailed some of these, so basically, I am just out the money for the postage.  I love toys, so it has even been hard for me to part with these.  When asked, I usually mention something practical, but the giver usually does not like to give “socks” and the kids faces don’t light up when they get them either.  We like to get movie passes (that is a gift that all 7 of us can enjoy together).  One year my child’s godmother gave her money specifically for her ballet costume which was a big help.  We really would prefer money to put in the children’s savings accounts.    This year, I believe my mother is going to contribute to a ping-pong table (that is if we can get enough toys out of the basement!).  Other times they have bought all the kids together one game for the Wii (like Just Dance II) that they all can enjoy.    I used to get the kids each one book for Christmas, but now we just use the library.  I do try to get them one spiritual book that they can’t get at the library, but I’ll be honest and say that many of these are unread.

My husband and I have always wanted to have Christmas with presents that are used either from yard sales or ebay.  These are my favorite kinds of gifts!!!

Many people think gift cards are boring but I think that certain ones can be nice and get kids excited.  Like a gift card to go get ice cream as some people mentioned or some other treat like that.

Also, I like the idea of if your kids are old enough to suggest the gift is a ticket to go see a play or skating show or baseball game.  It could be a family gift like tickets for the whole family to go or maybe two tickets for the aunt and child to go together or grandpa and grandson.  Or maybe even a gift of a ticket for mom and one child to go together.  Experiences will be remembered more than toys. 

Also, I do like the idea of a savings account for things like college or a car down the road and maybe a small tack on gift. 

Another idea is bigger ticket family gifts.  Like a video camera or new still picture camera.  I know young children are not into this but it doesn’t take long for them to be into the idea of making a movie or sending a gift of a picture taken with the camera the family was given.

I also like to stress getting clothes or shoes since at least those are useful.  This can be such a sticky topic but I think I agree with the person who mentioned the recipient has total claim over the gift.  I also try to give gifts I would like to receive - meaning avoiding things that need to be dusted.  I like to give gift of things like high quality maple syrup, etc.  Maybe that could be another type of kid gift.  If money is tight and/or for health reasons desserts are a rarity around your house maybe a brownie mix would be a treat for you kiddo.

I think one of the best gifts for kids (and adults) are individualized books.  I still remember getting a book from my aunt that talked about “Lisa and her friends Cindy etc etc.”  Now it is even easier as you can make albums for the kids with pictures from the year (snapfish etc.)  Having said this, I haven’t done this in 7 years (could the 6 kids, 7 and under have anything to do with this???LOL)  BUT . . . if you have crafty grandparents and are willing to send a disc with pictures this would be awesome (speakin of which, I think I will call my mom and get her in the picture for next year . .)

Well, Miss Manners would say I’m rude. Our family of 4 with another on the way live in a tiny apartment (we’re moving thought—3 bedrooms and a whopping 1000 square feet!) and since before my children were born I made it clear that we didn’t need stuff. I have a list of books we’re looking for and we ask for experience gifts. Mostly family understands—they’ve seen our place. We don’t even have room to do toy rotation because in an apartment there’s no storage. We also always make a point of asking family members what they want for Christmas and birthdays and thankfully this has been reciprocated. When it doesn’t work out I ruthlessly donate It helps that my side of the family just isn’t into gifts. We get them for the kids but not for the adults unless we find something we really want to give. I’m so grateful that none of us has gifts as a love language because then none of us feel guilty

Physically ill?  I know just how you feel!  But I have realized two things this year: first, that they consider off-limits anything I want that *they* think of as a normal and basic part of existence (for example, the g-parents think nothing of paying for a professional haircut + haircoloring every month, so its too “boring” for them to give money so that my daughter and I can get a few professional cuts during 2012… even though we will just not get them at all without the money.  In otherwords, since they can afford haircuts without batting an eye, it qualifies for “boring” and is off-limits as a gift.  To them it is like giving someone a bottle of water for a gift.  “So accessible to everyone; just turn on your own faucet and get it yourself - duh!!”) 

The second thing I’ve learned is that I need to guard against feeling entitled.  When they give us doo-dads and toys when we want more practical things, I sometimes feel angry.  They wasted their money on junk we don’t need!!  But you know what?  If they want to make themselves feel good with the idea that they gave my kids something fun, that’s a perfectly legitimate use of their own money.  They are buying themselves good feelings and happy ideas.  They don’t owe me the things I need or want.  It would be a nice bonus if they got good feelings from giving me what I want… but I am really coming to see that its a bonus, not a “given.”

This is a wonderful post, and so well-written!  I learned a new word too - effusive!  Woo hoo!  Good one!
We’re about to pack in our sixth human in a 1250 sq. foot house but our families still don’t stop!  What I tried to do this year is ask for consumable things - things that will go away on their own.  For the love of Pete my children go through paper.  Art supplies.  Play-doh gets hard.  Glue gets used, etc. etc. But my mom still uses her own words of “get them toys” to let me know it’s coming.  She’s actaully getting them one of the same things they got last year but she doesn’t even know it.  Again, high class problems I know!  I just try and then sit back.  You said it all in your post Arwen.

Thought of you:
http://www.commonsensemedia.org/new/help-grandma-out-how-communicate-your-media-gift-rules-holiday?utm_source=newsletter12.09.11&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=feature2