Print Blog
Email a FriendMy mom calls 4-6 p.m. “the witching hour” because the kids are tired, mom is tired, Daddy’s not home yet, you’re out of activities and it’s too late for a nap. Call me a cop-out, but I take our little guy for a quick walk to the grocery store or short playdate from about 4-5, and when we get home, I put him in front of Baby Einstein for 30-40 minutes while I make dinner (this is the only TV he watches all day). My husband doesn’t always get a clean home or an elaborate meal, but more often than not he gets a sane wife and a content child. Since my New Year’s resolution was to have lower expectations for myself, this is good enough for us. It has lowered the stress at the end of the day tremendously. Hope you find something that works well for your family!
Is He Home Yet?
Posted by Arwen Mosher in Homemaking on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 1:00 PM
Because of my new resolution to be joyful, I’m noticing the less joyful parts of my life more clearly.
For example, between 4:00 and 6:00pm each weekday, I’m not very joyful.
Those last two hours before my husband gets home from work are the most challenging of my day. During those two hours I’m the most likely to watch the clock, most likely to feel impatient with my children, most likely to wish longingly for a quiet bubble bath.
I’ve tried reminding myself that the last two hours of the workday are no longer than any other two hours of the day. They should, in fact, be easier because all the other hours have more daytime hours following them, while when these are over, my husband will be home. But no matter how much I try to rationalize it, the fact remains: I have trouble at the end of the day.
My sister told me about a mom we know who takes special care to make the moment when her husband walks in the door special for him. She has the house neat and the kids clean and excited about their dad’s arrival, so they welcome him at the door and make his first minutes home wonderful for him.
I’m ashamed to admit that many times, after that 4-6 stretch, the best I manage is to greet my husband with a sighed, “Oh, thank goodness you’re home.” I can’t imagine he looks forward to that! I want to do better, and I know that making that stretch of time more joyful and fruitful would help start our evening together as a family on a better note.
Surely I’m not the only at-home mother who struggles with this. If you do, and you’ve got some tips for beating it, please share! I’d love to have some concrete strategies for making my late afternoons more joyful.
Comments
Page 1 of 1 pages
Awesome Idea! =) It totally is the “witching” hour for us, too! I think (even in winter) a brisk walk is something I’m going to try to incorporate. With 3 kids under the age of 5, “trying” to make dinner while listening to how “hungry” they are is very frustrating. lol
Arwen, you are not the only one who has the feeling at the end of the day. Sometimes I can’t wait for bedtime…then I get frustrated that I thought that…however, my husband reminds me that I’m only human. So true! =)
Love this reminder. A few years ago, I was involved in a MOPS group, and one day they hosted a panel of dads to talk about family life from their view. All of them said regardless of what they knew their wives did all day, walking into a messy house with kids and wife out of control, was really hard on them. After that I made a point to make sure that my husband was greeted by clean, calm children & wife, tidy home, and almost ready dinner. In the last few months, I’ve kind of slid out of that habit. So I will start this up again tonight.
The strategy that worked best for me, DVD’s. If that is the only time my kids get to watch a DVD, they will sit still and watch, which means I can tidy up the house and get dinner most of the way done.
I’ve always disliked that timeframe! It’s when I am most tired & the munchkins are the most wound-up! It is nice to hear that it’s not just mine who are like that. Several nights a week, DH usually doesn’t get home until after we’ve already had dinner. On those nights, the munchkins & I eat then have a “12-Minute Clutter Drill.” I set the stove timer & for 12 minutes, we straighten up the kitchen & living room. While I work on the dishes they work on the living room, clean off the kitchen table, & help sweep up the kitchen floor. Once that is all done, they get into their PJ’s & can sit to watch a calm DVD or playing in the basement. It’s really helped for more relaxed evenings. On those nights DH will be home for dinner, we try to do the clutter drill before we eat.
Actually, that mom is on to something! I found that when we took the time to make an effort to be ready for dad to come home, we were all happier. The kids were excited to see him and so was I. On the days the house imploded and the kids were out of control and I was a mess, things quickly escalated when dad got home. It wasn’t fair to any of us. Just a little extra time and effort really goes a long way for a peaceful evening.
Jen in OK
I remember those days so well…and I wish sometimes I had them back! I am now teaching full-time, and my husband and I (both Catholic School teachers) arrive home around 4 or 5, with our children (all students in Catholic Ed) I try…and I emphasize try…to put together a meal in the crock pot about 5:30 a.m., that way when we come home, it feels as if someone has been home caring for all of us throughout the day. Sometimes my hubbie will bring home a take-out dinner, too. You know, it makes me think of the post Danielle Bean recently made about “An Ordinary Day”. Life with toddlers and babies is one way…life with school-age kids and teens is another. All of these times are so precious we need to take them for what they are. And we need to treasure them while they are here. The most important factor in all of our days is this: we always end up home TOGETHER!
Oh my goodness! This is timely 
. 2-4 is actually my “blah time” of the day, especially during the winter when the weather doesn’t help lift the mood!
I, too, resolved to be more joyful this year! And?? Well, I’ve pouted, sulked, cried, complained, and snapped more in these last 26 days than all of last year combined. I’d like to blame it on my hormones (which may actually have something to do with it), but I fear I’m succumbing to selfishness.
So I’m trying to take the focus off of myself. I’ve found, when I take the focus off of my pouting/tired/missing-him self, my mood generally improves. Starting a project that’s sure to make my husband smile (making his favorite time-intensive meal, writing him a note, baking homemade bread, cleaning his sock drawer, reading up on his favorite topics… or actually calling him) is usually the best way for me to tackle the blues. Otherwise, the Adoration chapel proves an invaluable solace.
We try to really limit TV/DVD time but generally between 4 and 4:30 we begin clean up time (depending on how messy the place has gotten). The kids know that they will only get a DVD at 5:00 if everything is nice and clean. If it is clean, I put on a DVD at 5:00 for them which they watch quietly while I make dinner.
Honestly, my “blah” time would be more like between 2-4 when it is too late to be making messes but a bit early to wind down for the day.
Trust me: you’re not the only one! My husband gets off work at 4:30, and is home between 5:15 and 5:45 (he sometimes gives a ride to one of his coworkers). Between 3:30 and 5:30, I’m constantly watching the clock!
I’ve developed a few strategies, though, that seem to help me. One is that Hubby calls me when he leaves the office. That way I know he’s off work and on his way home. Sometimes we chat on his drive home, and sometimes we don’t.
Lately, my baby (almost six months) has started napping right around the time Hubby gets off work, so I try to use his nap time to get a few last-minute things done. The more I get done, the more we can spend time together as a family.
If the baby’s awake, I talk to him about the things we’ll do when Papa gets home. He doesn’t understand, but it certainly keeps my spirits up to have something to look forward to.
Something we do sometimes, too, is that as soon as we get home, we have to tell each other three great things about our days. By greeting each other with the positives of our days, it puts us both in a good mood, even if one (or both) of us had a bad day overall.
My husband has been deployed to Afghanistan for about 6 weeks now. For the first two weeks, those hours were extremely difficult. I think once my mind adjusted things got better. I never knew how much of it was in my mind.
Sorry, I don’t have any ideas. I do like the idea of getting the house and kids ready for dad getting home though. It would help switch gears from “Geez, when’s this day going to end.” to “Dad’s home soon!”
Uh, I totally have this problem - house is a mess, oldest needs help with tons of homework, middle child is bored, baby is crying, dinner needs to be made, bills just arrived in the mail… But I like the idea of tell each other 3 best things that happened that day when your husband gets home. KC - We will definitely pray for you and your family!!
In our house, 4-6 is known as the “zero hour”. We have 6 kids, ranging in age from 8 weeks to 14 years, and it seems that everyone is on his/her own schedule, etc. For a while, when we had everyone in after-school activities, it got REALLY bad; it doesn’t help that I really dislike being a taxi-cab for my kids! We have done 3 things that have helped me (and the rest of the family!) immensely:
1) During the school year, we rotate who can be in an extra-curricular activity. This has the added benefit of being easier on the bank account, as well.
2) The last 15 minutes before my husband comes home is devoted to table-setting, toy-picking-up, and a quick Memorare (the Memorare forces me to remember that Our Lady faced her own zero hours, too!)
3) Zero hour is also Tea and Toast Time! During the colder months, I’ll put on the tea kettle and have one of the kids make toast for anyone who’s at home. Then we all sit down for a quick snack. Sometimes, I pull a coffeecake out of the freezer instead of making toast, to add a little surprise! Both my mother and grandmother always observed the Tea and Toast Time, and now it makes a lot of sense to me!
Our Lady did not have “zero hours.” Jesus was perfectly obedient. If she said, “Sit here and play with your blocks while I make dinner,” He did. Jesus also never threw temper tantrums or went through teen-age angst. Joseph earned a modest, but sufficient living as a carpenter, and never expected a kiss when he came home. What on earth could Mary have had to be stressed out about?
(The whole point of devotion to the Holy Family is that their lives were as ours should be. We have to come up with things to do during witching or zero hours because our kids are not perfectly obedient, nor are we the models of patience, nor are our husbands as mild and docile as St. Joseph. We should emulate their peaceful home, but we should not make the mistake of thinking their lives were just like ours.)
During my “raising children” part of my life, I often thought of Mary, Joseph, Jesus and how their family life was. It is true that it must have been very different than ours. In the ways described by one of these comments and I must admit I thought that too. As the years passed, I came to realize something else of what I believe that Mary must have experience too. She knew. She was well educated in the Old Testment and she knew the prophecies regarding the Savior. And she was “graced,” full of the Holy Spirit, so her understanding was greater than ours. She knew. And when she watched Jesus sleeping so softly. so sweetly, innocence incarnate, she knew. She knew when she was at the Cana Wedding. And she knew when she told Him there was no wine. That’s why He called her “woman” and not “Mother”. She knew, and knew what she was really asking Him. She knew the Psalms better than we do. She knew. Maybe not exactly how it would happen that He would be despised, disfigured, hated, rejected, killed, but from the moment she was asked that unbelievable question, she knew.
Even my 90 year-old grandmother tells me she has always hated that time of day. I agree. These days, I try to carve my exercise time out of that time. The older kids are done with schoolwork and have had some of their free time so they watch the little ones or exercise with me on the Wii Fit. Then it’s tv time while I get dinner started, then clean up time and set the table before Daddy gets home to hopefully a calmer, organized house. This is harder since the twins came along, but we try.
I’m back at work now, but when I was home I was in the same boat as you! I’d run out of steam and Teddy and I would just look at each other some days. I instituted ‘late afternoon dance party’ to try to perk up the mood, or we’d go on a walk to the library between 4 and 5—anything to break up the monotony.
Teddy LOVES the music from GLEE. Maybe Blaise would, too? The Detroit references in “Don’t Stop Believin’ ” would hit close to home!
MY husband is lucky that I don’t grab the car keys and get the heck out of there the second he walks through the door. The hours of 4-6 pm should be stricken from the day.
When I need a physical pick-me-up I like to mix up a packet of Emergen-C. It is full of vitamins and minerals to give a welcome boost of energy.
I have started a lovely 4:00 pm tea-time ritual that makes me feel a bit pampered and also delivers a delightful small shot of caffeine to pick me up (though you could also choose an herbal blend if you just want the pampering sans caffeine). I lived in Scotland my junior year, and it was an absolute given that everyone in the student house would meet in the kitchen for tea at 4 pm. Now I get it!
I had to chuckle when I read this—my husband was the stay at home dad for the last 5 years and he always complained about the same time of day being the hardest (I always felt SO guilty when I was late.) Now that I am home he isn’t getting home until 9:30 so I don’t have that issue . . . I’ll have to see next year when he is supposed to get home at a more normal time!
When I only had younger kids I would try any of the following 1) Snack just before the witching hour 2) A walk to the park or something other abnormal activity 3) Music and dancing with the kiddos 4) Bathtime complete with bubbles. Now that our kids range from 15 down to 2 I can have the older kids help with clean up, the meal, or entertainment. My dh used to work long 12-14 hour days…one day he came home at 7pm to find me sitting on the floor with a crying 2 yr old and 6 mo. old while my 5 yr old sat next to us. He asked when the kids ate…I just looked at him and said we’ve been here a long time, we haven’t eaten yet. This too shall pass.
I heartily agree that late afternoon is a challenge. I count the hours until I can turn on catholic talk radio to make the afternoon more interesting. The problem in my area is that the station recently decided to move “my” show fom 3-6 to 2-6, with the first hour repeated at 5. Why?!?!?! Now I don’t know whether I should turn it on at 2 and be bored from 5-6 or wait until 3 and watch the clock for an extra hour. (I know, real problems here, huh)
I’m totally relating ladies!! I have begun to make that our walk the dog and get the mail time. I get my 4, 3 and 1 year old in their shoes, the dog on a leash and we’re out for a walk down to the end of the block where the mailbox is. This changes the scenery for all of us (me included). We get some fresh air and our blood running in our veins. It perks everyone up and puts us in a revived mood for dinner and daddy.
My husband is also going to Afghanistan in March and will return at Thanksgiving, so we are grateful to have him here with us each day until then.
God bless you all.
Post a Comment
By submitting this form, you give Faith And Family Magazine permission to publish this comment. Comments will be published at our discretion, and may be edited for clarity and length. For best formatting, please limit your response to one paragraph and don't hit "enter" to force line breaks.
