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Email a FriendI love this post. Once we had children, we stayed home too Arwen! And it’s fabulous. We do an early Christmas eve dinner with my parents and then tuck children into their own beds. My husband and I exchange presents on Christmas eve after the kids are asleep, and we spent the evening eating some snacks and watching “It’s a Wonderful Life.” In the morning, we wake up, do presents at a leisurely pace, eat a breakfast casserole that was made the night before, and then head to 10am Mass. We don’t do anything else until around 5pm, when we go to my aunt’s for Christmas dinner. Little ones take naps and play with new toys. It’s a very laid back-not rushed day. We do more visiting with my in-laws over New Year’s. Since we’re not traveling and running the kids all over, it’s much more relaxing. I agree that spreading the visiting out is well worth it!
Celebrating Christmas
Posted by Arwen Mosher in Family on Wednesday, December 28, 2011 1:12 PM
Where did you sleep on Christmas Eve?
I was at home in my own bed, for only the second time since I’ve been married. And since the first time I was eight months pregnant with Blaise and the house was crowded with my parents and siblings, I’m counting Christmas 2011 as our first At Home Christmas. It was just our little family and it was lovely.
Bryan and I got married in 2002, and we’ve taken advantage of the fact that our parents live in the same town by sharing holidays instead of alternating them. But at Christmas, this has always meant a crazy twenty-four hours of bouncing back and forth between families. Christmas Eve dinner with mine, nightcaps later with his, and hanging stockings at both places. We’d fall into bed at midnight and crawl out at 6am to make it for early breakfast at my parents’ house, with stockings and presents after we’d been to Mass. Then back to his parents’ house for light lunch, more stockings and presents, and a big Christmas dinner. It was a very full day, and by 8pm we’d be ready to collapse.
But, honestly, we loved it… until we had kids.
All of that celebrating packed into one day is great for 20-somethings, but stressful for little one. Last year, when the afternoon of Christmas Day found us dealing with overstimulated messes of children, Bryan and I realized it was time to reassess. And since we doubled our number of children this past May, the situation for Christmas 2011 was even more dire. We needed a better solution.
Fortunately we have cooperative relatives, so this year we tried something new. Instead of driving the 90 miles to our parents’ house before Christmas, we stayed home. We went to Christmas Eve Mass with our kids (and, judging by attendance at our parish, every other child in the tri-county area). We put them to bed in their own beds and on Christmas morning we opened stockings in our own living room, ate cinnamon rolls and bacon at our own kitchen table, and opened a reasonably-sized pile of presents at a leisurely pace. And afterward, we had time to play with the new toys.
As I said, it was lovely.
Then, on the afternoon of the 25th, a contingent from our hometown arrived. My sister lives in my town with her husband and three young children, and between us we hosted another Christmas “Eve” dinner, and another Christmas “Day” - from the 25th into the 26th, we celebrated much as we’ve done in past years, but with less stress, a smaller present pile, and time to enjoy each others’ company.
And continuing on, we’ve also got plans to celebrate a third Christmas with my parents-in-law (my husband’s an only child) on the 29th, complete with delicious food, one last pile of gifts, and plenty of time to sit and chat. We’ll be well-rested (well, as much as you can be with baby twins in the house) and ready to enjoy celebrating with the children’s other grandparents.
Camilla and Blaise are loving it. “Mama,” she asked me last night, “how are there SO MANY PRESENTS this Christmas?” Ironically, since we’ve been restrained and encouraged restraint this year, our kids have gotten fewer gifts than usual, but they’ve had more chance to savor them.
For myself, I’m enjoying the chance to keep the spirit of the liturgical season of Christmas by extending the non-liturgical parts of the celebration. We always spend these last days of the year with family anyway, so it makes sense to use the time this way instead of squeezing all the special dinners and present-opening into one 24-hour period. So far, I’m a fan of this plan.
However, I realize that spreading out the Christmas celebrations is not so appealing to everyone as it is to me. I grew up with no extended family nearby, so we had one celebration - and my letdown on the evening of the 25th was heavy. But I know other people who have so much extended family within reasonable distance that they celebrate Christmas half a dozen times, and get exhausted doing so.
I’m curious: how and when do you celebrate Christmas? Have you tried different solutions? What works for your family?
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Our parents are far away, and before we had children we used to make the rounds to all of our parents’ homes (two on my side, plus my husband’s) in the days surrounding Christmas. It was fun but stressful. Once our first child was born, we decided that we weren’t traveling at the holidays. It sounds a little harsh maybe, but dragging a baby on airplanes at the peak of travel season just didn’t seem like a good plan, and we really wanted the chance to develop our own family traditions in our own home. We welcome any of our family members who want to visit on or around Christmas, and we love having them here. But we also love being at home. It’s definitely what works best for us in this busy season of life with young children.
We have always spent Christmas Eve at my parents house with all my other siblings and their families. Christmas Day is always spent at home. When my kids were young, it was wonderful! It’s till wonderful because we actually get to relax. If anyone wants to come for dinner they are welcome. This year it was my oldest daughter, my husband’s cousin and just my husband and myself for dinner. It was wonderfully quiet. My other 4 children all went to either their significant other’s house or to a friend’s. The day after Christmas we all got together again for lunch to watch wedding pictures! That was wonderful! We are having another Christmas tonight at my brother and sister in-laws house with my husband’s family. Tomorrow all my siblings and parents are getting together get again when my brother comes down to visit from MA. I guess you can say we have the Never Ending Christmas!
When my oldest was a year and a half we decided we needed to limit ourselves to one family-group per day. We used to spend Christmas Eve with my in-laws, sometimes spending the night there (everyone’s in the same town), quickly doing stockings at our house, have brunch at my aunt’s house, then to my parents’ for my mom’s side of the family that afternoon. Now we have my in-laws and that extended family over to our house Christmas Eve (which allows us to get our kids into bed at close to normal times and routines). Then we stay home and go to Mass Christmas morning, let the toddler nap, then go to my parents’ for Christmas. On the 26th or 27th, we head to my aunt’s house. We always get at least half of every day spent at home and we don’t rush anywhere. Since we keep the tree up from the 24th until early January, if we spread it out over the first few days of Christmas, it feels like we’re really celebrating the 12 days of Christmas anyway.
We spend Christmas Day with my in-laws & family (15 minutes away) and then we spend the next weekend with my parents (3 hours away) & family. Works great! Our only difficulty is we really prefer to set up the tree Christmas Eve and open Christmas morning. But, we don’t want to open them in a rush and head to the in-laws. We may need to change our immediate family tradition to opening our gifts on December 26.
Both sides of our family live locally. We do Christmas Eve dinner at my mother’s (my brother, sil and niece live out of town, so they stay at my mother’s for several days), then go to Mass. We sleep at our house, and my son opens his stocking at home Christmas morning. Then we spend Christmas day at my mother’s. I do a lasagna dinner on the 26th that both sides of the family are invited to (my husband’s family are also invited to my mothers’ on Christmas day, but they usually decline). I still find the whole thing exhausting, but relatively manageable. I know what you mean about the let-down on Christmas night. That’s what I love about keeping the decorations up for a while and celebrating with some post-Christmas parties.
We used to alternate between my husband’s family in Wisconsin and my family in OK. Two years ago though we told family, “We are not budging from the house on Christmas.” (other than going to Mass as a family Christmas morning) We loved it! This year, we did go over the my parents for a late Christmas Day dinner but that’s because one of my son’s had surgery in late November, and I was really OK with letting my mom do the cooking. Plus it was just my mom and dad this year because my other three siblings were not returning home for Christmas.
I would say that once you have children, you are entitled to start your own family traditions and to say “we’d love to see you at other times of the year, but for Christmas, we are going to be starting our own traditions.” I know my kids have been happier the last couple of years that we are home and able to be more relaxed.
We’ve spent 1 Christmas of 19 away from home and that was back in the early years with only two children.. If we spent any time with family they came to us. I’m an only child. We’ve never lived closer than 350 miles to any of my husband’s family and its usually more like 800-1500 miles to his family members. We are now 1000 miles from any family at all. We have a houseful (9) and with the oldest coming home from college and neighbors and Christmas and vacation commitmemts I’m just as glad not to be running from house to house.
I grew up with no extended family nearby and now that I am married I also have no extended family nearby. So Christmas is always quiet but nice and not the least bit stressful. Each of the kids got two presents from us. Per our vehement request the relatives cut back this year and just gave some money which we promptly put in the bank. For the first time I don’t have to give away surplus gifts from relatives and they are building up a contribution to their college fund.
Thanks, Claire. But it took years of uncomfortable conversations with in-laws and my husband to get to this point (my extended family was not the problem). And the fact we are in a recession and everyone is more willing to spend less I am sure helped. It is important to me to not just protect my kids from spoiling and materialism but to evangelize extended family. I think over the years our simple and frugal living as had a positive influence on them.
Now that I’m an adult I appreciate how lucky I was growing up: my dad’s parents lived with us, so we would have Christmas morning at our house with them, and then the afternoon with my mom’s side (5 min away), and it never felt too rushed or crazy. My in-laws are local but my parents live 3 hours away, and we have been alternating holidays (Thanksgiving with one family, Christmas with the other, and switch the following year). This was our year to be at home for Christmas, which I loved, although it was still a little too busy. I’m so ready to quit the switching back and forth, and have Christmas at our home every year (which would mean Thanksgiving with my parents), but haven’t done it yet because I know feelings will be hurt.
So fun to read all the descriptions of the adjustments for young families. I remember when we alternated Christmas away with my in-laws with Christmas at home with whoever could get here from my family. One of my sisters has one child, the other is not married and lives with my mom, so us traveling to them (in CA) was never going to happen. Eventually we stopped traveling (I think 3 kids was the deal-breaker). Now I am beginning to get ready for the time when not everyone is home for Christmas… it will be hard on the younger kids, who will see their family disintigrating before they have homes of their own, but perhaps we can travel ourselves at Christmas to make up for it. And we have begun including friends with young children and no nearby family into our traditions… so the cycle continues.
I’ve been there! I am there! We’re still sorting out our family routine and traditions. They’ve certainly morphed over the years. Early in our marriage (and when we were only toting one lap child with) we actually flew from St. Louis to San Antonio on Christmas Day every year so we could get a dose of both families. But with a growing family (extended family included) we’re trying to reassess each year and make adjustments as needed. For example, a few years ago we moved one celebration from Christmas day to mid-morning on Christmas Eve. And effective last year - we opened gifts at our own house Christmas morning instead of rushing to my parents house at the crack of dawn. Now we head over mid-morning on our own schedule… Then this year we hosted my in-laws over Christmas so that was a new bridge to navigate and one I don’t suspect will occur often over the upcoming years. Of course - par for the course with children - as if it wasn’t chaotic enough with 4 extra adults in our house as we tried to navigate Christmas morning, my 3 year old had a stomach bug and spent most of the morning hanging his head over a trash can… *sigh* Someone assure me we’ll sort it all out by the time my kids have kids of their own!
My in-laws won’t let us bring all the kids to visit them at one time and no kids under 3 anymore either - their house is too small and they get too overwhelmed. (My mil has never lived in a house with more than 4 people and fil hasn’t for over 50 years and we have 6 kids). So every 2-3 months my husband takes two kids to visit the in-laws for 24 hours. We usually pick up Christmas presents from them in January or February; depending on health and weather.
For Christmas we pack everyone up; drive 1000 miles; and stay with my parents for a week. (Sorry; no comma on the borrowed computer). My siblings are both near my parents and come over to visit - but we usually don’t open presents with them Christmas morning but on some other day as my brother and brother-in-law both usually work Christmas Day. We bring stockings and at most one small present per kid from us. We do our presents a day or two after we get home. I think one year it worked out that we got presents four days in a row. It’s a wonderful break for me. I even enjoy the drive - everyone is strapped in and generally well-behaved.
When it was just dh and me, we did christmas eve @ my family’s and Christmas day @ his. Once children came along, we did only christmas eve with my family, christmas day was a very irish christmas, just our immediate family and the children could be home w/us and play w/their gifts. ST.Stephen’s day we celebrated w/dh’s side or earlier in the month, whatever they wanted. Now that the lads are older, we celebrate christmas eve w/my side as we host it every year since we were married, and after being at our home on christmas day together, we go to his families for christmas eve dinner. St. Stephen’s day is still the day of merriment and visiting.
Your situation is a lot like ours was, Arwen, when both our parents still lived in our childhood homes. When my parents retired and moved near us, it made Christmas more complicated. And the biggest complication of all is that it’s also my Nonna’s birthday, and the only day of the year that my Mom’s whole family gets together.
This year, I love what we’ve done and hope it continues. Like you, we’ve spread it out. On Christmas Eve, my parents and Nonna came to us and we did gifts, then we went to mass at our parish. On the 25th, we woke up and did stockings. Then, we headed to Kingston to my uncle’s house for the big birthday celebration. We headed home again, and had one more day there. On the 27th, we headed for my inlaws’, where we’ll be until the New Year. The kids have appreciated the gifts so much more because they’ve been spread out.
Other than two sick kids, it’s bee great!
Before we had children, we packed up & spent a week with my parents & siblings who live about an hour away. When children came, we continued this until our twins were 2. AT that time Mom passed away and we had discussed that last Christmas together, that since we had the largest number of children & home, we should host our tradional Christmas Eve dinner & gift opening for myside of the family. That first year after Mom passed, helped that we weren’t at the family home, but somewhere new. Now Dad, too has passed, so my siblings (and now neices) take turns hosting Christmas Eve.
Our Christmas begins with sit down formal dinner, followed by opening Christmas Eve dollar stocking & family gifts. All then head for their respective homes. We hang Stocking before leaving on Christmas Eve. Christmas morning we have coffe set on a timer, and breakfast casserole goin while we open “Santa” gifts & stockings. Off to Mass then (hoping next year to do Midnight Mass, as children are older now)to the in laws, about 1.5 hr away. The week between Christmas and New Year’s is spent at home, with an occasional visit to/from friends, enjoying each other & gifts. . .. Tiem spent traveling and being with family is stressful, hectic, and worth EVERY MINUTE! You are creating MEMORIES that will be recounted long after you are gone! Merry CHristmas!
When I was growing up, we did a lot of running around on Christmas and I hated it. I vowed not to do the same thing. Our tradition is Christmas Eve at home (my ILs join us) and then later on Christmas Day dinner at our house, my sister’s home or my parents’ home. I make sure it is well into the day so we get to relax all morning and enjoy ourselves at home. We attend Mass on Christmas Eve afternoon. I say keep it simple, kids enjoy that more than running amuck, I know that mine do.
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