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Email a FriendWhat a beautiful article. You must be so proud and excited for your daughter. God has a plan for her and it sounds like the path is scenic.
How do I let go? I don’t. I’m a helicopter parent and I’ll probably be like that until I die:D
Lessons in Letting Go
Semester abroad? But she just started kindergarten!
Posted by Lynn Wehner in Family on Monday, January 17, 2011 9:00 AM
So, our eldest daughter got on a plane on Saturday and flew all night. When she landed Sunday morning, she was in Europe. It’s worth noting that I, my friends, am not in Europe. I am at home in the U.S., musing about my range of thoughts and emotions — excited for her, missing her, and wondering how we even got here.
As moms and dads, every fiber of our being tells us that parenthood is about nurturing, drawing close, protecting — about holding on. And it is. It most certainly is. But often parenthood is also about letting go. And just when we think we’ve figured out the secret to doing it well, we have to let go again. And yet again.
I remember the first time Allie got on a school bus for kindergarten. My husband was videotaping the momentous event that was happening at the end of our driveway. What did he capture on film at that vital instant, as she skipped up the bus stairs? The simple blur of a swinging ponytail.
She was off, ready for her new adventure — and about to spend a few hours away from her loving parents with people we basically did not know from Adam. It was weird then, and it’s weird now, as I think about it many years later.
In the time since then, though, there have been countless escalating “opportunities” for me to let go: “drop-off” birthday parties, allowing her to go to the movies with friends, handing her the car keys, bringing her to college.
Some things on that list seem bigger than others. But they’re all big. Allie grew with each and every one. And so did I. As parents, all we can do is to lovingly pray and discern as each opportunity comes along — offering a cautious “No” or breathing deeply and giving a more lenient “Yes,” as the Lord guides our minds and hearts.
If we do have our hearts open, we are served with constant reminders that our children are not our own — but God’s. Our children share a journey with us, but their journey is also their own. They must explore, branch out, find love beyond our families — and sometimes even travel to faraway places without us.
I wait with enormous excitement for her updates and pictures of her travels. But as for the whole “being on separate continents” thing, how will I handle the next few months? I hope with more faith than fear. I hope with more trust than doubt. I know with constant prayer to Our Heavenly Father … and to Our Lady, who understands what it is to trust and let go.
How do you deal with letting go in your life?
Comments
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Posted by Lynn Wehner on Monday, Jan 17, 2011 1:14 PM (EDT):
I totally love that image, Kristi - God’s plan having “path that is scenic.” I pray that I can breathe deeply and enjoy that scenery from afar in the coming months 
As for your being a helicopter parent, I remember the number of times I had to say to myself, “It has to start somewhere. In a few years, she’ll be driving a CAR out of my driveway!” I didn’t want to let go, but knew it would happen, no matter how tightly I held her ... much better and more peaceful to do it in stages. I’m definitely better at this with her younger siblings. I’ll pray for you!
Posted by Susie on Monday, Jan 17, 2011 5:14 PM (EDT):
Lynn, I loved your post and your outlook on this new challenge. I am in a similar phase with my children. What I try to keep in mind is that God has given us these children to help us attain holiness (just as he gives us our spouse). So how we “handle” separation has much to do with where we are in our own spiritual life. Sounds like you will be just fine with your focus on prayer! If you aren’t already doing it, I recommend saying the rosary daily for your daughter. It will bring you much peace.
Posted by Lynn Wehner on Monday, Jan 17, 2011 11:59 PM (EDT):
Thanks for the Rosary reminder, Susie. Such a beautiful and powerful devotion ... I suppose I should just plan to live with the beads in my hand 
. Our whole family said a novena with/for her in the 9 days approaching her departure - to St. Raphael, patron of travelers. It was uniting and beautiful. I know prayer is the key ... but now to keep it front and center and not freak out when we have a communications dry spell - that’s where the real trust will come in!
Posted by laurajean on Monday, Jan 17, 2011 7:32 PM (EDT):
Great column, Lynn! my oldest is doing a semester in Rome this year, too, but doesn’t leave for a couple more weeks. She lives at home during a normal school year, though, so this is the first time she’ll be away from us (me!) for more than a day or two. I’m so happy for her, but will be glad when she’s back with us in May!
Posted by Jean on Monday, Jan 17, 2011 8:38 PM (EDT):
laurajean, is she doing a semester abroad through school? My husband and I met during our semester abroad in Rome through our university! She’ll have a fabulous time! I learned more about myself in my 4 months abroad than I did in the remaining 3 1/2 years of college. Blessings for safe and happy travel!
Posted by laurajean on Monday, Jan 17, 2011 9:38 PM (EDT):
Yes, she goes to Christendom, and most of the students go to Rome for one of their junior year semesters. She will study in Rome, but they have “official” side trips to various other places, as well as other times they can go off on their own. This is her first time traveling, but she’s a smart girl, so I’m not too worried!
Ah, the semester abroad. Our daughter went to Australia. She did very well. We skyped a few times, emailed and she kept a blog and posted pictures frequently on facebook. The time difference made skyping difficult. She grew, that’s for sure. As far as worrying, I let my friends do it for me!
I look at each step away as a step toward the persons my children are meant to become. I have also learned that being the parent of adults is fun and an adventure.
Posted by Lynn Wehner on Monday, Jan 17, 2011 11:49 PM (EDT):
Great wisdom, deanna ... each stepping away is a stepping toward And yes, I’m thankful for Facebook posts & pics! I lived in Spain my junior year of college, and I think I barely communicated with my folks. Today’s technology, used wisely, can be a great blessing.
Posted by Josephine A. Elder on Tuesday, Jan 18, 2011 2:09 PM (EDT):
I just went through this exactly one year ago when my daughter got on a flight to Paris for Spring Semester 2010. It ended up that she did not have any real sense of “community” with the other students from her state university as they were all “atheists or Buddhists,” as she said. Consequently, she talked to us on Skype almost an hour every day (we are on the east coast) just before she went to sleep. I also found facebook invaluable, because if she had been on it within 24 hours, I knew I didn’t have to worry.
The plus side was she said a lot of rosaries and visited a lot of Catholic churches as she had plenty of time for Jesus since she had no other friends. She came back an even stronger young woman—both spiritually and emotionally.
The other plus was that I was able to spend a week in Paris in May and we came back to Florida together. While I was there, we even took a trip to Lourdes, which had been a lifelong goal for me as my confirmation name is ‘Bernadette.’
May God bless your daughter and may she become the person He created her to be.
Posted by morningmama on Tuesday, Jan 18, 2011 4:56 PM (EDT):
Our daughter Elizabeth is in Singapore for a semester. I’ll keep Allie in my prayers if you could do the same for my dd? Hang in there mom! She is also our eldest and has taught us so much about letting go. It’s suppose to get easier, right?!
Posted by Lynn Wehner on Wednesday, Jan 26, 2011 12:25 PM (EDT):
I ABSOLUTELY will keep your daughter - and you! - in my prayers. And I know what you mean ... whoever sold us that bunk about it “getting easier” must not have been a parent. The “letting go opportunities” (how’s that for a nice way to put that?) just have higher and higher stakes, as their freedom takes us places we couldn’t even imagine when they were little. But we trust. And we pray. And we pray some more
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