Talking about the scandal that erupted around his biting into a blood capsule to fake injury in the Heineken Cup game against Leinster in April 2009, he admits that he was daft to have “made such an error… and gone along with it all”, that he suffered stress in the aftermath and considered quitting rugby.
Williams was originally suspended for 12 months, a sanction reduced to four months on appeal after he confessed his guilt in return for a lighter punishment.
He also revealed that he had been acting under the instructions of Quins director of rugby Dean Richards, testimony that led to Richards being banned for three years while various medical officers were either threatened with being struck off or faced severe disciplinary action.
Williams is not naive or self-serving enough to think that he alone suffered as result of the hugely contentious episode, one that brought a famous club into disrepute and caused many to lose their jobs.
Last Sunday in Toulouse was a symbolic moment for Williams, his impact on the hour from the bench turning the game and helping Quins to a famous away victory over the four-time European champions. Williams’s shuddering tackle on wing Vincent Clerc that led to a Quins try came 30 seconds after he was sent on and was his first piece of Heineken Cup action since that fateful match against Leinster.
“Perhaps it showed that I could have a positive impact on a rugby field rather than a sullied one,” Williams said. “It’s been a low, low time since then. It was such an error to have made, to have gone along with it, to have done it in the first place. It had such an impact on so many people and the club as well.
“The worry and stress were horrible, the sheer weight of knowing that other people were so affected by that one action. It’s the impact on them that I care about the most.
“It was all pretty horrible. It will stay with me long after I’ve finished playing rugby. Hopefully a lot of lessons have been learnt by a lot of people, no one more than myself. It will never go away, of course not, but I’m just glad it’s over and that Sunday may have been the start of something else.”
Is it too simplistic to say that it has taken him this long to recover from the experience?
“No, it isn’t,” Williams said. “It had a massive effect on me. I suffered from stress and lost a huge amount of confidence. In the depths of it all I was miserable, very miserable. I was completely disillusioned and seriously thought about giving up. It was such a shock. I see myself as a nice enough guy who genuinely would not want to hurt anyone. It was not a good time.”
Williams, 28, was vilified in some quarters for having revealed the whole truth of the story. It was his testimony that threw the spotlight on to Richards and others. It emerged that Williams drove a hard bargain in trying to wrest favourable terms on his own contract during the attempt to cover up the sorry mess. He eventually decided to unburden himself and come clean.
Richards is in the third year of his ban and has been linked with a job at Worcester when he is eligible to work again in rugby next August. A few days ago Williams bumped into Richards as he came out of a coffee shop. The pair had not spoken in more than two years.
“We’d seen each other at a distance but that was our first meeting really,” Williams said. “Dean is a real rugby man. There wasn’t a huge amount of conversation but we didn’t ignore each other. We shook hands.”
Williams was variously described as scheming and untrustworthy. In reality, he was placed under intolerable pressure. He is a genial, unassuming type. Small wonder that he was tempted to abandon his career.
“It would have been easy to walk away, to bury my head in the sand,” said Williams, who has 18 months left on his contract and aware at the time that he would have to face conflicting views of his own conduct in the Harlequins dressing room.
“The boys here have been outstanding. Of course, there have been comments from opposition fans. My girlfriend and family have been so supportive. Did I want to be remembered as someone who did something and disappeared? Or was it better to serve the ban, acknowledge and learn from mistakes, and come back?”
Williams, who missed the start of this season with a broken arm, has taken a long time to quell the inner turmoil, fading away last season after a promising start and falling down the rankings.
“You do begin to doubt yourself, wonder if you’ve lost your pace or your sharpness of thought,” said Williams, pressing now for a starting slot in the Twickenham Big Game against Saracens on Tuesday.
His reward for his match-altering moment against Toulouse on Sunday was an outing for the A team 24 hours later on a mud-heap at Henley against Wasps. “I’m just delighted to make a contribution. I’ll always be Tom Williams Bloodgate but I’d like to put something else to my name and help do something for the club. It will be nice to try and be known for my rugby.”
Finally, he is going the right way about it.
Steve James
Mick Cleary
Brian Moore