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[-]I am so against sleep away camp, to me, it is like you are dumping your kid, because you want to enjoy your summer. Just this week, someone described it in such an incredible way, that I am now seriously considering it for my DD (8). Please tell me everything you know - - any advice at all.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | MorePLEASE consider it!! It is so NOT dumping your kid. If I could still go to sleepaway I would. Every camp is different so its hard to explain what is so special about it. For me though, one of the best parts were the friendships. My camp friends are the people who I've known the longest and who know me best. I also was somewhat awkward growing up (or at least that's how I felt) but at camp it didn't matter. I could be myself and feel totally comfortable. Take the time to visit camps this summer. Spend the day there (with your DD) to really get an idea. I know a little about both the Maine camps and the Pocono camps if you are thinking about those.
[ Reply | More ]Sleepaway camp is the greatest thing ever to happen to childhood. It is many peoples favorite memories. It is a wonderful opportunity for children to grow up, branch out, explore, have fun and be someone other than who they are all year at school -- esp for people who aren't the popular crowd in school, it can be an environment where they blossom. Do it for your kids. Find a good match, they will cherish it forever.
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[-]Financial types please help. We have around 600k just sitting in checking and savings. Small mortgage 200k, maxing out 401k and 529s. Question is what can we do to make better interest? Should we do bonds, t bills, annuities? We are late 40s. Thanks for all your advice!
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Depends how much risk you can stomach. The Equity markets are volatile, but if you don't need to touch the money, you should be comfortable with a certain percentage in Equities, preferably high dividend / utility stocks. The rest in bonds, either muni's or corporates, forget treasuries, and don't buy an annuity. The fees are embedded and very high, there is no transparency, and there are lock ups.
[ Reply | More ]not investing it is probably the smartest thing you can do. I invested it with a financial advisor who promptly lost me 10 percent.
[ Reply | More ]This is a short-sighted and silly response. Did s/he lose 10% because you freaked and sold right away? Did they put your money that you need in the next 5 years in risky investments? Long-term, that 10% loss would be 100% or more gain. The market goes up an average of 11% per year.
[ Reply | More ]OR below: It doesn't. As the market continues to tank, that % decreases. Look at 5 and 10 year %. Honestly, the stock market needs to convince people to invest to keep it high. It's a giant shell game. In the old days (1950s, 1960s), stocks gave dividends and people earned money each year because corporation made money, not because they fixed the books to get the price of each stock share up. Until corporations return to that, it's a fool's game.
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[-]Both my mother and DH are extremely verbally abusive towards me. (I don't have this issue with anyone else in my life.) I am 8 months pregnant and really at my breaking point. Started going to therapy but today I locked myself in the bathroom and broke down and cried until I started throwing up. I have never felt so lonely in my life.
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreDH calls me names, curses at me, has zero respect for me. Mother comments on everything I do with my DC in a negative passive aggressive way.
[ Reply | More ]Can you try to have those people that love and respect you around more often right now? Perhaps a sister or close friend and preferaby someone both your dh and mother would be on their best behavior around. You really need support right now and the last thing you need is this crap when you have a dc and baby on the way. GL and you deserve better.
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[-]The nastiest thing you've heard on UB? Something that really turned your stomach?
33 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreJokes about real life tragic situations. Absolutely revolting and inexcusable. Then the reo
[ Reply | More ]The woman whose 4 year old took a dump and peed in the bathroom cause he was so disappointed that they couldn't go to the park, and she left him naked and whining and covered in crap. She came here looking for advice on a suitable punishment (as if leaving a crying 4 year old in his own shit wasn't enough.)
[ Reply | More ]not true. She cleaned him up before she left him naked and whining. And can you blame her? A 4 year old know exactly what they have done!!!
[ Reply | More ]Bullsh*t, he's 4. And, I do blame her. If he's that upset the solution should be to find out why and to help him, not leave a kid naked and crying. I'll bet money that this kid will be on drugs 10 years from now and she'll wonder why.
[ Reply | More ]Kids don't make themselves crap out of revenge. Sounds to me like the boy was so distressed he lost control.
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The whole 'Michelle Duggar miscarried her 20th baby' post was disgusting. No one had any sympathy for a woman who had a mc, as if a child meant nothing and was just fine to throw away just because she has so many others. What's the line? 10 kids? 12? 16? Then they don't matter?
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That's just cold. She found out her fetus had no heartbeat at 19 weeks. It's not like she's the first woman to do through a high risk pregnancy. Any woman who goes through something like that deserves sympathy. Or should we mock women who have had multiple miscarriages because they should have known better?
[ Reply | More ]Completely different ballgame. What about her other children? What happens to them while she is trying to have a 20th? She is completely disregarding her other children. It is crazy.
[ Reply | More ]No, it's really not. The amount of bile towards that woman is disgusting. You just know you could never be her so you don't have to extend human sympathies to her. You could be a woman with fertility issues, though, so naturally, you'd be nice to a woman like you.
[ Reply | More ]NP: I am sad for that baby. And I do feel sorry for the family, because I am sure that their pain is very real. But I do think that the parents are incredibly irresponsible, given her age, the number of children they already have, and the past pregnancy complications and doctor's orders to stop getting pregnant. They should be taking care of the children they have, rather than risking the mom's life to have more.
[ Reply | More ]it's one thing to have a discussion about extreme breeding and religion's influence over people and a wholly different thing to have no sympathy for a woman dealing with a late-term miscarriage. I just can't believe that there was almost no sympathy for her. People really must see her as a freakshow and not a woman.
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when the mom whose 18mo had died from a staph infection came on her for help writing his eulogy. It was heartbreaking. Did not seem fake.
[ Reply | More ]Someone said something terrible about babies with things like downs syndrome being disgusting and unfit to live. I couldn't believe somebody really felt that way about tiny helpless babies--babies who never asked to be here and need our love. Uggh.
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[-]Anybody else having pregnancy pounds to shed? So frustrating during the Holiday season, still 5 to go...
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | Morein the grand scheme of things, 5 lbs is nothing. Just enjoy the holidays and worry about it in January.
[ Reply | More ]I have 20lbs, and I am about to go crazy. Because I seem to have no self control when it comes to carbs. :(
[ Reply | More ]Chose wisely your carbs. Kamut pasta, brown rice or whole wheat pasta...check the labels and compare which one has more fiber and protein of everything before you buy.
[ Reply | More ]np: mmmmm, sounds delicious. That was sarcasm. To OR: just eat fewer carbs. If you are making pasta, add chickpeas for bulk, or lentils, and take out 1/3 of the pasta. Brown rice can be tasty. And quinoa and cous cous are always a good idea.
[ Reply | More ]hey! Kamut pasta is REALLY tasty, can't tell the difference from white pasta at all, at least the brand I buy.
[ Reply | More ]but pasta is fine for you. Italians eat white pasta every day and they're not obese. You just have to eat normal portions.
[ Reply | More ]np: pasta is fine in moderation, but whole grains are better than processed. it's not like white flour kills immediately--or obesity is the only bad health consequence.
[ Reply | More ]Pasta, that is good pasta, is made from semolina/durum wheat that is not too finely ground. It is processed in that the bran is out, so it is not as great a protein. BUT it doesn't break down as quickly on the glycemic index. In other words...white bread is way way worse than whole wheat, but true semolina pasta is not as terrible. I can totally tell the difference and I say, eat good pasta in moderation...get your whole grains elsewhere.
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np I have 30 pounds to lose. Just had our fourth and have lost all the pregnancy weight, but I had 30 to lose from the other 3 when I got pregnant so it feels like a small victory. Am wanting to start running again but I have a foot problem that may not allow me to. In any event, all the eating and drinking at holiday time is making me feel like crap. I should probably just stick to my diet and I'll feel so much better!
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[-]dc might be n only child because i'm afraid that I won't love the xecond as much and a second couldn't possibly be this good. He was an easy baby, happy toddler and bright preschooler. I just can only imagine a second messing up (not adding to) the applecart.
26 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreWhat if you had had #2 first, and #1 second? Do you think you would love him any less? Of course not!
[ Reply | More ]Ok, so don't have one. You sound like you want to be convinced, which is extremely immature and not worthy of an adult mother. If you don't think you can handle a child who is 99% likely to be different than your first, don't have a second child.
[ Reply | More ]ITA. DS was a difficult baby, anxious toddler... and things just now aren't a struggle at all times. Can't do it again.
[ Reply | More ]I felt exactly as you about DC1 and was totally surprised how I was able to love DC2 as much. Icing on the applecart, so to speak. Mine are about 4 years apart, which has been perfect for us. But if I had stopped at 1, that would have been perfect, too.
[ Reply | More ]If we did it, even getting preg tomorrow they'd be. 5 yrs apart. That would be ggod but dh is worried if second is a boy the first would be soo much physically stro ger that it m8ght be an issue - projecting from ho
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and if DH's parents had stopped at one, you would not have had your DH and your DC. are you an only child?
[ Reply | More ]Good point. I am an only. My folks are not pushing us to have a second (they don't think we have the money - we do if dc 1 gets into a g&t but not if we have to swing private in nyc) dh would like a second but has made some job changes recently so until that picks up, any discussion of db # 2 is on hold. This is just my thinking about possible futures.
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So these are your reasons for not having one. Do you have any pros? Do you want this child to have a sibling? Do you look at babies with longing? Would you like to try the other gender on for size?
[ Reply | More ]My first/only is a challenge terrible sleeper, picky eater and I also am worried I won't love a second as much as I love her. I think it's a normal feeling.
[ Reply | More ]Thanks for admitting that. It's good to hear that even if the first isn't easy to parent someone might feel the same way. Dh has reminded me that I wasn't sure I could love the first at all/ I wouldn't be a good mommy etc. How old is your first/only? What do you think might push you one way or the other?
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OP, whatever happens, you'll be ok. Only children are ok. If you have a second baby, he or she will become part of your family in a way that makes you say, "I just can't imagine our family without him." And you'll be so happy you took the leap. But you'll all be fine either way.
[ Reply | More ]I know that it's true - onlies can be fine AND that the second would be loved. I guess part of the fear is that if dh and I Iand grandpaerents who are very involved) give love and attention to a second that it might also hurt/upset/impact the dc I already have. That could happen too right?
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I think you're being a little shortsighted if you already think you've gotten off easy. He could still be a rebel teenager, or a slacker adult who's still mooching off you at 25.
[ Reply | More ]i am the same way...plus, financial considerations, + visit friends who are having babies or just have had babies, and I have no envy at all. It just makes me glad that baby stuff is all over for me.
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[-]Thanks for the comments! Unfortunately we have had multiple discussions about her frequent tardiness and she always attributes it to the commute and says it is out of her control (delayed trains etc). Recently I was close to letting her go and she got a little bit better but still not ideal. (Official start time is 8:15 but she mostly arrives 8:45am) i have let it slide because my daughter is comfortable with her and I have a flexible start time for work in the morning but I think my husband and I need to re-assess. I think I am going to give her a bonus that is not a full week and in the unlikely event she asks me why it is less than a week I will have to explain. At the end of the day I shouldn't feel like I won't be able to find someone ...
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreDON'T be passive aggressive!! If you're unhappy, sit down and have the annual review. Communication is SOOO important in the nanny/employer relationship!
[ Reply | More ]Half an hour late, regularly? That is insane. She needs to leave earlier and plan for delays, just like everybody else does. Fire her, don't mess around with this bonus stuff.
[ Reply | More ]she gets a warning with a suggestion to leave her house earlier in the morning so that she gets to work on time - she screws it up again, then you have to get someone new....very unprofessional on her part
[ Reply | More ]I think this is fair. I hired a nanny that was late twice in the first two weeks, with similar excuses, and I fired her. I am so happy I did... found a nanny who was so much more professional. I knew I could depend on her, and my kids loved her. She was great. OP, you can do better.
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I used to be chronically late, and let me tell you, it wasn't because of the commute. Well, sometimes it was, but not all the time. Most of the time I just left my house with the exact amount of time to spare, so if there was the slightest mishap I was late. I've since grown up, and i'm late maybe 1 time every 2 weeks because of buses. Thing is, being late turns you into a liar and a bad employee, and that's not acceptable. I think you should start docking her pay when she's late. It will give her an incentive to do ner job better.
[ Reply | More ]We had the exact same problem. I asked her to stay later in the evening on days she was late--so if she was 45 min late in the am, she had to stay 45 min late in the pm. When that didn't work we told her if she was late five times in a row she would be docked in pay for the equivalent amount of time.
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[-]I don't get it. Why doesn't the Amazon Kindle Fire come with 3G? The other version of Kindle do, but their web browsers suck. Why not add it to the Fire? It's a total waste on the others. I am not buying an i-pad, but there are no good alternatives. I can't really on wifi, need 3G. Just looking to read and check email. Any other suggestions?
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[-]Had a really bad end to things with long term boyfriend (he cheated) about a year ago. I feel kind of broken -- just can't get interested in men, can't meet anyone I feel like spending time with. Have been on plenty of dates, just am in a huge rut and can't imagine starting anything new with any guy. Is this normal? I am still pretty sad.
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreNormal. I posted earlier about seeing my ex-BF after bad breakup 18 months ago; still can't get him out of my head and am angry, despite dating several other guys in the interim... hate the feeling that I can't move forward. Ugh. I think we both have to keep trying, keep getting out there and we will find a great guy....
[ Reply | More ]thanks. I'm sorry you ran into him. how old are you, and how long did you date him?
[ Reply | More ]I am 50, a widow (he is a widower), and we dated for 10 months. Thought we had something very special together, and then it all blew up. I was devastated; really need to move on now (he is marrying someone else)
[ Reply | More ]I'm so sorry about everything. I hope you will consider him as good practice for dating and finding love again. I am 31...feel like it's never going to happen for me. really sad about it.
[ Reply | More ]Thank you. I definitely value the experience with him; I learned that I am able to meet someone and fall deeply in love again (wasn't sure I could do this). You will find someone who is GOOD for you. Someone who cheats is not worthy of your love... keep looking for that great guy who is. Good luck!
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Thankfully he is marrying someone else! A cheater is always a cheater. Best that he is not cheating on you! Take a deep breath, stand up tall, and affirm to yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, love, and honesty. GL - Mr. Right is out there for you!
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[-]I just checked my credit report and noticed that my mother has taken out several department store credit cards and personal loans with me as her co-signer. She never told me about this and now I am worried. Am I responsible for these loans.
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I don't know. It's possible, I guess, but she also pulled out a home equity loan on her house for $590K and used me as the co-signer. I can see getting away with opening up a Target credit card, but taking out a home loan for a half a million? Wouldn't the bank have required my presence or something? I am very confused by this. Also, a couple of these things were done when I was a minor
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So what are you going to do about it? Will you at least confront your mother and ask her about it?
[ Reply | More ]I emailed her last night since she's in a different time zone and I didn't want to wake her with a confrontation. I will be calling in a few hours. I was on the phone with Experian for over an hour verifying who I am and they told me that within 72 hours all of the info will be taken off of my credit report, which makes me think that this isn't as big a deal as I had thought. It should also be noted that my mother and I have the same first & last name, plus I've been using her address as my home address for the past four years, so is it possible that it was a mistake in the reporting? But then I see that I was used as the co-signer, which can only mean one thing. I don't want to get angry before I am aware of all the possible reasons.
[ Reply | More ]If you have the same first and last name, it is definitely possible this is all just a credit reporting issue. DH has the same first and last name as his dad, and we end up with his info on our credit report all the time. Sometimes in ways that defy logic - like it will show DH opened an American Express account 10 years before he was born - and make it clear no one is vetting this stuff.
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Get your own address, even if just a post office box. Put a fraud block on all 3 credit reporting agencies, forcing them to call you when credit is attempting to be gotten in your name. If you Mom did this, and it is not just mistake, she is a thief that needs to be prosecuted.
[ Reply | More ]this is identity theft and if you don't want to be responsible for the loans/credit cards you need to file a report against your mom. your mom has a problem.
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[-]twelve year old gets so anxious at parties, especially where there are boys, she goes to SS. Anyone else?
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreA major downside of the SS schools, I'd say. After 7 years of minimal exposure to boys, it's hard to dump her into a mixed gender setting in the middle of puberty without behavioral risks. I think the concern is that she decides that the way to attract male attention is to slut it up.
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Gifting up question: is *any* gifting up verboten, or just no gifting to your manager, director, etc.? There are few people in my co. who are technically "higher" than I, but I don't report to them and have a collegial relationship. Is it okay to give them gifts for the holidays?
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[-]I am so pissed at my husband. He works with a major rock band and makes less than $40k per year. He has worked with them for years and they "value" him because he's in a unique position. Yes, one of NOT getting paid what he's worth. He gets a 2 percent raise when he gets a review, though he hasn't had a review in YEARS, his boss (not in the band) is a complete, short-sighted nut job and he's too meek to stand up for himself. He gets to travel, often in very high style, to every corner of the world and stay in first-class hotels, leaving me behind with our boring life. So this job has its ups (for him) while for me it does nothing to enhance our lifestyle. I'm so over it. He'll never make enough $ for us to live on with this situatio...
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Listen to me now. My husband was one of the original people who worked for Virgin. He also was a band manager. Now he has no where to go to change jobs - he went into special events. Maybe find out if your dh can eventually transition into something else. I assume you are still young. Maybe he wants to do this for a few more years and then switch out. To the person mentioning 40K - think of it as almost savings. Most of these jobs pay for everything, special benefits and you don't pay for much of anything so in reality it's really much higher than 40K. Hard for a married person but easy to even save if you are single. Unfortunately this business doesn't seem to think anyone deserves a raise and people are still earning what they did 20 y...
[ Reply | More ]OP here. I'm sorry to say that we're both in our mid-40s and that while my husband works only part-time at this job, he indeed makes about $40k/year. He is employed by the band and reaps all the benefits (travel and experiences, equipment, health insurance, etc), but his job does very little to enhance our lives together. His stupid, useless boss hasn't shared details about profit-sharing in years, so he has no idea how much has been contributed. We live very simply but often I wish I'd married someone ambitious, with real fire in his belly. I'm getting very tired of dreaming of a vacation. Some day it'd be nice for us to actually take one, ya know? He does other work and earns $ there but what really and TRULY irks me is his inability,...
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[-]American Girl Doll question: No flames please -- am conflicted but have decided to give my DD one for Christmas. She wants one who 'goes to school'. Which one would that be? Does one have more school-related accessories than another? Thanks.
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[-]UWS moms - where did dc go to camp last year & will you do again? looking for recommendations for 4yo ds. TIA.
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[-]What do I have to do to get my DCs friends to call me Mrs. Jones? I don't like them calling me by my first name.
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np That's a little awkward. I think it's better to say something to YOUR kid like "Mrs. Anderson is hosting your playdate today; isn't that nice?!" Done in front of the mom whose kid is calling you by first name.
[ Reply | More ]meh. i'm pretty direct, esp when helping another kid (or my own) understand manners.
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nnp. Rude?? To ask a child to call you Mrs. Jones? When I was a kid we just knew to say Mrs. Jones as a default. Also, you could absolutely tell which parents wanted Mr and Mrs and which wanted first names. Kids today don't care, because their parents don't teach them. IMO, THAT is rude. And I'm only 27.
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Don't think that will work - the other mom will just say, "please call me Jill!" And not likely take the hint that you want to be called Mrs. Jones. If you want to be called Mrs. Jones, you're going to have to say so. You can't control the way other people feel about that - they're probably not going to like it, though.
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np "Society" needs to get its act together, imo. I'm all for progress, but for some reason people think anything goes--and that's not right
[ Reply | More ]Things change. Do you address your co-workers formally? Did you ask your boss permission to use their first name in the office. Do you address your elders using Sir or Ma'am? I have no problem with OP wanting be addressed as Mrs. Huxatable, but to say a kid addressing an adult by their first name means it's the end of the world as we know it is lunacy.
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you simply have to ask. when kids say "mrs. so and so" I say "call me --" (my first name) and it works perfectly.
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You'll have to compromise as they have already gotten into the habit. Just say.... "Call me Miss Carolyn from now on." That will go down smoother than "Mrs. Brady." I don't have a problem with my d
[ Reply | More ]This Miss/Mr + first name seems to be really common, at least in the South. Moved here and it seems like this is what I always am hearing. Even in the "classes" I take with my 18month old the instructors always introduce themselves as Miss Louise etc. Don't think I ever heard this before moving here
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Good manners are not valued up north. The only place where children are routinely taught to address adults formally is in the South and in Texas.
[ Reply | More ]I hear what you're saying, but honestly, I'd leave it if it's already been going on. What I'm more concerned about is getting my kids to call adults by Mr. or Mrs. It's the way I was raised and it makes me cringe when MIL introduces her friends to dcs by first name and then dc's adopt that. I never called parents' or grandparents' friends by first names BUT it's a delicate thing to insist in certain instances because it's also not worth offending people. I walk a tightrope on this issue, telling dc's to address by Mr. and Mrs. unless the person introduces as first name. Times, unfortunately, are changing. sigh.
[ Reply | More ]I grew up in the 70s and 80s and always called my parents' friends by their first names. Times changed quite a while ago.
[ Reply | More ]well if your MIL introduces people in that manner then that is the way these people want to be addressed I assume. The best is to teach your children to call people by what they prefer - be it mr, mrs or first names. Some of us do not like the formality of mr or mrs and find it dated and uncomfortable. Others prefer mr and mrs. If kids are told just one name - be it either way - then they should be able to follow that rule. It gets more confusing to give them 2 names to remember for each person.
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Everything in our society is less formal than it used to be. This is no more detrimental a trend than any of the rest. If you want them to call you by your last name you need to ask them to call you by your last name. I've taught my kids to use last names unless instructed otherwise, but think it's stuffy and weird when people actually insist on being Mrs. X.
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