UrbanBaby Asks...
Do you 'enjoy' spending time with your kids?
- Yes, most of the time we really have fun together
- Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's really dull and aggravating
- Honestly most of the time it's not fun at all, but it's not supposed to be fun
- I really don't enjoy it at all, and wish I could spend less time with them
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Went to the home of a couple who recently moved to the area yesterday. DH said to the wife during conversation about food, You don't know about new gourmet supermarket X! I'll take you there. They have..... (Repeated that he would take her there a few times. (DH does the food shopping in our family and is a real foodie. I know he loves new gourmet supermarket X. Not the issue. If he said this to her husband, I would be fine with it.) (Her husband was not in the room at the time.) Thinking about it and want to address the issue in a quick, non-confrontational way with DH. What would you say to DH?
54 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreSweetie I really like so and so couple. I know you mean well & it's all about the artisanal cheese, but probably better not follow through on that offer to take Ashley over to___. You are way too sexy when you're all in the food element.... Then I have to cut a b!t(h. Think it's best to avoid all that.
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I don't understand what the issue is. Is it that you think men and women can't be friends, or that grocery shopping is such an inherently sexy activity that married people can't be trusted to do it with a member of the opposite sex?
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I would not care. You make the assumption he would cheat. I think that when people assume others would cheat it is due to two reasons; either the person has been cheated on before (or parents did) or they themselves might.
[ Reply | More ]I don't believe that ANYONE is immune from cheating, and I don't fit into any of your categories. I won't cheat because I will not put myself into a position to cheat. Married people have no business hanging out alone with the opposite sex (or whatever sex they are attracted to). It starts out with something innocent like this. Over time they form a friendship and start to confide in each other about their spouses. Then eventually you have a fight with your spouse and you share that with your friend, and your friend bonds with you because they understand, they've BTDT. Then suddenly they become even more attractive and you think about them. You think about them more than your spouse. You think of the funny thing they said, you imagine holding hands with them, then you imagine kissing them and so on. You have the affair in your mind before you ever act on it. Eventually you can't help yourself, you have to have them. And you were a person who would never cheat!
[ Reply | More ]My good friend's dh and I share a common love of a particular series of books and have gone to see movies, book signings, and other related events together. My df could not care less. And if df's dh ever made a pass at me, I would seriously believe that his body had been possessed by evil aliens. As for me, I would never look at or think of him in any way other than a friend with a common interest. What is wrong with you people?
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Oh geez. DH & I had a foodie friend with 2 DCs, we also have 2 DCs. He takes us to places all over the city and beyond to buy... tomatoes. It is just hanging around. If DH is traveling I go with him, he is a planner, so he makes all planes and text couple of friends with kids to see who join him. For foddie ppl, food is the way to make friendship, they think highly of a supermarket excursion, specially if it is a gourmet supermarket. I would not act jealously over this, evidently he wants to rich out to this new friends. I never put maliciously pepperish thoughts in my DH mind, I dont point at woman that may threaten me or make me feel jealous, I go tangentially in those cases.
[ Reply | More ]I am not a jealous person, but no way would I let my dh go shopping with another woman, that is just weird. I am not sure how I would phrase it though. Of course women and men can be friends, but you don't go out looking for opposite sex friends as a married person, common sense. They tend to be old friends, old partners, whatever.
[ Reply | More ]I don't think OP's DH was "looking for opposite sex friend." If someone shared an interest in something I do, I would extend an invitation to the next outing, supermarket, class, what have you. It wouldn't occur to me to do something just because (or not do something) they're of the opposite sex.
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OP-Interesting comments. I don't think my DH would have an affair. (Also, if he chose to go that route there is not much I could do to stop it.) However, that being said, if he actually chose to meet a woman that I am not friends with, I would feel uncomfortable with it. I don't want a confrontation with him. I am not an extremely jeleous person - DH goes out without me often. I am completely fine with that. I just trust my gut.
[ Reply | More ]I think you're getting excessive flack for this. I trust my DH completely, and would not be concerned about him cheating just because he went shopping with a female. But I do think it's a little weird to make this sort of offer to a new friend. The situation you describe would be something I prefer he not do. Going somewhere with a female is not a problem. It's more that there's something a little awkward about offering to do something like this with just the two of them when you all are just getting to know each other.
[ Reply | More ]DH here. I would not have done this. Not because I am likely to cheat if I'm alone with a woman, but because I think it's better to err on the conservative side when it comes to opposite sex relationships. I've spent time with female friends alone before. But I wouldn't make this sort of offer to a new friend.
[ Reply | More ]I go out on occasion with male friends without DH and he with females without me. But that is our close, long-time friends. People we've both known since college, and such. It happens occasionally because it just happens to work out that way, but I would find it odd if one of us set something up like this with a new friend.
[ Reply | More ]I would find it a little weird if a male friend repeatedly suggested something like this. My DH might say "oh you should come with US sometime", and if somehow it worked out that I couldn't go I wouldn't necessarily mind them going alone. Offering it as a "just you and me thing" though would bug me a little.
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I think I'd mention to DH that some women could read that as a come on and it might have made the other woman uncomfortable if she's one of them. Honestly, if a married man told me to come with him to a new place alone, without his wife, I'd be uncomfortable and I'd think he was hitting on me or I might be paranoid that the wife might feel awkward about it. I might have said, "let's go with you and your wife together." I think your dh is well meaning but too innocent and naive.
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