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[+] What do you think about someone who holds grudges? 36 replies
- Yeah, I guess it is a gray area. The problem for me was that they slept with my boyfriends. Two different girls, two different guys. And THEN they would bring the guys around me on dates, etc to my parties. One girl showed up at my birthday party with my ex-bf one time, the other guy worked at my gym and his girlfriend would go hang out at the gym, invite him when the two of us were hanging out, etc. I tried to forgive both of them, but it really hurt me...
Talk : : November 24, 2011
What do you think about someone who holds grudges?
36 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.24.11, 05:55 AM Flag ]-
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Same question for me. Have cut person out of my life after stupid fight and miss my dear friend terribly. We are both equally stubborn and both said awful things to each other. I won't grovel for anyone, though.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 08:52 AM FlagWhat you call "grovelling" sounds more like a refusal to openly admit your own role in the fight. If this person is really someone who was close to you, maybe a letter to her recognizing your shortcomings and telling her how much she has meant to you over the years should be considered.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 09:21 AM Flag
What's the difference between holding a grudge and eliminating toxic people from your life?
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 09:13 AM FlagIMO, holding the grudge causes ongoing tension. Eliminating toxic people allows both parties to move on.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 09:16 AM FlagHmm...so with a grudge you are still interacting with the other person, possibly through forced social settings, school, work, family, mutual friends? I eliminated all of my toxic friends last year. But I feel like I did it mostly because I was holding a grudge that I couldn't get over. Fortunately I never HAD to see any of them again, although we work in the same industry and we could cross paths again. But I knew I wasn't "mature enough" or capable of forgiving what they did, so I just removed myself from the situation. Some things are too hard to forgive.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 09:18 AM Flagyes, that's exactly what I'm saying. in my view there is no grudge once you've 86'd the person from your life.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 09:20 AM Flag^and I actually believe you were "mature enough" by doing just that, rather than continuing to make yourself and other people miserable.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 09:21 AM FlagI think I do a pretty good job at letting the small stuff go. I get huffy for a day or so about some issues, but at the end of the day I am happy with my life, and there isn't much that can really take that away or that is worth stressing over. I even forgave the guy who have me a curable STD.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 09:24 AM Flag
npp Disagree. You can cut someone from your life with good reason but still let that hate affect you way too much for way too long. That would be holding a grudge (vs getting rid of toxic person and moving on happily with your life)
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 09:26 AM FlagYeah, I guess it is a gray area. The problem for me was that they slept with my boyfriends. Two different girls, two different guys. And THEN they would bring the guys around me on dates, etc to my parties. One girl showed up at my birthday party with my ex-bf one time, the other guy worked at my gym and his girlfriend would go hang out at the gym, invite him when the two of us were hanging out, etc. I tried to forgive both of them, but it really hurt me and I couldn't take it any more, so I told them why I was ending the friendships, I made new friends and I've moved on for the most part. I don't really dwell on it. Sometimes I am sad I ended those friendships, there were good aspects of them, but the bad outweighed the good.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 09:29 AM Flag
If there weren't people who held grudges, we'd hardly have any posts here on UB.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 09:17 AM Flag
[+] My son just turned 4 and has never watched television. I am just curious how many oth... 59 replies
- to be an insult). I think it would be more honorable to lead by example and watch little or no tv yourself--banning television/media will get harder for your child as he/she gets older. How will you handle sleepovers? Movie birthdays? I think flexibility is the compassionate response in these cases....
Talk : : November 23, 2011
My son just turned 4 and has never watched television. I am just curious how many other moms have made the choice not to introduce TV to their toddlers/preschoolers? I am a single mom and it hasn't always been easy, but I think the rewards are great.
59 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.23.11, 07:18 PM Flag ]-
Well, I would say for me (and of course all of these subjects are totally personal and specific to one's own child/family etc.) it has mean much more interaction with me and with other adults, and also, I believe, contributed to his wild sense of imagination as he creates scenarios with his trains, animals (live and stuffed), books, and so on. I am not saying kids who watch TV don't can't do this- but I do feel there is much more time and opportunity for it without the box. Also, I notice when I watch it which is not too often, I lose a sens
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:26 PM FlagI'm with you on creative play being great. BUT - I caution you on attributing the fact that your 4 year old is creative to your decision not to let him watch TV. 4 year olds are creative, wild creatures. They can make an octopus out of a PBJ, create complicated fantasy games with pieces of popcorn, it is what they do. And a very nice person can quickly start sounding like an annoying sanctimommy if she goes on about her kid being creative because he doesn't watch TV. The TV watchers are really just as wildly, phenomenally creative, I promise.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:40 PM FlagExactly. Which is why I was careful to note (above): "I am not saying kids who watch TV don't can't do this..." For me, it was, as I wrote, primarily an issue of wanting to spend as much time with my child as possible in these early years, and wanting him to play with other kids and adults too since he has no siblings. It could also partly be that I regret how much time I myself wasted in front of the TV as a kid. And to clarify: in my original post I asked this out of pure curiosity and tried to answer someone's question frankly about the rewards for _me/us_. I can only speak about my own child and would never attempt to judge the way another parent chooses to raise his/her child. I do not discuss this with other parents at his preschool precisely because I do not want to seem that I am being judgmental. I thought that here, since no one knows who the posters are, there could be some honest and frank communication. I am new to this site, and I guess I didn't quite understand the modus operandi of the place...now I do a bit more. There were definitely some sincere and helpful comments in the mix out there, so thank you for those.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 08:20 PM Flag
i guess i don't think the rewards are great. i grew up without tv and it was kind of socially debilitating. i'm not sure you are doing your child any favors, despite your hard work. i think it would be better to allow judicious viewing, so that he isn't bereft of the cultural references the rest of his generation shares for the rest of his life.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:23 PM FlagWell, again it all depends on the person for sure. I teach a college course in music and half of the kids are totally keyed in to all cultural references and half are clueless! True that some of the latter come from foreign countries, but by no means all. I imagine in a city such as NY the TV-less child will have plenty of cultural references around. And just to note, it has not been hard work at all. Since he never really grew up with it on and surrounding his world, he doesn't seem to want/need/miss it. At least for the time being.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:33 PM FlagI said that it was hard work because you said that "it hasn't been easy" in your original post. I'm not sure what cultural references you think that an NYC child will pick up (that kids in other areas would not), but I will say that I know a number of other kids that grew up without tv, and all of them seem to have a similar view of this part of their childhood. That it was a well-intentioned act on the part of their clueless, usually academic parents (I'm a prof too, so that's not supposed to be an insult). I think it would be more honorable to lead by example and watch little or no tv yourself--banning television/media will get harder for your child as he/she gets older. How will you handle sleepovers? Movie birthdays? I think flexibility is the compassionate response in these cases.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:55 PM Flag^^Just to say, nobody I know has been grateful to their parents for denying them tv. My husband's parents also refused to allow a tv in their home. I asked him how he felt about it and he rolled his eyes. His parents are both kooky professors.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:56 PM FlagNp: I agree with you. We don't have a TV, but will get one at some point. DD is only 2. When she's seen tv at other homes, she has zero interest But we don't want our kid to feel like her family isn't "normal." And we want her to be aware of the TV world. Of course there's no such thing as normal, and DH and I are happy to be what some might call kooky, but we don't NEED our kid to not watch tv. I think it's a drag that kid culture is tv, and that it's SUCH crap, but it is what it is. We aren't cut out to live off the grid, and aren't easily employable anywhere but here.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 04:32 AM Flag
It hasn't been hard work to keep him away from the TV at all; it has been hard work not to use it as a babysitter substitute and I have been tempted to do so many times. I have seen my friends/neighbors/relatives do this (with their very nice and bright kids) but I always thought I wouldn't want to do that with my child and I haven't. I am not speaking of the future or longterm - I know he will get connected to TV at some point through (if nothing else) sleepovers and such and at some point this will be his own choice. I just felt I wanted to focus on other things in these very early years, and did, that's all. I see we are in the extreme minority, but that's the case with lots of other things in life too, so it's all OK!
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 08:28 PM Flag
No television, or nothing on a screen at all (i.e. no DVDs.) We don't have cable cause we're on a tight budget and kind of cheap and don't want it. I have always had DVDs around though, for the kids after age 2. If you're a single mom whose kid has never watched I video I've got to hand it to you - you've got some serious grit.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:25 PM FlagHe has watched some DVDs in the past and enjoyed them (Thomas the Train; Paddington Bear; Little Bear; music videos) but just not mainstream TV. But again, mostly he's into his books, music, imaginary play, trains, and so on.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:29 PM FlagThat's awesome, that's the best kind of play. I'm the OR from above and we don't have cable so there's a lot my kids don't see. But I do agree with poster who points out that it also isn't great to create a media-free bubble for your kid after a certain age. You want them to be thoughtful consumers of media, and to do that they need to see some of it and be able to talk about it. Also, at some point cultural reference points matter to kids, and so it is helpful in peer situations if they know the shows/bands etc that people are talking about. Just a balancing act, I guess.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:33 PM FlagHonestly, no little kids watch what you refer to as "mainstream tv." DVDs, Nick Jr. or PBS kids on demand on on DVR, that's what kids watch. To say your kid has never watched TV when he watches DVDs is a 1970s view of TV.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:37 PM FlagOh, thanks for the clarification. I really know very little about it - true, I am a child of the 70s and watched a lot of TV myself. Obviously things have changed! Somehow I was under the assumption that kids (still) do the Saturday morning cartoon thing.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:42 PM Flagnp: ITA! I have a friend who says her DC never watch tv, but she'll pop in a video a couple of times/week. Absolutely no difference.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:43 PM Flag
And you have WON, 10 million dollllaaaaarrs!!!!!!! OK. Next. I have to say, my kids watch very, very little TV as well - but quite honestly, I don't think it matters at all. My sibs and I watched a ton and we all went to great colleges and had great careers. We were also very social.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:34 PM FlagAs a matter of fact: so did I. A LOT. And bad TV. In the South. Now I am a prof. at a university in NYC and a musician (exactly what I hoped to be one day.) Maybe I would be a better one or other had I not had so much TV? Who knows. But back to my choice for DS: I think in truth that part of my reason was because I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him (I know, roll your eyes) but it's my truth. I am a single (older) mom, a widow, and this child was really wanted.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:41 PM Flagnp: i think you have to be careful about making parenting decisions that are based on what you want (a single, widowed, older mom) based on what is best for your child. not trying to flame at all, but i think it is really easy for single moms who desperately want kids to be a little too clingy and controlling.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:59 PM FlagOf course. That's probably what we all have to guard against at any age/place in life. Personally, I try to follow my child's lead (progressive and all that, unlike my own upbringing) and he seems to be interested in so many other things than TV- music, for example and not the instrument I play or necessarily *wanted* him to play! He likes my computer so I do allow him to practice his writing on it or draw (the two things he seems to want to do on it.) In other words, I agree with this advice and try to live by it.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 08:04 PM Flag
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Nope - TV, iPad, computer, etc. - all part of modern life. I'm a big believer that restricting/ banning anything just causes issues. We're a very active family and we're not home much. I have no problem w/ a little Nick Jr. or PBS Kids. We also have several live concerts on DVR. My boys are super active and 15 min. of TV winds them down. They have wild imaginations and love pretend play, trains, blocks, legos, cars, puzzles, sports, music etc. It's fine if you choose not to have TV - but don't walk around looking down your nose at others - your kids will have no chance in life.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:38 PM FlagOh wow, I would be the last to look my nose down at anyone based on this (of all things!) Some of my best friends allow their kids lots of TV, and they are great kids in great schools. I was just wondering, and at this point am now more curious about what types of good shows there are for kids.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:47 PM FlagI don't know what is currently being broadcast, but here are the shows my kids liked to watch on DVDs at that age - Magic School Bus, Blues Clues, Little House on the Prairie (yes the old 70s show, dd couldn't get enough of it), Scooby Doo, Handy Manny, Dinosaur Train, Madeline, Sesame Street. Some more educational than others, obviously. Take a trip to your library and peruse the video section, there's tons of great stuff out there for kids.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:54 PM Flag
Every adult I know who grew up without a TV (and there were a few) is totally addicted now. We try and teach our DC moderation and how to turn the TV off and move on to other things.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:45 PM FlagHave no idea what "rewards" there are. How can you know? My 2nd child had no interest in TV until about 8, while my first was and still is addicted to TV. He's in college, loves catching up on shows on Hulu, wants a career in entertainment and gets straight A's. He also is a voracious reader. I don't see any "rewards" in being TV free in his case.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 08:30 PM FlagThis is the most surreal, purportedly real, thing I have read all day or all night today. So like, we have not just one, but an actual faction, of parents talking about being pseudo-Amish in the middle of Manhattan, confessing about that, and seeking validation from anonymous others to boot? There is just too much to reply to here.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 09:37 PM FlagWe don't watch TV either. I think it's way more common to be a non-TV family nowadays than in the 70s and 80s when I was growing up. It's possible to know most children's TV characters through books alone. My kids spend a ton of time reading (we check out about 200 library books each week) and are good at entertaining themselves creatively.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 12:58 AM FlagFirst, there is no possibility that you check out 200 library books each week. Second, when I was growing up in the 1970s in NYC, no TV was VERY common, as there wasn't much on TV and parents, having not grown up with TV were wary of it. But if you grew up in the suburbs, there was probably a lot of TV watching, as there was nothing else to do.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 06:46 AM Flag
We don't have a TV, and my daughter never watched much at other kids' houses either (she's older now). It wasn't a big deal or a conscious decision for us -- we just don't like TV -- but the rewards were huge. Main one is that she was/is really never bored. She's always read a lot, she learned to find ways to entertain herself early on, and she still has no trouble finding something to do. I think she's also way less materialistic and acquisitive than most teenagers. Also happier than most of her peers, I think, although not sure that's because of the TV or brain chemistry.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 04:03 AM FlagI am the original poster and I too and to reiterate: the rewards for us have been much quality time spent with books, games, writing stories, sports, travel, music lessons, dancing (at his preschool) and the wonderful Science and Nature Program at the AMNH.Our week is full without TV. As to the quaint Amish reference which made me laugh out loud, seriously, it just reminded me I need to go to their market in Grand Central and pick up some of their delicious bread! Happy T Day, all.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 04:22 AM Flag
does it matter that someone else made similar choices? Be secure with the choices you've made.
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 07:52 AM FlagMy motivation for the posting was one of curiosity, and to (perhaps) find a community of like-minded people out there. I didn't expect to defend, prove, or be an apologist for a no TV home. It is just my choice, and my son has thrived in this environment as he is extremely happy, loving, creative, and curious. His test scores (mandatory for certain schools not my choice, believe me) were extremely high. I am secure with my choices and never cared the least about appearing "normal" and am comfortable bucking the trends. Many of my life-style choices would be unpopular to the majority. But it's also funny that MANY kids believe their parents are not normal in some ways - even those with what others see as 'way-cool' parents!
[ Reply | More ]11.24.11, 08:35 AM Flag-
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[+] What's the best brand for suits for job interviews in conservative fields (ibanking, ... 24 replies
- DH here. This will only matter if you interview with a woman as men won't notice any of this. Assuming of course that you don't wear your Chuckles the Clown outfit that you wear when you work children's birthdays...
Talk : : November 23, 2011
What's the best brand for suits for job interviews in conservative fields (ibanking, big law, etc.)? Are pin stripes ok? Are Dolce & Gabbana suits too over the top (the conservative ones)? TIA.
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.23.11, 02:29 PM Flag ]DH is in a conservative firm and he wears Paul Smith, but that's because it's what I buy him. I would think that D&G would be a bit much, but they are oh-so-gorgeous on the right man. Love them.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 02:30 PM Flag-
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Tahari; Theory; JCrew; Talbots (don't laugh, they've changed their whole line).
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 02:40 PM Flag-
I don't think you want to look TOO expensive or over-the-top on a junior level interview. What about Ralph Lauren or Donna Karan? I think I would avoid the Dolce & Gabbana suit for the interview -- for one thing, it might be too sexy/fashion-y (for banking, etc.) and for another, you won't look like you actually need the salary!).
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 02:45 PM Flag
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I think the more conservative Dolce and Gabbana suits would work great for job interviews in those fields. some Armani too, but some might look too old lady-ish. Prada is good too. someone suggested MaxMara and i think thats a great option. dont go with Chanel cavalli or anything too overtly showy.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 02:52 PM FlagMax Mara doesn't fit me. I used to have D&G (the cheaper line) suits when I started out but they changed completely and now look too fashion-y. I now have a theory suit but I agree that it looks cheap. The only problem I have with Dolce & Gabbana (the more expensive line) is that it looks senior and that it just looks too good.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 02:58 PM FlagI WOULD NOT go with D&G for an interview. I love their dresses, but they are young and hip looking, not professional. too fitted and hip for banking. I doubt it looks "too" good. like I said, try armani. and I know prada has a reputation for being very out there, but check out their darker suits either at one of their boutiques or at a place like bergdorfs (which tends to carry more of their conservative pieces). on days when I *really* want to make sure to look my best, I wear one of my prada suits. well fitted, conservative, a BIT edgy, but nothing too hip, just always look "right."
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 03:03 PM Flag
[+] how much does you dh help out on holidays? mine: zero. 35 replies
- ^^and you'd think he's make up for it with great holiday or birthday gifts, but he doesn't...
Talk : : November 23, 2011
how much does you dh help out on holidays? mine: zero.
35 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.23.11, 01:49 PM Flag ]^^and you'd think he's make up for it with great holiday or birthday gifts, but he doesn't
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 01:50 PM Flag-
op: no, but if I ask for help during the holiday prep, he acts like I'm completely out of line and so demanding
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 01:54 PM FlagMine says, "let's just order take out if it's going to be such a production!"
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 01:56 PM Flagugh! I hate that response. Can't dh just help out because we want to have a nice family gathering?
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 01:59 PM Flagwell, if it is just your idea that the food has to be home-made he's got a point. Your idea, your responsibility.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 02:03 PM Flagit's my idea to cook but he sure feels comfortable inviting tons of extra people. wouldn't you agree that we'd be in it together? anyway, we're married. this isn't a business relationship. he should help out with things that are important to me as I do for him.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 02:06 PM Flag
He usually peels the sweet potatoes, potatoes and turnip. That's about it. I've been baking today (and am making pizza for dinner) and he's done nothing. He's been on a lot of calls, though.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 01:55 PM Flaghow do you get him to help out even if it's only peeling potatoes? do you nag or does he just jump in. or, does he just love your company. :)
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 01:57 PM Flag^^^Oh, he did go to the store after my Peapod order arrived--I forgot a few things. And he went out for a pie plate as I somehow ended up taking all of them back to the city. Even called from the kitchen store to ask which diameter, material and brand I'd prefer. So he does help:)
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 01:59 PM Flag
He gives me moral support and pours out the champagne while I'm cooking.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 02:00 PM FlagDH is pretty much in charge of the kitchen. Food planning, grocery shopping, cooking, serving. All him. I am the front of the house person and entertain the guests while he finishes up the food.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 02:02 PM FlagMine does not ever help before the guests arrive, is always cranky ("why do we need to have people over"), gives them cues to leave, like starting to fill the dishwasher. Feel better? He does help clean up afterwards, though.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 02:09 PM Flag
[+] Gift ideas for a 2.5 year old boy? We already bought trains/trucks/magnatiles. 6 replies
- Target has a remote control car that's about $16 (plus battery). I gave it to my best friend's 2yo for his birthday and he LOVES it...
Talk : : November 23, 2011
[+] did you invite your preschooler's classmates to his/her birthday party? all or jsut h... 5 replies
Talk : : November 23, 2011
[+] What is the best month for a child to be born? Note--not for the pregnancy, but for ... 18 replies
- This is great for schools as you don't have a private-public issue. OTOH, if your kid wants to play baseball, best birthday is May or June as the little league bday cut off is April 30 - and those are terrible birthdays for school in NYC....
Talk : : November 23, 2011
What is the best month for a child to be born? Note--not for the pregnancy, but for the child's success?
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.23.11, 09:59 AM Flag ]-
What?? That answer only works with days. Not months. Unless you actually think January, February, May and July are somehow more beneficial birth months...
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 10:03 AM Flag-
Ok, so you really are incapable of using the reply correctly, as I thought.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 10:08 AM FlagWow. This coming from the dimwit who wants to time her child's birth to give the fetus success in life.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 10:25 AM FlagYou do know there are other posters on this site, right? Because I never said I was OP. Because I'm not. You're an idiot. It's funny, in a sad and pathetic way.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 10:36 AM Flagnp: OK, your reaction to her obviously sarcastic post was way disproportionate. Also, see what I did at the beginning of this response? That's how you make it clear that you are a new poster, not the OP. The OR is not an idiot for not being able to intuit that you were not the OP. Calm down.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 11:39 AM Flag
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[+] which do you think is better for a 3yo's birthday party - new york kids club or kidvi... 1 reply
Talk : : November 23, 2011
[+] Do "normal" people really consider home schooling as a valid option? 68 replies
- No, not really. It was a last ditch option for us if twin dcs didn't get into private because they missed the birthday cut off for public. If we were forced, we would have reapplied the next year. I really don't think home schooling is a good option socially. It just doesn't model the real world....
Talk : : November 23, 2011
Do "normal" people really consider home schooling as a valid option?
68 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.23.11, 07:37 AM Flag ]Yes. And why so judgmental? One of my smartest friends home schools as a matter of fact. And her 3 boys are well-mannered, social and smart. I wouldn't personally have the patience. But if it works, why not?
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:41 AM FlagFor elementary school it's not much of a problem, but it's hard to find one person who is qualified to teach high school level math, history, literature, economics, civics, biology and chemistry, while also teaching a person to maintain a home (cook and clean for themselves) and manage personal finance. By the time middle/high school hits, the DC needs teachers other than their parents. And "home school co-ops" are simply unregistered and unregulated private schools.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 12:50 PM FlagI too am a homeschooling parent. Wow. That is WAY off base! Do you really think "homeschoolers" are taught everything by parents? Every homeschooler I know attends specific classes for different subjects and that is, perhaps, supplemented by parents. It is not difficult at all to find people qualified to teach high school level math, history, literature, economics, civics, biology and chemistry and there are a multitude of options for courses to take. Who said it has to be one person? That's just silly. Do people really think that "homeschoolers" sit around with Mommy all day? again. wow.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 01:27 PM Flag
yes, us, we're considering it. We're middle-class, not particularly religious. Why?
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:42 AM FlagMaybe,but everyone I have personally known who homeschools is a fruitbat.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:45 AM Flag-
Maybe there are normal people somewhere who homeschool. I am willing to believe that they exist. Personally everyone I have met who homeschools is an overprotective nut.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:50 AM FlagWhere are you? I haven't done a ton of research into it yet. We're in NYC, and I'm wondering if there is a population of home-schoolers who are not religious, willing to school children together (more of a co-op model, I guess) and who are aggressive about planning activities so children are socialized.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:52 AM Flaghttp://www.nychea.org/
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 10:35 AM Flag
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I know three women who homeschool. One is a nut, one is extremely religious and one is as normal as they come. It's not like it used to be, there are a ton of home schoolers now.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:46 AM FlagI do. I don't home school my kids, but I think K-12 education in this country is pretty atrocious. Schools waste so much of children's time and get very poor results. That said, it seems like many of the people who home school do not have the equivalent of a high school education themselves--at least from message boards. I'm not sure they are qualified to teach anyone.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:48 AM Flag(2nd OR above) This worries me too. I'm not sure I'm qualified to teach anyone.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:49 AM FlagWell so far all of the words in your posts are spelled correctly, and there are no glaring grammatical errors. I'd say that is a good start! Do you have a college degree? Did you do pretty well in school? And, most important, do you have any real desire to spend your time home schooling kids? I think all those things are probably important.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:53 AM FlagDo you think elementary teachers are qualified in every subject they teach? What msg boards, btw?! I know NYC homeschooling parents who are former teachers, doctors, lawyers and PHDs. I do not personally know any homeschooling parent who does not have the "equivalent of a high school education"! I have been homeschooling my dc for the past 5 years and I know many, many homeschoolers!
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 10:38 AM FlagI have lurked on a few message boards. My favorite is the well trained mind site. I don't like the religious vibe, but the parents seem more educated to me--I've seen some helpful discussions there. You've got to realize that the NYC homeschooling parents that you know are probably very different from the national norm (which tends to be fundamentalist families who don't have a lot of education under their belts).
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 06:35 PM Flag
Don't people worry about their child missing out on social interaction and, quite frankly, having some independence from their parents?
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:51 AM FlagI think in an ideal situation you plan activities with other families for socialization.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:53 AM FlagIsn't it good for the child to learn independence and have time away from their own family? It just seems so overwhelming to be around your parents 24/7!
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:55 AM FlagBut that isn't the same. It seems so overly controlled to me. Kids need time away from you to discover themselves.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:57 AM FlagExactly. Remember those days of having to figure out how to get to your classroom, the awkwardness of choosing a table in the cafeteria, etc. Aren't these valuable experiences that force the child to get outside of themselves and develop necessary life skills?
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:59 AM Flag
The normal mom I know who homeschools belongs to a homeschooling network. They are out and about socializing all the time. Art, music and drama classes and tons of *homeschool day* events at farms, museums, aquariums, etc.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:58 AM Flag
I think the only people who wouldn't consider it a valid option would have to be closed-minded or ill-informed. Why wouldn't a parent be able to devise a curriculum for their own children? I know homeschoolers and even an un-schooler, and their kids are doing great, academically and socially. Some people who homeschool are nutty, but that doesn't invalidate the option.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 08:00 AM FlagWhat is "un-schooling" and how does an un-schooled child do so well academically?
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 08:05 AM Flagin this case, the mom uses the term to mean she doesn't have a structured day of lessons the way a homeschooler might. she loves reading, loves reading to her children and talking about books, so the kids all read well. they do all kinds of fun stuff and the learning happens naturally. they create a store and have to make change, so they learn subtraction and money. sometimes they have silent hours or days, so they all have to communicate by writing. it works.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 08:19 AM Flag
I think the people who aren't doing it for religious reasons or some overprotective reason usually do it for 1) flexibility (not tied to school calendar - allows for travel, etc); 2) available and affordable shcool options for their dc aren't good; 3) health issues.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 09:19 AM Flagre: socialization. Please note that a great number of people who go through "regular" schools are not socialized very well.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 10:20 AM FlagSome homeschoolers I know actually have more freedom and independence than the ps kids I know who need to have everything spelled out for them by authority figures all day - the homeschooolers tend to keep their own calendars and keep up with classes and assignments on their own and get around to various classes and activities on their own. The ps kids are still having their parents "sign-off" on homework.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 10:30 AM Flag
Yes. I know some "normal" people in my neighborhood are considering it. I am in Bed-Stuy, so it is partly related to the public school options in the area. I also notice that moms are creating a network so they can get their kids together regularly during the year for that social interaction. I've even heard of some parents team teaching especially if you find someone who is stronger in a certain subject than you are. I have met kids who were home schooled through a scholarship program I worked for and my biggest concern is they tend not to learn the high school level lab sciences very well at home.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 10:26 AM FlagI am somewhat "normal" and no, I never considered it as an option until it became very obvious to me and my dh that traditional schooling was just no working for our child. I was concerned that we would be labeled whack-jobs but, so far, that hasn't happened (as far as I know anyway!) and we (including my ds) have maintained our previous friendships with non-homeschoolers.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 10:33 AM Flag^^p.s. I am not religious at ALL and I am also not an unschooler. We are just a family with a kid who didn't "fit" the system and everyone is so much happier now.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 10:34 AM Flagcan you be more specific in what you mean by your dc not fitting in the traditional school system.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 10:51 AM FlagHe was very, very bored (We live in a town with no g&t.) and there was a huge disconnect from what he was doing at home to what he was doing at school. (i.e. in K, he would be reading "Hop on Pop" and then come home and read "Harry Potter") The school believed nothing was wrong since he got great grades and was popular but he was getting more and more angry and stressed to the point his personality was changing and not for the better (wetting the bed, fighting with friends, not reading/writing at home for fun anymore, zoning out in front of the TV.) The school's only solution was to have him skip a grade, but he was, honestly, not ready for that socially at all. He was/is also very average in math and did not need any acceleration there. He was completely loosing any love of learning he had left in him and, at that point, I felt that pulling him out of that situation was the best thing, even if he didn't "learn" anything except not to hate school and learning. I never planned to hs forever, but he is happy and excited about learning again so I will continue as long as it works for us. He has many friends of all ages, races and background, as well as his "old" school and neighborhood friends and I find it rather funny everyone is worried about "socialization." We joke that we don't know how in the world he could fit in "school" he is so busy with classes and field-trips and sports. I, honestly think that homeschooling has and will prepare him for the real world more than ps ever did. He is well adjusted, self-motivated and very well equipped for today where, many people work from home and network in ways different from the past.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 11:23 AM Flag... He was completely loosing any love of learning he had left in him and, at that point, I felt that pulling him out of that situation was the best thing, even if he didn't "learn" anything except not to hate school and learning. I never planned to hs forever, but he is happy and excited about learning again so I will continue as long as it works for us. He has many friends of all ages, races and background, as well as his "old" school and neighborhood friends and I find it rather funny everyone is worried about "socialization." We joke that we don't know how in the world he could fit in "school" he is so busy with classes and field-trips and sports. I, honestly think that homeschooling has and will prepare him for the real world more than ps ever did. He is well adjusted, self-motivated and very well equipped for today where, many people work from home and network in ways different from the past.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 11:24 AM Flag
ninety-nine percent of homeschooling families are nuts. Its usually the mom who can't function without controlling or being with her kids .
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 10:45 AM FlagGoogle "Chelsea Link". This an example of great homeschooling. A friend of ours homeschooled in this manner and both of her kids are in Ivies and seem to have a true love for knowledge. I don't see the same in most private or publically educated kids, including my own. I think it actually makes them more independent, they own their education in a way traditionally schooled kids do not. The downside to this of course is that it requires a lot of money. My friends took their kids all over the world, had private French tutors, and generally outsourced much of the "teaching". If I had the patience and funds I would have loved to give my kids a gift like this. When done right it is far superior to traditional schooling.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 12:38 PM Flagnp: this sounds more like the way wealthy children were educated 100 years ago - private tutors, travel - than what most people consider home schooling. Although I can't imagine it wouldn't be superior to traditional schooling. and not necessarily more expensive than private school!
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 12:53 PM FlagThat's not very uncommon at all with the nyc homeschoolers - no idea how it's "what most people consider home schooling" Maybe it's just a very different ballgame outside the NYC area if that's what people think?
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 01:22 PM FlagThat's the difference - what is classified as "homeschooling" here or in other major cities is simply parents creating their own separate school system of private classes and tutors. Homeschooling outside of NYC is parents teaching at their dining room table.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 06:52 PM Flagexactly. i don't at all think it's a bad option in nyc, but it's not what is traditionally referred to as home schooling. just like when you ahve child actors who work with tutors on set - that's not home schooling. but they are both alternative schooling. and i know parents who do some combination - traditional home schooling in elementary and then a mix in MS and by high school kids taking classes at a traditional HS plus community college plus some things at home.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:06 PM Flag
All the kids I know who were homeschool are social wierdos and have trouble making relationships work later on in life.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 01:09 PM FlagThe big question though: did homeschooling make the wierdos? or were they homeschooled because they were wierdos and not fitting in or having other problems? "normal" kids aren't homeschooled usually. In general, there has to be some sort of catalyst because it really is not the norm.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 01:20 PM Flag-
No, not really. It was a last ditch option for us if twin dcs didn't get into private because they missed the birthday cut off for public. If we were forced, we would have reapplied the next year. I really don't think home schooling is a good option socially. It just doesn't model the real world.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 06:48 PM Flag
[+] We are so broke this year. No bonuses for me, no bonuses for dh. Holiday gifts are ... 17 replies
- this isn't free -- but how old are your kids? there is a great picture book "3 cheers for catherine the great" or something like that where the grandmother wants "no presents" for her birthday and everyone in the apartment building gives her something really special -- sings her favorite song in russian, does her hair, a dance, frames a special photograph, teaching her to write in english . . . it might be a good book...
Talk : : November 23, 2011
We are so broke this year. No bonuses for me, no bonuses for dh. Holiday gifts are going to be creative. Any ideas for giving something for nothing?
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.23.11, 07:10 AM Flag ]-
op: Thanks, but I'm not sure my kids or nephews would appreciate it as much as the adults. Plus, I'm traveling via plane, so that would be difficult.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:15 AM Flag-
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if you are visiting, could you take them somewhere and/or teach them something? i.e., my uncle taught me to dive when I was 7 -- is the a public pool open while you are in town? or a gym to spend an hour working on a lay up or something like that? work with them on some skate boarding move (I don't have a boy so I am stretching my mind her on skills 8 & 10 year old boys might want . . . maybe someone else can chime in).
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 08:02 AM FlagHave all the kids put on a talent show and video it. Give them a dvd of it.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 08:09 AM Flag
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this isn't free -- but how old are your kids? there is a great picture book "3 cheers for catherine the great" or something like that where the grandmother wants "no presents" for her birthday and everyone in the apartment building gives her something really special -- sings her favorite song in russian, does her hair, a dance, frames a special photograph, teaching her to write in english . . . it might be a good book to read if you think they have expectations of lots of tangible presents and you need to scale back . . .
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:19 AM FlagI have rewards accounts that I accrew points through during the year. I use these points to "purchase" gifts for the holidays. No money spent. For the kids, I go to Michael's craft store and buy tons of the $1 craft toys. Fun for the moment, but kids hardly ever really play with the new toys for a sensible duration anyway. Easily tossed when they are done.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:19 AM Flagditto the rewards. Someone suggested this to me the other day and it turned out we had a ton through American Express. You can transfer them directly to amazon and then shop. So easy. Also, some easy ideas include: burn a cd of their favorite songs, a picture of all the cousins in a frame decorated by your kids, the dollar spot at Target has books (I just bought Peter Pan and Treaure Island as stocking stuffers), make them a jar of homemade candy or popcorn and decorate festively
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 07:35 AM Flagditto the homemade candy. what a great idea! put in individual jars, decorate with paper and write their names on it, you can even make your own label - ingredients, best before, produced by Aunt XYZ, etc. Knitting is another good idea, but I knit and you don't have enough time to master even the basics for this year. but it may work for next year, and you can make such beautiful, personalized things for cheap.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 08:38 AM Flag
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[+] Name something you strongly object to at Thanksgiving. 92 replies
- i honestly don't understand how someone can hate football. This being said by someone who shared her birthday with the superbowl almost every year when she was a child and has been deeply scared by the fact that no one in my family paid any attention to me except for a brief period during halftime. get it together people, football rules...
Talk : : November 23, 2011
Name something you strongly object to at Thanksgiving.
92 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.23.11, 04:33 AM Flag ]My aunt brought a frosted "Thanksgiving" cake last year. Call me a traditionalist, but Thanksgiving is a pie holiday!
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 04:34 AM FlagI agree! I saw a recipe for some kind of Thanksgiving cake recently and the headline said something along the lines of "they won't miss the pie." Yeah, right. Do it in addition to the pie, if necessary, but Thanksgiving without a pie just doesn't do it for me.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 06:21 AM Flag
Beets! Every year my SIL brings over beets because she claims her kids just love them. The bright red beet juice stains everything. Hate them!
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 04:35 AM FlagI'm with you. I eat a very wide variety of foods, and am one of the least picky eaters you'll ever meet. Beets are one of the three or so foods that I just cannot get into. They taste like dirt and stain everything. My kids love them though!
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 05:36 AM Flagi hate beets, but dh and dd love them so i make them all the time.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 05:40 AM Flag(poster from above you) Same here. Dh can take them or leave them, but my kids think they're fabulous. So I do make them pretty often. Funny to me because there are a decent number of vegetables they are not thrilled with. I don't understand how you can like beets, but find carrots disgusting. Oh well. :)
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 05:47 AM Flag
the retail hype that will not let up until the middle of january
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 04:49 AM Flagmy MIL that insists on adding totally inappropriate and non-Thanksgiving foods to the menu we decide on together at the last minute. We plan it and cook it together, planned weeks in advance. Then we show up and she has already made an additional Kasha Varnishka, noodle kugel and other totally unrelated Jewish foods that have nothing to do with this holiday! It annoys the crap out of me.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 05:08 AM FlagOooh Kasha Varniska! I'm coming to your house on Thanksgiving! In our house, it is not Thanksgiving unless we have lasagne. Sorry, we don't do sweet potato pie and ham. We do the foods we like (plus Turkey).
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 05:27 AM Flagnp: i like the idea of thanksgiving having an immigrant twist.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 05:31 AM Flagor: I get what you all are saying - and I know its petty. But I am a purist. I like Thanksgiving traditional foods and we have the Jewish food at every family dinner, the woman only has one set meal she makes. Thanksgiving is about new world foods - pumpkin and cranberry and turkey and sweet potato But I guess thats just me.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 06:53 AM Flag
I could see being annoyed if MIL knew stuffing was my favorite thing and chose to omit it from the holiday menu. But being annoyed about people making extra foods? Silly.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 05:37 AM Flag
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Eating it at a restaurant! Did it once with family while on vacation. It just wasn't the same.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 05:35 AM FlagI love Thanksgiving at Junior's Restaurant in Brooklyn. Their Thansgiving menu is phenomenal.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 05:38 AM FlagThis. I refuse to have thanksgiving with my in laws for this reason.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 05:49 AM FlagUnfortunately, this is my fate this year. We bought our tickets to fly to the midwest to see the in-laws. Later to find out that we are eating in a restaurant. It's a big family but we have all hosted and they have the biggest house. My husband thinks its fine and that its family being together and I guess he's right but it bums me out. Just not the same.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 06:24 AM Flag
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i honestly don't understand how someone can hate football. This being said by someone who shared her birthday with the superbowl almost every year when she was a child and has been deeply scared by the fact that no one in my family paid any attention to me except for a brief period during halftime. get it together people, football rules!
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 06:29 AM Flag
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I know this is a controversial topic, but I object to mashed potatoes made with peeled potatoes and mashed in a food processor. Skins on / hand mashed is vastly superior!!
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 08:02 AM FlagSkin on? I've never done that. I hand mash, but have always peeled. hmmm...
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 08:03 AM FlagI object to the hand masher. Ricer is the way to go. I use russets and peel for TG, although I'll do skin on smashed potatoes other times.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 08:14 AM FlagITA!! I made them this way (red new potatoes) and everyone acted like I was serving them dirty potatoes. They scowled and said, "Eww, what is this? SKIN?"
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 11:22 AM Flag
Me: People who say "pee-can" pie. My sister: People who say "puh-can" pie.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 09:29 AM Flag-
My parents insist on playing the "smooth jazz" channel on satellite or cable or whatever they have DURING dinner.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 09:59 AM Flag-
[+] BIL is a complete boar and his wife is a pill. They are not joining us, all of the re... 16 replies
- Split the differnece. You pick them up from the airport on Friday and have them stay with you Fri night. Then when you travel together to NJ for FIL's birthday party on Saturday, they bring their bags and spend Saturday night there....
Talk : : November 22, 2011
BIL is a complete boar and his wife is a pill. They are not joining us, all of the rest of the family is in the northeast, for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year but they are coming for a weekend in December for FIL's birthday. MIL just called and asked me to invite them to stay with us in NYC, rather than with her in NJ. I understand why they make her nuts but I WOHM FT and have two DCs, no real room for guests plus these two have no DCs and don't understand how the rest of us live. WWYD? I love MIL and want to help her out but even my DH doesn't want his brother here.
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.22.11, 04:05 PM Flag ]-
I'd just suck it up and let them come. You're among the rare few around here who can say "I love MIL." It seems like having a problem MIL is a much worse fate than a bad BIL because they tend to be more involved/interfering and wreak more emotional strain.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 05:02 PM Flag-
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Well since your DH is too much of a wuss, it seems like you will have to host them. Don't exhaust yourself watching kids and then dealing with BIL. You can be responsible for kids and DH should do everything else involving BIL. If he complains, it's his fault; he could have said something but chose not to. Don't complain while BIL is over, just let your DH deal everything. Hopefully after this, DH will learn to man up and be assertive for his wife.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:01 PM Flag
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[+] I am sure this has been asked before, but here goes. My son got a very high score on ... 13 replies
- Why is that? When we toured Hunter I did notice that the kids' birthdays were posted on the calendar by their coat hooks if I recall; I took note that there were indeed several with Nov/December birthdays in the K class....
Talk : : November 22, 2011
I am sure this has been asked before, but here goes. My son got a very high score on the Stanford Binet (scaled for Hunter) test; only say 2-3 at or above on the UB site. I am confident he'll go to Round 2 - unless the score is raised to 160! In any case, my question is what to do with him if he doesn't get in, which is likely, given the odds. He is too young for private school (he's still 3) so that's out. Any suggestions, advice? All greatly appreciated!
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.22.11, 02:27 PM Flag ]If he's a calm boy with no hyperactivity or even a breath of behaviorial issues, you may have a decent shot at Hunter. Good Luck. If it doesn't work out, put him in real K - G&T or gen ed. If it's a G&T, you might want to stay there. Unfortunately, you won't have sufficient information to decide how much you like it before private school K applications are due for 2012-2013. And repeating K for $40,000 does stink.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 02:54 PM FlagYes, exactly. That's the dilemma. It is so frustrating to have all these ...variables. He actually is extremely even tempered, talkative, and cheerful - loves adults (he's an only child and I am a single mom) and gets on very well with kids his age generally. So far he has loved all the "playdates" we have had at various schools. I did a couple just to see what it was all about -- he usually wants to go back to the "mysterious" school, so I guess that's all good.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 04:32 PM Flag
I was in a similar situation last year, and my dd (not yet 5) is in our very well regarded general ed public school. I was given a lot of reassurance by other families who's kids also made second round for Hunter and are in the same general Ed school- There is plenty of opportunity for your kid to be engaged in a good general ed classroom and you can engage/enrich at home.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 03:21 PM FlagI am doing a lot at home, and he is in the Science and Nature Class at AMNH, and also instrumental (Suzuki) lessons. We are zoned for the worst public schools in the city, so that is completely out of the question. Everything else (besides private pre-Ks) seems to be luck/lottery based.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 02:00 PM Flag
[+] We are having a first birthday party for DD in early December, have invited about 30 ... 8 replies
- with that large a group, and a dual purpose party, I would do more then one dessert. For DC, do your standard birthday cake (cute for photos) with her name, other ideas are cheese cakes, chocolate cakes, plates of cookies....
Talk : : November 22, 2011
We are having a first birthday party for DD in early December, have invited about 30 friends and family for a buffet as it's also going to be our holiday party. What kind of dessert/cake should I order? I'd like something seasonal that's tasty and easy to eat. TIA
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.22.11, 01:08 PM Flag ]with that large a group, and a dual purpose party, I would do more then one dessert. For DC, do your standard birthday cake (cute for photos) with her name, other ideas are cheese cakes, chocolate cakes, plates of cookies.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 01:11 PM Flagthanks. i'm trying to keep it simple as we don't have a lot of space, so a big bday cake and then some cookies/brownies/candy? any thoughts on where to find a great cake? TIA
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 01:15 PM Flagthat sounds yummy! I got our cake at Costco (our DD turned 1 earlier this year) and it was fantastic; honestly people were shocked when I told them where it came from. We had about half as many guests so had leftovers but it probably is the right size for your crowd.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 01:24 PM Flag-
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[+] Just logged into ERB website for millionth time, checking to see if results are back ... 7 replies
Talk : : November 22, 2011
Just logged into ERB website for millionth time, checking to see if results are back from DC's test at ERB office. Realized that when I registered 4.5-year-old DC, I accidentally put down that she's IN pre-K AND going into pre-K in fall 2012. (With February birthday, she's obviously going into K.) Should I freak?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.22.11, 12:34 PM Flag ]
[+] Probably a repeat question, but here goes. My son's score on the Stanford Binet 5 (sc... 15 replies
- High 160s - applying to privates now (fall birthday). DC is doing great with the process of interviewing, etc. Doing K now and exceling and enjoying even though program is neither advanced nor gifted...
- We took the test in October and the score arrived in early November. He has a late November birthday - will turn 4 then....
Talk : : November 22, 2011
Probably a repeat question, but here goes. My son's score on the Stanford Binet 5 (scaled for Hunter) was extremely high; I have seen only perhaps 2-3 people who posted kids' scores that were the same or higher. I am pretty confident he will go to Round 2 at Hunter (unless they raise this year's cutoff to, say, 160!) If he doesn't get in, which is likely given the odds, I am wondering what to do this coming year before applying to Private schools. He is too young for them next year as he is still three. Where did your child go if s/he made it to Round 2 and was put on wait list?
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.22.11, 11:42 AM Flag ]High 160s - applying to privates now (fall birthday). DC is doing great with the process of interviewing, etc. Doing K now and exceling and enjoying even though program is neither advanced nor gifted. Nothing special required although DC has lots of playdates with friends from all over.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 11:51 AM FlagStill 3? that seems so young to take the SB and too young for Kindergarden. Keep at preschool for another year? That's what I'd do.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 12:08 PM Flagnp: Wouldn't DC have to turn 4 by 12/31/11 to sit for the Hunter test?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 12:10 PM FlagHe is not in preschool - he is at a university operated "daycare" with many opportunities for play based learning, but definitely not preschool. It is very loving and warm environment and he has thrived there, but he's ready for K! He's in the Science and Nature program at the AMNH and that has been wonderful.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 02:37 PM Flag
Hunter test score are still pending!? OR I'm I missing something??
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 12:36 PM FlagIf you like any schools with pre-K, HM, Saint Ann's, ECFS, they would probably like a high SB score very much.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 01:33 PM FlagThe problem is, you cannot really "mention" the score at the pre-K interviews at those and other private school, right? Because the directors would (often rightly) assume that Hunter would be the first choice. or am I wrong about this in terms of protocol?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 02:39 PM FlagAh, you are probably right. Does unter send acceptances after pre-K notification? If so, the thing to say might be the kid is really, really smart. There is a very good chance he won't get into Hunter. Straight up, if he gets in we are going, but we will loose our deposit (be straight up and might be able to get them to agree to not go after you for the rest since you told them up front). Might be worth a try if the application deadlines haven't passed. If that doesn't work can always use SB next year.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 03:06 PM Flag
[+] So if my not even 4 year old scored 124 for the Hunter Stanford B. test, is that ok? ... 7 replies
- He has a late november birthday so he had to take it before 4....
Talk : : November 22, 2011
So if my not even 4 year old scored 124 for the Hunter Stanford B. test, is that ok? Is better than average but not Hunter materiale right? TIA. Bit confused.
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.22.11, 09:40 AM Flag ]Sorry, no help. Genuinely curious why a 3yo is taking the tests? Don't want to be paranoid but have an almost 3 yo and didn't think we had to worry about any of these things for more than a year (i.e., until sometime during the year he is 4).
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:47 AM FlagHe has a late november birthday so he had to take it before 4.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:49 AM FlagKids that young often don't test so reliably. You might do very differently if you retest next year. We had same issues with a December birthday. Huge difference in testing at barely 4 vs. barely 5. (The bummer is, first grade spots are far rarer in most good programs than K slots.)
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 11:10 AM Flag-
Number one they are compared to other children in a 3 month bracket so your child isn't getting compared to kids almost a year older than him. 2nd the score is fine and smart and above average - just not hunter material. Honestly at the age of 4 I would take it with a grain of salt. Kids develop at different rates and a lot of the test is exposure. If you haven't seen it you wouldn't know it. For example it has been said on here kids were asked what a factory is on the test. If you didn't teach it to your child or read about it how would a 3/4 yo know this?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 11:30 AM Flag
[+] I am AA and live in a neighborhood with minimal diversity. DC's have no AA friends ou... 26 replies
- You need to take the below poster's advice and enroll your kids in some classes with more people of color. We went to a birthday party at Little Gym of Harlem once and it was great and very diverse. What neighborhood do you live in?...
Talk : : November 22, 2011
I am AA and live in a neighborhood with minimal diversity. DC's have no AA friends outside family members who we do not see frequently. Do you think this will cause them problems later on in life? Yes we live in NYC
26 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.22.11, 09:35 AM Flag ]Yes. One of my college boyfriends had a very similar experience. He ended up without having ever had a single AA friend, never dated an AA girl, and he basically feels like he was deprived of being AA. He said he has tried to make AA friends, and he feels like an alien--doesn't get any of the references everybody knows, etc. I would try to give them opportunities to make AA friends through classes, camps, etc. at a minimum.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:41 AM Flag-
I think it's absurd that you live in NYC and don't have any AA friends. How does this happen?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:42 AM FlagOP: I have friends but they do not have DC's my children's age. DH's friends and business partners with children the same ages as ours are all White or Asian, so when we do hang out with them we are still the only AA.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:50 AM FlagYou need to take the below poster's advice and enroll your kids in some classes with more people of color. We went to a birthday party at Little Gym of Harlem once and it was great and very diverse. What neighborhood do you live in?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:53 AM FlagOP: I would prefer not to say but it's an outer boro, maybe I can find a diverse summer camp to enroll them in for at least part of the summer.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:57 AM Flagtry a camp at a black church in your boro. do you or dh work in the city? if so maybe the A.C.T. camp at Cathedral/St. John the Divine at 110th and Amsterdam. But your dcs need something more consistent, not just summer camp. what signs are you seeing in your dcs now that have you worried?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 10:13 AM Flag
Yes! Racism still exists and your children need to be secure in their AA culture and its beauty. I am AA and have several friends raised in a similar environment (with black parents) who grew up valuing all things white and nothing black. Never happy with their hair or skin. Only interested in dating white guys, truly in their heart of hearts think black people are less than, lots of self-loathing. It tends to occur with girls more than boys, ime.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:44 AM FlagDon't YOU and dh have any black friends with dcs? I grew up in white neighborhood and went to all white schools my entire life, but I had a rich and diverse home life and extracurricular life outside of school and am doing the same for my dcs now who are in a similar situation. My kids take classes (dance, martial arts, gymnastics) in black/diverse environment (alvin ailey, little gym of harlem). We are in Jack & Jill. DH and I have tons of black firends with kids, so we see them regularly.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:47 AM FlagOP: No their DC's tend to be older and the others do not have DC's. A commute to Harlem for a dance class is not realistic time wise. DC's are involved in after school activities but it's within our neighborhood.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:54 AM Flagwhat about a black church? particularly a big one with lots of ministries (teens, children, social justice, etc) as they tend to have the most activities like camps, sunday schools, sports teams, etc. or is there a community center or Y near you? What about Jack & Jill, I think there is a chapter in every boro, except staten island probably, but even if you are there you could affiliate with brooklyn or queens.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 10:08 AM Flag
I grew up with this situation and I did have a rough patch in my teens when I really didn't relate to other black kids very well. That changed in college partly because I met people who didn't have silly fixed ideas about what "being black" means. I have a very diverse group of friends now and many of them are black, a black spouse etc..I think the good thing about nyc is neighborhoods are so close together. You could put your kids in programs in a neighborhood with more diversity. You have more flexibility in nyc.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 10:26 AM Flag
[+] So update me. What manipulative, awful behavior did Taylor Armstrong do this week on ... 6 replies
- Threw the world's creepiest birthday party for her 5-year old daughter. Seriously, the thing was grotesque....
Talk : : November 22, 2011
[+] Thinking about having twins but not sure if we can handle the financials of having 4 ... 169 replies
- exactly, one birthday party instead of two. One Wii (or whatever the game of the moment is) instead of needing another when the younger...
- Actually no. Birthdays come once a year, you really think that makes up for having to buy two of nearly everything (except Wiis!)? I...
Talk : : November 22, 2011
Thinking about having twins but not sure if we can handle the financials of having 4 DCs in the city. Not sure what to do.
169 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.22.11, 06:45 AM Flag ]-
That's funny, I was thinking about having a Chinese baby but I'm not sure our Greek in-laws will like it
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 06:53 AM Flag-
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are you pregnant with twins and considering selective abortion?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 06:57 AM Flag-
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BT. No doctor in their right mind will do selective if you have less than 4. In very rare cases 3. It'll be fine.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:35 PM Flag-
That's different. Wanting to have zero children is very different than wanting to have selective reduction with less than 4. She can abort both, but not one. I was in these same shoes, and the bottom line is that the doctors don't do it unless one fetus has medical issues.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 06:21 AM Flag
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Wow...how do you choose which one of your children to kill? Unbelievable. Even beyond that, how will you tell the child that you chose that you killed their twin sibling...because of money? You do realize that back in the day people considered children a blessing and just made it work the best way that they could. Sometimes this means that you move...you're basically putting your ability to remain in the city over the life of your unborn child...okay. Human life has become so devalued!
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 11:58 AM Flag
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what's your living situation now? rent/own, # bedrooms, sq ft? Public or private? Do you WOH or SAH? Age of other kids?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:03 AM Flag-
are the 7 and 5 yo the same gender? if so they could share a room forever and the babies could have the other so rent wouldn't have to change for a long time. You'll obviously need a full time nanny but the incremental cost for 1 or twins isn't that much. Vacations become more expensive and harder to manage. Honestly, I think this is more about emotions and less about money. I agree with the posters suggesting a therapist. You don't want to reduce and feel guilty about it every time you look at the new baby.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:30 AM Flag-
how long do you have to make the decision? What does DH say?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:39 AM Flag-
overwhelmed about $ or the logistics of having 4 or what? Unlike your 5 and 7 yo the twins will likely be doing the same activities when they are older so there will only be 3 kids's schedules, not 4. And by the time they're really doing a lot your 7 yo will be old enough to get around on public transportation (within reason) on their own.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:47 AM FlagBy everything. There's a lot going on. Money, health, job...
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:13 AM Flagyour health? is there any medical reason you would be worried about carrying two? Do you guys have enough money in the bank to cover you if you lost your jobs for 6 months to a year?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:16 AM Flag-
if your health, or the health or one twin, will be in danger by carrying both it's a completely different question than what posters are discussing on this thread which is just about $. has your Dr said what the chances are that the pregnancy will have complications?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:21 AM FlagI haven't seen my regular dr. yet. I have a very benign heart condition that does not require medication. When I was pregnant with #1, I was fine. With #2, I had to take the medication and had a host of problems. I was told it was because my DCs were too close in age and I didn't give my body proper rest. So now, I am told that I should be fine, but I could experience problems again.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:24 AM Flag
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Will you have a nanny either way? If so, are you mostly concerned about future (college costs etc)?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:07 AM FlagYou'd selectively abort a twin? Seriously? For only convenience sake? Really? The only time I'd possible consider selective abortion is if one of the children had severe birth defects or if I was pregnant with so many fetuses that it would be a significant risk to me or the children (like 4 or more).
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:10 AM FlagShe said it was for financial reasons, not for convenience. You have no idea what their financial situation is like and they have other kids to consider. I find that people who judge this way are usually the worst themselves, they just rationalize well.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:14 AM FlagPP: Wrong. I'm infertile and couldn't imagine a scenario where I'd risk the life of one twin to terminate the other for financial/convenience reasons.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:17 AM Flaglol well, duh, right now, living in a box with a baby sounds good to you. Please, don't join a discussion with the real moms because you will never understand how it feels.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:25 AM FlagYou are a fucking horrible person. Seriously. I am as pro-choice as they come. A friend who went through many rounds of IVF selectively aborted a twin because her husband said he couldn't handle twins. I was appalled and am usually a live-and-let-live person about those things. I couldn't imagine taking the risk after having trouble conceiving. It was so bizarre to me.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:45 AM Flaglol maybe you shouldn't come on here making the OP feel even crappier for an already difficult choice. The fact is that you don't understand and can't. So, STFU!
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:57 AM FlagNot trying to make the OP feel crappy. She asked what to do. Her family has options that they're not considering, i.e. moving to the suburbs for more space and for better schools.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:00 AM FlagGet off your high horse, OP works and she might have a demanding job with long hours. Moving to a far suburb that will make life cheaper may mean more child care and not seeing kids much.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:04 AM FlagNot on a high horse at all. The OP asked and people are responding, for God's sake. If she plans on aborting the fourth and it's not something that concerns her, she wouldn't be asking. That would bother me for the rest of my life and it wouldn't be worth the savings to not have the fourth. I think her thinking is very short-term.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:28 AM Flag
And it's not as though the OP could in any way be surprised by the twins - intervention often produces twins.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:00 AM Flag-
I call fake too. If you don't do IVF then you don't even know you are pregnant with twins until it's too late to do a selective reduction. With IVF they're doing ultrasounds on you from the start. Why is it millions of people with far less money manage to raise children just fine with far less income? We educated, wealthy, white people must surely be the most entitled, whiny people on the planet. So having an extra baby is difficult. So what? Suck it up. I'm pro-choice but when married people who want children do abortions out of convenience it disgusts me. Yep that's right, I'm judging. The OP isn't living in abject poverty.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 01:52 PM FlagI had a natural pregnancy and had the first ultrasound at 6 weeks at the appointment that confirmed the pregnancy. They saw a heartbeat. If it had been twins I think they would have seen two sacs (maybe) and two heartbeats. Up to what date can you do a selective reduction?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 02:05 PM Flag
"real moms"? You are a wretched, disgusting excuse for a human being and I pray that one of your children or their spouse never has to deal with the disappointment and sadness of infertility. I am a "real mom" by your definition and one of the prevailing qualities of any mother is supposed to be a certain amount of compassion and a value for life. I cannot understand OP choosing to kill one of her healthy fetuses--a permanent solution to what is a temporary problem: money...MONEY IS ALWAYS TEMPORARY. A person who is wealthy today can see a reversal of their fortunes and vice versa. SO if someone loses money should they kill their children in proportion to the amount lost? One child for every 30% decrease in their stock portfolio? I also don't understand you: I am a "real mom" and I value my children enough that I'd want them even if that meant living in a "box" with them. I feel so sorry for your children...little do they know that mommy only loves them according to how well her financial statement pans out for the quarter.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 12:06 PM Flag
I would normally never say this, but I have to agree with OR. OP, please don't do this. If you have to, why not move to a borough or a suburb?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:22 AM Flag+1. You are fine w 3 but not 4. Sorry, OP, you should have just stopped at 2. Imagine explaining having to explain to your child that you aborted his/her twin and it just as easily could have been him/her. Not saying it will necessarily happen, but I have heard so much anecdotal stuff about how connected twins feel, what of this somehow affects the child you don't abort?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:27 AM Flag
I think this is silly. What is different about your reasons and hers. You would consider it if there were birth defects. She would consider it for financial reasons. I wouldn't consider it for either, but your reasons are no more or less about "convenience" than hers. Unless you are against abortion on the basis that it is taking a life, I don't see how you can criticize her thoughts here.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 06:23 AM Flag
As a very pro choice twin mom I would say don’t do this. I now look at my twins and just can’t imagine there only being one of them after I knew there were two. Twins are such a joy and yes it’s tough in the city but you will manage. Think about what you can do in terms of finance, living space, childcare etc instead of selective abortion. They don’t have to expensive, there are many ways to keep the cost down, just don’t get swayed by the high end NYC moms and shop in K Mart and Costco. Also if it truly is going to be a hardship financially there's a twins club in the city that will give you a lot of baby gear as all twin moms have way too much stuff.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:28 AM FlagIs there really a huge difference in the cost of raising 4 instead of 3 when you already go to public and have a nanny?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:33 AM Flag-
Good Lord, of course there is. Do you actually think economies of scale somehow apply to kids? The average cost of raising a child to 18 for a middle income family is about $230,000. Not including private school or college.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:50 AM FlagOP says they use public school. Are this stats on what each additional child costs? If OP will be spending $40k on a nanny for one that doesn't mean she'll be spending $80k on a nanny for twins so I don't think you just double the number for two kids. Even things like afterschool programs and camps give small discounts for each additional child from the same family.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:56 AM FlagThey give minuscule discounts for additional children, something like 5% and that's usually capped at 2 children. Even so, you still need to pay for the 4th child. If this were not the case everyone would have children with wild abandon. The cost of a nanny for 4 children could easily be double. One person is not going to care for 2 newborns and 2 older children. She will likely need two nannies for a few years.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:02 AM Flagbut she isn't considering aborting both. She will have the 7 and 5 yo and at least one baby. The question is what doest hte second baby add.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:05 AM Flag-
I think that's the big question here. OP needs to quantify what those expenses are likely to be. It isn't double the cost of one.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:18 AM FlagThe OP doesn't need to. Anyone who has children can figure this one out.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:19 AM Flagthere are agruements on this thread about what the incremental cost is. it doesn't seem to be that easy to figure out. what's your estimate?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:23 AM Flagnp: For me it would be an extra $400/mo for nanny, $100/mo for diapers, baby food etc and maybe another 2K a year on supplies. Total 6K a year. After the twins are 5 y/o and go to school some distribution of costs will change but it will be same extra 6K or so. I don't believe vacations, camp, and college savings are a must.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:34 AM Flag
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You are wrong, economies of scale do apply. The most expensive part of raising a child (at least in NYC) is the nanny and the pay is not going to be much different for 3 vs 4 children. Also, food is not likely to be much more for the one extra kid. Of-course there are additional expenses but its a lot less then if you have 2 kids 5 years apart.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:58 AM Flagexactly, one birthday party instead of two. One Wii (or whatever the game of the moment is) instead of needing another when the younger is of that age. Two sets of clothes, two scooters but not twice as many legos or Thomas the Trains.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:00 AM FlagActually no. Birthdays come once a year, you really think that makes up for having to buy two of nearly everything (except Wiis!)? I am a twin mom and I have two older children who are 19mo apart and twins are much more expensive. There's nothing to hand down. They need two car seats, two cribs, two sets of clothing (yes, they can share sizes, but you still need to buy double), two scooters, two bikes....you don't know what you are talking about at all.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:11 AM FlagThis stuff is cheap and can be gotten used. It is all peanuts compared to the cost of childcare.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:15 AM FlagIt's not all peanuts. Oy. You clearly are not trying to raise 4 children in this city.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:20 AM Flag-
I had a baby 1 year ago (not my first and I didn't save any baby items) I got almost everything used or from IKEA, spending maybe $500 total on crib, stroller, changing table, high chair, clothing for the first year. $500 is less then one weeks nanny pay, so yes it is peanuts.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:36 AM FlagYes, the newborn year is the cheapest! You can't be serious in thinking that one can get away with only spending $500 a year on a child past the first year. Have fun with that one.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:14 AM FlagWell, I am in the second year now and we don't need any more junk. I have an older child as well, who goes to school. Highest expense after nanny are the enrichment classes for the older kid. Food, clothing, and supplies are minuscule for a young kid. You must like shopping.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:26 AM FlagFor my 5 yo we spend $200/year on clothes and a small amount on food (public school, free breakfast and lunch at his school although this isn't true everywhere). Use school's afterschool for childcare. Summer camp is the biggest expense but its much cheaper than a nanny. we don't do lots of things we can't afford but there is plenty to do for free in the city.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:30 AM Flag
It's not even 2 sets of clothes or 2 scooters - it's more like 1.5 sets of clothes b/c you do laundry much more often w/ a family of 6 than w/ a family of 4. They don't both need to ride scooters at the same time, so one rides a scooter and one rides a bike, which might both be hand-me-downs from the older siblings.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 03:03 PM Flag
You clearly do not have 4 children. Have fun finding a credible nanny who will single handedly take on 4 children, with 2 of them being newborn twins.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:05 AM Flagthe older kids are in school all day and could do some relatively inexpensive afterschool programs at least a couple days a week. She'll need a FT nanny for 1 or 2 babies and the cost doesn't double for twins. If she needs a different nanny/babysitter for the older two that is true with 1 baby or two.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:12 AM Flag
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Don't listen to people here. They are a baby-obsessed bunch and not in possession of any facts relevant to your decision. For what it's worth, I know lots of people who faced decisions about whether to abort, and they are all equally happy with their decision (those who aborted and those who didnt). No regrets. Talk about this with your DH and make the decision that is best for all, including you, your DH and your existing kids. It will all be okay.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:24 AM FlagI'm surprised you know lots of people who faces this descision. I wouldn't imagine most people tell anyone but closest friends if they selectively abort. Are you in the IVF field?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:27 AM FlagI didn't mean I know lots of people who decided to selectively abort, just abort in general. This includes my parents, who decided they did not want a third child. It was the right decision for our family.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:33 AM FlagThen your irresponsible parents should have used birth control. We expect children to understand this when there is adults that are this fucking stupid?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 05:21 PM FlagThey did use birth control, but it failed in that instance. It's much more irresponsible to have a child you can't afford that will negatively impact the quality of life of the actual existing humans in your family than it is to abort a fetus. I know they made the right decision and neither they, nor my sister nor I have ever felt differently.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 06:25 AM Flag
Sorry. No way would I abort in these circumstances. You've got great housing costs. If you're going public and already have the nanny, the incremental cost isn't so great. But even if it were, I'd just move to a lower COL area before I'd choose my family size based on this.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 08:33 AM FlagWhat if the one you choose to keep has a disease that isn't evident from prenatal tests? Will you sell it at a yard sale? I know you're fake anyway...I just had to say that.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:15 AM FlagI lost a twin early in pregnancy (no interventions - naturally) - and sometimes I wonder if my DD misses something that she can't identify - and I wonder if the thing she misses is her twin. Maybe I'm projecting, but I wonder about that twin, too.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:23 AM FlagI had the same thing happen via IVF. Around 9 weeks one fetus lost the heartbeat. It's very common apparently. We were not upset because I was over 40 and we were worried about carrying twins to term but I do wonder sometimes. I don't get the reasoning here; I don't think at all it makes it more okay to do a reduction if the twins were conceived naturally. It's probably an identical twin then. It's meant to be.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 02:01 PM Flag
This may not be something you want to hear, but there is no way I would abort one twin. I would rather move to an outer boro or out of state in order to afford one more DC. I think you can afford 4 you just may not want to make the necessary sacrifices, which is something you will have to live with if you decide to abort one child.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 09:24 AM FlagSo you would choose to abort a potentially healthy baby because you COULDN'T afford to have 2? Abort one twin? I'm completely sickened by this. My husband and I both work full-time, live in a 1-bdr in Brooklyn, our HHI is less than $70K and we get by. If money is more important than your children, you shouldn't have any.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 06:29 PM FlagWho cares if it's IVF or natural? You have two babies-on-the-way who share a bond unlike anything you can imagine. And you'd choose to get rid of one to "save your lifestyle." Wow. I'm so gobsmacked. You're playing God. How will you choose which one to get rid of? Flip a coin? Perhaps one's a boy and you don't want a boy?
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 06:35 PM FlagOK, I have twins and I really don't think you should do this. I'm not anti-abortion at all and if you were carrying quads or something and were concerned about the health of the pregnancy I'd understand, but what is the issue here, really? Private school (you weren't going to pay full freight for all your kids anyway)? An extra bedroom (twins can share)? The extra cost of food, etc. for one more kid is not going to be that much more. Yes, it will mean less money to distribute for college, but I assume you were planning to apply for FA anyway. And once the baby is here, I guarantee you you're going to wind up wondering constantly what their twin would have been like, imagining if the reduction had aborted them instead of their twin, etc.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 06:31 AM Flag
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[+] My husband recently bought a gift for me for my birthday - something not special and ... 42 replies
Talk : : November 22, 2011
My husband recently bought a gift for me for my birthday - something not special and something I would not wear. He did put in effort but not money and thats why he ended with a cheap gift. What got me more upset is that he bought a gift for his sister which is more expensive than mine. I am mad at him but dont know what to do with the gift since I will not wear it
42 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.22.11, 06:35 AM Flag ]Do you mine sharing what he brought his sister and what he brought you? I don't blame you for feeling upset.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 06:37 AM FlagMy DH supported his brother and paid his tuition while I was scaling together every cent to pay for grad school (including borrowing $ from my parents).
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 06:38 AM Flag-
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Its the principle of the matter, its not about the money. See comment above about brother paying his brother's tuition while wife had to do it on her own.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:06 AM FlagWhat do you mean "on your own"? If you were married, it was your money as a couple. Your husband probably feels responsible for his siblings - maybe he has more money and they're struggling and he feels guilty? I don't think that's such a terrible thing. If he's a good husband otherwise, let it go.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:37 AM Flag
I don't know why everyone is ripping on OP! You know all of you bitches would be pissed (or would consider the possibility of an incestuous affair) cared more about getting his sister a gift. Hypocritical Harpies!!!!
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 07:11 AM FlagI doubt I know any of these women in real life. Of course you are upset, I would be too. The fact that he spent more on his sisters gift is totally annoying. She is the mother of his children to be and partner for life. Any gift is meant to show appreciation of that fact. I don't think the price tag matters at all if he could get DW something she liked or at least could use. Clearly he can't. He gets her something, then turns around and spends more on something for someone else. I would be annoyed, but I would totally mention it to DH. My DH used to do this, but where his mom was concerned.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 03:13 PM Flag
[+] When Europeans come on here and say snobby things, do they know they are being snobby... 66 replies
- me too! I still remember the one birthday that my parents took me to the toy store....
Talk : : November 21, 2011
When Europeans come on here and say snobby things, do they know they are being snobby or is it just a natural, uncontrollable thing?
66 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.21.11, 07:15 PM Flag ]-
Americans have destroyed the Christmas holiday by making it totally commercial. Sorry.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:17 PM Flag-
It's true. And glaringly obvious to people who didn't grow up here.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:20 PM FlagHow could you EVER raise your precious babies in such a Babylon?
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:21 PM Flag-
To me, you seem like a very weak person if you just let DH drag your into his version of a holiday. Why don't you defend your own traditions and refuse to participate in the tacky American version of the holiday?
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:24 PM Flag
Growing up my parent were super strict and we never ever got anything except for B-days and Christmas. At Christmas they let "Santa" go crazy with toys and it was great! I know that in the U.S it has gotten out of control but if done right it just one fantastic, incredible morning that dc's look forward to all year (atleast we did)
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:22 PM Flagthis. Thanksgiving is my favorite American holiday but Christmas is SOOOOOOO much better in Europe. The spirit, the mulled wine at the Christmas market, everything is closed on 24th and 25th. it's a very peaceful time. I think in part because everybody celebrates Christmas - in religious or non-religious way.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:25 PM Flag-
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sheesh lady, chill. I am from eastern Europe, and we always had our jewish friend over at Christmas. ALWAYS. It was not Christmas without her. She was elderly and her family lived in another city. we sang carols and everybody got gifts under the tree.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:41 PM FlagSo nice that you had a Jewish friend, did you also have a black one?
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:43 PM Flagactually no. it was a communist country where nobody wanted to come, so there were no black people .and most jewish people emigrated to other countries (mainly Israel), to escape communism. so yes, we had one jewish friend-she was a physician, like my mom, and they worked at the same hospital. more questions?
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:58 PM Flag
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Well call me a snot or whatever but the American traditions are the complete antithesis of what I grew up knowing Christmas to be about. And from my point of view, the commercialization of what should be the most sacred night of the year is disappointing.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:30 PM FlagAnd why should it be the most sacred night of the year? Please enlighten us.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:32 PM FlagExactly. They have a few pesky Muslims, no Jews to speak of...so of course in Europe it is sacred.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:33 PM FlagWTH are you talking about?!! Christmas does not have origins in Christianity, Jesus wasn't even born in December, and if you're a real Christian, your most sacred holiday should be Easter. JFC, pick up a GD book...
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:37 PM Flag-
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So you are saying the most sacred night of the year for all should be Xmas because it is a pagan holiday and thus universal across religions?
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:51 PM Flag-
It shouldn't be the most sacred night of the year for all; I respect that everyone has their own traditions, religious and/or secular. But I think if Americans had initially embraced it as the secular holiday that it was, today it'd be more widely-celebrated and far less commercial here in the US.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 08:09 PM Flag
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It doesn't matter that Jesus wasn't literally born on Christmas day, but it is the day designated to celebrate that event. But I agree w/ the people who think that it is not solely a Christian holiday. And who cares if it is commercialized? Make it what you want it to be. Not everyone goes crazy on Christmas w/ the presents.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 08:03 PM FlagMy beef is that there are a lot, A LOT, of "Christians" who actually believe he was born on December 25 and who think Christmas is the holiest of Christian holidays. Then the idiots have the gall to complain about the commercialization of Christmas. I'm sick of hearing it. I don't care how they celebrate Christmas, so long as they don't criticize the way I celebrate it.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 08:19 PM FlagRight. But my ILs do. MIL starts her Christmas shopping in August. ILs go hog wild and they love it. I was brought up here, but by Europeans. Our Christmases were much more solemn, quiet, peaceful. My point was that because we spend all holidays with ILs, the traditions of my family are getting lost, and that makes me sad. Someone turned that into Euro snob bashing and I also received a lesson about the history of Christmas by someone who is not a practicing Christian which is fine because it's not actually a Christian holiday.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 08:25 PM Flag
If you don't celebrate Christmas, I don't give a rat's ass what you do on the 24th/25th. This post, believe it or not, is not about you. I'm talking about practicing Christians who are totally missing the point of the holiday.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:39 PM FlagThose practicing Christians who are "totally missing the point" probably have a better understanding than you of what Christmas is all about. Do you really think Jesus was born on December 25th? Do you really think Christmas is about celebrating his birth? I'm not Christian, but I celebrate Christmas. Wanna know why? Because it's not a Christian holiday, no matter how much you tea-party freaks try and say it is.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:44 PM FlagYes. Every single one of them. Universally. This is what pisses me off about Europeans. You live in our country but feel free to make snotty generalizations about us as a society based on what you see, without making a real effort to make American friends and know what we are really like. I'm willing to bet you have few American friends of your own (not through your DH).
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 07:49 PM Flag
Ummm...is there any reason why a broad question on Europeans' snobbishness on UB has only received answers about Christmas. How about some more examples of obnoxious and aloof European comments, and maybe a good discussion on whether all Europeans are equal or some are even worse than the others.
[ Reply | More ]11.22.11, 02:40 AM Flag
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[+] Apologies if I've asked this many times before. How do you know if you have Alzheimer... 6 replies
- ha ha :P I'm a nurse mom and we have a running joke about alzheimers patients who can cook their own surprise birthday cake...
Talk : : November 21, 2011
Apologies if I've asked this many times before. How do you know if you have Alzheimers?
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.21.11, 05:24 PM Flag ]the Drs will start by giving you a "test" in the office to check your memory. They also give you an MRI to give a Dx. My mom just went through the testing and thank god her MRI was clean...nothing seen. Now my MIL unfortunately didn't do that well and has full blown Alzheimers
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 05:39 PM FlagThe ironic part is that a true Alzheimer's patient won't feel stressed out about having the disease, b/c they don't realize it. Rather, it's everyone around them who knows. If anything the Alzheimer's person is going to get annoyed that people keep interfering with their lives. In general, you don't know what you don't know, so ignorance is bliss. Generally, Alzheimer's people aren't staying up at night quizzing themselves on what they can remember.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 06:26 PM Flag
[+] Do I really have to write Thank You notes for b'day presents for ds? Just turned 5 y... 48 replies
- do them and always get them. There was one birthday party we didn't get a thank-you for last...the gift got lost some how. at those kid birthday venue places they pack up the presents for you...My dd went to a party recently where the birthday girl included a personal thank-you note inside the...thank you note after going to my friends' birthday parties and having my own. Thank you notes...I had him sign the cards before his birthday) but I'm also from the school that...
Talk : : November 21, 2011
Do I really have to write Thank You notes for b'day presents for ds? Just turned 5 yo and, had a large party w/ too many of his friends and classmates. Seems like every parent that I talk to feels the same, that TY notes are total waste of time. A couple parents last year didn't write them and I never thought anything of it. Really, do I have to?? anyone here not do them? ugh, the guilt
48 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.21.11, 11:12 AM Flag ]I don't care if I receive one, but it always makes me think well of a mom who has her kid scribble a little something. DD just turned 4 and we did it together for about 15 people. It took hours and we were both exhausted, but I want to teach her about being grateful....and my mom would die if I didn't do it! MIL has told me i NEVER need to send her one, she knows that I appreciate what she does...i'm a lucky DIL!!
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:15 AM Flagwe do them and always get them. There was one birthday party we didn't get a thank-you for last year and honestly I wonder if the gift got lost some how. at those kid birthday venue places they pack up the presents for you in a big bag, could have missed one. for this reason alone I prefer to send and receive them.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:15 AM FlagHow about having DC color or draw on them and just write "Thank you" no more.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:16 AM FlagIn my world you get a gift, you write a thank you note. I would notice if my child attended your party and did not get a thank you note. I think a five year old can write: Dear John, Thank you for the puzzle. Love Mark. Do five at a time until they are done and next time don't have such a large party.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:18 AM FlagI don't know where you buy them but we've recieved TY notes preprinted with Dear _____, Thank you for the ________. Your friend, _________. DC just fills in the blanks.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:24 AM FlagI personally think not writing a note is poor form but like the poster above said, I'm more worried that the gift was lost. Did you send a paperless post or evite? At a minimum, you could thank the family for the gift via a personal message through the Internet.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:26 AM FlagMy dd went to a party recently where the birthday girl included a personal thank-you note inside the goody bag. "Dear _____, Thank you for coming to my party." I thought it was pretty ingenious.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:26 AM Flag-
OR: sure. But I think it takes some of the pressure off. Frankly, I couldn't care less about receiving thank-you notes and dread making my dd write them.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:33 AM FlagBut a lot of people want to know you actually received the gift. I told my 7 year old this year if he didn't want to write them we could put a sticker on his favor saying "thank you for coming to my party" and I would ask that no one bring gifts. I dread home work a lot of nights but it's one of those things you should do imo.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:44 AM Flag
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This is where I totally miss opening the presents at the party and saying thanks at that time. We did this as kids -- I don't believe I ever wrote nor received a single thank you note after going to my friends' birthday parties and having my own. Thank you notes were for presents people sent by mail (meaning relatives). Not for other 5 and 6 year olds. But I'm old. This was in late '60s, early 70s, in midwest suburbs.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:38 AM Flagwe did too but all the kids I knew were solidly MC. I think the LMC kids would be mortified when they saw some of the ridiculously expensive gifts my ds has received from classmates. Maybe not, ds doesn't seem to know which cost $ and which don't but I don't want to risk it.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:41 AM FlagI guess. But anyway, (and I know people will flame) I always make a point to thank the moms when I see them after the party (or e-mail them if I don't) to thank them so they know dc got the gift and liked it. But then, if I don't get around to writing thank you notes after that, I don't feel so bad.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:44 AM Flag
At five, I wrote the note and my son signed it (actually I had him sign the cards before his birthday) but I'm also from the school that if you receive a gift you send a thank you.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:39 AM FlagDid you take a group photo? You could upload it to shutterfly and type in Thank you for coming to my party. Your friend, James (and then maybe personalize the bottom with something about the gift) If you are feeling guilty why don't you just do it and bang it out? Do you not send Holiday cards either?
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:48 AM FlagMy mom always made me write them and I inflict that pain upon my children as well. But, I do feel like our children's generation is so spoiled and so entitled that spending the time to write their name on a thank you note is the least they can do. I do think 5 (at least for my son) would be young to write the whole thing out, but seeing that he has to thank his friends is an important lesson. Do 4 a night or over the long weekend!
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:52 AM FlagHave never done thank you notes for dc's parties. They are usually big - lots of kids and i try to thank many in person when i see them. Think its a giant waste of time and more importantly completely unhelpful for the environment. The reader literally opens it and then throws it away.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 02:19 PM FlagI think it's an important lesson to teach kids, so I have always had my kids (now 5 & 3) dictate them to me, then they "decorate" the page. That said, I hate dealing with it, so I always put "no gifts, please" on the invite. They get enough stuff from their relatives & family friends. Enough is enough.
[ Reply | More ]11.23.11, 02:54 PM Flag
[+] So random....my almost 3 year old keeps asking for a "popcorn popper" for his upcomin... 23 replies
Talk : : November 21, 2011
So random....my almost 3 year old keeps asking for a "popcorn popper" for his upcoming birthday and/or the holidays......he isn't talking about that vintage push toy-and when I show him pictures seems to understand what one is and does- so I'm happy to get him a popcorn popper even though I wouldn't say he is a popcorn lover. Anyone have a guess as to if he is talking about something different? Maybe a toy or game I'm not familiar with? Or anyone have a suggestion for one that is good for kids? Thank!!
23 replies [ Reply | Watch | More11.21.11, 10:47 AM Flag ]I'm sorry for this response, but i can't help myself. My 3yo dd had to be heimliched due to popcorn. It was terrifying, please make sure you are careful. (signed not usually crazy mom)
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 10:50 AM FlagNP: thank you, that is a good point. I have three year old, we're just starting to give popcorn one colonel at a time and I'm not sure if it's safe. We'll ask the ped I guess.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 10:52 AM Flag-
NNP: there was a horrifying piece in NYT a couple of years ago about kids and choking; the three major offenders per an EMT who was interviewed are hot dogs, grapes and popcorn. A ped in the article recommended no popcorn or peanuts until DCs are old enough to spell the words - but I guess on UB, where all kids are above average, that's 18 months!
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:38 AM Flag
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honestly, why not make popcorn with him in a pan on the stove?
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 10:54 AM FlagI purchased a popcorn maker for DD 5yo, she loves it and so does my 2yo.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:07 AM FlagBest money I ever spent. http://www.amazon.com/Presto-114316-04820-PopLite-Popper/dp/B00006IUWA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1321902706&sr=8-1
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:12 AM FlagWe love our microwave one http://www.amazon.com/West-Bend-Microwave-Popcorn-Popper/dp/B003N9WXYQ/ref=sr_1_3?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1321903381&sr=1-3
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:23 AM Flag
OP- thanks! Great point about the choking hazard. Very true happy your DD is ok. We could just do microwave or in a pan or Jiffy pop. I'm really curious as to if this is what he is asking for. Wasn't sure if there was some toy out there that could easily be confused with a popcorn popper that I wasn't aware of. Kids make the strangest associations! I found a cute one that is called the "puppy popper" which looks really cute.
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:08 AM FlagI'm guessing he is referring to the Moon Dough snack shop. My daughter has been telling me she wants one also. It's always on during the commercial that plays during her one show for the day, Team Umizoomi. Here's the link for the Snack Shop, but I am wary of moon dough because I think it makes a huge mess. I can't decide if we'll get it for her either. http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11965015
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 11:35 AM Flaghttp://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2077/3530792633_4daf3b7794.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.flickr.com/photos/cookiepie/&h=280&w=280&sz=17&tbnid=hemu5LhuBrmU2M:&tbnh=90&tbnw=90&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dpopcorn%2Btoy%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=popcorn+toy&docid=ilAWu7ifC3QuAM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=Cq7KTt3aM-jm0QGI7vQv&ved=0CG0Q9QEwAg
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 12:08 PM Flagso - I dont think that a popcorn popper is the SAFEST 3 yr old gift- but in terms of randomness- he might have seen it once and grown obsessed. We got my 3 year old a broom and a set of his "own" car keys (ie - i bought him keys that look just like mine and DH's on ebay and put them on a key chain) for his birthday. those are really all he wanted and he is obsessed with both "gifts."
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 12:13 PM Flaghttp://www.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6.aspx?GrpTyp=STY&ItemID=19d8812&submit%20search.y=0&Ntt=popcorn&SearchString=popcorn&Ne=4+840+877+878+5+961+6+29+3+579+963+1014+1031+8+587+15+12+1011+598+11+506+10+23+585+969+596+1022+586+1007+879+968+1027+18+904+903+833+949&hdnOnGo=true&NOffset=0&submit%20search.x=0&Nao=0&N=4294959029&SO=0&PSO=0&CmCatId=searchresults
[ Reply | More ]11.21.11, 04:54 PM Flag
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