Your search for "HHI" returned the following 22939 results:
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[+] Would you qualify for financial aid on a HHI of 130k but owning your home outright pl...
Talk : : December 12, 2011
[+] I have been a SAHM for the last few months with the idea that I would go back to work... 14 replies
- This is me except we are on uws and HHI is 225. I decided to quit after going back to work for a couple of months. Expecting #2 in a bit. I will let you know how it goes....
Talk : : December 12, 2011
I have been a SAHM for the last few months with the idea that I would go back to work after Dec. I am now re-thinking my decision and thinking of SAHM for longer and having another baby. Our first is 2 years now. I'm worried about being ok as a family of 4 on the UES with a HHI of $250K. Any thoughts on how to make ends meet and not sacrifice vacations, kids pre-school, babysitters etc.. thanks
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.12.11, 04:02 PM Flag ]-
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No. Life is about choices. Live in Manhattan but sacrifice eating out and vacations or live in the burbs and SAH or go back to work and don't make the sacrifices. You can't have aything.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:18 PM FlagYou CAN have everything, but you can't have it all at once. Why not have another kid, and sacrifice vacations/eating out/whatever else you can until you go back to work? Kids don't remember vacations that young anyways, and if you can find cheaper ways of enjoying yourself, go for it.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:21 PM FlagWith 2 kids you naturally sacrifice a lot of that anyway, we use a sitter less now, never go out as a family to eat and limit travel, doing stuff with 2 kids is so much harder than with 1. it kind fo sucks while they are young but nice they are older and hopefully in public school you will have your life back and you can do stuff again
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:28 PM FlagDepends on what "etc" means. You take everything that you have listed and put it in one column and then put everything else in the sacrifice column and decide to what degree - eg, Starbucks (gone), eating out (minimize to only on nights where you have sitter - babies don't need restaurants).
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:31 PM Flagit's do-able, esp if that $250K is just one income bc you don't need childcare. do a preschool alternative program and maybe look into public preK. look for reasonably priced housing. you don't have to sacrifice vacations, they just need to be more affordable. we go down to Outerbanks with 3 other families and rent a house w a pool and it's 2,500 for 2 weeks. we drive there (about 9 hours) so just gas. we eat at home a lot - lots of grilling and other easy things. vacations don't have to be a monumental expense. and you can get a HS sitter for $10/hr if you ask around.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:42 PM Flag
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[+] Katie Ridder is such an amazing interior designer. Why doesn't anyone ever mention he... 2 replies
- np I'd imagine MOST nyc designers design for people with an hhi over 350k--aka the 1%....
Talk : : December 12, 2011
[+] I am preparing to be judged, but I married my wife because she was brilliant, ambitio... 33 replies
- Yup. If it were really about you wanting her to work "for her own good," you would do this, and I'll bet your HHI would be the same with both of your working in the city she wants to live in. Stop kidding yourself with your false altruism. You want her to work in this new place because somehow, you think it benefits YOU....
Talk : : December 12, 2011
I am preparing to be judged, but I married my wife because she was brilliant, ambitious and beautiful. She gave up her job to follow me for what was supposed to be a 1 year rotation in another city. It has turned into 5 years. I feel bad that her career has taken such a hit - she's now a SAHM - but at the same time, I feel like she should pick up the pieces and figure out something new. I don't mind her being a SAHM, but I don't want her to be a SAHM forever. What is she going to do when the kids go to school?
33 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.12.11, 03:50 PM Flag ]SAHM here. I agree with you 100%. I cannot wait to go back to work. already looking. youngest dc is still an infant.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 03:53 PM Flag???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 03:54 PM Flag
You are a d!ck. So you ask her to give up her job to benefit yours, and although you feel badly her career has taken a hit you don't understand why she's not a powerful career woman. Why don't you talk to your wife about you career plans (are you still planning on leaving this city?) and how that may impact her. Also, ask her what she wants to do with her life, and how you (yes, you!) can support her in her goals, much like she supported you by giving up her job, moving and being a SAHM.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 03:54 PM FlagMaybe she's been waiting to return to the city you moved from and were supposed to return to 4 years ago?
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 03:55 PM FlagYes, that's what she told me, but I told her that realistically, that's probably not going to happen anytime soon since I make too much money here.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:00 PM FlagOOR: This economy has a lot of families in the lurch, and is wrecking a lot of relationships. No matter where you live, she should try to work. You are right, the will come a day when her children don't need her. And she has the rest of her life in front of her. she has to return to work eventually.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:03 PM FlagShe doesn't have to work, but I would like her to for her own good. She is now saying that it's too stressful right now with my schedule and she'll be stuck with the childcare arrangements and her job. That is true. I can't be there to drop off and pick up. She will need to do those things. I am not around often.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:20 PM FlagIn other words, all you do is your job, and because it makes a lot of money, you don't think you are required to do your part at home. You want her to run the household, take care of two children singlehandedly, AND work so that she a) maintains your interest and b) doesn't cost you so much, especially if you divorce? You are a prince.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:25 PM Flag-
So, she's got to stay in this new city indefinitely because you want to? Does she have a vote? If you make so much money, why can't she SAHM and raise the children/take care of the house? Because you say so? Do you even care about what she wants to do? Are you willing to compromise at all what you want for what she wants? Sounds like you get to have the family stay in the temporary city and she gets to SAHM. If you return to original city, sounds like she is prepared to get a job outside the home. Sounds like compromise to me.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:08 PM FlagShe can stay at home. I like having a wife at home, I just feel bad when I think about her lack of career and how she's taken a hit. I am not trying to be a dick.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:19 PM Flagpp Even as you say that, you're talking about her choices as things that you like or don't like, you don't disagree with the reasons she says she doesn't want to work (there is enough money, you won't be around to help AND she thought this move was temporary) but yet, YOU want her to work. It's all about you, isn't it?
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:22 PM Flag
If I were your wife I would be resenting the hell out of you right now. How about YOU take a hit and move back to where you promised her her life would be? Or is it always your turn to get what you want?
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:23 PM FlagYup. If it were really about you wanting her to work "for her own good," you would do this, and I'll bet your HHI would be the same with both of your working in the city she wants to live in. Stop kidding yourself with your false altruism. You want her to work in this new place because somehow, you think it benefits YOU.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:40 PM Flag
You need to see you guys as a team. It sounds like she does - she gave up the job to follow you - but you are saying "she should follow me but then do her own thing." Talk to her about your (combined) future plans. How long to you plan to stay in this "temporary city"? What do you each want out of life now? How has having children, moving and time changes your (both) perspectives? Without this conversation, you guys will be heading for serious trouble.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:03 PM FlagYou are the biggest jerk on earth. I hope she divorces you and you get stuck paying alimony for the rest of your life.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:41 PM FlagI'm a guy and even I don't agree with OP. OP wants to have his cake and eat it, too. If you wanted her to be an equal you shouldn't have moved to the boonies. By short-circuiting her career you have bought her dependent status. Now leave her alone and enjoy the big salary she let you have.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 04:54 PM FlagYou say you married her because she is brilliant, ambitious and beautiful. Buddy, you need to love her for HER, whether she's working, not working, beautiful, run-down...whatever. Maybe you're finding her as attractive but that happens with time. You sound very young and naive.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:34 PM Flag
[+] After reading all these 'breadwinner' posts, I'm less inclined to think that this is ... 8 replies
Talk : : December 12, 2011
After reading all these 'breadwinner' posts, I'm less inclined to think that this is about golddigging as I did before. Most of the bitterness seems to be about DHs who are slackers or not ambitious -- this I get, and it doesn't seem to be as much about the money as about the lack of trying. I earn about 75% of HHI, but my DH is tops in his field and works very hard (sometimes harder than I do). I wished I'd had more flexibility to SAHM at least p/t when DC were little, but I still respect him.
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.12.11, 11:58 AM Flag ]I complained on that thread. If my DH were top (or even close) in a low paying field, I'd be 100% ok with that. It's the lack of trying, the lack of ambition.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 12:00 PM FlagDitto. I just posted about how DH is always having a crisis and wanting to change jobs. He doesn't like what he does (he's a teacher) but doesn't really have any other ideas or the ability to transition to anything else. He's lost and I've been trying to help him for years.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 12:37 PM Flag
I get it, too, but it would be nice if both of us have options. My DH is well-regarded in a poorly paid field, but this leaves me having to stay in a job I dislike because he can't take the hit and do something that's not his passion for a while. I do resent that.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 12:14 PM FlagI kind of get this because I had a slacker BF in college who I was totally like, "No, dude, you pursue art and I'll support us." Now looking back I realize that it wasn't that he was some misunderstood creative type but that he was totally lazy. I get it. However, what I don't get is women who insist that their DHs must earn all of the money to support her choice to SAH.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 12:58 PM Flag
[+] DH and I both work in fashion, commute to midtown (live DT), HHI $300K. 1 DC. If we... 8 replies
Talk : : December 12, 2011
[+] Any Forest Hills moms on? 38 replies
- I was 3 mos pregnant, and they said they *may* have spots for them when they turn 1 yo. There are many daycares in the area, but for the most part they don't take kids under 2 yo. We ended up having to get a nanny, even though our HHI is only about 100k/year. If you have a car, however, you may have more options....
Talk : : December 12, 2011
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Hi! I was wondering if you had any information on what the child care situation is like. We have been looking at the group home day cares, and they all seem to be religious. What does the typical mom do for child care?
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:31 AM FlagNannies, Church in the gardens and also Community house have programs. Where are you looking in FH?
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:34 AM Flag-
community house has a nice board that people post on looking for shares for childcare. A few moms around the gardens also take on a child or 2.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:37 AM Flagalso there is a group home day care on Austin street past Union tkp called rainbow... something. I drive by them everyday and the kids are always smiling walking back from the park. I don't think it is religious like the russian's down on the rego park side of Austin st
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:41 AM FlagThanks. Google cannot find anything on this, but I will keep checking. Given that it seems like we will need to drive him every morning, how is the traffic? It was pretty bad yesterday, on a Sunday. I can't imagine what it is like during rush hour.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:45 AM Flagtraffic during the morning is hit or miss AUSTIN street is very busy the "Go TO" place on the weekends for local queens people. Once you learn your way around Austin st like cutting through the gardens and what not you will be fine. I usually get from the gardens to the local Montessori in under 7 min in the early AM.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:53 AM Flag
DS will be 4 months old when he starts. We would prefer the south side of Queens Boulevard, but are open to something close enough to the 71st / Continental station. We really do not want a nanny.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:38 AM Flagrainbow day care is on the south side but a very long walk and 3 stops via subway from 71 did you look at the ymca?
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:43 AM FlagI am a nanny fwiw. I don't know if I would hire a nanny in the fh area they are very tight knit and most treat the babies as a reason to go sit at BN with other Nans. Drives me crazy
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:44 AM FlagChurch in the gardens has a nice non religious program that runs from the building.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:46 AM FlagOP: Thank you for that feedback. Both DH and I are strong believers in group day cares for many reasons, but it seems like there are limited options if we move to Forest Hills.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:55 AM Flag
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Other than home daycares, the only one in the area for under age 2 is Preschool of America on Queens Blvd.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 06:17 AM FlagWe tried to find a daycare for our twins (now 5 mo) but found only one daycare that takes infants--Preschool of America. Got on the wait list when I was 3 mos pregnant, and they said they *may* have spots for them when they turn 1 yo. There are many daycares in the area, but for the most part they don't take kids under 2 yo. We ended up having to get a nanny, even though our HHI is only about 100k/year. If you have a car, however, you may have more options.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 06:23 AM FlagOP: Thanks everyone for your input. Please keep it coming! I just called Preschool of America, and will go on a tour. The bad is that they have a 4:1 ratio of infants to adults, which is the minimum guideline in NYS for day care facilities. The minimum guideline for a home-based day care is 2:1. I think 4:1 is high for an infant. :(
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 06:45 AM FlagYou're not going to find 2:1 care anywhere. Home-based care would take more older kids so you've got one person trying to handle an infant and a bunch of toddlers and preschoolers before you'll find a pure 2:1 ration (if that's even a requirement). 2:1 isn't financially viable for a center. If yo'ure looking for that, you should definitely look into a nanny share.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 06:51 AM FlagWe seriously considered PSA for our 2nd, and only had reservations due to the limited outdoor time. Our first was in a FT daycare center from 4 mos. in Manhattan, and we had a very good experience. I feel that my daycare child was at a developmental advantage over my nanny child (which is what we wound up doing with #2) due to the socialization and the fact that he was surrounded by people who actually studied early childhood development and education.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 06:51 AM FlagA friend has her DC in Lucky Stars acros the Blvd and loves it.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 07:02 AM Flag-
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I suppose it is an option, but we both hate the idea so much.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 07:14 AM FlagI'm the poster above with the twins. We really wanted daycare for our babies as well (largely b/c of the cost), but we ended up getting a nanny and now I am so glad we did. You just have to find someone good. 1) it makes your life easier, b/c the nanny comes to you in the morning 2) the nanny is focused on your db and doesn't have other kids to worry about. You seem concerned about the 4:1 ratio of day care centers, so a nanny or nanny share seems like it would make sense for you. Especially when db is an infant, I think the individualized attention of a (good)nanny is a huge plus.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 07:24 AM Flag^^you can always switch to a daycare when dc is older and socialization is more important.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 07:25 AM FlagIf we wanted to hire a nanny until our DB gets a day care spot, would we tell the nanny this upfront? It seems terrible to hire someone knowing that it will be a temporary position, but I can't see who would take the position knowing our intentions.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 07:28 AM FlagIt could be a while (until db turns 1 or 2, which is when more daycare spots open up). And who knows, you may end up loving your nanny and decide you want to keep her. So I wouldn't say anything up front, but if you do end up letting her go after a few months, give her a generous severance and do what you can to help her find a new position.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 07:58 AM FlagIt depends on when they qualify for daycare and you may change your mind if you find a good nanny. I personally wouldn't
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 09:07 AM FlagHI I am the nanny from this morning found out the real name of the "rainbow" childcare it is a jewish childcare accepting ages 2 and above. If you chose to go with a Nanny for the time being I would just say it is a temporary gig until you figure out what you would like to have for your child in the long run. I know of one very decent nanny who has worked in the gardens for years and comes with amazing references. If you would like her info I will see if she is still looking. She is Polish and speaks English.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 05:37 PM Flag
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[+] I may need to repost in the morning but I am desperate so I will try tonight also. DH... 41 replies
- Our HHI is well above $1 million/year and I would never spend $170 on a coat for a 6 year old! That's ridiculous. There are tons of coats out there for under $100. In fact, I ordered 2 coats from Lands End a month ago that...
Talk : : December 11, 2011
I may need to repost in the morning but I am desperate so I will try tonight also. DH took DD to the mall and she forgot her jacket in a store he didn't feel like going back to look for it so they just left without her coat. Her coat is now sold out at and I can't find a nice replacement anywhere. I checked Lands End,LL Bean, Jcrew, Mini Boden, Gap, Tea Collection and Hannah Anderson. I need something in a size 6. Any Suggestions?
41 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.11.11, 09:23 PM Flag ]Patagonia (will be $$$$), REI, Appaman, Polo (though the zippers are often cruddy), Spyder (also $$$$)
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:26 PM FlagThanks I am going to check now. I just checked Nordstrums and saw a coat for $650 ahhhhh. My budget is only $150.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:29 PM Flag
i am sorry but you are this desperate over a coat for a little kid. order something basic from lands end thats reasonable and be done with it
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:43 PM Flagyour DH is a prick. I guess he thinks that money grows on trees but to leave a coat because he didn't feel like going back? Such bullshit. As for a good winter coat, go to Lands End and ...it's 40% off one item today. Their down coats are worth it.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 02:45 AM Flag^^ my dd has the longer version of this one and she loves it http://www.landsend.com/pp/PuffyDownJacket~212890_1187.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::DKG&CM_MERCH=IDX_Outerwear-_-Girls-_-BigKid-_-Down&origin=index
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 02:46 AM Flag
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OP: Can you better explain to us what the issue is? Are you having trouble finding her size? Go up a size. I prefer my kid's coats big. It's easier to get them on, and she may be able to use it again next year. Is there an issue other than size? What feature are you looking for that you can't find at this price point? My kids have had $$$ jackets, and they've had very warm jackets from Target. It's NOT hard to find a warm jacket for under $150, so there must be more specific criteria here that we're not understanding. Please explain and we'll be better able to help.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 07:15 AM Flagdoesn't it make more sense to just call the store and ask them if they have a lost and found?
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 07:17 AM FlagOR: Oh, of course it does. But being that many have suggested that and she's ignoring them I decided to just respond to her jacket inquiry. The whole post is rather confusing as a) Why didn't he go back for the jacket, b)She doesn't seem to have called the store to find it, c) it's not at all difficult to find a $150 jacket for a child. I'm just giving her the benefit of the doubt, and assuming there's something more specific she's looking for, but has not explained.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 07:28 AM Flag
http://www.jcrew.com/girls_category/outerwearandjackets/PRDOVR~47694/47694.jsp My dd has this one and we love it! I'm willing to spend $100 on a jacket only because her sister is just a year younger, so anything I buy I get 2 years + wear out of. This is VERY warm, and it converts to a vest, which is cute. All the colors but red are on sale for $98.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 07:24 AM Flaghe did not "feel" like going back and ask for the jacket and You are desperate?? You guys have worst problems than this
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 07:59 AM FlagOP: Sorry it has been a busy day. I didn't call the store because it is all the way in Nyack and I have no intention of going back to get the coat, I simply do not have the time. I showed DD all the coats and she hated them all and started crying that she did not want to wear an ugly coat. I just wanted a coat that she will at least like and be warm in. She will just have to wear a LE parka, and learn to be more responsible with her items next time. I agree DH was an ass for not going back to the store to get her coat.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 09:52 AM FlagThen your daughter is as much of an ass as your husband. If my daughter was that fashion snotty at that age I'd give ehr a burlap sack and see how she liked it. Sorry, OP, but your "problems" are freaking ridiculous and your family sounds like a bunch of stuck-up jackasses.
[ Reply | More ]12.12.11, 10:58 AM Flag
[+] What does "VBA" mean? 3 replies
- Veiled brag alert. When someone pretends they aren't bragging but totally are. Like, "I have $900K in savings. Is that enough for a 30-year-old with a $500K HHI? I feel like other people in equivalent situations might have more...
Talk : : December 11, 2011
[+] Divorced or single moms making it work: where do you live, HHI, child support/help fr... 8 replies
Talk : : December 11, 2011
Divorced or single moms making it work: where do you live, HHI, child support/help from ex yes/no, age of DCs, yourself?
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.11.11, 05:54 PM Flag ]-
Construction business owner whom i believe hides income. Child is 2 and a half. Me 39.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 08:21 PM Flag-
Dont know just know he is surviving a NYC lifestyle - car rent etc - and hardly woking since we slit up. Hence $90 a week.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 08:32 PM Flag-
Ive posted here before (actually while pregnant) and was flamed for my situation. He was unusual when we were dating and I didnt getto know all the ins and outs bf getting pregnant. It has dawned on me that he is a con artist of sorts. It is like a life sentence i did not deserve dealing w him now. And the money is only part of it.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:00 PM Flag
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[+] HHI is $250K. Mortgage is $280K and student loans at $190K. Considering private schoo... 12 replies
Talk : : December 11, 2011
HHI is $250K. Mortgage is $280K and student loans at $190K. Considering private school for 2 DCs and it will cost $38K for both. Financially ok?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.11.11, 11:14 AM Flag ]I guess its fine, but damn get rid of the student loans! There are a lot of great public schools throughout the city. I wish more of you took advantage of them so that way theyd have a better rap.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 11:32 AM FlagI don't see how you can answer this question without knowing what your additional monthly expenses are.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 11:37 AM FlagDo you pay for childcare? How much do you pay per month on the student loans?
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 01:01 PM Flag
[+] Currently working retail for the holidays: large middle America department store. It ... 7 replies
- OP: No, you can't believe that there are any middle class/working class people on UB. You think that there is some mythical doorman who keeps "the poors" out(anyone w/ less than a 6 figure hhi). Sorry, bub---I'm here. I have four kids...
Talk : : December 11, 2011
Currently working retail for the holidays: large middle America department store. It is shocking to me the amount of people who seem to be shopping/spending money almost by compulsion. They get to the cash wrap and they seem as though they really can't afford all of the presents, they're putting the balance on 3-4 different cards, and then there's that look on their face--serious hesitation w/ a pained expression as I give the total And let me tell you the products aren't worth it...why do people do this?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.11.11, 10:37 AM Flag ]I smell fake OP. This happens, surely but I don't believe OP is working in a large, Middle America dept store.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 10:52 AM FlagIt's fake - different versions of this pop up every few days. "People paying w/ 3 cards.."
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 10:53 AM FlagOP: Whatever, I'm not fake. In fact I have to leave in 2 minutes to begin showering and dressing in order to make my shift by 12pm. I work 12-9 today(hour lunch)-- On my feet. I could tell you so much about retail---this store's sister store is high end. You'd never shop in any dept. store again.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 10:56 AM Flag
OP: No, you can't believe that there are any middle class/working class people on UB. You think that there is some mythical doorman who keeps "the poors" out(anyone w/ less than a 6 figure hhi). Sorry, bub---I'm here. I have four kids...holidays we like the extra money to help out, but we pay cash for everything.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 10:54 AM Flag
[+] At what point do you think it is a good idea for a student to take out huge loans to ... 24 replies
- BTDT. I got into Berkeley with nearly a full ride (merit aid) and I wasn't a CA resident. Also got into Harvard, but they were only going to give me $11K a year. My parents had a HHI of $48K. It sucked big time. This was before they started offering full aid to those under $100K or $50K, whatever the income threshold is now....
Talk : : December 11, 2011
At what point do you think it is a good idea for a student to take out huge loans to pay for college? For example if a student gets into SUNY-Buffalo with a huge financial aid pkg, and also gets into U. of Michigan with no $$ aid, are the loans worth it to go to Michigan? What if the choices are U. of Michigan with a large $$ aid pkg and Harvard with no $$ aid. I am guessing most people would say take the loans for Harvard but not for Michigan? Assume the family has very little money saved for college. (it's totally hypothetical question - my DC aren't even in High School yet) And PS I am not trying to make any comments against Buffalo or Michigan - just trying to pick schools at different levels
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.11.11, 08:51 AM Flag ]Mich with aid over harvard in a heart beat. I don't know much about SUNY Buffalo
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 08:58 AM FlagIf you are getting financial aid at Michigan, you are also going to get aid at Harvard (probably more, since Harvard has a bigger budget per student for need-based aid).
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:06 AM FlagThis is not true at all. Michigan give great merit scholarships, Harvard does not. They give need to very few and you may not qualify for need, but still not be able to pay.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:09 AM FlagMy sister got into UMich with a full ride merit scholarship. Got into harvard - the acceptance letter had a notice about how to take a second mortgage out on your home to finance your child's harvard education. My parents' income was below 100k. She went to Michigan.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:15 AM FlagWow that is kind of disgusting (I mean the letter about taking out a mortgage)
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:19 AM FlagBTDT. I got into Berkeley with nearly a full ride (merit aid) and I wasn't a CA resident. Also got into Harvard, but they were only going to give me $11K a year. My parents had a HHI of $48K. It sucked big time. This was before they started offering full aid to those under $100K or $50K, whatever the income threshold is now.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 11:26 AM Flag
We made the call for our DC: no loans for undergrad. DS graduating soon and has so many options because he is not saddled by debt. For most, depends on savings, what they want to study, what they plan to do after graduation, and whether they work during summers/breaks/school to fund their own education.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:00 AM FlagHonestly, I went to one of the most expensive schools in the country--and I would say if money is an issue, go to the cheaper school. That said, typically the better schools (like Harvard) are more expensive on paper, but if you need $ they will give aid like nobody else. If money is not tight, and a kid is really into academics, I would say spring for the better school regardless of cost.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:02 AM FlagToo many variables and some bad information here. Most state schools give little or no need-based financial aid (some academic scholarships, but not much is need-based), so many students end up with huge amounts of debt at graduation. Schools like Harvard are very generous with need-based FA (to the point where many students take no student loans at all). The best you can do is apply, ask for FA and see where the chips fall. It can end up being cheaper to attend Harvard than SUNY-Binghamton.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:02 AM FlagThere are many people who do not qualify for need based aid. Schools like this typically have most students paying full tuition and a handful of the very needy paying next to nothing (while that is good, many, many smart kids simply cannot afford it and cannot get need-based aid).
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:11 AM FlagOP here: sorry for the bad info, I'm not even close to the process yet so I don't know much, but I have heard your point about Harvard (and schools at that level) providing lots of need based aid. So now I just have to hope for DCs acceptance!
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:13 AM Flag
undergraduate or graduate? If you need advanced education for your desired career, I say go to a state school with a good reputation for your major in undergrad, work your tail off, then apply to grad schools with really good stipends. My SIL did this, got a full ride to state, a fabulous position as a GA at a top school, and will be finishing her PhD this year, without having spent a penny on her education.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 11:03 AM FlagI actually think the problem schools are not Harvard/Yale/Princeton (which give good FA packages) but schools like Sarah Lawrence, or Bennington, or Boston University, which don't have anything like the same endowment but cost just as much. And then your kid goes to Sarah Lawrence and studies painting. That's why this is a tough question. What field is the kid going into? What exactly do they want to leverage the undergrad degree to do? A child should get the best education possible for as little money possible with as realistic a sense as possible about their earning potential afterward.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 11:12 AM FlagYou question art as a major and yet around you constantly are images and designs created by artists: advertising, web design, scenic design, art design for television and film. Are these easy, high-paying careers? Perhaps not, but it's not as if studying art leads into a dark cave of nothingness.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 11:22 AM Flag
A poster above said it. The GOOD expensive schools give great need-based aid. The ones that don't are not worth it. Schools like Boston University or NYU aren't better than good state schools. This is true of some 2nd tier liberal arts colleges, too. If they give financial aid, they are good. But if they don't, it's a sign they aren't really worth it.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 11:41 AM Flag
[+] Spin off to the house heating post below. We live in an old house and have trouble ke... 66 replies
- THIS. I live in the bottom floor and basement of a drafty triplex in Montreal (quite a bit colder here than in NYC!)DH and I are far from wealthy (hhi ~50K before huge taxes), so we do our best to keep it warm in here without jacking the heat up. We seal the windows with plastic (you can buy this at a hardware store), it is not difficult to do and keeps the heat inside. Other...
Talk : : December 11, 2011
Spin off to the house heating post below. We live in an old house and have trouble keeping it warm, we are struggling financially and simply can't afford to jack up heat all winter. We keep it 63-64 inside and wear layers. My kids are used to it but when my DH's older kids come to stay with us, they get out the electric heaters and run them all day. We wind up with astronomical ($400+) electric bills. Just venting.
66 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.11.11, 06:40 AM Flag ]Then turn up the heat, its kind of rude to make your guest suffer then complain about, also it will be cheaper. Btw legally its suppose to be at 65 when you have children and 65 is not warm.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:02 AM Flag-
63-64 indoor temperature is cruel to dc unless you are really in danger of being homeless. In NYC if you called 311 and they didn't fix the heat you would be removed from that apartment by the city.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:18 AM FlagI just posted above about this same issue. I lived in a cheap place in Brooklyn and the landlord kept the building in the low 60s. I had to sleep with a ski cap on at night or else I'd wake up freezing. That's insanity! It was the most miserable two months of my life! I can't imagine doing this to DCs.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:20 AM Flagnp: Haha! That reminds me of the time I stayed in a hotel in the Bellagio in the Italian lakes. It was late September. They hadn't turned the heat on for the season. It was 58 degrees in the room at night! DH and I slept in down jackets and hats and scarves with our gloves on. We changed hotels ASAP. TORTURE!!!!
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:27 AM Flag
You sound off. If you are struggling financially, it may be time to move to a smaller house, or eliminate some other expenses. Heat in the winter should be the LAST expense you cut!
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:25 AM FlagIt annoys you that they are cold? I run my heat the way you do, so my kids are used to it. But if my occasionally my occasionally visiting guest is cold, I turn up the heat. I sure as hell wouldn't be mad at them for using a spacer heater as a way to make them self comfortable. Different bodies are used to different climates. It's not like they're trying to run up your bill for the hell of it.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:27 AM FlagYou can't afford to keep living in this house. You need to sell it. That is no way to live.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:29 AM FlagI rarely heat my house. It doesn't bother me or effect my quality of life. It's a perfectly fine way to live, for me. OP may be the same, and if so no need to sell the house. She should, however recognize that not everyone is used to this and graciously accommodate her guests.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:42 AM Flag-
It's cheap to not accommodate guests. But if this temperature is comfortable to me, how is it cheap on a typical, non-guest day?
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:53 AM Flagnp: Your DH's kids are not guests, they are family. You are subjecting your CHILDREN to this as well. It's cheap and crazy. It may cost you an extra $500 per SEASON to keep your house at a comfortable temperature. I'm sure you can shave other parts of your budget to accomodate this.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:58 AM Flag
That's not what OP wrote. She mentioned they have trouble keeping the house warm ant that they are struggling financially. They can't afford to "jack up the heat" to a normal temperature because they can't afford it. They can't afford the money pit of a house they live in.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:55 AM Flag
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If I were their bio mom, I would call CPS on you. You sound crazy.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:31 AM FlagThis is extreme. I know a lot of people who barely run their heat, and are comfortable that way. It's not crazy to save the money if you're comfortable. It is ridiculous to expect that all your guests will feel the same, and rude not to accommodate them, but not crazy to accustom yourself to less heat. OP is an ass of she doesn't reasonably accommodate people. Not crazy. Rude.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:38 AM Flag
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63 - 64 is plenty warm - have them wear sweaters and take away the space heaters. Space heaters are very dangerous!!!
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 08:57 AM Flagyou sound like my great step grandmother who was raised in the dustbowl during depression
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:44 AM Flagask a firefighter about spaceheaters then - I would never have one in my home.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 09:45 AM Flag-
Do you read the paper or watch the news? Almost every fire this time of year is started by a space heater.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 10:48 AM Flagor a candle, or overtaxed outlets, or christmas lights. There are responsible ways and irresponsible ways to do everything. More people will die this year because of automotive accidents than most forms of cancer and all housefires, and yet every day we get into cars.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 11:07 AM Flag
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63-64 is totally fine to save a little $. We have no need to save and keep ours low. We do not mind, I would rather have a cozy sweater on than being ungodly hot with dry, gross heat. Your step kids need to get over it. I think some of these posters need to back off.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 10:58 AM FlagTotally agree. At our family thanksgiving this year I was actually boiling hot- the heat was blasting, plus all the cooking going on... I saw the thermostat and the indoor temperature was 80 DEGREES. (Set to 74, but with the stove heat, etc. the house was 80). We kept going outside to get fresh air!! The kids were running around in their undies after dinner. It was such a waste of energy (not to mention SOOO FREAKING HOT AND STUFFY)
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 12:02 PM Flag
Call Citgo. The Venezuelan oil company gives low-income or struggling people breaks on heating oil. Also, you can put plastic on the windows and hang blankets on the walls to help keeo the heat in.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 11:17 AM FlagTHIS. I live in the bottom floor and basement of a drafty triplex in Montreal (quite a bit colder here than in NYC!)DH and I are far from wealthy (hhi ~50K before huge taxes), so we do our best to keep it warm in here without jacking the heat up. We seal the windows with plastic (you can buy this at a hardware store), it is not difficult to do and keeps the heat inside. Other things that help are keeping the doors of unused rooms shut, and ESPECIALLY keeping the basement door shut. If cold floors are a problem, we have 2 options - slippers, or area rugs. I'd turn up the heat a bit when your stepkids come over - maybe to 67, but also employ ALL of these suggestions (buy nice slippers for them, seal their windows).
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 11:44 AM Flag
You guys do realize that 64 degrees is hardly "freezing", right? That is a pleasantly warm day in the spring. It's not exactly "living in the dustbowl during the great depression" as someone said. Don't you have DHs to cuddle up with at night for some heat? My lord. Kids don't die of expose in 64 DEGREE WEATHER.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 11:22 AM Flagnp: We keep the heat at 63-64 during the day/evening and overnnight, too. If one of us is cold we raise the heat to 65 for a bit or have a cup of tea or hot chocolate. We wear socks, slippers and sweaters or hoodies. This is normal. What's not normal is wearing no socks and short sleeves in the winter. That's just expensive and unnecessary.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 11:52 AM FlagAgreed. IMO, there isn't much worse than going to someone's house wearing corduroys, boots, and a nice wool sweater (because, um, it's January) and then being literally sweating as I'm in there and their heat is set to 74. And the hostess is wearing a skirt and a tank top or something. People forget how to live in different seasons, I think. This hostess would be the same woman who would wear flannel pajamas in the summertime because she cranks her AC to 70 degrees in July.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 12:00 PM Flag
[+] I am so pissed at my husband. He works with a major rock band and makes less than $4... 8 replies
- do you have dcs? what % do you contribute to hhi?...
Talk : : December 10, 2011
I am so pissed at my husband. He works with a major rock band and makes less than $40k per year. He has worked with them for years and they "value" him because he's in a unique position. Yes, one of NOT getting paid what he's worth. He gets a 2 percent raise when he gets a review, though he hasn't had a review in YEARS, his boss (not in the band) is a complete, short-sighted nut job and he's too meek to stand up for himself. He gets to travel, often in very high style, to every corner of the world and stay in first-class hotels, leaving me behind with our boring life. So this job has its ups (for him) while for me it does nothing to enhance our lifestyle. I'm so over it. He'll never make enough $ for us to live on with this situation, and I HAVE TO work for us to manage. What to do!? Ugh. Thanks, I needed to vent. I want to kill him for being such a wuss and his boss for being such a clueless idiot.
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.10.11, 01:15 PM Flag ]-
Listen to me now. My husband was one of the original people who worked for Virgin. He also was a band manager. Now he has no where to go to change jobs - he went into special events. Maybe find out if your dh can eventually transition into something else. I assume you are still young. Maybe he wants to do this for a few more years and then switch out. To the person mentioning 40K - think of it as almost savings. Most of these jobs pay for everything, special benefits and you don't pay for much of anything so in reality it's really much higher than 40K. Hard for a married person but easy to even save if you are single. Unfortunately this business doesn't seem to think anyone deserves a raise and people are still earning what they did 20 years ago because they are highly sought after - believe it or not UB.
[ Reply | More ]12.10.11, 01:42 PM FlagOP here. I'm sorry to say that we're both in our mid-40s and that while my husband works only part-time at this job, he indeed makes about $40k/year. He is employed by the band and reaps all the benefits (travel and experiences, equipment, health insurance, etc), but his job does very little to enhance our lives together. His stupid, useless boss hasn't shared details about profit-sharing in years, so he has no idea how much has been contributed. We live very simply but often I wish I'd married someone ambitious, with real fire in his belly. I'm getting very tired of dreaming of a vacation. Some day it'd be nice for us to actually take one, ya know? He does other work and earns $ there but what really and TRULY irks me is his inability, or lack of desire, to do anything about his poor treatment.
[ Reply | More ]12.10.11, 05:44 PM Flag
[+] I am really attracted to a woman who is much younger than I am. I've been out of the... 103 replies
- goes, it won't make sense for her to hook her net to your fading star. But stranger things have happened. Tell use what you think the signals are and we'll tell you if she's just being friendly. Also give us yours and her HHI and height, weight, fitness to see if you should take a chance on it....
Talk : : December 09, 2011
I am really attracted to a woman who is much younger than I am. I've been out of the dating scene for many years, so maybe I don't know how to read the signals, but I think she is interested. We are definitely friends, but I want to know if I have a chance with her. She is very attractive, and I am sure is not hard pressed for male attention. I'm crazy about her. What can I do? Is age really a big a deciding factor for women?
103 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.09.11, 01:41 PM Flag ]-
Here's the thing. We've gone out a bunch of times, but it's always casual friendly sort of "hanging out." It's never a proper date. I'm afraid that I'm in the friends territory, and there's no turning back.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 01:51 PM Flagok, then now is the time to bring out the "old man charm." Being old is obviously to your disadvantage in most areas, but there are some pros to being old, the main one of them being that you don't have to play the part of the angst-ridden twenty or thirty something who doesn't know how to get himself out of the "friend zone". Come on, this is where your generation should shine! Call her up on the phone and formally ask her on a date and then do it up right. Ask her to wear a nice dress, make a reservation at a nice place, pick her up at her door, bring her some flowers, use a car and driver, pull out her chair, order a nice bottle of wine. She'll either eat it up or she won't, but if you're going to do this, go for it!
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 01:58 PM Flagnp I am in my 30s, dating, and I would hate that. Really and truly. That would be too creepy, and it would serve to remind me of just how much older (and how DIFFERENT) the guy is. When I go out I want casual, relaxed dates, not planned formal occasions where I am told to wear a fancy dress. Don't do this OP. It will just remind her of how different you two are.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:04 PM FlagHonestly, though, all your response tells me is that you are not the kind of woman who would date a man 25 years older than you, and that's fine, but that means you wouldn't date OP no matter what he did. OP is trying to find out if his friend feels this way or if she is the type of woman who would go for an older man, and if she is, it has to be because she appreciates the differences, not because OP convinces her to pretend it's not there.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:07 PM FlagWell, I think it goes to the NP's point, that she'll either eat it up or not. If she doesn't, he knows. It's more of a test than an out-and-out wooing. He's wooing her now.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:10 PM Flagnp from above here again, and PLEASE, you are wrong. I don't age-discriminate when I date, and I would have no problem at all dating a man in his 50s, but I would have a problem dating a GRANDPA. He doesn't have to "test" her by acting old. Most women (especially young women) would find that sort of "date" incredibly creepy and awkward. And for the record, if a 35 year old did that, I would be turned off too.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:16 PM Flag
Hmmm. I disagree. Having read through the whole thread (yes, that's right, I have no life) it seems to me that OP is going for this whole youthful angle. He works out, he looks good, they have a lot of cultural things in common (I presume they like the same books/movies/etc). I don't think he should play up the creepy old man angle. My advice is to just work on the friendship, and the romance will come naturally (or not). But it's not a good idea to push it.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:26 PM FlagUh, yea, do this only if you never want to talk to her again.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 04:54 PM Flag
how much is much younger? It's not out of the question if you're George Cloony hot or fabulously wealthy. But as far as a long term relationship goes, it won't make sense for her to hook her net to your fading star. But stranger things have happened. Tell use what you think the signals are and we'll tell you if she's just being friendly. Also give us yours and her HHI and height, weight, fitness to see if you should take a chance on it.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 01:47 PM Flag22 years older. I am attractive and in very good shape, but not exceptionally attractive or exceptionally wealthy (although I am very comfortable). Signals, not sure. She spends a lot of time with me. When I email her, she responds right away. When I call her, she seems to drop whatever she is doing to talk. She tells me how great I am. But you have to understand that she is very nice and friendly, and maybe she's like this naturally, and with everybody.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 01:57 PM Flag-
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I don't know. the difference is more than 20 years. Do you have a lot of money?
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 01:52 PM FlagIf you are both divorced with children, then it is possible that she is interested. How do you socialize? Dinners out together, events with the kids, coffee, etc?
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 01:52 PM Flagnp: I would say if she is done having kids, you have a chance. Are you financially stable? That's appealing.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 01:53 PM Flag
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I'm a relative exception in that I'm married to a man 20 years older than me (we married at 31/51). I never viewed his age as an impediment to how I felt about him. so we are probably few and far between but we do exist!
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:03 PM Flagaren't you worried about when you are in your fifties and he is in his seventies? I'm not flaming you, I'm genuinely curious. I have a gorgeous friend who could have had her pick of men and she picked an average middle class joe over twenty years older than herself. They are really happy, but I always wonder if she worries about the inevitable?
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:09 PM Flagno - one can never be certain of course, but my DH was and still is very healthy - we're very conscious of taking care of ourselves, sometimes more so than guys closer to my age who (after getting married) have let themselves go and gain weight, drink to excess, never exercise, etc. I'm just as concerned with my DH as I would be with any guy who didn't take his health seriously.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:13 PM Flag
A couple of weeks ago I would have said you are crazy, but I have met FIVE women in their twenties married to or dating guys at least twenty years older them and they don't all have money! I think it is nuts because I wouldn't want to be caring for a grandpa while in my forties or fifties, but I guess it is working for quite a few people.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:05 PM Flag-
I think it's too late. Your relationship has already veered into the "just friends" territory, so it's going to be hugely risky to try to steer it to the romantic side. You risk losing a friend.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:08 PM Flagyou often do you work out? I'm trying to decide if you're a young enough 50-something to snag a 30-something.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:09 PM FlagI work out almost every day. I am in really good shape. Thin, have all my hair, no gut.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:22 PM Flagyou work out, you feel young, look good, you have a good friendship with this woman. I think you might be a silver fox...I think you have to ask her directly if she's ever thought about taking your friendship to the next level. Emphasize that the friendship is really important to you but you've been having thoughts of something more. Just talk about it.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:53 PM Flag
Is she divorced? She may legitimately want an older dude who has BTDT.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:10 PM FlagI am dating older men (5-10 yrs older, but I am already OLD myself) and can tell you that you MUST be fit, healthy, active and open-minded to appeal to such a younger woman. No woman wants to be a nurse as time passes, nor does she want to be a 'purse' so your financial independence/health is key as well.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:14 PM Flag-
No, I am not. This friendship is incredibly important to me. On the other hand, having her in my life makes it impossible for me to date anyone else.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:25 PM Flagnp: This is a difficult situation. You can't fight chemistry and in my many years of dating (I didn't get married until I was 40), I learned early on that friends are friends because one party does not feel the same romantic chemistry that the other party does. I think you need to move on to a woman who has romantic feelings toward you. Why didn't you make the move sooner? It's all too awkward now.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:36 PM Flag
I don't think this is a matter of age. You are friends. You are already in the friends territory. At this point, you just need to stay friends, spend time together, and see what happens. Maybe that moment will just come naturally. But definitely don't push it. FWIW, I'd give this same advice to a 35 yo.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:29 PM FlagITD! Stop torturing yourself, man up, and tell her how you feel. And, I'd also give that same advice to a 35 yo.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:32 PM Flag
I think friends can mature into more. Why not a date with light-hearted dancing, wine and fun, where maybe she will see you in a different light. I bet she already does but is feeling like you - pondering age difference, the possible risk of losing a friend and going so slow it's almost imperceptible.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 02:52 PM Flag-
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She works with my brother. I met her at a party at his house, almost a year ago. We hit it off right away. Exchanged emails and phone numbers. We have a lot in common. Started hanging out.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 03:09 PM FlagShe's probably attracted to you! Why have you waited so long to make a move?
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 03:24 PM FlagWe became friends. I kept thinking something would just happen, but it didn't. I wish I could figure out a way to kiss her.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 03:26 PM Flag
The answer here is exceedingly simple. You need to create to both get drunk together and see what happens.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 03:15 PM FlagNP:I am another person who apparently has no life and read this whole thing. How often - how many times a week - do you have dinner?
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 07:44 PM FlagHa. Me too. Do you see her whenever she doesn't have her kids? How old are your kids? I am divorced and think that two divorced parents (no matter age difference) who spend a lot of time together might be really great for each other. If she's a mom to young kids and spends her free time with you, I doubt she wants to date some young childless guy.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 08:21 AM Flag
[+] Question for DH's. Are very wealthy men (millionaires and up) always on high alert fo... 46 replies
- surprised about the fact when 'the subject came up'. But hey, no criticism from me, I think you are playing your cards right bc based on the above, maybe you have him fooled. GL! I have nothing against this. DH makes 20% of HHI and we are constantly struggling. I should have figured this out sooner...
Talk : : December 09, 2011
Question for DH's. Are very wealthy men (millionaires and up) always on high alert for greedy women who just want money? Or does it not cross your mind when dating? Do you think of how much a woman will "cost" you if you marry her? What are ways a woman could show a guy she doesn't care at all about the $$ and is truly looking for love? Been dating a guy who gets VERY defensive about this topic and I don't think I've done anything to cause it.
46 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.09.11, 11:14 AM Flag ]-
It came up because we were having lunch the other day and he told me that he liked me because I am different in that I don't seem to be after money and I seem to care about the right things, and he said that was hard to find in NYC. I asked if that had happened to him before, and he told me yes, and so he has a hard time trusting and prefers not to date too much now. It actually hadn't occurred to me that he even HAD that much money, because we've always done simple fun activities like grab drinks or go running. Did a little investigating and turns out he's very very wealthy. But now I'm a little paranoid about coming across like that's what I care about. IDK. I was raised very middle class and Im fine with that. The topic is new for me.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 11:20 AM FlagJust keep doing what you have been doing - low key stuff, offering to pay your share, etc. If he is really cheap, though, and not generous, that is not cool.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 11:25 AM FlagNo he is very sweet and always pays etc but I've dated broke artists too who have always paid...I was looking at it though like him being chivalrous and kind..not him being wealthy. I would prefer doing low key things with him because I consider that more fun and intimate than fancy dinners etc. My favorite date so far has been running by the East River and talking about funny moments from childhood
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 11:29 AM Flag-
He's an a-hole. Run. He doesn't trust women, inherently. He is grooming you and preemptively scaring you out of asking him for or expecting ANYTHING. If he were actually just smarting from being used before, he would never tell you that. He would just be grateful to have met you and wait to see what happens.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 08:00 PM Flag
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Pls read above...I'm the complete opposite. I didn't even know he had $$ til I looked because he brought it up. I met him at the gym...we're always in sweaty workout clothes...we've gone running together...grabbed coffee....gotten Sat night drinks...he has been to my place and we baked cookies etc....
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 11:22 AM FlagOh please. you can tell if I guy has $ or not. Just from superficial things. And clearly you knew about it or else you would have been surprised about the fact when 'the subject came up'. But hey, no criticism from me, I think you are playing your cards right bc based on the above, maybe you have him fooled. GL! I have nothing against this. DH makes 20% of HHI and we are constantly struggling. I should have figured this out sooner
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 11:24 AM FlagI was surprised when it came up...it was a total non sequiter and I was completely caught off guard. I truly didnt know. I mean, yah I knew he had a job and pays rent, etc, but he is always t-shirt and jeans and sneakers kind of guy, all our activities have been really simple, and we don't talk about money or salary yet etc. I'm not saying I mind now that I know! I'm just saying I now know, and I can see it's a sensitive subject for him so I want him to feel comfortable
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 11:32 AM Flaglittle bitter about our lot in life, are we? you sound like a nasty twatwaffle
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 11:40 AM Flag-
Be careful if past events are coloring his view of you, though. A bad experience can linger, but an adult knows they need to suck it up and avoid projecting the faults of old lovers onto
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 11:56 AM FlagThe ones I know are on high alert. They say they'll never get married. Some of been married once (before they made their money) and some have never been married. "I will never get married (again)" is their mantra.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 11:57 AM FlagHmmm...interesting. He hasn't said any of those things to me but the first time I saw a glimpse of it was the other day when he talked. I'm glad it was in a positive way, as in he was telling me I'm different, but still I wonder if he has leftover bad feelings from previous experience like the poster above said
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 11:59 AM Flag
I used to worry I was only looking for wealthy men. Dated a few millionaires I enjoyed being with. One never spent a dime on me. The other I had no feelings for and ended things before they really fell for me. Then I met one I really liked...it didn't work out. Money was never an issue.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 12:41 PM Flag-
Yeah. Once I got my life together I was only dating millionaires. It was really weird. It wasn't what I was looking for, and I wasn't at the fancy clubs acting like a hoochie. I met them all in low key settings. They loved my personality, my ability to be low key, and my ability to be sexy and feminine.
[ Reply | More ]12.11.11, 07:52 AM Flag
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How much is very very wealthy? What kind of data did your research reveal? Inherited? Trying to live vicariously.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 05:59 PM FlagI am on the other end of this. Wealthy woman who is always careful about greedy men, but more likely to find men that can't handle the disparity in income and run away. Sigh.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 06:03 PM Flaginteresting...do you ever hold off on telling them like this guy did with me, just to see if what you guys have is real, or so they wont be scared off? would you sign a pre-nup if you do get married?
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 06:05 PM FlagYES. I have to reveal my situation very slowly and carefully, only after I trust them and know more about what their intentions are. would definitely need a pre-nup if I marry.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 06:07 PM FlagOP ok..that makes sense. id do the same if i were in your position. so in your opinion, is this guy revealing his situation slowly to me in order to build up the trust first? to see what my intentions are?
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 06:19 PM Flagi'm sure he is. seeing how you handle it. how "needy" you might be. sounds like you're doing just fine... keep suggesting things that are just fun/interesting rather than expensive. is the relationship not moving quickly enough for you, or are you content?
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 06:21 PM FlagWell I really am starting to care about him and it's not that I need the speed of anything to increase, I'm ok with him opening up at whatever pace he is comfortable, the only thing that I'm a little sad by is that he seems so slow to trust me. I guess I'm used to being trusted right away and Im a trusting person so I usually return that. I had no indication that he even did trust me yet until the other day when he said the thing about me being different from everyone else he knows and that he enjoys that. That was my first sign that he was starting to trust. Before I couldn't pinpoint what felt off, but when he said that, it felt so GOOD to hear that I realized what ws off before, was that I didn't feel 100% trusted even though I'm 100% trustworthy
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 06:26 PM Flagsounds good, just keep letting him set the pace, as he may have been burned in the past. he may be concerned that there's a lurking need or intention that will crop up after you get to know one another, so just keep your cool and don't put pressure on him. you sound like you have a great time together -- that's what's important. good luck.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 06:29 PM Flag
I'm DH, but not very wealthy or dating. If a guy is very wealthy, powerful, famous or handsome, it does raise questions about the other's motivations. Reality is that these attributes make one more attractive. That might be OK up to a point. But guy is right to have his eyes open. That said, it sounds like you are on the right track with him. So, I wouldn't worry too much.
[ Reply | More ]12.10.11, 12:23 AM Flag
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[+] DH and I make $300K. How much should we be putting away in our 401Ks? I never paid ... 11 replies
- Same HHI and we max it out...
Talk : : December 09, 2011
DH and I make $300K. How much should we be putting away in our 401Ks? I never paid much attention but now that I have had a DB I am more concerned about planning for the future. I have about $75K in my 401K right now, not sure about DH
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.09.11, 10:18 AM Flag ]How old are you? With that income, you should each be maxing out your 401(k)s ($16,500 for 2011, going up to $17k for 2012).
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 10:21 AM Flag-
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I was maxing out my 401k when I earned $90k and had $200K in student loans. You need to make retirement savings a priority. The plus is it isn't taken into account in the financial aid determination for DC's college, so don't save for college unless you fully fund your tax-advantaged retirement vehicles ($16,500 to 401K and $5000 to IRA). Only then would I suggest contributing $5,000 (and getting the tax deduction for it) to a 529 Plan.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 10:41 AM Flag
[+] A $300K mortgage on an income of $220K? Student loans of $220K, no other debt. 12 replies
- It's about 27% of our net HHI, so that seems fine....
Talk : : December 09, 2011
A $300K mortgage on an income of $220K? Student loans of $220K, no other debt.
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.09.11, 10:12 AM Flag ]
[+] How did you decide when to start you dc in preschool? Dd is 16 mos and many preschoo... 1 reply
Talk : : December 09, 2011
How did you decide when to start you dc in preschool? Dd is 16 mos and many preschools in our area have toddler programs beginning at 18 mos or so and certainly 2s programs. Instead of all the gym, music, etc. classes I have been doing w dd I'm wondering if I should look into preschool/separation programs in 2012. Thoughts? FWIW I am a SAHM but would like to make more time for myself, specifically to take in contract work for income to help contribute to HHI, but not at the expense of dd if she's really not ready. TIA
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | More12.09.11, 09:45 AM Flag ]DS is 16mo. I will put him in a 2s "playgroup" (2x/wk, 1.5hrs) starting Sept 2012, ie when he's 2.1. It will help with separation and socialization I think since he won't start real preschool until 3.1. I WOHM so will be paying for this beyond the cost of a nanny who we'll also still have to pay for those hours, but think it will be good for DS. Before that, I'm just sticking with the 45min classes. His attention span is nowhere near able to hold for much longer than a 45 min class at this point. Hopefully it lengthens next year! Your DD may be different.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 11:05 AM Flag
[+] As women, why do we choose to marry? It works and is even wonderful for some, but for... 23 replies
- no one loves our kids or cares about the stupid little things they do more than their dad, and our kids adore their dad, even if he only earns 1/3 of the hhi or does 1/5 of the childcare and 1/10 of the housework....
Talk : : December 08, 2011
As women, why do we choose to marry? It works and is even wonderful for some, but for so many it's like signing up for indentured servitude even in the 21st century. Most of us work outside of the home and then we come home to kids, housework, and whiny husbands. Those women whose husbands simply do their fair share, act as though they've won the matrimonial lottery. Marriage sucks for women. Why do we continue to do it?
23 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.08.11, 05:43 PM Flag ]companionship. To not be alone. Love. Because it's what we're 'supposed' to do.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 05:47 PM FlagOP: to not be alone? Most of us are alone when they go hang out with their friends or at the office. Companionship? Most women in marriages today report feeling depressed and misunderstood. What we're supposed to do? Right up until 40 years ago, perhaps. Now we make more and the larger part of the responsibility for the kids is on us anyway married or single, so why bother?
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 05:53 PM Flag
http://trueslant.com/jendoll/2010/01/21/report-marriage-sucks-for-women/----just one article that mirrors my opinion. And the number of women just on this board that talk about how they make more than their husbands, unhappy, unloved...women don't need marriage anymore(not even financially) and unless it's a darn good fit, it's not even advantageous for us.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 05:50 PM FlagWhat about the joy of having kids? I don't think it would be the same on your own
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 06:08 PM FlagWife says, "Honey, guess what Junior did today?!" "Huh"(husband looks up from tv) Wife: "Well..." by this point the husband's attention is already back on said TV. "oh great, that's wonderful", husband says with a distracted tone as he scans the football game on TV for his favorite coach.Fifteen minutes later: "Oh hey, baby can you bring me some snacks out of the kitchen? Thanks" husband turns back to game.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 06:15 PM FlagThen you have my DH: we are both getting ready for work when we hear my 6 year old throwing up. He takes off his good shirt, reaches into his pocket, fishes out a Starbucks card, gives it to me and says "have a latte for me..." 9 hours later I come home to a washing machine and dryer running, and he is about to take our kid to the ER. (he was ok). Not all men suck you know.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 06:42 PM Flag
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But if you make more money than they do (which is statistically a common occurrence these days)? Or in this economy, if you make the money and the make none? In terms of emotional security, most people have friends that they've known longer than the mates they've married.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 06:27 PM FlagHa! I wouldn't want to be married to my friends either. In all seriousness, there are many women who could not afford the lifestyle they have without their husband's salary. Or in other situations they don't want to work. Or they look at it in very long-terms -- i.e. retirement, investment savings and equity in house(s), possessions. It's horrible to say it, but the other reason my mother stays married to my father is because she will lose major $ if they split now. She is on the 'I hope he dies first' plan.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 06:34 PM Flag
no one loves our kids or cares about the stupid little things they do more than their dad, and our kids adore their dad, even if he only earns 1/3 of the hhi or does 1/5 of the childcare and 1/10 of the housework.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 06:31 PM Flag-
I love my husband and he's great and supportive -- and he helps my career and helps me make better choices. The real problem is all the women who put up with the whiney husbands, IMO. I suspect a lot of those DHs (especially on UB) are guys who earn a lot of money and think they can get away with being a spoiled man-child when they're at home.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 06:41 PM FlagThere are pluses and minuses in everything we do. I don't believe marriage is for everyone and neither is motherhood. I love being married, but that doesn't mean I don't have to make tough decisions sometimes. I'd have to make tough decisions if I was on my own as well.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 06:47 PM FlagI understand what you are saying. My father was an emotnal, physical and financial liability for my mother. I was very scared to get married and have the same thing happen to me. But my DH is great. I love to hang out with him and he cares about me, is a hard worker and very giving in all ways.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 08:35 PM Flag
[+] Spinoff the post about DH cancelling on play, how many of you think its ok for DH (or... 10 replies
- That post made me so sad. We have an HHI of 500k (each earning 250k), which is plenty for us. Neither of us would EVER let work dictate our personal lives like this....
Talk : : December 08, 2011
Spinoff the post about DH cancelling on play, how many of you think its ok for DH (or DW for that matter), to cancel personal plans for work related socializing? How often? What about weekends? And do you think your spouse, no matter what their job, also signed up for another job of co-parent? It's a FT job as well (I don't mean care-giving, I mean parenting... so I don't want this to become a WOH/SAH debate), being there for some school events, being consistent and following through on some promises to be there and making/taking calls to/from teachers/doctors regarding DC.
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.08.11, 03:45 PM Flag ]My folks thought that work comes first. Always. I know that they loved me and did it because of insecurity but I understand the mentality. I am in between. I have done work stuff on my anniversary (was out of town for my first one but I couldn't reschedule a 200 person meeting and I thought it was critical to be there) but if it is a work/social event (like a dinner with a client) and I have personal plans already, I say I'm busy.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 04:25 PM Flagfamily always takes precedence for us, dh makes $1M and I'm a student. He doesn't go to dinners if we have family events.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 04:36 PM FlagMy DH has cancelled on me maybe once or twice ever (and recently, it was on my birthday) but it's very rare. Look, I get that sometimes work does come first. But I used to date a guy who was always canceling for work things (he was in medicine) and I actually think some of it is about the individual person. Some people just can't say no at work. They just won't do it. And that's a very difficult trait to change in somebody. I don't think it's a very admirable trait, but there it is. Work commitments once or twice a year is one thing. If somebody's doing it once or twice a month (or more), my guess is that it's in their personality, not in their job description.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 04:39 PM Flag
[+] Anyone with HH income over $500k going public? Just curious if all of those who have... 45 replies
- "if they chose to" comes into play. With a HHI of $500k they could buy/rent something smaller and...as you'd think. and even in nyc, $500K HHI is still very high....
- apartment in PS29. We work like maniacs for HHI of 700-800K and don't want to do...
- We went public. District 3, HHI 500-600k. Liked our public options and wanted to...and you have saved $360K after taxes. My HHI is >$1M....
Talk : : December 08, 2011
Anyone with HH income over $500k going public? Just curious if all of those who have enough $$ automatically go private, or whether there are some who really believe in public and will choose accordingly even if the $ is there. We are in the latter category and I just want to figure out whether we're alone in this sentiment, or whether there are others who feel that they don't want to allocate the $$ towards privates when there are good public options, even though they can afford the privates.
45 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.08.11, 12:44 PM Flag ]we do. got into a citywide (which somehow makes it acceptable to certain people) but we would have sent to gen ed if ds didn't get in.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 12:45 PM FlagOP here- thanks. Anyone in district 3? Maybe the 'going private' thing if affordbale is an UWS phenomenon?
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 12:48 PM Flaggiven the real estate prices on the UWS I think most families or 1 or 2 kids could afford private if they chose to. many of the gen eds are well regarded so people save the money.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 12:49 PM FlagOK thanks- good to know. We are far upper west and maybe it's a bit diff. here, but given the strong general eds further south, it makes a lot of sense that people would save the $ and go public. However... I am confused by your comment "given the real estate prices on the UWS"- do you think the UWS is well priced so people have extra income to allocate to private? Or that it's an expensive area so naturally most fams have incomes which could pay for privates as well?
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 12:52 PM FlagNot necessarily. Just bought a 1.2 mil apt and there isn't enough left over.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 01:18 PM Flag
np - I live on the UUWS with older kids. Our catchment school is 145 and I don't know any kids in my neighborhood going there. But I'd say around half the kids have gone public and half to private. The public schools include Manhattan School of Children, PS 75, Hunter, Anderson, 166 G&T, 163 G&T, 9 (when it had a G&T)...
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 01:24 PM Flag
I went to private, public and parochials school growing up and I was bullied the most at private -- a really nasty social atmosphere. So that's what steers me away from private. I never want my kid coming home crying because some girl told her that her coat wasn't a real Burberrys or something. I think that atmosphere can do more damage than the perhaps slightly better academics can do good.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 12:58 PM FlagI'm sure over half the parents at my child's public make that much and they didn't even consider private. It really depends on your public school choices.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 01:19 PM Flag-
There is no public school out there where over half the parents make over half a million $/year. you are delusional.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 01:21 PM Flag234 draws from tribeca, the poor people in tribeca are renting $5500 2 bedrooms.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 01:30 PM Flagthe poor people in tribeca are living in rent controlled and rent stabilized apts, in walk ups and in very small spaces.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 02:07 PM FlagThe buildings in Tribeca were NOT residential during the rent control period (pre-1972).
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 04:56 PM Flagthis, there are very few traditional apt buildings and the people with kids tend to live in the lofts or fancy condos. there are some more middle class artists that came to the neighborhood before it was so outrageously expensive, but they don't really have elementary school aged kids.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 06:30 PM Flag
do you have any idea how much money $500,000/year is? no way.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 01:23 PM Flag500K is a pretty standard minimum for Tribeca. You can't buy these 2MM+ lofts with less.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 01:26 PM Flagnp: but you do realize that there is housing OTHER than those lofts and those kids go to school there too. i have a lot of friends w kids in 234 who are not only NOT making $500K+ but who are living in 4th floor walk ups in order to that. I also know families who bought their apts when they didn't cost that much money or who had a fwe good years and plunked down that kind of money on an apt and now don't make that much. i'm not saying that there isn't a lot of money in tribeca and in public schools, but it's not as much as you'd think. and even in nyc, $500K HHI is still very high.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 02:06 PM Flagita. we go to 234. most kids are beyond wealthy with a sprinkle of middle class
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 06:30 PM Flag
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We would if we could find a decent-sized apartment in PS29. We work like maniacs for HHI of 700-800K and don't want to do it forever, private tuition for 2 kids is $75K in after-tax income...not sure it makes sense for us even if we can afford it based on current circumstances.
[ Reply | More ]12.08.11, 04:47 PM FlagI have two in private and one in public G&T in district 3. I originally only considered private. After sending my youngest to G&T I am hoping to get my older two out of private and into public g&t programs. Private is excellent for music, art, theater, etc with less hard academics. Public is the reverse. It is easier to supplement art, theater and music than the reverse in my opinion and far less expensive. My recommendation is do public until high school and then if you feel strongly about private go for high school and you have saved $360K after taxes. My HHI is >$1M.
[ Reply | More ]12.09.11, 01:27 PM Flag
[+] What's a respectable hhi amount to folks on this board? 6 replies
- Does not compute. Any HHI is respectable if all adults are working (unless caring for children) -- or rich enough not to need any earned income....
Talk : : December 07, 2011
[+] If the 1% want the vast majority of the wealth then they should pay the vast majority... 19 replies
- I have a propsal for you. You live for 3 months on a HHI right below the cut off for paying no federal taxes and then live for another 3 months at the same income but with the amount you think is 'fair' that a person at that HHI should pay in taxes taken out of your paycheck. Then come back and tell me if you still think those people should be required to, or...
Talk : : December 07, 2011
If the 1% want the vast majority of the wealth then they should pay the vast majority of the taxes. It's simple.
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | More12.07.11, 04:57 PM Flag ]They pay over 70% of federal taxes--which is the "majority".
[ Reply | More ]12.07.11, 04:59 PM FlagForty-eight percent of Americans don't pay any taxes at all.
[ Reply | More ]12.07.11, 05:19 PM FlagAre we having a "how many times in one day can we repeat the same false statement" contest on UB?
[ Reply | More ]12.07.11, 05:21 PM FlagDo you think wealth is infinite? It seemed so just a short time ago. But now we know that it's not. In the past decades that finite wealth has been transferred from the middle class to the richest 1% of Americans. Should the federal govenment get less tax revenue from the same amount of money that's out there? That doesn't make much sense. If the rich want the majority of American wealth they should have to pay taxes on that wealth so the gov't doesn't lose revenue. And you should be more humane and realize that people who are too poor to pay taxes are are really not doing well.
[ Reply | More ]12.07.11, 05:41 PM FlagI have a propsal for you. You live for 3 months on a HHI right below the cut off for paying no federal taxes and then live for another 3 months at the same income but with the amount you think is 'fair' that a person at that HHI should pay in taxes taken out of your paycheck. Then come back and tell me if you still think those people should be required to, or would be able to, pay federal taxes.
[ Reply | More ]12.07.11, 05:45 PM Flag
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