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Highlights from the boards for the week of Nov 17th – Nov 23rd: Want Refund from My Sister Who is Divorcing After Short Marriage… (65 Replies) My sister is getting divorced and she’s been married for 13 months. She stated that she ... More »
  • [-]I see that some parents want DC to play a sport to show colleges that they are well rounded. Didn't work out that way for my friend. Friend's DC so loved playing his sport that he wanted to enroll at a less good university so that he could be on the team there. Good for him.

    16 replies [ Reply | Watch | More
    11.06.11, 03:55 PM Flag ]
    • that's always the tradeoff. would hate to have my dc choose a college based on sports and not academics

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      11.06.11, 03:56 PM Flag
      • I would encourage my DC's to go to UVA over Harvard or yale because they will end up having a better time and have the freedom to explore what roads they want to take and be around normal people.

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        11.06.11, 04:02 PM Flag
        • playing a sport at UVA is like having a full time job, year-round. not much time to explore roads, but whatever.

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          11.06.11, 04:05 PM Flag
          • I played lacrosse there and was in a sorority and explored some different major options.

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            11.06.11, 04:07 PM Flag
            • okey doke

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              11.06.11, 04:07 PM Flag
            • and I loved every second of it. Its not a full time job.

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              11.06.11, 04:08 PM Flag
    • It was probably a better university for sports. I wouldn't go to MIT for the football or Texas Tech for the astrophysics department. but if I wanted to play football, I'd be applying to Texas Tech, or Oklahoma, or THE....Ohio State University.

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      11.06.11, 04:08 PM Flag
      • hahahaha

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        11.06.11, 04:10 PM Flag
      • OP: No, the opposite. If you want to play a sport, then your chance of making the team is much better at a division II or III school.

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        11.06.11, 04:24 PM Flag
        • your friend's dc is obviously not all that good, but at least he enjoys the sport.

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          11.06.11, 05:07 PM Flag
        • you missed the point, or you ddidn't express your point very well in your op. i thought you were saying that the kid wanted a good team to play on because that's what he wanted to 'study.' If it's not a career move, then the kid should go to the better school for academics.

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          11.06.11, 06:13 PM Flag
    • I would only allow this if he were on a scholarship and if money were an issue.

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      11.06.11, 04:19 PM Flag
      • NP: "allow" the kid to choose his own college, you mean? Not sure why parents think they get to have the final say in university choice.

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        11.06.11, 06:32 PM Flag
        • np: oh, many do, as they are paying for it and feel compelled to drive the choice.

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          11.06.11, 06:33 PM Flag
        • OR: If I am paying and without a full scholarship that also provides a stipend I am sure I will be paying then I have a say. When DC is independent then and only then do I have no say.

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          11.06.11, 07:27 PM Flag
    • daughter fenced at NYU-great experience as they sent her to the Junior Olympics in california, spain,palm springs etc etc. long training season...need to be highly organized.

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      11.06.11, 05:46 PM Flag
  • [-]Where do teenagers hang out in NYC??? I'm trying to get my 16yo daughter away from Union Square where her ex-boyfriend hangs out ALL day and night. She claims that there isn't anywhere else to be in NYC. We live and send her to school in Brooklyn and I'm entirely TOO old to know where to go nowadays.

    83 replies [ Reply | Watch | More
    10.23.09, 12:20 PM Flag ]
    • That is the problem , there isn't really anywhere for them to go.

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      10.23.09, 12:23 PM Flag
      • OP: Aren't there other hang out spots besides Union Square?

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        10.23.09, 12:26 PM Flag
        • They hang out in the park getting up to no good. I have started giving my teen plus 1 tickets to movies at the weekend, just to give the something to do that does not involve drinking or getting high. I also got membership to ymca, so they go to open court basketball.

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          10.23.09, 12:43 PM Flag
          • yeah, they will find the meadow though.

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            10.23.09, 12:45 PM Flag
            • Too cold soon! Then they hang out on street corners, or at my house, eating all my food.

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              10.23.09, 12:53 PM Flag
              • OP: Open court basketball? Not a bad idea. Do girls linger around watching the boys? I think my daughter could like that.

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                10.23.09, 12:58 PM Flag
                • That's sad. Girls should be playing basketball--not watching boys play it. (np)

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                  10.23.09, 03:05 PM Flag
    • I don't think you can make your teenager hang out somewhere else. She'll figure it all out. Wherever her buddies hang out that's where she is going to hang out.

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      10.23.09, 12:27 PM Flag
      • OP: She asked me to help her find other places in NYC. She doesn't know people outside of her school and she wants to meet new people.

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        10.23.09, 12:31 PM Flag
        • What about interschool or after school activities. Does her school participate in interschool? If not you could call and ask.

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          10.23.09, 12:32 PM Flag
          • I already checked. Her school and the area schools don't offer anything like that. Everything pretty much ends Friday at 3pm.

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            10.23.09, 12:37 PM Flag
            • Ok so her school is not connected to Interschool then. I suggest ballet, theater classes, film classes, classes at NYU for teens. Those are going to be filled with kids who she may not be meeting in your area

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              10.23.09, 12:39 PM Flag
    • We went downtown to bars, some people to clubs, we had a lot of house parties

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      10.23.09, 12:27 PM Flag
    • I remember hanging out on the steps of the Met, a couple of coffee shops, Dorrians, the pizza place, people's apartments, astor place, washington sq park and eventually some clubs (Palladium, Nells).

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      10.23.09, 12:30 PM Flag
      • Did we all live the same life? I guess we did. Though I never did the Met steps not after jennifer levin

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        10.23.09, 12:31 PM Flag
        • who is j levin?

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          10.24.09, 07:23 PM Flag
        • Really? That's weird. It's not like she was accosted by a stranger.

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          10.24.09, 08:16 PM Flag
      • Do teens hang out at night on the steps of the met?

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        10.23.09, 12:32 PM Flag
        • Not sure that they still do we did. Piece of advice don't send her there we didn't get up to too much good.

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          10.23.09, 12:33 PM Flag
        • they did on fridays in the 80s!

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          10.23.09, 12:34 PM Flag
      • I did a variation of this too. Loved Nell's and MK. We went to dinner a lot, to people's houses, to bars, and to clubs.

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        10.23.09, 02:29 PM Flag
        • omg flashback! Used to go to MK's and even dated the bartender there. Those were the fun days :)

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          10.23.09, 05:00 PM Flag
    • thats the problem with this two bit town. nowhere to hang out.

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      10.23.09, 12:32 PM Flag
      • riiight and you are from....

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        10.23.09, 12:33 PM Flag
        • some place that can recognize a joke

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          10.23.09, 12:36 PM Flag
          • ah, I love that place. sorry.

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            10.23.09, 12:50 PM Flag
          • But for teens, it is true....

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            10.23.09, 12:51 PM Flag
    • She needs to stop dating skaters. Kids hang out in apartments, central park, starbucks. I love (meaning hate) hte poster who siad she went downtown to bars, clubs and house parties. yes, every night she did that, right.

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      10.23.09, 12:34 PM Flag
      • I am that poster, where did I say every night? That is what we did on weekends what exactly is your problem

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        10.23.09, 12:37 PM Flag
    • OP: She's going out tonight with a girlfriend and she wants to find an area where other teenagers will be so that she can see/meet/flirt with new boys. Anything? The most promising advice I got from this post so far: Astor Place, Wash. Sq., Met stairs. Anything else?

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      10.23.09, 12:43 PM Flag
      • Seriously, we went to a lot of bars that friends went to that served underage and clubs (when those were big don't know about now). Can you look in nymag.com under the entertainment section? Sorry! My dcs are 10 and 7

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        10.23.09, 12:48 PM Flag
        • OP: I looked. I'm not looking for an event, though. My daughter specifically did not want musical venues - punk, noise, or otherwise.

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          10.23.09, 12:52 PM Flag
          • Tell her to go to the east village and wander around until she finds a bar that serves and hang out. Or NYU area where they tag underage but allow them in

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            10.23.09, 12:53 PM Flag
            • OP: I can't openly condone my 16yo hanging out in a bar. And I don't really want her to either. I want her to meet her peer group, not people who can get into bars. That's why I'm looking for teen spots, like Union Square, but elsewhere.

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              10.23.09, 12:57 PM Flag
              • I understand that but this is a difficult scenario. She wants to go out at night she wants to meet other 16 yo who are out in manhattan at night and what do you think 16 yos out in manhattan at night together are doing? Not being snarky I lived that life and I was a 'good girl'. There aren't any teen centers or no alcohol bar hangouts here

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                10.23.09, 01:00 PM Flag
                • OP: Now you see my problem. I don't want the answer to be that Union Square is a unique phenomenon in all of NYC. Because her ex-boyfriend "owns" the area and harasses her whenever she tries to hang out there.

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                  10.23.09, 01:10 PM Flag
                  • is Crush still open? Do a search on NYmag for teen clubs that do not serve alcohol

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                    10.23.09, 01:16 PM Flag
          • Cafes, get a job busing tables, bowling alleys....

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            10.23.09, 12:55 PM Flag
      • I think the area around NYU is appealing to teens bc of so many college students.

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        10.23.09, 12:49 PM Flag
        • She should check out the Chelsea Market. Don't know if the teens hang there, but it would be a good place for them.

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          10.23.09, 12:58 PM Flag
      • Why would a bunch of old ladies on UB have better info on where teens hang out thatn your daughter does? that's weird!

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        10.23.09, 01:02 PM Flag
        • OP: It's not weird at all. We live in Brooklyn. When my daughter goes to Manhattan, it's just to Union Square. She has a very limited social crowd. I thought maybe you old ladies had teens, knew them, or saw them hanging out in your neighborhood in the evenings, on date night, or whatever.

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          10.23.09, 01:05 PM Flag
          • I don't think I really know where my teens are. I mean I am told they are here and there but thats what I told my parents. "Going to a move" and went to corner bistro for beer, Amsterdam for billiards to smoke.

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            10.23.09, 01:08 PM Flag
    • she's old enough to get a part-time job. most everybody i knew in high school had some sort of job by senior year. even dh, with his fancy pants private school and wealthy neighborhood, was scooping ice cream at baskin robbins as soon as he was legal to work. a productive way channel all that teen down time and need for semi-independence.

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      10.23.09, 01:19 PM Flag
      • lots of well off families do not want their kids working, as they want them focusing on school, extra curric's, sports, socializing and not getting over-tired. My dad wouldn't let me have a job in college because he wanted all my focus on school-

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        10.23.09, 01:30 PM Flag
        • If this kid has enough time to commute between Union Square and Brooklyn just to hang out with other teens, she's got too much downtime on her hands.

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          10.23.09, 07:53 PM Flag
      • In this economy she'd be competing with HYP MBAs to get that job at B&R

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        10.24.09, 04:57 AM Flag
      • np Dunno about NYC but in a lot of other North American cities, the part-time, minimum wage jobs that used to go to teens (I had several myself) are now taken by immigrants who have a lot more invested in keeping the job so they are more attractive to employers.

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        10.24.09, 09:56 AM Flag
    • when we finally decided to bite the bullet and move to the burbs, the one thing I did feel *sad* about was that when dc was a teen he wouldn't have as much to do as he would in the city....and then I sort of suspected that he'd say he was "bored" even if we were in the city. I want to thank all the responders with teens who have confirmed my suspicion!!!

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      10.23.09, 01:37 PM Flag
      • NP: FWIW it doesn't sound like any of the responders have teens in Manhattan...

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        10.23.09, 02:33 PM Flag
        • well a few seem to....my point is the teens are doing the same things teens do in the burbs: movies, starbucks, pizza etc. It doesn't sound like they are taking advantage of broadway shows and museums

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          10.23.09, 05:21 PM Flag
          • Some definitely do museums. Unfortunately Bway shows are too expensive these days but they do go sometimes. Many go to Shakespeare in the Park of course. And many go to various concerts, whether free and open or at clubs (if of age), around town - jazz and classical as well as rock.

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            10.23.09, 05:39 PM Flag
      • I think it's the opposite. Bored bored suburbs

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        10.24.09, 08:21 AM Flag
    • Are there still laser shows at the Museum of Natural History? I remember doing that, movies, diners, walking around, Washington Square Park, swing dancing for a while when that was cool, playing pool, Urban Outfitters, music stores like Tower and HMV. Don't know what's around nowadays.

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      10.23.09, 02:07 PM Flag
    • My niece is at a tt school and hangs out at clubs, bars, friend's houses, and expensive restaurants for dinners with her friends! (Her friends' drivers take them around town!)

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      10.23.09, 02:48 PM Flag
    • She might like Etsy's craft night. It happens every Monday at their warehouse down in DUMBO. http://www.etsy.com/storque/events/

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      10.23.09, 03:21 PM Flag
    • a lot of teenagers hang out the Upright Citizens Brigade theater- it's a comedy club in Chelsea. It's inexpensive and all ages.

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      10.23.09, 03:55 PM Flag
    • St Marks

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      10.23.09, 04:51 PM Flag
    • Check out the free teen nights at MOMA - 4- 8pm on select Friday nights. Pizza, movies and art. It looks great.

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      10.23.09, 04:55 PM Flag
    • What about billiards hall or bowling... seems age appropriate

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      10.23.09, 05:56 PM Flag
    • I think it is definitely easier for boys, who will just play pick-up basketball (even at night), soccer, etc. My 15 y/o DD goes to friends houses constantly, to the movies, out to eat (nowhere expensive, she pays with her $$). I would say she and her friends spend the majority of their time at each others houses. On the weekends, they walk around in soho, or play tennis or whatever. Nights are kind of tough.

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      10.23.09, 06:14 PM Flag
    • Too long a post so not sure if this was covered- but you do realize Union Square is the place a lot of folks go to buy pot, who knows what else..

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      10.23.09, 07:31 PM Flag
    • my cousin who is an aspiring art student used to hang out at galleries downtown w her art friends when she was in HS - free wine and no one was carding! at least it was some culture too!

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      10.23.09, 07:33 PM Flag
    • She is manipulating you. If my daughter were dating a loser and loitering in parks getting high, the place I'd find for her to hang out is HOME. But I don't have a teenager so I can imagine this would be tough!

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      10.23.09, 07:44 PM Flag
    • What about Washington Square Park? She can meet some NYU freshmen, only a year or two older than her. And she can't get into much trouble there (as we could in my day), because cops are EVERYWHERE.

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      10.23.09, 08:14 PM Flag
      • You gotta be kidding!! I went to NYU and even then the only time I ever went into the park was to score weed. (That was then, this is now). Parks are for losers.

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        10.23.09, 08:16 PM Flag
        • There is no weed in Wash Sq. Anyone looking like they want to sell you weed is an undercover cop. Believe it.

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          10.23.09, 09:21 PM Flag
    • record stores. then she'll met wannabe emo hipsters in bands

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      10.23.09, 08:23 PM Flag
      • Only losers still BUY music.

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        10.23.09, 08:26 PM Flag
      • She could join a band and play music.

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        10.24.09, 08:02 AM Flag
    • This whole post makes me think that I'd better move to the suburbs before my kids hit high school! My HS experience included Friday night football games, gathering at the local restaurant after soccer or basketball games, pizza parties/sleepovers in friend's finished basements, pool parties, school dances, bowling, and an occasional movie. My mom always knew where I was, and most of the time a parent was home with us! I'm sure it was nerve wracking for my parents when I got my drivers license, but I just drove around town to friend's houses and restaurants.

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      10.23.09, 08:52 PM Flag
      • A lot of NYC HS kids do the same things as you did, or similar.

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        10.23.09, 11:31 PM Flag
        • other than the finished basements, city kids can do all these things.

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          10.25.09, 07:25 AM Flag
      • I posted above about our moving to the burbs and feeling bad about a lack of activities for dcs as teens...my burb experience was the same as yours growing up and I guess this is why I felt my kids would miss out if we left the city. I did all the NYC cultural stuff after I moved there as an adult. Like the poster above said, teens can't afford to take advantage of "all the city has to offer"....it's too expensive!

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        10.24.09, 08:56 AM Flag
        • That's a lie. It's not advertised, but most of the museums in NYC are suggested admission or free for NYC students. Half of the art galleries in Chelsea are free; you can just walk right into them without any raised eyebrows. Furthermore, any half-decent hipster bookstore has readings scheduled.

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          10.10.11, 07:54 PM Flag
      • Hahaha you think that's what kids are doing now? The kids in the suburbs are more messed up than the kids in the city.

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        10.10.11, 07:52 PM Flag
    • MY dh does special events. I know few times a year some hs students have parties at nightclubs that serve nothing but juice, water and soda. Usually the parents drop off and pick up their kids. They are fun.

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      10.24.09, 05:26 AM Flag
    • When I was in HS in nyc, we went to MOMA (free admission with school ID) after school to sit in the Spring Garden and do homework or just hang out until it was late enough Friday to go to dinner and then to the pool hall. We drank cappuccino at Chelsea Blliards (pre-starbucks era) or other pool halls in NYC (I knew a pool hall at every subway stop). The pool halls were filled with hs students on Friday and Saturday nights. Ate at Uno's in the village a lot and then walked around. If we needed another activity, we'd go to the planetarium for the laser show. House parties were for drinking, otherwise we were sober and just ate dinner out. We weren't really looking to meet kids from other schools though. BTW - this was all while I was l...

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      10.24.09, 11:51 AM Flag
      • living in Queens and commuting to HS in Manhattan. Most of us out on Friday night were schlepping bookbags with us.

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        10.24.09, 12:30 PM Flag
      • Yeah. You were at the planetarium, substance free. Right!

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        10.24.09, 08:18 PM Flag
        • Actually, I was substance free. You don't have to be high to watch a Depeche Mode laser show. I went to Stuyvesant and we thought drugs would ruin our brains. When we drank at house parties we said we were doing more damage to our livers than our brains!

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          10.25.09, 09:34 PM Flag
    • Honestly, what you describe your dd wants sounds more like what college or 20-somethings want - a place in "the city" to flirt with boys they don't know. Most teens I know hang with kids they know already, doing teen things.

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      10.24.09, 07:29 PM Flag
    • Okay, as a teen who joined this website for my tech-challenged mother, I can say with authority you are all way off target.

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      10.10.11, 07:56 PM Flag
  • [-]Can someone please explain why teenage girls feel the need to post really provocative photographs of themselves on the web or cell phones? I can't believe the pictures I found on my son's computer of girls from several well known private schools here in NYC. He doesn't know I have seen then, but I'm a pretty liberal person and I'm shocked. Friends tell me all the girls are doing it.

    42 replies [ Reply | Watch | More
    12.19.09, 03:26 PM Flag ]
    • Sadly, it has become a terrible trend. Socioeconomic status has nothing to do with it, either.

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      12.19.09, 03:28 PM Flag
    • they think the boys will like them if they do it, so they do it. just like at the clubs so many girls are making out with each other for male attention. they think more is more.

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      12.19.09, 03:30 PM Flag
      • The making out thing is really offensive. The girls have no minds of their own; not the kind of girl to take home to mother, but definitely the kind of girl a lot of boys will chat about

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        12.19.09, 03:31 PM Flag
        • they don't understand that momentary attention does not translate into a boyfriend and that not all attention is a positive. girls are often more worried about what boys thing of them than what they really think about the boys

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          12.19.09, 03:35 PM Flag
          • Young girls need to be empowered not to give into such attention seeking behaviours

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            12.19.09, 03:37 PM Flag
            • very true but it really takes someone sitting with them and helping them to think critically about why they are doing it, what they hope to gain and how they feel

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              12.19.09, 03:44 PM Flag
    • I wonder what the parents do, particularly the moms. While I know a lot of hings are out of mom's control, I am amazed at my 4 yo and how she mimics me. I wear little to no makeup, and spend little time getting dressed. And I;ve noticed that some of her little playmates are already into headbands, and hair and their moms have indulged them. I think our kids get oru values. If women think it takes 30 minutes of makeup to be presentable to the world, their little girls will also.

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      12.19.09, 03:50 PM Flag
      • haven't little girls always mimicked their mothers and played dress up. i don't see the connection between that and sending boys half nude pics.

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        12.19.09, 03:52 PM Flag
        • My point is, I do. My kid doesn't do "dress-up". I think the importance of appearance, and style, and looking provacative starts early.

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          12.19.09, 03:55 PM Flag
          • Have you notices (and I love them) the adult clothes jcrew kids sells for little kids. I think they are adorable.. but they are adult clothes. And they seem to be selling, right now, about 8 bikinis for 4 year olds, and 2 one pieces. I think most would argue, they are kids, they look cute ina bikini.. I just dont think its appropriate, partcicularly at 4.

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            12.19.09, 03:57 PM Flag
          • I would say there is a huge difference between putting effort into your appearance and looking provocative. I dressed up as a princess and ballerina regularly as a child, played with makeup, my mom wore makeup and I never had any inclination to be provocative at any age. Spending a lot of time getting dressed in normal clothes is not going to encourage a dd to be provocative or send nude pictures.

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            12.19.09, 03:59 PM Flag
          • unfortunately once they are teenagers it can be unpredictable: some girls emulate their mothers and others want to be the exact opposite to carve out their own identity.

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            12.19.09, 04:00 PM Flag
            • My daughter is the opposite. I am a no makeup jeans and sweatshirt gal while my teenager daughter will dress as provocatively as she can. I am so tired about fighting about her appearance. If I tell her not to wear a certain dress, she just goes to a friend's house and borrow one of their slutty outfits. I'm exhausted and disheartened and don't know who to blame.

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              12.19.09, 04:02 PM Flag
              • I had friends who went through this and simply grew out of it. In a way girls who argue that they shouldn't be labeled a slut because of an outfit are right. however, they just need to think about why they do it and how they feel when they do it

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                12.19.09, 04:14 PM Flag
                • ? I disagree.. if the outfit is slutty, you should tell her she looks like a "slut". What would be the aruugment otherwise?

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                  12.20.09, 08:22 AM Flag
                  • I think if you say that often girls will just shut down, think their moms are just old and dismiss them. I think the term slut is misogynist and and counterproductive to the sexual development of young women. I think trying to figure out why your daughter dresses that way and challenging her to think about it critically is more effective than borderline name calling.

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                    12.20.09, 08:28 AM Flag
                    • I completely agree. There is no faster way to be dismissed as out of touch than to call your daughter, or her friend, a slut. That's a very judgmental thing to say and you DON'T want her to feel you're judging her if you hope she calls you when she's in trouble, or tells you much of anything about her life.

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                      05.25.11, 05:34 PM Flag
                  • Slut is a terrible word - we weren't permitted to say it at all in our house when I was a kid (and my parents really weren't all that uptight about that kind of thing).

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                    09.27.11, 11:43 AM Flag
              • How old is your daughter? I'm curious when this starts to happen. I was raised by my mom to think nailpolish, miniskirts, exposing breasts was slutty, but more than that, "tacky". So my girlfriends and I never did any of that stuff. We also thought Barbie's (at 6) were stupid. Not sure what my mom did right, or what I;ll do wrong.

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                12.20.09, 08:17 AM Flag
          • I think you're fooling yourself if you think this really affects how your child will be in 12 years -- unfortunately, the peer group and something innate drives the 'dress up' gene. Or maybe it's more about whether your child is using this to assert independence or is more of a mimic. My mom was all about appearances, I don't dress up, and my 5 year old is all about the bling. I really think you should copy this post and re-read your words in 12 years to see if your sensible approach had any influence at all.

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            06.10.10, 08:51 PM Flag
            • I disagree. I have a 16 year old daughter and more often than not, the mother's and daughters match. That is not to say there isn't the occasional trampy teen with a great down to earth mom or visa versa.

              [ Reply | More ]
              05.25.11, 02:20 PM Flag
      • Some little girls are attracted to headbands and barettes even though their Moms wear neither.

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        12.19.09, 04:04 PM Flag
    • Oh god here we go again with the privates- enough- It happens in public too. We can see through your posts recently all focusing on private school girls.

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      12.19.09, 04:03 PM Flag
      • Yes, public and private. My question is why these girls, many who are so bright, will post these pictures, make out with their girlfriends and then post the pictures, as well as sexting random boys. Should the schools tackle the issue?

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        12.19.09, 04:08 PM Flag
        • many schools don't have the time. many youth non-profits have been tackling this issue. Sadie Nash and Girl's Inc. are so empowering for young women and makes them think critically about the media, the messages they receive and leads to then challenging the status quo.

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          12.19.09, 04:12 PM Flag
        • np--Yes, schools as well as parents should address the issue.

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          12.19.09, 04:12 PM Flag
        • Yes, and ours absolutely does. It's very helpful not to be the lone voice of dissent.

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          05.25.11, 05:36 PM Flag
      • i think the op was just pointing out that it is happening across the socio-economic board. too sensitive.

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        12.19.09, 04:09 PM Flag
        • op here - didn't mean to single out private school - issue everywhere.

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          12.19.09, 04:14 PM Flag
    • I'm surprised it's still happening after the Swiffer incident...

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      12.19.09, 04:16 PM Flag
    • By having these pictures on his computer, your son is complicit with the sexting. I've told my child that nothing she does on the computer is private and would speak to her if I found anything improper on her computer or phone. Will you speak to your son?

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      12.19.09, 04:29 PM Flag
    • Fake, fake, fake,fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. Yes, girls all over the fcking world do this, nyc privates are not excluded, but you are a fake poster, fake, fake, fake, purposefully being provocative yourself.

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      12.19.09, 04:40 PM Flagged
      • np: what is a "fake" post. Do you mean its posted by one of the UB moderators to illicit responses? Never understood htis.

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        12.20.09, 08:23 AM Flag
    • Well, I turn on MTV et. al. and this behavior is put on display and lauded. Of course these kids will emulate what they think is cool and trendy.

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      12.19.09, 04:54 PM Flag
    • No one is going to like this, but here goes: We have modesty rules in the house for both boys and girls, starting from a very young age. Think conservative Christian groups or Hasidic dress. You can't really do this if the rest of your environment is not living like this. Peers are everything to teens; parents sort of factor in sometimes.

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      12.19.09, 04:57 PM Flag
    • I grew up with conservative parents and dressed very provocatively. I had very embarrassing moment where teachers sent me home to change. I think one part is because I didn't know how to dress my "new" body. I thought I could wear tank tops and I didn't realize how that looked when I bent over, ect. The other reason is that I wanted to be an adult. My parents gave me little freedom and this was my way of expressing it. Once I left for college, I dropped the slutty shirts.

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      12.20.09, 08:14 AM Flag
    • I can't say why they are doing it (the original question), but I certainly can say what a parent can do to stop it. DO NOT let your child (dd or ds) have a cell phone until they have demonstrated to your satisfaction that they know how to use it responsibly. No child or teen needs a cell phone, and as soon as more parents re-discover this simple fact the problem will disappear.

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      06.10.10, 07:13 PM Flag
      • IDA that no teen needs a cell phone. Once they can walk around the city without you, they need one. Maybe not one with photo and texting capabilities, but something. Didn't your dad make sure you always had a quarter for the pay phone? Well, there aren't any more pay phones.

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        05.25.11, 05:30 PM Flag
    • Not enough daddy attention.

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      05.25.11, 05:48 PM Flag
    • When teenaged girls feel like they haven't gotten enough attention from anyone, they will do whatever it takes for someone to tell them that they are sexy or beautiful. They feel like shit about themselves.

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      08.17.11, 08:27 AM Flag
      • How did you even find this thread? It's originally from 2009 - 2 years ago - and was last commented on back in May.

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        09.27.11, 11:53 AM Flag
  • [-]ds (14 yo) spends a lot of time on the computer. i randomly check his history (without his knowing it - no flames please; that's not my question). If his history doesn't show any porn (my concern - imo 14 is too young for porn web images), is that all I need to know/see? What are ways someone might hide history? (his browser of choice is googlechrome.)

    10 replies [ Reply | Watch | More
    09.06.11, 01:48 PM Flag ]
    • I wouldn't spy on my kids - but that's your prerogative. I know my 6YO would be able to hide activity from your stealth eye though! You need to install tracking software if you really want to spy - it's easy to not store any history on Chrome. And even if you do spy on him, you have no clue what he does outside of your house.

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      09.06.11, 01:52 PM Flag
      • You've got a 6 yo, you have no idea what you'll do when he's older, don't be so judgmental now. I have 2 older kids, (12 and 15) and I check what they're doing on the computer, facebook and text messages. There are a lot of pitfalls and cyber bullying is a big concern. Texts in the middle of the night from frenemies etc. You have to know.

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        09.06.11, 02:33 PM Flag
        • I certainly do know that I'll never read their private information without their knowledge. They will always be able to talk to me and trust me.

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          09.06.11, 05:46 PM Flag
          • np: get back to us when you have teens. Our rule is that texts, email and web history are not private, and we have a middle schooler. We don't review everything, but she knows we spot check.

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            09.06.11, 07:02 PM Flag
          • np--Kids need to understand that nothing done on a computer is private.

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            09.06.11, 07:47 PM Flag
          • It's the norm these days and part of the deal when kids get their own iPhone, computer, etc. Just about every parenting / technology expert says you should check in.

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            09.07.11, 05:38 AM Flag
    • um, you do know you can erase history?

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      09.06.11, 07:52 PM Flag
    • even if he was, what can you do? he is still going to have to use a computer no matter what and if he is motivated, he can find a way (iphone, download it to a memory card and play it on a PSP or ipod, etc). i always think prevention is better than trying to remove a habit later. In our house, we have one computer in the living room. We could definitely do with more but i think it's actually better for the kids, they learn to take turns and not just sit idly at the computer because they know someone else could be waiting.

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      09.06.11, 11:57 PM Flag
      • How do you deal with homework? My kids have a lot of it and all need to use the computer at the same time.

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        09.07.11, 05:33 AM Flag
  • [-]Have a teenage stepson who's severely intellectual disabled and functions like a five year old in many important ways. Not always the case, but most days I feel very little for him other than obligation and guilt. I try not to feel pity for myself (I tell myself, I was the only one in this family that effectively "chose" to have him in my life), but it's a daily struggle. Been in his life for almost 10 years, large part of that as primary caretaker with DH. Relationship with DH is wonderful in all ways but for this. (No way I would have taken this on for a lesser man.) Any BTDT advice?

    16 replies [ Reply | Watch | More
    08.27.11, 07:42 PM Flag ]
    • Have not BTDT, but I think you should lose the guilt. Why on earth should you feel guilty if you're taking care of him the best you can?

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      08.27.11, 07:43 PM Flag
      • ^^ You don't have to LIKE it. You just have to do it. Sounds like you are.

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        08.27.11, 07:44 PM Flag
        • OP: Feel guilty that I think so often about how I hope like hell he will be independent one day. Worried that one day my toddler will realize I don't show him as much affection and be upset at me for not being a better person.

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          08.27.11, 07:47 PM Flag
          • There is nothing wrong with hoping that he will be independent even if that hope is unrealistic. Have you looked into day programs for when he turns 18?

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            08.27.11, 07:51 PM Flag
    • Not btdt. But what's your plan when he reaches 18? Will he go to a day facility? I know how hard this is. GL.

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      08.27.11, 07:45 PM Flag
      • OP: at this stage, I think he will continue in school until 21 (happily, he is making progress). I want to cry just writing this. Really need somewhere to vent but can't really talk to anyone about it.

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        08.27.11, 07:51 PM Flag
        • OP: Also, I think he could get successfully hold a job in a supported environment. With the right investment of time and energy now I do think we could do a lot to get him partially independent. But that in itself is sort of a full-time job.

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          08.27.11, 07:54 PM Flag
          • Give yourself a break. You haven't had the time that your DH has to adjust to the demands of a child with special needs. I think that it would help you to be in a support group or find someone to talk to about the frustrations and huge impact it has on your life. In many ways, having exposure to a sibling with a developmental disability will make your DC more empathetic and caring. As he gets older, in some ways it will be be easier. If he is not able to perform in a job there are a lot of day programs that have great programs. It is a struggle but there are also many rewards that go with it. GL!

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            08.27.11, 08:59 PM Flag
    • NAMI has some good support groups. The support is both touchy feely talk and concrete advice on protecting assets and the such.

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      08.27.11, 09:01 PM Flag
      • OP: thank you, I'm looking at their website now.

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        08.28.11, 06:09 AM Flag
    • First off, you are a saint for doing this, so pat yourself on the back! Second, your toddler can be told , should it ever come up, that stepson is much older and just prefers less hugs, etc....doubt this will ever come up....most children too self centered to notice another sib getting less affection.

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      08.27.11, 09:57 PM Flag
      • >>also...if this is your first experience parenting a teen, you might not realize the teen years aren't always so lovey c

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        08.27.11, 09:59 PM Flag
        • ....so lovey-dovey, I was trying to say....

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          08.27.11, 10:01 PM Flag
      • OP: Yes, I had thought about that - I agree that most kids are probably too self centered for it to ever be an issue. Perhaps by the time she's old enough to notice, she'll be old enough to understand why things are as they are.

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        08.28.11, 06:15 AM Flag
        • Absolutely...this is really one less thing you have to worry about

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          08.28.11, 06:59 AM Flag
    • I think that is really common, even for the bio parents. My son is not severely intellectually disabled, but he's on the autism spectrum... and as he gets older, it gets more and more trying. There are definitely times that I feel obligation and guilt very strongly. It just comes with the territory. It is a really hard job, and it sounds like you are doing it very well. Try not to beat yourself up for the way you feel. And if you need somebody to talk to about it, I really recommend a support group or a therapist. You need to give yourself a break and give yourself the opportunity to vent!

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      08.28.11, 09:31 AM Flag
  • [-]Anyone know anyone whose child ended up having problems b/c they were on antidepressants during pregnancyor breastfeeding?

    8 replies [ Reply | Watch | More
    • no, but i do no children who ended up having problems b/c their mothers were not on antidepressants during pregnancy/breastfeeding/childhood but should have been.

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      06.06.08, 05:31 PM Flag
    • I am/was on antidepressants throughout pregnancy and nursing

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      06.06.08, 05:32 PM Flag
    • Okay to take wellbutrin, a low dose (150mg) and breastfeed? One psychiatrist put me on it, but then I switched doctors and the new doctor is giving me hell about it. She actually said, " Personally, I wouldn't be on wellbutrin if I were breastfeeding." Just want some other opinions. Seems like not enough research has been done on this particular drug.

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      08.14.11, 02:07 PM Flag
    • Thats why I didnt breastfeed. I had to be on the anti depressants through pregnancy but when it came to breast feeding there was more of choice. I though better formula than tainted breast milk.. Just me

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      08.14.11, 02:10 PM Flag
      • That's the choice I'd make for sure. If I needed the medication, I would just use formula.

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        08.14.11, 02:16 PM Flag
    • Thanks for your input. Baby's 3 months now and is developing great. Pediatrician, OB and 1st shrink all gave me the green light. But I can't help worrying about it and now I've decided to self-wean. DH wants me to stay on it:)

      [ Reply | More ]
      08.14.11, 02:15 PM Flag
      • I think you mean "wean"? A DB self-weans, the mom weans the DB. That's great your DB is going so well, and good for sticking with it for 3 mos. Keep in mind that in another month or two DB will start solids, and gradually the BM (or formula) will be a smaller percentage of daily calories. That means even less of drug entering your BM (to the extent that there is any now). Also as DB puts on more weight, it's even less likely to affect him (again, to the extent there is any impact now, which appears not to be). Good luck whatever you decide.

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        08.14.11, 02:34 PM Flag
      • Mom who didnt breastfeed. It will be fine. It just gave me something else to obsess about that I didnt want to. my Dr. discouraged me due to the meds. But i Have yet to hear a bad story. In some ways i am sorry I didnt do it...

        [ Reply | More ]
        08.14.11, 07:26 PM Flag
  • [-]Anyone know of a good place to shop for jeans in Manhattan for an 11 year old girl who is 4ft 11in and approx 100 pounds?

    12 replies [ Reply | Watch | More
    01.21.11, 02:26 PM Flag ]
    • American Eagle

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      01.21.11, 02:28 PM Flag
      • OR - nevermind. I thought 100lbs was skinny, not wide.

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        01.21.11, 02:29 PM Flag
        • ^^Have you tried Old Navy?

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          01.21.11, 02:30 PM Flag
          • Haven't tried Old Navy, but Gap plus is too wide, and Gap regular too tight. She won't wear Children's place clothing anymore, but their jeans used to fit her OK. Haven't tried those in a few years.

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            01.21.11, 02:35 PM Flag
          • OP - will try, thanks for the suggestion.

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            01.21.11, 02:37 PM Flag
    • Have you thought about looking at adult stores? I'm 5 ft, 100 lbs and I like the Gap petite and Banana Republic petite.

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      01.21.11, 03:59 PM Flag
    • Believe it or not, we have had great success at JCPenney (33d & 6th). All sizes from ultra slim to plus in children's and junior's and surprisingly nice styles in jeans. The price is also right!

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      01.21.11, 04:29 PM Flag
      • There's also a big Old Navy right across the street, so you can try both.

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        01.21.11, 04:31 PM Flag
    • Landsend have plus sizes, try them.

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      01.21.11, 04:46 PM Flag
    • There is alway hemming. Rarely are people perfect store bought sizes, it is worth the money to hem.

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      01.21.11, 04:46 PM Flag
    • my daughter is exactly the same size and we found some nice jeans for her at aeropostale. good luck

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      06.14.11, 07:50 PM Flag
    • My daughter is just about those same measurements. She wears Delia's Morgan jeans.

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      08.13.11, 08:01 PM Flag
  • [-]I'm trying to decide if I should make an appt for my dd (18, starting college in the fall) to see a gyno or just stick with her regular doctor visit in Aug. She wants to discuss pros and cons of different methods of birth control and find out what doc recommends, but she's not currently sexually active so would not need an internal exam or pap. My inclination would be to send her to gyno but do gynos see girls who are not sexually active?

    27 replies [ Reply | Watch | More
    06.16.11, 10:04 AM Flag ]
    • ^^^I should mention that she has never been sexually active...not just currently

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      06.16.11, 10:06 AM Flag
      • I think yes, a gyno can have a preliminary talk/meeting with a teen even if she is not sexually active. It is great that she wants to be proactive!

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        06.16.11, 10:07 AM Flag
        • she is very much looking forward to becoming sexually active and wants to make sure she's ready! ;-) And yes, she knows she still needs to use condoms

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          06.16.11, 10:14 AM Flag
          • Have you brought up the (sad) reality about date rape on campus and how common it seems to be. I am really sickened and horrified by the # of women who are victims of assault by their classmates. horrible.

            [ Reply | More ]
            06.16.11, 12:48 PM Flag
            • yes. we've talked a lot about that. in fact, without my prompting, she brought her own bottle of water to her senior prom...

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              06.16.11, 01:44 PM Flag
    • Yes absolutely and you still need a pap even if you aren't sexually active! It is recommended that all girls start to see a gyn in their late teens.

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      06.16.11, 10:08 AM Flag
      • ^^they can detect cervical cancer and besides, if she starts doing them now, it won't be as big a deal when she does become sexually active

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        06.16.11, 10:09 AM Flag
    • Yes, she should start seeing a gynecologist once a year from now on. And if it were my daughter, I'd talk to her and the gyno about the HPV vax.

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      06.16.11, 10:14 AM Flag
      • she already got the series

        [ Reply | More ]
        06.16.11, 10:15 AM Flag
    • Yes! Please send her. My mother didn't send me on the basis that I wasn't sexually active yet when in reality, I was but was too ashamed to tell her. I ended up in a panic about my health, birth control and fertility and went to planned parenthood for a very unpleasant first experience with the gyno. You can control this by sending her to a good doctor that she can confide in without worrying about you being involved. Tell her that no matter what she tells the doctor it's between her and the doctor and that you don't need to know about this.

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      06.16.11, 10:26 AM Flag
      • we've had numerous discussions about this, including the confidentiality part.

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        06.16.11, 10:45 AM Flag
    • She is 18 she can see whichever doctor she wants without your permission.

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      06.16.11, 10:40 AM Flag
      • thanks for that, but she actually wanted my opinion

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        06.16.11, 10:43 AM Flag
        • Why doesn't she just wait until she gets to college and then go to the student health center there? If she's going to a good size university they will have a health center with a gyecologist on staff. They are probably much more used to dealing with women this age and in this circumstance, rather than a typical GYN who normally deals with older patients. A lot of students go there for birth control and first pelvic exams, and it will get her used to the idea of going there if she has a problem or issue. She won't be able to go back to the GYN you send her to, if she is away at school.

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          06.16.11, 12:41 PM Flag
          • NP I found the health services not to be great at my school. They misdiagnosed quite a few of us -- I think they are there for emergencies and that's great, but it is better to have a great OB that will spend some time with you.

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            06.16.11, 12:47 PM Flag
          • the doctor I'm sending her to actually specializes in adolescents, so I think it's a good fit. Also, she wants to get bc pills, and my understanding is the first type might not be best suited for you, so it would give her some time to adjust...

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            06.16.11, 01:46 PM Flag
            • NP: I think you're way too involved in this. Let your DD do this, herself. It'll be good for her (and you)

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              06.16.11, 02:09 PM Flag
              • I appreciate your opinion

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                06.16.11, 04:20 PM Flag
      • yeah, but it's not that easy. I'm the poster above that went to planned parenthood. I was still on my parents' insurance and I was worried that they would see the statement from the insurance company. 18 year olds are savvy, but not that savvy. it's responsible of OP to be taking care of her daughter's health like this. If my mother had done this for me, things would have been much different for me.

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        06.16.11, 10:58 AM Flag
        • I also went to planned parenthood. Aside from furniture in waiting area, didn't find it different than any subsequent gyno experience.

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          06.16.11, 12:45 PM Flag
        • I was 18, at college, went by myself. It's not that hard.

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          06.16.11, 02:08 PM Flag
    • MD Mom. I sent my 18 to an OB-gyn before college and also got her vaccinated for meningitis and HPV. She sees her annually when she comes home for the summer. She says she is not sexually active, but there are a lot of things they can discuss.

      [ Reply | More ]
      06.16.11, 01:27 PM Flag
    • I think your 18 yo should make the appt for herself. I was 18 when I first started seeing GYN and I wasn't sexually active. I got a pap then too. Why wouldn't she?

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      06.16.11, 01:34 PM Flag
      • don't know, just thought is wasn't necessary if you weren't sexually active.

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        06.16.11, 01:48 PM Flag
    • Has she had HPV vaccine series of three shots?

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      06.16.11, 01:58 PM Flag
      • yes

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        06.16.11, 04:18 PM Flag
        • Great. She can also ask her future partner(s) if they have had the shots, as they are now available for males.

          [ Reply | More ]
          06.16.11, 04:37 PM Flag
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