Enterprising gamer wants to be your virtual FPS bodyguard

By Fred Dutton Published 21 November, 2011

£5 gets you 30 minutes of in-game protection.

An entrepreneurial gamer is attempting to sell his services as a virtual bodyguard in various popular Xbox 360 FPS titles.

As posted on Fivesquids and spotted by OXM, Toby Smith's unlikely business proposal offers 30 minutes of his time in return for five of your precious English pounds, during which he'll have your back in either Call of Duty 4, Call of Duty: Black Ops, Halo Reach, Battlefield 1943 or Battlefield: Bad Company 2.

"I will be by your side the entire time and will fight for you, keeping enemies away from you, protecting you when you snipe, even SACRIFICING MY LIFE to save yours," explains his advertisement.

"This is 1/2 hour of GAME TIME, meaning time taken to join a game won't be included."

Any takers?

Picture of Fred.

About Fred Dutton

Fred Dutton is Eurogamer's US news editor, based in Washington DC.

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Comments (59) Latest comment 16h ago

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  • miiiguel #1 2d ago

    This is actually pretty cool. Made me chuckle, and giving my current context, that was quite an achievement.

  • Benno #2 2d ago

    get a real job

  • Ahskay #3 2d ago

    Some people are just silly.

  • Alf-Life #4 2d ago

    haha, good on him. Let's see how it goes :)

  • maxb #5 2d ago

    No!

  • darkmorgado #6 2d ago

    I wonder how long it is before he gets banned from XBL for selling services.

  • INSOMANiAC #7 2d ago

    I have people who already do this for me. They are called friends.

  • Lamb #8 2d ago

    Dude sweet, I should do that! :D

  • darkmorgado #9 2d ago

    @INSOMANiAC

    \o/

  • DiamondIce #10 2d ago

    I had to laugh.

    "I will be by your side the entire time and will fight for you, keeping enemies away from you, protecting you when you snipe, even SACRIFICING MY LIFE to save yours," explains his advertisement.

    He brightened up my day for free.

  • BobbyDeNiro #11 2d ago

    Hats off to th bloke but if he's crap do you get a refund?

  • CaptainQuint #12 2d ago

    This isn't new. People used to help people rank up to the elusive 50 in Halo 3's Team Doubles.

  • gotyourmoney #13 2d ago

    Yeah, well I'm going to hire someone to assassinate bodyguards!

    I give it a week before they unionise.

  • basiclee #14 2d ago

    I hope he's going to declare that income.

  • Penguinzoot #15 2d ago

    I wonder how long it is before he gets banned from XBL for selling services.

    Indeed. The banhammer falls regularly for people falling foul of this particular aspect of the Code of Conduct.

  • the_dudefather #16 2d ago

    But he'll be the one my many on-line enemies will go to first to pay off!

    'et tu Toby?'

  • LittleRiver #17 2d ago

    Ha! I fancy being a minder.

    Wait I feel like breaking in to song (if you don't get it, then it isn't for you)...

    If you want to I'll change the situation.
    Right people, right time; just the wrong location.
    I've got a good idea: Just you keep me near. I'll be so good for you.

    I could be so good for you. I'm gonna help ya!
    Love you like you want me to. I'll do anything for you . . . I'll be so good for you.

    I could be so good for you. I'll do it like you want me to.
    Love you like you want me to. There ain't nothing I can't go through . . . I'll be so good for you.

    Sometime when you're feeling like a poor relation,
    Call on me and I'll give you more than conversation.
    Take 'em. Shakin' hands. A deal. And move it brother. I'll make you heel. I'll be so good for you.

    I could be so good for you. I'll be there right by your side. Love you like you want me to.
    There ain't nothing you can hide from me. I'll be so good for you.

    I could be so good for you. Yee-hoo! I'm your man! Love you like you want me to.
    I'll tell you nothing there ain't nothing, nothing, I can not do. I'll be so good for you.

    Don't ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
    Use my shoulder to rest on. I will be right by your side. I will be your ears and eyes.

    I could be so good for you. I'm the one you really need.
    Love you like you want me to I can even help you breathe. . . I'll be so good for you.

    I could make the good times roll. Viva roll!
    Love you with my heart and soul. That's right! I'll be so good for you.

    I could be so good for you. There ain't nothing I can't do.
    Love you like you want me to You help me and I'll help you . . . I'll be so good for you.

    I could make the good times roll. Woo!
    Love you with my heart and soul. I'll be pleased! I'll be so good for you.

  • CrispyXUK #18 2d ago

    good luck to him

  • dsmx #19 2d ago

    This isn't new some people did it for BF2 as well.

  • gotyourmoney #20 2d ago

    @LittleRiver
    You want me to play the bodyguard, write the feem toon, sing the feem toon...

  • bad09 #21 2d ago

    I bet there are morons out there who pay him to :)

  • Yeoung #22 2d ago

    Ha, that's pretty cool. I've had a part in Lost Planet 2 where I couldn't get past and I've often thought it would be nice to just jank a high-rank player from somewhere to help me finish that section.

    Imagine if you could ask a pc to join you in Skyrim and chop up a tough dragon for some shiny pieces of armor.

    The concept seems silly at face value, but once you think in term of the possibilities this could bring forth, it's actually a really good idea.

  • altitude2k #23 2d ago

    Fair play.

  • Farzlepot #24 2d ago

    Ha!

    If I had the money and the prerequisite lack of a life I'd pay everybody on every server he goes on to aim solely for him. Make him earn his money.

  • chrisola #25 2d ago

    well thanks to this news story and a look at the Fivesquids website, i have now spent £5 on a 'bizarely realisic plastic replica Toucan' which on it's way to my friends work.

  • local_celebrity #26 2d ago

    You might want to consider adding Battlefield 3 and MW3 to your portfolio. I hear those games are pretty popular at the moment.

  • local_celebrity #27 2d ago

    Brilliant story. For some weird reason, it reminded of this Python classic.

    This looks like a job for....K/D REPAIR MAN!

  • HurbleBurble #28 2d ago

    I wonder if you have to pay extra to have 'I will always love you' on repeat over voice comms whilst he's guarding you?

  • phAge #29 2d ago

    @chrisola
    Where did you see this Toucan? I too would like one.

  • Dave #30 2d ago

    Only if he calls himself Jack Bauer. I just wouldn't feel safe otherwise. This is funny though, he really made me chuckle.

  • Cobalt_Jackal #31 2d ago

    That was quite a funny read. But c'mon lets get serious... lets get real. I think we can all agree when i say what a complete saddo this guy seems to be. XD :)

  • Kaminari #32 2d ago

    Now that's an entrepreneur.

    "For 5 quids, I will crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women."

  • Yeah_Buddy1981 #33 2d ago

    What a brilliant idea!! Whats the name of the website? How is the payment made, I'll let y'all know what it's like, should be Interesting for a fiver!!

  • gjgjg #34 2d ago

    "even SACRIFICING MY LIFE to save yours"

    Brave chap.

  • AusFreelancer #35 2d ago

    But will his job title be COD PROstitute?

  • NewbieZilla #36 1d ago

    I was having trouble killing Crawmerax in Borderlands. I let anyone join. Someone did join, and kicked his ass. I didn't pay them any real money but whoever that was had free reign on the goodies that came from its death. It was the last thing I had to do to 100% it anyway. Soldier is not the way to go for that fight.

  • hippyjump #37 1d ago

    some kid failed school i guess

  • Lukree #38 1d ago

    Soon we can all hire our Chinese virtual bodyguards in fraction of the price as soon as their wow gold mining sweatshops hear of this business...

  • cardboardMonster #39 1d ago

    Call me pedantic (or an arse), but can't you only have 'either' one one thing or another? "...during which he'll have your back in either Call of Duty 4, Call of Duty: Black Ops, Halo Reach, Battlefield 1943 or Battlefield: Bad Company". *morning crankiness

  • gotyourmoney #40 1d ago

    @cardboardMonster
    I suppose, if you were a prescriptivist, the use of 'either' when referring to a non-binary choice would technically be a minor grammatical error. But seeing as 'either' is commonly used to indicate that only one option is possible regardless of the number of options, and seeing as prescriptivists are generally seen as ignorant by everyone except some other prescriptivists, I suppose you could say I either love your irony or loathe your foolishness.

  • gotyourmoney #41 1d ago

    FPSes have changed. They're no longer about clans, groups of friends, or ethnicity. They're an endless series of proxy battles fought by mercenaries and trolls. FPSes - and their consumption of life - have become a well-oiled machine.

  • username84 #42 1d ago

    @Yeoung surely getting people to do the hard bits defeats the idea of gaming?

  • Sharzam #43 1d ago

    This is how all business concepts start, with an idea.

    Whether it succeds or fails it will be intreasting to see what happens. At some point someone would of thought about 'wonder if i can sell my time to fix a gas boiler' or 'can we sell advertising via a search engine'.

  • IronGiant #44 1d ago

    I'd rather set fire to a £5 note. There are bound to be a few morons who will take up his services.

  • Pokeyhat #45 1d ago

    It's British pounds you imbecile.

  • Madder-Max #46 1d ago

    Not very well thought out. with the time it takes to join a game, prolly less than minimium wage.

  • ForozM #47 1d ago

    Actually, I can see this business exploding anytime soon.

  • verynaughtyboy #48 1d ago

    His name is Bobby Kotick!

  • pbz #49 23h ago

    Digital gun whore - best of luck to you lad! :D

  • callum9999 #50 16h ago

    @Madder-Max - Presumably he enjoys playing the game? With millions of people playing for free, I'm sure there are a couple of people who would be happy to play and get PAID minimum wage for doing so!