Good for you to try~!

My Godson is the same age, and I tend to get a giftcard for him for clothing, or music, or a gas card for his truck since he drives now to get to work!  I just think that sometimes as God parents, we just have to meet young adults “where they are”.  I just make sure we pray for him, too, without making a big deal about it *to* him! 

Good luck and I hope it is well-received, no matter what you choose

I’m with those suggesting movies.  If you don’t think he’ll go see “The Way,” look into buying him a DVD.  Ideas:  look at the Vatican top 100 list - there will be something there that will inspire him.  Also, a zany choice, but very prolife in an unexpected way:  “Short Circuit” (1986).  Not perfect, but it may grab a teen.  “Juno” if he hasn’t seen it.  Second on “The Red and the Black” (added benefit:  Gregory Peck!).  And “There Be Dragons” if it’s on DVD.  DH liked it, which is rare.  Check out Stephen Greydanus’ website as well (http://www.decentfilms.com).  You will find something you can give with a happy heart, and he can receive more happily than usual.

Are you looking for birthday gifts? Christmas gifts? I don’t usually give my godchildren religious gifts unless it’s for a baptism, communion or confirmation. My godchildren are all being raised by parents who practice their faith so I don’t have your situation. Last year I gave my neice a calendar with $5.00 gift cards to certain places taped to it. Like an ice cream certificate on Nat’l Ice cream day and a gift cert to Starbucks taped to Nat’l Coffee Day, etc. The calendar can have biblical verses on it if you want to give him something religious yet practical at the same time. Remember how he is being raised. It is not his fault that he does not believe or take it seriously. This is what is the norm for him. My son who is 14 doesn’t appreciate religious anything but does have the common courtesy to say thank you and act appreciative. I try to find gifts that they would really like or appreciate as opposed to try and get them to appreciate gifts that I know would be good for their soul. I figure that the harder I push, the more they’re going to push back. Try a regular ol’ monetary or gift certificate given creatively and my guess is this 17 yr old will think his prayers have been answered! (LOL) BTW, google creative money gifts or creative ways to give money. There’s a load of ideas out there.

I vote for the gift of time. Father McDonald at St. Joseph Parrish in Macon, Georgia, used to say, “The Catholic Faith is not taught, but rather caught. ” The book of Sirach says, “As your friends are so shall you be like them.”  In otherword whoever you spend time with, you will become like. If you want to pass on the faith to a Godchild, do what I did for mine throw a Godchild party yearly just for all your Godchildren.” When they were young it was a pizza and movie party, but as they got older it was Steak and great deserts. I say feed them and they’ll come. Our Godchldren ate, they drank and they were merry. The conversation was meaty around questions they may have in current event or the Catholic faith. It was our way of passing the faith to the next generation. Ellen Mongan

I agree with you completely - which I think is the reason I am having such a hard time with this.  His parents didn’t grow up practicing their faith - and that has continued.  Every year I would give him a Nativity set figure, last year he handed it to his younger brother before even opening it saying, “you want this?  I already know what it is.”  I’ve considered buying him a somewhat religious book (and stick cash in the front)  when he hands it his brother - voila - his brother can keep the cash.  But, I think I am tending toward childish/vengeance myself in this one.  I remember years ago my parents stopped buying gifts for their niece but not her younger brother.  When confronted by the annoyed parents my folks said they receive a thank you card or call every year from their nephew.  They never hear from their niece.  I don’t intend to walk away from my godson that way but I that’s how I feel.  Maybe I should just continue with something religious because I should…and just let it go?

I agree that I would try to find a religious gift.  I really like the idea of tickets to the movie “The Way” - it’s a mainstream movie (Martin Sheen, Emilio Estevez) but deals with faith issues - and most teens like movies.  It sounds like part of the problem is that your godson is ungrateful for gifts and rude about it.  That’s his problem and there’s nothing you can really do except try not to take it personally.  Other thoughts I had were CD’s or DVD’s that might peak his interest like a theology of the body for teens, or I remember hearing a conversion story of a satanist to Catholicism.  Also, remember that even if the gift seems to be unappreciated now, that doesn’t mean they never will be.  There may be some point in his life where he’ll pick it up and it will resonate with him.

You might try a good DVD.  One idea would be The Scarlet and the Black (a great movie about a Monsignour in the Vatican during WWII—it is exciting and dramatic). Right now I can’t think of anything else but I know there are good, exciting movies out there that even teens would like.  And by the way, we have to force our teens to watch a movie, because if we recommend it, they don’t want to, but 9 times out of 10, they love it. I don’t know why I can’t recall any others….but I’ll keep thinking about it!

Not much help here, but sympathy.  My oldest daughter suffers too.  She takes ibuprofen and Excedrin alternately, but overlapping, for 2-3 days.  It keeps her going for the most part.  Last month I had to pick her up from school as she was at the point of passing out from the cramps.  I hope others have some helpful ideas.

A doctor once told me that it’s the bloating that can cause a lot of discomfort and was ready to prescribe a diuretic to me.  That’s one reason the Excedrin (and Midol/Pamprin) works because the caffeine acts as a diuretic.  I’ve found that hibiscus tea helps in the same way, without the stimulant.  You can find it in the Celestial Seasonings “zinger” teas, and it’s pretty tasty.  I’ve lately started drinking straight hibiscus tea, and haven’t noticed any menstrual discomfort for months.

It’s worth a try!

Hi, Help! Just an option for ya - I haven’t experienced the pain that you’re describing, but I seem to remember that PMS cramping can be addressed by a NaPro/Creighton doctor. Maybe there’s one in your area? The cramping might be indicative of another problem that the doc might be able to address… good luck! I hope it gets resolved soon!

My reply is below.  I ALWAYS forget to hit the reply button, I am a noob at this, sorry!

I don’t know if this is acceptable - I’m interested in others’ thoughts - but it seems to me that if your daughters are suffering so, the pill that eliminates or reduces the frequency of monthly cycles might be something to talk with their doctor about?  Obviously not for the birth control effect!

Fertility, Cycles, and Nurtrition by Marilyn Shannon Chapter Six discusses painful periods.  Her recommendations (based on scientific studies) are drinking the recommended 8 glasses of water per day starting 3 days before the expected period,fish oil, B12, Vitamin E, Magnesium, Calcium, and Vitamin D.  The multivitamins Professional Prenatal Formula and Optivite have most of the recommended amounts of the above vitamins.  Also, painful periods can be a sign of a number of other problems one of them being endometriosis.
I had painful periods all my life ( my husband would have to come home from work to take care of the kids) and six months ago I read and started following Marilyan Shannon’s PMS diet with supplements.  I started when I was having my period and by the time it rolled around again I did not experience any cramps, not one!
I hope this helps and will pray for your daughters as I know I painful thins can be.

I second looking into Creighton Model FertilityCare.  There maybe hormonal imbalances or other issues (such as endometriosis) that they can diagnose and treat.  Please avoid the pill and look for other alternative hormone therapy (if it is, indeed, needed).  The pill is likely to solve one problem and cause many others!

http://www.fertilitycare.org/premenstrual-syndrome/

I got prescription-strength naproxen (Aleve) when I was in that boat.  But what really helped was being diagnosed (by a NaPro dr.) with endometriosis and having the surgery took care of the pain entirely. 
I did have a friend with that very debilitating pain also (mine was only for the first day; hers was for several), and her problem turned out to be a very elevated platelet count.  Her dr. put her on the pill, which masked the problem, but nearly killed her as the original condition raised her risk of blood clots and stroke and the pill made that risk even higher.  They did find the brain aneurysm before it ruptured, but blood thinners were what she needed, not the pill.  Just something else to check into while looking for the root problem.

Debilitating cramps are not normal and they should see a doctor.  Also try Aleve, it works better for me than any other OTC painkiller.  You can safely take two at a time for a few days.

My oldest still gets them pretty bad - but they don’t completely shut her down like they used to.  This is what she has done differently:  the vitamins someone mentioned (calcium, B,etc.), going to a chiropractor, switching meds once in awhile (currently takes Aleve), and more exercise.  My dd never wanted to move (and I never forced her to) but the last few years she has been highly committed to her fall soccer team and have been more manageable when she’s getting consistent exercise.  I had cramps so bad when I was her age I used to vomit for 2-3 days with my period.  I was eventually put on Nalfon and it did the trick.  I know nothing about the side effects (don’t think I’ve ever suffered any).  But, my point is…keep trying…everyone is different.  I was told (when I was 16!) that it would end after having my first baby.  It did - but I remember thinking (is she telling me to go out and get pregnant?)

I learned a trick from one of the doctors at Mayo after painful surgery and long recovery: stay ahead of the pain.  If you wait until you are experiencing pain to take ibuprofen or Aleve, then it’s harder to overcome the pain.  Perhaps it may be a good idea for your daughters to start charting so that they can identify when their cycles will begin, and then begin the medicating a day *before* the cycles actually start.  I also second having a Creighton doctor do a hormonal workup to identify any potential problems.

Secondly, your average medical doctor will prescribe birth control pills to deal with painful cycles.  My sister has been on birth control since she was 13 to deal with painful cycles, but now, in her early 20s, is dealing with fibroids on her uterus.  Whether the pill caused the fibroids or simply masked their growth is not something her doctor has been willing to explore for her.  A Creighton doctor will, at the very least, eliminate any underlying problems, and at best, can suggest diet changes or supplements to alleviate the problems.

I second (third?) the vitamin/mineral advice.  When nursing moms call me with a variety of PMS symptoms, my recommendation as a lactation consultant is a daily supplement of 1000mg of Calcium (divided into two or three doses f0r better absorption) and 500mg of Magnesium.

Hi Help Me,

Looks like you have a lot of really great advice already, and I may use some of it for myself and *my* daughters!

For 3 generations, the women-folk on my side of the family have had horrible cramps/headache/nausea during our cycles.  Tylenol, Advil, (trade off with the pain meds every 4 hours) heating pad and lay in bed until the pain medication kicks in.  Then get up, stretch (if you can) and get going again.  Repeat, repeat, repeat for oh, about 48 years….
It’s really rough, and many people don’t understand how difficult just “regular life” can be each month.  I’m concerned about my daughters having to endure this for 30+ years like I have.  It’s not endo, {checked several times plus ultrasounds, etc} So I’m very glad that you asked so I have some healthier solutions to the pain!  As I have started today, I’ll offer up prayers to your daughters, and you, and anyone else who may need it!

Gonna 3rd or 4th the NaProTechnology - Creighton - FertilityCare specialist route, along wiht the Marilyn Shannon book “Fertility, Cycles & Nutrition.”  Get the book, go right to that chapter & read aloud when you’re all together!

Just wanted to sympathize!  As a high-schooler I had such severe pain that I passed out several times at school.  It was always on the first day of my period and I couldn’t find relief from ibuprofrin.  Finally after years of pain on a monthly basis my mom took me to a nutritionist and I started taking vitamins that made a huge difference!  After my first baby was born when I was 25 I never, not once, had menstrual cramps again! (Strange but true!) So I stopped taking the vitamins with the proper dosages and went back to a multi.  I don’t want to rely on my memory and say improper doses so I would definately follow up with Marilyn Shannon’s book or a nutritionist and see if that brings some relief.  Good luck and let us know down the road what works!

Help Me, On a totally different kind of note, do you or your daughters suffer at all from anxiety? I had a similar problem that grew worse through college and discovered later I had an anxiety disorder that was exasperating a more minor problem. (Meaning, I did have difficult periods, but they were made worse by my anxiety.) I’ve made great strides in tackling my anxiety. Between that and having children (not so useful for your daughters), I’ve had great improvements in my cramps.

I’m also going to suggest Marilyn Shannon’s book—lots of great info!

For me, my cramps can be managed with healthy diet, vitamins, lots of water, and exercise… sounds so simple but seriously when I slack, I’m sick in bed with the pain. If I stay active and away from sugars, sodas, processed foods, etc., my cramps are so much more manageable.

I would do everything I could to avoid putting her on the pill. My sister was put on it in her teens (now in her 30s) for painful periods and she still has had tons of issues—fibroids, cysts, period pain, etc. It seems to only mask the problem and doesn’t really solve what is causing the problem. I started having similar issues in my early 20s, refused the pill, tried to take better care of my body and my issues seemed to be resolved (thanks be to God).  I’m no doctor, but I just really believe in trying to address the problem holelistically before going on meds.

Alina!  I think this is somewhat normal for a four year old.  My youngest two girls hardly eat at meal time.  But I leave their meals on the table or on the counter for an hour or so, and they come along and have a snitch here and a snitch there.  Inevitably, when I do clear off their plates, they come along and say “Hey, where’s my dinner!”  Grrr!  Anyhow, I think you can encourage your guy to sit at dinner time, but when daddy rises after he’s done, set him free but save his meal.

Does he eat fine for a meal or two each day?  Mine (4 and 2) tend to eat pretty well for a couple meals and the other is a toss-up.  We do want them to try a bite of each thing, but we’re not big on clean-your-plate, partly b/c most young kids don’t quite seem to be on an adult eating schedule yet and partly b/c we’ve watched the weight issues with some relatives who serve big portions and insist that their kids finish it all.  Anyway, as long as he’s not filling up on junk, and he’s eating reasonably well through a day (or a week) at a time, I wouldn’t worry about it.  We do, however, try to stick to them staying at the table until they’re really done eating; otherwise they get distracted and then suddenly remember that they’re hungry half an hour after we’ve just cleaned up the food, meaning that they weren’t really full before, they just wanted to go do something else.

It’s a control thing. If you back off, he will eat.

Look at it this way: your job is to serve him healthy meals and snacks. His job is to choose what to eat off that plate and how much.

Forcing a child to eat is not in any way mentally healthy. In fact, it can set him or her up for food issues for the rest of their lives. It also teaches him or her to cede control of his or her body to someone else.

I say all this in love—but as a formally picky/unhungry child, I’m telling you this obsession with controlling how much he eats is not a good idea. Just let go and the stress will decrease—and he will eat more.

The rule at our house is this: eat or don’t eat, but there is no replacing the meal—new food will next be offered at the next scheduled meal or snack.

Much love from a sister in Christ!

Your only concern at a meal should be making sure he has enough to last him until the next meal.  I tend to prepare the “meat, white, green” type of meal.  Our rule was always one bite of each per year of age.  So, in a typical meal for a four year-old: four bites of hamburg, four bites of potato, four bites of broccoli.  It has worked pretty well.  When they get to be 10, that’s the limit of required bites.  You’re almost to the growing-eat-anything-locust stage at that point.  Don’t sweat it - if he eats a few bites at dinner, he’ll be OK until breakfast.  See if you can break out of the food battle by lowering the standards and the stakes.

He’s 4.  He didn’t get the memo about dinner.
Re-think your meals & make every effort to front-load his nutrition at breakfast and lunch, so that you’re not sweating dinner so much.
Also, for the relationship dynamic that you want to re-set, since it doesn’t bother your dh, *you* be the one to leave the table (at least initially, maybe the first couple of weeks?) so that you’re not tempted to slip into old habits.
Maybe you and your dh could enjoy salads while son is picking at his food, then after he’s excused early, you and dh hold hands and enjoy your dinners together.
Or maybe some other new way of dining…don’t feel locked-in to some structure that just isn’t working for your family, just b/c you think “that’s what everyone does; that’s what we’re supposed to do…” Do what works for your family!

Why don’t you try feeding him? I think sometimes 4 year-olds are just tired at night and hungry and its all too much to eat. If you do this once in a while, You get him to eat and you are done a lot faster. My mother used to do this with my younger brother and it worked. In all other aspects she was very strict and old school. I definitely think she was on to something. I ‘ve done it over the years as needed.  it usually worked.

This happened to me all the time when my son was younger.  I really wanted to be at Mass.  But, it just wasn’t possible- for the same reason you mentioned.  It would have meant a miserable night for all of us, not to mention a miserable next day.  I figured the Good Lord above would not want me to be miserable so I offered up my day of work for a special intention.  Could you try to catch Mass on EWTN (DVR it?) or listen to it on the radio?  It’s hard when life interferes with the most important thing in your life.  Even if you weren’t working outside the home, it still may be difficult to get to mass with that time.  My sister who stays home with her two, has a strict 7pm bedtime to preserve her sanity.  God Bless you for wanting to be there Erika- these years will go by so fast, you’ll be at Mass on Holy Days before you know it!

Does your husband work near a church w/an earlier or later mass, so you could tag-team?  (There’s http://www.MassTimes.orgto help, btw.)
That said, care of minor children is a legitimate reason to have to miss.
In answer to your opening question, yes, it happens much more than I ever thought it would!

My understanding is that work is a legitimate reason to miss Mass, as is the needs of young children.

Why can’t you take her? I took an 11-m-o to my Billings instructor training—a full 4 days.

I would gently suggest rethinking weaning.