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[-]15 yo ds told me he is having nightmares after watching Hostel at a friend's house WITH THE FRIEND'S PARENTS. WTF? I am not into horror films at all and would never let this new breed of psycho torture porn movies to be played in my house or watched by my children. What the hell is wrong with people?
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op: Fuck you guys. Have you seen this movie? It is about college backpackers being ritualistically tortured to death for murder-sadists pleasure. It is twisted, fucked up, and not something that I want my kids exposed to. I am glad that he is having a strong negative reaction toward watching people being tortured and murdered.
[ Reply | More ]don't you think that, if he's prone to getting nightmares from scary movies he should at least have the fortitude of character to say "i get nightmares"?
[ Reply | More ]op: I think you should have the fortitude of character to realize that you are a bitch and not criticize my child for being 15 and sensitive to watching realistic portrayals of people being tortured.
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They should have had your permission before showing an R-rated movie. I would be pissed, too.
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I wasn't technically allowed to, and some R ratings are worse than others. Violence is worse than sex IMO. Besides that, the parents should have asked - the ratings are there for a reason.
[ Reply | More ]NP: Why do you think violence is worse than sex? My parents felt this way, and it never made sense to me. Sex is actually something that kids will likely engage in. Violence--not so much. So wouldn't sex in movies be more likely to actually influence their behavior, being that there are so many more opportunities to engage?
[ Reply | More ]OMG you are twisted. Sex is NATURAL and HEALTHY. Sadistic torture is not. How are you not getting this??
[ Reply | More ]Wow, reading comprehensions problems, huh? I don't think that sex as portrayed in movies is necessarily natural and healthy... I think it's clear to most people that sadistic torture is awful and not likely to be a real part of their lives. I don't think the line between the portrayal of real sex and movie sex is so clear.
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At 15, he needs to know if scary movies bother him and opt out of watching them. He's not a fifth grader! I think you need to encourage him to make better decisions.
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Gay Uncle here. Get a clue here, please. There is an enormous developmental difference between a 15-year-old and a 17-year-old. It's troubling that you -- allegedly a parent -- don't know this.
[ Reply | More ]OR: I don't think anyone would argue that there are not differences between 15-year-olds and 17-year-olds. But a 15-year-old should definitely be able to figure out whether some torture-porn movie is going to keep him up at nights... I had friends in high school for whom this was the case, and they just chose not to watch them. No problem.
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he is behind for someone expected to go away in a couple years and will likely be behind at that time too. if op is accurate in her description, he's more in line with a 9/10 year old and will probably be more like a 13/14 year old when he goes to college. someone with the maturity of a 13 year old will have a tough time with that sort of personal responsibility.
[ Reply | More ]Oh for fuck's sake. Are you serious? Because a 15-year-old isn't perfectly OK with watching images of sadistic torture, he is somehow "behind"? You are a sick fuck.
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You're right. This scene is just so "campy". Nothing horrifying or sadistic about it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W5D5ebIdL8
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He's 15. He should be able to speak up and say he doesn't want to watch it. Or, deal with the consequences without whining to his mommy about it.
[ Reply | More ]Gay Uncle here. You apparently don't understand what it's like to be a 15-year-old boy. Here's how it works: Friend invites you to watch a scary movie at his house. You say "Scary movies give me nightmares." Within 24 hours it's all over the school that you're a "pussy" and most likely gay.
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np. i watched horror films growing up too. i loved it. i loved that sort of storyline, like grimms fairytails. i knew it was make believe and something like faces of death would have really disturbed me. if this kid doesn't know the difference and cant say so for himself, op should advocate for him and send a note with him when he has a sleepover or something.
[ Reply | More ]Stop being so condescending. This kid's parents were clearly out of line by at least not checking with OP first before exposing their UNDERAGE guest to adult material. What else would you give these people a pass on? Alcohol? Drugs? Sex? How about target practice with a .357?
[ Reply | More ]Do you realize how ridiculous you sound accusing someone of being "condescending", demanding that they stop, and then posting a condescending reply? And really, if this teenager is so upset by the film, their mother should stop them from being exposed to it. the guy is not mature enough to stand up for himself.
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Um, the level of violence and sadism in "Hostel" makes "The Excorcist" look like Mary Poppins.
[ Reply | More ]Yeah, or needs to watch one of today's horror movies... whole different ball-game...
[ Reply | More ]OR here: Have always loved horror movies and I've seen hostel and it's so outrageous that it could only be fiction. fwiw, my DH disagrees with me on this one (he's reading over my shoulder). He thinks that while it's probably ok for a 15 yo to watch it, he wouldn't let a kid watch without checking with the parents.. so, there you go.
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OP, ITA with you. It's one thing for kids to be watching it because they got access to it, but as a parent, I'd never agree to it. There are LOTS of R rated horror movies that aren't all about showing torture and murder in that kind of detail.
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Yes, I have. It was awful and violent. I posted above--the kid is 15 and should be able to say that scary movies are not his thing. There is no shame in that. At 15, he is making all kinds of big decisions. Kids his age are having sex, snorting coke, driving drunk, etc. If this kid can't even decline a scary movie, his parents should be seriously worried.
[ Reply | More ]np It is a lot easier to avoid all those things, which require him to actively choose to do them, than watching a movie with peers. One that he probably had no idea was so disturbing. It sounds way beyond "scary movie" territory. Those never bothered me.
[ Reply | More ]It was pretty bad, I agree. Worse than ordinary scary movies. But I disagree that the situations are very different. Like watching a movie, he will probably be exposed to some party where everyone is snorting coke and it seems like the path of least resistance... same with sex when all his friends are doing it... I would be worried if I was his mom.
[ Reply | More ]^^And in all fairness, it sounds like his mom is the one making a big deal of all this. He watched a scary movie, now he is having nightmares... probably a lesson learned for him. Don't understand why his mom is so upset though. It's like she is talking about a small child.
[ Reply | More ]NP. She's not upset with her son, she is upset with the PARENTS who should have known better.
[ Reply | More ]Yes, that is what I think is weird. Why is she blaming other people? Her child made a mistake, the consequences are unpleasant but not terrible, and she is blaming other people.
[ Reply | More ]Because it's the "other people's" fault in this case. And this is not at all like peer pressure situations where the kid might encounter other kids doing drugs, alcohol, etc. This is more like the kid encountering a situation where the drugs and alcohol are supplied by other kids' parents.
[ Reply | More ]I don't think it was a great decision by the parents at all. But in the end, her child is going to have to show some strength of character. In all reality, he will be in at least one situation where some parents DO supply alcohol. The parents will be in the wrong... but the son still needs to learn to make good decisions, and the mom needs to stop absolving him of any responsibility.
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So surprised by these responses. I watched about two seconds of that movie when I was in my 20s and it was extremely horrifying. The whole movie consists of gratuitous torture of human beings. 15 is a sensitive age, it would have been embarrassing for your son to speak up and say it was too scary when both his friend and his friend's parents wanted to watch it. I would be ROYALLY pissed off. My son would no longer be visiting that household.
[ Reply | More ]op: Thanks for your responses. I would venture to guess that everyone suggesting that my kid grows a pair hasn't had a 15 yo ds and hasn't seen this film. He has watched the exorcist before, no problems- this is different, it is about people torturing and murdering other human beings for fun. I think its really sick and I think there is something seriously wrong with people who watch this shit for fun.
[ Reply | More ]Nobody is arguing that the movie isn't horrifying. You are missing the point. They are arguing that your child made a bad choice, and at 15 he can go ahead and learn from that choice. But you treating him like a baby is helping no one.
[ Reply | More ]Gay Uncle here. You're missing the point, and clearly don't understand peer pressure. The kid was not in a position to make an objective "choice". He was put on the spot in a situation where he most likely had no idea how scary this movie was until he saw it. Backing out at that point would have been, to a 15-year-old, monumentally embarrassing.
[ Reply | More ]Just like it would be monumentally embarrassing not to do ANYTHING a group of your friends are doing at that age... drugs, sex, murder. C'mon. I understand peer pressure. This lady's son capitulated to it, the result was relatively harmless, maybe he learned a lesson. He is out of diapers, why is his mother so worked up?
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I don't see how you are getting that I am babying him or that he is not learning from the experience. He didn't realize how fucked up the movie would be and in the end walked out of the room before it ended. We talked about it in a casual way and he said that he definitely wouldn't ever watch movies like that because watching extreme violence affects him more strongly than some other people. his emotional/ psychological development is not stunted, he is actually really mature for his age.
[ Reply | More ]I'm behind you on this one. It's insane to assert that because you child isn't callous and desensitized to graphic violence that he's somehow developmentally "challenged." Developmentally challenged, maybe, for a member of Hitler Youth!
[ Reply | More ]np: op, you have great son! These people who want to convince you that you are babying him or that he should have been able to stand up for himself (against his friend's parents) leave me speechless! It is a sad thing where our society is heading if horror movies of that kind are considered acceptable for 15 years old.
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Are you people actually suggesting that a 15 year old boy should have the fortitude to tell his friend's PARENTS that they shouldn't be watching a certain tv show. Wow!
[ Reply | More ]np: i think they are saying that he should have been able to tell his friend/their parents that he didn't want to watch (not that they shouldn't watch). on the other hand, it wasn't a great decision by the parents either. either way, it doesn't seem like something worth going crazy about. now op knows that those parents might have questionable jugdement, and the son presumably will be more careful about what movies he watches.
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[-]If your high school DD got pregnant, what would you do? Leave it up to her? Encourage her to keep the baby? Encourage her to have an abortion? My mother told me flat-out when I was that age that if I got pregnant and didn't have an abortion she wouldn't help me take care of the baby.
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreI don't think that you can make a high school kid have an abortion. I'm not sure what I would do, honestly. Is she 14 or 18? Who is the dad? Is she a responsible 17 or does she have psychological problems or addictions? What does she want to do? Such a hard decision. I think I will definitely try to put my dd on birth control EARLY though, even if she thinks she doesn't need it.
[ Reply | More ]Considering I'm an old mom, I'd count my lucky stars that I'm a grandma and help take care of the baby.
[ Reply | More ]So having waited to have kids, you don't want/forsee the same for your kids? Not being snarky here; many old moms on ub are quite happy they waited for many years (I know others struggled with infertility). I have no horse in this race, I'm a medium-Mom (these days) at 30 for first DC.
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Wow. I have no f-ing idea how I'd proceed in that situation until in it. My husband and I are both deeply pragmatic and pro-abortion rights, but having been through an abortion, I also recognize that it's sad and difficult- who knows.
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[-]WTF!? My six-year-old daughter came home from camp really sad today because she "dumped her boyfriend and broke his heart." There were older girls at the camp telling her to French kiss him - I nearly growled at them. My husband was very helpful in taking a funny approach when we talked about the whole thing, saying he's a boy...(pause) friend, not a boyfriend. He threw in a couple of jokes and she cheered up. I'm guessing they're just role-playing and that it's completely age-appropriate - but it's still kind of shocking! Am I right and this is developmentally normal? H-E-L-P-!-!-!
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreThis is one of the reasons why I carefully choose where my child goes. No, it's not developmentally normal unless you're in the group that thinks oral sex on the school bus by the age of 10 is developmentally normal as well. I would question the camp admin about their chaperoning skills--there's a reason why older children are cared for separately from younger.
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or: You feel insecure about some of the choices that you've made with your DC, don't you? It's okay. I'm fully fine with being the destination site for all your misplaced frustration & confusion as a parent. It is hard and sometimes we don't all make the best choices...go on let it out...there, there.
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No, I don't think I did. It's a slow progression. The path to destruction is not a cliff, but a long graduated staircase. It starts with young girls (5&6) having the entire boyfriend/girlfriend thing over emphasized. Heck in my day(and I'm just in my very early 30s) frenchkissing was like 2nd or 3rd base. If you're frenchkissing people at 6 OR being pressured into it, where are you going to go by 10?
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No, it's not really normal for 6. It sounds like she's very influenced by these older girls.
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[-]I just went to do laundry and I needed one or two machines. I woman who was loading her stuff into a machine gasps and says to me, "I'm gonna need all the machines. Sorry but I got here first so I'll take them all." There are 10 machines there. I could have taken just one. She refused to give up even one. I just left without saying anything but would you have said something?
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[-]WWYD. Older ds (8) has been invited to pool party. He's an ok swimmer but I don't feel comfortable leaving him there w/o me. Have younger ds (6) not invited, am alone that weekend. Is it horrible to ask if younger ds an go as well? I tried to come up with a playdate for younger one but can't find anyone free for the time of the party
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[-]Is this icky or am I overreacting? MIL (here for a weeklong visit) just told me that when she's playing with DD she role plays she (MIL) is DD's mother, and DD is the baby. (DD is a toddler.) I just felt weird. Usually when MIL is here I do a lot of errand running, extra work, etc - but this time DD has been really clingy. (Maybe she thinks that game is icky, too.)
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I'll talk to him. I just hate venting to him all the time, so I usually deal with her directly. It is weird, though, right?
[ Reply | More ]yes it is weird. i wouldn't bother saying anything to DH if you know he doesn't want to hear it. Maybe tell MIL that DD doesn't like pretending she's a baby, she is a big girl and her dolly is the baby. (I don't know why, it's not like he has older siblings, but my 2yo has been pretty adamant for some time that he is NOT a baby, and would not be into pretending he is.) just stay close. leave DD during naps.
[ Reply | More ]DD is in that space - before your son - in which she sometimes wants to be a "baby" and sometimes a "big girl" who is "old nuff" to do things. DH just looks helpless when I talk about stuff like this, and I can understand that.
[ Reply | More ]I hear you, was trying to think of a graceful way out of having the "you're a pill knock it off conversation." you're right that she's weird. She's not doing anything damaging. But there's nothing wrong with limiting unsupervised time. And a week is way too long of a visit. Just can't swing it next summer.
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eh, when I was a kid I begged my mother to pretend she was the dentist and I was the dentist's daughter. could be your DD is just a weird kid.
[ Reply | More ]Tell her your daughter is too little to understand and you don't want her to be confused. It's not like she's playing house with a 6 year old or something, that's different. Your MIL is kind of creepy, no offense, of course. But I wouldn't like it either. I can see how other people would think 'oh no big deal', but I'm not one of those people.
[ Reply | More ]Do you feel weird if your daughter plays mommy and baby with her friends? Little girls love to play family. She wants everyone to pretend to be you because she loves you and wants to be around you constantly because you are the center of her universe. MIL is trying to play a game with your DD that interests her not take your place. Don't read into it so much. If she was hiding this game it might be strange.
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If it was your dd's idea, then yes, you are totally overreacting and should not think twice about it. If it was your mil's idea then it's kinda weird.
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[-]DH loves Hawaiian shirts. His favorite (from the Gap) has a big hole in it, though. Want to get him some more, but Gap doesn't seem to have any this season. Suggestions?
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[-]I have been married 15yrs, have 4 kids ages 14, 13, 8 & 6. I never finished college, have been a stay-at-home mom since 1st child was born and am 44 yrs. old. I HATE my husband but am scared to divorce him cause how would i support myself? Should I go back to school? Thx for listening to me!!
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[-]I'm twelve weeks pregnant and planning to dye my hair soon. Doc said it was okay. Any thoughts?
20 replies [ Reply | Watch | Moreare you dying it black or bleaching it blonde? i think the type of product is probably important to know
[ Reply | More ]The problem is that I have an amazing amount of gray hair for a 37 year old. My face looks young but my hair looks old. I might be able to hide it with some blonde highlights, and I'm thinking about going to an Aveda salon. However, I don't want to be looked down upon when I'm there, so I'm considering doing it while I'm abroad later this summer.
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every brunette i know seriously debated this issue. not a single blonde. signed, blonde mom.
[ Reply | More ]I hear you-- I was 36 and very grey, and personally I find "old looking" pregnant women to be a little stomach-turning. But I was worried about teratogens, so I didn't dye. On the plus side, when I felt monstrously ugly, leaky, saggy after delivery, it was SO nice to be able to dye my hair and feel better/younger again. I recommend holding off, if only to preserve the option of that much-needed boost later.
[ Reply | More ]My thought is - if you don't even trust your ob to give you an informed opinion on hair dye, why are you letting her deliver your child?
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[-]why does every mom on long island wear tori burch flip flops? SIL is obsessed all of her friends wear the exact same pair. Is this a suburban thing now?
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[-]Any suggestions on which support groups I could join? I have been in a marriage with an emotionally distant husband for 7 years now. We have a 5 year old. Couples therapy hasnt helped. We go for days without talking - he doesnt seem the need to engage in any conversation and now I have kind of given up. Very hopeless and going through periods of depression and crying spells. Lexapro nor therapy has helped. Any support groups I could join to help me deal with this?
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreI know it's not responsive to your question, but I'm assuming you have Rx lexapro because you're depressed. Don't give up on meds. Increase your dosage, or try something else (I'd avoid paxil and effexor, esp if getting Rx from someone other than psychiatrist. Nothing serious, but friends/fam had hassles with those two drugs.) Getting the meds right won't make you peppy or happy, but you won't be in so much despair, feel so much like crying. Dealing with those symptoms should make it possible to address your situation. Why don't you think therapy has helped?
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I posted below. I took and still take meds (I still take b/c all the therapy and marriage counseling I did made it apparent that I have some underlying stuff that meds would help). This is not the answer to fixing a problem marriage though. Often depression will become apparent when you're in a bad marriage. I cried all the time, became v. depressed and was basically a disaster.
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This was me. We ended up divorcing...it just wasn't worth it. I felt alone, sad and I was a shell of myself. Nothing helped and I came to realization that it just wasn't worth it. We have 2 DC who were small at time we divorced (3 & 5) - I didn't want them growing up in a toxic, tension filled household where their idea of a marriage was going to be based on mine. I was 34 at time. It took courage but I made the leap and couldn't be more happy. Ex and I agreed to put kids in play therapy for a year after divorce and it was amazing. Really helped the kids process. Ex and I have both been in happy, fulfilling relationships since divorce - he's been with his GF for over a yr and I'm going on 2 yrs with my BF. We share custody, live i...
[ Reply | More ]Thanks. With 7 years of seeing myself deteriorate in confidence, his criticism, instantly cutting me off from his day to day stuff, ignoring me, refusing to answer questions I ask has taken a deep toll on me. I started meditation classes and it has helped to some degree but I feel like how long can I continue to take this? Maybe a support group of some sort would help alongwith my meds.
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Honestly, it sounds like you're saying that there's an animal chewing your arm off, so you're going to take a lot of Tylenol and talk to some people about how it hurts but have no intention of removing the animal.
[ Reply | More ]I was just going to write the same thing. OP, why are you getting treated for depression? Why are you seeking a support group? You are letting this external situation ruin your life and then trying to treat the symptoms. You need to deal with the cause (your husband's behavior). If he can't change, you need to make some big changes.
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I dont have the courage for divorce. My marriage counselor thinks we can still work it out and doesnt think an emotional distant husband is ground enough for divorce. I find that funny.... But yes I dont want to uproot my child and whatever life I have built for myself - not that strong yet.
[ Reply | More ]I posted above. You can do it. I learned a lot in marriage counseling and it led to a lot of introspection on my part. Their word is not the end all be all. You are the one in the marriage, not the counselor. After numerous discussions w/ child psychologists when we started divorce, the resounding answer from every single person was that it is MUCH better to divorce when the child is young. The longer you wait the harder for the child. I was scared as hell. I have devout Catholic parents who really pressured me to find ways to fix things, I never had to worry about supporting myself pre or during my marriage, lived in a lovely town, etc. However, none of that mattered. I looked great on the outside but felt like shit on the inside...
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How is he emotionally distant? Does he just ignore you or your worries? Does he just completely stop talking to you? How is he with your 5 yo?
[ Reply | More ]I feel a DH's treatment of his DW is a reflection of their general ability to form a relationship with their DC. I'm sure people will disagree but my problem with my DH eventually extended to our 2nd DC in that he couldn't separate us and would treat her in the manner he would treat me (obviously in a less aggressive way) but he never quite bonded with her which broke my heart. My DS is still the golden child even after being divorced for 3 yrs.
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[-]Furious with nanny. Caught her on the nannycam throwing away the nutritious lunches I've been making for DCs. When I confronted her, she told me the kids don't like that "health food stuff" I make, and prefer she take them to McDonald's. Worse, apparently my DH is in on this, and has been slipping her money to pay for the kids' lunches at McDonalds! I'm seething.
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[-]anybody have experience with a 4yo who has at least one temper tantrum every day, cries all the time, back talks and is just pretty miserable in general. The preschool teacher says I should have her IQ tested, she thinks she is gifted, and this could be why she seems to have so many emotional ups and downs. I see no evidence of smarts here, just lots of crying and screaming
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Yes, and overpaid, glorified babysitter with an advanced degree in early childhood education. Did your child attend a good preschool, with a good teacher? If so, I'm not sure how you could insinuate that they are not professional teachers. I'm a professor and I found my children's preschool teachers take pedagogy just as seriously as my colleagues and I do.
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My son was like that. He grew out of it in first grade. We had him evaluated to try and figure out what was going on, and he did have a really high IQ... but I don't think that was why he was freaking out all the time. I think he was emotionally immature. We found him a great school where the teachers were very patient and let him work at his own pace, and as he has gained maturity he is doing much better. Think she might be bad at expressing herself/impulse control and that is why she gets so frustrated/has tantrums?
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[-]DH ignores me when he's home on the weekend. It's great that he and DS play so nicely together, but I feel invisible. Except I'm "needed" every two minutes to find the water bottle or change the dipe or administer tylenol. Youll all tell me to just leave them home and go out, but DH has MS and can't pick up DS.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreThat would be annoying, but consider that your DH would probably love to be able to care for DS on his own.
[ Reply | More ]^^So maybe it's not about ignoring you, but trying to get that one-on-one bonding time. I'm all about making DHs capable however so I would make yourself as scarce as possible and let DH figure out the diaper-changing and med administering, while you have a long soak in the tub or something.
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That sounds very tricky for DH. I think he is trying for one on one bonding time (which he will NEVER have due to his condition). Maybe you can talk this out with him and you guys can agree when you will be there and be "invisible" so he can focus on the baby and you can fetch and the other time can be normal family time. This really is a special circumstance that requires a unique solution.
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It's a new school, but I think the expctation is that it will be on par with 87 and 199.
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They're different, and 452 is different, but they all draw from the same neighborhood of mostly UMC mostly white mostly college educated parents. Who your parents are is the one thing that's highly correlated with how you'll do in school. 452 will have high test scores because the parents will see that they do.
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I think it will be the best of both worlds. My theory- the Community is exactly the same as 87 - you even have some parents with 1 kid in 87 and 1 in 452 this year. They will want and expect the same grass-rootsy progressive type school culture of 87. Then, you have the principal of 452- who was an AP at 199 - so, most likely the school will have the same academic style as 199- the top scoring school in D3. He specialized in grades 3-5 academics while at 199. So, as an incoming 452 parent, I have high expectations as far as the quality of later grade learning. The fact that the school only has 3 classes per grade is a boon as well.
[ Reply | More ]ITA. But having to share with Anderson is a big negative. Can't help but have the attitude affect the environment at drop-off and pickup.
[ Reply | More ]This is just silly no one has any idea which kids go to Anderson or 452. They share afterschool together as well and all get along just fine. 452 gets a lot of benefits from Anderson such as a new library, afterschool, playground etc. that will all still be there when Anderson leaves.
[ Reply | More ]np: 452 will have its own afterschool next year which is with the same person/organization as 199. They also have extensive in class libraries and am really doubtful that they will use the library or see it as a "benefit". I really have never understood the obsession with in school libraries. Everything will be digital in the future.
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[-]Can someone please tell me (Either from personal experience or someone you know) that having it's entirely possible to have a baby (or three) and still stay in great shape? Everywhere around me I seem to hear negative Nancy's telling me that babies ruin your body. When I tell people I intend to run throughout my pregnancy and afterwards (I'm a distance runner) they give me patronizing smiles as if to say, "just wait, we all said that...and now we're too tired to exercise and we've joined weightwatchers to ditch those 30 extra lbs"
56 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreEveryone is different. IME, the way you are prepregnancy is pretty much the way you will stay post pregnancy. I have always been a naturally fit, active person, and the weight literally fell off with zero effort from me (was also really depressed, so don't recommend that method!) the only I have noticed is that getting rid of belly skin/pooch is difficult and requires targeted effort (which I have not put in bc I can live with being skinny and having a little belly pooch). ignore everyone.
[ Reply | More ]I've always been tall and thin. I'm not worried about an extra 5-10 lbs or a pooch. I get a little worried though when I see friends who literally look like DIFFERENT women after babies. I know some women who gained upwards of 60 lbs DURING pregnancy and now carry an extra 50 lbs. That changes the entire way you look. I still love them as people, and I'm not trying to be mean. I just know that it would be hard for me to go through that
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IME naturally thin people easily return to being naturally thin again within 3 months. Women who always struggled to stay thin by closely watching calories and intense exercise, often have trouble getting back to that level of discipline and stay a bit chubby.
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Agree. I had no trouble losing baby weight within 10 wks both times. I will say, though, that depending on your age, your skin may not snap back after #2 (or 3). With my first (age 35) mt tummy looked EXACTLY the same afterwards - like Giselle. After #2 (age 38) there is loose skin that will never go away...maybe if I had time to do hours of pilates but prob not even then. Maybe if I was still in my 20's...
[ Reply | More ]OP here. I turn 30 soon. So depending on how long TTC takes...I should still be in relatively young snap-back shape
[ Reply | More ]Hey OP, the bottomline is that if exercise and fitness is a #1 priority for you, you'll find a way to stay in shape during pregnancy and infancy. It is a juggle and MUCH more challenging than before being a mom but it can be done. I ran the NYC Marathon last fall even though I've got 2 year old twins. My DH and a babysitter help me out to get in my longest runs and I do the others in early morning or late evening (and my treadmill is my new "best friend" unfortunately, I hate the thing but it is a way to squeeze a run in during naptime or at night). GL to you OP!
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In general this is true. There are lots of exceptions in both directions - for some reason it's easier for me to keep my weight down (maybe chasing my active dd all the time) now than it was before I had her (she's 20 months). And I have friends who were ultra-fit who are not anymore - but I think you can ignore the negative Nancys and just wait and see your own body for yourself. Everyone is different.
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I'm the same size as I was pre-pregnancy. I'm not a thin person - 5'9" and a size 10 - I've been the same size for years and years and if I really wanted to, I could get down to a size 6. But I like ice cream and I'm reasonably comfortable at this size. So, to answer your question, I think you can absolutely have several children and look great. It's just about how much you want to work at it (same as before kids).
[ Reply | More ]I don't think you should just assume you will "run throughout my pregnancy and afterwards". I think friends may be reacting to that. If you had said "I intend to TRY to run as much as possible..." that would be more realistic. There's going to be a point where you can't. Eventually people DO get into great shape again, but it certainly helps if you have people around to cover taking care of the db because you will find that if you don't, THAT will completely exhaust you.
[ Reply | More ]I hope to run through the first 2 trimesters. 3rd...probably not. But I'm okay with that. I also realize sometimes women end up on bedrest and I understand that. I'm not going to go psycho if I can't run for a few months. I just would like to keep it up if I have a healthy pregnancy and I'm able to
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I would say that yes, you most definitely can stay in shape during and after your pregnancy, assuming you have a) a singleton pregnancy and b) no complications. That being said, I will agree with the negative Nancy's that pregnancy changes your body permanently, especially in the abdominal region (unless you are Gisele Bundchen or Miranda Kerr or some other freak of nature). I have known women who have gone off the deep end trying to stay in perfect shape during and after pregnancy, and I have to say, I find that kind of disturbing and sad. Yes, I have worked hard to get back into decent shape after giving birth to twins (and gaining 60+ pounds while pregnant), but that is definitely not my #1 priority in life. I think you will find tha...
[ Reply | More ]PS I have lost all 60 pounds, but my abdomen will never be the same. And I wear one size up in pants/skirts. Other than that, I am the same basic shape. Less time for exercise but I make do.
[ Reply | More ]I don't know - I have 2 and had them 18 months apart. My stomach looks good. I'm not small and have other problem areas (same one as before pregnancy) but still, my stomach looks good - it's flat, no stretch marks or lose skin. Now my ass, that's another story... but it
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I've had three. I found it really difficult to take off the baby weight and get back into shape with the last one. I'm older, my metabolism came to a stand still and I'm losing muscle tone faster. So it was harder for me to get back into shape with the third one but it can be done. It just will take some time. I took me about 19 months to lose 63 pounds. I do low carb to no carb but everyone I know who did WW, has had great success with it. I run hard 5 days a week and I HATE running. But I hate being heavy more. I also do weight training. I'm a big fan of women doing weight training. I try to mix it up by doing low weights, high reps and heavy weights, low reps. And, I do this in my house with tapes.
[ Reply | More ]I'm someone who gained 60 lbs while pregnant and is now struggling to get the last 20 lbs off (I'm 3 months post partum). My proportions, at least at this point, are completely different than they were pre-pregnancy. I also have ridiculous stretch marks now. That said, I've always struggled with my weight (I was thin but worked hard at it) and I'm not much of an athlete. The women I know who love to exercise and didn't gain excess weight while pregnant appear to return to their pre-baby bodies fairly quickly and I know people who didn't get a single stretch mark and have no wrinkled skin on their bellies after 2 kids.
[ Reply | More ]At 3 months pp your hormones are still shifting back. I EBF'ed and didn't get my period for 18 months. Around that time I also got my ass back - until then I had weird flat ass, which had never been a problem. My longtime best friend actually looked at me and said "oh you got your ass back!". My point is just that some body shape things can be hormonal and your proportions may change back to normal yet.
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I was in awesome shape during my pregnancy. I was logging miles on the treadmill at 39 weeks, and I credit exercise for an easy pregnancy/delivery. That said, I still had to take a break between weeks 16-23 and just do yoga because of bad sciatica pain. I'm 12w PP now and have 5lbs (of 25 gained) left to lose. I track my calories and work out 3x/week. Point being: if you have discipline, help from DH and/or others, a little luck and good genes, you will return to normal eventually. For others, it might be harder/longer.
[ Reply | More ]Everyone is different. First off, do you have any sisters? How bout your mom? How did they do post-pregnancy? Family is a good guide of how you will do. I always worked out, ran through most of the my first pregnancy (though not so much with my second b/c of hip and back pain) and the weight did NOT fall off. That said, it did all come off eventually with a lot of hard work. My body never was exactly the same (hips are still wider and for some reason my pre-pregnancy shirts are always too short now!), but definitely looks good. Had my second 8 months ago and have 7 pounds to go still but already looking decent (though not in my pre-prenancy clothes yet). You just have to make exercise a priority and be willing to sacrifice sleep for it :)
[ Reply | More ]Of course it is. What isn't possible, or is very unlikely, is to LOOK exactly the same, at least to yourself. Stretch marks and varicose veins happen regardless of fitness. Breasts tend to sag when you lose the extra weight (my As are kind of deflated, but for a year and a half of almost C cup breasts was worth it). But you can get back to same fitness level, and are unlikely to look any different from the outside. My sister got thinner after having DB. SIL is still a triathelete, looks terrific after 4 DC.
[ Reply | More ]I can tell you my experience. I have always been thin. 5'5" and 120 lbs. I have 3 DBs. I gained 50 with the first, 60 with the second and 70 with the third. After the first two they weight came off with ease - in about 3 or 4 months. With the third - well, I am still struggling. It has been over 2 years and I still have an extra 20 lbs. So, I don't agree if you were naturally thin you can assume no weight gain after childbirth.
[ Reply | More ]I second this. I was naturally thin before I gave birth, and I could eat whatever I wanted, never exercised... no problem. After my son was born I went from 105 to 115-120... could not get rid of those extra pounds unless I exercised an hour a day and really counted calories. It just wasn't worth it to me. After #2 I am now 123... same thing. I think having a child can change your setpoint. That said, if you have the time and the inclination you can definitely stay in shape. I think many people have to work really hard at it, though, and because your priorities often change you may not want to do all that work.
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Okay, a friend of mine, a distance runner, ran all the way through her pregnancy. I run also, but I am not the athlete she is. It bothered me to run, I couldn't stand the pulling sensation and wore a support that helped a bit. I decided to walk instead. I was 45 years old when I delivered and in two weeks I was back to weight. It fall off but I did breast feed. You can do it. Good luck!
[ Reply | More ]Who cares? Worry about having a healthy baby and making this world a better place for your kid to grow up in. Worrying about if a baby will ruin your body is disgusting and shallow. Think about how many women want kids and can't have them and your worried about if your body will be ruined. Sigh. How about learning to love your body no matter what size you are so that you can give that gift of self love and acceptance to your kids.
[ Reply | More ]I agree with the poster who says it depends on your baby. I worked out all through first pregnancy and had a kid who NEVER slept so I couldn't even think of exercising for the first 3-4 months. Never took off the last 7 lbs. With #2 I gained the same amt. of weight exercised but not at same intensity as first pregnancy and was back down to pp weight by 6 months. In part because db #2 slept and also because I think I started walking and thinking about the way I was eating sooner because of what I'd experienced with #1. I EBF'd both for over a year. The bfing made a difference with #2 but not with #1.
[ Reply | More ]you may be able to get down to the same weight but you will probably look slightly different. you boobs may be bigger or smaller and may be saggier. your belly may have extra/loose skin. you may also experience skin changes that don't go away - pigmented spots/freckles. your hair may become thicker or thinner or have a different texture. i was 105lbs before pregnancy, now i am 108. no one else notices, but i do. i can't squeeze into some of my prior clothes.
[ Reply | More ]Check out this site, http://theshapeofamother.com/ Your friends are just being honest.
[ Reply | More ]I think that it is possible. Unquestionably it will take much more time, effort, and creativity than pre-kid, and you might need a little (or a lot) more help. I agree that your post-pregnancy state will not be dramatically different than pre-pregnancy after the first 3-6 months. You'll adapt. I too am a distance runner- although my first four months of pregnancy (well, first 4.5) were 24-7 nausea and all I did was eat and my feet feel as if they are made of lead- but that's just me, now. I'm postponing NYM '11 to do it in '12, so hell to the yeah I'll pick up my old habits, and you likely will too. Here's the thing though- give yourself a little slack. I dramatically underestimated (by not thinking about it at all) the impact being pregnan...
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[-]My SIL bathes her 2 year old dd with bottled water. She claims her skin is sensitive and reacts to tap water. She is going to be visiting with us. She mentioned to dh about having to buy water while she is here. I really do not have the patience to indulge this. How do I get this message across tactfully? Or should I indulge this?
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Indulge it. Give her/BIL the keys to your car to let them get the water -- no need to be responsible getting it for them. If they have been doing this for 2 years, it could create a major family issue if you decide that now is the time to tell them they can't. I do think it's nuts, by the way!
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[-]Where could I find the smallest class size in kindergarten on the UWS, considering both gt and gen Ed?
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That was last yet when people were afraid of a new school and if their k student being in the building with poor middle schools. This year is different. The classes will be bigger.
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Most public schools will have the same class sizes. They take kids until they reach the max.
[ Reply | More ]Principals don't "aim" for class sizes in public school. They aren't allowed to decide that they want their school to have smaller classes. All public schools have the same max # of students, and principals accept kids who enroll until they reach the max. If 75 K students are zoned and enroll, then 75 will be given spots and class size will be the same as most other public schools.
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[-]2.5 year old got first MMR vaccine a week ago. Developed a low fever yesterday that went away quickly, but has been having a lot of difficulty napping the past few days. He always slept for two hours and went for his nap calmly, but the last two days he's giving me such a hard time and sleeps for 45 minutes and then wakes up extrememly cranky and agitated. Could this be a side effect of the vaccine? Dr. isn't in until Monday, don't really want to call emergency service, since this isn't an emergency, but it is really concerning me. Did anyone else have experiences like this after MMR....please someone calm me down!
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Haha. So you will risk your child's life and my child's life because you're afraid he won't nap as usual for a week? You need to gain some historical perspective. Take a trip back to 1850 when almost 50% of children in NYC died before age 5. Ask their parents if they would have withheld a lifesaving preventative because the baby wouldn't have slept normally for a few days.
[ Reply | More ]op here, that was not me above. i don't mind my child's sleep being disturbed for a few days, i just am trying to find reassurance that it's not a bigger problem.
[ Reply | More ]I knew it wasn't you, OP--you vaccinated! Don't worry about his sleep. It will pass, and lots of things disrupt kids' sleep patterns. You really don't know that the vaccine even caused this. It could be anything, and there may have been other disruptions you didn't notice because you weren't looking for them.
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My unvaccinated child is not in any way a risk to your vaccinated child. Get a grip.
[ Reply | More ]your unvaccinated child is definitely a risk to my small baby who isn't fully vaccinated yet.
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No, actually I don't. We didn't have them when I was a kid, so I see no reason to have them now, particularly when today's cars are safer than ever.
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Get a fucking grip. NO ONE used car seats for kids just a generation ago, and people managed to live through it.
[ Reply | More ]Except for the ones who didn't. That's like saying you think everybody managed to live through World War II, since we are all here now. Have you read any of the studies on how much car seats reduce injuries and deaths of small children? Do you do any research at all before you make these awful decisions (obviously, the answer is no).
[ Reply | More ]Do you have any idea how many children are killed each year by knives? Have you done the research?? I'm sure the answer is no, since I'm sure you have a collection in your kitchen.
[ Reply | More ]since car seats were required by law over 40,000 kids are saved per year in the US. get a fricking carseat.
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NP: That isn't true. 1) Vaccinated children can occasionally get ill from non-vaccinated children because the vaccines aren't 100% effective. That is why getting all kids vaccinated is so important. Infections can't persist if there is sufficient herd immunity. 2) Your unvaccinated child can get other kids who are unvaccinated, for actual good reasons, ill. Kids with immunological problems, babies too small to get vaccinations, etc. If you make the decision not to immunize, you should at the very least understand the consequences of your decision.
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There's a pretty strong argument to be made that people like you are guilty of child neglect.
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there are now doctor's practices that refuse to take non-vaccinated children-why would I want my child on the road to full vaccination to sit in the same office as your potentially contagious child???
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Just a coincidence if you got the MMR a week ago. Sometimes kids do develop low fevers, but if it was due to the vaccination then it would have been immediately after. Just treat it like any fever! Keep track of it, if it gets too high seek medical attention. It's difficult to be a parent worried about immunizations because kids get so may of them that a good number of them are bound to get ill, just by coincidence, relatively soon after immunizations.
[ Reply | More ]Right. It's just "coincidence." Just like how thousands upon thousands of totally asymptomatic and healthy HIV-positive gay men suddenly got AIDS after discovering their HIV-positive status and started taking AZT. All of them. Within DAYS of taking the drug. Just "coincidence." God how Western Medicine has us all brainwashed. Frightening.
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Your response says it all. If this was 70 years ago in Europe, you'd be mindlessly raising your hand in salute ...
[ Reply | More ]NP: Nope, your comment really doesn't make any sense. Logic doesn't seem to be your strong point. Do some HIV-positive men get sick after beginning AZT? Yes, but typically they start taking medicine BECAUSE the viral count is rising and their T-cell count is declining. That is, these men are already on their way to health problems. They have HIV. The only way to say that AZT CAUSES health problems is to compare men who take it vs those who don't, matched for age, stage of infection, SES, etc. Given these criteria, there is no evidence that AZT is some killer med.
[ Reply | More ]WRONG. The vast majority of gay men during the height of the AIDS crisis started taking AZT -- under doctors' orders -- the moment they discovered their HIV-positive status, regardless of symptoms. And they ALL got sick after taking AZT. And I personally know many men who bravely resisted the AZT "therapy" who are still alive today -- having NEVER developed AIDS -- by staying away from the drug.
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I haven't gotten a baby or toddler vaccinated yet but pre-conception my husband and I both got an MMR booster and I had a mild reaction to it- low fever, a little malaise, a little headache-y. It will pass. Sorry your little one doesn't feel well. I also asked my mom, and she said I had a mild reaction after my MMR when I was little- but it passed after a couple days of cranky.
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