UrbanBaby

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do not arrive to set up camp in the dark. boyscouts 101. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.08.11, 09:29 PM Flag

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No, he wants to arrive at friends' country house in the middle of the night then set off for camping the next day, camp for one night, hang out, then drive back. Total driving time if all goes perfectly, 12 ours. For one night plus one half a night, one night camping and one night in their home. Does this sound in any way like a good idea? We would not be setting up camp in the middle of the night but we would be arriving at a home the kids don't know, they will leave key for us as we fumble around in the dark to get them resettled. To me it seems stupid beyond. Then two cranky, tired kids will go camping the next night. Then another night of driving. Three bad nights sleep in a row. WHY does DH think this idea must happen? Why is he so enamored of this terrible idea? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.08.11, 10:08 PM Flag

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I've got a rule that any drive over 3 hours I won't do for less than a 3-night stay. Can you find a longer chunk of time to make the trip? Maybe plan that for next year? Try a camp experience closer-to-home. Camping is fun (we've done it with 6 years olds and they adore it) but you want to go into it well rested. I always find being with friends so stressful when my own kids are exhausted (bad behavior, whining etc). They probably would behave a whole lot better for your DH alone though. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 05:11 AM Flag

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^^though I was posting this under, "Is this out of character?" [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 08:15 AM Flag

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Not from a legal perspective either. No one is obligated to leave anyone anything. Leona Helmsley left all of Harry's money to her dog, Trouble. Who just passed away and now the estate went to charity. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.08.11, 09:32 PM Flag

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Oooops, sorry wrong post! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.08.11, 09:35 PM Flag

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her only child was already dead [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.08.11, 09:38 PM Flag

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but she had grandchildren [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 09:26 AM Flag

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I am 100% with you. I wouldn't want/allow my dc to do this either and I'd be adamant, knowing myself. A 6 and 8 yo do not need this. The whole idea sounds ill planned and certainly not fun. Honey you are going to have to be insistent that you have a right to protect your kids and this idea is a bad one. Driving in remote areas with kids that young, fumbling in a strange house at all hours of the night, waking them at all hours of the night - it's nuts. Good luck standing this one down. I would. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.08.11, 10:18 PM Flag

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THANK YOU. He is making this a huge issue and I still cannot even figure out why this is so important to him. his is going to be a really big fight. Ugh. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.08.11, 10:27 PM Flag

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I really wish you luck with this one. There's no way I'd do this nutsy plan. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.08.11, 10:36 PM Flag

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He's nuts, it's not safe, I would not allow it. Driving all night the first night is bad enough, but to drive through the night on the third night after missing sleep on night one, possibly staying up late with friends on night 2. Can't you/he take a day off work to drive during the morning on the way there and then leave around midday on the sunday to get home at a decent time? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 12:00 AM Flag

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I would be curious about why he so persistently wants to carry out this awful plan .... Is this out of character? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 03:43 AM Flag

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My family went on trips like this when I was a child and they are some of my favorite memories. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 04:35 AM Flag

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Exactly [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 09:00 AM Flag

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a dh: (Not something I would do but...) A father wants to do something with his kids and you posters talk about "I would not allow" as if a father has to get permission like a teenager. And this is a "dangerous" idea because it involves the risky behaviors of driving at night and camping. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 05:09 AM Flag

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dw here and I agree both with this post and also that the plan is very bad. But I would focus more on that fact that it won't be any FUN with grumpy, tired kids, and on trying to make it more fun eg by adding another day at the destination (moving the trip to another weekend if necessary) [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 05:57 AM Flag

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OR: and that sounds like a good middle ground [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 08:44 AM Flag

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I agree. So long as the husband won't be driving while dangerously sleep deprived, she needs to lay off and let him build some fun, spontaneous memories with his kids. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 09:01 AM Flag

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But this does not sound spontaneous; planned, and poorly planned, imo. One does not need to drive 12 hours round-trip to go camping. Might as well fly to Yellowstone with that kind of travel time. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 09:05 AM Flag

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OR: The planned parts of vacations are not what you usually wind up remembering. Let it be. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 08:36 PM Flag

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np: of course i'm entitled to 'not allow' my children to do something. so is he. he could 'not allow' me to take them somewhere and I'd have to respect that. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.10.11, 06:04 AM Flag

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I don't see what the big deal is. Sure they might be grumpy, but that will be his problem, now won't it? If he's willing to take them for a weekend I say Godspeed. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 06:02 AM Flag

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me neither. I like to camp, and driving at night is (on major highways, at least) faster and easier -- it can't be back roads all the way there. it's not like your kids are 6 and 8 months old. elementary school kids can deal with a little disruption, especially with their parents around. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 06:47 AM Flag

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It's his problem if I do not go. I would like to go camping -- closer to home. I think this is too far and I don't understand it. I don't really want to spend the weekend alone. He knows I have lost family and this is a hard time for me. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 08:16 AM Flag

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It doesn't sound like fun to me, but it's not unsafe. I'd not rain on this parade. 6 hours is not that long to drive, but if only he is going I wouldn't want him starting after 6pm. On the road by 4 is do-able. On Sunday, they do not need to hang out all day. They can have the morning, leave by noon. If you're like many families, the kids will be total angels bec it's an adventure with dad and they'll have no one to whine to. (No offense, it's just moms often get the baby version of DC, no matter where you are. Dads sometimes get the kid they are for teachers). Meeting halfway means the friends house isn't available for Friday night, which is key. Also, the place is nearby if there's weather, or they just decide not to go through with staying at the campsite overnight. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 06:39 AM Flag

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^^with staying at the campsite overnight. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 06:42 AM Flag

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We could go to a hotel in the Berkshires. I do resent being dragged back to these people's rural family home and I do not understand his need to do this. I am afraid of the night driving (he fell asleep at the wheel in his 20s and woke up in the hospital and though it may have been a youthful transgression, I am afraid; he sleeps like a rock and nods off quickly and sometimes in the car he looks drowsy and I have to keep waking him; I would never trust myself driving at night so I can't do it, either; my night vision is very poor). If we drive during the day, even starting at 4, I do not see the kids enjoying a supposed 6 hour (I am sure it will be 7 or 8) drive, arriving midnight at best, and he does not know these dark country roads, they will not be lit, I just think this plan stinks however we slice it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 08:22 AM Flag

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^^I misspoke, I do not have to "keep waking" him in the car, he is not asleep, I meant he looks sleepy to me if a long, dark drive and I get scared because of the accident in the past, and I feel the need to keep him alert though maybe he is fine. I definitely cannot let go of the past accident (though I was not there) because it is such a scary idea, because I once experienced that feeling of being able to nod off at the wheel and scared myself back into alertness, and because I think he is cavalier about a lot of things, including driving -- I have had to grab his phone away so he will stop texting while driving. I know I sound like a controlling b&tch; but I guess some of his impulses scare me. He is a great dad but he used to do things like push the baby stroller ahead on the sidewalk and then grab it, just for fun. WHY??? WHy risk an infant in his carriage zooming into the street or falling over a bump or somehow not managing to catch it? He does this kind of thing and it makes me crazy. he sometimes walks so far ahead of the kids that I have taken them by the hand and turned around without his noticing, and I know he walks ahead when I am not there, says it gets them to keep up, otherwise they are too slow. It's like he thinks it is their job to keep an eye on him rather than his job to keep an eye on them. It makes me sad. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 08:28 AM Flag

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OR: OP I totally get it. You are smart to put your foot down. He's the type to text and drive, and is impulsive. He fell asleep at the wheel to the point he ended up in the hospital. You are 100% off the hook. He married you for a reason, he needs someone to balance him. (He's probably ADHD but let me not distract with pop-psych hobby). I'm sure he is a smart, charming, wonderful and fun guy. Lots of qualities that make him a good dad. But you can't let him drive the kids without you. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 09:39 AM Flag

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I totally disagree with you. What are you worried about? Cranking kids? At 6 and 8 they will be sleepily transfered to wherever you lay them at the friends house.You will be sleeping for the ride down.You need to relax. It may not be the optimal plan but clearly it is important for your DH to see his friend and I know almost all kids love camping. If he feels so strongly, let it go. From the subtext I could read, it seems like you dont like the friends or feel that DH always puts himself out and they dont, which it probably the real issue. It isn't poor judgement or lack of common sense. You sound resentful of his dedication to his friends and I am guessing he doesn't do the same for you, which is probably the real problem. Love, armchair psychologist [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 06:44 AM Flag

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This is part of it for sure, goes deeper than that but yes. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 08:18 AM Flag

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OR above: Check the driving time online--he probably is minimizing it. Tell him you're fine with the idea if you leave at noon on friday, and return at noon on Sunday. And deal with whatever it is that's bothering you, putting friends first, etc.... You need to advocate for yourself. Men need to be told things. Over and over. Having to ask for things doesn't feel as great as when someone just "knows" you and anticipates your needs. Esp when you have to ask every. single. time. But it is SO much better than not getting what you need/want. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 09:44 AM Flag

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That's a lot of driving. My dc are 7 and 9 and they might be ok on the ride down, but will be whining and cranky on the way back. They do always love some adventure, though, and camping is fun. I might just go with it if DH agrees to do all the driving. I've been known to come up with a wacky plan or two in the past... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.09.11, 07:30 AM Flag

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Let him take them and you stay home, if they have a good time great and if they have a bad time you won't be there to experience it... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.10.11, 05:53 AM Flag

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