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- I really don't enjoy it at all, and wish I could spend less time with them
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Inheritance/funeral cost post got me thinking - how should our estate (sounds odd to call it that!) be divided? DH and I have been together for nearly 2 decades with one DB. DH has a grown child. If DH passes first, everything will go to me. Do I split 50/50 b/w our DB and the adult child? I'm sure this will depend on our age/DB age. DH was a poor student when we met. I put him through law school. Adult child was born when DH was just a teenager.
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my friend's father died in his 50's and left a larger inheritance to my friend (his youngest but still an adult) than his oldest and it destroyed their relationship entirely
[ Reply | More ]I don't want the money to come between the two kids - but honestly, they'll never be close. They're more than 25 years apart in age. I mentioned my support of DH through school to iterate the point that the assets we have were built after we met and married.
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OK - I really do care deeply for the older child and want her to be well and happy. But I can't stand her loser husband! I don't want him to blow through the inheritance like the loser he would!
[ Reply | More ]Her choice of husband doesn't reflect well on DH. That said you have no obligation to blow cash. Help her out as much as you can now--reimburse for therapy, her education, etc.... And maybe set up a trust for the grandchild.
[ Reply | More ]Her husband is nothing like her father. DH would have never sat around collecting unemployment with a wife and baby at home. DH ALWAYS worked - multiple jobs - to take care of his family.
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To clarify - DH didn't abandon his 1st child as the above poster stated. Don't know why that was presumed. The daughter's husband is a loser, and I hate the thought of him spending it frivolously. But it'll be the daughter's decision too, I guess. There are probably safeguards - like a trust for her and the granddaughter.
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Your DH will likely die in his 80s, when your child is well into adulthood, so the money should probably be split between his two children equally.
[ Reply | More ]I work in estate planning and there is no right answer to your question. Planning for families with kids from prior marriages can get complex. I recommend you see an experienced estate planning attorney, someone who will sit down with you and talk about family dynamics and explain your options. Atty will probably recommend setting up a trust, not just wills. Hashing it all out now will save you a lot of grief in the future.
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Really, though, make sure you choose someone who will take the time to really discuss the family, how everyone interacts, how everyone feels about each other, everyone's expectations. That is the stuff that's really going to determine what your atty recommends. Don't go to a "will mill."
[ Reply | More ]How does one go about finding a good attorney to do this? I have one rec for someone not in the same state.
[ Reply | More ]Ask the atty you've been recommended if he/she knows anyone in your area. You can also go online to the National Network of Estate Planning Attorneys, which has a list of members. Or Wealth Counsel (I'd start with NNEPA, though). I see people in this thread recommending equal treatment or some kind of fractional shares, but I suggest you wait till you talk to an atty to figure that all out. There are a LOT of factors and plans for blended families tend to be pretty individualized.
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I am the inheritance/funeral poster, the responses have me thinking about what is really bothering since the money is so insignificant. The Executor feels pressured to hurry up and get everything done so he can pay off the two step siblings. I asked what is the hurry? Can't we grieve and worry about all of this in Sept. Apparently, they asked my brother at my mothers funeral what was going on. I don't think that the question was a bad one but it would be easier for us to grieve it they were not there. I would have preferred they got a fee when their father died so we would not have this over us. I feel for them too. I also, have your situation with two grown step kids and a young son. They are 18 and 20 years older than DS. If DH passes it comes to me and then to my son because he is young and not through college yet. The step kids will raise him if we die before he is of age. We have worked on this relationship. They see him as their brother. I swallowed lots of crow over the years as the childless stepmother and always put the step kids first. My stepchildren will have lots of money from their grandparents and mothers side. We can change everything when DS is grown. It's a lot to think about. I would split everything 50/50 not sure how you could work out some of the pressure that could befall you DB if the other is chomping at the bit. I am off to my lawyer this week.
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That was tactless for them to ask at the funeral, and I think the lunch thing was petty OF THEM, to be clear, although it is petty of you to be holding on to it. Also adults should understand that it takes time to settle an estate. However, I think your brother's approach may be better than yours, and ultimately provide more peace between you and the steps, or at least be rid of them sooner. Is it possible for some kind of early payment to be made from the estate to them, to be deducted from the final reckoning? I am foreseeing these kinds of issues with my BIO sister when my parents are gone, since I am the executor and she doesn't like me, and likely will need the cash more than me.
[ Reply | More ]Everyone deals with their grief in different ways. What I haven't said at all, is that my mother couldn't stand the stepkids because they were lazy, not working, single parents, going on welfare etc. why we worked every summer and throughout the year to pay the mortgae and put over selves through. Aren't we thrilled we have to share with the. There is a lot I am not saying here. I spent lots of money on my mother in last few months of her life and never asked for it back for legitimate things like doctors, etc. So it is not the money alone, that irritates me. I agree it might be a good idea to give them some money now but I guess that is not going to happen. Try to get as much ironed out now as you can.
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Your DH should split his assets between his children equally. You can choose to do with yours as you wish. Pretty simple.
[ Reply | More ]DH should take care of his 1st DC in his will- maybe 1/10 - 1/4 to child and 3/4 for you & 2nd DC. Or he may decide to leave you everything. His choice. You have no obligation to leave anything to anyone- your choice. You can leave it all to your DC or split it or leave it to your cat!
[ Reply | More ]My DH has 2 children from his first marriage who are in their mid 30s and we have one who is 10. When we got married, I had assets, he had debts, when we got married, however, he makes more money than I do. Right now, our will states that I get everything or our child gets everything. I asked him to make his two kids the beneficiaries of one of his life insurance policies and leave me/our daughter out of it. Their mother will leave them something. I do not feel that our assets should be split 3 ways. Later on we can change that our child will get one half (my half) and the other half to be split 3 ways. My husband went beyond his legal obligation to them as they were growing up and there were times I told my husband to pay for things just because it was the right thing to do.
[ Reply | More ]As an only stepchild with 3 stepsiblings (who come from a lot of money), I can guarantee that if their estate is not split (as they have assured us many times) so that we each get 1/4, it will completely destroy my relationship with the entire family. Stepsiblings over have a lifelong feeling of not being truly equal, and to have this perpetuated in black and white at the parent's death would really not be something I could get over.
[ Reply | More ]So you were raised by the step=parent? I think it really depends on the age of the child when the parent remarries. A grown-up cannot expect that if her/his parent marries someone really rich, you should get the same piece of pie as that rich person's children upon death of that rich person who did not raise you. I think that would be unfair to the other kids. If, however, you all grew up together, and step-parentw as truly a parent to you, different story.
[ Reply | More ]I posted earlier with the 2 step kids in their 30 s. Your parents should sit down with all of u know and explain why they structured their will the way they did. That will at least give the kids a chance to fightbit out with the parents and not with each other. My parents made me the executor of their estate and it caused a rift with onr
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