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[-]I have been married 15yrs, have 4 kids ages 14, 13, 8 & 6. I never finished college, have been a stay-at-home mom since 1st child was born and am 44 yrs. old. I HATE my husband but am scared to divorce him cause how would i support myself? Should I go back to school? Thx for listening to me!!
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[-]DH loves Hawaiian shirts. His favorite (from the Gap) has a big hole in it, though. Want to get him some more, but Gap doesn't seem to have any this season. Suggestions?
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[-]15 yo ds told me he is having nightmares after watching Hostel at a friend's house WITH THE FRIEND'S PARENTS. WTF? I am not into horror films at all and would never let this new breed of psycho torture porn movies to be played in my house or watched by my children. What the hell is wrong with people?
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op: Fuck you guys. Have you seen this movie? It is about college backpackers being ritualistically tortured to death for murder-sadists pleasure. It is twisted, fucked up, and not something that I want my kids exposed to. I am glad that he is having a strong negative reaction toward watching people being tortured and murdered.
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They should have had your permission before showing an R-rated movie. I would be pissed, too.
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At 15, he needs to know if scary movies bother him and opt out of watching them. He's not a fifth grader! I think you need to encourage him to make better decisions.
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np. i watched horror films growing up too. i loved it. i loved that sort of storyline, like grimms fairytails. i knew it was make believe and something like faces of death would have really disturbed me. if this kid doesn't know the difference and cant say so for himself, op should advocate for him and send a note with him when he has a sleepover or something.
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[-]I'm twelve weeks pregnant and planning to dye my hair soon. Doc said it was okay. Any thoughts?
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | Moreare you dying it black or bleaching it blonde? i think the type of product is probably important to know
[ Reply | More ]The problem is that I have an amazing amount of gray hair for a 37 year old. My face looks young but my hair looks old. I might be able to hide it with some blonde highlights, and I'm thinking about going to an Aveda salon. However, I don't want to be looked down upon when I'm there, so I'm considering doing it while I'm abroad later this summer.
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every brunette i know seriously debated this issue. not a single blonde. signed, blonde mom.
[ Reply | More ]I hear you-- I was 36 and very grey, and personally I find "old looking" pregnant women to be a little stomach-turning. But I was worried about teratogens, so I didn't dye. On the plus side, when I felt monstrously ugly, leaky, saggy after delivery, it was SO nice to be able to dye my hair and feel better/younger again. I recommend holding off, if only to preserve the option of that much-needed boost later.
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[-]Is this icky or am I overreacting? MIL (here for a weeklong visit) just told me that when she's playing with DD she role plays she (MIL) is DD's mother, and DD is the baby. (DD is a toddler.) I just felt weird. Usually when MIL is here I do a lot of errand running, extra work, etc - but this time DD has been really clingy. (Maybe she thinks that game is icky, too.)
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I'll talk to him. I just hate venting to him all the time, so I usually deal with her directly. It is weird, though, right?
[ Reply | More ]yes it is weird. i wouldn't bother saying anything to DH if you know he doesn't want to hear it. Maybe tell MIL that DD doesn't like pretending she's a baby, she is a big girl and her dolly is the baby. (I don't know why, it's not like he has older siblings, but my 2yo has been pretty adamant for some time that he is NOT a baby, and would not be into pretending he is.) just stay close. leave DD during naps.
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eh, when I was a kid I begged my mother to pretend she was the dentist and I was the dentist's daughter. could be your DD is just a weird kid.
[ Reply | More ]Tell her your daughter is too little to understand and you don't want her to be confused. It's not like she's playing house with a 6 year old or something, that's different. Your MIL is kind of creepy, no offense, of course. But I wouldn't like it either. I can see how other people would think 'oh no big deal', but I'm not one of those people.
[ Reply | More ]Do you feel weird if your daughter plays mommy and baby with her friends? Little girls love to play family. She wants everyone to pretend to be you because she loves you and wants to be around you constantly because you are the center of her universe. MIL is trying to play a game with your DD that interests her not take your place. Don't read into it so much. If she was hiding this game it might be strange.
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[-]For women who had their first baby in their early 30s, how long did it take you TTC?
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33 yo DF PG on first try. 36 yo SIL on 2nd try. 37 yo DF on 2nd try (used kit). Realize not early 30s but, FWIW, the people i know either got it soon, or had a lot of trouble. So I err on side of recommending checking stuff out, esp if you want to have more than 1, and life-wise makes sense to have DB sooner. If you've been trying for 6 months, go ahead and get a work-up from an RE. If you've been using the predictors, I wouldn't wait the full 6 months. I know woman who pulled goalie at 31, ended up using DEs at 38. I also have good friend who had a couple miscarriages, went to RE, two failed IUIs, ended up getting pg on their own at 40.
[ Reply | More ]One night. Had sex once (I remember the date and time--lol!) in a six week period. I was nearly 33. Same thing the other two times, fwiw. I was 36 and 41. I've never really had to TTC. My mother charmingly told me she got pg with me the first time she had sex; we're very fertile, apparently.
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[-]Joining a gym for the first time ever, thinking about taking some of their classes. Tell me about Pilates, Zumba, and spinning?
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreHate spinning. I hate bad music that is played really loud and people shouting at me. I like to find my own personal strength and motivation and don't need someone to try and motivate me. Like pilates but it's hard to find a good teacher because so many of them move much to fast which causes you to use momentum and not strength. But if you find a good one then it's a great way to strength your core.
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[-]Am going to try dying my hair at home (semi-permanent). Any tips??
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreI second watching the SHOWER CURTAIN! (We've ruined some). I used clairol natural instincts in the past and had good results, although the gray coverage is not good (I don't have grays yet but my mom does and it didn't last in her hair)
[ Reply | More ]Thanks - I also have the natural instincts. Bummer about the greys though- that's the point of this exercise. I'm only maybe 20% gray though...maybe even a little less. I had a semi-permanent dye job done in a salon and it covered the gray well for about 6 weeks. BUt that's ludicrously expensive.
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a colorist once told me to buy the activator from a beauty supply. it's a different strength that what they sell in the pkgs. it's 20 instead of 10. Or something? shoot, now I can't remember. It was a while ago, i was a steady client and just traveling too much to see her regularly. i should have written it down.
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[-]Any suggestions on which support groups I could join? I have been in a marriage with an emotionally distant husband for 7 years now. We have a 5 year old. Couples therapy hasnt helped. We go for days without talking - he doesnt seem the need to engage in any conversation and now I have kind of given up. Very hopeless and going through periods of depression and crying spells. Lexapro nor therapy has helped. Any support groups I could join to help me deal with this?
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I know it's not responsive to your question, but I'm assuming you have Rx lexapro because you're depressed. Don't give up on meds. Increase your dosage, or try something else (I'd avoid paxil and effexor, esp if getting Rx from someone other than psychiatrist. Nothing serious, but friends/fam had hassles with those two drugs.) Getting the meds right won't make you peppy or happy, but you won't be in so much despair, feel so much like crying. Dealing with those symptoms should make it possible to address your situation. Why don't you think therapy has helped?
[ Reply | More ]I posted below. I took and still take meds (I still take b/c all the therapy and marriage counseling I did made it apparent that I have some underlying stuff that meds would help). This is not the answer to fixing a problem marriage though. Often depression will become apparent when you're in a bad marriage. I cried all the time, became v. depressed and was basically a disaster.
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This was me. We ended up divorcing...it just wasn't worth it. I felt alone, sad and I was a shell of myself. Nothing helped and I came to realization that it just wasn't worth it. We have 2 DC who were small at time we divorced (3 & 5) - I didn't want them growing up in a toxic, tension filled household where their idea of a marriage was going to be based on mine. I was 34 at time. It took courage but I made the leap and couldn't be more happy. Ex and I agreed to put kids in play therapy for a year after divorce and it was amazing. Really helped the kids process. Ex and I have both been in happy, fulfilling relationships since divorce - he's been with his GF for over a yr and I'm going on 2 yrs with my BF. We share custody, live i...
[ Reply | More ]Thanks. With 7 years of seeing myself deteriorate in confidence, his criticism, instantly cutting me off from his day to day stuff, ignoring me, refusing to answer questions I ask has taken a deep toll on me. I started meditation classes and it has helped to some degree but I feel like how long can I continue to take this? Maybe a support group of some sort would help alongwith my meds.
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Honestly, it sounds like you're saying that there's an animal chewing your arm off, so you're going to take a lot of Tylenol and talk to some people about how it hurts but have no intention of removing the animal.
[ Reply | More ]I dont have the courage for divorce. My marriage counselor thinks we can still work it out and doesnt think an emotional distant husband is ground enough for divorce. I find that funny.... But yes I dont want to uproot my child and whatever life I have built for myself - not that strong yet.
[ Reply | More ]I posted above. You can do it. I learned a lot in marriage counseling and it led to a lot of introspection on my part. Their word is not the end all be all. You are the one in the marriage, not the counselor. After numerous discussions w/ child psychologists when we started divorce, the resounding answer from every single person was that it is MUCH better to divorce when the child is young. The longer you wait the harder for the child. I was scared as hell. I have devout Catholic parents who really pressured me to find ways to fix things, I never had to worry about supporting myself pre or during my marriage, lived in a lovely town, etc. However, none of that mattered. I looked great on the outside but felt like shit on the inside...
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How is he emotionally distant? Does he just ignore you or your worries? Does he just completely stop talking to you? How is he with your 5 yo?
[ Reply | More ]I feel a DH's treatment of his DW is a reflection of their general ability to form a relationship with their DC. I'm sure people will disagree but my problem with my DH eventually extended to our 2nd DC in that he couldn't separate us and would treat her in the manner he would treat me (obviously in a less aggressive way) but he never quite bonded with her which broke my heart. My DS is still the golden child even after being divorced for 3 yrs.
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[-]Have any of you found that you do want another child but you deeply do NOT want to go through pregnancy and the first two years again? This is my predicament and I can't find my way out!
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreMeeee. I already have an 8 yr old and 6 1/2 yr old but at 37 think I want another. I just can't imagine starting from 'scratch' again. I finally have some freedom. Such a dilemma. My DH was adopted and struggles with it - more so when he was younger (he's Caucasian, adopted by Caucasian family almost 50 yrs ago) but he still reflects on it fairly often so I think adoption is out for us.
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Can you get more help this time? I never thought I'd have "strangers" in my home, even a cleaning person, and thought it was absurd to pay for groceries to be delivered, etc.... If outsourcing is at all an option, consider opening your mind to it.
[ Reply | More ]^^^get pt sitter, have overnight help if needed. Seriously. Recognize how tough it is, what a toll it will take on you, your whole family, and prioritize making it easier. It doesn't have to be as bad as it was the first time. You don't have to feel abandoned by DH. Paying for help will make you not hate him. Right now you're seeing all the negatives of knowing what you're getting into. But there are positives, you know what made it really hard & can plan to minimize that stuff.
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[-]You know, my friend and I made a very interesting observation recently when we met a divorced man who claimed that his ex-wife was depressed-- always either in a sad or bad mood. I wonder if most of our husbands would say that after we get divorced. I think my husband may...
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreIf I were to divorce my second husband...he'd tell everyone I was bat sh!t crazy. lol
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LOL. I'm incredibly high-strung but my 2nd husband knew it from the start, when we were dating. He said I'm the worst kind of maintenance. lol Because I think in my delusions that I'm low maintenance when I'm off-the charts high-maintenance. He's the complete opposite. If the man were any more calm, I'd have to check him for a pulse.
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well, if there was a divorce, it probably wasn't a happy marriage, and it's pretty hard to be a happy cheerful wife when you are in an unhappy marriage. So I imagine it's true in many cases
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[-]Can someone please tell me (Either from personal experience or someone you know) that having it's entirely possible to have a baby (or three) and still stay in great shape? Everywhere around me I seem to hear negative Nancy's telling me that babies ruin your body. When I tell people I intend to run throughout my pregnancy and afterwards (I'm a distance runner) they give me patronizing smiles as if to say, "just wait, we all said that...and now we're too tired to exercise and we've joined weightwatchers to ditch those 30 extra lbs"
49 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreEveryone is different. IME, the way you are prepregnancy is pretty much the way you will stay post pregnancy. I have always been a naturally fit, active person, and the weight literally fell off with zero effort from me (was also really depressed, so don't recommend that method!) the only I have noticed is that getting rid of belly skin/pooch is difficult and requires targeted effort (which I have not put in bc I can live with being skinny and having a little belly pooch). ignore everyone.
[ Reply | More ]I've always been tall and thin. I'm not worried about an extra 5-10 lbs or a pooch. I get a little worried though when I see friends who literally look like DIFFERENT women after babies. I know some women who gained upwards of 60 lbs DURING pregnancy and now carry an extra 50 lbs. That changes the entire way you look. I still love them as people, and I'm not trying to be mean. I just know that it would be hard for me to go through that
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IME naturally thin people easily return to being naturally thin again within 3 months. Women who always struggled to stay thin by closely watching calories and intense exercise, often have trouble getting back to that level of discipline and stay a bit chubby.
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Agree. I had no trouble losing baby weight within 10 wks both times. I will say, though, that depending on your age, your skin may not snap back after #2 (or 3). With my first (age 35) mt tummy looked EXACTLY the same afterwards - like Giselle. After #2 (age 38) there is loose skin that will never go away...maybe if I had time to do hours of pilates but prob not even then. Maybe if I was still in my 20's...
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In general this is true. There are lots of exceptions in both directions - for some reason it's easier for me to keep my weight down (maybe chasing my active dd all the time) now than it was before I had her (she's 20 months). And I have friends who were ultra-fit who are not anymore - but I think you can ignore the negative Nancys and just wait and see your own body for yourself. Everyone is different.
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I'm the same size as I was pre-pregnancy. I'm not a thin person - 5'9" and a size 10 - I've been the same size for years and years and if I really wanted to, I could get down to a size 6. But I like ice cream and I'm reasonably comfortable at this size. So, to answer your question, I think you can absolutely have several children and look great. It's just about how much you want to work at it (same as before kids).
[ Reply | More ]I don't think you should just assume you will "run throughout my pregnancy and afterwards". I think friends may be reacting to that. If you had said "I intend to TRY to run as much as possible..." that would be more realistic. There's going to be a point where you can't. Eventually people DO get into great shape again, but it certainly helps if you have people around to cover taking care of the db because you will find that if you don't, THAT will completely exhaust you.
[ Reply | More ]I hope to run through the first 2 trimesters. 3rd...probably not. But I'm okay with that. I also realize sometimes women end up on bedrest and I understand that. I'm not going to go psycho if I can't run for a few months. I just would like to keep it up if I have a healthy pregnancy and I'm able to
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I would say that yes, you most definitely can stay in shape during and after your pregnancy, assuming you have a) a singleton pregnancy and b) no complications. That being said, I will agree with the negative Nancy's that pregnancy changes your body permanently, especially in the abdominal region (unless you are Gisele Bundchen or Miranda Kerr or some other freak of nature). I have known women who have gone off the deep end trying to stay in perfect shape during and after pregnancy, and I have to say, I find that kind of disturbing and sad. Yes, I have worked hard to get back into decent shape after giving birth to twins (and gaining 60+ pounds while pregnant), but that is definitely not my #1 priority in life. I think you will find tha...
[ Reply | More ]PS I have lost all 60 pounds, but my abdomen will never be the same. And I wear one size up in pants/skirts. Other than that, I am the same basic shape. Less time for exercise but I make do.
[ Reply | More ]I don't know - I have 2 and had them 18 months apart. My stomach looks good. I'm not small and have other problem areas (same one as before pregnancy) but still, my stomach looks good - it's flat, no stretch marks or lose skin. Now my ass, that's another story... but it
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I've had three. I found it really difficult to take off the baby weight and get back into shape with the last one. I'm older, my metabolism came to a stand still and I'm losing muscle tone faster. So it was harder for me to get back into shape with the third one but it can be done. It just will take some time. I took me about 19 months to lose 63 pounds. I do low carb to no carb but everyone I know who did WW, has had great success with it. I run hard 5 days a week and I HATE running. But I hate being heavy more. I also do weight training. I'm a big fan of women doing weight training. I try to mix it up by doing low weights, high reps and heavy weights, low reps. And, I do this in my house with tapes.
[ Reply | More ]I'm someone who gained 60 lbs while pregnant and is now struggling to get the last 20 lbs off (I'm 3 months post partum). My proportions, at least at this point, are completely different than they were pre-pregnancy. I also have ridiculous stretch marks now. That said, I've always struggled with my weight (I was thin but worked hard at it) and I'm not much of an athlete. The women I know who love to exercise and didn't gain excess weight while pregnant appear to return to their pre-baby bodies fairly quickly and I know people who didn't get a single stretch mark and have no wrinkled skin on their bellies after 2 kids.
[ Reply | More ]At 3 months pp your hormones are still shifting back. I EBF'ed and didn't get my period for 18 months. Around that time I also got my ass back - until then I had weird flat ass, which had never been a problem. My longtime best friend actually looked at me and said "oh you got your ass back!". My point is just that some body shape things can be hormonal and your proportions may change back to normal yet.
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I was in awesome shape during my pregnancy. I was logging miles on the treadmill at 39 weeks, and I credit exercise for an easy pregnancy/delivery. That said, I still had to take a break between weeks 16-23 and just do yoga because of bad sciatica pain. I'm 12w PP now and have 5lbs (of 25 gained) left to lose. I track my calories and work out 3x/week. Point being: if you have discipline, help from DH and/or others, a little luck and good genes, you will return to normal eventually. For others, it might be harder/longer.
[ Reply | More ]Everyone is different. First off, do you have any sisters? How bout your mom? How did they do post-pregnancy? Family is a good guide of how you will do. I always worked out, ran through most of the my first pregnancy (though not so much with my second b/c of hip and back pain) and the weight did NOT fall off. That said, it did all come off eventually with a lot of hard work. My body never was exactly the same (hips are still wider and for some reason my pre-pregnancy shirts are always too short now!), but definitely looks good. Had my second 8 months ago and have 7 pounds to go still but already looking decent (though not in my pre-prenancy clothes yet). You just have to make exercise a priority and be willing to sacrifice sleep for it :)
[ Reply | More ]Of course it is. What isn't possible, or is very unlikely, is to LOOK exactly the same, at least to yourself. Stretch marks and varicose veins happen regardless of fitness. Breasts tend to sag when you lose the extra weight (my As are kind of deflated, but for a year and a half of almost C cup breasts was worth it). But you can get back to same fitness level, and are unlikely to look any different from the outside. My sister got thinner after having DB. SIL is still a triathelete, looks terrific after 4 DC.
[ Reply | More ]I can tell you my experience. I have always been thin. 5'5" and 120 lbs. I have 3 DBs. I gained 50 with the first, 60 with the second and 70 with the third. After the first two they weight came off with ease - in about 3 or 4 months. With the third - well, I am still struggling. It has been over 2 years and I still have an extra 20 lbs. So, I don't agree if you were naturally thin you can assume no weight gain after childbirth.
[ Reply | More ]I second this. I was naturally thin before I gave birth, and I could eat whatever I wanted, never exercised... no problem. After my son was born I went from 105 to 115-120... could not get rid of those extra pounds unless I exercised an hour a day and really counted calories. It just wasn't worth it to me. After #2 I am now 123... same thing. I think having a child can change your setpoint. That said, if you have the time and the inclination you can definitely stay in shape. I think many people have to work really hard at it, though, and because your priorities often change you may not want to do all that work.
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Okay, a friend of mine, a distance runner, ran all the way through her pregnancy. I run also, but I am not the athlete she is. It bothered me to run, I couldn't stand the pulling sensation and wore a support that helped a bit. I decided to walk instead. I was 45 years old when I delivered and in two weeks I was back to weight. It fall off but I did breast feed. You can do it. Good luck!
[ Reply | More ]Who cares? Worry about having a healthy baby and making this world a better place for your kid to grow up in. Worrying about if a baby will ruin your body is disgusting and shallow. Think about how many women want kids and can't have them and your worried about if your body will be ruined. Sigh. How about learning to love your body no matter what size you are so that you can give that gift of self love and acceptance to your kids.
[ Reply | More ]I agree with the poster who says it depends on your baby. I worked out all through first pregnancy and had a kid who NEVER slept so I couldn't even think of exercising for the first 3-4 months. Never took off the last 7 lbs. With #2 I gained the same amt. of weight exercised but not at same intensity as first pregnancy and was back down to pp weight by 6 months. In part because db #2 slept and also because I think I started walking and thinking about the way I was eating sooner because of what I'd experienced with #1. I EBF'd both for over a year. The bfing made a difference with #2 but not with #1.
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[-]My 2 kids and I are vising a friend in Cape Cod for a whole week. She has 3 kids. What kind of gift would be appreciated?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreI would take an enormous basket of fun things to do: board games, craft sets, art supplies, movies, etc.
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If people come to stay with me, I do not want a gift. More junk for the junk closet. And your idea of a nice wine might not be my idea of a nice wine. Take us out for lunch or dinner a couple of times. Save me from cooking! That would be great!
[ Reply | More ]ditto. that OP is asking means she's probably a good guest. get stuff for lunches, make them up for all DC. wash/prep stuff for salads, or cut up veg sticks so it's easier to eat healthy. make iced tea. try not to ask a lot of question about where things are, look around first. see if there are any joyless housekeeping/gardening chores you could help with one morning. it's great that you're going, i'm sure she's glad to have the company, esp if kids play well together. jealous, have fun!
[ Reply | More ]np ITA. And buy a case of decent wine. If, for some reason, your hosts hate your taste, they have wine for dinner parties or to regift or whatever. My sil came with her family of 3 kids and dh for a week and gave us 3 dish towels. Bought one lunch for maybe $50. Didn't pitch in at all. Didn't darken the door of a supermarket, farmstand or liquor store even once. It was very clear we we were the source of a free vacation. Don't be THAT guest...
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Friend lent us a house on the Cape. I sent a telescope as a thank you. I think it was a great idea.
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[-]Spinoff: Why do people with *important* jobs think they are busier and more important than other people?
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My SIL continuously tells us that she the only one that "really" works. Hysterical to me as we all have jobs that are well known to be very demanding. She always pulls the sh!t that the annoying SIL post OP wrote. Sometimes she doesn't show up at all, sometimes she comes late. Always drama, all the time. It's terrible. I could entertain this board for DAYS with the crap that has gone on...
[ Reply | More ]I don't think I'm busier than other people. I think it's about families operating differently. Yes, people should RSVP for gatherings in a timely manner, but with family there is a bit more flexibility. With DH's family, at least with his older sister, there is none. Different strokes for different folks. I'm pretty flexible when I have events, and I'm understanding when people have an insane schedule or a non-traditional schedule, so I don't sweat no-shows or surprise attendees to a bar-b-cue or little kid plastic pool party. But everyone is different and that's cool.
[ Reply | More ]It's all in how you phrase the original post. You sound perfectly reasonable now, but came off like a bit of an ass on the other one. Regardless, I think this has nothing to do with RSVPing and everything to do with your relationship with SIL. I have an sil from Hell, so I get this.
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I totally agree with this! I am a WAHM and have client calls, etc scheduled throughout the day. We were in the process of renovating part of our place and contractors would just flake out and not show up, show up hours late, etc. because they thought I was a SAHM. At a certain point I became frustrated and told them that if they don't come within 30 minutes of when they said they would, we need to reschedule because I work, they all said things like "I didn't know you had a job" or "I thought you just stayed at home" I felt bad for actual SAHM because it implies their time isn't valuable and they should be able to sit around all day waiting on a plumber to show up.
[ Reply | More ]That's crazy. I don't care if a person was sitting home sunning themselves and sucking down hot wings all day. If I'm paying you to do a job, you abide by the terms of the contract or you are so fired. Now if my BIL the accountant flaked on me, I'd be mildly annoyed but hey.... He's my BIL and he's doing me a favor. lol
[ Reply | More ]Unfortunately, it has nothing to do with being a SAHM or not -- this is some weird way of working that contractors/plumbers/service people have that infuriates me. They don't think they have to behave in a normal businesslike manner and show up when they say. Worse, they don't even call to let you know -- they just figure you don't mind waiting around for hours and hours just to find out the workman isn't showing up that day. I wish more people didn't put up with this so they didn't think they could get away with it. But they obviously do, with no repercussions.
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[-]Manhattan moms with cars please help. We just got a car that we use only on weekends and wondered what the tipping etiquette is with the garage attendants. Our plan was to tip at Xmas but there seems to be one guy that expects a tip every time he gets the car and he seems pissed when we don't tip. Thing is I don't want to feel forced into tipping him, especially because he isn't very nice and we always wait for our car despite calling in advance. Would love your thoughts TIA.
21 replies [ Reply | Watch | Moretip every time, but keep it low - $2 or such. If you use it only 8-10 days a month that is costing you at most $120/year for peace of mind. garages often have high turnover and tipping each time is more common than just xmas.
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I use my car everyday and discovered quickly that if I didn't tip everytime, even just two bucks, my car got mysterious dings and was never available even when I asked for it the night before. So now I tip everyday, at pick up and drop off, two dollars each time. At Christmas, the tip is lower than it would have been if I hadn't been doing daily tips - just $20 per person, $40 for the manager. This works out great - now my car is pristine, it's right there waiting for me every morning, and everyone smiles and loves me. Sad to say that this is such a tip-culture, but it works...
[ Reply | More ]i'm the poster below. ita. it's such a tip-culture here in america. you do what you have to do to make your life easier!
[ Reply | More ]This is not the case in the entire US. NY and maybe (?) some other big cities, but I live in the midwest and we do not tip every service person we encounter. Waiters, bartenders, hairdressers, shuttle drivers (only if they handle your luggage) and taxi drivers. I think that's about it. In NYC everyone has their hand out for a tip.
[ Reply | More ]np In the midwest, you're liking parking your own car. These garage guys take your car and park it--right next to (practically touching) other cars. Windows are generally left down and they climb through them to get to the car at the end to exit. If you don't tip, you're way more likely to end up with scratches on paint or footprints on your seats.
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my motto is "tip only if you receive a good service". people think being tipped is an automatic addition, but i don't think so. if you don't receive a pleasant service, why should i tip? that's my attitude.
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np This is the only thing that makes sense. If you're going to tip one way, tip on the way IN. You're saying, "hey, George, be careful with my car--thanks". Tipping at the holidays is useless. Would imagine the manager pockets most tips for himself.
[ Reply | More ]If you only tip on the way in, then you better not be a regular because they're not going to be that nice to you next time around. Don't hand the Christmas cards/tips over to the manager - each guy gets his own envelope, a handshake and a good look at who you are and which car you drive.
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we tip $2 every time we take car out and also give Xmas bonus to all of the attendants (I think there are 4 of them).
[ Reply | More ]meant to mention that the garage in which we park our car happens to be in our building (it's still operated by a private company and we pay about $450 a month to house car there), and it's not that big and occasionally we get the car ourselves and wave to the attendants, since they know us. No tipping when that's the case, obviously.
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[-]Annoying sister in law story. DH's brother invited us to his house for a Father's Day BBQ with the family. DH is an attorney who works ALOT. DH did not make a decision until Father's Day morning when his dad asked if we were going. We decided to go. It just got back to me that my SIL is angry with our "lack of timely notice" to go to their house. She had hamburgers and hot dogs!! For 6 adults and 4 kids! How hard is it?
55 replies [ Reply | Watch | Moreshe needed something to complain about I guess...I can get this way sometimes - yah, it's no big deal, but it is nice to know who is coming so you have enough food and not have to run out the day of to make sure you do
[ Reply | More ]Don't sweat it. I have a SIL like this and I always tell my DH....you know how your sisters is about RSVPing so make a decision and get back to her before she gets all attitudinal. lol
[ Reply | More ]In the grand scheme of hot dogs and cole slaw it's essentially not a big deal, though as said knowing how much to buy is helpful. But since when is having manners only done so the SIL does get "all attitudinal"? "lol"
[ Reply | More ]I don't see it about having manners. I see as that I'm very busy and so it my DH and we work long, non-traditional hours, which my SIL knows and sometimes we can't give a yes or a no until the last minute. It sucks, but that's how it is. So we either say, no, we can't attend right away. And, of course she gets an attitude or we say we can't let her know until the day of or the day before and she gets an attitude. My other SIL is pretty laid back about gatherings and so it my family. We can't help the hours we work.
[ Reply | More ]thank you-she can't handle anything last minute-when it happens to me (she has my inlaws RSVP for her) I just buy extra and have left overs-she only bought "enough"
[ Reply | More ]I'm confused. You really don't know until the day of the event whether you'll be working that day?
[ Reply | More ]Pretty much. I also don't know how tired I'll be the night before. I might think my day will end at a reasonable time only to have to do another 6 hours of overtime. When we have downtime, we tell her immediately if it's a yay or a nay, but it gets tricky when we're working. And, because she's always in a snit about RSVPing, when we're busy, we just tell her no, immediately because we don't want the hassle. Which is why I get on my DHs cases and say...you know your sister...call her or send her a quick text.
[ Reply | More ]You do realize that everyone is busy, correct? No one knows how tired they will be the night before an event. Anybody could have to work really late the night before. She's not a "snit" about RSVPing, she is a normal human being that understands etiquette. Trust me, you are not the two hardest working people on the entire planet. Everyone else manages to RSVP.
[ Reply | More ]please be open to the possibility that you two really are the problem here. it's just not that hard to rally and go over, even if you're tired from a long work day. having a demanding job, being tired, doesn't entitle you to jerk people around.
[ Reply | More ]You guys need to pump your breaks. I said that if we are busy, we RSVP immediately with a no, as we've learned our lesson in the past that she doesn't like last minute replies or attendance.
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Yes, I have as my family does things a little differently. My mom or my friends have never been strict on RSVPing. But everyone works differently. I though DH's sister was laid back like he is, but she's not and that's cool. Different strokes for different folks. So we RSVP immediately or as timely as possible when it comes to her gatherings.
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Oh, and, you don't "pretty much" not know if you'll be working that day, as far as I can tell from your response, you just "pretty much" don't know if you'll feel like going. Those things are not the same.
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When I had a friend whose life was just too "crazy" to RSVP I just assumed she wasn't coming. Your SIL is entitled to an RSVP if that's what she wants. Okay so her style of entertaining is not a big deal to you, perhaps your DH's job/schedule is not such a big deal to her.
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look you can choose to be offended or not here. It is not an undue burden to RSVP and some hosts prefer to know who is coming (it can be a form of social anxiety or introversion, I personally need to psyche myself up for lots of people in my house - but it's also a totally normal request). Your SIL does not need to be the exact same person as you.
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Was there some danger that DH was going to be working on father's day? Or not have the energy to get in a car to go get fed, and have his kids entertained at someone else's house?
[ Reply | More ]I often host the family, and it's nice to know how many are coming. I've had no-shows and then I have tons of extra food go to waste. Last minute decisions mean last minute runs to the store- difficult when setting up for company. I would have offered to bring a few dishes if I was coming at the last minute. You could pick up fruit salad, pasta salad, etc. on your way over!
[ Reply | More ]maybe she would have invited other people if you weren't coming. If someone invites you to their house, it's annoying if they don't let you know that they're coming until the morning of. Maybe she only had burgers and hot dogs because she didn't get notice that she was having company until the last minute.
[ Reply | More ]If you did this to me, I would resent it. I get that this is the way that your lives work and you and DH are used to it. She, obviously, is not, and I think you are forgetting that this sort of behavior -in the absence of these mitigating job concerns, which you can't expect everyone to understand or accept - feels like a "snub". It's not just knowing how many hamburgers and hot dogs to buy. Maybe she wanted to do something nicer but didn't want to go through the effort only to have you not show, maybe kids or others kept asking her if you were coming and she kept having to say, I don't know, I don't know. You are acting like DH's job is the most important thing here (and by extension, your family), and forgetting that, at face value, ...
[ Reply | More ]attorney here: I do not do this to people and I would be annoyed if someone did this to me. You and your DH are self centered. If you are not sure if you can attend you should have replied "no." It's not fair to do this to someone. Your SIL is right and I'm surprised she didn't tell you not to even bother coming at all. She probably just feels bad for your kids.
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If I were the SIL, I would have been fine-- because I am accommodating when it comes to these things. However, I do know that it does screw me up if I only bought 4 adult portion of food and you show up. OR, if I had 6 people portion food and if you don't show up, I have all those leftovers that can rot in the fridge.
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