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[+] I like to come on here to see stories of women who met, married, and started families... 24 replies
- Married at 38. Followed by tears of infertility, IVF txs, and finally pg. via donor egg at 45 = healthy, lovely dc. I say, don't waste a moment trying to conceive after you're married because you never know how long it might take....
Talk : : June 13, 2011
I like to come on here to see stories of women who met, married, and started families after age 35. My life hasn't yet gone in that direction and I'm starting to feel like it's all over and I'm too old to hope...more stories welcome!!
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.13.11, 12:22 PM Flag ]Don't worry. It will all work out. I just said to DH the other day. I wish I hand't spent most of my 30's stressed out about my personal life. I could have had so much more fun, if only I had trusted that things would work out the way I wanted them too. My story...met DH (through on-line dating) in Sept of '06. I was 38.5yo. Engaged in Oct of '07. Married Apr '08 (one month before my 40th birthday). Pregnant one month later. Had DC#1 in '09 and DC#2 in '10 (I was 42.5yo). If you had told me at my 38th birthday that four and a half years later I would have met the man of my dreams, be married and have the two most beautiful children (one boy, one girl no less) I would never ever have believed you. It can happen. Enjoy yourself now. The happier you are the more people you attract, the more connections you make the more likely you are to meet "him". It'll all work out.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:40 PM FlagI wonder if the worst part is the feeling of failing somehow -- like at my age (37), I should have accomplished these things already. And the second worst part is hoping it can still happen. It's like still believing in Santa Claus.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:50 PM FlagI totally get that. But really this isn't something you have complete control over so you shouldn't consider it failing. Failing would be staying in a hopeless relationship or marrying someone you know is bad for you just to be married. It can happen and it will happen. Just keep putting yourself out there. Control what you can (network, use dating services, whatever you're comfortable with) and have faith in the rest.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:57 PM Flagand in the mean time consider yourself lucky to not be in a bad relationship.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 12:58 PM Flag
Married at 38. Followed by tears of infertility, IVF txs, and finally pg. via donor egg at 45 = healthy, lovely dc. I say, don't waste a moment trying to conceive after you're married because you never know how long it might take.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:00 PM FlagIt can happen. I decided to adopt DD when I was 37 as a single mom b/c I had given up on getting married. Met DH while I was in the process, we got married when I was 39 and have been together for 5 years now. Didn't happen like I would have hoped or expected but it's all great now. Looking back I don't think I was proactive enough about dating. Make sure to let people know you want to get married and have kids. Do online dating. Whatever it takes. It's harder to meet people when you're past your 20's and everyone is working. If people give you crap about being desperate , only wanting a man ignore them. It's OK to want a husband and a family. GL!
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:04 PM FlagMet at 37, married 38, DB 39. Now 41. Very happy. Got online (match, eharmony, veg singles), and was clear in profile and who i was seeking that i was looking for marriage, kids. ruled out many (obvious chip on shoulder about ex-wives, seemed like addicts). Dated a bunch. A few oddballs, a couple of drunks, and more than one closet case (met a few nice guys who won't come out to themselves, let alone anyone else, until their parents die, RC). Also some nice, together guys. Online is a total PITA, but you have to make it a priority, and spend the time.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:11 PM Flag-
um...not really making a case for online dating...Is that how you met your husband?
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:35 PM Flagnot OR but it is how I met mine. I did Match, Yahoo personals, EHarmony, Chemistry, 5minute dating, networked with friends and It's Just Lunch. I treated it like a second job. I had high standards, didn't waste a lot of time emailing back and forth, nixed people if I had a negative gut reaction. It was alot of work and a total PITA. But I met DH through Match.com and 4years late am happily married with two kids.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:41 PM FlagOR: yes, sorry. met DH. i did not meet men through work, and i worked all the time. i don't want to make online sound like fun, it takes a lot of time and effort. but, for me, worth it. also think making the effort to meet people gets you meeting more people. you meet someone for coffee or drink or whatever, then you already look nice, aren't home collapsing after a long day. so it's easier to go ahead and meet a friend for dinner, go to a talk, etc...
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 01:50 PM FlagNP: Also met DH online in my 30s and I agree...it often wasn't fun (I also wasn't someone who loved dating...I liked being in a relationship, but I didn't especially enjoy the beginning stages). Be clear from the get-go that you're looking for marriage and DC. Life is about timing, I probably didn't put myself out there enough in my 20s/early 30s...but I love my DH (usually, haha!) and my DC and I'm happy with how things have turned out.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 02:51 PM Flag
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Met - 32; Married - 38, DC - 46. Planning on being Child Free, but decided to keep DS when he mysteriously appeared.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 04:48 PM Flag-
I have nothing against online dating, and have done it off and on in the past. But the truth is, for me, it just doesn't work out. I'm honestly not sure why, as it's not like guys don't ask me out 'in real life', but while I have plenty of friends who met their husbands online, it just always backfired for me...So i'm a bit wary of that route, but according to the posts here I shouldn't be. It's just *so* disheartening, and because of my age, it's like guys over 50 who respond.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 05:18 PM Flag
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[+] Another ngeative HPT, so sick of secondary infertility. And, really don't want anymor... 4 replies
- Sorry it really does suck. The finanical, emotional strain and beating your body takes on meds etc is brutal. I tried IVF 8 times for #2. #2 is now amost a year and it truley Blessing except now I feel old. But if I had to do it over I would. Hang in there. You had one and should be able to have #2 with some help....
Talk : : June 13, 2011
Another ngeative HPT, so sick of secondary infertility. And, really don't want anymore stuff done to my body. Ok, needed to vent.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.13.11, 03:58 AM Flag ]Sorry it really does suck. The finanical, emotional strain and beating your body takes on meds etc is brutal. I tried IVF 8 times for #2. #2 is now amost a year and it truley Blessing except now I feel old. But if I had to do it over I would. Hang in there. You had one and should be able to have #2 with some help.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:25 AM Flag
[+] Moms - if you could do your career over, what would you do? I am married, haven't ha... 32 replies
- thanks, that is great - congrats. the debt is probably more of an issue. and also the fact that I am doing IVF and haven't had children yet!...
- I hadn't either. No IVF but had #1 while in school, now working on #2 and will try to write my dissertation while pregnant....
Talk : : June 12, 2011
Moms - if you could do your career over, what would you do? I am married, haven't had kids yet (want 3)/haven't settled on a career and want to make the right decisions now. TIA!
32 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.12.11, 06:56 PM Flag ]-
Great question, and I'm surprised how many women don't think about this. Choose a career that is possible to shift to a part-time option for awhile when you need to. Maybe when kids are young, maybe when they're older, maybe the whole time. Maybe you will never go to part time, but it's nice to know that it is a possibility, that you can have a career and be available during some daytime hours. Healthcare is great for that.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:03 PM FlagWhat do you mean "many women don't think about is?" Most of us "chose" our careers BEFORE we thought about having kids or even met our DH.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:21 PM FlagRight and because of that fact she means that women don't think about the fact they may want to balance motherhood with their career one day.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:25 PM FlagOR - exactly. I thought about this work/family balance thing when choosing both careers I've had. I thought about about the same way you would investigate earning potential, etc, just another criteria. So I'm always kind of surprised by women who are gobsmacked by the reality of jobs that don't allow for this balance.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:28 PM Flagnp: ITA! I am flabbergasted by women who act so naive about the challenges of work/life issues and didn't anticipate them when selecting a career path.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:37 PM Flaghuh, when I chose my career is was SINGLE - I never assumed I would have a family and at that point just thought about what would be fulfilling to me. Most 21 year olds dont think about sacrificing anything for their future children at that point
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:44 PM FlagAgreed, and I think that is a shame. Because the result is young women work incredibly hard to prove themselves in a field they like in their 20s, then hit a point where they'd like to be able to continue to work less intensely so they can be available for their families and not be marginalized at work. I was single/childless in my early 20s as well, but the life balance issue was something I considered, even demanded, of a career path that was worth pursuing.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:49 PM Flag
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thanks, that is great - congrats. the debt is probably more of an issue. and also the fact that I am doing IVF and haven't had children yet!
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:10 PM FlagI hadn't either. No IVF but had #1 while in school, now working on #2 and will try to write my dissertation while pregnant.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:13 PM Flag-
Good luck to you. Best advice I ever heard when I weighed going back to school and hemmed and hawwed over the "I'll be X years old by the time I'm done" issue...someone said - you'll be 40 one day anyway. Would you rather be 40, or 40 with a PhD? That helped me see that age really wasn't an issue. Finances, of course, are.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:20 PM Flag
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[+] Anyone here do IVF at Cornell? I just started and am really unhappy with how unrespo... 54 replies
- one problem I had was that the idiot dr. at nyu (a woman) consistently blew timing and other things even before IVF, then with IVF she OVER-stimmed me, I had crazy number of eggs but in the end who cares, kept failing, cornell said we...
- Three Cornell IVF babies here. I know it's hard, but really put your faith in them and put your own needs aside. Yes, they...
Talk : : June 12, 2011
Anyone here do IVF at Cornell? I just started and am really unhappy with how unresponsive my doctor is. Is it worth switching to NYU, or can I still be successful despite having a doctor that is hard to reach. Thanks
54 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.12.11, 04:56 PM Flag ]I did and I HATED every minute of my 2.5 yrs there. Stressful environment, looooong waits, miserable techs/office people, too busy nurses, cocky, busy doctors who did get back to me w/in a day but it felt like a favor every time. Plus, NO success. Went to NYU. LOVED it even though no success at first, then pregnant!!! LOOOOOVE NYU, even when it was a failed cycle they are the best in the biz imo.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:00 PM FlagOP - oh so good to hear. I don't want to waste any time. Do you think Dr. Licciardi is good? I had had a consultation with him (was hard to decide between him or Cornell) so would probably just go back to him.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:03 PM FlagI will just say that my experience was the reverse and I wasted a full year at NYU, then had success at Cornell. Maybe every lab is different for every person, maybe it just is a matter of when you get lucky, but for me NYU was a disaster and my dr there (don't want to say name, but a woman) was horrible - nice but really blew it with me, screwed up my protocol and missed things repeatedly.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:13 PM Flagthats funny b/c I had the complete reverse of her experience at cornell
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:18 PM Flag
Cornell lab is better imo. It is a zoo, you must stay on top of things, but I think it is better than NYU. Of course, that may be because I had multiple failures at NYU and success first time at Cornell! (Who is your dr.? Some there are more immediately accessible than others.)
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:11 PM Flag-
Oh, yeah, rosenwaks is the worst that way, all PR and zero availability. If there is ANY way you can switch, Owen Davis is THE BEST - try to come up with a reason that will not mean Davis is going against his colleague.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:14 PM FlagUgh I don't know about switching - I want to ask. Do you think even though Dr. R isn't getting back to me, he is still going to be on top of my protocol? I am not so worried about having to stay on top of them, just don't want a doctor who is completely distracted that he messes up my treatment.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:18 PM Flagthey do work as a team so once protocol set hard to mess up but i find it infuriating that he does not get back to you, not ok and i have heard that of him before, does he answer email? he seeks out celebs, kind of gross. i would email or call owen davis and just act like since you know they are a team have some questions - maybe try that? or just make an appointment with him under a different name? sorry not sure, let me think
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:21 PM FlagI had to have a hysteroscopy before starting - and since Dr. R doesn't do them, Dr Schatmann did it and I thought he was great - and he does take my insurance (dr. R does not) so I"m thinking of switching and using insurance as an excuse. As far as getting ahold of Dr. R - I left 1 message , they said he would call back the next day and he did not. I called back and again they told me he would call me back, he did not. Called again and threatened to switch to NYU and they finally put him on the line. Maybe once I start the cycle it will be better but my experiences in the last couple of months have been horrible.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:26 PM Flagthe last thing you need when cycling is MORE stress. thats not right. talk about adding fuel to the fire. leave.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:30 PM FlagHe is odd personally I found but once you start the cycle, they are very on top of things. My first cycle was successful...I had an issue that necessitated a major change in protocol in the middle and not only did he catch it, he really talked me through it. I never had a problem with call backs and when I needed an appointment several years later (wanted second child), they fit me in right away.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:10 PM Flag
Np: Isn't there an RN assigned to work with you, get answers to your questions, etc?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:27 PM FlagOP: no I haven't been assigned a nurse yet - but maybe I will when I start the cycle/shots. Have an appointment in 2 weeks to check to make sure I'm good to go... Have to decide between now and then whether I should stick with it, see if a different dr. will take me there OR if should go to NYU.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:33 PM Flag
congrats on preg but cornell lab is not better imo, actually and its measured in the fact that most transfers are day 3 which is not ideal. they do not know how to culture to Day 5 (and do not say that). I learned that from a Embryologist who trains across the county.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:15 PM Flaghmm, never heard that, but may depend on age, have heard that for older women it is better to get the blasts back in sooner rather than later due to fragility, but i don't know. just know cornell worked for me twice and two DCs to show for it, after a lot of wasted time and tears shed failing over and overt at nyu.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:18 PM Flagand thats what they TELL you... day 5 transfers are better... BUT its better for THEM to get them back into woman faster b/c THEY dont know how to culture them to day 5. you see? its the spin. they better get them in b/c their lab cant culture to 5 as well. congrats on 2 DCs. Guess its different for everyone. My years at cornell were a disaster.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:23 PM Flag
Np: the day 3 vs day 5 also has to do with how your lining is doing--I got cancelled once bec lining wasn't right. Went on to get PG in 2d cycle. Where does this embryologist recommend?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:30 PM Flagtrue but realize that nyc has exactly the opposite % of day 3 vs day 5 transfers as cornell. they are proud to say that most go to Day 5 unless very very poor results. Not b/c the sample of women is different, but b/c they have the better lab to take most to Day 5. the embryologist was the one who said NYU was far better but cornell just talks themselves up better.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:35 PM FlagMaybe so, one problem I had was that the idiot dr. at nyu (a woman) consistently blew timing and other things even before IVF, then with IVF she OVER-stimmed me, I had crazy number of eggs but in the end who cares, kept failing, cornell said we are going for quality over quantity, stimmed me less, result is currently trying to not go to bed.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:47 PM Flaghmm - this is why I switched to Cornell, because I previously cycled at a smaller private clinic and was overstimmed (50 eggs) and ended up in the hospital with OHSS. I liked in my consultation that rosenwaks said he would start me very low dosage and long cycle, quality over quantity. I just didn't like subsequent communication issues with him. I think I will try to stick it out a few cycles and see how it goes. thanks for your input!!
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 05:59 PM Flag
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Cornell is the top clinic. Not worth switching to NYU IMO. Maybe SIRM or CCRM, but NYU does not have the same caliber lab as Cornell. Your problem is your dr. Rosenwaks not a good choice, as he is too busy to be on top of his patient's case. Always better not to go w/ the director of the clinic. Davis is amazing for AMA or high FSH. Schattman is an unbelievable surgeon for structural issues. Also, Kang, Chung and Spandorfer are on top of their cases. Had a bad experience w/ Goldschalg, but I think that was a one off. See if you can switch. What are your issues/age?
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 06:45 PM FlagHi. This process is difficult enough. I too was at Cornell and hated it. Loved my nurse, but really didn't like my RE (Cholst). We switched to NYU, where we saw KEefe - liked him very much. However, we moved to SIRM-NY, with Dr. Tortoriello, because he uses a different protocol, especially with older moms to be. (he believes strongly that Menopur can compromise oder eggs.) BEcause we wanted a totally new approach, we moved to Dr. T. And he's WONDERFUL. Very kind, warm and responsive - and a great lab. Also - he sees every patient himself. No interns, residents, attendings, etc. He makes every decision himself, based on first hand exam. Good luck!
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:05 PM Flagthanks for sharing... everyone has such different experiences it's hard to know if I'm doing the right thing!
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 07:08 PM FlagHaving been to Cornell, NYU and now SIRM, one of the main differences I saw was in general clinical approach. If I had to generalize, Cornell is one the mosre conservative end of the spectrum, so they may not do as well with the more difficult (and oldest) cases. I thought Dr. KEefe was somewhere in the middle (although still a big proponent of the Menopur, even in older women. SIRM uses treatments and protocols that are a bit more agressive in some ways and conservative in others. For example, Cornell/NYU use Menopur with older women, whereas SIRM believes strongly that the FSH too early in a cycle can (but will not necessarily) compromise eggs quality in older women. Also, SIRM conducts immune testing as a threshhold matter. NYU/Cornell do not. SIRM offers CGH testing (a form of genetic testing of the embryo that examines all 23 pairs of chromosomes), as opposed to Cornell/NYU's version, PGD (which only examines a portion of the 23 pairs of human chromosomes). Unlike Cornell (where my RE referred to it as "charlatanism"), both SIRM and NYU encourage acupuncture. Ultimately, we decided to stick with SIRM because we were at the end of the journey, having been at it for a few years and suffered several losses. And lastly - and very importantly, you may or may not have already started hearing about freezing embryos. There are two methods (1) conventional (a slow freeze method that tends to create little crystals that can injure the embryo upon thawing, thereby explaining the difference in success rates between frozen and fresh transfers) and (2) vitrification (quick freeze method that is so quick that doesn't tend to produce these crystals). The success rates for fresh embryos vs vitrified embryos are essentially identical. SIRM uses vitrification, whereas Cornell and NYU are still using the conventional, slow-freeze method. We figured we should try a different approach if we wanted to maximize our chances of a different outcome. All of this said, obviously each clinic has its pros and cons. It depends on your situation and your taste. I'm not an embryologist, so I don't know one lab from the next, but jugding from stats alone, I'd say all three are comparable.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 04:01 AM FlagDarn: It looks like my message was too long so it was cut off. Here is the rest: (1) NYU/Cornell freeze embryos using conventional slow-freeze method, which tends to produce embryo damaging crystals when thawed. SIRM uses vitrificaiton, which is a newer quick freeze method that results in virtually identical fresh vs frozen embryo transfers. (2) SIRM conducts immunology screening routinely. NYU/Cornell do not. (3) SIRM/NYU encourage acupuncture. At Cornell, my RE referred to acupuncture as "charlatanism."
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 04:06 AM FlagSo, I think all three (Cornell, NYU and SIRM) have their pros and cons and they cater and appeal to different patient populations. They all have top flight labs, they just use differnt approaches. I really appreciate that Dr. Tortoriello conducts every single exam himself. At NYU and Cornell, my lining was 8mm one day and 7 the next, and 9 the following day, depending on who was measuring. My follicle counts also fluctuated depending on who was measuring. Dr. T. does it all himself. I do wish we had found SIRM earlier in the process. Best of luck to you.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 04:10 AM FlagSorry - one other big difference: should you decide to do genetic testing on the embryos, NYU/Cornell use the PGD method, which tests only a portion of the 23 human chromosomes. SIRM uses the CGH approach, which tests all 23 pairs of chromosomes. My first m/c would have been picked up by CGH, but not by PGD, because the chromosome pair that was faulty would not have been tested via PGD.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 04:48 AM Flag
Three Cornell IVF babies here. I know it's hard, but really put your faith in them and put your own needs aside. Yes, they don't spend a lot of time holding your hand and answering questions. That part isn't ideal, but their lab can't be beat and their numbers speak for themselves. In this one case you want to be a faceless number. This is a science.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:36 PM Flag
[+] I think I won't be able to have another child and it breaks my heart. 18 replies
- did you try iui or ivf? iui is not intrusive...
Talk : : June 11, 2011
I think I won't be able to have another child and it breaks my heart.
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.11.11, 07:55 PM Flag ]-
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I'd love to, but it's a no go for DH. I agree though, I love the idea of adoption.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 07:59 PM FlagHave you considered having dh discuss this option with a therapist? What about egg donor/surrogate, etc? Sorry, I know this is difficult. But it sounds like you have at least one child. Maybe you can volunteer with children. My friend did and ended up adopting a child she met through her work.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 08:07 PM Flag
I'm hoping i can have ONE! only 31 but a year of working on it, sad :( I don't even want to SEE kids anymore. I want to go into hiding until I get pregnant.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 08:40 PM FlagI'm sure you are tired of hearing people tell stories like this, but it took me over a year to conceive my second child, at 29. Then I got this book, take charge of your fertility, and conceived within 2 months. For me, I was just trying at inconvenient times I guess! Good luck to you. I remember being so jealous of all of my pregnant friends when I was trying.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 08:57 PM Flag
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I am with you. I am 39, 1 ds age 6. TTC for 3 years and gave up. Sadly, I could never adopt. But my ds is as nearly perfect child as there could be, so with a kid like that, I feel complete.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 09:09 PM FlagSo sorry to hear this, I am able to have children but only wanted one. I find myself often telling people this who also have one child and then they give me a look sometimes which indicates that having one was not their choice and they wish they could have had more. I feel terrible when this happens- Just hang in there, and remember that anything could happen and your one child will bless you with so many wonderful memories!
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 10:55 PM Flag
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[+] Just ut of curiosity, do you know of any OBs who specialize in donor egg pregnancies?... 5 replies
- no, why would they? Donor egg pregnancies have the same risks, etc. as any pregnancy. In fact, they are often lower risk than regular IVF pregnancies because the egg is younger....
Talk : : June 11, 2011
[+] Single gal here, and need some advice. Recently started dating a wonderful guy. He h... 40 replies
- Better to marry and have kids now, while you're still young and strong, rather than bitter and struggling with IVF at age 37...
Talk : : June 11, 2011
Single gal here, and need some advice. Recently started dating a wonderful guy. He has been pursuing me relentlessly for years, but finally things clicked, and we got together. I am thrilled with the relationship. He is amazing and I can't believe that I wasted all that time on inferior men. He is clearly the one for me. We've been together for two months and things are getting very serious. I know that he wants to propose, but I am a little bit nervous, a little anxious. I know that we are a perfect match, but I am scared about giving up my single life. Any advice on how to get through this?
40 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.11.11, 03:46 PM Flag ]You are about to marry someone you just meet and bring them into your home with DC's. Are you Nuts!!!!!!
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 03:48 PM FlagI don't have children. And I've known him for over 10 years.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 03:49 PM Flag
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Sorry, but why is this fake? I've been reading this board for a while, and I think can spot a fake. I have no clue what I wrote that would make you think it's fake. Is my situation really so impossible? And who the hell would make something like this up? It's so mundane.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 03:57 PM Flag
I'd take it slower. You are both young and you need some time together to figure it out. You'll know what to do in a few months.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 04:01 PM FlagI agree with this. I'm 27 and single, so I get it. But take your time and make sure. Since you've known him so long, you won't need as long as you would with someone you just met, of course. GL!
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 04:20 PM FlagI agree too, however, if you two are really a great match, why pass it up? Maybe just have a long-ish engagement. Have you ever had a serious long term relationship?
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 04:29 PM FlagOP - That's right, that's how I feel. It's not like he is a total stranger I met in a bar 2 months ago. He's seen me at my worst. We already have a solid friend foundation. But now everything just sort of clicked into place, and it's perfect. Still, I'm a little nervous. I've dated a lot of losers, and I'm generally a very pessimistic person.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 06:38 PM Flag
OP stop responding to the mean bitch posts. I suspect it is the same person harassing you over and over again. Just respond to the serious sounding posts.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 04:27 PM FlagSeriously, you've only been dating for 2 months. I *knew* DH was the one around then (and he says the same), but he didn't propose for 2 years, mostly because it is intimidating to give up the single life and be married, with all that entails. Even if your man does propose soon, there's nothing weird about just being engaged for 2 years.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 04:55 PM FlagOP - he is very serious, he talks about the future, says he wants to be together forever. I love him, but I am not as certain as he is. I think that he's been wanting this relationship for a very long time, and for me, it's really only became a possibility two months ago.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 05:16 PM Flag
I thought about that too, but then I realized there was no going back anyway. You can't keep the relationship and still be "free and single" at the same time. If you thought about it, you might realize that being single wasn't so brilliant anyway. Consider the aspects of single life you will miss. You can still do wild things, maybe even together.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 05:32 PM FlagOP - Thank you for posting this. It's not like I am missing having sex with other men, or dating, or anything like that. I love this relationship. Happiest I've ever been. It's just a big change, and for some reason I feel anxious. Probably normal. Also, I've had other serious relationships before, and the last one lasted a year. The guy talked about marriage too, but for some reason I didn't feel anxious like this, probably because I never imagined that I would ever be with him forever.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 05:36 PM Flag
I would be leary of a man who pursued me for years. It sounds like he has an unrealistic view of you and what you can provide his life. Even if you've knows each other for 10years, you probably don't really know each other after daying a few months. Slow down
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 06:00 PM FlagOP - I think we know each other really well. It wasn't just a casual acquaintance. We were really good friends. He always made it clear how he felt about me, but he was always there for me as a friend too. In fact, when anything bad happened (car crash, awful break up, my dad's cancer) he was the one with me. So he knows me, but you are right in that he doesn't know what it's like having a romantic relationship with me. But it's been pretty amazing so far. I feel like such an idiot for all the heartache I suffered. I should have said yes the very first time he asked me out (in high school!)
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 06:35 PM Flag
When you know, you know. I don't think there's too young or too old as long as you're adults. I got married at 21, after knowing my dh for a few weeks. It's been 15 years. We didn't have kids for the first 10, by choice. I think 26 is a good age to get married, especially if you want to wait a few years before having kids. Yes, single life is very different then married life. Different doesn't mean bad.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 06:50 PM Flag
[+] Any recommendations for a non-stressful job/career path that is doable even though I"... 15 replies
Talk : : June 11, 2011
Any recommendations for a non-stressful job/career path that is doable even though I"m trying to have kids now? I'm resigning from my job after much pressure, and haven't found any job posting yet that appeal to me. I have an MBA from a top school but am not looking to necessarily use it. The jobs I have had since graduating have been to high stress for what I can handle - I have also been doing IVF for the past year (failed) but at a new doctor and have hopes that it will work. I want to move into a career that will be sustainable with kids. Thanks
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.11.11, 01:46 PM Flag ]After I had kids I quit my high-stress corporate job and took a few years off. I got my teaching license, and when the kids got a bit older, got a job as a teacher. I love it. Best gig in the world. Rewarding, challenging, interesting, and also, very compatible with motherhood. You have to be able to take a severe cut in your HHI though.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 01:49 PM FlagOP here - thanks, what do you teach? Not concerned about HHI, having 1 sane/available parent is more important to me. The masters in ed is a 2 year program or is there a fast track option?
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 01:54 PM FlagOR: I teach math. You might be able to finish the MA in one year, or you might pursue the individual track to certification. You might have to take a few courses in education, but you will likely be able to use your undergrad and MBA credits to fulfill about 70% of the requirements.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 03:38 PM Flag
np: as a teacher don't you have to miss a lot of your own kids school stuff? Are you ever able to be there for their first day of school, their publishing parties, or chaperone their field trips? I imagine you can't do drop off or pick up so don't get to casually chat with the teacher or other parents.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 02:09 PM FlagOR: Yes, I do miss some stuff, but certainly not as much as I did when I was working a busy corporate job. Very lucky in that the school where I teach is very close to where we live (and where DCs go to school). They get home at 3:00 and I get home at 3:20. I can do drop-off on most mornings, but sometimes DH does it. I can use my personal days to attend certain school functions. But, I am not comparing teaching to being a SAHM. Obviously you get a lot more flexibility as a SAHM. I'm comparing it to high-stress 9-7 corporate jobs.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 03:40 PM Flag
[+] IVF moms: I am 6dp5dt and HPT is Negative. Any hope? Most women get positives by n... 4 replies
Talk : : June 11, 2011
[+] Help, my sister in law is a c&#t, I save that word for the worst. Anyway she treats m... 45 replies
- you know I know a few people who used their own eggs at 44-45 via ivf and had twins. Not all babies look like the parents. How embarrassing for OP if she did use her own eggs besides the fact that saying something like that is simply vile....
Talk : : June 11, 2011
Help, my sister in law is a c&#t, I save that word for the worst. Anyway she treats me and my family like crap and she thinks her family is the royal family. Anyway, my MIL, FIL worship her children and they have zero interest in ours. The thing is our kids are biologically ours where she was 44 yo pregnant the first time with twins and these kids look nothing like her at all. I mean they are white as white and she has the kinky hair dark feature. Would it be terrible if i just blurted it out during an argument that everyone knows she used an egg donor
45 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.11.11, 05:10 AM Flag ]that would be horrible for you to do. Who cares if they were conceived with a donor egg...who cares if they're adopted. The grandparents love them and that's all that counts. NOW do they love your dcs? I personally grew up hating my paternal grandparents. They showed ZERO interest in us and you know what? I didn't care..didn't bother me. WHY? Because my maternal grandmother gave us so much love it was enough to fill a void (if we felt there was a void)
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 05:47 AM FlagMy SIL is horrioble too. I can't stand her. She is fat, lazy and stupid. She wants everything handed to her on a silver platter and thinks my FIL should support her and buy her a new house because I work at a high paying job and she sits on her huge butt all day. That said, as awful as your SIL is, don't stoop to her level. She knows her kids were egg donor babies and it doesn't mean she loves them any less. Just deal with her the best you can and keep contact to a minimum. I fantasize about making cracks about my SIL's weight, but I force myself not to.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 06:29 AM Flag-
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woah, no need to swear at me, it was just a simple question.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 06:43 AM Flag-
Yes amazing how OP can think the word but not type it....so strange imo
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 06:46 AM FlagI saw a great bit with some comedian recently about how annoyed he gets by people typing/saying curse words in a censored fashion. Something about how it's unfair because they put the word in our head but don't take responsibility for saying it. In the context I heard it it was really funny, but is actually a very good point.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 08:07 AM Flag
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Why does it matter that she used an egg donor? Why would you say this? How do you even know that's what she did? My kids look nothing like me and I didn't use an egg donor. And that's all irrelevant as obviously this would be a completely immature and pathetic thing for you to do.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 08:08 AM FlagYou are awful. Do you really think you're better because your children are biologically your children? Who cares if her children were conceived using donor eggs--they are just as much her children as yours are yours.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 08:36 AM FlagI suggest you take a good, critical look at yourself and consider that maybe there's a reason your in-laws hate you.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 09:08 AM FlagI'm all for fighting shit with shit, but I draw the line at bringing children into it. My SIL is a "see you on tuesday" too but when I want to verbally slay her, I keep it between me and her but most times I just put her on ignore. She loves her children just as much as you love yours and she might smack the taste out of your mouth if you said something vile about them. And, you would deserve it. Fight fair or don't fight at all.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 11:56 AM FlagI would advise you to just step back and exhale. Write out your thoughts in a journal and let things be. No need to get embroiled into nastiness and create more negativity + animosity. Take a deep breath and let karma handle things if what your SIL has done is so terrible. After all, don't you think that by her not being able to have children with her own eggs is already a tough thing she might be dealing with.
[ Reply | More ]06.11.11, 12:03 PM FlagI am certain that this woman, as unpleasant as she may very well be, has not done anything that would warrant the display of cruelty and venom that your suggested *solution* would exhibit. And before you do such a thing - ask yourself whether this owuld be one of those proud moments you would be willing to play back to your children on a videotape.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 08:59 AM FlagDon't be the very same thing you are accusing her of being. If she is so cruel as to warrant such a reaction, then just stay away from her. If you are like just about every other NYC mom and you are religious about yoga - truly listen to the message next time.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 09:01 AM FlagLet's say she DID use an egg donor to build their family - what business is it of yours? Why is their method of conception any of your business. These are their children, end of story. Whether they adopted, used a donor or a surrogate, or took in a friend or relative's children who needed a home, these are their children. Sounds like you're the one with the problem, frankly.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 09:04 AM Flag
[+] I realize I'm grasping but here goes. Almost 1 month post miscarriage. Had severe pe... 3 replies
Talk : : June 10, 2011
I realize I'm grasping but here goes. Almost 1 month post miscarriage. Had severe period like cramps, no period. Negative preg test (10 dpo). Will start IVF next cycle, but feel a bit pregnant. Any chance?
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.10.11, 08:56 AM Flag ]-
Sit tight. It's certainly possible. Personal question: did you have a D and C? I only ask because sometimes hormone levels drop faster post- D and C- not always, of course. I had a D and C on December 21, and got a normal period on January 20, then on February 16 and now I'm 16.5 weeks (ish) pregnant. So it's possible. Good luck, keep some tests on hand, but do wait another day or two if possible.
[ Reply | More ]06.10.11, 10:02 AM Flag
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[+] Have been trying for #2 forever and at the end of the road for IVF w/ my own eggs. Ca... 4 replies
- Such a personal question. Personally, when IVF was not looking great for us we started down the adoption road. Yes, it is more complicated than donor eggs, but for us it was the right choice....
Talk : : June 09, 2011
[+] Did you wait a full 12 weeks before you started telling people you were pregnant? Wha... 16 replies
- lol. You're not alone. We told everybody. We were doing IVF, everybody knew it, so it was weird not to say anything. Would have been too much effort. Plus I really liked being optimistic enough to do that. Positive thinking is a good thing....
Talk : : June 09, 2011
Did you wait a full 12 weeks before you started telling people you were pregnant? What about family, close friends- when did you tell them?
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.09.11, 10:53 AM Flag ]-
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My mom after a few weeks both times. Told work around 3 months w/ both. I showed really early w/ #2 so I couldn't really keep a secret - people were starting to whisper. Just try to keep it quiet until you're ready to tell work - in the world of FB when things get out - they're out... networks intertwine..
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 11:06 AM Flag
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With my first told pretty much everyone around 8weeks, currently pregnant for the 3rd time this year and I'm holding off as long I can, don't think I'll make it to 12 weeks though - have ds's birthday and my birthday coming up in a few weeks and I'm sure it'll get out, dh doesn't get waiting.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 11:13 AM FlagAm I the only one who started making phone calls before the stick was dry?
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 11:15 AM FlagFirst time I told my family at 8 weeks, and the people at work at 10 weeks. I had a miscarriage 3 days later. The second time I waited until hearing the heartbeat at 9 weeks to tell my family. I told the people at work at 14 weeks. Now that i'm pg again, I'm going to tell family when I hear the heartbeat (have an appointment for 3 weeks from now which will be 8 weeks along) and tell work at 14 weeks.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 11:20 AM Flag
[+] Pregnant as a result of an affair. Would you tell the father? 61 replies
- Would you consider adoption ?? I'd love to have another baby and many other woman too - you'd be giving the gift of life to a family in need ( I was joking about my self as I'm in the process of ivf but ttc is so difficult for many families....
Talk : : June 09, 2011
Pregnant as a result of an affair. Would you tell the father?
61 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.09.11, 09:57 AM Flag ]Are you planning to keep the baby? Are you planning to continue the affair? If the answer is no to both, I wouldn't tell the father.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:00 AM Flag-
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no! If you abort you shouldn't tell him. http://beta.news.yahoo.com/jilted-ex-boyfriend-puts-abortion-billboard-194142831.html
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:50 AM Flag
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Yes, if I were not planning on having an abortion. I believe every child, (excluding those with donor-sperm) should know who there father is, have a chance to in their life. Now this doesn't mean that affair dad is going to step-up to the plate. But at least I could say I tried and tried to set something right out of something messy.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:04 AM FlagI'm not in a good place right now. I have been talking to a therapist, but still have issues to work out. Part of me wants to have the baby just to ruin his marriage/make him pay. I know these are the wrong reasons to have a baby. He was married and lied to me about it. I had no idea until his guilty conscience ended the affair.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:09 AM Flag-
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Have you ever spent 1 night alone with a colicky infant. Abort. No need to bring a kid into an Fd up situation. Its selfish of you to have the baby - Unless you have a moral thing against abortion.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:19 AM FlagI was raised Catholic, never imagined having an abortion. And no, no colicky infants.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:22 AM FlagI'm just saying that raising a baby on your own is more work than you can ever imagine. I have 1yo DS and the times where my DH is away on business I cry for single mothers out there. It is sooooooooooooooo hard. Rewarding but don't kid yourself on how much work it is.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:28 AM FlagOh please. I am a single mother of a 2 yo (who happened to be colicky for 4 months). I am not saying it is easy but let's not get all dramatic. It is completely doable on your own. I am not well off and have no help and manage just fine. We are both happy and doing well.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 11:05 AM FlagNP: I think you are amazing, but I agree with above poster--I would not be able to do this on my own. I have two kids, and one is special needs. You never know what kind of help your child will need. And even many single moms with non-special needs children are totally overwhelmed. OP, revenge is so not the reason to bring a baby into this world. they are so much work, you have no idea. not fair to them or you.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 04:50 PM Flag
What does the Catholic church have to say about committing adultery? I mean, since we're bringing it up and all.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 07:23 PM Flag
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abortion. at 26 you have so much ahead of you and you can find your own man and create your own family together. if you have this baby conceived via affair... it will be so hard for you to find what you deserve in life. i wish you strength to get through this most difficult time.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 07:52 PM Flag
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My advice is to have the abortion. You do not want to bring a child into a toxic situation. And, it will be toxic no matter how hard all the parties try to be civil. Remember, you are stuck with this man from 0 to 21 and then some and if he remains with his wife, she is going to help raise your child and she will be in your life from 0 to 21. Just in general, I think people need to make better choices in fathers and role-models for their children. A cheater who denies the very existence of his wife and other children, is not a fit father to subject a child to, who can't fend for themselves.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:15 AM FlagHe has no children as far as I know. Part of me wonders if they had fertility issues and if he would want this baby? I know that is crazy. The wife probably doesn't want the affair baby. Like I said. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:17 AM Flagassume you will not get any help from him. do you want the baby? then assume you will ave to share custody with him and his wife. do you want the baby?
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:21 AM Flag-
my point is she needs to think those scenarios (at least) through when she is deciding whether to terminate or not.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:28 AM FlagNo, you are implying she would be on her own when there is no evidence to suggest so and the law indicates she would not be.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:28 AM FlagThe law cannot make a man love or visit his child. Half the time, it can't even make a man pay for his child. Even when men are threatened with jail time, they still refuse to pay. She should assume the worst. That she will have to love and provide for this child without the father.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:32 AM FlagShe should talk to him before assuming. I think you are seriously concerned it is your husband and want her to just make it all go away.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:32 AM FlagWhatever whack job. OP, you need to play out all the scenarios in your head. Just like I tell my boys when they are thinking about doing something stupid...do you want this chick to be your baby mama for the next 21 years? Suddenly, using a condom is a real good idea. lol
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:37 AM FlagWhy would he. I don't know him. I assume that a married man has dick control. Clearly he didn't and the OP is in a bad space. I would not trust a man to be a good father, who deceived me and denied having a wife. That suggests to me that he is sociopath and I would not subject a child to such a person. So, if I were OP, I would terminate and never look back.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:42 AM Flag
I meant maybe I should ask him if he wants the baby before I terminate? I do not.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:26 AM Flag
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Yeah. But you do have a deadline for deciding. While you can terminate at 24 weeks in NYS, you don't want to deal with that. So unfortunately, you're going to have to get your head screwed on straight rather quickly. Ask yourself.... do you want this man to be the father of your future children? Do you want this man in your life for the next 21 years? Can you tolerate him not matter the circumstances? If the answer is a sincere no to any of these questions, terminate and move on.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:23 AM FlagI have a little time. Not far along yet. I would be happy to never see him again. I am unimpressed by him. I admired him until I knew he was married. Now I am disgusted.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:28 AM FlagThis doesn't seem consistent with your other posts where you ponder that his marriage suffered from infertility and part of you wants to have this baby to ruin his marriage make him pay. So either this is fake or there is a small part of you that hopes that he returns, begs forgiveness, and is with you.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:34 AM Flag
First, this is so sad and I truly feel for you. If you choose to have this child it is your responsibility to protect them from things that can hurt them such as their bio dad being a loser, hurting you, etc. It can cause a lot of damage to a person knowing all the gritty details. Sigh... I feel awful for you. How old are you anyway? If you are looking to find someone and have a family someday I would suggest abortion, I hate saying that I really do but I think it's best for you. I would make your decision though and never ever look back. The guy is an ass and db would be a constant reminder of the hurt he caused you and it is VERY hard to raise a baby with a partner let alone solo. Think this through and think of YOURSELF first.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 07:48 PM Flag
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It's not the moral thing to do, but if you wanted the baby you wouldn't have to tell him about it. I'll probably get flamed for suggesting it, but if you don't need or want child support and this man is no good, you could just have it and keep it to yourself.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 10:23 AM Flag-
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I am currently pg with my ex-bf's baby. Not quite the same situation, of course, but the same idea. I debated about keeping the baby - I wanted to (am older and knew this was my last chance at a baby), but had/have serious concerns about a number of things. I think your decision should be based solely on whether or not you want to have this baby, not on revenge or his role or anything else. Because if you don't truly want it, nothing else matters. And if you do, you can make it into a positive situation for you and the baby.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 11:13 AM FlagWould you consider adoption ?? I'd love to have another baby and many other woman too - you'd be giving the gift of life to a family in need ( I was joking about my self as I'm in the process of ivf but ttc is so difficult for many families.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 12:27 PM FlagI'm not sure I could handle it. I'm too embarrassed to tell my family. My closest friends know the situation, and I think they would be supportive. I could easily go the duration of the pregnancy without seeing my family. I am just trying to work everything out.
[ Reply | More ]06.09.11, 04:14 PM Flag
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[+] Has anyone given birth @ Beth Israel or Roosevelt? I like that both have low C-secti... 7 replies
- My Re (IVF doctor) recommended someone but they don't accept my insurance. I'm 42....
- also if you are 42 and did IVF, you need probably need an MFM, try the Daniel Saltzman practice...
Talk : : June 08, 2011
Has anyone given birth @ Beth Israel or Roosevelt? I like that both have low C-section rates. Also, I have no clue how to go about finding an OB. There are hospital teams and then solo practices that have privileges at different hospitals. And then many don't take insurance. I have no idea where to begin. Looking for a traditional hospital setting. Open to doula. But really don't want a doctor who pushes C-sections and doesn't answer questions. Thanks!
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Morehow old are you? are you saying that you don't have a regular ob gyn? If you see someone who only does gyn they should be able to give recs. Also you probably want someone who takes your insurance.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 06:59 PM Flag
[+] Spinoff: What do you consider to be a bullsh*t occupation? I'll start--life coach. 180 replies
- ITA she is terrible. She told a couple trying to conceive (dream was to be parents) and wondering if they should go through with their last try of IVF despite their debt and she said NO. Terrible....
Talk : : June 08, 2011
Spinoff: What do you consider to be a bullsh*t occupation? I'll start--life coach.
180 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.08.11, 06:21 PM Flag ]-
Ugh, this confirms my fear that Nutritionist is not seen as a respectable position. I am thinking of changing careers to study Nutrition.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 06:25 PM FlagI think nutritionist is a legit occupation if you're working in a hospital/clinic/rehab center helping patients such as the elderly or ill people undergoing intensive treatments who can't keep food down and need to make sure everything they consume is maximized for nutrients. Regular, well people don't need someone telling them what to eat, we all know this stuff already.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 07:01 PM Flag
What is an IT analyst? I used to be in technology and haven't heard of this.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 06:30 PM Flag-
See - I don't know any 'life coaches' - but it sounds like a great racket -- if you can make money off of it, why not? I'm not sure there is a bullsh*t occupation.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 06:22 PM FlagOP: I don't mean it's not a viable way to make money, just that it's made up.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 06:25 PM FlagEverything was made up at one point. More power to you if you can scam people out of their $ -- except for Susie Orman - can't stand her! Mostly jealous that I didn't make millions by stomping around telling people ground-breaking things like 'don't spend more money than you have' and 'save for retirement'
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 06:28 PM Flag
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ITA about life coach. I was just telling DH the same thing!
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 06:25 PM Flag-
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many moons ago I had a horrible back injury. I went to 4 diff. chiro's and they all said the same thing to me, got my hopes up, kept me in pain and prolonged a surgical issue. They should have said this is something that cannot be manipulated back into place...but they took my money. Shame on me, shame on me for trusting them
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 06:46 PM Flagmassage therapist mom here - I have a book called 8 Steps to Reduce Back Pain by Esther Gokhale (not a chiropractor) and I LOVE it. Haven't incorporated everything yet, but it has revolutionized my ideas about the back and posture. Totally different than what anyone else ever told me. I am not a big fan of chiropractic in my extremely limited experience so far, even though people seem to think chiro/massage go together. It scares me, but lots of people swear by them.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 09:46 PM Flag
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it drives me nuts that they can call themselves doctors, and do! (and I am not a big fan of doctors)
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 06:41 PM Flag-
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I can't believe I'm the first to call out the Interior Designer
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 06:38 PM Flag-
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Please! So many SAHM's a dc's school that do *NOTHING* (and I do mean "nothing") for a living....and I am going to throw stones at the working class? Sorry, not! These women are entitled do-nothings who bl*w old men (husbands) in order to sit on their asses all day.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 07:22 PM FlagAll the SAHMs who've taken 10,000,000 pictures of their own dcs and suddenly think they can be professional photographers.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 07:32 PM Flag-
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[+] Anyone know of a woman who walked immediately and divorced after finding out about an... 17 replies
- Ugh. Garcelle. He was carrying on the affair the entire time she was going through IVF and failing, through her pregnancy, and through the twins' first birthday. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh....
Talk : : June 08, 2011
Anyone know of a woman who walked immediately and divorced after finding out about an affair, one night stand, or regular episodes of sexting/phone sex/email sex with an e-girlfriend? It can be a normal person or celebrity.
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.08.11, 03:47 PM Flag ]I know a DH who left his DW after finding out about her affair. They're now divorced. Does that count?
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 03:52 PM FlagMy cousin. She found out her DH was having a year long affair with a then 19 year old that started while she was pregnant with their first and only child. It was like she found out about the hair in the morning and filed the paperwork by sundown. She did hesitate for a moment and thought about forgiving him but he had to break all contact off with the girl.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 03:56 PM Flag^^^ Great, you think? Easy? Nope. He was a groomsmen in his friend's upcoming wedding, which just happened to be in the same town where the 19 year old lived. Couldn't disappoint his friend since he was not going to ever see the girl again. Yeah, right. You disappoint your wife but you can't disappoint your friend? Whatever. She dropped him like a bag of hot dog mess.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 03:58 PM Flag-
Yeah. She's an ace. She basically told him to not attend the wedding as a show of good faith for a lack of a better description. He actually was bold enough to tell her she was being unreasonable. Douche. Like she was really suppose to believe that he was going to go upstate for wedding, two weeks after the affair being found out, and was not going to talk or see the girl. She lived only a mile away from the venue!!!!!! Grrrr.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 04:30 PM Flag
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Maria Shriver, Garcelle Beauvois-Nilon, Dean Sherement (Leah-Ann Rhime's Ex), Anjelica Houston, Uma Thurman, Jennifer Aniston
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 04:14 PM Flag
[+] IVF question: Any elective single blastocyst transfer success stories? Chose to tran... 7 replies
- Thanks, since it was my first IVF and we had a couple good quality blasts and dont want twins, I figured I'd try for 1. if it doesnt work, esp. multiple failures, I may reassess. doc quoted 50% chance of twins w/ my age & blast quality. if I got pregnant with twins on...
Talk : : June 08, 2011
IVF question: Any elective single blastocyst transfer success stories? Chose to transfer 1, need encouragement.
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I didn't get to choose - only had one - but was successful, and I am 37 with DOR. At your age with no history of chromosomal issues, SET seems like a good choice; there are tons of healthy twins but there's no denying itit is more complicated
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 09:20 AM Flagwhy can I not type...no denying it is potentially more complicated, and SET is very standard practice outside the US. FWIW since I had 1 kid on my own w/no help, RE would not have allowed me to do more than 2 even with my age and diagnosis. GL, many women have no symptoms in 2WW and often not until 6-10 weeks pg.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 09:22 AM FlagThanks, since it was my first IVF and we had a couple good quality blasts and dont want twins, I figured I'd try for 1. if it doesnt work, esp. multiple failures, I may reassess. doc quoted 50% chance of twins w/ my age & blast quality. if I got pregnant with twins on my first try, I'd regret not having tried for 1. if it doesnt work, we'll see.
[ Reply | More ]06.08.11, 09:26 AM Flag
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[+] is it better to get fired or resign? (i don't care about 17 replies
- I'm in a similar situation but I want to get fired because I have IVF cycle coming up (there is no way I can do a full-time job and go through that again). i would like unemployment. They already don't like me here (personality differences) so hoping they will lay me off....
Talk : : June 07, 2011
is it better to get fired or resign? (i don't care about
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.07.11, 01:13 PM Flag ]Resign. Why would you want to get fired unless you want to collect unemplyment.
[ Reply | More ]06.07.11, 01:15 PM Flag-
Better to find a new job and then quit the old one. Resigning with no job just looks like you got fired.
[ Reply | More ]06.07.11, 01:17 PM Flagmy project here ended, and the new one is not at all challenging. i am stuck in brooklyn, can't interview in manhattan.
[ Reply | More ]06.07.11, 01:20 PM Flag
oh my - I can't even imagine working with you. just sitting around waiting to get fired. it must be charming.
[ Reply | More ]06.07.11, 01:30 PM FlagI'm in a similar situation but I want to get fired because I have IVF cycle coming up (there is no way I can do a full-time job and go through that again). i would like unemployment. They already don't like me here (personality differences) so hoping they will lay me off.
[ Reply | More ]06.07.11, 01:44 PM Flag
[+] IVF moms: had upset stomach (diarrhea) night of transfer (about 9 or 10 hours later).... 5 replies
Talk : : June 07, 2011
IVF moms: had upset stomach (diarrhea) night of transfer (about 9 or 10 hours later). worried that the intestinal cramps caused embryo to be expelled or caused uterine contractions? any advice?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | More-
I had the same thing, though maybe it was 1 day after transfer, and was convinced I had some kind of flu or food poisoning that would ruin any hope of success. I'm now 21 weeks pg. What day did you do the transfer on? Mine was a 6-day, and my acupuncturist thought the tummy upset may have been related to implantation cramping. (P.S., a medicinal glass of wine will help w/ cramping and will not harm embryo at this stage.)
[ Reply | More ]06.07.11, 10:39 AM FlagCongrats! I had a 5 day transfer in the morning, and the diarrhea was around 9/10 pm, an our or so after dinner. I am pretty sure the stomach upset was gas/food upset, esp. because I had diarrhea. I read embryos dont implant until day 7/8 or so, right, so I am hoping that all the cramping didnt expel the embryo which hadnt had a chance to implant yet. Also good to read that it didnt affect yours! Did you have a lot of abdominal cramping with the tummy upset? I am SURE I am being a lunatic to worry, I just didnt want anything to hurt my chances.
[ Reply | More ]06.07.11, 10:54 AM Flag
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[+] I saw Goldschlag at Cornell and now want to switch to Spandorfer (had a bad experienc... 6 replies
- Did you eventually see the results? Do you think it's too soon for IVF? Consider contacting ccrm for a consult. You give them whatever info you have and they do a phone appt. Get a second opinion that way before leaving Cornell. from what I read a few years ago, if you're borderline IVF is the best bet. Likeliest to get you PG. 2d opinion may help you decide how to proceed....
Talk : : June 07, 2011
I saw Goldschlag at Cornell and now want to switch to Spandorfer (had a bad experience--didn't get the results of any lab tests and was told to just do IVF, it was a rushed apt).. does anyone know if this is allowed?
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreAccording to Cholst, it is not allowed. We tried to switch from her to another doctor and she told us Cornell does not allow patients to switch doctors. She told us to go to another clinic if we wanted another doctor. She never even me mentioned these conversations in her notes.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 12:50 PM FlagDid you eventually see the results? Do you think it's too soon for IVF? Consider contacting ccrm for a consult. You give them whatever info you have and they do a phone appt. Get a second opinion that way before leaving Cornell. from what I read a few years ago, if you're borderline IVF is the best bet. Likeliest to get you PG. 2d opinion may help you decide how to proceed.
[ Reply | More ]06.12.11, 12:57 PM Flag
[+] Has anyone here worked in recruiting for a corporation? my company has suggested tha... 1 reply
Talk : : June 06, 2011
Has anyone here worked in recruiting for a corporation? my company has suggested that is an option for me (I have an MBA and my current job is finance/high stress). I am trying to have kids (IVF) - is it worth it transfering tracks? i haven't gotten details yet on how my salary would change if I move roles.
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | More06.06.11, 12:27 PM Flag ]
[+] Has anyone here worked in recruiting for a corporation? my company has suggested tha... 22 replies
- 't have a child yet. who knows if i will ever have one, but the IVF process is very draining, so better to choose lower stress now I figure....
- im not necessarily going to quit. i cant do an i-banking job and go through IVF, that is what I know. The company knows i am going through this. i just...! We do need the money. And I like having something to distract me from IVF after a year of failures!...
Talk : : June 06, 2011
Has anyone here worked in recruiting for a corporation? my company has suggested that is an option for me (I have an MBA and my current job is finance/high stress). I am trying to have kids (IVF) - is it worth it transfering tracks? i haven't gotten details yet on how my salary would change if I move roles.
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.06.11, 12:26 PM Flag ]your salary may not change (but probably will)... your bonus and future earnings potential DEFINITELY will. just know that you are entirely redirecting your future path, can't come back.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:35 PM FlagI would have to quit my current job anyway once I had a baby - it is way too demanding (emails 24 hrs) I am someone who just can't handle alot of stress! so it's probably best for me.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:36 PM Flagwhy don't you just quit now. you'd be doing your firm a service
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:38 PM Flagit's a great company and i am smart - we could help each other out. I don't have a child yet. who knows if i will ever have one, but the IVF process is very draining, so better to choose lower stress now I figure.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:41 PM Flagi highly doubt the worth you are providing is more than the amount you are sucking out in health care costs and the time you'll make them pay you while you're not working and on maternity leave. net, you're just a drain at this point. completely sucking the resources from other, more productive team members. if you know you're going to quit, you should really stop kidding yourself that what you are doing is anything other than purely self interested behavior.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:42 PM Flagnp: Whoa - calm down. Maybe she needs the money. Why should she quit before she's shoved out? It's not like finance is curing cancer -- she's not keeping the job from someone who is going to make the world a better place in her stead. (And I work in finance)
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:46 PM Flag
there are ways to stay on the finance path and lower the stress a bit. find an employer who's a little less psycho about the 24-7 email. signed - finance mom who used to work for a crazy, hopped into another seat elsewhere, managed to stay 'on track'. But sounds like you want to change/quit anyway.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:43 PM Flag
[+] I'm really unsatisfied with my RE at Cornell and desperately want to switch within th... 3 replies
- Why? Don't they caucus together on your test results and protocol? We (not nyc or we'd have gone to cornell) spoke with ours (ccrm) once on the phone, met with him when we travelled out there for 1 day workup and didn't see him again. Someone else did retrieval, another doc did transfers. We did talk to him once on phone re doing fet or full ivf for 2d attempt....
Talk : : June 06, 2011
I'm really unsatisfied with my RE at Cornell and desperately want to switch within the facility to someone better. Does anyone know if this is permissible?
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | MoreWhy? Don't they caucus together on your test results and protocol? We (not nyc or we'd have gone to cornell) spoke with ours (ccrm) once on the phone, met with him when we travelled out there for 1 day workup and didn't see him again. Someone else did retrieval, another doc did transfers. We did talk to him once on phone re doing fet or full ivf for 2d attempt.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 02:08 PM Flag
[+] My husband and I have been married for 7 years. Two months after we got married in 20...
Talk : : June 05, 2011
My husband and I have been married for 7 years. Two months after we got married in 2004 I was diagnosed with a large benign ovarian tumor on my left ovary... I recovered fine and got to keep most of my left ovary but carried infertility fear with me.. Fast forward today. My hubby and I started TTC this past Jan. After noticing that I was spotting for 7 days before my period I consulted my cornell gyn and he recommended I see an RE, preferably one at Cornell. While he iniitally recommended steve spadafore, my insurance would only cover dan goldschlag. I heard good things about Goldschlag so I made an apt. I had the initial 10 vial blood panel, the ovarian 3 day reserve test, an ultrasound and HSG. THe HSG was painful but Dr. G immediatly said I was 'all clear', no blockages. I was relieved. He never told me the results of my blood tests or my DH sperm findings--he said he'd wait until the final appt. So, I went to my final apt last week and waited an hour to get in.. Dr. Goldschlag seemed a little rushed and was looking at his computer screen like he had never evaluated the results prior to that time. it was so odd. He said my hsg showed a block on my left side--this was the side I had a cyst surgery on years ago. I was stunned--esp. since he told me AT THAT TEST, that everything was clear--no blocks. The dr. went on to explain that the dye came out on the right side but not the left and that he saw a small 'efflusion' (whatever that means) where the ovary meets the tube--and it could have been a spasm or a block, he didn't know. I was just so upset that he went back on his word...who does that about something so serious?!! Then he went on to tell me that I have a very low AMH--0.38. But my FSH and other hormone levels are all fine, so while I produce quality eggs and ovulate properly I have diminshed ovarian reserve. He showed us the ultrasound--right side tube is clear and 8 egg follicles, left side just 2. He thinks the left isn't working properly. When I specifically asked about the spotting, he said he had no idea. Again, at the time he took the ultrasound he said everything looked fine, yet suddently he was singing a different tune. Then he said DH's sperm count was fine at 40 millioin but then went on to talk about low morphology. It was like talking to someone in a circle, no clarity at all. He offered no recs on how to proceed. When pressed, Dr. G ultimately recommended IVF and IUI with injectables. He said our chances of trying naturally are 6 percent each month compared to couples regular at 14. Suddently, he was pressing IVF really hard--I just didn't expect it and I'd love a second opinion. Any advice? Can you switch docs within Cornell? WHen I called to inquire I was told you'd need the doctor's permission which sounds sticky. and if so, who would you recommend? or how to proceed? PAk Chung, Spadafore?Davis? what about nyu? any recs? Since the labs were never really explained well. We are still unclear on what exactly was found. The whole situation was a real sucker punch. Especially since I had heard positive things about Goldschlag prior to the visit....
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