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[+] Is it normal for a 1.5 yo dd to choose to play with cars that her 4 yo brother leaves... 11 replies
- op: Hehe. Maybe we'll get her that doll that you can practice breastfeeding too....
Talk : : June 13, 2011
Is it normal for a 1.5 yo dd to choose to play with cars that her 4 yo brother leaves lying around?
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.13.11, 07:33 AM Flag ]No she should clearly be barefoot and pretending to be pregnant while cooking pies in her play kitchen.
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 07:36 AM FlagMy prized toys as a kid were my matchbox cars and garage (I didn't even have brothers to get me interested). I think I played with them through 6th grade, and if I had a playdate would just pretend they were my cousins'. Today I am a well adjusted happily married woman :) (My other favorite toys were My Little Pony and Legos. It's all random)
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:07 AM FlagI would worry that one day she might want to learn to drive. Better lock her up now. Perhaps convent?
[ Reply | More ]06.13.11, 08:40 AM Flag
[+] How long did you breastfeed for? 32 replies
- 1 year, 6 months (dr said to quit when I got pregnant again), and still breastfeeding number 3...
Talk : : June 10, 2011
[+] Can't believe I'm asking for breastfeeding advice a year into the party but I have an... 5 replies
Talk : : June 07, 2011
Can't believe I'm asking for breastfeeding advice a year into the party but I have an awful blister on one nipple that started bleeding this am while db was bfding. He had blood in his mouth - so, so gross! Now there's a big spot of dried blood. Not sure what to do. can/should I still nurse? how do I get this to heal? Just had mastitis in that breast btw, and really want to avoid getting it again...
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.07.11, 04:29 AM Flag ]The blood won't hurt him as long as you don't have a blood born disease. Try to change positions that you feed in so the tooth or his toungue is positioned in a different place. Good luck!
[ Reply | More ]06.07.11, 04:46 AM FlagIf you just had mastitus in that breast it sounds like a positioning problem on that side, for baby not to be draining it properly and for the damage to your nipple. Sometimes they get lazy when they're teething cos the gums are hurting etc... Definitely work in getting better position(s) during feeding. You nipple will heal quickly when this is corrected.
[ Reply | More ]06.07.11, 05:02 AM Flag
[+] Re: Sanctimommy with the kid who is a great eater: I've got twins (born together, rai... 35 replies
- np: I have heard that if he breastfeeding mother eats a wide variety of foods the baby will be more open to lots of difft types of food, but who knows. I have 2 dc both got the same amt of bf and formula and they could not be more difft in terms of what they'...
Talk : : June 06, 2011
Re: Sanctimommy with the kid who is a great eater: I've got twins (born together, raised together) and (at age 7) one of them eats anything and everything with gusto and the other is "picky". I went out of my way to feed them home-cooked, wholesome, healthy, whole foods from the moment they started eating (and DH and I always eat well in front of them). The picky one used to eat everything I put in front of him but then slowly-but-surely he dropped one thing after another from the list of what he'd eat (probably starting at age 3 or so) while the other one was/is always willing to try stuff (and usually gobbles it up). So, before you get too sanctimonious, watch out, it could still go either way. I've BTDT. Hoping my picky one will eventually broaden his food horizons if I just keep offering. We'll see!
35 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.06.11, 04:45 PM Flag ]-
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Hardly possible for you to say that so definitively. Read about the relationship between formula and children liking bland starchy food. I am certain part of the reason my dc is such a great eater is because I nursed for as long as I did.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 05:42 PM FlagKeep telling yourself that if it makes you feel good about yourself and your choices. It's complete BS though. I have a huge family and lots of friends w/ kids. Some never nursed. Some (like me) did for a few months while on maternity leave. Others nursed for 2 years or more. Some of the kids are picky eaters and others are not. Mine will eat anything and everything. 2 boys - and I'm convinced their grocery bills are more than their tuition. Some parents feed them nothing but junk. Most try to keep it mostly healthy. Some are health food freaks and their kids have a horrible relationship w/ junk food and stuff themselves silly whenever they have access at a friend's house. Balance is everything.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 05:47 PM Flagnp: You miss the point of the post then. I have a friend who did not bf at all (her dc's are both adopted, before anyone asks why not) and they voluntarily eat fruits and vegetables all the time.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 05:47 PM FlagI didn't miss the point of the post. I think it's fascinating to see the differences in twins, who, unless they are identical are no more related than siblings. So I agree it's an interesting anecdote.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 05:49 PM FlagWait, are you the one who said it had to do with formula? Or the one who responded to it talking about the different families?
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 05:53 PM FlagLol. So it would change how you responded to my thoughts? I'm the OR.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 05:55 PM FlagBecause I was responding to the person who chimed in to say formula causes picky eating. I don't agree. And maybe it wasn't intended to sound judgmental but I really can't stand moms who gloat about how much healthier their breastfed kids are, how much smarter, etc. I'm not anti-bf, I did it myself, I just think it's annoying.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 06:01 PM Flag
I nurses one for a year and another for 2.5 years. The former is a great eater and the latter is very limited. You really discredit yourself in any argument you make if you do not account for the range of factors that effect all behaviors b
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 06:04 PM FlagOR: my offering ONE anecdote was not an attempt to make a claim about all children. As a scientist, I know better. That was my belief about my child. But there are many people who believe in the relationship between a preference for bland foods and the foundation of taste preferences created by powdered chemicals and jarred "baby food."
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 06:07 PM Flag
np: I have heard that if he breastfeeding mother eats a wide variety of foods the baby will be more open to lots of difft types of food, but who knows. I have 2 dc both got the same amt of bf and formula and they could not be more difft in terms of what they'll eat -- one is picky to the extreme, one is a garbage disposal
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 05:54 PM FlagOR: exactly (to your first point). It's not exactly an extreme opinion that children who bf and have mothers with diverse palettes develop greater acceptance of different flavors than children who have the same tasting chemicals every day. Same goes for "baby food." Real apples taste different day to day. Jarred baby food does not. Check out the book Real Food for Mom and Baby.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 05:56 PM Flag^ Here is the link: http://www.amazon.com/Real-Food-Mother-Baby-Fertility/dp/1596913940
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 05:57 PM Flag
totally relevant. EBF babies get used to a variety of flavors from their mother's diet very early on. There is absolutely a link, which is not to say that no EBF baby will be picky or that all non-EBF babies are picky.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 05:55 PM Flag
OP here: I did exclusively breastfeed both of them for the 18 months. No formula for either and they both started some cow's milk (and yogurts etc) at age 1 (yogurt maybe 9mths, cannot remember exactly). I was a crazy-lady with the homemade babyfood, tons of variety, grains, veggies etc.. determined to have them be great foodies. I honestly think a LOT of it is nature, not nurture. Plus, for my picky eater food can become a battle and demanding he eat something makes him dig his heels in more. Deciding what he will/won't eat is a way of asserting his independence whereas my food-adventurous son is proud of it and enjoys the praise of adults who comment on what a great eater he is. Go figure, every kid is different!
[ Reply | More ]06.07.11, 01:47 PM Flag
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You know, I find the same thing happens with sleeping. I find so many moms are very smug about how their dc sleeps for 12-13 hour stretches and find a way to judge people whose kids don't go to sleep until later or don't sleep for as long. I have three kids, first one is one of those kids who was up until 9 no matter what we did, second one has been doing 12-hour stretches since he was a small baby (7 to 7), third one is in the middle (goes to sleep at a reasonably good time but then wakes up early too). Has nothing to do with anything we did, it's circadian rhythms that I think are innate.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 05:59 PM FlagOoooh - I'm glad I've never met one of these moms. I know I'm blessed that both my DC slept from 8-8 by 3/4 months and still sleep a solid 10 - 11 hours at night. I NEVER mention this to other moms because I know many don't have this luxury and I wouldn't want them to feel bad.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 06:08 PM Flagi had a woman ask me once if the reason why my baby did not sleep well was because the baby instinctively knew that i did not have to get up to work. i wanted to kill her. unfortunately, her child is a good sleeper. my dc happens to be a good eater and i agree that it is just the luck of the draw and varies by child.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 06:32 PM Flag
[+] Sanctimommy, this post is for you. Name one thing that you know makes you better than... 175 replies
- I'm still breastfeeding my son, even though it means stopping by his office in midtown a couple times a day....
Talk : : June 06, 2011
Sanctimommy, this post is for you. Name one thing that you know makes you better than other moms.
175 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.06.11, 12:15 PM Flag ]my child is an excellent eater. it was like pulling teeth initially but now we can go anywhere and eat anything. makes life so very nice for us! when i see picky eaters i blame the parents. sorry! but this is a sanctimommy post.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:18 PM FlagMom of picky eater here. You cannot force someone to eat something they don't want to eat. You're lucky.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:18 PM Flagnp: but you don't have to only feed your dc pasta, chk nuggets and peanut butter from the beginning. When they are little is the time to put the most effort into planning meals, but for most parents that's when they spend the least.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:21 PM Flagnp: you really don't know what you're talking about, signed mom of one VERY picky eater and one kid who will try anything...I fed them the same way and put a lot of effort into meals.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:24 PM Flagsorry, but no, you enable him. If you don't ever give him the X he can't prefer the X. Period.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:32 PM FlagWell unfortunately my kids don't live in a bubble, so yes they know what chicken nuggets are. Doesn't mean I've ever made them or bought them, just means that they have friends and spend time with other kids and other families. Shoot me for letting my kid out of the house I guess.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:34 PM FlagAre you being this sanctimonious as a joke, or for real? I can't tell!!
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:35 PM FlagI was being very real. I try to shame people into feeding their children better. Just what I do.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 01:21 PM FlagOh sure, because that's what most moms of multiple children need- whether they stay at home and try their hardest to parent them well all day long, or whether they work all day and then come home to parent them the best they know how- what they really need is a big old dose of shame, from you. You're great.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 01:23 PM FlagWell, in my not so popular opinion, most aren't trying their hardest. Shame is a powerful tool!
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 01:27 PM FlagDon't you think they have pediatricians who talk to them about that sort of thing? Why be that bitch on the street who says "you know, so and so shouldn't be eating that hot dog". I'll have you know that I get MANY comments for what I feed my daughter. She has CF, and she is supposed to eat a diet very high in fat and very high in calories. So I will give her a cheeseburger, a side of macaroni and cheese with extra butter, and an ice cream sundae for lunch if she will eat it all. And people stop to say things to me, despite my daughter's normal weight. It makes me want to cry- don't you think I wish my daughter didn't have CF and didn't need this kind of diet?? Don't you think I know that for most people this isn't healthy, but she needs to gain weight? Leave me alone!! People like you upset me so much, all the time, and you don't even have a clue about my daughter's life and needs!!
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 01:31 PM Flag
ITA - they don't have money - so they will eat what you buy them! kids don't like being hungry. I never heard of a child hunger strike making the news. Put what you want them to eat in front of them and eventually they will consume it.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:36 PM FlagFor babies, sure. For kids, no, they will just trade parts of their lunch with other kids when they get to school, and have the snacks they prefer at their friends house after school, and eat miniscule portions of the healthy dinner you provide. Just wait, honey.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:37 PM FlagSo what if I don't have money for organic, gluten free, dairy free, hormone free, whatever stuff I'm supposed to be feeding my child according to the latest trends? Yeah, I make fish sticks with frozen broccoli for dinner sometimes. Costs about 3 dollars to feed all 3 kids. So shoot me. They are in good health.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:41 PM FlagJust because they are walking and talking doesn't mean they are in good health.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:42 PM FlagYou're right, those once a week fish sticks probably gave them leukemia. Shut the fuck up. Are you their doctor? Besides, I wouldn't be surprised if they find that hormone free milk causes stomach cancer or something in the next few years. You people will jump on any bandwagon!
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:43 PM Flagnp: now eating fresh food is a bandwagon? That's a new approach to justifying feeding your kids crap.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:45 PM FlagWhy are you being so mean? Yes, my kids like frozen fish sticks as a treat as well (not the OR). Why are you trying to make her feel bad because of that? Laughing at other moms giving their kids a treat of fishsticks, if that is what their kid likes, is cruel and very pretentious, and if you are so worried about what is in your kids stomachs, maybe you should also worry about the example of kindness and tolerance you are setting for them.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:57 PM Flagregular milk is full of hormones and crap that wasn't there when you were a kid. Corn isn't as sweet because it's all genetically modified. Pork has lost all flavor because they feed pigs corn only and not veggies, grass etc that they need to be healthy and tasty. It's a fact. You should watch what goes into your kid, I do. You've been warned.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 01:23 PM Flag
uh, you are TOTALLY wrong. I have twins. Fed the SAME way in utero and out as babies and toddlers. One will try and eat EVERYTHING. The other is as picky as the day is long. Despite being fed "properly" and also being required to at least take a no thank you bite and not having parents who will make another meal etc. So, your "enabling" idea is not quite right.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 01:07 PM FlagWorked for me - probably not for everyone, but some people don't even try. I've seen it with my own lazy friends. Cereal for dinner? Really? Poptarts for breakfast? Really? That's teh problem I have. Everything in moderation is fine - but we all know some people are not moderates.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 01:09 PM Flag
ITA - my DC has no idea what a "chicken nugget" is. Sorry but I do take pride in that. Doesn't like canned pears because they aren't real pears to DC. Its exhausting to always have real unprocessed food but it has totally been worth it. I get crazy when I see prepackages lunches and gummy treats being given. Easy way out.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:25 PM FlagThis post was supposed to be a joke to let us all poke fun at ourselves and at one another. You are just adding an annoying vibe to it. And by the way, my kid shares his oreos with your kid at lunch and your kid loves them.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:28 PM FlagMy ds doesn't know what a chicken nugget is either. He eats only healthful foods. However, he only eats like 6 different things. It has nothing to do with processed vs unprocessed.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:33 PM FlagYou "get crazy" when you see parents feeding kids something different than what you feed your own kids? Oh lord, talk about things that I do not have the time or the inclination to worry about. MYOB.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:36 PM FlagYes, just like I get crazy when people smoke in the car with their kids. I care about children in general and when I see them being shortchanged it bothers me.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:45 PM Flagnp: I've been reading all of these and I get the impression that you and others think feeding kids a fruit snack every now and then is tantamount to child abuse, like smoking in a car with the windows rolled up with your baby in the back. Lighten up, people.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:49 PM FlagNo not at all. My DC eats gummy treats every once in a while as a special treat. On a daily basis, carrots, fruits, whole grains all of the fuel that a growing child needs. There are kids that just eat these packages goods and nothing fresh! AND someone mentioned not being able to afford fresh or organic food. A bag of carrots is cheaper than a box of sponge bob gummy treats, the only difference is that you have to actually wash them which is apparently too much effort for some!
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:56 PM FlagFor what it's worth (I am fishstick mom, aka heinously abusive mom apparently), I feed my kids a healthy diet with almost zero snacks/sweets as well. I initially commented that I don't think it's a big deal for kids to have treats of something they enjoy here and there, or to give them fishsticks if I'm in a hurry or if they really want them one night. Everyone apparently thinks I'm murdering my children slowly at the dinner table due to this. I agree with np above- please lighten up, guys.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 01:01 PM FlagFishstick mom again- and when I said I couldn't always afford fancy organic food from whole foods, etc., I didn't mean that instead of buying carrots I buy sweets. Where did you get that idea?? I buy healthy food, I just don't shell out 3x as much money for hormone free milk, for example. I don't substitute my vegetable purchases with oreos, although apparently fishsticks once a week is already killing my kids so I might as well, right?
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 01:20 PM Flag
Your kid WILL know what a chicken nugget is and WILL have an eating disorder later. How about moderation and balance as a teaching?
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:52 PM Flag
With some families, even if the child is fed a diverse set of foods from birth, the DC will rebel against their parents eventually. Rebellion is part of their personality, and not really teh fault of the parents.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:53 PM Flag
I volunteer major hours at my child's school while working full-time, training for a 10K, making home-cooked 5 course meals with all organic food grown in my backyard from composting our own waste.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:20 PM FlagI only let my DB have small sips of my soda, whisky, beer, etc.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:21 PM FlagI made sure my baby had NEW YORK, NEW YORK stamped proudly on his birth certificate instead of a second rate state like Mississippi. How could you DO that to your child? MISSISSIPPI?
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:24 PM FlagI SAH because I actually care about raising my children, and would never entrust that job to anyone else. I actually love my kids, thanks.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:27 PM FlagI carefully watched what I did and ate whle pregnant, so I could be assured of having compliant kids.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:27 PM Flag-
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Oh I need to work on this one. No matter how hard I try I hear myself complaining about MY body in front of dd. Such a hard habit to break!!
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:32 PM FlagIf you are even talking about body image (+ or -) at a young age I think you are putting unnecessary emphasis on the body's shape. Instead you should be focusing on health and safety in a general way; from sunscreen, to wearing your seatbelt, to fruits and veggies to exercise, to vaccinations.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:36 PM FlagOR: That is what I meant. I do not talk about it specifically, just create an environment where we respect the power and health of our bodies, independent of appearance.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:40 PM Flagah, good. I have seen the other version, where overweight mom puts her thin dd into ballet and constantly reinforces how beautiful her body is and thinks that seeing herself in the mirror around other thin dancers is a good thing. Similar to pageant moms. Those moms are heinous.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:48 PM Flag
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I would never dream of using a swing longer than 3.2 minutes at a park. Mommies who let their children use the swing for 7+ minutes are teaching a heinous, horrible example about SELFISH BEHAVIOR and their children will probably grow up to cook crank somewhere in the ozarks.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:30 PM Flaghaha, DH did his first solo trip to the playground swings yesterday with 10mo. was so proud when he told me they waited in line for a bit then DB was on the swing for 20 min. I was just picturing all of you fuming at how long he was on there. DH apparently doesn't have his playground etiquette down... or better yet probably didn't care.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:33 PM FlagHaha it wouldn't have even crossed my mind to be upset at a child enjoying a swing for as long as they want. Boo hoo, so I didn't get to push my kid on a swing today because someone else was using it. Let's start throwing rocks at eachother and calling the police.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:39 PM Flag
I show my DC the end of the bed that the bed bugs haven't yet gotten to this way she can decide which way she wants to lay. School pix - she kept head on non buggy side to keep complexion clear, dance recital the reverse since so much focus on her shoes.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:33 PM Flag-
I married someone who I knew would be a great Dad. Money didn't matter as much to me as having a top notch dad in their life.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:34 PM FlagBoth of my children got into our FC and once there established themselves as superstar children. Its a struggle to keep them challenged: constant museum trips, all of the tutoring and after school stuff but I think its necessary to cultivate such brilliance.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:36 PM FlagI don't let my DH skateboard or wear shorts & baseball caps.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:39 PM Flag-
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http://www.urbanbaby.com/talk/posts/52889976
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 01:31 PM Flag
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I don't care about this shit. I'm the most laid back mom on the block.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 12:48 PM Flag-
I'm not a sanctimommy, as I really could not care less what other moms do. But if I had to pick one thing I am proud of, it's reading. We've read every day of their lives and fostered a love of reading for pleasure and knowledge. Both of my dc's teachers say this is unfortunately rare in many homes (we go to public). I honestly don't judge these other parents, but I feel sorry for their dc.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 01:18 PM Flag-
Has noone read the bottom line? The moral of all these ridiculous f$^%&*(g debates about parenting and food is that parents should do what works for them. Short of the most depraved and ignorant individuals, the kids will turn out okay. No, they really will. So feed 'em what you can, when you can, and if someone else has commentary, they have TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 01:37 PM Flag-
I set rules and stick to them, but flexible when I need to be. Also, I am fun.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 05:28 PM FlagI send all three of my DCs to Horace Mann despite the incredible amount of time I have to spend in lining up tutors, preparing for the brutal parent-teacher meetings, maintaining my popularity among the other Park Avenue Moms. But i do it for my children since they deserve the very best in educational opportunities.
[ Reply | More ]06.06.11, 07:11 PM FlagAs for feeding my kids... I made all organic healthy foods and snacks which (once they were adults) I learned they traded for their schoolmates junk food! Nevertheless, as adults, both eat mostly heathy organic foods, no junk, and as a result look and feel strong and healthy, so in spite of their childhood forays into their contemporaries junk food laden lunches, they learned what was healthy and now have developed the eating habits I originally intended.
[ Reply | More ]06.07.11, 10:34 AM Flag
[+] I am still breastfeeding my 20mo twice a day. I will be going away for 2 nights later... 14 replies
Talk : : June 06, 2011
[+] Any recs for a sports bra that is comfortable for a breastfeeding mom? the idea of ha... 2 replies
Talk : : June 04, 2011
Any recs for a sports bra that is comfortable for a breastfeeding mom? the idea of having my boobs compressed by a traditional sports bra is painful but they're bigger than ever and I don't know how to control the bounce without smushing them down.
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.04.11, 02:04 PM Flag ]http://www.aintnomomjeans.com/2009/09/best-sports-bra-for-nursing-moms.html
[ Reply | More ]06.04.11, 02:07 PM Flag
[+] I saw comfortable shoe post earlier. What are your feelings on birkenstocks? I am the... 12 replies
- So long as you maintain some standards of personal grooming and don't go guilt tripping strangers about not breastfeeding until age 5 you are all good :)...
Talk : : June 03, 2011
I saw comfortable shoe post earlier. What are your feelings on birkenstocks? I am the anti-crunchy but see everyone around Brooklyn (even non-crunchy people) wearing metallic gizehs and I caved and got a pair and they are amazingly comfortable and I actually love them but fear people thinking I am crunchy and devoid of style (shallow I know). I bought them at a trendy boutique to convince myself that they are actually stylish. Am I kidding myself? About to go to europe and do a lot of walking but don't want to be laughed at
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.03.11, 04:46 PM Flag ]do you really think you are so important that people will (a) notice you and (b) laugh at you?!
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 04:48 PM FlagHave you seen German tourists? Just don't wear yours with socks. And Gizehs are fine. As long as you're not wearing a fanny pack, how could you look "crunchy"? And what's wrong with looking like you might care about your fellow man and the environment (assuming you mean "crunchy" as in "hippie")?
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 04:50 PM FlagI work in fashion and I wear them all the time. They are cute with anything -- sundresses, even skinny jeans. I live in Bklyn and most of the moms wear them. Practical is better than looking foolish in something that is fashionable but clearly not comfortable. (FYI: I'm not wealthy, though very liberal -- does that make me crunchy?)
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 04:57 PM Flag-
They are really, really ugly. They only look cute if you are absolutely gorgeous, e.g. you are 20 and if you are a total beauty who looks good even with a horn in her forehead. Otherwise, they are horrible. We have to wear something during the summer, and it gets very hot in NYC, but let's be honest, Birkenstoks are an abomination and so are Danskos.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 06:05 PM Flag
[+] if i feed my son organic milk/food does that mean he wont grow as much as if he had a... 120 replies
- and my son who has only had organic milk with dha and organic formula when I stopped breastfeeding is in the 99 percentile for height (15% for weight) and is projected to be 6-4 (I'm 5-9,...igf levels in human breastmilk are higher than in nonorganic milk from cows treated with growth hormone. shall we all stop breastfeeding then??...
Talk : : June 03, 2011
if i feed my son organic milk/food does that mean he wont grow as much as if he had a non-organic diet?
120 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.03.11, 11:30 AM Flag ]-
i heard that nonorganic milk contains growth hormone and obviously being exposed to growth hormone stimulates growth. given that organic milk does not contain growth hormone, i would guess that children who exclusively have a nonorganic diet might end up being shorter than those who are ingesting growth hormone.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 11:37 AM Flag
Ok, here's the thing: EVEN IF the bovine hormones actually DO make dcs taller/bigger, that can't be a good thing, right? You wouldn't WANT to feed your son bovine hormones to ensure he isn't short, would you?
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 12:01 PM Flagwhy? do you think that is superficial? women won't date short men. short men are not seen as leaders, don't get jobs as easily. you rarely see a short man who is a ceo. why wouldn't i want to give my son an advantage if it was as easy as providing him nonorganic milk which is cheaper anyway? i dont think anyone ever developed health problems from drinking regular milk.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 12:04 PM FlagYou are an ass. Sorry, but it just needs to be said. Short men are fine if they don't have a mother who thinks that there's something wrong with them and that they are being made to understand that tall men are better.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 12:06 PM Flagoh please. you can't admit that height gives men an advantage in life? you are the one who is an ass.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 12:08 PM Flag-
yes, that is one of about a billion things that could possibly give a child an advantage in life.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 12:11 PM FlagBut if I had the choice between being a short man with a great mom or a tall man with a crappy mom, I'd be short.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 12:16 PM FlagHow about being a tall man with an awesome? U have to admit that would be your first choice.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 02:26 PM Flag-
There is no way you could be an "awesome" mom with a thought process that determines success based on physical characteristics
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:39 PM FlagI am not going to delude myself into thinking that appearance doesn't matter in this world. Of course if my DC is short or tall, conventionally handsome or not, I will love him dearly no matter what. I am simply pointing out the obvious: height is an advantage in life. I'm not saying it will determine his level of success. I am just saying it is an advantage. You are completely twisting my words and jumping to irrational conclusions.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:43 PM Flag
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Because it's not healthy! It's not necessarily true that he will grow taller. He might grow fatter, or perhaps have other hormonal imbalances later on. And what you are saying is not entirely accurate. rBGH milk (growth hormone) is banned in every other civilized country besides the US!
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 12:09 PM Flag-
Here is a biased opinion, but read away: http://www.sustainabletable.org/issues/rbgh/
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 12:13 PM Flagit is totally biased. there is no actual evidence that shows any link between consumption of nonorganic milk and cancer. in fact, studies show that there is no relationship.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:35 PM Flagplease link to said studies. I'm assuming, of course, these are unbiased studies?
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:57 PM Flaghttps://extension.usu.edu/files/publications/factsheet/FN-250_6.pdf
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 06:02 PM Flag-
http://download.journals.elsevierhealth.com/pdfs/journals/0022-0302/PIIS0022030292781193.pdf this isnt one either but it has references to the relevant studies
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 06:33 PM Flag
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Growth hormones are not natural and should not be given to small children. The US is the only Western country that continues to put the needs of corporations (Monsanto is the company responsible for most of the garbage in our food supply, including rBGH) in front of the needs of its people. Europe, Canada, and Australia do not allow these hormones in their milk or meat, and they force companies to label food correctly. Your lack of knowledge is what contributes to the issue. Become an informed consumer and please don't poison that child.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 12:15 PM Flag
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Not my thing, but given the height posts a few days back, I could see a mom being concerned. I'm worried about DS since he's shrimpy, I'm shrimpy, and my dad was pretty short (5'5").
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 04:43 PM Flagthank you! i'm not saying i would feed my ds harmful hormones, i'm just asking if feeding him nonorganic milk has any growth benefit.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:14 PM Flag
Actually a lot of the hormones that we take in medications for example are from animals.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 06:04 PM Flag
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http://www.preventcancer.com/consumers/general/milk.htm
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 12:18 PM Flagok, so here is my two cents: My family immigrated from India in the 70's along with DH's family, all our friends' families etc. and the bottom line is we are ALL around 1-4 inches taller than our parents of the same gender (girls. vs. moms boys vs. dads). I also got my period a lot earlier and they say that the hormones DELAY puberty in boys. We are huge believers in organic. I don't give a shit if my DS doesn't reach 6 feet. Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are not 6 feet. Even if they were I would not do it. You are exposing your child to negative long term health consequences. The milk today is MUCH WORSE than the milk in the 80s when we were growing up. Even my parents have switched to organic. Your job as a mother is to do the best you can, and compromising your child's health for a physical characteristic like height is negligence. My two cents.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 12:43 PM FlagThe kids who drink the non-organic milk will need the edge they get from their bigger size. They will have genetics working against them in terms of intellect. Mom wasn't smart enough to go organic.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 12:46 PM FlagLOL, but let's make sure we say mom AND DAD weren't smart enough. ;-)
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 12:50 PM FlagOh please. I guarantee I am smarter than you. I am not worried about my son's genetics. Both my dh and I graduated top honors from HYP.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 04:36 PM Flag-
Maybe but not enough heart to care about whether the kids get cancer 40 yrs from now.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 04:50 PM FlagOf course I care if my kids get cancer in the future. I am just saying that there is no actual evidence that feeding them nonorganic cancer puts them at any cancer risk. Here's an example. There is some indication that using a cell phone can lead to brain cancer. The evidence is not definitive but there may be a relationship. Are you going to stop using a cell phone? Didn't think so.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:19 PM Flag
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The country with the tallest people is The Netherlands. They also have the highest consumption of animal protein and the highest incidence of cancer...fyi
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 01:41 PM FlagI just had a doctor's appointment for my 2 year old. The doc said it was more important to buy organic fruits and veggies than dairy...just one doc's opinion, though.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 01:41 PM FlagNP: Do you know why he thinks this? I'm in nutrition, and I would say the opposite. Curious to hear his reasoning though!
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 04:38 PM FlagProbably bc no one has ever proven that nonorganic milk negatively impacts consumer health.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 04:41 PM FlagWell the same is true of non-organic fruits and veggies. Pesticides have been shown to have negative effects on health, though, and they are present in significant quantities in non-organic milk. Antibiotics have also been shown to have negative effects on health, and they're present in non-organic milk. And then there are the growth hormones, which we know less about... Fruits and veggies only have the pesticides, and after washing those levels go down.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 04:47 PM Flag-
That's not how it goes. When you ADD something to an otherwise normal food, it's your burden to show that it IS safe, not the other way around. But since you asked:
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:37 PM Flaghttp://www.sustainabletable.org/issues/rbgh/
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:37 PM Flagon breast cancer risk: http://www.preventcancer.com/press/conference/march14_95.htm
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:41 PM Flagagain, there is no actual evidence in this link. just because someone says something does not make it true. scientific evidence usually consists of a study with a well designed trial where a particular hypothesis is tested. did any of you people go to college and have to take an actual science course?
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:54 PM Flag
more on cancer risk: As reported in a May 9 article in The Lancet, women with a relatively small increase in blood levels of the naturally occurring growth hormone Insulin-like Growth Factor I (IGF-1) are up to seven times more likely to develop premenopausal breast cancer than women with lower levels. Based on those results, the report concluded that the risks of elevated IGF-1 blood levels are among the leading known risk factors for breast cancer, and are exceeded only by a strong family history or unusual mammographic abnormalities. Apart from breast cancer, an accompanying editorial warned that elevated IGF-1 levels are also associated with greater than any known risk factors for other major cancers, particularly colon and prostate.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:42 PM Flagand that's with the natural growth hormone. Imagine the chaos involved with the genetically engineered one.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:43 PM Flagthis response is shockingly stupid. growth hormone is not the same thing as IGF, get the facts straight. furthermore, IGF levels are higher in the blood of women with breast cancer. rbgh is not injected into the blood of people who consume nonorganic milk. in fact, it never makes it to the bloodstream at all.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:52 PM FlagOh really? Researchers at the FDA reported in 1990 that IGF-1 is not destroyed by pasteurization and that pasteurization actually increases its concentration in BST-milk. They also confirmed that undigested protein could indeed cross the intestinal wall in humans and cited tests which showed that oral ingestion of IGF-1 produced a significant increase in the growth of a group of male rats - a finding dismissed earlier by the Monsanto scientists(25). The most important aspect of these experiments is that they show that IGF-1 can indeed enter the blood stream from the intestines - at least in rats.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 06:02 PM Flag
yes this is true but it has nothing to do with nonorganic milk. igf is produced by cows in response to rbgh. when consumed by humans, igf is completely denatured in the stomach. consequently blood levels of igf are no different when comparing ppl who consume organic vs nonorganic milk. get a clue.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:49 PM Flag
http://www.ethicalinvesting.com/monsanto/bgh.shtml
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:46 PM Flag
Pesticides are found in nonorganic milk and organic milk. Do your reading. http://www.organic-center.org/reportfiles/Milk_Pesticides_FAQs.pdf
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:58 PM FlagYes, that is true, but the types and quantities are different. Pesticides are found in virtually all of our food sources because of their heavy use, but different foods have different amounts. The levels in non-organic are typically much higher. And, FWIW, the pdf you provide a link to is hardly a scientific document.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 06:45 PM Flag
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I thought that the hormones were contributing to early puberty, not size?
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 04:44 PM FlagThe growth hormone does not make the animals taller or bigger, it makes them produce more milk. It makes their udders bigger, painfully huge and swollen. It's about corporate profit. So, unless you want your son to have man-boobs (or if you care anything about the welfare of cows), you might want to avoid hormone-laced milk. Make no mistake: hormone-laced milk will NOT make your son grow any taller than he otherwise would. It could, however, make him hit puberty earlier or get cancer later.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:31 PM FlagWow, I am really surprised by all the obvious non-medical, non-scientists who speak with such passion and authority on this topic. The fact is that nonorganic milk from rBGH treated cows does not result in cancer, early puberty, man-boobs, or growth for that matter. The only thing it does is affect the cow. Not the human being drinking the milk.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:39 PM FlagNP: I'm a scientist, and I don't see how you can make that statement with such confidence. The truth is we don't KNOW the effects of rBGH on humans are. To say that it does not affect the human being drinking the milk is inaccurate. Our state of knowledge is not nearly good enough to say that.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:46 PM FlagIt absolutely affects humans, the same way it affected the rats they used in the initial safety study, promoting growths and tumors. Please READ and research for yourself rather than blindly following what you have been told by the FDA, which is in bed with agri-business.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:49 PM Flag-
I'm the scientist who posted above, and I don't see much evidence that you have done any real research into this subject. I don't understand where the self-righteous attitude is coming from. Some people overstated their case, and you did the same. You are just as guilty of stating something with no real evidence to back it up.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 06:42 PM Flagwhat are you suggesting? that i prove a null hypothesis with evidence? if you really are a scientist you should know that that is ridiculous.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 06:55 PM FlagOf course you can't prove the null. But you can do studies looking at safety for a variety of outcomes. This is standard, and it takes time. The record for rBGH is spotty, and the truth is we simply haven't had enough time to really assess the effects on humans... so the jury is still out. Are you suggesting that we shouldn't look at safety because it's impossible to prove the null? Really? Somebody is ridiculous...
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 07:20 PM Flag
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What they add is a gentically engineered hormone, not a natural hormone that we all have in our bodies anyway. It is extremely damaging to cows, as farmers can tell you, and I can't see why anyone would want to put it in their baby's body.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 05:39 PM Flagit is INJECTED into cows. a MINISCULE amount gets into the milk. a baby then consumes that tiny amount and it gets BROKEN DOWN in the stomach so that it DOES NOT EXIST in the bloodstream so it can not have any effect. and even if it did get into the bloodstream, it does not have the same effect in humans as it does in cows. it does not work like human growth hormone.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 06:05 PM Flag
Hey. If you want to feed your kid that stuff, fine. I say, even if there's a chance it could be damaging, why risk it when organic milk is right there? There's a reason Europe and Canada have banned rbgh. Plus, does no one else but me care at all about animal welfare? Even if rbgh didn't hurt people, it does hurt cows, so that's enough reason for me not to want it.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 06:11 PM Flag
[+] Breastfeeding in the hospital question: after delivery did ask your father and FIL to... 15 replies
Talk : : June 03, 2011
Breastfeeding in the hospital question: after delivery did ask your father and FIL to leave the room while trying to breastfeeding?
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.03.11, 09:04 AM Flag ]-
In the hospital, yes, because it was awkward and weird. But once I got home I fed my baby whenever he needed it and if they were uncomfortable they could leave.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 09:06 AM FlagNeither of them were there. DD and I were discharged after less than 36 hours (she was born just before midnight, so we only had one full day in the hospital). Grandparents were still on airplanes when we brought her home. Once we were home, it was easier and more comfortable for me to try to breastfeed sitting in my bed, so they just stayed in the kitchen or living room.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 09:12 AM FlagI asked everyone expect daddy to leave. From what I heard the in-laws weren't too happy about it but it's my choice and I needed to be calm and focused on the task at hand. I had to have the nurse come and help me and it was a very private moment with me and my baby. Glad I did.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 09:51 AM Flagi didn't invite anyone to the hospital. Not keen on having any member of my family see me in a hospital gown oozing fluids.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 10:39 AM Flag
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[+] Ugh - an old silver amalgam filling just chipped. I am breastfeeding my 4 month old ... 7 replies
Talk : : June 02, 2011
[+] Any MD moms on? Since I stopped breastfeeding 3.5mo ago, I have been getting period-l... 7 replies
Talk : : June 02, 2011
Any MD moms on? Since I stopped breastfeeding 3.5mo ago, I have been getting period-like pains mid cycle, possibly immediately after or during ovulation. Any ideas? Should I get worried? Thank you
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.02.11, 06:30 PM Flag ]
[+] So we're psyched. Our nanny has agreed to come back to work with us after having a b... 20 replies
- I'm SAHM. I raised 2 children, breastfeeding over a year for both of my children. I didn...
Talk : : June 02, 2011
So we're psyched. Our nanny has agreed to come back to work with us after having a baby. It's only 15-20 hrs/week over 2.5 days. Her baby will be about 6 weeks old when she comes back and she'll be bringing the baby which is toally cool. I have an 8 y/o and 6 y/o so they'll be fine (and they are psyched to have a baby in the house). I've taken out my pack n' play from the archives, got diaper, wipes, Buttpaste. Anything else I can do to make life easier so she'll stay? I've given her a raise, a phone card for certain amount of mins per month so she can call her family in Brazil, paid week of vacay, my work holidays off (paid) so we should be good on this front. I don't necessarily want to get all the baby stuff together (swing, gymini, etc). but want to have some stuff. What do you think?
20 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.02.11, 08:41 AM Flag ]-
I don't understand. when does she have time to babysit your children?
[ Reply | More ]06.02.11, 08:45 AM FlagOP; she needs $$. Irrelevant question as it's her choice. My kids only need to be watched when they're not at camp, schools, activities, playdates. She's been our nanny for almost 6 yrs so knows them like back of her hand. I don't need flames and snotty comments, just wondering if you think there is anything else that she would appreciate. She's part of the family.
[ Reply | More ]06.02.11, 08:50 AM FlagMaybe you can hire a nanny for her baby, so she can just relax the whole time she's over.
[ Reply | More ]06.02.11, 08:53 AM FlagI'm SAHM. I raised 2 children, breastfeeding over a year for both of my children. I didn
[ Reply | More ]06.02.11, 09:47 AM Flagsorry. problem with the network. Basically, I didn't leave my babies to anyone. I was able to do that because I had a full-time helper and a part time cleaning lady. I know how hard to take care of a baby since I did everything myself. I don't know what you're thinking, but I can't imagine your nanny working for your family with an infant of her own.
[ Reply | More ]06.02.11, 09:52 AM Flag
I can think of many ways this can all go badly, but if you are up for it, good luck. It sounds like you are good to go on the baby prep front. Do you have a quiet place for the baby to nap, or will your kids have to tiptoe around?
[ Reply | More ]06.02.11, 09:09 AM FlagWho is working for who? Why not start a college fund for her dc too? This is ridiculous.
[ Reply | More ]06.02.11, 09:14 AM FlagOP I think you are an amazing boss and your nanny is very lucky to have you.
[ Reply | More ]06.02.11, 09:48 AM Flag
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[+] How did you spend your time on maternity leave? 32 replies
- Cried a lot the first few weeks (was afraid I'd do something wrong plus had raging hormones), changed diapers, consoled DB, pumped and cleaned pump parts for first 2 months, stressed about breastfeeding, posted on UB, joined a new moms group in neighborhood that met weekly, worked out when DH would come home from work....
Talk : : June 01, 2011
How did you spend your time on maternity leave?
32 replies [ Reply | Watch | More06.01.11, 06:45 AM Flag ]-
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Nope. Not being sarcastic. I finished my research and wrote about 30 pages. It was on, get this, torture. I should have had it done by the time DS was born, but I procrastinated too much and had to finish it in the first 2 months of my baby's life. He napped for 3-hour stretches until the week after I turned the thesis in. I love my son! It would have been impossible once he exited the "fourth trimester."
[ Reply | More ]06.01.11, 06:58 AM Flag
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OP: did any of you make time to check in with work? do any conference calls, stuff like that? ie, I always feel a little guilty on materntiy leave because I have time to sleep, watch some tv, chill out. feel like I should be working or at least taking the newborn out so I can check in on museums or something that we otherwise don't have much time for.
[ Reply | More ]06.01.11, 06:56 AM FlagI did during my first maternity leave. I only took 3 months off, and I was responding to email every day and even phoned in to a bunch of conference calls. With my second one I took 6 months off, and as far as my work was concerned, I fell off the face of the earth. If they tried calling me, I wouldn't even pick up. But at that point, I was already considering quitting to SAH, so I cared A LOT less about my work.
[ Reply | More ]06.01.11, 06:58 AM FlagYou're on leave, and leave means that you are not working. Please don't check in at work because this will make it harder for the next woman on maternity leave to have her time without feeling like she's expected to work. If you are on leave but feel like you have to work, you are basically saying that maternity leave is not a valid excuse to not work, and that's not true. If the office really needs some info, they will contact you, and they should only contact you in case of an emergency.
[ Reply | More ]06.01.11, 07:06 AM FlagI hadn't thought of it this way and hear your point, but am hesitant to pretend I don't have time when I actually do and might enjoy it.
[ Reply | More ]06.01.11, 07:11 AM FlagYou are on leave! That means that you are not working. And downtime does not mean that you have to fill it with work stuff. Clean your house, read a book, make a baby book, fill the time with something not work-related. You'll be back to work soon enough and wish you had some downtime.
[ Reply | More ]06.01.11, 07:24 AM Flag
Do not work while on your leave -- if you are on STD, you may jeopardize your STD pay if you work. I know of some companies who turn off email accounts when employees are on leave. That said -- try and do all the fun things that you never have the chance to do while you are working...with the kids, of course!
[ Reply | More ]06.01.11, 08:17 AM Flag
Cried a lot the first few weeks (was afraid I'd do something wrong plus had raging hormones), changed diapers, consoled DB, pumped and cleaned pump parts for first 2 months, stressed about breastfeeding, posted on UB, joined a new moms group in neighborhood that met weekly, worked out when DH would come home from work.
[ Reply | More ]06.01.11, 07:24 AM Flag
[+] I am SO SICK of breastfeeding! My DS is 4.5 mos old. Tell me to keep going. 46 replies
- I ran myself ragged bfing too. Someone on UB recently referred me to an article "the case against breastfeeding" that was in the Atlantic in 2009. Do whatever you can do....
Talk : : May 31, 2011
I am SO SICK of breastfeeding! My DS is 4.5 mos old. Tell me to keep going.
46 replies [ Reply | Watch | More05.31.11, 07:05 PM Flag ]-
for heaven's sake, don't quit now! you're almost there! trust me, you really do NOT want to go through the which-formula-can-my-baby-tolerate, projectile vomiting, diarrhea/food allergies dance now.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 07:07 PM FlagIf I could have lasted that long I would have gone at least a year. Why do you hate it?
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 07:08 PM Flag-
If you are a SAHM you would be nuts to quit now! i mean, I am 10 months in, no period yet (doing a little rain dance), burns something like 500 calories a day, no bottles to wash or formula to mix, I have instant food ready wherever I am (just whip it out - with cover), and he loves it! Instant soothing! ?Now - if I was working and had to pump it would be another matter....
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 07:15 PM FlagHas it helped you lose the baby weight? Being able to eat yummy treats and stay skinny was my #1 motivation.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 07:25 PM FlagIf it's not working for you, and db doesn't want it, why do you keep doing it?
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 07:36 PM FlagWow, 4.5 months??? you have done ENOUGH!! I say pack it in. signed mother of a bottle-loving baby
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 07:43 PM Flag-
no it isn't, generations of babies have been fed formula and were perfectly fine.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 07:47 PM Flagor: The *attitude* is indeed frightening, regardless of whether formula is "perfectly fine" (which, of course, it's not). Impressed by 4.5 months, stating you've done "ENOUGH!!!" advice to "pack it in"? That's a sad and frightening maternal attitude.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 07:51 PM FlagI'm the 4.5 = ENOUGH responder. My baby hated nursing as much as I did. She got formula from the get-go, and you know what? she is FINE. Absolutely fine! Smart, skinny, beautiful, and she loves me. (I want to put "went to Hunter" here just to be extra snarky, but in fact she never took the test. . .)
[ Reply | More ]06.01.11, 06:45 AM Flag
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Don't feel pressure to keep going if you don't want to. Your DB will be fine. Happy mom= happy baby.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 08:18 PM FlagPosting a little late, so hope you see this, OP. My suggestion is to stop pumping and go to direct feeding only. The first couple of days will be a struggle but once the baby gets used to nursing again all of the no bottle benefits will be well worth it. With DC#1, I lasted 7 mos with a combo of struggling to direct feed, pumping and topping with formula. It was an exhausting mess. I was too paranoid that DC wouldn't get enough nourishment (pre-solids) if I just forced him to nurse but I now thing that was FTM craziness. With DC#2, I swore that if direct feeding didn't take again I would go to exclusive pumping. Wouldn't you know, I relaxed and it all came together. When BF works, it is so much simpler than bottles/formula. At 7.5 months, I now pump a little every couple of days to have enough milk for cereal but that's it.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 10:52 PM Flag-
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[+] Is it ok that my 26yo DD ate 2 cupcakes, 1 grilled cheese sandwich, 2 slices of pizza... 22 replies
- She just stopped breastfeeding a month ago. The twins are 17mo. She does run everyday....
Talk : : May 31, 2011
Is it ok that my 26yo DD ate 2 cupcakes, 1 grilled cheese sandwich, 2 slices of pizza, 1 string cheese, 1 banana and a handful of chips today? She is thin - 5'6 and 120lbs, but I worry that she may have an eating disorder. She also has DBs - twins. I don't see how she's eating like this and lost the 50lbs she gained during pregnancy.
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | More05.31.11, 03:53 PM Flag ]Is she brestfeeding? Does she work out? It does not sound like a ridculous amount, a grilled cheese is about 300 calories, the pizza is probably about 500-600 for 2 pieces unless extra large slices, string cheese 120 calories, a banana about 120 and handfull of chips about 150 so we are looking at less than 1500 calories, which is not a lot.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 03:57 PM Flag-
She just stopped breastfeeding a month ago. The twins are 17mo. She does run everyday.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 04:01 PM FlagWell, according to the USDA, someone who excercises 30 mins or less everyday of moderate physical exercise should consume about 2000 calories a day at the age of 26. Sounds like she can eat a bit more and maintain. Now, if she was your age, over 50, cut that down to only 1600 calories a day.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 04:05 PM Flag
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Totally normal. She needs it to chase those kids. I exercise, chase 3 kids, am in fantastic shape, and eat at least as much as you describe or more. If you are active you can et what you want. Especially if you are bf'ing twins!!! Is she? Not necessary tho to justify consumption.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 04:03 PM Flag-
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Why are you keeping track of what she eats? That's not your job.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 04:17 PM FlagAm I really the first to point out that this mother is scrutinizing every piece of food that her adult daughter is putting into her mouth? Good lord. I think OP needs to stop focusing on her daughter's meals so much?? If I were your daughter, I'd eat like crap in front of you just to bother you.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 04:17 PM Flag
[+] nursing question-i was told that my db is a poor sucker. i saw a couple of lactation... 7 replies
- I posted below about the nipple shield, and this makes me want to emphasize it. It makes breastfeeding more like using a bottle....
Talk : : May 31, 2011
nursing question-i was told that my db is a poor sucker. i saw a couple of lactation consultants whose advice I followed (ie, finger feeding, sns, some excercises). he started putting on weight. I have since went back to work and am pumping (side bar-my supply has cut in half since pumping). Point: when dn nurses from me he is smooshing his face into my breast and kicking his legs-totally restless. any clue why he does the smooshing and leg kicking?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More05.31.11, 11:53 AM Flag ]Mine does this because the size/shape of my breast and nipple make it hard for him to get a great latch w/o his face being jammed in there. Just today I tried using a Medela silicone nipple shield and it was the first time he ever latched on and stayed on. I would recommend trying one. You might need a consultant to show you how to use it--you need to put it on in a certain way to get your nipple sucked into it.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 12:21 PM Flagi'm sure he's fine, but if you're the type to leave no stone unturned, you might get him checked out by an OT who works with infants. different babies have different sensitivities, or kinks that make them uncomfortable. it explains SOME colic, even some GERD. Mine never got the suck/swallow thing down, diagnosed with issues when he had trouble with solids. there are different strategies for helping them chill, and enjoy feeding.
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 01:52 PM Flaga lot of this is stating the obvious, hope it doesn't annoy, but sometimes having a list of things to consider is helpful. good luck. http://www.mobimotherhood.org/MM/article-sensory2.aspx
[ Reply | More ]05.31.11, 02:06 PM Flag
[+] Please no bashing. I'm really worried. I took Prozac while pumping exclusively for t... 9 replies
- likely that there would be more delays if you'd been suffering from serious PPD than that that the prozac caused problems. And, 9m of even some breastmilk is so much more than most kids get, especially twins! (isn't it under 30% getting any breastfeeding at 6m, and I think that is singletons?) Agree with PPs, you may need to find help/support for yourself in this process....
Talk : : May 30, 2011
Please no bashing. I'm really worried. I took Prozac while pumping exclusively for twins as I had bad PPD. The twins are almost a year old and they each have delays. I began supplementing half formula and half breast milk at 4 1/2 months. I'm so worried and feel a sense of guilt. They were born at 37 1/2 weeks so being premature is not an excuse. I'm addressing the issues, but am just wondering if anyone out there has had a child or knows a child with a mom in my situation. what happened? thanks!
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | More05.30.11, 05:48 PM Flag ]Please dont feel guilty. I also have twins (I am the poster above) and I know many, many women with twins who do have some developmental delays as a twin pg is very difficult and extremely stressful on the body. Also, I know many women who took Prozac, Zoloft etc. during pg and BF and have not had issues w/ DC. Please dont blame yourself, you need to do what you need to do to stay mentally and physically well for your DC.
[ Reply | More ]05.30.11, 05:56 PM FlagI think twins in general are more likely to have delays. It's probably not related to Prozac.
[ Reply | More ]05.30.11, 05:57 PM FlagI am sorry that none of the professionals with whom you must be discussing DBs, and your own care--OB, pediatrician, specialists diagnosing delays, possibly a psychologist or psychiatrist--has been able to reassure you. Developmental delays are not the result of Prozac. And, and I mean this with kindness, I feel compelled to tell you that you don't seem quite rational. I hope you're still talking to someone about everything going on with your DB, and the Prozac.
[ Reply | More ]05.30.11, 09:49 PM FlagPlease don't spend any more time worrying about what has already happened. In any case, I think it would be much more likely that there would be more delays if you'd been suffering from serious PPD than that that the prozac caused problems. And, 9m of even some breastmilk is so much more than most kids get, especially twins! (isn't it under 30% getting any breastfeeding at 6m, and I think that is singletons?) Agree with PPs, you may need to find help/support for yourself in this process.
[ Reply | More ]05.30.11, 10:52 PM Flag
[+] I'm sure this is a stupid question, but I'm confused about why FTMs who aren't workin... 15 replies
- It's very hard to get quality rest in 2-3 hour increments. Taking 3 3-hour naps will not leave you as rested as sleeping for 9 hours straight. There's also the need to eat, shower, do laundry, etc. And breastfeeding can be exhausting too, at least it was for me....
Talk : : May 30, 2011
I'm sure this is a stupid question, but I'm confused about why FTMs who aren't working (SAHM, maternity leave, whatever) get so sleep-deprived. Don't newborns sleep all the time? I know they wake up to feed a lot, but if you're sleeping near the baby can't you just go back to sleep when the baby does? Not intended as an attack on anyone -- I'm legitimately confused and have not yet btdt.
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | More05.30.11, 01:34 PM Flag ]It's very hard to get quality rest in 2-3 hour increments. Taking 3 3-hour naps will not leave you as rested as sleeping for 9 hours straight. There's also the need to eat, shower, do laundry, etc. And breastfeeding can be exhausting too, at least it was for me.
[ Reply | More ]05.30.11, 01:38 PM FlagThey have to be fed every 2 hours. That takes 45 minutes each time. Then you go back to sleep but it might take 15-20 min to fall asleep. An hour later, it's time to feed the baby again. This goes on 24/7. So during ten day, you might need to get other stuff done, like cooking, laundry, care for older kids. This results in very little, very interrupted sleep. I would never have believed it myself until I did it.
[ Reply | More ]05.30.11, 01:41 PM FlagIt depends on how good a sleeper your db is and how easily you fall back to sleep. I have terrible insomnia and 2 of my 3dc were colicky, slept in fits and starts, and always wanted to be held. If you luck out with a db who sleeps 5-6hrs by 6-8 wks old, you will be okay. But most dbs sleep in short bursts and unless you can instantly fall back to sleep, you get very little continous sleep.
[ Reply | More ]05.30.11, 01:48 PM FlagYou've just honestly never BTDT - it's not that easy to sleep during the day for most people -- and FTMs are clueless. I didn't put my first DB down while on mat leave -he would only sleep in my arms or in the stroller during the day - so I was either holding him or walking w/ him. I did get a few naps in w/ #2- but not many. I had a toddler as well - and even w/ a FT nanny, I did try to spend some quality time with my toddler during the days whenever possible - I'd nurse -take toddler to playground - come back, exchange kids - nurse more - take a walk w/ DB -- nurse more.. It's not an easy job - IDK how SAHMs do it - it's never ending!!
[ Reply | More ]05.30.11, 02:26 PM FlagI was a SAHM for 5 years, and those were the best, most restful years of my life. I got to nap during the day. I also got through a lot of the housework/shopping/errands during the day, so when the kids went to bed in the evening, I had a lot of time to rest or spend with DH. Now that I work full time I am a lot more exhausted.
[ Reply | More ]05.30.11, 02:29 PM FlagThe bet time I had was after #2 was born. #1 was 2 yo and dh was working away from home. I had a cleaner, ordered in or bought ready made food from the store. slept when the children slept and did not have to "entertain" dh in the evening. I coslept with both children . Unfortunately after 6 months dh changed his job and life became more difficult
[ Reply | More ]05.30.11, 02:39 PM FlagI'm still recovering from sleep dep. 19 years later--lol! Feeding (esp. nursing) is a tiring thing--hormone issues too as well as the desire to get everything else done while the baby naps. Not to mention the d*mn phone ringing from people wanting to know how you're doing too.
[ Reply | More ]05.30.11, 02:52 PM FlagThat worked GREAT for me with the first db. I was never sleep deprived. Honest. Slept when the baby slept, didn't cook or keep house (had a great dh to do that). BUT - when it is the second db - you have a toddler who is awake and active all day - so it doesn't work anymore.
[ Reply | More ]05.30.11, 03:08 PM Flag
[+] Anyone on the older side (over 40) want to get pregnant with number two but still fin... 7 replies
Talk : : May 29, 2011
Anyone on the older side (over 40) want to get pregnant with number two but still finish breastfeeding number one? How did you handle this since you can't get pregnant until you ovulate and usually don't ovulate when EBF?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | More05.29.11, 05:33 PM Flag ]If you really want to have a second and you're over 40, you should wean. I hear sometimes about women ovulating while still bfing, but I would not count on it. I'm sure you know how it gets harder literally month to month at this age. If you can have a second, the fact that you EBFed will be little comfort.
[ Reply | More ]05.29.11, 06:13 PM FlagHave to keep your eye on the big picture. Yes, women can get pregnant while BF, and yes, women can get pregnant over 40, but both are tough, while double the odds against you. BF for 6 months v. 1 year won't make much difference for DC #1 but it might be the difference between having one or two DCs.
[ Reply | More ]05.29.11, 06:56 PM Flag
[+] 2 weeks postpartum. I like DB, but I don't love her yet. Am I normal or am I a mons... 74 replies
- kept my anxiety at bay and was so proud of myself. And then ds was born and I was just a mess. A total mess. Breastfeeding was a disaster, I couldn't put him down for two minutes, he wouldn't sleep. I swear, the baby was held for 8...will be all over in a year, you will be out of the crazy, hazy baby world, and all the awful crap about nappies, breastfeeding, cutesy bullsh*t and can go on walks and talk and play with your kid, things will be better. But it's not easy...
Talk : : May 26, 2011
2 weeks postpartum. I like DB, but I don't love her yet. Am I normal or am I a monster?
74 replies [ Reply | Watch | More05.26.11, 04:12 PM Flag ]is she your first? Are you going through a depression? I wouldn't say you're a monster. I don't understand what you're feeling since I loved my dcs while they were still in utero and it grew as soon as I saw them. I hope this passes. GL
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:16 PM FlagShe's my first. I was never excited while pregnant either, and while I'm not depressed (I've had serious bouts of depression in the past, and this isn't it), I think it's just that it's an enormous, enormous life-change happening very quickly. DH is over the moon in love with her and doesn't understand where I'm coming from at all. But he also gets to leave the house to go to work.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:43 PM Flag
You are normal. Not everyone bonds instantly. Do you feel anxious or depressed?
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:19 PM FlagThank you. I feel gloomy and overwhelmed, but not depressed -- I've been superdepressed in the past, and it's a different feeling. Does that make sense?
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:46 PM FlagYes, there is a grieving process that takes place (at least for me it did) with the first db. You give up so much of your old life, maybe you quit your job, or are on mat leave. Suddenly you have this needy creature and you have been through so much physically. It's a lot. I had terrible anxiety for a year, I really suffered. When it went away I realized I had been having ppd. Talk to your dr. at your checkup. You will get through this, OP, you already sound like a great mom.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 05:55 PM FlagThat's the thing: I'm a teacher, so I'd be on summer break soon anyway, but it's so different, even though I'm used to having a certain amount of not-at-work, unstructured time. I just feel like I'm very tired (though DH and I are splitting the waking-up-at-night duties) and like I should be in LOVE with db, when in real life I kind of want to take a nap and read a book and have my normal life. Did not anticipate that.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 06:05 PM FlagOR: It's the biggest adjustment I've ever had. I kept waking up for at least a year thinking, "I've got a freaking baby!" It was crazy. I also quit my job and moved to a new state so it was all different, but no matter how you slice it, it's an enormous change in your life. When db is sleeping, sit down and read a book and don't clean or make the bed or all the things you think you should. Or take a nap. The days are long, but it will get better very soon.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 06:29 PM Flag
totally normal. difficult time, but it will pass quickly. stay healthy and eat well. get as much rest as possible.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:20 PM FlagI agree that it can be totally normal. It was for me. I cried when I first saw my baby and was overwhelmed with happiness. But it wasn't the real "love" that has grown every day since then-- now that DC is 3, there is nothing in the world that compares to the love I feel for him. For the first few months, I was exhausted, and would daze or drift off while breastfeeding-- which felt so wrong to me as people are always shown whispering and talking to their DB while feeding. And I didn't feel the intense love for my DC while in-utero as other's describe. But I challenge you to find someone who loves their child more than me now. Please don't stress-- the love is there, but your ability to feel it and express it will grow.
[ Reply | More ]05.27.11, 01:20 AM Flag
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Normal, watch out for ppd. Took me 6 months to bond. Looking back I realize I had some depression
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:26 PM Flag-
I am so not into babies. Loved ds in an abstract way until he started showing some personality, walking, talking. Now he's the love of my life (he's 2).
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:28 PM Flagyes! i just posted below, and i totally agree with your sentiment!
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:36 PM FlagITA, too. My dc's are teenagers and I have loved them more with each passing stage. Maybe not the norm, but they're just much more interesting people now!
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 05:03 PM Flag
I think it's normal, but agree you should watch out for ppd or anxiety. I had both, and was so overwhelmed that I found it difficult to bond with baby. Of course I loved him simply because he was mine, but it doesn't compare with the tremendous amount of love I started to feel for him at 7 months, which also doesn't compare with how much in love with him I am now at 2.5. I also learned a lot about myself, I'm not so into new babies. Some of my friends are and while they're struggling with toddler issues, I much prefer this age! Take care of yourself, and be sure to speak to your doctor if you have signs of ppd.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:36 PM FlagThis is comforting: I DO want to do things like heed her, take care of her, things like that. But I don't feel like I love her yet since (like someone above said), she doesn't have a lot of personality to show -- mostly eating, sleeping, pooping, and crying. I think I'll feel differently when she can focus her eyes and we can interact better.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:45 PM Flaghang in there! wait till she smiles at you and starts laughing...and each month gets better and better. I'm telling you I wasn't gaga over my newborn, and now he's 2.5 and I can't get enough of him, I'm head over heels. And I'm not perfect, but I think I'm a pretty good mom. Don't doubt yourself, it will come. We underestimate what a tremendous change this is in our lives. And hormonally, you are all over the place right now, I didn't really feel like myself again for months. Talk to someone, a friend, a doctor,or a therapist. It's better to let these things out then keep them bottled up.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:51 PM FlagSmiling will be HUGE for me. I talk to her nonstop, read to her, sing to her, all that, but it feels like I"m talking to myself (which is so selfish and stupid a way to feel, but it's what it is). It feels like I'm going through the motions pretty effectively -- DH had no idea how I felt until I confessed today -- but it's totally faking it so far.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:54 PM Flag
normal. just keep an eye for signs of post partum: wanting to hurt db, feeling like you're unable to care for db or yourself (I don't mean the usual that everyone feels with a new db, but really unable to cope)
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:38 PM FlagHow do you tell the difference between "I can't cope and it's normal" and "I can't cope and I need to seek help?"
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:48 PM FlagFor me, it was the 6 week postpartum checkup. Everyone told me how the first week was so awful. So I thought if I could just get through that I'd be ok....well I was trying to just get through each week and finally at 6 weeks, I told my doctor, I just don't feel ok, I don't think I'm handling this well.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:52 PM FlagDid you wind up needing medication, or was there something else?
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:55 PM FlagI really didn't want meds, bc I'd been there before (had anxiety issues in the past) but I knew I needed to get better and it seemed out of my control. Zoloft helped tremendously, seriously within the first week and a half I was feeling more like myself. Still totally confused and sleep deprived but I was ME again and I felt better. I stayed on it for a year, and now I manage myself with exercise, lots of yoga and running. Not everyone needs meds, but I would do it again with my next child if I needed to. You can always try other things first, maybe just therapy will help, or a new mom's support group.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 05:00 PM FlagI think exercise will also help, once I can do it again. I used to work out a lot, and I don't actually ENJOY it, but weirdly I can't wait to get back to moving around. I feel like I'm just stuck in the house (though I do take her out for walks around the neighborhood), which is probably not helping.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 05:04 PM Flaghonestly, i really feel for you, i had such a hard time in the beginning, it can be such a difficult time to go through even though it's supposed to be the happiest time in your life. that makes it even more confusing (and you make yourself feel awful for not being happy). i'm happy to stay here and talk to you if you'd like! i'd even give you my number if you needed someone to talk to.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 05:05 PM FlagThat's probably a piece of it, too -- the idea that you should be the happiest of your life. And my husband IS the happiest of his life, which makes me feel really, really unsuccessful at motherhood.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 05:09 PM Flagyes, my husband reacted differently than i did too. but he got to go to work everyday and be an adult and have moments to himself. and then he'd travel and get to sleep in a hotel for an entire 8 hours. what you are experiencing is very different from what he is experiencing. as long as you are taking care of your baby, feeding her, changing her, holding her and comforting her, then you are the best mom you can be right now. everyone around you is oohin and aahhing over the baby and you are angry with yourself for not being over the moon. people don't like to talk about how the happiest thing in your life can actually start out as a very difficult period. the only thing i held onto was people who i confided in telling me it WILL get better. it was a mantra i swear i repeated for months.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 05:14 PM FlagThat's the other thing: that everyone wants to talk about her, which is GREAT and I totally understand it, but there's also a feeling of being totally subsumed by Being A Mother. If that makes sense. (Thanks for the offer to stay and talk, also -- this is the only time EVER I've found UB a helpful and friendly place and I really appreciate it.)
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 05:44 PM FlagIt's a big deal. I swear I'm still processing the whole chain of events of becoming a mom. I'm happy to listen and share my own experiences. I was so thrown by how I felt. I had an easy pregnancy and kept my anxiety at bay and was so proud of myself. And then ds was born and I was just a mess. A total mess. Breastfeeding was a disaster, I couldn't put him down for two minutes, he wouldn't sleep. I swear, the baby was held for 8 whole weeks before he could let us put him down in the bouncy seat or stroller without screaming nonstop. The first two nights home from the hospital my mom was there and I just couldn't get him to stop crying and I told her I thought i made a huge mistake, that there was no way I could do this. I got help and got better. Not everyone needs medication adn therapy, but I did. Looking at me today, you would be surprised to know that about me. I'm sure i look very put together like I've got it all figured out, but trust me....I was a disaster. You will get through this, and you will love your child and be a great mom to her. I wish you lots of luck (sorry for my awful typing!)
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 06:13 PM FlagHah. Breastfeeding. It is so, so not happening. I tried, but no. Not at all. I've had some success putting her in a sling, but a stroller is just hilarious disaster, and anything else, oy vey. My mother tells me that I need to let her cry for a few minutes before I run to pick her up, but then I just feel guilty.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 06:17 PM Flag
IME, I can't cope normal was a bad morning cause db wouldn't stop crying and I couldn't shower, or a particularly rough night and thinking I didn't want to do this anymore, but every time that happened I was back to ok by the next day, or even later that day once I got sleep or help. I think if you're feeling that way all the time and long term (weeks on end), then you should ask dr about it. I've been on medication several times for depression so I knew what to look for in myself. Both times with newborns were tough, but neither made me feel absolutely hopeless for weeks on end. And ps - I "loved" db1 at about 6 months, and "loved" db2 at about 1 year.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 04:56 PM Flag
Given a history of serious depression, it would be a very good idea to check in with someone. It is easier to keep a balloon up in the air, than it is to re-inflate it after it crashes. The fact that you don't feel as bad as you did when you had "superdepressed" episodes is great, but doesn't mean you wouldn't benefit from some help. If you've seen someone in the past who was helpful, reach to her/him. And please, please aim low. Load up on whatever help in re food, cleaning, company, etc... that you can afford or get from (helpful) family or friends. Take very good care of yourself.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 05:01 PM FlagI know of at least two women who didn't want to take their babies home from the hospital. They felt nothing but anxiety and fear. It quickly passed. Give yourself some more time but it wouldn't hurt to mention to OB.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 05:19 PM FlagI am sorry you're going through this! I felt the same as you. It took me months and months to really start feeling like I LOVED DB. I was so embarassed and ashamed and I faked it big time. Around 3 months old I started having bad anxiety - I had quit work and realized that there was no going back - I was full time at home tending the needs of a newborn and I didn't really enjoy it. I ended up telling my OB I was having a hard time and they were great - rallied around me and I got some help. Around 7 months things started coming around and I started bonding more with my baby. She is now almost five years old and I can't get enough of her!!! You may just start bonding in time, but it wouldn't hurt to tell your OB you're having a hard time. They have definitely seen it before and can help you with whatever you need. Good luck!
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 06:26 PM Flag(i'm the poster who keeps responding) saw your post about your mom saying to let her cry....i was afraid to let ds cry, that's why we held him for 8 weeks nonstop! looking back i realize it was a bit crazy. but i was scared of everything- putting a shirt over his head, giving him a bath, letting him cry for even 10 seconds in the bassinet. Please be patient with yourself. Take one day at a time and do the best you can. If you can get your mom or dh or anyone to sit with her for awhile, do something for yourself, a manicure, read a magazine, take a nap (you probably need that for sure). Find another mom to talk to. I actually didn't find the new mom's group helpful bc I kept comparing myself to other moms who seemed so happy (I specifically remember one crying at a meeting about how she didn't want to go back to work bc she just loved spending every minute of the day with her 3 month old. I felt awful about myself- I WISHED i could've gone back to work at 3 months!) I felt better talking to moms who's kids were already 1 or 2 yrs.....they seemed more open to being truthful about how hard the beginning is. I felt like all the new moms around me were putting on a show about how awesome having a newborn is, whereas I just wanted to speak the truth- if someone asked me how I was doing I wanted to say "Look, I'm grateful to have a healthy baby, but honestly this sucks. I'm exhausted, I feel like a prisoner to a 6 lb alien, and I want my old life back".
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 06:26 PM FlagNormal! I felt as you did until maybe six months or so. While no one around me saw it, I absolutely suffered from PPD, which spiked around five months. I wish I had sought help, but made my way through and took impeccable care of dd none the less. DD is 16mo now and I love her more with each passing day.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 06:29 PM FlagI think it's normal for some women, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't seek help. There is no reason to suffer through these feelings if you don't have to. I went through the same feelings after DB#1 and it was really hard. I couldn't understand why I didn't just adore this new baby. For what it's worth, I did start bonding later in the first year, and I have had two more DBs since then and bonded immediately. For me, I think it was more the huge transition from life with no kids to life with kids - once I had made the transition, I didn't experience the depression/anxiety that I did with the first. Hope that makes sense. Good luck!
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 06:30 PM Flagi'm not the op,just one of the responders, but that actually really helps me feel better! i had such a hard time with my first and we are in such a good place right now. we want a second, but it really scares me (and dh) to think that i might go through feeling that way again. it's nice to hear that the second and third time were better for you. I want to have another and enjoy them more in the beginning, i'm really hoping it will be better that the first time around.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 06:40 PM FlagI am glad it helped. I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant with #2 and was anxious the entire pregnancy. As I said, for me, I think the hardest thing about #1 was "giving up" my old life. By the time #2 came around (less than 2 years later), we were in a good place, too. I had gotten used to my new life and was really enjoying being a mom. I think that's why I didn't have any of those same feelings - it was such a blessing! I hope you'll have the same experience - good luck!
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 06:48 PM Flagthank you so much! i agree the hardest thing about #1 was how your life if just turned upside down- everything is different. I mean, of course you KNOW that's going to happen, but then it actually happens and it's so much harder than what i expected. I have a 2.5 yr old now and we're in such a good place. I love staying home with him, love being a mom, but we are so scared of what will happen with #2. I'm hoping we'll feel ready to start trying soon, because I really do want to have another. Reading what you wrote really makes me feel hopeful that I might have a different experience next time.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 07:06 PM Flag
Very normal. I quite honestly don't really like babies. I was so glad when my daughter turned one and started becoming a person. Love toddlers, not so much babies. I think it took at least 9-12mths for me to bond properly with her. I don't think I was depressed or anything. Newborns are just hard, hard work. Once you accept that, and that it will be all over in a year, you will be out of the crazy, hazy baby world, and all the awful crap about nappies, breastfeeding, cutesy bullsh*t and can go on walks and talk and play with your kid, things will be better. But it's not easy, that first year.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 09:21 PM FlagPretty normal but I would reccommend getting child care for one or two days a week for a few hours just to have some time away. That will make a big difference. You could be back in some of the depression and if it continues to trouble you, talk with your Dr. about it.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 10:52 PM Flagop are you sitll watching? this is going to sound cheesy, but i also think you should read brooke shields's book, down came the rain. she speaks so openly about her ppd and it was helpful for me to read while i was going through the same kinds of emotions and struggles. i definitely recommend it.
[ Reply | More ]05.27.11, 10:24 AM Flag
[+] Leaving NYC finally! What a sh*thole. Don't have to associate myself with you crazy N... 27 replies
- Right. Which is why I loathe SF. 40+ women breastfeeding their 4yos at the playground. I could go on....
Talk : : May 25, 2011
Leaving NYC finally! What a sh*thole. Don't have to associate myself with you crazy NY moms anymore, SF here I come.
27 replies [ Reply | Watch | More05.25.11, 03:12 PM Flag ]Thank god you're leaving. I've been waiting for this day. Now I don't have to associate with YOU anymore, bitch.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 03:13 PM Flag-
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I love SF!! You, however, sound like you will hate anywhere you go.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 03:23 PM FlagI love SF. However, if you are trying to avoid crazy moms, that's not the place to go.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 03:24 PM Flag-
NP...I am. Micromanaging chalk sharing....can see it in SF, along with sand toys, ensuring crackers are only gluten-free organic, etc.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 03:32 PM Flag
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[+] Holy, this child is sucking the life out of me, one boob at a time. Lord, please let ... 15 replies
- mom with two ds's- breastfeeding was the hardest thing I did, harder than the pregnancy and deliveries and everything else thus far. so speak for yourself....
- ditto here too, breastfeeding with the most misery inducing part of the whole thing for me, I was so much happier when I quit...
Talk : : May 25, 2011
Holy, this child is sucking the life out of me, one boob at a time. Lord, please let me last till he is 4 months!
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | More05.25.11, 10:24 AM Flag ]-
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The first few months are hard that way, but it does get better. In the summer you will appreciate always having fresh milk on tap as you get out and about more. Don't agree that this is the 'easiest" phase by any means; it's a huge adjustment period. Other things get harder but this gets easier.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 10:34 AM FlagOh man, I miss that phase. Haven't read the New Yorker since then, and now my brain is dead.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 10:49 AM Flag
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[+] I feel like I am 12 all over again. My best friend has been treating me like crap sin... 17 replies
- and, in turn, other responsibilities. The girls who marry early have all of the support and fun and the girls who marry later when friends have dear babies have a different experience because it's hard to go out partying when your breastfeeding and also hard to steal moments to shower sometimes much less hold another adult woman's hand while she plans her wedding. Call your moms, they will help you....
Talk : : May 25, 2011
I feel like I am 12 all over again. My best friend has been treating me like crap since she got engaged and married. I have 2 dcs and wasn't as available and reliable during her wedding planning as I should have been. She has badmouthed other friends to me so much in the past, and now it is clear that I am the one she badmouths by telling all of her friends what a crappy friends she thinks I have been. I have apologized umpteen times, and finally told her I give up, and explained that I have a lot going on in my life and I'm sorry I didn't meet her expectations in terms of supporting her during her engagement. I know this sounds so crazy, but I miss her and I hate that she is holding a grudge. I shouldn't care so much, but I do-it is constantly on my mind.
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | More05.25.11, 08:25 AM Flag ]It's a drag to be in a bad place with a friend...give it some time. When she has kids, she'll come around.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 08:26 AM Flagshe sounds like an a-hole. just wait until she has kids, she will feel like a complete idiot for torturing you.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 08:28 AM FlagITA. Motherhood should grant you instant dispensation from ever having to be part of a bridal party. Brides should realize that women at this stage of their lives are SO over that kind of thing and if you want someone to gush over all your wedding details, ask your 19-year-old cousin to be your bridesmaid.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 09:36 AM Flag
Let me guess...she was supportive and there for you when you were engaged and married? I'm going through this right now with a friend, except in reverse. I'm trying to be patient with her though since she has a 5 month old. I have moments of being upset with her because I held her hand through every step of her wedding planning process, contributed a ton of time and money, and she has done NOTHING for me. But she seems so frazzled all the time I just really feel sorry for her more than anything. And her DH is totally useless. Luckily I have a ton of single friends who have gone above and beyond for me in the wedding planning process! Good luck, but it sounds like you may just have to let the friendship go. Some friendships just don't stand the test of time, even when we always assumed they would.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 08:39 AM Flagfor. the. love. Is this an episode of bridezillas? It's all fun and bachelorette parties and supporting each other until someone has a young child, 2 young children and, in turn, other responsibilities. The girls who marry early have all of the support and fun and the girls who marry later when friends have dear babies have a different experience because it's hard to go out partying when your breastfeeding and also hard to steal moments to shower sometimes much less hold another adult woman's hand while she plans her wedding. Call your moms, they will help you.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 09:00 AM FlagWow. Someday you too will have a five month old, and you will call your friend and apologize, saying "I'm sorry, I just didn't get it." And you will wish that you had been more patient and not alienated your friends who had kids before you, because you will need a ton of help and advice from them. Just saying.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 09:09 AM FlagI guess I wasn't clear because you all are attacking me needlessly-my point is that I AM giving her a break, and I am trying to be understanding of her complete inability to be helpful right now. Unlike OP's friend, I realize that as a young mother she is frazzled and her husband isn't helpful with caretaking. If OP's friend can't come to the same conclusion, it is apparent that the friendship is over. Forgiveness and understanding are a big part of having people in your life for the long haul-and that is obviously lacking between OP and her friend.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 09:17 AM Flag
I had an experience similar to this years ago although did not know it at the time. I was single and MOH at then BF's wedding. She told me years later that I had not been supportive and did not DO enough. I was truly clueless. When I got married years later I felt like it was my responsibility to plan my wedding with the help of my fiance and mother. Never expected friends to do anything but show up. I just think people take different approaches. You're either a bridezilla or not.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 08:57 AM FlagITA. Except that we mostly planned it ourselves and our siblings were helping with some minor stuff. I never understood that overblown Bridezilla business. If you cannot deal with the planning of your own wedding and need people to hold your hand and help you above and beyond anything reasonable then honestly, delay the wedding. You're not cut out for married life.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 09:09 AM Flag
If she is your "best friend" you should have made more of an effort. The only reason you are now obsessing is because you know you did something wrong.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 09:27 AM FlagI don't understand why adults need so much "support" in the course of regular life functions. She was getting married, not going through chemo! Sounds like one of the real housewives to me "you didn't support me at my pinot grigio launch/my charity dog show/my anal bleaching."
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 09:34 AM Flag
[+] Help! I just found out my midwife no longer delivers at Lenox Hill. I need to find ... 17 replies
- private room on post partum for free (double room no roommate). The post partum nurses were pretty bad, but I had my first at a well respected NYC hospital and they were equally as bad. I didn't care because I didn't have problems breastfeeding and I didn't need them for anything else. I was worried about the what ifs too (c-section or NICU) but luckily it wasn't an issue. However, we did need to interact with the pediatricians (dd's foot was turned in and she was...
Talk : : May 24, 2011
Help! I just found out my midwife no longer delivers at Lenox Hill. I need to find someone who is VBAC friendly and would take a new patient at 36 weeks. I am looking for VBAC friendly OBs at Lenox. Any opinions on Irving Buterman, Lisa Johnson or others that take insurance? I am also considering just paying Musali/Worth the $4,000 they would charge even though my insurance doesn't reimburse out of network, but then I would have no $ for a doula. AGGGGHHH!!!
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | More-
She just told me. I guess she is having a hard time getting OBs at Lenox to agree to be her backup since they are all so busy and she has been left with backup only on weekends and that guy is going away for June. She is now redirecting her patients to Long Island College Hospital in Brooklyn. I went to visit and cannot get comfortable with potentially having another c-section there or having a baby in its NICU. So we are looking for a transfer.
[ Reply | More ]05.24.11, 03:34 PM FlagActually, yeah, not to give you a hard time, but how is it that you were just told now? I hope it's because your midwife was just told now. Best of luck with everything.
[ Reply | More ]05.24.11, 03:34 PM FlagI also hope its because she just found out. All I know is that up until my most recent appointment with her, all conversation was centered around me delivering at Lenox and then at my 34 week appointment she dropped the bomb. I think she was trying to fix it and hoped it would be fixed in time for my end of June due date and when it wasn't, she told me.
[ Reply | More ]05.24.11, 03:40 PM FlagWe just had the bomb dropped on us too by Maureen Rayson. She led us down the path, then started suggesting we tour LICH that there MIGHT be some issues with her ability to deliver at Lenox...and then "I can't deliver at Lenox during the month of June because I don't have coverage, you'll have to go to LICH or transfer to a doctor."
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 01:41 AM Flag
I'm delivering with Mussalli and Worth and on their website there are a lot of links to doula websites, one of which describes rates from almost nothing, up to the 1-2k range. It is probably a newer doula who costs very little, but if you go the Village OB route, that's a good option. Good luck- also, the OB who covers for Worth and Mussalli, Saul Stromer, probably takes insurance. That's a guess. His # is on their site as well.
[ Reply | More ]05.24.11, 03:31 PM FlagI don't know if this helps, but I delivered at LICH and had a really good experience. The staff really respected my midwife and we got priority for the rooms with the birth tubs. We never saw a doctor or anesthesiologist the whole time I was in labor (never needed one). I got s private room on post partum for free (double room no roommate). The post partum nurses were pretty bad, but I had my first at a well respected NYC hospital and they were equally as bad. I didn't care because I didn't have problems breastfeeding and I didn't need them for anything else. I was worried about the what ifs too (c-section or NICU) but luckily it wasn't an issue. However, we did need to interact with the pediatricians (dd's foot was turned in and she was jaundiced) and they were reasonable and thoughtful and said the exact same thing our private ped said when we brought dd in the next day. Just a thought if you like your midwife and would prefer to stay with her.
[ Reply | More ]05.24.11, 05:09 PM FlagI'm assuming your midwife in Maureen Rayson so correct me if I'm wrong...I'm with you on not delivering at LICH as my husband is adamant about not going to BK when we live within walking distance of Lenox. So we're in the same predicament and I feel like we've been left hanging after being with her from week 6 of pregnancy. Hopefully she'll find an additonal back-up or be willing to work with the attending on service at the time of our births. Good luck!
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 10:51 AM FlagI didn't want to use names, but yes. The problems with LICH go beyond traveling to Brooklyn. We toured it and it looked and felt like a state run hospital and it was filthy. There was gooey stuff on walls, every corner was filled with dirt and hair, whole sections of dry wall were ripped out of the walls and paint was peeling everywhere else. I felt like I needed a shower after we left. They told me that with a vaginal birth, I would be out in 24 hours, but with my first, I had a c-section and a baby in the NICU so I am worried it will happen again and I can't imagine having surgery or having my baby in the NICU at LICH when my insurance will pay for Lenox and I also live within walking distance of Lenox. I asked her about getting an attending to back her up but she said there was only one she would be comfortable asking since everyone is so busy there. I know she is trying to fix the problem, but I didn't detect too much optimism in her voice when I asked her if it would be fixed by the time I have another baby. If you don't want to go to LICH, I would start looking for alternatives now. If you aren't a VBAC, maybe it would be easier for her to rely on attendings. Make sure you ask her, lock her down! Dr. Buterman agreed to take me, but I am also going to check with Dr. Johnson.
[ Reply | More ]05.25.11, 03:02 PM Flagis this all true?? i just transfered to maureen, and only did so once i confirmed she was back at lenox hill. my husband and i met with her for a consultation earlier in the pregnancy, and were told she was no longer at lenox
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 10:09 AM Flagsorry, new to posting here. will try again... is this all true?? i just transfered to maureen, and only did so once i confirmed she was back at lenox hill. my husband and i met with her for a consultation earlier in the pregnancy, and were told she was no longer at lenox but was trying to get back. once we were told that had happened, we transfered. reading this is really making me nervous because it seems we may have been mislead and will be told at the eleventh hour that LICH is the only option. i am not comfortable with that in the least.
[ Reply | More ]05.26.11, 10:21 AM FlagI just saw her on 5/25/11 and she did not seem optimistic about getting coverage at Lenox and I got the feeling that she was shifting everything to LICH. I have heard that she is losing a lot of patients over this. I really feel bad for her. St. Vincent's gave her no notice and she couldn't deliver babies for 4 months and then she gets set up at Lenox and then her backups desert her and the only place she can turn is LICH and now her patients are deserting her. It is hard for midwives to get backup since OBs are so busy and overwhelmed with their own practices and since Lenox isn't a faculty hospital, the hospital can't pressure OBs to back up the midwives. Maybe Maureen feels that she can get good coverage with the attendings, but she told me that there was only one attending she would be comfortable asking to backup a VBAC and that the other attendings are very busy. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.
[ Reply | More ]05.29.11, 07:33 AM FlagYes it is all true. We are in a really bad situation because of this. I don't think she is being completely upfront about her situation at Lenox. There is something funny going on here, because I dont think anyone all-of-a-sudden discovers they don't have doctor coverage at a hospital. You have to see it coming. If anyone has any suggestions for a reputable midwife at Lenox or Roosevelt that will accept in 37th week (lol I know...), please post. Thanks.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 01:46 AM FlagI found out that Maureen has known about her backup issues at Lenox since at least March of this year. I don't know why she waited to tell me until May when I was 34 weeks pregnant, but I can't let it get to me because I need to have as little stress as possible in the next couple of weeks. I hope she was just trying to fix the situation and waited until she realized she couldn't get backup to tell me (not excusable, but understandable). Unfortunately, since I am finding out how hard it is to get a doctor to take a VBAC at 37 weeks, the cynical New Yorker side of me wonders if she was just boxing me in. When I told her I wanted to transfer, she started saying things like, "well, are you sure you can find a doctor who will take your insurance? Insurance companies are changing their policies and a lot of doctors at Lenox aren't taking your insurance anymore..." and "my website clearly says that I deliver at LICH and Lenox, I never promised that you would deliver at Lenox" (actually, her website only lists Lenox, my file says that I will deliver at Lenox and I had never even heard of LICH until she told me that is where I would have to deliver and exactly one week before this she gave me information on when to tour the maternity ward at Lenox and how to pre-register at Lenox) and "what is more important, the hospital or the care provider?" This week, I transferred to Dr. Johnson who is wonderful and delivers at Lenox and takes my insurance! I don't know about other midwives since when I started looking around in the beginning of my pregnancy, Maureen was the only one who took my insurance and would do a VBAC in Manhattan.
[ Reply | More ]06.03.11, 04:22 PM Flag
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