Motherhood unearthed
Emily Jade
Thursday, June 23, 2011 at 05:38amTwitter friend and Reader Nicole contacted me when I announced my pregnancy, as a Mum she asked me if I needed any advice. After my Mum telling me to hit my thumb with a hammer for eight hours to try to experience the pain of labour, I was kind of scared of any forthcoming advice and my reply to Nicole inspired her to write a blog for the Kleenex Mum’s website. Now she is a finalist in a competition ‘so you think you can blog’’ big claps all round and she and Kleenex have kindly let me re-post her blog, it’s a good read, good luck Nicole!
As I write nearly three billion Google searches have happened, 98 million tweets posted and 210 billion emails sent and that’s just today. We are living in an age of information, it is everywhere and for most it is easily accessible, that is, until we reach the topic of childbirth.
Traditionally mystery has shrouded this rite of passage, so to speak, but in a time when we are exposed to the sex videos of try-hard celebrities, gruesome crime photos or graphic footage of surgeries, surely the details surrounding childbirth are mild in comparison?
I have given birth twice and I went to the antenatal classes the first time, I watched the video of the screaming woman, but I still had no idea of what I was in store for. I knew there would be pain, I knew my options for drugs or not and I had been told by lots of well-meaning mothers “make sure you get lots of sleep before the baby comes.” That was about it.
Now is when I could choose to fill the gap with some gory details to help prepare any blissfully, waddling first-timers, but a couple of things have given me pause.
Firstly when I asked newly pregnant friend Emily Jade O’Keefe what advice she’d like, she said ‘Only share the good please, I’ll find out the bad’. Secondly pre-baby I vaguely recall hearing some advice but it seemed to go in one ear and out the other. It made me wonder is childbirth and being a new Mum inexplicable to footloose, childfree women?
But what finally sealed the sealed section on childbirth for me was the fact that women are classic worriers, pregnant women are on the anxiety-ridden, hormone roller coaster and new mothers are often near to being committed. So if we were to share the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me drugs, would it help or just send them over the edge?
So I’m not going to explain to you what an ice-filled condom is for, or what happens to your empty belly soon after giving birth, Emily’s right - you’ll find that out soon enough.
But there is one thing I wish I’d known: that my life would be turned inside out and upside down and that during the tumultuous and emotional change you have to be kind to yourself. Becoming a mother is one of life’s biggest changes. You’ve probably heard this one by Raphael-Leff (1994) from me before but I love it, they say new Mums are “plunged into a state of inner disequilibrium and external upheaval quite unlike any other encountered in adult life”.
I made the mistake of expecting that I would be an automatic natural earth mother, because understanding and knowing how to rear a child was in both my X chromosomes, wasn’t it? The previous generation didn’t really help as even more was expected in their day, difference being they were often already managing the home so adding children to the mix was tough but not as life-changing. Going from corporate meetings and making decisions on million dollar campaigns up to 60 hours a week to being housebound, while providing food from the stove and my body, and all within a clean environment was like expecting my husband to converse with me during a football match.
The remarkable thing is how remarkable humans are. You adapt and you change and you see the world in a whole new light, one that is broader, deeper and very rewarding. So if nobody has really explained the details of childbirth or been able to articulate what you’ll feel when you first arrive home with a gurgling, wholly dependent, little poo-and-spew ball, then don’t worry – just remember as you get shoved into the deep end of this particularly choppy sea, be kind, be understanding and give yourself a lot of leeway to be as mental as is fitting to one of the biggest challenges you’ll ever face.
P.S. And before the birth cook as many meals as your freezer can store and have your favourite takeaways on fast dial, the last place you want to be is near an open flame on 3 hours sleep.
Nicole is an ex-award-winning advertising creative now mum of two boys under two, and wife of another one. When she’s not having a meltdown she can be found at various Inner West playgrounds double stroller in tow, writing for her blog http://www.myidealife.com.au or sneaking onto twitter.
Blog: http://www.myidealife.com.au
Twitter: twitter.com/_wideeyedgirl
Facebook: facebook.com/myIdeaLife
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Emily Jade
104.5 MMM's token brekky chick, marriage celebrant and newlywed - Emily Jade dips her manicured toe into just about any issue relating to Life, Love and Hollywood.
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I couldn’t go past ice-filled condom! No where ready to have a child and I think that comment just pushed me back another decade! I think I need some wine....Very good blog though, good luck in the comp!
Thu 23 Jun 11 (11:05am)
Thu 23 Jun 11 (01:31pm)
I’m with you Al!
ICE FILLED CONDOM
eeekkkk…
Pass
Thu 23 Jun 11 (04:14pm)
Damn that was not my intention - sorry! Anyway wine helps as do drugs and the array available can make giving birth a very civilised experience. Thanks for your lovely feedback despite the fear the post caused,
Nicole x
I have just sent this link to my newly pregnant (13 weeks) friend. this article should be handed out by doctors upon confirmation of the impending arrival.
Well done ladies
Thu 23 Jun 11 (12:27pm)
Thu 23 Jun 11 (04:05pm)
Why thank you! Yes agree doctors could use a little assistance as they subscribe to the mystery approach more than most.
Nicole x
I don’t think this shares enough! Typically still pussy-footing around the truth of it all.
If women want the truth, then tell them the whole truth, warts and all. Expectation is a great way to be prepared for what is going to happen. As they say, expect the worst and if it’s not as bad, then great! If it is horrible, well, then at least you knew.
I still cannot fathom though what anyone can enjoy from having a baby.
Childless and happy to stay that way forever!
Thu 23 Jun 11 (02:37pm)
Thu 23 Jun 11 (05:11pm)
I have written a ‘lovely’ account of my induction that will be published elsewhere if you’d like to put off childbirth any further, but you seem already decided against it. Out of respect to the proportion of women, Emily being one of them, who do plan to push something the size of a watermelon out of something the diameter of a fifty cent coin and therefore not rather hear the truth that goes with that physiological challenge, it doesn’t appear here.
Nicole
P.S: I also think it is insulting to say:
“The previous generation didn’t really help as even more was expected in their day, difference being they were often already managing the home so adding children to the mix was tough but not as life-changing.”
Remember these women didn’t have childcare facilities, microwaves, fast foods, husbands who wanted to stay at home to look after the kids, clothes dryers/fancy washing machines, exceptional medical care, mental health facilities/groups, etc.
Women from many generations before us I think have worked twice as hard in different ways. In fact, they would have struggled way more because they had less technology and physical/emotional support available to them, and also less resources to expedite the work they had on their plates.
One could argue that because you have come from the corproate world, you should be able to juggle lots of new things and handle stress better now you are a mum and have a million things to do. Not fair to assume our forebears didn’t have as “life-changing” experiences you have nowadays.
Thu 23 Jun 11 (02:44pm)
Thu 23 Jun 11 (05:03pm)
Fair point *can hear my mother clapping you in the distance*, my hubby is very hands on and add the epidural to the mix and we do indeed have a better time of it. I just think they may have been mentally better prepared maybe because they were already working “twice as hard” as you put it. I don’t know, I’m not in their shoes and they’re not in mine, so it’s hard to know who got the bigger shock,
Nicole
Great advice to be kind to yourself, for as an old man I once shared a lift ride with told me, as he stared at my two children under two..."It gets worse.”
Fri 24 Jun 11 (09:28pm)
Sun 26 Jun 11 (09:25pm)
LOL - I’m beginning to realise that I’ll probably be longing for them to be two under two again before I can blink…
Nicole x
As a much older mother than the previous posts, I can only say well done Nicole. One of my daughters has had a baby in the last six months and I think I can safely say if she had of known everything beforehand, my beautiful little grand daughter might still be waiting to be born. I would qualify as one of the generations that went before and I think it is much harder on today’s generation than on mine! Love the blog and good luck with the comp. Oh and EJ love your blog too, puts a smile on my face every morning.
Sat 25 Jun 11 (08:21am)
Sun 26 Jun 11 (09:20pm)
Yes - I remember being frustrated that I wasn’t warned or that nobody had tried to explain it but if they had I think I would have hesitated too. And that would be so sad as the part nobody can really explain is for every scary, revolting thing that happens there are about 50 beautiful and amazing things that completely blow you away and make all the hard stuff so worth it.
Thanks for your lovely feedback,
Nicole x