Dom Joly

Dom Joly

Dom Joly has been an eclectic columnist for The Independent on Sunday and The Independent since 2001. Joly shot to fame in 2000 with his anarchic Channel 4 hidden-camera comedy programme Trigger Happy TV. He has since made television series for BBC, Five, and Sky One including, This Is Dom Joly and Dom Joly’s Happy Hour. His spoof autobiography, Look At Me, Look At Me was published in 2004 and in 2007 he brought out Letters to my Golf Club, featuring his correspondences with golf clubs around the world. In his latest book, The Dark Tourist, he holidays in some of the world’s most unlikely destinations such as Chernobyl and North Korea.

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Dom Joly: That's a nasty case of dandruff. Trousers down, please

I have had my operation, and am now strapped up tighter than a very tight thing, in a cast that seems to have been laced with itching powder before they put it on my broken foot. Despite the operation on three metatarsals being very clearly highlighted as being on my left foot (someone even came and drew an arrow on my leg pointing at said foot, which didn't seem very scientific but is probably the best way to make sure), the usual medical high jinks were in view. "Operation on your foot, sir? Great – just strip off and put on these paper pants. Oh, and how about putting on a weird, backless dress?" I turned to Twitter for advice but all I got were nurses telling me the terrible things that they got up to once people like me were unconscious.

Recently by Dom Joly

Dom Joly: My metatarsal mishap makes me a footballing superstar

Sunday, 13 March 2011

I'm back from Argentina, a lot earlier than expected. I was supposed to stay there for another week and then head south to go on an expedition to Antarctica for two weeks. Sadly for me, I was in Argentina taking part in a TV show called Total Wipeout and the name turned out to be very apt.

Dom Joly: Over the rainbow – and over my hatred of musicals

Sunday, 6 March 2011

If you could design the worst evening in the world for me, it would be a long car ride with kids into London to go to see a musical. So, a few nights ago, into the car we got, to drive up to London to see The Wizard of Oz. I've only ever seen one- and-a-half musicals before – Evita, and 20 minutes of Les Mis before I ran from the theatre screaming. I am off to Antarctica for a month, so fatherly duties had to be performed as penance for my long absence.

Dom Joly: Before take-off, I look for an appetising passenger

Sunday, 27 February 2011

I'm finally in Buenos Aires after an overlong flight that was delayed in Sao Paulo. I normally appreciate the pilot giving me information. If the plane suddenly starts bumping around like a fairground ride, I quite like him coming on the intercom and saying something soothing like: "No worries, ladies and gentlemen. We're just having a bit of turbulence, but as I'm the best pilot in the fleet, this is no cause for concern whatsoever." If they don't say anything, then I watch the stewardesses obsessively and try to catch them off guard, spotting the moment their rictus grins suddenly turn into blind panic when they think they're alone in the galley.

Dom Joly: I hope there's a question on why north London is smug

Sunday, 20 February 2011

I went to a pub quiz in north London last week. It was a last-minute thing – somebody I knew spotted on Twitter that I was in town at a loose end, and asked me to come along and join their team. I have a curious love-hate relationship with pub quizzes. I do really love them, but I also hate losing. You always lose in a pub quiz. However well you do there is always a little table in the corner that is rammed full of people with huge heads who have all taken time off studying for their PhDs in advanced boffindom to come and give you a good thrashing. They are normally into science fiction, and have a ludicrous name that is some clever play on words involving a solar system whose existence you weren't even aware of. I have to admit that winning a pub quiz is on my list of "things to do before I die", but I've never been too optimistic about my chances.

Dom Joly: In Hollywood, I blend in by shivering

Sunday, 13 February 2011

It's very difficult to know what to wear in Los Angeles. Every day you wake up and look out of the window and the sky is a piercing blue and the sun is gently fondling your eyelids. To a Brit, this means but one thing – shorts and flip-flops. So you wander out into west Hollywood, trying your best to look as if you belong... but everyone seems to be wearing coats, some are even wearing gloves. This, you see, is the Californian winter, when temperatures can drop to an arctic 15C. Everywhere you look, people sit under outdoor heaters, bashing away at scripts while grumbling about how "goddamn cold" it is. Again, being British, you tend to laugh and tell anyone who'll listen that, compared with where you live, this is positively tropical. Hardly anyone does bother to listen, however, the general view being that you must be clinically insane to consider living anywhere colder than this. They've got a point – however bad a day you've had in LA, at least it's sunny.

Dom Joly: LA is like the Cotswolds, but with better facelifts

Sunday, 6 February 2011

I'm off to Los Angeles for a week. It's for work, but as it's my wife's birthday, I am taking her with me for a treat. I want to give her the full LA treatment, as it will be the first time she's been to California, despite having been born in the United States. The problem is, when I come to think of it, what is the "full LA treatment?"

Dom Joly: You're in trouble when they melt your head

Sunday, 30 January 2011

I had to get a mould of my head made last week. I'm about to start filming something in which I will need to be in disguise. For this disguise, I need to become an even older man than I am – hence the visit to the prosthetics experts.

Dom Joly: It must be the cuts – sympathy has been rationed

Sunday, 23 January 2011

I think I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Or possibly ME. It might, however, just be Man-Flu, but I'm sure it isn't. I'm really not well at all. I am lethargic and unmotivated and I lounge around the house all day complaining to my long-suffering wife, Stacey, that "I am not well".

Dom Joly: Contemporary art is a load of old poo

Sunday, 16 January 2011

I've just been to an art "do". The artists were old friends, and they always have a great turnout for their shows. This one was particularly impressive and the place was crammed with peculiarly dressed people trying to look both hip and unconcerned while glugging as much free drink as possible.

Should David Cameron need a troubleshooter, Kevin Pietersen’s waiting for the call

Dom Joly: Sir KP MP, knight in shining armour, at the service of a PM on a sticky wicket

Monday, 10 January 2011

Weird World of Sport: 'I could do the same for the economy as I do for cricket, storming out ofthe pavilion to sort everything out. You got a deficit? I'll just whack it out of the ground'

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Philip Hensher: Fifty books a year is ideal...

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