* Lord Sugar employs the adjective “bladdy”
* Nick Hewer shuts his eyes and sighs as if he’s just discovered cat sick on the sleeve of his best suit three minutes before an important meeting
* Chris Bates chortles and pulls a laddish leer that makes him look like a minor schoolfriend of Prince Harry on a stag do
* Stella English speaks in a voice that makes her sound like a depressed lecturer in town planning at the University of Melton Mowbray
* As all the fired candidates return to aid the finalists in their task, you realise that you’ve clean forgotten the names of at least three quarters of them
* Stuart Baggs casually claims that since being fired from The Apprentice he’s established his own billion-pound yo-yo manufacturing business and has just been placed at No6 on the Forbes Rich List. In his spare time, moreover, he has shaved 2.4 seconds off the world 100m record, is currently formalising his bid to host the 2026 World Cup in his back garden, and has patented a cure for death
* Stuart Baggs fails the task for whichever finalist’s team he’s on
* Liz Locke shoots Stuart Baggs a look that could bore a hole through a bank vault
* In the boardroom, Lord Sugar delivers a carefully prepared pun inspired by the theme of the task – for example, “You was asked to launch a new alcoholic drink. Nick and Karren, which candidate made the LAGER profit? And who created the greatest BRANDY awareness? I hope whoever loses can take defeat on the GIN. Karren tells me she couldn’t believe how useless you was – in fact she was be-CIDER-self”
* The winning candidate enjoys a brief moment of elation before realising they’ve essentially just been hired to spend a year fiddling with paper clips in Essex
