Driving around central London is not something you do for fun. Pointless roadworks, livid cyclists and blinkered buses are three of many reasons why taking the Tube is best. But if you wait until the roads clear of the daily clutter, and venture out only in the finest classic cars, things are very different.
The idea of the Classic Car Club night drive is simple: five cars; ten checkpoints; a set of directions; drive each classic at least once; return with your co-driver in the small hours with your desire sated.
First up I am in a black 1969 Mercedes 280 SL. The Sixties SL - nicknamed Pagoda for its high roof above a broad, low waist - is one of the best looking cars ever built. This is not my opinion, it is a fact. From a distance it looks quite dainty and compact, but behind the wheel it feels substantial and muscular. I fire it up and follow the convoy out onto Old Street. It is just after 8pm and the slow-shifting commuter traffic is starting to thin as we head down towards Tower Bridge.
The Merc's 2.8-litre straight-six pulls reassuringly through the four-speed automatic gearbox. It has plenty of power, but this is not a car to drive in a hurry. We waft along in the comfortable chairs, as I feed the beautiful thin-rimmed steering wheel through my fingers as we cruise down to Greenwich where we swap seats.
I ride shotgun as we drive out past City Airport and the vast, alien Millennium Dome. My co-driver pulls up into a deserted Docklands car park where we change cars. It is 9.30pm and time for something completely different - a 1959 Jaguar XK150. This gorgeous convertible looks to most people like a loveable old car that should be driven sedately around the shires.
But make no mistake, this old cat is wild. The club owners admit to some "sensitive" upgrades to cope with the "rigours of modern motoring". Sensitive isn't the word that comes to mind. When the 3.8-litre six hits 3,000 revs it makes a noise so throatily seductive that I completely forget that it is below freezing and we are in an open-topped car with precious little in the way of heating.
We head back up across the Thames through Blackfriars underpass, along the Embankment and past Victoria station before changing cars in Belgrave Square. A suitably distinguished address to swap one fantastic Jaguar for another. This time it is a 1971 Series 2 E-type.
This slightly less old girl is just as wonderful to look at as the topless XK, but goes about her business in a completely different way. The note from the 4.2-litre engine as we go south across a floodlit Chelsea Bridge is purposeful but refined. While everything is quiet and civilised, the power is still there. A Mini Cooper pulls up at traffic lights on Battersea Park Road ready to nip cheekily past the old-timer. With a dignified roar the youngster is humbled.
The E-type's taut haunches draw lustful gazes as we sweep back up past the lights of the London Eye, across Waterloo Bridge and down the Mall to Buckingham Palace, then on to Hyde Park Corner and Harrods. It is almost midnight as classy Knightsbridge gives way to tatty Talgarth Road.
At a garage on the A4 the Jag is swapped for the joker in the pack: a 1996 Lotus Elan S2. Hardly a classic - at least not yet - but a modern thrown into the mix to keep things interesting. With its fibreglass body and small turbocharged Japanese engine the Elan doesn't really fit in with this company, except in one crucial way - it is an absolutely cracking drive.
On the way to Heathrow along a temptingly empty M4 the little Lotus is so keen to rev it would take a saint to refuse. I find myself inadvertently pulling ahead of the 1963 Volvo Amazon that serves as our guide and pace car for the night. The Elan feels as though it could take any corner at any speed, seeming to be steered by mind-power alone.
Just as I am falling in love and thinking I must have one, the gearbox gives up. One minute we are in beautiful harmony, the next I've lost second and fourth. The Elan is eager to please, but lacks the stamina of its elders.
Luckily there is a truly modern Ford Focus ST bringing up the rear of the convoy which comes to the rescue and takes us to the next stage. The final car is one I have been looking forward to the most: a 1975 Aston Martin V8. It is a monster, a great big handsome beast of a car.
This example has been given a Vantage upgrade, which means the 5.3-litre engine puts out well over 400 horsepower and can propel two-and-a-half tons of snarling metal to 170mph. If you try to go slowly the V8 struggles to contain its fury. Under the vast, bulging bonnet there is gnashing and wailing as it begs you to unleash the power. But none of that for me. The death of the Lotus has left me scarred and it is time for a nice gentle cruise down an almost deserted Finchley Road, around Regents Park and then back to the Classic Car Club's HQ near Old Street.
Back at the club at 2am there is time for one last glance at the amazing machines before heading home. I am tired but delighted after enjoying the excellent company of five beautiful models in one night. Quite an experience, and one that will keep me grinning like a toddler, even when I'm stuck on the Tube.
* For more details on the Classic Car Club night drives go to the Classic Car Club website or call 020 7490 9090.
