just a quick update to say we don’t have a baby just my first pp period.  Thanks for prayers.

Hey,
I understand. I work outside of the home AND practice NFP. It can be done. I work because I make more money than my husband (who also works) and I carry all the insurance. Because we pay so much for daycare, this has contributed to our spacing of children until we can afford another. We are open to life but also try to keep our bills paid.
Sometimes I feel the same way, that NFP is so much easier for women who stay home and whose husbands make enough to support a large family. Or ones who can have babies every 2 years and homeschool. But really, it’s just that I’m jealous. I can’t get caught up in what other people are doing; the grass is always greener and they have their struggles too. So my advice would be to do what’s best for your family, even if it means working outside the home.

Hey there, “hey”,
I also work FT outside the home, and feel that even if I were to stay home, I’d still end up doing something part-time. I guess I’m similar to you in that I’d still want to feel like I’m using my abilities outside of being a mommy - which is still important on its own, don’t get me wrong!

Prayer helps a lot! I constantly pray to Mother Mary to help me find the best path in my career/vocation. God gave us talents, and if we just listen, we’ll eventually find the way to balance things. I’m starting to experience that now. Don’t know how things will end up, but I feel confident - and that’s how I know God is leading me.

Good luck in your journey!

I think there are plenty of women who both work outside the home and do NFP so I know it can be done.  But I did want to try to clear up what I see as a misconception you have.  You said you want to work outside the home because you feel you are making a contribution to society.  Stay at home mothers make just as much a contribution to society by bringing up godly children.  A well-functioning society is made-up of well-adjusted moral individuals and it’s up to the parents to raise kids into these kinds of adults.  So if you are contributing as much as you possibly can to the upbringing of godly, hard-working, charitable, well-educated children, you are indeed contributing to society.

On a practical level, I expect that NFP can work for a dual working couple as well as it did for us when we were still finishing our post-secondary education. 

For your other concerns would it be possible to consider various compromises between being a full-time worker or a stay-at-home mom?  Or simply working out how you’d manage on maternity leave if you were to have a surprise pregnancy?  I personally find working out contingencies very soothing but I know that’s not true for everyone (first thing we did when we had our first was buy life insurance!).

As an example one of my aunts is a vet and she compromised by working one day a week when her children were young.  This kept her skills current without major childcare concerns.

I’m mom to 4, use NFP and work a professional job FT. It can be done! In fact, until 4 years ago I was an award-winning reporter with the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. and the family’s breadwinner.

Whenever you feel a “good” Catholic mom is always a SAHM, remember St. Gianna Beretta Molla, who was Dr. Beretta before marriage and Dr. Molla afterwards. She ran a FT obstetrics/pediatrics practice and was still a devoted wife and mother—a saint, no less.

Hey,

no flaming here:)

When my first was born and I left my full time job to stay home a co-worker asked me how I could rely on my husband like that, what if he leaves me???  I thought it was such an unusual statement, rather bizarre.  While that is not going to happen (my husband leaving me) I’ve come to appreciate the importance of the wife/mom having a skill that can provide the family an income if it is needed and I will surely raise my daughter to think that way as well and hope my boys marry someone who can as well.  I shy away from the holding on to a vision where the financial responsibility rests on the husband alone.

Over the years I have seen too many situations where the family or woman was left in a desperate situation because she did not have any employable skills.  Situations where a faithful Catholic couple split up or the husband lost a job of many years or got sick.  So it is good and wise to use your skills outside the home.

Of course you are contributing to society by raising little ones.  I think you knew that but find you really enjoy working outside the home also.  I understand that I feel my children and marriage (and myself) are fortunate for me to be able to balance working part time and being home.  I am always sharing with my kids my work experiences and what they are teaching me about life and people.  Having 2 parents that work can be done and I know a lot of women who do it. I know we could not both work full time and we always lived in a way where we did not have to rely on the income I received—that way the stress would not be there should I need to stay home with a baby.  But I have seen other couples where the wife holds the insurance and the dad stays home with the baby and the kids have been blessed!!!

I hope that helps:)

Oh how I feel your pain!!!  I work FT outside the home, too (with one DS). I am conflicted about this also, but the moments of peace are when I’m viewing my work as a vocation, not a job.  While I completely understand that families who are bringing up godly, moral children are doing society a service (a huge, huge service), I also believe some of us a called to interact directly with the culture on a day to day basis in the workplace.  I sometimes think of myself as a missionary in American culture and I think of the big, homeschooling families as monasteries.  One call is not less than the other, they are all necessary parts of God’s beautiful plan.  I love knowing they are there providing places of prayer and peace.

Hello - While the next season of pregnancy, newborn neediness, and toddlerhood may seem to loom heavily upon you now, just realize that this new person is being sent to you with a purpose in mind.  While it is not the most uplifting of stories, my aunt had a “surprise” later in life and it was that child that was her most tender and nuturing one.  That child cared for her during her entire struggle with cancer and kept her spirits up.  She often claims that her daughter did far more to keep her alive than she did for her daughter.  In a similar (but more cheerful) story, my MIL had a daughter around the age of 42 and now as her daughter is in her first year of college, she said that it was her daughter who kept her young.  My MIL looks about 45, but is actually 60.  She never wanted to look like the “old mom” so she kept herself fit, trim, and moisturized thanks to her little girl. 
Your story will be different, but in time you will see your child is here for a reason and the gifts this child will bring will be ones that you could never seen yourself living without.

I totally agree with Camille above but just as a practical matter, it may help to do things a little differently this time around.  Since you have older children I would start preparing them now to ALL the chores and cooking and they might have to give up some extracurricular activities once the baby comes.  In a family everyone has to make sacrifices, not just you.  They can also change diapers, take baby on stroller rides, etc. etc.  They will all be better for it also.  Have a family pow wow and come together to figure out ways to meet this family challenge.

Can I give you another perspective on this?  I was that 20 year old whose mom had a baby at age 45.  This all occured 21 years ago.  I was 20 and in college.  My brother was 19 and in the navy.  We had high schoolers and grade schoolers, and another baby, #8, took us all by surprise.  My mom was working as a nurse and struggling to make tuition.  My dad was 49 and looking forward to retiring from the fire department.  The youngest was in first grade already.  It was a crazy time.  But it’s amazing how wonderfully the arrival of the baby changed our lives.  I’ll never forget getting the call at college that he was born.  I don’t think his little body ever touched a surface, so often was he being held by one of us.  When he woke from a nap, we all ran to his room, trying to squeeze all at once through the doorway!  And such an agreeable baby he was!  By the time he was four, he was an uncle.  He was the ring bearer in all our weddings.  God knows the apprehensions you have.  But He’s going to be good to you in this situation.  I’m happy for you all!

I think an unexpected pregnancy, at any age and any stage, can always cause a lot of turmoil for a variety of reasons.  I will share the my DH is the end result of exactly what you’re talking about: his mom had 4 kids in the space of 6 years, another 10 years later, and he was born 6 years after that (when she was 43).  I, for one, am grateful that he came to be (for obvious reasons).   Before she passed away, I remember her constantly saying, “What would we ever do without him?”  I’m sure everything feels overwhelming right now, but I think we sometimes have to be patient with God to reveal to us His reasoning.  May God bless you and your family!

Well, I was the “miracle baby” that my mom had at age 45.  When I was born, my sister was 17 and my brother 15.  Although it’s been different growing up with siblings, but also as an only child, it’s been a wonderful learning time as well.  So much experience with children that is getting me ready for having my own childrenr, as I have 11 nieces and nephews.  I was the flower girl in both my siblings’ weddings, and I proudly say that I am closer in age to my nieces and nephews than I am to my brother and sister.

Hello Marian,  I am a 51 year old mother of seven, ages 12-26.  Almost 10 years ago, I miscarried our eighth child and subsequently became infertile.  I often wonder what life would have been like with Christian(a), who would now be a third grader in my homeschool if (s)he would have gone to term.  We will visit the cemetery this holiday season instead.  I am sure your whole family’s lives will be richer with your new little child.  I hope you will soon be at peace with the changes that this birth will bring to your lives.

While I understand a lot of people use Creighton, this is one of the advantages of STM.  If you had been charting your temp as well, you’d know if you had a thermal shift and just missed the mucus, or if not, you’d know it was an anovulatory cycle.  If you are normally comfortable with Creighton, continue to use it, but you could take your temp even periodically, and you’ll get enough info to know if you have a thermal shift.  Just a thought.  I’ve been taking my temp daily for almost 30 years - I doubt I could stop know if I wanted to!

I wouldn’t worry too much about it.  My periods were more painful and I had PMS for the first time ever when my fertility started returning after I had my first child.  Right before I conceived him, I wondered if I had had a really early miscarriage because I was bloated and had a really painful period.  When I looked over my chart, I realized it was probably because I hadn’t ovulated so there was extra lining to get rid of.  Plus, I remembered that I had occasionally had similar periods when there was not even the most remote possibility of pregnancy.