Oh, Arwen, SO MUCH sympathy. Sometimes I require acts of kindness from an aggressor, though B. is still pretty young for that. (Not impossibly young, but C. would have an easier time getting it.) A couple of other Camilla-focused ideas: I wonder if you could “fill her tank” a little fuller by making a point of how she gets your attention during Blaise’s nap. When my oldest was going through this I used an idea that I picked up from a more experienced mom: I would lay the sleeping baby down and say (in my older son’s hearing), “Okay, baby, you have to lie down and take your nap by yourself, because your big brother needs some time with his mama now.” It’s not a magic bullet, but drawing some attention to that one-on-one time can help.

What about a children’s booklet of the rosary or the stations of the cross, so you can talk together about how Jesus responded when people were ugly to him?

One last thought is that you can come up with some separate activities that will hold their attention long enough that you don’t need to tear out of the bathroom foaming at the mouth. (From the toothpaste, of course. I cast no aspersions on your sanity. If you let them know that you need a minute and then steer them to fun activities in different spots (maybe one drawing at the table, the other blowing bubbles with a spill-proof bubble tumbler in a place that’s easy to wipe up), you might find that a bit of quiet is easier to come by. Good luck!

I totally feel your pain also.  My kids are 5, 3, and 1.5.  Your little guy might be young for this, but when my kids fight, they are separated and given a job, like wiping the smudges off the refridgerator or cleaning up the massive crumbs from under the high chair.  These are not usually included in their chores—but I figure if they have all that extra energy for fighting, they might as well spend it on something more productive.  It keeps things a LITTLE quieter.    God bless!

My 2 and 3 year old are learning how to apologize to each other (and me).  “I’m sorry for . . . “; “I forgive you”; then a hug.  If the victim can’t forgive yet, then the other has to do something to “help them feel better” (usually fetch their lovey).  It is amazing the power “I forgive you” has to release tension.  I have noticed they are more often demanding apologies rather than retaliating. 

Though physical violence still merits a timeout, where the aggressor is not allowed out of bed until they have calmed down and are willing to apologize.  Egregious, intentional violence gets a spanking followed by the timeout.

I wish I could say that it gets better as they get older, and it does a bit as it becomes more verbal and less physical, but mine are 9, 6.5, and 5 and they are constantly coming to me with their petty squabbles.  I try not to engage and just say “work it out but be generous with each other” but it is hard not to be drawn in.  When they are as young as yours, I think all you can do is separate, apologize, and forgive.  Now, sometimes if my kids are being particularly unkind to each other, I make them sit on the steps, shoulder to shoulder, knee to knee and holding hands.  Sometimes I even make them stand hugging each other and sing the Barney song, “I love you, blah, blah, blah…” A few words of that and they are in a heap of laughter on the floor.  Sometimes their mama is just crazy you know.  Oh, I have also had them do “laps” on the stairs.  You know, make them run up and down the stairs a certain number of times.  That I reserve for times when things with my boys tend to get to the verge of physical. 

My prayers are with you!

Hi Arwen,
I found your blog from Jen F’s page. I’ve been following her for a while (in the internet way, not the creepy stalker way). Anywho, I also live in SE Michigan. I have twin girls, almost three years old, and a third on the way. So, this whole idea of ‘infighting’, well, I’m afraid I don’t know what life would be like WITHOUT it. LOL!