Our middle son (8 years old) has not been diagnosed with anything but he certainly has some similar characteristics. The first thing I will say is that breaking down and sending boys like ours away to school does not solve the problem, it just transfers it to a new location. I know how tempting it is sometimes but a classroom setting will not solve this problem, it will just necessitate the drugs.

My son is incredibly smart but even the smallest amount of sit-down work is painful for him (and for me). I taught him to read when he was 5 in 3 minute increments, letting him run around the house and come back. Many times he literally ended up standing on his head on the chair. I confess that I bribed him with a piece of candy as well and I think that may have been his primary motivation for sticking it out! Now, he is reading well-beyond his grade level. He will sit and read for an hour at a time. But I know that this period of silence and calm will be followed by another of intense energy release where he must burn off what he stored up. Talking about it now makes it sound easy….but I was there and know what a struggle it was every second of those lessons.

Although he is way ahead in reading, he is lagging in the subjects that require him to sit, focus and write. Poor boy looks like he’s in pain during these times. He’s number 3 of 5 (going on 6) kids and it is easy to just let him roam but I know I have to take the time. I never, ever do more than 10 minutes at a time of formal school work with him. That is key to our sanity. I think more would be unfair to him and end up negatively. And I am learning that I must sit down with him during that time to be continually encouraging and directing. I wish he were self-directed and easy. That day may come but now is not his time. I know how hard it is to give up time during a hs day with so many kids but 10 minutes here and there is manageable. In fact, it has to be done for his sake. Just think of how many hours and hours he would be sitting (or trying to sit) in school, ultimately feeling frustrated and discouraged. At home, we can give them a few blocks of 5 or 10 minutes and they will eventually see their own improvement and know the love of their mother. I also recommend working 5-10 minutes a day with him all year round even if not with the others. He will grow slowly but steadily and you will not have to redo all the hard work put in during the year.

I find that my son needs to be reminded of how much he does know. We had an incident this past week that was a kick in the pants to me…reminding me that this child needs some extra sacrificial love when it comes to school. The older kids wanted grandma to hold an impromptu, swimming pool spelling bee. He joined his sibs and a female cousin the same age as he. She spelled everything (she’s a bright first child) and he could not spell even the word “fish”. He was embarrassed and swam off to rough house with the younger ones. I knew I owed it to him to guide him better. I knew he could spell that word but he couldn’t focus and recall it. I sat down with him the following morning and did a 5 minute spelling lesson with him. I didn’t drill him. We just talked and wrote a couple things and he remembered how easy it was to spell “fish”. He remembered that he could do it and I promised him that I would help him be as smart as God made him to be. Then he got up and ran around the house like a wild Indian! lol!

Your post is timely for me. You see, the pool incident opened my eyes this week to the needs of my son and the necessity of giving more to him even than I think I have. Yes, it is noisy here. Yes, I am busy and distracted. Yes, he is not easy to teach. But a little at a time we will grow together. I would give my very life for him. A half an hour a day of focused attention is certainly much easier than that. I know a half hour seems terribly short but if it is well-spent, it far outweighs hours of wasted time.
God bless you and your boy. Sending up an Ave for you right now.

My oldest son, age 9, also has ADD tendencies, mainly easily distracted, trouble dealing with transitions, and difficulty recalling memorized info (math facts and rules, vocab, science definitions,etc) My mom bought us some dvds called Energy Blasts for Kids that are very short high intensity dance workouts. I try to have the kids do them in the morning after breakfast while I clean up and get school together. They are intended to help my oldest burn some energy to help him focus, but all the kids down to the 2 yr old love them. They are so short and easy, they can be redone again after morning break or after lunch too.
I do the dha fish oil supplements and an extra vitamin D supplement, which may help a little. I think the vitamin D made a big difference this past winter. I’ve also looked into caffeine therapy, which is giving a small high dose of caffeine in the morning (think about 4 oz. of Mt. Dew). I don’t like this one because soda is the easiest choice, making high caffeine tea is a pain. But it might work for you.
As far as just getting through the day, I do my best to keep him on task. His work area has to remain free of distractions, so his table is in a corner that has nothing on the walls and he is only allowed one subject out at a time or else he will just skip back and forth and never complete anything. I try to have him do subjects that require more focus first thing, leaving reading and activities for late morning and afternoon.
Just this past year, I discovered the process of narration used in Charlotte Mason and Classical education methods. This works really well for him. He reads a lesson and then comes to me and narrates it back. This year we will be adding written narrations as well. He really took to this method better than I thought he would and even is willing to re-read something to make sure he as gotten everything out of it. And he stays on task while doing it. I have to re-direct his focus during the narrations, but it brings attention to all the little things he does to distract himself which I think is important for him to realize. I may try using a stress ball while he narrates this year too, to focus all that energy on to one object instead of all over the place. We are also switching to Story of the World for history, which has short chapters and then then an activity supplement which I think all my kids will enjoy, but will give the oldest less sit down work.
Of course, I can’t use that method for math, handwriting or other such subjects, so we still struggle with those.
I know it takes an incredible amount of patience, so please continue to pray and work with him. You will find the answer that is right for your family. I would be afraid that he would just be labeled a discipline problem in school, which will really damage his self-esteem.
Also, I just read Raising Real Men by Hal and Melanie Young. They homeschooled 6 boys. They aren’t Catholic, but their parenting values are from a Christian perspective. It was a real eye-opener. It made me more appreciative of some of the characteristics that I find most frustrating in my boys.
You’re not alone. You’ll be in my prayers as this school year starts up.

We too are plugging away with an inattentive-type 9YO and a hyperactive 6YO (and a busy 2YO!)  Noise is also an issue with us.  I’ve never gotten around to trying it, but a book I read suggested the kind of noise-blockers used at firing ranges (like earmuffs) to cut the household noise; another idea is a tri-fold display board that can be set up as a kind of cubicle on the table or wherever you work to minimize visual distractions.
A cup of coffee in the morning used to help my oldest a lot, but not as much now.
Hang in there!  We are all learning as we go.

I like the American Girl book, “Your Body and You” or something like that.  I can see the cover in my mind, but do not recall the exact wording of the title.

Another fan of the American Girl book here.  In addition to that one, I gave my 10-year-old daughter “The Body Book” by Nancy Rue.  You might want to see look at some at your local library or bookstore before deciding which to buy.

Ditto on the American Girl book.  It is a pretty substantial book and gets into deoderant, shaving, bodily changes, etc. and there wasn’t anything offensive in it.  I did take out the pages of eating disorders though for my girls, in our particular case I though it would be more harmful than helpful.  I just passed it on to my 2nd daughter last week.  It’s not a book you want laying around though for other kids to see because it does have some pictures to explain things.  Nothing I would hide from the girls the approprate age but the brothers and younger sister don’t need to see it. 
I also highly recommend a small 3 book series called “Beautifully Made” by Generations of Virtues.  Each book builds on the previous one and you give each and discuss each at the appropriate time.  The first one is on menstruation. 

Along these same lines, does anyone have any recommendations for boys?

Sorry, the generations of virtue site is quite substantial.  Here is the direct link for the Beautifully Made books.

http://generationsofvirtue.org/store/index.php/books-for-girls/10-14-years/beautifully-made.html

Thanks all you ladies I was just thinking of this early this week!! I will look at my library for those suggestions

I really enjoyed learning more about the Montessori method and think it’s a great way to “do more” with the really little ones.  Maria Montessori calls the child’s play/activities “work” and says that the child’s play/work should be purposeful- so it should be something that meets them where they are at developmentally and encourage their natural tendencies towards a particular area.  She says the child has “sensitive periods” for various behaviors, skills, etc.  I’m sure this is really vague, but you might want to check out some books on this.

Some suggestions to get started (now, I’m not a die-hard Montessori person, I just love to glean the good that I can from the method and apply what works for us.  So, these aren’t super intense Montessori books and are easy to read and apply the basic method at home):
- Elizabeth Hainstock’s “Teaching Montessori in the Home: The Preschool Years”
- Barbara Curtis’ “Mommy, Teach Me!”
- Jodi Erikson’s “Montessori on a Shoestring”
- for more on the method itself: Paula Polk Lillard’s “Montessori: A Modern Approach” gives a good overview

Hope that gives you an idea of one route you could take with your little one! Have fun!

Thank you, JM, for your suggestions! I’ll check out that method, and the titles you listed. God bless you!

wow.  I would shut that girl down.  In the example you gave I would probably not brought the form, but told her if she was wrong and in fact needed the form to play sports she’d be out of luck - no sports this season.  Then I would have kept her out of sports for the season. 

No offense, but I doubt you’ve tried everything . . . like all of us, you’re probably too lenient.  And,  you sound really nice, like you’re responsible for her misbehavior.  I would try hard not to raise your voice, and I would encourage her whenever she was doing something correctly, but when she was rude and out of line I would let either the natural consequences kick in (like no sports), or take away the things/activities she values most.  My bff has a mouthy rude 15 year old.  She kinda fools herself that she does all these things to help his behavior improve, but she doesn’t “hit” were it hurts.  For example, a couple of weeks ago, in one week, he swore at her, didn’t do his chores m was terribly unkind to little siblings and a couple more things.  She didn’t give him any money that week to go out (good), but then that same week they bought him a car (!)  so, when he turns 16 (in a few months) he could get to his activities.  HE knows that no matter how bad he is - and he’s a brat - his parent would never mess with his sports or drama or school related things . . . so he retains the power. Just something to think about . . . .

I will say a prayer for you.  You sound really nice.

As a former mouthy teenager, I would say that some tough love is needed.  And don’t feel bad, some kids need more guidance/discipline than others.  The key is that you balance discipline and love.  For every time you need to discipline or correct, be sure to balance it with an affirmation or words of love.  I have a young daughter that will simply need more correction and guidance than her older siblings.  Correcting her and being firm with her does not mean that I don’t love her; in fact, I love her enough to put up with all of the pouting and tantrums.  Finally, your husband MUST be a part of this.  He must “have your back.”  If one of my kids is mouthy or rude to me, he will say quietly and firmly, “You will not treat my wife that way,” and then follow through with whatever consequence is appropriate.  And finally, finally, I’ve found Dr. Ray Guarendi’s books to be very helpful for providing some sane guidelines for dealing with my “strongwilled” girl.  And seconds on “The Temperament God Gave You” and its companion books.

Keven Leman has a book—“How To Get Your Child to Mind Without Losing Your Mind.” It is excellent. Or see if you can get a copy of his older talk probally on DVD called “Parent Talk.” It is a great learning tool for all parents In fact anything by Kevin Leman would probally very helpful. Kevin Leman is a psychologist from Arizonia, whose running theme thru all his books is, “Less words and more action,” Does that sound familiar? I guess everyone copies St. Francis, when they are on the right tract. I raised seven children and some most of the time acting out or negative attention is a child’s way of saying, “I need time alone with mom.” My husband and I raised four daughters and three sons together. When the girls were in middle school or at least by high school, I would make sure I had a time alone with them separately each week. We would shop, go out to eat or just have a coke together. It did not matter where we went, it was just imporatant that we went. Wasting time together with them, as the only child present, gave them the ability to talk from their hearts, to a mom who could give her full attention and total eye contact. This was a rare and welcomed event for both of us. I learned to read between the lines, pray with them and give Godly Titus 2:3 wisdom. Leaving the the home gave us privacy because, we were away from a nursing baby, a screaming toddler or an ease dropping teenage brother. Every penny spent on the food, drink or new outfit bought, was worth it’s weight in gold, for the cherish relationships I have with my girls now. Three are married and I look foward to daily phone calls, where they still share from their heart and ask my motherly advice. I still listen between the lines and pray from my heart. I count my four daughters, as my best friends. I have to be honest, these relationships did not take place over night. It took time, effort, and lots of prayer. Try having some mom and me time with your daughter. Ask her where she would like to go with you. If she gets to give an opinion, she will more than likely have a good time. A word to the wise, if she not open up right away, be patient. Relationships take time. It is worth the wait.  Keep in mind you are raising your new best friend.

The Love Languages for Children has great information on combining discipline with being sure your child comprehends they are loved. The teen one has tips on anger management. They really get to the heart of balancing when to be patient so they feel safe and loved and when to be firm—which they need.
If you can purposefully show her love in her receptive areas and find more of her calm times you can plan out some talks about how to earn trust, how to deal with mood swings, how your family will deal with unacceptable language.

The Steve Woods books are also great—How to find a good catholic husband/wife can also be read as how to ‘be’ a good husband or wife and therefore how to ‘be’ during your teen/dating years.

Last week when my 14 yo had a melt down over clothes and my rules it came out that she felt very out of place among the girls at her camp and did not remember her older sister having such trouble with clothes. Hoping it gets better with her too.

Try James Lehman’s TOTAL TRANSFORMATION system.  We used this successfuly with 15 yo twin daughters and I use it in my 8th grade classroom!

Try James Lehman’s TOTAL TRANSFORMATION system.  This is phenomenal & we used it with our 15 yo twins & I use it in my 8th grade classroom!

Oppositional disorder is often just a frst diagnosis and the real problem may be bipolar. Please have it looked at before he has a major manic phase. My sister just went through this. They did not get a diagnosis until my 16 year old nephew had terrorized the household and ended up restrained and the pysch hospital. Luckily he is very bright and once on the meds read everything the dr gave him.

Seton books has a booklet (about 30 pages) called “Listen, Son”. It’s supposed to be a discussion book for a parent, preferably the father, to use when talking to his son. It has three sections one for each late elementary, middle and high school each with age appropriate topics on “the process of life.” There are no pictures and I can’t imagine any child sitting down to read it but it’s for the parents to read before discussing with their child.
I haven’t found anything as cutesy and helpful as the American Girls version for boys, I love to hear about any other options out there too.