Fewer than one in 10 Canadian brides-to-be believes in abstaining from sex until their wedding night, despite a "save yourself" drumbeat that in recent years has reverberated through everything from school programs to pop-culture phenols such as Twilight and Glee.

The 1,241-person survey, published this month by Canada's Weddingbells magazine, reveals that only eight per cent of engaged women agree with the statement "sex before marriage is not a good idea," with just four per cent saying they feel strongly about it.

Researchers say the findings suggest perceptions of virginity are finally aligning with the reality of what's been happening behind bedroom doors for decades. In other words, the behaviours aren't new to women so much as newly outwardly approved by them.

"There's no question that there's a gulf between the 'popular' perception of the appropriateness of waiting until marriage and the extent to which people actually wait until marriage to have sex," says Lawrence B. Finer, director of domestic research for the Guttmacher Institute. "There's much less of the latter."

The American reproductive health think-tank investigated the activities of some 38,000 people — 33,000 of them women — and found more than nine in 10 had engaged in premarital sex by age 44. Even for those born in the 1940s, Finer reports that nearly the same rate held true.

The behavioural research dovetails with a nationwide attitudinal survey of 1,003 Canadians that, in 2009, found 87 per cent of people have no qualms about sexual relations between unmarried partners.

Although such data set off alarms for some, a Canadian expert on feminist philosophy suggests it could be a sign of progress.

"We've lived too (long) on the myths of good girls and bad girls, virgins and whores, the Virgin Mary and Madonna, when most women, like most men, live somewhere in the middle," says Samantha Brennan, a professor at the University of Western Ontario in London.

"Choosing sexual activity, before marriage, with a range of partners, can be healthy or not, just as living celibately can be healthy or not. It all depends on the person and their reasons."

In addition, Brennan says the trend may indicate that women's worth as marital partners is being seen in a more comprehensive way — one that takes into account "a wide range of talents, education, skills and personal history."

Postponing sex, of course, continues to retain strong religious, health and certainly romantic appeal for many. A recent University of Missouri study of 4,000 Twilight fans, for example, found what most young people appreciate about the hit book series is its message of love beyond the physical.

The challenge lies in the changing dynamics of modern relationships, says the president of the Canadian Sex Research Forum.

"Sex is still very much connected with love for the vast majority; it's just not equated with marriage," says Terry Humphreys, associate professor of psychology at Trent University in Peterborough, Ont. "Men and women are getting married at 28, 29, 30 years old now, and that's an awful long time to wait for first sexual intercourse."

The best estimates, in fact, suggest that only half of today's young people are likely to marry at all, with many choosing instead to cohabitate. This, naturally, poses a unique challenge to those with strict readings of "no sex before marriage."

The Weddingbells survey was conducted Feb. 18 to March 12 by Nooro Online Inc., with a national sample of engaged women. It is considered accurate within 2.8 percentage points, 19 times out of 20.

mharris@canwest.com