Whether they were meant to be sexy or kinky, the following characters just ended up making us feel dirty.
She's got everything. Long, luxurious eye lashes, big sexy eyes, a cute upturned nose, saucy hips, and a perky rack that puts Jessica Biel to shame. Did we mention she's blind, navigates using echo-location and is a bat? Who saw Discovery Channel's Planet Earth: Caves and remembers the mile-high pile of bat guano? Imagine having to take her home to that.
In Pandemonium, Nikki was a cute, hipster-looking, pixieish girl that you'd buy a beer for at a punk rock show. For some reason, the developers decided to increase her slut factor by ten in the sequel and gave her the Peg Bundy makeover. Now with dyed-red hair and a shiny silver bra, Nikki seems to have went for the "belle of the bowling alley" look
It has been said that Birdo, in theory, might be to fellatio what Michaelangelo is to art. However no man has ever dared validate this claim. It seems like all evolution has culminated in her lips. Her round, bulging, swollen, pink... ugh, now we're feeling nauseous.
We're sexually comfortable enough to say that we can dig alien chicks, but the Twi'lek species featured in the Knights of the Old Republic series tests our tolerance to its limits. Sure, most female Twi'leks have beautiful facial features and nice figures, but when you get down to it, the fact that their hair consists of two long, fleshy clumps is more than enough grounds to ruin your Star Wars erotic fan fiction. I mean, what does she even need a man for with those?
Oooh, we love it when you talk like that to us, Cortana. Yeah tell us where to go. Oh yeah, we BET the covenant are up ahead. Uh huh. Call us Master Chief again! Wait, you're just a computer manifest into a hologram of a female. Gross.
