News

Girl Welcomed To Womanhood With 4-Page Pamphlet

issue 4610 | 03.08.10 | News

CLEARWATER, KS—"Cramps are a natural part of your new monthly visitor," a sentence halfway down the first page read, one of roughly a half... more»
Autistic Child Ruins Marriage He Was Born To Save

issue 4609 | 03.06.10 | News

HOUSTON—With the challenges accompanying his developmental disorder widening the already vast gulf between his parents, autistic child Evan... more»
Houseguest Just Going To Lie There Until Rest Of House Wakes Up

issue 4609 | 03.04.10 | News

SAN DIEGO—In an effort to pass the time, houseguest Kevin Keegan will continue finding interesting patterns in the texture of the ceiling's... more»
Google Responds To Privacy Concerns With Unsettlingly Specific Apology

issue 4609 | 03.02.10 | News

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—"Whether you're Michael Paulson who lives at 3425 Longview Terrace and makes $86,400 a year, or Jessica Goldblatt from... more»
Archaeologists Discover Remnants Of Legendary Party Out By Train Tracks

issue 4609 | 03.01.10 | News

COLUMBIA, SC—By carefully piecing together the physical evidence with the local oral traditions that have been passed down from older to... more»
Sierra Leone Diamond Miner Devastated By News Of Broken-Off Engagement

issue 4608 | 02.27.10 | News

KENEMA, SIERRA LEONE—"They had so much in common," said local diamond miner Muwomba D'akari before momentarily blacking out from extreme... more»
Daytime, Nighttime 7-11 Clerks Have Vastly Different Opinions Of Area Man

issue 4608 | 02.25.10 | News

CHICAGO—While one clerk describes regular customer Chris Coles as an introverted grump who does little more than mumble, the other knows him as... more»
Latest Sarah Palin Speech Opens Sixth Seal

issue 4608 | 02.24.10 | News

IDAHO FALLS, ID—"Admittedly, this is not what we were expecting," said a University of Cambridge doctor of divinity. "The Bible speaks of a... more»
Former Prom King Now Living Anonymously Among Commoners

issue 4608 | 02.22.10 | News

GRESHAM, OR—Towering feats of revelry and sexual conquest, hailed and exalted in their day by the former sovereign’s underlings, have over... more»
Real Estate Developers Push To Rebrand Murder Heights Neighborhood Of Baltimore

issue 4607 | 02.20.10 | News

BALTIMORE—"From Blunt Force Trauma Avenue all the way down to Corpse Dump Pier, it's the dawning of a new day for this beloved neighborhood,"... more»