Man On Internet Almost Falls Into World Of DIY Mustard Enthusiasts 03.11.10

DES MOINES, IA—Only when Steve Gibson started getting enraged by mustard-related issues did he realize he had become entangled in a dense, thickening web of mustard obsession. "I saw my wife put French's mustard on a bologna sandwich and I just lost control," he said. more»

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Nation Shudders At Large Block Of Uninterrupted Text 03.09.10

WASHINGTON—Unable to rest their eyes on a colorful photograph or boldface heading that could be easily skimmed and forgotten about, Americans collectively recoiled Monday when confronted...
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Out-Of-Control Group Yields Little Usable Data 03.08.10

ATLANTA—A study of the effects of antidepressants on sleep patterns was derailed this week when the experiment's out-of-control group—a sampling of participants selected for their...
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Google Responds To Privacy Concerns With Unsettlingly Specific Apology 03.02.10

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Responding to recent public outcries over its handling of private data, search giant Google offered a wide-ranging and eerily well-informed apology to its millions of users...
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Yellowstone Park Attempts To Increase Ranger Population With New Mating Program 03.01.10

JACKSON, WY—In an effort to revitalize its rapidly dwindling ranger population, officials at Yellowstone National Park unveiled a new mating program this week in hopes of doubling the...
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Archaeologists Discover Remnants Of Legendary Party Out By Train Tracks 03.01.10

COLUMBIA, SC—Archaeologists excavating the train tracks out by the quarry announced Tuesday that they have discovered evidence of an epic party dating back to the late- February period of...
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Paleontologists: 'We've Been Looking At Dinosaurs Upside Down' 02.23.10

SALT LAKE CITY—In a paradigm-shattering revelation that has shocked the scientific community, paleontologists from the Utah Geological Survey offered definitive proof Wednesday that, for the...
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Rise In Teen Pregnancy Proves Teens Still Got It 02.15.10

WASHINGTON—Squashing any fears that they might have lost it, a 3 percent increase in teen pregnancy rates positively confirmed Tuesday that America's teenagers still have it and, in some...
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NASA Launches David Bowie Concept Mission 02.08.10

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—NASA officials announced today the successful launch of the new shuttle Moonage Daydream, marking the beginning of a long-anticipated two-week conceptual mission...
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