In Minnesota activists
are out in full force today
to protest a new bill
that would ban marriage
between people
who don't love each other.
Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty
expressed his intention to sign the bill
earlier this week saying,
"I believe the definition
of marriage is a union
between two people
who love each other."
In addition to outlawing
future loveless unions
the so-called
Purity of Marriage Act
would also nullify an estimated
53% of marriages in Minnesota.
Loveless couple gathered
at the state capital today
to voice their opinion that all
couples have a right to be married,
not just those who can
stand each other's company.
Beth and I have been sitting silently
in front of the TV set for 2
you can't tell me
that's not marriage.
Our feelings of co-dependence
are just as strong
as a happy couple's love.
Just because I talk to her
less than I talk to the dog
that doesn't mean that
what we have isn't marriage.
We didn't choose to feel
nothing for each other
that is just the way we are.
Joining us now from Saint Paul
is Onion News Network
legal expert Olivia Walker.
- Hi Damon.
Olivia, this is a real surprise since
Minnesota has long been considered
a real Mecca for loveless couples.
- Right.
The state is full of bland suburbs
and buffet restaurants
serving endless piles of food,
which loveless couple use
to fill the void in their hearts.
Where is the support
for this bill coming from?
Well, the bill supporters say
that for too long
they have had to watch these
people flaunt their loveless ness,
bickering over which peanut butter
to buy in grocery stores,
and violently brushing lint
off of each others' jackets.
So, for them these miserable couples
offend the very idea of marriage?
That is right. There have been
reports from around the state
of loveless couples
suffering harassment.
- That's a shame.
- Even vandalism.
Olivia, what about the people
who argue that loveless couples
can still live together unhappily
even if their sexless unions aren't
technically considered marriage?
Marriage has legal
implications as well.
For instance, if one member
of a loveless couple got sick
their spouse could no longer
visit them in the hospital
to berate them about how much
that medical bill is going to cost.
Well Olivia, not so long ago
loveless couple felt they had to hide
but the crowds there today show
that many people are now comfortable
with being openly
indifferent to their spouses.
That's right.
As recently as the 197
loveless couples
were sent to camps
where it was believed they could
be cured of their loveless ness
by undergoing group therapy
and sharing exercises.
But even if the
Minnesota law passes
loveless marriage activists
will almost certainly try
to bring this before
the Supreme Court.
Right, and there it could
face a lot of opposition.
At least four of the justices are rumored
to be in loveless marriages themselves.
Well, thanks for
the update Olivia.
Later in the hour we'll talk to our
economics expert Joshua Russell
who says a ban
on loveless marriage
could cripple the already
flagging cruise ship industry.
But first Shyla Buff has signed
a deal with Paramount
to ruin another one
of your childhood memories.
Still ahead this hour:
Surgeon Admiral adds
nausea warning labels
to all seafaring vessels.
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