via @TheOnion - Insidious Worm Makes Unauthorized Purchases When Computer User Is Drunk
Computer experts are warning
that a dangerous new cyber worm
that works late at night could
cause consumers billions of dollars.
Tech Trends reporter
Jeff Tate has more.
Thanks Ana,
it's spreading like wildfire.
The 2:
personal credit card information
then visits retail sites usually between
the hours of 2:
The worm leaves
no trace of its existence
aside from the occasional
wine colored stains
on a user's keyboard.
So most people don't realize
they've been infected
until their credit card
statement arrives
showing bizarre charges
they have no memory of making.
The last thing I remember is going
to a bar for my friend's Bachelor party.
The virus turned on my computer,
stole my credit card number
and bought a bunch of Japanese
weapons I saw in a movie last week.
The 2:
makes useless purchases,
ranging from expensive handbags
to vintage Dukes of Hazard
action figures.
The worm also infects
the computer's address book
and will send messages
to multiple users
often disguised as a
sexual advance or a cry for help.
This may be how
the worm spreads itself.
I think the worm sent
my phone number out
because I keep getting
messages from guys
that I don't ever
remember meeting.
The worm sent my boss
a picture of someone's balls
from my address.
I wouldn't do that.
Performing Google searches
of certain words after midnight
seem to trigger the worm
such as,
"def leppard concert tix,"
"actress that played ferris buehler's
girlfriend naked pictures,"
and "burrritos,"
misspelled with three Rs.
During our end of term party
the 2:
a bunch of doctored photos
of me to Facebook.
Computer Science
Professor Greg Reiss
formed a group of
on-line security experts
dedicated to eliminating the worm
after he fell victim to it.
My point is
we need to work fast
as the 2:
to be evolving the ability
to simulate human
cognitive processes,
like using Google Maps to
find directions to a S&M; club,
printing them out,
and somehow getting the map
into the glove compartment
of the user's car.
And a new cyber threat
may be on the horizon,
reports of a virus that causes
computer's Mircosoft Word program
to generate the first 1
terrible erotic horror screenplay
are pouring in from
around the country.
- For Tech Trends I am Jeff Tate.
- Thanks Jeff.
Experts warn the worm is
also wreaking havoc in Europe
but there is strikes
as early as 4:
Moving on now, today Congress will
debate the cap-and-trade program
for dancing based reality shows.
Still ahead this hour:
Overwhelmed Obama gets in
Air Force One and just starts flying.
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