via @TheOnion - 12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Volunteer To Give Women Breast Exams
BOY SCOUTS (SHOOTING)
TODAY NOW!
Script/Idea: Principe
This draft: 1/13/08 (CLK)
INT. TODAY NOW! STUDIO - DEMO AREA
Jim looks to his side as if talking to someone.
JIM
While I get all this spray cheese
off the floor, Tracy is going to be
talking to two special young men
who making a difference in their
community.
INT. TODAY NOW! STUDIO
TRACY
Thanks, Jim. We've all heard
heartwarming stories about Boy
Scouts and their community service.
But a couple of scouts have decided
to take on a serious challenge:
promoting the early detection of
breast cancer. With us now are Zach
Hanaford and Brian Seitz of Troop
684 in Whitehall, New York.
ALTERNATE:
TRACY (CONT'D)
Thanks, Jim. With us today are a
couple of boy scouts who have
decided to take on a serious
challenge: promoting the early of
detection breast cancer. Welcome
Zach Hanaford and Brian Seitz of
Troop 684 in Whitehall, New York.
ZACK and BRIAN are in scout uniforms. They're pimply, nervous
13-year-olds. Zack is smarter than Brian.
ZACK
Hey.
BRIAN
Hi.
TRACY (CONT'D)
So tell me about your project.
ZACK
In order to get our Eagle Scout
badge, we need a community service
project. So we're gonna help women
do their breast exams.
TRACY
That's so great. Where did you get
the idea to help?
ALTERNATE:
TRACY (CONT'D)
(to camera)
As all women should know, examining
your breasts is an important way to
find a breast cancer early, when
it's most likely to be cured.
(to boys)
Where did you get the idea to help?
BRIAN
Well, Zack's dad's a doctor. And he
had this poster in his office. And,
uh, we were in his office looking
at it. And then we decided we would
like to do that-- like, help women
do their exams.
TRACY
How wonderful. Do either of you
know anyone who had breast cancer?
ZACK
I think maybe my grandma had it, so
it's always been really important
to me, personally.
BRIAN
Yeah, this is really, really
important to us. We'll do anything
for women so they don't die of
cancer.
TRACY
Besides regular breast exams, what
are some other ways women can lower
their risk of breast cancer risk?
BRIAN
I think that's pretty much it.
ZACK
Well, this is the best first step.
But lots of girls don't know how to
examine themselves correctly, or at
all.
TRACY
But you did a lot of research.
ZACK
Yeah, we looked all over the
internet for the best web sites.
GRAPHIC: A few real web sites about breast cancer. They all
show women cupping their breasts or have women showing some
skin.
Zack stares into the camera as if staring gape-mouthed at
these websites on a monitor.
TRACY
We're seeing some of them now.
BRIAN
Yeah, these ones are really good.
ZACK
But even the information on those
can be kind of confusing so women
should really ask us for help.
BRIAN
Yeah, like there are things besides
a lump that might mean you have
breast cancer.
TRACY
Such as?
ZACK
Uh, we have some pamphlets and
stuff that list them that we can
give you if come over for the exam.
BRIAN
It'd be easier that way.
ZACK
For the women.
TRACY
So how is your program going to
work. Where do you plan to do these
breast exams?
BRIAN
We're gonna do them in Zack's
parents' basement.
ZACK
Yeah, it's not like a basement
basement. It's like a family room
with carpet and everything. And we
set up a place to do the
examinations with a screen and nice
table and stuff.
TRACY
Wow. You guys have put a lot of
work into this.
ZACK
It's really important to us. Cause
we're feminists.
INSET GRAPHIC: We see a very crude, basic web site. In large
print: "FACT: A woman is diagnosed with breast cancer in the
U.S. every three minutes." And: "Prevention is KEY!" And
also: "Send in your pics!!" Maybe a medical cross-section of
a breast.
TRACY
Well, I'm talking to two future
Eagle Scouts here. You've even put
together your own web site to help
spread the word about your project.
ZACK
My older brother Ted is our advisor
and he knows some HTML so he helped
us make the site.
TRACY
I see it lists your phone number.
BRIAN
Yeah, girls can call us up and we'd
even go right to their houses if
they need us to.
ZACK
Right.
GRAPHIC: One of these flyers. A handwritten sign offers "Free
BREAST EXAM instruction." The bottom has a row of easy-tear
off phone number slips.
ZACK (CONT'D)
We also made a bunch of flyers and
put them up all over.
PHOTO: Zack and Brian sit at a card table. A hand-lettered
sign says, "Let us examine your breasts."
TRACY
And here's a photo of you two
getting the word out in your local
community. Where is that?
ZACK
It's at a health club. We thought
it would have lots of women who
were... who needed help.
TRACY
I'll bet there are women who need
help. I must admit that when I do
my exam, I'm never totally sure I'm
doing it right.
BRIAN
You should come over. We can help
you. Anytime you want. Just come
over.
Zach elbows Brian and throws him a "cool it" look.
TRACY
I've been told that the key to a
good self-breast examination is
making them a regular part of
normal routine. That way you get to
know your breasts and will
recognize changes. I like to do
mine when I'm in the shower.
BRIAN
(gulp)
ZACK
That's good.
TRACY
But you can do it lying on a bed,
too.
ZACK
Yeah.
TRACY
Well, I wish you luck with your
project. Thanks for being here
boys...
BRIAN
(to Zack)
Should we tell her the thing about
the age?
ZACK
Oh yeah, we're really trying to
focus on younger women. Cause older
women already know most of this
stuff already.
BRIAN
Yeah.
TRACY
That's an excellent point. And
remember, ladies: self-examination
is not a replacement for more
trustworthy techniques like
mammography or an MRI.
ZACK
But you should do this first.
CUT TO:
JIM IN THE DEMO AREA.
JIM
MRIs? How 'bout DUIs! Up next, some
angry, angry mothers celebrate over
twenty-five years of MADDness...
against drunk driving. Stick
around.
THE END.
Playlists
Label