mobile edition

At the AV Club: You're off the case!

Business

Struggling US Airways Introduces $100 Million Bomb Fee

January 18, 2010 | Issue 46•03

TEMPE, AZ—With holiday traffic down almost 4 percent compared to last year and business continuing to decline, US Airways announced Monday that it would allow VIP customers to bring bombs on board its flights for a one-time $100 million fee. "At US Airways, we want to show the world that we're willing to go the distance for customers our competitors repeatedly ignore," a press release read in part. "Your enrollment fee grants you full access to our prestigious Bomber's Club at participating airports, early boarding with choice of seat, the option to bring aboard knives and guns for a small additional surcharge, and allowance for an extra carry-on, which can of course be used for your bomb." The airline noted that an additional $50 million dollar deposit was required and would not be refunded in the event of a detonation.

Meet Other Onion Readers

more personals »