Out-Of-Control Group Yields Little Usable Data

March 8, 2010 | Issue 46•10

ATLANTA—A study of the effects of antidepressants on sleep patterns was derailed this week when the experiment's out-of-control group—a sampling of participants selected for their violent tendencies and inability to follow simple instructions—grew restless and destroyed expensive brain-wave scanners crucial to the project. "Unfortunately, half the group didn't even show up, and the other half brought their friends with them," lead researcher Dr. Adrienne Gatspur said. "Later, we discovered they had broken into the medicine closet and loaded up on God-knows-what, so our results wouldn't be valid anyway, even if they hadn't torched all our data sheets. Sometimes I wish we didn't have to have an out-of-control group." At press time, the out-of-control group had broken out of the clinic and was roaming the streets of Atlanta, terrorizing tourists and looking for another medical study to join.