9-Pound Infant Barrels Way Down Birth Canal

March 3, 2010 | Issue 46•09

Mad Lib Filled With Swears 11.28.01
15-Year-Old Nephew Asked If He Can Get Ecstasy 04.07.04

IDAHO SPRINGS, CO—Described by medical personnel as "a real whopper," a 9-pound infant came hurtling down the birth canal of 27-year-old Jennifer Pischke like a bat out of hell Monday. "Fire in the hole!" obstetrician Karen Mobley screamed as the infant careened off the sides of Pischke's fully dilated cervix like a Comanche on the warpath. "This little cannonball's ready to blow. Gangway!" At press time, the baby, nicknamed Herbert "Heads Up, Idaho Springs, We Got a Full-Throttle Runaway Locomotive on Our Hands" Pischke, was resting comfortably in a bassinet.